Chapter 8
Ashima nervously sat down on the couch across from the Professor and the Captain, inwardly terrified if she were to be honest. What did they want to talk to her about? What was going on?
'Ashima, now that you're feeling better, we wanted to ask you some questions.' Inkling started gently, seeing how nervous and terrified the filly appeared. 'There's nothing to be frightened of, if you don't want to answer a question you don't have to. We just want to find out what the best thing to do for you is.'
She nodded nervously. 'Okay.'
Barnacles grabbed a couple sheets of paper from off the coffee table and glanced over them again briefly. It had been decided between him and Inkling that he asked the questions, hoping in that since he knew the filly more she'd be more comfortable in answering their questions. 'Alright, well I guess the first question would be where you come from Ashima.'
'I was born in the highlands of Wales, as far as I know.'
He nodded. 'Do you have any family there still?' The filly shook her head. 'Do you have any living relatives that you know of?'
'No.'
'Is there anyone we could try and make contact that would take you in?'
She shook her head again. 'No. No one-' She looked at them, a slight fire coming to her eyes. 'And there's no way I'm going back to an orphanage. No way at all.'
'We're just trying to figure out what's best for-'
'You are not sending me to an orphanage!' She stood up, stamping her front hoof down hard. Anger, pain, grief, was welling up inside her. She could feel her eyes getting watery. Don't you dare cry. Crying is weakness. Her thoughts taunted her. 'I'm sorry, I need a break. Excuse me.'
The captain sighed as the filly hurried out, turning to Inkling. 'That went well.'
'I'm afraid there's more to her then meets the eye Captain.' He replied after a moment. 'I see a very vulnerable, sad, broken, young filly there underneath that crusty exterior. She's scared, terrified, worried and I can't say I blame her. From what you've told me, I think that young pony has had a life that's been harder then most.'
He sighed, knowing the octopus was right.
'What should we do?'
'I'm afraid that its 'I' in that sentence Captain. After all, that kitten made you promise to look after her before she passed. Have patience with her Captain, I have a feeling she hasn't had much of that or love in her life.'
'What are we going to do with her though?'
Inkling looked the polar bear in the eyes. 'I'm going to leave that up to you to decide.'
Ashima was thankful that she didn't meet anyone on her way down the hallway, unable to control her emotions any more. Her eyes were blurred with tears as she bolted down the corridor, blindly going through another door and up stairs. Another door opened and she found herself back in Dashi's room.
Walking over to the window she laid down on her stomach, staring through the glass to the ocean outside. Tears ran down her cheeks. Why did things have to be this way?
She laid there, the light outside slowly fading as night began to fall. The pain, the ache inside her, it was breaking her apart. She was holding onto the last glimmers of hope, clutching at them desperately but as light faded to dark, inside her heart a flame was being extinguished.
Scars that's all I have, Pain that's all I feel. She started to sing softly, her voice breaking as she looked at the fresh scars marking her body. The scars were painful reminders but it was the scars underneath, the ones no one could see, the ones on her heart and soul that hurt the worst. People stop and stare- She'd seen the looks Kwazii had given her, looking at her and judging her like she was some kind of artwork. But they have no idea. No, they didn't. No one had any idea of what she'd been through, what she was going through. And through these tears, And through this pain, I will stand, once again.
Slowly she got back to her feet, tears running down her cheeks, down her neck, crying out into the darkness. Cause I may be homeless, but not hopeless. Fatherless but fearless. It was a line she told herself over and over again over the years but was it really worth kidding herself anymore? What hope did she have left? I've got myself- It was all she had, the only thing she had left. I've got my freedom. Did she really have freedom? How could a person be free yet trapped in their own mind? But I'm searching for my home. Cause I am hurting but not helpless. Full of strength and scars. I'm out here in the darkness,
Looking for a light to call home.
Barnacles heard the sound of faint singing from the Gym, wondering who had that voice. Slowly it began to dawn on him who it was and he placed the weights he'd been lifting to get his stress out down and headed for the door.
Looking for a light to call home. She repeated, the ocean outside dark as night. Light shone from the other parts of the Octopod but she sat in darkness. Fear that's all I own, Smiles don't come so easy.
I'm out here all alone, You've got it good, believe me. She thought of Remi, of the other orphans, of the people she knew that had died. They were the lucky ones. They had escape from this life. Through these tears, And through this pain- No, she couldn't, wouldn't, think like that. I will stand, once again- She had no choice. She had to drag the pieces back together again, drag herself through life. Cause I may be homeless but not hopeless-
No, she couldn't do it anymore. Who was she kidding? She was trying to stay strong, trying to keep going but her heart was broken. Remi had been the last thing that had been keeping her going, now, she was gone too.
The filly sank to the floor again, loudly sobbing now. She just wanted it to end, just wanted the pain to end. She should have let herself drown, she wouldn't be here now breaking into a thousand pieces.
Barnacles stood at the door, the filly's gut-wrenching crying tearing even at his strong heart. He was the Captain, he was the leader, he wasn't the one to show emotion but yet- That poor filly. Her crying was one of the most heartbreaking sounds he'd ever heard. Slowly he walked over, kneeling down beside the filly and gently placed his paw on her. 'Ashima-'
The filly nuzzled against the polar bear, sobbing into his chest as he rubbed her neck. She just wanted it to end, just wanted the pain to end…
Barnacles strode into the library later that night after finally managing to get the filly to calm down. She hadn't said what had happened, hadn't said a word in fact. She didn't need to. The look in her eyes had been explanation enough. That brokenness, the haunted, tormented gaze that made his heart break for her. Inkling was right. There was more to her then met the eye.
Dashi was with her, the dog having offered to share her room with her since the filly was out of the sick bay now. He was thankful to her for coming in, he might be a good Captain but he wasn't very well versed to be able to help children. It was a bit out of his skill set.
Seeing her breaking the way she had been had stirred something inside him. It surprised him in all honesty how much cared about her. That wasn't to say he didn't care, because he did. It was just how much that left him wondering what on earth was going on.
'I've made a decision-' He found himself saying, walking into the library. Inkling looked up from his book and he continued. 'Ashima stays. I'm sure we can work something out-' His earlier confidence faded and his voice trailed off. Was he even thinking logically?
'I had a feeling that's what you would decide.' The professor replied. 'But your doubting if its the right decision.'
'Yes.' He sat down beside him. 'What am I doing? I've got no idea how to help her.'
'Captain-' The octopus placed a tentacle on his shoulder. 'You will not be alone in this, we will all help, you know that. I don't know how it's going to work either, only that we'll try our best.'
Barnacles sighed in relief. 'Thank you professor.'
'Don't mention it Captain. We'll make an Octonaut out of her yet.'
