The Month Peter Parker Learned Humility
Chapter 13: Thursday September 13th
"He's still out like a light, is he?", asks a concerned May. "Yeah, the goo took a lot of blood from Peter and he decided running from Midtown to here was a smart move", replied Hank. "Why didn't he just call me? I'd have helped him out no problem", added Reed. "Don't matter now, what matters is that my sister's baby is alive. He is alive, right?" "Oh yeah, he's super alive. He just needs blood and rest, and he's getting a lot of both." "When's Peter gonna wake up? He's been asleep longer than I've ever seen him knock out, and he was a VERY sleepy baby." "I don't wanna rush him, waking him up early could tamper his—" "Well, that's my cue. You want the light shaking or the heavy shaking?" "Heavy shaking?" "Heavy it is." Hank then proceeds to grow to ten feet tall and shake Peter around and over him like a rag doll. "Get up, bitch!", he yells. "Get up, nap time's long over!" Peter wakes up, frantically trying to escape the grips of Giant-Man. "I'm up, I'm up! What's going on here?!"
"Peter! Thank God you're up finally. How many fingers am I holding up?", asks Hank, holding up only his right middle finger. "Very funny. Now where am I, what time is it—" "AD-VENTURE TIME!", Reed interrupts. "…Sorry, I really liked that show." "…what time is it, and where's the goo?" "You don't know where the goo is, Bug Boy?" "Guess I didn't keep a good eye of it at 3am when I'm half-alive in the St Patrick's bell tower. How do we track its whereabouts?" "Wait, wait, wait,.. why were you in St Patrick's at 3am?"
"Also, do you remember anything that happened last night? Here's an example: any bones being broken, or necks snapped; ya know, usual late night stuff", sarcastically interrogated Hank. "I just remember being in the lab, trying out the sonic cannon, and then it did some alien mummification thing on me, and I was standing on a rooftop in Midtown at 2 something in the morning."
"Our thesis COULD BE correct! Of course", thought aloud Reed. "If the calculations Sue and I were working on last night are true, then the goo separated from you, yet possibly retained the memories of the time it spent inside you and will most likely consume a new host to become a new hero or villain, uncannily similar to Spider-Man!" "Are you saying that goo could hurt someone else, maybe far worse than Peter?", asked May and Anna at the same time. "Perhaps 'consume' was a strong word to use." "Ya think so, Laffy Taffy?"
"Only Ben calls him that, Tiny! But there's something else that happened in the bell tower. See, it, it.. it talked to me." "I'm sorry, it 'talked'? Hank, are you sure there's enough blood in him?" "I'm serious, it talked. Said it wanted to be a better me than me. It was gonna bond with me through my blood, and just take over forever, whether I liked it or not!"
"So the hypothesis IS correct! Son, where do you think the goo went after you.." "Ripped it out of me? I wish I knew, everything started becoming a blur then, and all I could think of was 'come here, say sorry'. Maybe it's in another rat or dirty sewer somewhere." Hank, fuming at the confirmation of needing to track it again, throws one of Anna's chairs in a rage.
"You stupid, insignificant boy!", Hank bellows at the top of his lungs. "Can't stop a two-bit creep from killing your girlfriend, can't stop your old pal from joining the illegal family business of trying to kill you, and now you can't even keep track of a goddamn alien goo that's untraceable! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" "But that's impossible for a boy or really anyone in is situation, Hank!", Reed replies. "He's an Avenger, we make winning the impossible fight possible! If he can't do such a simple task as making sure an alien doesn't eat up all of New York while living his civilian life, what good is he?!"
"I don't hit girls", Peter replies, disproving Hank's belittling rant. "I remove you from the Avengers and that is FINAL! You, Reed, and your goddamn family of idiots can never do so much as buy a bootleg Avengers logo for your great-grandchildren, if you manage to figure out the birds and the bees yet!" "You can't do that, don't I need a vote or something to get kicked out?" "Not anymore, ya third grader! I'm a founding Avenger, so I have final say on whether you're one of us or not, so blah! And I say you will never be an Avenger, you will never be a SHIELD ally, and you will never be a real super hero! I'll personally make sure you don't get work in a goddamn street dance crew, Spider-Boy! You're the worst person I've ever met, the worst hero, the worst everything!"
"Hey, Hank? Remember that time you, Jan, Sue and I had Super Couple's Game Night back in May?" "…Reed, tread lightly. I'll end your career too if you think you can post it online." "I'm not posting it online at all. C'mon, I have respect for you! That's why the Daily Bugle News Report, NYT, CNN, MSNBC and Fox News have copies of it with my name on each one." "Reed, what did you do?", asks a very concerned Peter. "Peter, my boy, I just did what a superhero always does: shed light on the villains of everyday society." "Delete it from the world! Delete the emails! Get rid of it!" "I would, but I can't also delete the other ten times I have you on camera saying and doing not very nice things to Jan, Sue, and especially my son, Franklin. There's too much info shared now to just erase from the world database."
"God bless your stretchy, stretchy soul, Mr Fantastic", Anna replied, with May nodding in agreement. "Please, call me Reed,…" "Anna. Anna Watson." "Please stop touching me, I'm married with a child." "Sorry." "Reed, why? Why are you defending this kid? What's he done for you that you gotta have his back?" "Nothing. He's a kid, and we defend kids no matter what. Did you forget that while dealing with Avengers merch and Pym Industries donations raking in the millions?"
"Don't you dare, Spider-Man!", shouts a hysteric Hank, who finally has lost all patience and sanity. The Spider-Sense blares with ferocity, as Hank attempts a solid right jab at Peter's head. "I didn't even leak it, you ass! That was Reed, be mad at him!" "Ultron, you won't get away with this! There's no way you can beat me, Kang!" "Oh good God, he's lost his mind. I'm calling in Ben, he can help send him to Ravencroft", Reed mutters to himself, as Peter has to hold down Hank from hitting everyone in the room. "Wait a minute, did you say Ravencroft? Isn't that where they put the extra-crazy people in for life?" "Maybe. Maybe Hank here is definitely going there today, and Jesus Ben, pick up the phone!" "No one can beat the Ant-Man, Loki! The Ant-Man beats everyone because Jan is a dumb broad! Now lemme me go and kick Red Skull's ass!"
MJ soon walks into the living room, back from school, where Peter is holding down a rabid Hank, Reed's furiously calling someone, and Aunt May and Anna are hiding behind the couch for some unknown reason. "What. The. Hell. Is happening?!", she asks in a furious manner. "Super stuff", replies Peter. "Why are you holding down Ant-Man? I'm not mad at it, but why?" "He went insane less than five minutes ago", adds Reed. "Ben should be coming over soon, if he picks up the phone already." "Damnit, Cap, where are you?", mutters Hank. "I already pressed the Avengers Assemble siren, where are ya?!" "You what?", bellowed Peter. "The Avengers made you a superhero, we're gonna end you as a superhero, Bucky", he slurs, slowly losing consciousness.
"Hank, where are you?!", Cap yells, breaking the door clean out of its joints with his shield. "Wait, Spider-Man? Reed? What's happening?" "He's losing his mind beyond control, Reed's gonna send him to Ravencroft as soon as Ben gets here", replied Peter. "He even called me Bucky." "B-b-Bucky? Buck, where are ya, kid?" "Steve, Bucky's not here right now, but Hank's thinking Loki and Ultron and Kang the Conquerer are in this living room as we speak. We gotta get him some long-needed help NOW." "Bucky, I'm coming for ya!", shouts Cap, running to the kitchen and jumping through the sink window. "Peter, what were you thinking?" "What do you mean 'what were you thinking'? It's just a name." "That was Captain America's Gwen. You don't talk about Bucky ever when you're around him." "But I thought the Winter Solider was alive—" "The Winter Solider lives, but Bucky is gone. At least, that's what Sue told me from what she overheard at a SHIELD party."
"IT'S CLOBBERING TIME! REED, LET'S GO— Oh, hi Anna", Ben growls, noticing the crowded living room from the door hole."Hi, Ben sweetie!" "Reed, who do I get ta drag outta this joint this time?" "Hank Pym, and he's not breathing. OH FUCK, HE'S NOT BREATHING." "Kid, how good are you at baseball?" "…Ben, we can't just—" "I'm alright, but Ben never taught me how to do a good fastball." "I'm gonna teach ya today, kid. Crumple the loon into a big ball, and—" "Ben, no. NO." "Never mind, killjoy over here won't me have fun wit Pip Squeak. Just bring me Bug Boy." "GENTLY." "Hold up real quick." MJ then proceeds to punch Hank in the stomach, which still leaves him not breathing.
"She's a keeper, Pete. Don't lose this little lady", Ben states. "I already lost her once, Ben. I'm not doing that again", Peter replied, giving MJ a one-arm hug. "You can start by saying 'thanks for doing my homework for me even though we shouldn't be any kind of friendly towards each other right now', or 'sorry for being such a huge asshole in school'—" "Language, Wendy's girl!", Ben interrupts. "I thought I apologized when I got here this morning-" "That was yesterday, sweetie", Anna adds, giving Peter a 'do what she says' look. "…but I was also losing blood and basically dead, so I might not've done it the way I remembered it. I'm sorry for everything I've done as an Avenger. Everything, I'm all sorry about it and it won't happen again." "Even for knocking out Flash like you're Mike Tyson?" "Yeah, that was really extra of me."
"Glad you think so. Now, can you say that all again but this time on camera?" "…you recorded only the audio, didn't you?" "It's gonna be fourth grade Prank Day all over again." "Good God, no! You're not gonna bring him back, are you?" "Who doesn't wanna see Pee-Wee Parker make a good comeback?" "Pee-Wee Parker? That's kinda funny, Stretch. Take noes on Wendy's over there", Ben whispers to Reed, returning from putting Hank inside the Fantasicar.
END OF CHAPTER 13
