PA2: And so here we are, at the grand finale of the Aphrodite Adventure! And only just under two months late for Valentine's Day!

MP: With us, that's only kinda-sorta late!

PA2: Hazards of wanting to maintain a backlog, I suppose. But in all seriousness, I'm super excited to finally be releasing this chapter. We've set up a lot of dominos, and it's finally time to start knocking them down!

MP: *sigh* And also some stuff with Drew.

PA2: *blanches* Yeah, almost forgot about that. But don't worry, we get it over and done with as soon as possible so that we can move onto the cool stuff.

MP: Can you believe we originally planned for him to be the host?!

PA2: I shudder to think. That being said, let's not waste any more time! Enjoy!

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Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey

Chapter 17: What's Love Got to Do With It?

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"I still don't understand this plan of yours, Jade," Simone said with a sigh as she watched Jade pick the lock of the off-limits cabinet. She knew Jade could be trouble, but she never guessed the girl would be so good at obvious criminal behavior. "And I don't think you should be doing that! I can't have vandalism on my permanent record!"

"Tch," Jade sighed. "I'll take the fall. I can do detention standing on my head - I actually did once! And I'll run it over again: The essences of the gods are affected by a lot of factors, including their location. The cultists slowed down in the nonfiction section of the library, so maybe a chemistry lab, a place of nothing but science and logic that can even prove love is just hormones and stuff, can weaken Drew enough to take him out for Tohru. But we're still gonna have to lure him in and fight him, which is why we need supplies." She pumped her fist as the cabinet swung open. "Nice! Now, you know science-y stuff better than me. Anything here we can use to make this place look more romantic?"

"Won't making this place more romantic defeat the-?"

"The science lab is no place for questions!" Jade snapped. "Now help me out here!"

Simone sighed and grabbed supplies, including a jug of vinegar, some test tubes, and a universal indicator. The simple mixture turned red, and Simone capped it off by dropping an LED in each vial, bathing the immediate area in a red glow as Jade set up a bunsen burner. She melted some crayons from her backpack into a beaker and dug out some water balloons from her stock of prank supplies in her backpack.

"Looks good," she complimented, looking over Simone's setup. "Now, doll yourself up. We need Drew to wanna come in."

Simone cringed, but dug some makeup out of her purse, powdering her cheeks and reapplying some cherry-red lipstick. She puckered her lips and tried to look seductive. "Jade, do you seriously think he'll fall for this?"

"No, but he'll follow you anyway just to prove how 'superior' he is. Now, let's get everything ready for him…"

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Ten minutes later, the room was as set as the girls could possibly hope. Simone sat down at the table that she had carefully decorated with glowing test tubes and took a deep breath. "Dre-ew!" she called in a singsong voice. "I'm ready to surrender! Jade abandoned me! Please, this Valentine's Day has been the worst! I just want to be loved!"

She sat down at the table and wept into her hands. She made her sobs as loud as possible, and it wasn't long until the door flew open. Drew fluttered in on his feathery swan wings, and he wasn't alone. An exhausted and bruised Jimmy hung by his collar from Drew's hand, his eyes half-lidded.

"Oh my darling, so you've finally seen the error of your ways...is what I would be saying if I were an idiot!" Drew snapped, glaring daggers at Simone. "You really think I'm dumb enough to fall for the fake waterworks? I may be a fool in love, but I'm no dope! A broken heart grows colder and wiser, and you shattered mine to pieces!"

"And yet here you are anyway," Simone noted dryly, not even bothering to keep up the ruse. "Seems like a pretty hot-headed decision to me."

"Who am I to turn down someone who's so eager to see me?" Drew scoffed, drawing himself up. "Besides, I want to make sure you and Chan watch as I finally get what I deserve! Speaking of which," he sneered, casting his eyes around as he lifted Jimmy higher, "whatever happened to Baby Jade? Jade, I know you're here! Come on out or your friend here'll get more than his heart broken!"

Jade made herself known, but not as Drew wanted. She popped out of a cabinet and nailed Drew in the back with a water balloon which burst hot wax on the boy's back. The boiling wax coated Drew's wings, weighing down the ethereal feathers and forcing him to drop on one knee. He gritted his teeth in pain as he hit the floor, but kept his grip on Jimmy. He snarled and hoisted himself to his feet, not bothering to turn. Instead, he pulled out what looked like an ordinary straw, albeit one colored like dull lead.

"Think you're clever, huh?" the new Eros growled, fingering the straw. "Well, I still have a few tricks. I can do more than create love. I can destroy it, too." He took a deep breath and blew into the straw, directly at Jimmy. A gray spitball hit the boy in the forehead, and the mousy boy's expression changed drastically. Even in his semi-conscious state, Jimmy's eyes had been filled with vibrant emotion; anger, determination, hope. Now, all that was left was a dull empty blankness.

"Jimmy!" Jade shouted as Drew got to his feet and contemptuously tossed the boy to the side. Simone immediately ran up to catch him, nearly getting bowled over in the process, but Jimmy's expression remained utterly unchanged. What's more, she noticed something odd about him; even as she lifted him up, his body remained locked in place, with his chest in particular turning colder and colder. Pulling up his shirt, she gasped when she saw a strange gray pallor spreading over Jimmy's body, radiating out from his heart.

"How do you like that?" Drew taunted, turning to face Simone. "You know, some people say a heart of stone is a good thing, but rocky organs don't work very well, do they?"

"What have you done?!" Simone demanded, desperately beating at the boy's chest in a futile attempt to revive him.

"Calm down, I can reverse it before he goes," Drew said, idly flexing his fingers. "If I want to, that is. And I do mean 'goes'; if that transformation completes, well...let's just say you're going to need Hades to fix him up."

"Are you completely insane?!" Jade snapped, causing Drew to turn back to her. "Dude, I get going crazy with mojo, but you're really gonna turn a guy into a lawn ornament over Valentine's Day?!"

"Love makes a guy crazy," Drew smirked back. "And now I'm the God of Love. I'd say he has about half an hour before he's gone for good, but I'll reverse it if the two of you declare your undying devotion to my cause and eat my chocolate. And if Simone agrees to go to the dance with me," he finished with a wink in Simone's direction.

"...the dance?" Simone asked quietly, slowly sliding Jimmy onto the floor as she got to her feet.

"Yes! The Valentines dance, the crown jewel of my high school career! The night when everything will finally come together! With the whole school looking at me in awe, my minions envious as I show them the real power of lo-" Drew ranted, only to be promptly interrupted by Simone's inarticulate scream of rage. He had just enough time to look confused before an empty beaker slammed into the side of his head.

"The dance?! That's what this is about?" Simone ranted, picking up another piece of glassware and tossing it at Drew's face. "You took over this school and nearly killed my friends over a stupid dance?! That is the most pathetic, miserable thing I've ever heard in my entire life, and I've been in school with you for the past eight years! You're no god; you're just a sad little creep who wouldn't know the value of love if it came up and stabbed you in the eye!"

"Ow, hey, watch it!" Drew moaned, feebly covering his face from the barrage of containers. "That hurts! Stop it!" Simone didn't listen, instead picking up one of the filled test tubes and splashing the vinegar into Drew's eyes. Jade watched in awe as Drew screeched and ran around the room, completely helpless before Simone's righteous fury. So distracted and scared was he that he barely even noticed as he walked straight into Jade's outstretched leg, tripping and rolling head over heels until he crashed into the wall of the lab.

"Ugh...my head…" he moaned, lying on the ground. Shaking her head, Jade walked up to him and lifted up her foot.

"Stupid Cupid," Jade sneered, stomping down on his face with her still shod foot and knocking the boy out cold. "Quit picking on me."

"Jade!" Simone cried, rushing up and hugging the martial artist. "You did it!"

"We did it!" Jade corrected, hugging Simone back. "Alright now all that's left to do is-" she continued, only to pause and groan. "Right. Drew never actually had the power, which means even if Big T was here, we can't undo any of this yet."

"So...we just took out the one guy who could save Jimmy?" Simone gasped, wide-eyed in fright.

"No, it means that we have to pray that my uncle can beat the snot out of the real threat in the next twenty-eight minutes. Meanwhile, we can't just sit around here waiting; we gotta make sure Drew stays out of the fight and then go help Tohru before Mecha-Monster Foo tears him apart!"

Simone actually smiled at this. "Actually, I already have an idea about that," she said. "Grab some copper wire and let's go."

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Jackie, Uncle, and Captain Black emerged to find chaos (what else?) when they emerged from the staircase to the tallest tower. Eris had transformed her lower body into that of a caterpillar and scurried to the ceiling, and had ripped off her own arm and began beating Arielle with it. More cultists had gathered underneath the chaos goddess and were spraying her with hoses pumping hot fudge as Arielle retreated backwards, launching rock candy shuriken at the intruder.

"Love is no match for unrelenting chaos!" Eris cackled, switching the grip on her detached arm and using its sharpened nails as tiny spears. "A dark and unpredictable world will overwhelm even the brightest of your stupid ideals!"

Arielle shook her head and caught the detached arm by the wrist. "Silly little girl with your ancient values," she said, her voice still calm and measured as she conjured a peanut brittle sword. "In my new world you will have no place! You refuse the care with which I ensure the happiness of my charges!"

"Hey, mishandled charges blow up in your face!" Eris laughed, tearing her arm out of Arielle's grip. "And thank you for the lead-in! I love unintentional references! But a spoonful of sugar isn't a bad idea!"

A third arm grew from Eris's neck and seized a hunk of soft fudge from the ceiling, tossing it directly in the cult leader's eyes. Arielle stumbled back, and Eris leapt at her, her caterpillar parts morphing into octopus tentacles as she wrapped around the woman.

"And now that I have your attention," Eris said cheerly, transforming into her Phobos outfit and reattaching her missing arm, "it's movie time, everyone!"

"What are you talking about?" Arielle gasped, straining against the tentacles holding her in place. "You said yourself that the powers of Phobos can only target individuals!"

"That's the funny thing." Eris cackled. "See, in most cases you'd be right; normally I can only use Phobos's power to show you your deepest fears. But since your deepest fear right now requires other people to notice, I can stretch my muscles a little bit, and turn a personal vision into a public affair! So you might as well sit back and enjoy the show, while I take the time to drain you dry!" she continued, placing a hand on either side of Arielle's head and digging her nails into her skull. As she did, the nails began to glow with a soft pink luminescence, while Arielle herself started losing some of her unearthly beauty. Hot pink mist spilled from Arielle's ears and formed a cloud, then rapidly shifted colors. A TV test pattern briefly appeared, before settling into an image of Arielle, sans Aphrodite's essence, waiting by her car.

"ANDREW!" the vision screamed. "GET OUT HERE! I AIN'T WAITIN' ANY LONGER!"

"ALL RIGHT, MOM, SHEESH!" a nasally, cracking teenager's voice screamed back. Drew emerged from their unimpressive home, sauntering down the driveway.

The Arielle on the screen sighed and opened the door of her car. "Just once, Andrew, can't you make my life easier?"

Drew ignored her, instead staring at something on the driveway. He reached down and picked it up.

"Whatcha got there?" Arielle asked, staring at his cupped hand. Drew clenched his fist.

"Nothing," he replied. He opened the door and plopped down next to her in the car.

"C'mon, nothing's ever 'nothing'," his mother said, her voice calming down. "Let's see it."

"What's it to you?" Drew grumbled, pulling his clenched fist away. "Man, you're so nosy!"

"What is it?" his mom snarled, seizing him by the wrist. "You find somethin' you don't want me to see? What is it boy? A cigarette? Somethin' like that?"

"Let go of me!" Drew howled. "What's wrong with you?"

"I wanna know so I can protect you!" Arielle snapped. "Someone's gotta keep you from picking a used joint off the ground and ending up strung out halfway across town! And because I love you, Andrew, that someone's gonna be me! Don't you love me?"

Without waiting for an answer, Arielle took both hands and wrenched open her son's fingers, exposing the pearl within. She stared in wonder and gently took it.

"See?" she said triumphantly, lifting the pearl up to her eye. "You think something like this just falls onto the street? Someone's bound to be looking for it, and the last thing we need is you to get dragged off to juvie because they thought you stole it!"

"God, you're so annoying!" Drew said, trying to snatch it back. "And dramatic, too! 'Jail' this, 'drugs' that, I don't know where you're living, but it sure ain't SanFran!"

"It's an ugly world out there, Andrew!" Arielle seethed. "And one day you'll thank me for protecting you!"

Drew punched the dashboard, then recoiled in pain. "I hate you!" he screamed. "You're not protecting me, you're just ruining my life! No wonder dad left! Probably had as much of you as he could stand, and I wish he could've taken me with him!"

Arielle stared back at her son in shock, a tear rolling down her face. As she did, the pearl in her hand began to glow brighter.

"A disobedient son who resents his mother's protection from a cruel world," a sweet, musical voice, like something out of a Disney movie, whispered in her ear. "A spurned love seeking another chance. Let me help you. I can reawaken the best parts of you, the ones you've kept buried all these years. Just let us become one, and you will have all of the love you deserve."

In a flash of hot pink light, Arielle transformed from her frumpy old self into the cult leader watching the vision. "What the-?" Drew objected, before she seized him by the wrist again, and transformed him as well, eliminating his acne and cracking voice, and giving him a cleaner, nicer outfit to boot. Without another word, she turned the key, and took off in her newly transformed pink Lexus.

The cultists gasped in shock at the sight, before their eyes narrowed in rage. The mist went staticky again, then faded away entirely. Eris, who had been watching the entire scene avidly, groaned in disappointment. "Aw, over already? But I was having so much fu-"

"Unhand our goddess!" the cultists interrupted, charging straight at the Goddess of Discord. She whipped her tentacles to repel them, but soon enough of them grabbed onto the slippery appendages that they could yank her away from their leader and toss her into the floor. Surrounding her, the mob began stomping on her like an oversized cockroach, trying to crush her oversized limbs. Eris let out a roar and sent the cultists flying, switching costumes again and conjuring an illusion of a pack of rabid dogs to harry them down. As the cultists scattered, Arielle swooped in, still bleeding from the gashes in her face and with beauty noticeably diminished from the drain on her essence, and tossed a bola tipped with jawbreakers to bind the goddess's arms to her body. As Eris collapsed to her knees, the cult leader seized Eris by the throat, and the dogs faded almost instantly.

"How dare you?!" Arielle growled, her hands glowing with a hot pink aura as she began reclaiming the stolen pieces of Aphrodite's power. "You thought you could turn my own followers against me?!"

"No, I thought I could keep you paralyzed long enough for me to take all of the essence while also causing you severe psychological trauma," Eris admitted bluntly, wincing as Arielle tightened her grip. "Why in Tartarus would I waste my time when I can just take your powers and be done with it? But how did you break that spell? That vision should've looped until you got over the fear, and I can tell just by looking that that didn't happen!"

"The power of Psyche," Arielle answered, her voice measured. "Goddess of the Human Spirit. It grants me the strength to continue when things are at their worst. And why should I fear? All you did was prove to my followers that I truly am chosen by the love goddess."

"Ugh, it's the amphora all over again!" Eris groaned, futilely beating against the cult master's sides. "Did you miss the part where I didn't care at all about your groupies? Or the fact that you didn't show the 'strength of your spirit' or whatever, but instead just cheated your way out of dealing with your issues using magic? I'm the Goddess of Discord and the one trying to destroy humanity; I should not be the sane one in this conversation!"

"You fight with fear," Arielle said, in her calm, loving tone, completely ignoring Eris's barbs. By this point her hands had ceased to glow, Aphrodite's essence now fully reclaimed and her beauty completely unmarred. A chill ran down the Chans' necks at the eeriness of her untouched serenity contrasted with her violent grip of her foe's neck. "I fight with my loving embrace. But perhaps we can combine the two?"

At the possessed chocolatier's touch, a molten ivory substance encased Eris's neck and began to spread outwards, moving down her shoulders and torso with incredible speed. Eris screamed as the substance burned her, and her face contorted with rage as she extended a lizard tongue and licked it. "White chocolate?!" she exclaimed. "Disgusting! It's not even real cacao! And why is it strawberry flavor?! That doesn't even make sense!"

"What, you expect me to waste my high-quality goods on a ruffian like you?" Arielle said with a cruel smirk. "I know enough about you, Eris. You are a being of freedom and change. You can't stand containment or small spaces, can you? Enjoy this very close, creamy hug."

"Okay, so you do realize that this technically isn't the kind of space that would trigger my claustro-" Eris began, only to be interrupted as the nasty, buttery substance coated the entirety of her head and solidified, leaving the Goddess of Discord looking rather like a marble statue - or rather, a trashy trailer park substitute. Gently putting it down so as not to shatter the newly created prison, Arielle flared her nostrils and looked at her minions.

"Remove that unsightly thing from my palace with all haste," she told her cultists. They nodded and took it to the window, attaching the sides of a large wad of taffy on either side. They stretched it out and placed the strawberry flavored white chocolate-coated goddess within, then launched Eris out via slingshot. The ivory figure sailed over the city skyline and disappeared.

With a calming sigh, Arielle leaned against a fudge wall and rested. "You can come out now, gentlemen," she tittered, casting her eyes directly at the stairs. "I guarantee you, all of the ladies are decent."

Cautiously, Jackie was the first to emerge. Arielle smiled back at him, flashing beautiful pearly teeth. Her multicolored hair, so much better blended than Eris's, blew in a gentle breeze. "Yes, dear, I mean you," she told him. "I'm not going to hurt you. There is enough love here for everyone."

Silently, Uncle gestured Captain Black forward, and stayed out of sight as the younger man stepped out of the stairwell. The chi wizard prepped his ingredients, mixing olive oil, swallow feathers, and tuna fins before dabbing some of the potion onto a red rose. He lifted his chi-o-matic and advanced. Meanwhile, Captain Black moved over next to Jackie to subtly create a barrier between Arielle and Uncle.

"Are you ready to join my collective?" the cult leader asked. Immediately, her minions fanned out, surrounding Jackie and Captain Black and offering trays of sumptuous treats. "There is always room for two more handsome young men like yourselves."

"Um, thank you," Jackie demurred, pushing aside a platter of tartare. "But we, uh...just ate!"

"Oh, but surely you have room for some dessert?" Arielle purred. More plates were pushed at the two, loaded with bowls of sorbet and gelato.

"Thanks but no thanks," Captain Black said, shoving them away. "I'm trying to avoid cavities."

"Nonsense!" Arielle insisted as the cultists moved ever closer, pushing treats on the two. "In my new world, those that are beautiful inside and out shall never face the indignity of anything short of perfection. I have created a new Cockaigne, a paradise for all who will remain in my loving embrace."

"Cocaine?" Captain Black said, raising an eyebrow. He elbowed aside a busty young woman in a slit-cut gown.

"Cockaigne," Arielle repeated. "Big Rock Candy Mountain. The Land of Milk and Honey. A paradise of beauty, peace, and all forms of pleasures of the senses. And you lucky gentlemen are free to join me. Please, partake in my treats, and join us in Nirvana."

"Sorry, lady, but I'm not drinking your Kool-Aid," Captain Black snarled. As the cultists inched forward, he started upsetting the trays, sending the treats flying everywhere. Jackie sighed and shook his head, but joined in the fray, snatching up one of the silver platters to block the cultists' punches as he wove between them. The two men stood back to back, linking elbows. "You ready to go down fighting, Jackie?"

"We're not down yet," Jackie replied. Captain Black smiled and spun, and Jackie ran horizontally, kicking away the cultists as they tried to inch closer, leaving a messy footprint on each face.

"Always with the violence. You people are hideously predictable," Arielle sighed, shaking her head. "I suppose you leave me no choice. Faithful! Bring me the prisoner!"

"Prisoner?" Jackie asked, only to gasp when he saw a troop of bizarrely dressed love-freaks emerge from behind the stairs, carrying a loudly protesting Uncle in an iron grip.

"Let go!" Uncle demanded, desperately thrashing and flailing on their shoulders. "There is piece of Uncle ready for all of you!"

Jackie and Captain Black exchanged a glance and rushed at one side of the circle of cultists, breaking through like a game of Red Rover and throwing themselves at Uncle's captors. Uncle continued to resist the bunch, and with his nephew's intervention, broke from their grasp and dropped to the floor. Captain Black yanked the older man to his feet, and said with a smile, "Ready, magic man?"

Uncle nodded and held up the chi-o-matic and the rose, pointing them directly at the possessed chocolatier. "Theía Dýnami, Afíste Grígora!" he chanted, causing the chi-o-matic to begin to glow. A ribbon of hot pink energy slowly emerged from Arielle's chest and began inching its way toward the chi-o-matic. "Theía Dýnami-"

However, before he could complete his second repetition, Arielle casually somersaulted over, then reached out and plucked the rose from Uncle's hand. Without changing her expression, she crushed the flower in her hand, drops of blood slowly rolling down her fingers. The chi-o-matic slowed and deactivated, and the energy was reabsorbed into its host. At Uncle's dumbfounded expression, Arielle said, "You can't seriously be telling me that that's the first time anyone has tried that."

"...No, actually," Jackie admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "They usually just try to keep killing us."

"To be fair, you're usually trying to drain them from further away," Captain Black said, grunting as the cultists closed in and pinned his arms behind his back. With Jackie and Uncle similarly restrained, the three were forced onto their knees in front of the cult leader.

"I had hoped that you would join my cause willingly," Arielle sighed with a shake of her head. "But it appears that I will have to use some insurance."

"Oh yeah? Just try it! We'll choke rather than swallow any of your cooking!" Captain Black growled.

Arielle, however, just chuckled. "Oh my dear sweet man, consuming my treats is hardly necessary. After all, two of your number have already partaken in my pleasures," she said sweetly, gesturing at Jackie and Uncle.

"What?" Jackie gasped. "But we never-"

"Compliments of the house, gentlemen," Arielle said in a familiar snobbish tone. "Mandatory for further entry." Before Jackie and Uncle's horrified eyes, her form blurred and shifted as she transformed into the butler who had greeted them when they'd entered the castle. "Did you not listen to your friend earlier? My powers extend to manifesting any object of pleasure, not just confections," she continued in her normal voice. "And disguises are easy work for the Goddess of Beauty. From the very beginning, you had succumbed to temptation to gain entrance into my palace. You were mine as soon as you stepped into my domain."

"Then why not control us right away?!" Uncle screeched, trying in vain to break free from his captors.

"Because I was curious to see your worthiness, naturally," the cult leader replied with a condescending grin, transforming back into her normal form. "And I naturally prefer my followers to join by choice. But, if I must, then I must. Let's see if your friend is so resistant when it is the two of you plying him with my creations," she said triumphantly. She dropped a bonbon into each of the Chans' outstretched hands, and then, staring at her terrified victims, she raised a perfectly manicured hand and snapped her fingers.

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Tohru let out a grunt as Hak Foo's "Roc beats wings!" slammed him into one of the gym's cushioned walls. Broken decorations were all over the room; the balloon arch had popped, tables were upended, and the ice sculptures had been shattered, leaving chunks of enchanted ice all over the floor. Tohru shook it off and cartwheeled back at the thug, catching the mutant between his legs and squeezing tight. Hak Foo grunted and struggled, but Tohru gritted his teeth and mustered his strength, only for the metal man to slash at his leg with a bladed elbow while screaming, "Nemean Lion sharpens claw!"

Tohru grunted and let go, pulling back before the cut could go too deep and thrusting an elbow into Hak Foo's belly. Hak Foo literally rolled with it ("Armadillo defense!") and then forward, lashing out his limbs as he sprung from the floor. "Trapdoor spider seizes rat!" Tohru caught Hak Foo by the wrists and lifted him off the ground, but Hak Foo swung back and then forward, painfully slamming into Tohru's belly and forcing the giant to drop him. "Orangutan swings from branch!"

"Do you ever stop screaming?" Tohru demanded as he got back up, panting hard. His stamina was fading, even with magical assistance.

"My words shatter my enemy's concentration, then my fists shatter their bones!" Hak Foo bragged, shadow boxing with a smug grin. He continued with a solid uppercut to Tohru's jaw, the springs making up his legs compressing and extending for maximum damage. The blow sent the giant flying straight into the ceiling, slamming into it with enough force to leave an impact crater. "Sinis launches traveler!"

"Didn't he...kick people…?" was all Tohru had time to say before gravity took hold, causing him to drop from the ceiling and nearly crash straight through the floor.

"You're thinking of Sciron," Hak Foo corrected, striding over to the downed sumo, who was slowly pushing himself up. "But if you'd like, I'm happy to oblige! Sciron feeds turtle!"

He leaned back and launched his foot forward, but in a hilariously Peanuts-esque moment, Tohru smiled and dropped back down. Hak Foo's foot flew over the giant's head, and threw off his balance so hard that the thug actually flipped over and landed hard on his back. After, Tohru mustered every bit of his remaining strength and launched himself to body slam directly on top of the metal mutant, pinning him down.

"It also makes you predictable," Tohru panted as the thug thrashed and howled beneath him. Small blades sliced at Tohru's love handles, but he held firm, his mind focused...until the door flew open. Jade and Simone burst in, holding a cable reel between them. The two were drenched in sweat and breathing hard, but shared a mischievous glint in their eyes.

"Jade?!" Tohru exclaimed, glaring at the two. "I told you to get to safety!"

As Tohru registered the shock, Hak Foo seized an opportunity from beneath, gritting his teeth and slowly lifting the giant over his head, his arms spread over Tohru's waist. "Heracles crushes Antaeus!" he roared, beginning to squeeze the giant.

Tohru sputtered and wheezed as the metal man began to crush his ribs. He desperately seized Hak Foo's wiry hair and wrapped it around his wrists, pulling with all his might.

"We gotcha, Big T!" Jade shouted back, sprinting in perfect sync with Simone to reach the other end of the gymnasium. "Simone's got a plan!"

"We just need iron!" Simone shouted as they dropped the cable reel. She grabbed the ladder that she'd ascended earlier that day and seized the end of a length of copper wire, climbing up. "Preferably a lot!"

"The supply room!" Jade shouted, pointing to an inconspicuous door behind her. She continued climbing the ladder with the ease of a chimp, high above the fight. "There's gotta be something there!"

Keeping a wide berth from Hak Foo, Jade raced to the door, tugging at the knob, but it wouldn't budge. "It's locked!" she shouted, ineffectually pounding at the barrier with all her might. She leapt and delivered a flying kick with her one shoe-clad foot, but the door held firm and she collapsed to the floor.

Tohru gritted his teeth and yanked out the wires from Hak Foo's hair. The thug screamed and released him, and Tohru mustered his strength to race to the doorway, slamming his shoulder into it and breaking it from its hinges. "Get out!" he roared at Jade as he raced in. "Before you get hurt!"

Jade ignored him and followed him in just as Hak Foo got to his feet, slamming the door as he raced at them. The metal brute crashed right through, screaming "Calydonian boar decimates village!" The small girl scanned the room for anything of use, her eyes moving over sports equipment of all types, from football helmets to ribbons for rhythmic gymnastics. Her eyes landed on one section, though. "Big T, the barbell!" she exclaimed.

Tohru grunted and lifted a heavy steel bar, piling iron weights onto either side and deadlifting it with relative ease. Hak Foo, seeing the less-agile-by-the-moment giant weighted down, laughed and launched himself forward, screaming "Pegasus takes flight!" Jade let out a scream and ducked underneath, but Tohru held his ground and stood with the barbell out in front of him, leaving Hak Foo to crash directly into it at tooth level. The steel bar bent slightly, but Hak Foo simply laughed and raised a foot, shouting "Arion brings down hoof!" as he stomped directly onto Tohru's big toe. The giant screamed and dropped the barbell on top of Hak Foo, who threw it up and over himself, narrowly missing Jade. Tohru snagged the thug in his arms and spun on his good leg to throw him aside, but he bounced back off of a wall with his springy legs and dove back towards the sumo, bladed arms out and screaming "Eagle tears out liver!"

"Hyah!" Jade screamed as she jumped from a crate of dodgeballs, twirling a ribbon at the thug's foot. It snagged on the mercenary's ankle and held him back for just a second before tearing and sending Jade crashing into the hard floor. Tohru dodged just in time, picked up the barbell, sent Hak Foo into a wall with it, and bolted for the exit as fast as his sore foot would let him. Seeing Hak Foo recovering quickly, Jade upset the crate as Hak Foo leapt again, spilling the red rubber balls everywhere. Hak Foo stumbled and allowed them just enough time to exit the room.

"Where am I going?" Tohru panted as he squeezed through the doorway.

"In front of the ladder!" Jade told him as she clung to the back of his shirt, keeping a lookout behind.

"Pegasus takes flight!" Hak Foo screamed, launching himself through the doorway. Tohru threw Jade off of his back and took the brunt of the strike, crashing into the ladder, knocking it over. Simone, already done wrapping a copper wire around one of the fluorescent lights, dangled from the length of wire fifteen feet from the carpeted floor.

With a grunt, Tohru released the barbell, then flipped himself up and smashed Hak Foo into the wall once more, and Jade grabbed the spool beneath the upset ladder and quickly wrapped it around the barbell and its weights.

"Let go!" Tohru advised Simone, who was staring, terrified, at the events below her. She nodded and let go, but just as Tohru was positioned to catch her, Hak Foo got back to his feet.

"Manticore stings nomad!" The thug screamed, extending his clawed hand and stabbing Tohru in the back. He bowled over, and Simone screamed as the floor grew closer.

Just before Simone could hit the floor, Jade leapt up, seized the taller girl by the arm, and threw her into a padded wall mat. Simone fell to the floor, the wind knocked out of her, but very much alive.

"Almost done!" Jade promised as Tohru seized Hak Foo in his arms once more. She sprinted ahead, dashing towards the light switch. If she could just turn on the remaining lights…

"Chrysoar bursts from Medusa's neck!" Hak Foo roared, his metal body prying apart Tohru's weary arms. The thug sprinted forward on his springy ostrich legs and, with a yell of "Amycus boxes strangers!" he punched Jade in the back, sending her hurtling into one of the angelic ice sculptures, which shattered on impact.

"No!" Simone gasped as Jade twitched.

Jade struggled to stand, but Hak Foo kicked her away, laughing as he did. "Such an impertinent brat," he spat. "So foolhardy as to oppose a man, already the deadliest alive, empowered with strength from two goddesses! And with what? A weight and a wire?"

"No, an electromagnet!" a familiar voice called through the echoing room. The door swung open, and a red blur sped through, flicking on the lights. "Behold, the power of science!"

"Rachel?!" Simone shouted. Indeed, it was the red-haired sophomore standing triumphantly by the lightswitch, seemingly no worse for wear despite having last been seen locked in a room with Drew's cultists.

"Okay, this might be the concussion talking, but I'm focusing more on how corny that line was than how exactly you got here," Jade muttered woozily, prompting an eye-roll from Rachel.

"Not like I intend to make a habit of it," she scoffed. "What happened to Drew, anyway?"

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Minutes ago…

The new Eros was just starting to recover from receiving Jade's boot to the head as she and Simone tossed him into the supply closet, his arms, legs, and wings bound tight with extra copper wire. He thrashed and tried to scream, only to find his mouth stuffed full of his own socks.

"It's not so easy to come out of the closet, is it?" Jade sneered as she slammed and barricaded the door.

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"He's taking some time for himself," Simone giggled, pushing herself up off the mat.

Tohru watched in amazement as they were able to have this conversation, and that was because Hak Foo seemed to be paralyzed. His metal body, so strong and implacable, was bent over and struggling to stay in place, like he was caught in a strong wind, and the reason was clear. With the lights on, the power flowed through the copper wire and into the metal barbell, creating an electromagnet, and a powerful one. Still Hak Foo was no weakling, and began inching away from its pull.

Simone let out a scream. "It's not strong enough!" she yelled, pointing at the determined Agent of Chaos, who was making his way back to Jade. "We need more power!"

"Stupid flourescent lights!" Rachel said, stamping her foot.

"Going green is gonna kill us all!" Jade complained.

Tohru nodded and, grunting in pain, pulled out his blowfish. He sprinkled it with a prepared mixture from a tiny jar and aimed ahead. "Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" he chanted. Hak Foo screamed and changed course, trying to rush him, but was held back as Tohru took careful aim and fired a bolt of lightning directly at the barbell. The metal crackled with power, and suddenly Hak Foo was forcibly pulled into it. As he struggled to get up, more metal from all over the room flew over to bury him: tables with metal legs, the wire beneath the balloon arch, and even more weights and equipment from the small room covered the thug, who screamed as he was buffeted and completely covered.

"I never thought of Hak Foo as a pretty boy," Jade snickered groggily. "But now he's looking pretty attractive!" Her joke cracked, she passed out with a smile on her face.

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"Come to your messiah, my children!" Arielle commanded, her arms spread wide, ready to embrace. Jackie, Uncle, and Captain Black tensed, looking her in the eye...before Captain Black's shoulders relaxed, the agent giving a sigh of relief before bursting out laughing.

"It worked!" the captain howled. "I knew Hestia wouldn't steer me wrong!"

It was then that Arielle finally noticed the trio's new accessories: simple necklaces made out of bright bronze thread. Thread that was glowing with divine power.

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Earlier that day…

"If that is indeed the power of Aphrodite, then calling in reinforcements could be unwise," Hestia warned. "She'll only turn your forces against each other with her wiles. Lucky for you, I have something that can help…"

"Are you coming with me?" Captain Black asked, trying not to show off too much hope in his expression.

The Goddess of the Hearth gave a warm smile, but shook her head. Captain Black's expression drooped. "That would be against the rules I set," she explained. "Besides, I am a protector of the home, not a leader of battle campaigns. But I can give you this!" She reached inside her purse and pulled out a small spool.

"A needle and thread?" Captain Black asked, tilting his head. "Thanks…"

"Thread woven with divine power," Hestia laughed. "Aphrodite's power intimidated even the gods, but three of us were immune to her magic. I was one of them, and the essence of one of the others had already been reclaimed by you. This thread was alloyed from my magic and Athena's layered together and intertwined. Wear even a little, and she shouldn't be able to dominate your will!"

"Okay, that's definitely impressive," Captain Black said. "But why'd you need Athena's power for this? Because you wanted to make it thread?"

At that, Hestia blushed. "Well, let's just say that I'm no longer as immune to Aphrodite as I used to be," she said shyly. "Speaking of, one more gift!" Faster than Captain Black could react, the Goddess of the Hearth gave him a kiss on top of his bald head. He gaped and blushed, and she dropped the spool into his hand. "Good luck!"

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"How typical," Arielle sighed, resting a hand against her head. "Of course those miserable spinsters would get in my way again. Although to be frank, I wouldn't be thanking her if I were you."

"And why is that?" Jackie asked cautiously, getting into his combat stance as he and Uncle dropped their bonbons onto the floor.

"Because now I have to do things the hard way," Arielle said grimly, snapping her fingers once more. In an instant, the air around her was filled with cannonball-sized pastel malted milk balls, each one floating effortlessly in midair.

"...Ah. I see," Jackie said calmly, only to yelp and dive out of the way as the artillery started firing. "Baddaybaddaybadday!" he chanted as he frantically jumped and dove underneath the projectiles. As colorful as they were, the crash they made as they impacted against the opposite wall made it clear just how lethal a hit from one would be. Splinters of hard dark chocolate fell to the floor as the projectiles slammed into the unusual bricks. Captain Black fell to the floor to avoid them, and the cultists lunged, but Captain Black swept his legs and knocked them off-balance, then quickly pulled himself up. In the distraction, Uncle leapt into battle as well, swatting away at brainwashed tourists with his signature two-fingered strikes.

"What a tragic bore," Arielle languished as she watched the action. The trio fought and struggled, but it was only seconds before the cultists tore the bronze threads from their necks, pinning them to the ground in the process. The moment the thread was removed, Jackie's eyes went completely blank. "Don't you fools understand how much good I will do the world? Mankind has become afraid of love, afraid of the very word. In the past, when love was treasured, it had many names, many types, and all were cherished. But now, the word, which means so much, has become oversaturated and cheapened. People are afraid to even say it. To their friends, their neighbors, even their own mothers. But my utopia will welcome all love, at least for those worthy of it!"

"Ai-yah! Who are you to decide who is and is not worthy?" Uncle demanded, still pinned by the cultists. "Why should one decide for all?"

Arielle let out another musical laugh. "Silly old man," she said with a shake of her haid. "I am the maker and controller of all love. Why should I not have authority over it? Besides, none will object once they've joined - not that you will know." She looked the old man up and down. "You'll make a lovely pewter birdbath."

The cult leader smiled and brought her hands together, and a young man in cargo pants and a tank top shoved a hunk of chocolate down Captain Black's throat, causing his gaze to go similarly vacant to Jackie's. Jackie and Captain Black rose to their feet, focusing on Arielle as their expressions changed from emptiness to adoration. They marched forward in unison, stopping on either side of Arielle.

"Don't you see?" Arielle said, in her maddeningly calm tone. "Love is the most powerful force in the world, and my love is the strongest of all. You could have had a place as my court wizard, but I have seen too much of the ugliness within your soul. As such, you will now serve me well as an ornament: a perfect fate for an old relic like yourself."

She snapped her fingers once more, and the cultists holding Uncle forced him to his feet, pulling out bonbons and shoving them toward his mouth. But instead of despairing, the old man smiled. "Now, Jackie!"

In a flash, Jackie and Captain Black delivered twin strikes to Arielle's shoulders. She groaned and lost her balance, and Jackie pulled out the spool of Hestia's thread, quickly wrapping it around the goddess. The cultists stopped and stared, their expressions horrified.

"What...but how?!" Arielle screeched, her calm completely shattered. She strained frantically against the thread binding her, but it proved as unyielding as steel wire.

"What, did you think we'd only have one line of defense against you?" Captain Black asked, smirking.

"We knew you would see through our first plan, so we sewed a second strand of thread into our clothes," Jackie added. "That was Uncle's idea."

"You cowards! You think you can defeat me with a single cheap trick? You may have me, but my forces still outnumber you a thousand to one!" Arielle raged, thrashing in their grip. "And without your rose, you can't complete your little spell!"

"Then it's lucky that Uncle brought several more things!" the old man laughed. He stomped on the feet of the crazed cultists holding him and broke free of their grasp, holding up the chi-o-matic with one hand and reaching into his pocket with the other. He pulled out a handful of colorful - albeit grimey - pearls. "Theía Dýnami, Afíste Grígora! Theía Dýnami, Afíste Grígora!"

The cultists and Arielle aliked panicked as the chi-o-matic lit up and spun. A bright pink ribbon of energy began to flow from Arielle's chest into the device's containment jar. "No, wait!" the chosen of Aphrodite pleaded. "Don't shut down my perfect world! You can be a part of it after all! Show me your inner beauty; be gracious and save me! You can be a king! You can be a god! I can give you anything you want! I'll make you young again!"

Uncle stopped mid-chant, staring at the beautiful robed woman. The flow of energy ceased, returning to Arielle.

"Uncle, what are you doing?!" Jackie cried as the cultists swarmed them. "We don't have much time!"

"I wield the power of Hebe, Goddess of Youth!" Arielle promised. "I can give you eternal youth! The power, the agility, the beauty of a young man, forever! All you have to do is let me go!"

Uncle stared back, twirling the pearls in his hand as Jackie and Captain Black exchanged worried looks. Finally, the old man shook his head, his eyes hardening. "Uncle's family would never sacrifice him for their own benefit," he said with a frown. "Uncle cannot do that to them. Theía Dýnami, Afíste Grígora! Theía Dýnami, Afíste Grígora!"

Once more, the hot pink stream of magical energy was sucked out of Arielle, and this time it didn't stop. It filled the chi-o-matic's containment jar, and Arielle collapsed to the floor, ironically bursting free of the thread as she struggled. As the cultists froze in place, the chocolatier's body slowly started transforming back to its regular form.

"You had me worried there, old timer," Captain Black said with a sigh, smiling as he walked up to Uncle. Uncle greeted him with a two-fingered strike to the head. The cultists all rubbed their heads, confused, asking aloud where they were, and more of them popped into place by the second, transformed from ornaments.

"Not out of woods yet!" Uncle cried. "Power is draining and palace will soon be overcrowded! One more thing! We are on fifth floor, and Ghirardelli Square is only three! Everybody out!"

Jackie and Captain Black snapped into action and began herding the awakened people down the stairs as the room began to disappear around them, Jackie holding the still groggy Arielle over one shoulder. Uncle trailed close behind, following the last stragglers out and down the stairs just as the room vanished completely.

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Fifteen minutes later...

"Ugh…" Jade moaned, slowly starting to blink open her eyes. "Did someone get the number of the truck that hit me?"

"Hard pass," came a familiar voice, chuckling. "Guys like that aren't my type," Simone continued, leaning over Jade and smiling. "Welcome back to the world of the living."

"Good to be back," Jade said, slowly pushing herself into a seated position. Looking around, she gave a sigh of relief. Not only were Tohru and Rachel standing nearby, but Jimmy was sitting next to her, on the opposite side to Simone. "You feeling okay, Jimmy?"

"Better than before, that's for sure," Jimmy said, resting a hand on his chest. "I've heard of a 'heart of stone,' but that was ridiculous."

"You nearly died and you're cracking jokes?" Rachel asked incredulously. "Is this normal? And don't give me adrenaline as an excuse! The bad guys are all taken care of!"

At that, Jade's eyes widened. "Wait!" she shouted, trying to get to her feet. "What happened with Hak Foo? Is he still here?"

"I am afraid not," Tohru said solemnly, turning to look at the disordered pile of metal objects still lying in the middle of the gym. "He received...outside assistance."

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Fifteen minutes earlier...

"How long do you think it'll hold him?" Simone wondered, staring at the pile of metal still taking up the back of the room.

"That bolt of lightning should keep it running for some time," Tohru replied. "Thank you for the assistance, miss," he continued, turning to Rachel. "You arrived just in time."

"Yeah, speaking of that, how did you get out of there?" Simone asked. "Jade and I thought you were down for the count."

"Same here," Rachel agreed. "But then I dove into the test books aisle, and it was like there was an invisible wall there or something. Ten minutes later, all the cultists screamed and passed out, and I took that as a sign to get out of dodge."

"Nice to know that knocking Drew out did more than just be really satisfying," Simone chuckled. "And then you just followed the noise?"

"That guy has some serious lung capacity," Rachel replied, gesturing at the brief glimpses of Hak Foo's metallic hair that could be seen poking through the assorted odds and ends. "Could hear him halfway across the school. So, what happens now?"

"Now, you two need to take Jade to safety, while I go track down the true wielder of Aphrodite's essence," Tohru said calmly. "I am sure that Jackie and Uncle have found it already, and they will need assistance."

"Yeah, good ca...hey, does anyone else hear that?" Simone asked, looking around the room. Indeed, there was a strange high-pitched sound drawing closer and closer. It almost sounded like...screaming.

Before anyone could react, a window exploded into shards as an off-white blob crashed through, landing hard on the pile. It shattered apart on impact, and what looked like a tiny, disheveled, rainbow-colored speck rolled out. Despite its size, every piece of metal the speck landed on bent inward, as if crushed by a great weight. By the time it hit the ground, what once was a bastion of protective metal was a pile of useless junk, with Hak Foo lying at the bottom.

"Ugh...remind me never to use that trick again," the speck piped up, before suddenly expanding to regular human size to reveal a discombobulated Eris, her eyes rolling around in their sockets. "Going back to full-size is such a head rush!"

"Eris!" Tohru shouted, immediately putting himself between the Goddess of Discord and his unconscious charge. "How did you find us?"

"Huh? Oh, you guys are here too. Yeah, that makes sense," Eris said woozily, taking her head off her shoulders and shaking it back and forth like a maraca. "Shrinking down gave me the room to pilot that thing, but I still couldn't actually see where I was going! I couldn't even poke a hole in the thing, because then I'd fall right out! So I just left it in Tyche's hands, and what'll you know! It worked! I hate it when a plan comes together, but I think in this case, I'll live with it."

"This is the Big Bad that Jade's been dealing with?" Rachel asked confusedly. "Does she always ramble like this?"

"Yes," Tohru answered bluntly, raising his blowfish. "And if she wants to get to any of you, she will have to go through me."

"Insert variation on 'That works for me' here," Eris responded, reattaching her head. "Except not really. I've just crashed through a window, after having spent ten minutes flying through San Francisco, after spending the half-hour before that being the rational one in a conversation/fight scene with a crazy chocolatier. I'm not dealing with any more of this today."

"...are you saying that you are vulnerable?" Tohru asked cautiously, keeping his blowfish aimed at her. "That you are not up to the challenge of fighting us?"

"I mean, if that's the way you want to take it, sure," Eris replied with a shrug. "Or you could take it as while we were busy gabbing I made the big lug non-magnetic so that he could kill you instead."

Gasping, Tohru turned and stared in horror as Hak Foo swept away the pieces of metal covering him and got to his feet, the force of the magnet now having no effect on him. Grinning, the Black Tiger made to charge at Tohru, only to suddenly be knocked off balance as a colossal wave of pink energy swept through the room. When it faded, it left behind a far less decorated gym, a slew of unconscious students and faculty, and a now completely non-metallic (but still chimeric) Hak Foo.

"Wha-?" was all the martial artist had time to say before Tohru, adrenaline running through his veins, stampeded forward and threw a single, angry punch with all of his weight behind it, sending the thug crashing back into his boss with a bellow. With a quick chant, the chi wizard fired another bolt of lightning directly at the pile of scrap. Hak Foo and Eris actually lit up, the goddess's skeleton briefly visible as she and her minion screamed in agony. Their clothing and even Jade's shoe on Hak Foo's necklace were actually beginning to burn up before the blast was done, leaving them charred and, in the Black Tiger's case, silently sobbing.

"Yeah, that would be how this day ends," Eris groaned, crawling out from under Hak Foo's body. "Okay, I'm taking this as a sign. Enjoy the peace while it lasts, Jelly Belly, because we'll be back!" With a wave of her hand, she and her henchman vanished in a puff of rainbow-colored smoke, leaving behind only a graffiti apple on the pile of magnetized metal.

"...This has been a weird day," Rachel said, shaking her head.

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"And then after that we went and got Jimmy," Simone finished. "Everyone else seems to be unconscious."

"Including Drew, by the way," Jimmy added. "Or at the very least, he wasn't making any noise when they got me from the science lab. Think we should get him out of there?"

"Nah," Jade replied, shaking her head. "And before you call me out, it's practical. If anything about Drew sticks around in anyone else's heads, it'll be better for him if he's just as messed up as they are. Much harder to blame him."

"You don't think they'll remember all the magic and brainwashing?" Simone asked, eyes wide.

"Tch," Jade said with a smirk. "As if! Groups this size always chalk it up to mass hallucination. Two demons opened a portal to the Netherworld in Oracle Park, and nobody even remembers that!"

"You mean Hell?" Rachel asked.

"No, the Netherworld," Jade clarified. "Two totally different things...I think?"

"They are," Tohru confirmed.

"But so not the point. They'll just wake up thinking they got expired chocolates or something and that they had a freaky fever dream."

"Unless they find another explanation," Tohru added, getting to his feet. "Which is why I must leave now before anyone awakens. Will you be alright for however long you have to stay, Jade?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Jade said confidently. "Wouldn't be the first time I've lied to the cops."

"Does everything about your life sound as ridiculous as what I've been hearing today?" Rachel asked as Tohru briskly made his way out of the gym.

"Pretty much, yeah," Jade answered bluntly. "But grill me later, okay? We need to go back to English class and fake being knocked out."

"Okay, fine," Rachel sighed. "But I am going to ask to hear the rest of those stories tonight. You know, since we have so much free time."

"Wait, what about the dance?" Jade asked. With a deadpan expression, Rachel gestured to the completely ruined gym around them, as well as the piles of unconscious people in every corner. "...ah. Point taken. Sorry, Simone," she added, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. "You too, Jimmy."

"Don't worry about it," Simone said, smiling. "I think some downtime and storytelling are about all I'm up for anyway. Besides, after today, I think I'm good on Valentine's Day celebrations for the next twenty years."

"Ditto for me," Jimmy continued. "Always was too much chocolate for me."

"You guys are the best," Jade told them, bumping fists with both of them in turn. "You too, Rachel. Welcome to the weird."

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"Well, that was certainly...a day," Eris moaned, sinking deep into her beanbag. The Agents of Chaos were arrayed around her, Hak Foo's fur still burnt black. What's more, two showers and a change of clothes later, Vanessa, Zhixin, and Kasahara still smelled like fondue.

"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin croaked, gingerly sipping from a cup of tea, "Though the turkey beats its wings, it shall never soar like an eagle."

"Yes, I'm not going to lie. I'm starting to get a tad demotivated," Vanessa admitted. "All that work, and not only did we fail to obtain the essence, but we also failed to kill Chan's little brat."

"What do you mean, 'we'?" Kasahara asked, raising an eyebrow. "That task fell to the Black Tiger; it was his failure, not ours."

"Funny, I seem to remember you failing to finish the brat this morning," Hak Foo said with a sneer. "Master, as soon as I am recovered, I shall correct this error."

"Eh, not worth the bother," Eris sighed. "The 'catch 'em by surprise' gambit only works the once. We try it again, the kid'll probably be packing some severely heavy ordinance. We'll just have to take the L on that one."

"So that's it?" Vanessa asked incredulously. "All of that effort, and the plan ended up a complete bust?"

"Not exactly," Eris replied. "Like I said, the essence was always a bonus today. And killing the brat would've been silver at best. But we caused a lot of chaos, and so did that chocolatier and her kid. That's worth a lot!"

"Yes, I understand that that's always on the mission statement, but to be blunt, is there a tangible benefit to causing so much chaos?" Vanessa pressed. "You say it makes you stronger, but how much? What are you holding back from us?"

"Vanessa, do not question our Master!" Hak Foo shouted, only for Eris to lay a hand on his shoulder. He cringed at her touch.

"It's fine, it's fine," the goddess sighed. "We're all getting frustrated here. And quite frankly, that is a fair question. And, since apparently I'm the sane one today, I'm going to genuinely answer it. With technical language, even! But listen up good, because I'm only gonna do this once!"

"We're listening, Lady Eris," Kasahara said, quickly transmuting an arm into paper and then tearing it off. As the arm regrew, he picked up an ink brush and prepared to start writing.

"Brutal method of note taking, I approve. So, here's the thing. Yes, chaos gives me power. More chaos gives me more power. But more power doesn't always mean harder hits or more stuff I can do," Eris explained. "I've been getting a lot, but I've been keeping most of it in the tank. What I have left over, I use to shake the rust off and get my old tricks back."

"And you've been doing this since we started?" Vanessa asked incredulously. "I thought it was Ares's essence that gave you long-term planning abilities."

"Some lessons stay drummed into your head, especially when you've spent thousands of years in a damn amphora doing nothing but think about them!" Eris bellowed, knocking the Agents backwards. Calming herself down, she continued, "I need to keep this stuff in reserve for two reasons. One, those Chans have a way to drain divine essences. And with Prometheus holding their hands, it's only a matter of time before they expand their reach with that, if you know what I'm saying."

"I...think I understand," Kasahara said, straightening back up and continuing to write. "But there's more?"

"You know that different chaos has different flavors?" Eris said abruptly, prompting confused looks from her minions. "Sometimes it's crackly and ozone-y, sometimes it's sweet and light, and sometimes it's a little bit bloody and raw. Picking up scraps isn't as good as chowing down, but if I can glean what I can, I ain't gonna be picky."

"Wait," Vanessa objected. "Do you create chaos or feed on it? This is getting confusing."

"Then I'm doing it right!" Eris cheered. "Point is, I need to keep saving for a rainy day, because knowing my luck, it'll happen sooner rather than later. But if the chips fall the way I want them? Then we'll have a heck of a surprise for 'em," she continued, chuckling and clenching her first. Where her nails met her palm, sparks started flying up, bright pink.

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"I see. Thank you, Tohru," Jackie said as he hung up the phone. He walked back over to the table, crowded on all sides with familiar faces. The immortals, Prometheus and Hestia, sat as far apart as they could, of course, with Captain Black, Tremaine, and Uncle between them.

"Tohru just spoke to me. The students have just been allowed to leave, and Jade's heading back to the antique shop now. Something about a mini-Valentine's Day party with her friends? Anyway, they're fine, and they'll be staying there tonight. With everyone safely evacuated from Ghirardelli Square and the essence contained, that's everything taken care of."

"Does this mean Uncle will have to sleep on uncomfortable Section 13 bunk again?" Uncle grumbled. "Is bad for Uncle's circulation!"

"Now now, I'm sure we can find you a proper bed for the night," Hestia said warmly, smiling at Captain Black. "Can't we, dear?"

"Absolutely," the captain said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "And thanks again for the thread. Absolutely saved us back there."

"Hey, don't give her all the credit," Tremaine chuckled. "Seems like Uncle over there was the real MVP. Nice planning!"

"Yeah, definitely pretty impressive. Shame I couldn't be there, though; would've been fun to show you up again," Prometheus taunted as Uncle stuck his tongue out at him.

Smiling, Jackie nudged the old wizard on the shoulder and scooted in next to him. "You really did save us all, Uncle," he said, his voice filled with genuine gratitude and admiration. "Thank you so much. I can only imagine how tempting Arielle's offer must have been."

Uncle gave a derisive sniff. "Being young was exhausting enough once," he sneered. "Everyone asking Uncle to help them move, babysit their children, pay full price for everything. Not worth the hassle."

"Of course not," Jackie agreed, smirking. He then turned to Captain Black and said, "And thank you too. Hestia may have created the thread, but you are the one who gave it to us. You arrived just in the nick of time."

"Yeah, I suppose I did," Captain Black muttered, taking a swig of his coffee. In his mind, however, he was thinking back to the reason why he hadn't arrived any sooner.

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Earlier that day…

"What do you mean, you've got nothing?" Captain Black whispered into his phone, hiding in an alley just outside of Arielle's edible palace. His skill as a spy had come in handy for getting near the place unnoticed, but every second he wasn't moving was a second one of the cultists could walk out and spot him.

"I mean I've got nothing," Tremaine replied, her voice just barely audible from the speakers. "I've checked the camera footage for the last week; there's no footage of Hestia going down to the essence vault, and there's no evidence that it's been scrubbed. If she did anything with Athena's essence, then we can't find it here."

"This is incredibly disturbing," Prometheus interjected. "Are you sure that the thread actually contains some of Athena's power?"

"I mean, not as sure as you or Uncle would be, but I can see the gray in the thread," Captain Black confirmed, holding a strand up to the eye. "Plus, it makes no sense for her to lie about adding it if she didn't. It raises too many questions."

"So if she's telling the truth, that means she either has enough control over Section 13's systems that she can get in and out of anywhere without being noticed…" Tremaine began.

"...or can manipulate the essences from anywhere she wants," Prometheus concluded. "You were right to call us about this immediately. With Aphrodite's essence putting off so much power, she probably won't notice this call."

"'Probably'?" Captain Black asked incredulously.

"Look, I have wards up all over this room, so I'm almost positive I'd notice if she was listening in," Prometheus clarified. "The point is, there's something up here, and we three need to deal with it. And just us three. If she has that much control over the base, imagine how much control she has over everyone else."

"Um, are you sure I should be included in this?" Tremaine asked, hesitantly. "I mean, she did already possess me once."

"Believe it or not, that's what makes you safe," Prometheus said. "That possession worked like a vaccine; if she wanted to do anything to you now, she'd have to put some serious effort into it."

"Okay, great, but where does that leave me?" Captain Black grumbled. "What do you want me to do about this?"

"Just do what you've been doing," Prometheus replied bluntly. "We can't let her know we've been talking about this. It's a good thing she's so likable; an op like this would be a lot harder if you weren't still sweet on her. But we need to keep an eye out. There's something brewing here, and I don't think any of us are going to like it if it boils over."

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Just my luck, Captain Black thought as he looked over at Hestia. I finally found a girl, and now I have to play the spy game all over again. Happy Valentine's Day to me.

As if noticing Captain Black's gloomy thoughts, Prometheus cleared his throat. "Well, if all the sweetness is out of the way, there's something we need to talk about."

"What?" Jackie asked, confusedly.

"Weapons. One weapon in particular to be precise. You lot would've gotten mindwiped today without magic gear, and things are just gonna get tougher. But I've gone over it every which way, and no matter how I see it, I can't foretell a future where I fix the Armor of the Eight Immortals. It's simply beyond my ability," the Titan concluded, his expression grim.

"He's not wrong," Captain Black agreed. "We got lucky with Aphrodite's essence, and having the Armor in our back pocket would make a huge difference."

"So what are we supposed to do?" Tremaine asked. "If a Titan can't fix it, who can?"

Jackie and Uncle shared a look, before Uncle cleared his throat. "Magic must repair magic. Titan cannot fix armor because his magic did not build it. To restore Armor of Eight Immortals, we must contact the ones who made it."

"Out of the question!" Prometheus roared. "Mixing pantheons like that could be considered an act of war!"

"But they've already done so by using the Armor," Hestia pointed out. "And without it, all pantheons may be doomed."

"Wait, do you guys mean…?" Captain Black started to ask, before trailing off.

Jackie nodded. "Our only hope now is to contact the Eight Immortals."

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PA2: At the risk of being cliché, dun dun dun!

MP: And at the risk of being unpopular… *clonks PA2 on the head*

PA2: *rubs head* I deserved that. But come on, tell me you wouldn't have made the same joke in my place!

MP: If I were in your place, I'd be eating all your food and sleeping in your bed.

PA2: …Point taken. Anyway, let's get on to the main event: the next chapter preview! Care to do the honors?

MP: Next chapter, an old enemy resurfaces at the worst possible time! The team is divided, Eris is plotting away, and, worst of all, Jackie is stuck flying commercial! All this and more in "Snakes on a Plane (Not That One)!"

PA2: Don't forget to review, as well as fave and follow if you haven't already! Your comments, critiques and speculation helps make this all worthwhile!

MP: And check out the fic's TV Tropes page! We appreciate the additions and traffic!

PA2: Until next time!