Dein Weg ist Mein Weg
Chapter XLIV
Crucible
"The judges are currently convening to discuss whether the match should be allowed to continue, on account of the unpredictable weather conditions inside the arena. On behalf of the organizers, we thank you for your patience."
Disappointed sighs and annoyed mumbles could be heard making their way through the stands as the loudspeakers informed the audience. It had already been almost two hours since anything of note had happened on the battlefield, and the professional commentators could only keep the crowd interested for so long. To now be informed that the match might simply be cut short on account of some wind, ending the semifinals between one of the top-seeded teams in the tournament and the fan-favorite underdog with not even a whimper, that was drawing vicariously close to the last straw.
"It just keeps looking worse and worse for Ooarai… Surrounded by the enemy on all sides, and now this weather… I'm sure their morale can't be very good…"
"Whoever's responsible for their merchandize must be beside themselves though," Haruka Endou said with a longing sigh as she looked out over the stands and the considerable amount of Ooarai flags, banners, T-shirts, and various signs of support, all spotting the audience in great big swathes. "Imagine if we could get even a fraction of these sales for Centipede, Rin. We'd be able to swim in cash…"
"Eh?" Rin Matsukaze said as she looked at her team manager and best friend with confusion. "But… don't we already do okay, money-wise? There's never seemed to be a problem so far..."
"Of course there's no problem. As long as I'm keeping track of it, we'll always be in the black," Haruka said with a smug, self-confident grin. "But there's a difference between 'doing fine' and that," she added with another sigh, continuing to gaze out over the crowd. "The only way you get this kind of support and money is by being top-of-the-game like Kuromorimine, or a lovable underdog like Ooarai… And Centipede is neither. We're just floating along cozily in the middle…"
"Don't worry, Endou. We'll… we'll get to the top someday," Rin said in an attempt to be comforting, even if she didn't particularly care about how they were looked upon in Japan's tankathlon-circuit. "Although I still think it's kinda strange to see Maho Nishizumi commanding a team like Ooarai. I wonder why she switched…" she wondered out loud. "What do you think, Shizuka?" she added, turning to Shizuka Tsuruki, her other friend and teammate, Shizuka commanding their small Te-Ke tankette and working the gun while Rin kept them moving. "Shizuka?" she asked again when the raven-haired girl gave no response, giving her a small nudge.
"It's so simple…" Shizuka said distantly under her breath, looking with a starry-eyed gaze at the aerial view of the siege that played on the huge monitors.
"What?" Rin asked, looking at Shizuka in a lack of understanding.
"It's so simple! Don't you see, Rin?!" Shizuka exclaimed in impassioned praise. "I've been blind for so long! I always thought Maho Nishizumi to simply be some results-driven perfectionist, someone's whose sole purpose in life was only to win, no matter how trivial a contest Sensha-Do would be for someone with her skill and resources. But now… now I understand…"
"Understand… what?" Rin asked, looking in confusion back and forth between Shizuka and the match coverage.
"She's seen the truth!" Shizuka continued. "She's seen how true glory can only be found in the most dire of victories, or the boldest defeats! Clearly she left Kuromorimine to be rid of such an accomplished and unbeatable team, craving the glory of struggling against all odds with a small and inexperienced team like Ooarai!"
"Are… are you really sure about that, Shizuka?" Rin said with an eyebrow rising anxiously.
"Of course! It's the only explanation; Last year she finally came to see the ways of a true warrior, and so instead of simply taking the menial victory that Kuromorimine was all but guaranteed, she instead chose to-"
"Oh, would you just be quiet?!"
A girl in the row ahead turned around and glared at them, Shizuka in particular. "And stop making statements about things you know nothing about," she growled, before turning back around without another word. "Come on, Commander…" she mumbled under her breath as she hunched forwards and clasped her hands together, staring with an almost trance-like focus on the match being projected on the huge screens. "Don't make a liar out of me twice…"
Maho tread wordlessly across the scorching desert sands, as memories and emotions played at court in her mind, prosecution and defense calling witness after witness as they pleaded their case, although Maho had long since lost the thread of their arguments amidst the wild cacophony of the unruly procedure. With every step she took the voices in her head only grew louder and more aggressive in their attempts to convince her to take their side, until soon she even lost track of which voice was which.
Who was telling her how worthless and hated she was and who was telling her how strong and loved by her friends she was.
Who was meaning to help her and who was meaning to send her deeper into the abyss.
There was no way to separate the two, as the chorus in her mind spiraled further and further out of control, drowning out her every thought, her every idea, her every memory, the very fundamentals of who she even thought herself to be, filling her ears and her mind with nothing but discordant, overwhelming noise. With every moment that passed the blaring voices only grew louder causing her head to pound and her vision to blur, the world seeming to twist and turn on its axis. Inky blackness began to pour along the edges of her vision and her body felt sluggier and heavier with every step, before suddenly she felt herself coming to a dead stop. A scorching, coarse wall of sand blocked her way, and in the distance she could only vaguely hear what sounded like voices as someone or something lifted her off the ground, her body sagging as she drifted in and out of true consciousness.
"What happened?"
"Where's Commander Nishizumi?"
"What is she doing?"
"Are we still gonna fight?"
"We're breaking out of here, right?"
As Saori, Hana, Yukari, and Mako passed the Phoenix and walked back into the village, they were bombarded with anxious questions from the rest of the team, ones they had little in the ways of comforting answers for.
"Uhhh…" Yukari said uncertainly, raising her hands in a vague attempt at calming the crowd. "Well…"
"You see…" Hana said only slightly more confidently, glancing to Saori and Yukari in an attempt at deciding what they would say and do telepathically. "Commander Nishizumi, she…"
"She went to ask for some more time!" Saori exclaimed after a moment of hesitation. "Yeah! She's going to ask Darjeeling for another half-hour or so before the fighting starts up again, just so we can get everything properly fixed," she added, glancing over at Hana. "Right?"
"Ah…Yes…" Hana said slowly, giving Saori a subtle but understanding nod. "We still need to repair the treads on the Char B1, do we not, Yukari?"
"R-right!" Yukari replied, slowly picking up on the unspoken. "A-and the more we are helping out, the faster we'll have it fixed." She gestured towards the French tank and the limp tread stretched out across the sand, and the gathered team slowly dispersed, with some going to help Yukari and Heron team repair their tank, some returning to their own tanks to make final checks, and some retreating to what little shade there was to await the battle they thought would come.
Once she was alone, Saori sat herself down in the shadow of the Phoenix's front. She knew there was no point in lying about what Maho had decided, especially after the Student Council had just dropped the bomb of their school's imminent closure on them. She had just panicked.
She shook her head and sighed. She needed to figure something out. She wanted to believe that Maho wouldn't actually go through with conceding the match, but the more rational part of her wasn't so sure. She knew better than most at Ooarai that Maho was not someone who changed her mind easily, and Saori couldn't exactly fault her for her reasoning. Putting people in danger, especially people she considered friends, just to win a game of Sensha-Do? Even if it meant saving their school, Saori wasn't entirely convinced that it was worth the risk. But if Maho didn't have a change of heart, if they didn't keep on fighting, what then?
"Uhm… Saori…"
"Huh?!" Saori jerked back to attention, hitting the back of her head against the Phoenix on her way back from wherever she had been getting lost in thought. "Ow…" she said meekly, rubbing at the point of impact with a hand as she looked up to see Azusa standing in front of her.
"Sorry, are you alright?" Azusa asked.
"Yeah…" Saori sighed. "I'm fine. What is it, Azusa? Anything I can help with? Is it a boy?"
"N-no, nothing… nothing like that," Azusa answered, blushing and waving her hands in front of her in protest. "N-no, it's…" she paused, looking over her shoulder before getting closer and squatting down in front of Saori. "It's about Ma-… It's about Commander Nishizumi…" she said in a hushed tone.
"Oh," Saori said in a low voice. She could feel a sense of worry that she wouldn't have a good answer return to her, but she nodded for Azusa to sit down beside her. "What… what do you want to know?"
"Well…" Azusa said, seemingly a bit uncomfortable and nervous, "it's about before… what you said… Commander Ni-"
"You can just say Maho, you know?" Saori said in an attempt to reassure Azusa. "I know you two are close."
"You-you do?" Azusa yelped in embarrassment, but steadied herself as best she could. "W-well… then… before. Maho, she… she isn't negotiating for more time, is she?"
"H-what do you me-"
"She went to surrender," Azusa added. "Didn't she?"
Saori remained quiet for a moment, letting her gaze scan across the courtyard and the different groups of people, all doing their own thing, before ultimately sighing. "Yeah…" she said quietly. "She did."
"I thought as much…" Azusa sighed. "She's already lost so much, it figures that she wouldn't want to put anyone else at risk again."
"B-but, I'm sure she'll figure something out," Saori said as confidently as she could, trying her best to smile. "Maho's a smart girl, and an awesome tanker. She'll give Darjeeling a piece of her mind and come right back here. Just you wait!"
"Yeah…" Azusa said quietly. "I hope so too…"
The world didn't seem much more than a blur, vague splotches of dark moving across light, and the muffled, irregular noises made it seem like all was drowned in deep water, an impression that the strange sensation of cold seemed to agree with, as Maho felt her senses and the ability of conscious thought return to her. The process was sluggish, her limbs feeling like lead and her thoughts like syrup, but as moments turned to seconds her vision began to clear a bit, letting detail return to the world as she slowly felt able to take hold of her surroundings.
Her mind still felt dull, although the syrupy sluggishness of her thoughts seemed to recede a bit with every second. Looking around, Maho tried to grasp where she was or what had happened, although what she saw only gave her clues as to the former question. The previously dark splotches now very clearly stood out against the sandy dunes as members of St. Gloriana's Sensha-Do team, all of them sporting the reds and blacks of their team's uniform. She tried to stand herself up from where she was sitting, which a few moments of observation proved to be a small but comfortable chair, but her limbs refused to obey. Her fingers meekly clasped around nothing but air as her arms were too leaden to raise themselves and her legs moved lamely as her feet slid against the loose sand in search of perches, finding none. A small, annoyed grunt escaped between her lips, but beyond that the minute reserves of strength left within her proved useless in getting her body to move.
"Hey," she heard a voice call out from behind her. "I believe she is awake."
Limply turning her head in an attempt to find the source of the voice, Maho saw a girl with bronze hair standing in the sun and holding a fan, which for some reason she was using to fan Maho instead of herself.
"Masala, please inform Lady Darjeeling," another voice called, and as Maho turned to see who the voice belonged to, she saw another girl, her orange hair tied up in braids and far smaller than the one with the fan, walking over towards her. The girl seemed familiar to Maho, even if she thought she could barely have recognized even Chiyomi at the present moment. As the girl came closer and the bright light of the sun that had until now reflected off the small girl's hair gave way to a bluish tint of shade, Maho only then realized that she was sitting in the shade of a large parasol. "Oh, I'm glad to see you're alright, Miss Nishizumi. Please, drink this," the girl said as she knelt slightly at Maho's side, offering her a canteen. Even as the fog in her mind slowly receded, Maho still felt too groggy to object and so did as she had been told, taking the canteen in a meek, shaky hand and lifting it to her lips. Maho's present lack of motor skills meant that a great deal of the contents ended up missing her mouth and running down her chin, but she drank regardless until there was no more to drink. The water was cold and refreshing, far more so than the lukewarm water of her own canteen, and every drop of it helped to lubricate her parched and dry throat.
"Another…" she said with a slur, pushing the canteen back into the small girl's hands.
"R-right," the small girl replied, almost in a state of shock from the sight, but darting off soon after.
During the short wait for another drink, Maho tried tensing and untensing her muscles, finding them slowly become more responsive to the point that she could actually sit herself up more properly in the chair, hunching over the table in front of her and using her arms to support her, rather than lying back limp as she had when she first came to. Rubbing at her brow, she discovered a cool, bandage-like shape covering it, but as she reached to remove it, the girl returned.
"I would advise against removing that, Miss Nishizumi. You need to cool down," she said somewhat anxiously, gently pushing Maho's hand away from the cooling pad and giving her the canteen once more. Maho glanced bitterly at the girl for a moment, but soon rid herself of the unpleasant annoyance and simply nodded before lifting the canteen to her lips once again. The second batch of water went down almost as swiftly as the first, although she managed to not spill any of it this time, and instead simply drank. When the canteen was empty, the girl expectantly reached out for it, but Maho held up a hand to tell her to pause as she drew a few deep breaths.
"Thank you…" she said in a low and still somewhat raspy voice as she handed the canteen back. "Could you get me some more?"
"Please do, Orange Pekoe." This voice, Maho had no trouble at all in recognizing, and a few moments later she was proven correct as Darjeeling sat herself down in another chair by the table. "In fact, I believe you may prepare three glasses. I would think this should prove an interesting discussion, and I would like you to be here for it."
"Yes, Lady Darjeeling. At once," the girl nodded, and once again disappeared.
"What's going on here?" Maho muttered, the annoyance of seeing Darjeeling dispelling all sluggishness and returning her mind to full awareness. "Why am I here?"
"Before you go around accusing me of trickery, I would like to point out that you walked almost all the way here on your own accord, Nishizumi," Darjeeling said with a calm yet amused voice. "I simply had you carried here once you collapsed a hundred meters or so from our camp. It seemed so awfully rude to simply leave you lying unconscious in the sand." Seeing a hint of alarm grow on Maho's face, she quickly added "Don't worry. It's only been a few minutes. I will of course extend our ceasefire so that you might recover before we kick things off again, so to speak."
"Fine…" Maho sighed. Darjeeling's explanation resonated fairly well with her own memory of what had happened, now that the sluggishness of her mind had come unclogged. This however came with its own set of problems. She groaned under her breath as she began to recall the unwinnable situation Ooarai was in, and how surrender was the only option left to her.
"Lady Darjeeling," Orange Pekoe said as she came back to the table, carrying a small tray with three glasses of a reddish-brown liquid and a few cubes of ice in each. She steadily and without a word handed out the glasses, placing one in front of Darjeeling, one in front of Maho, and leaving one in front of herself as she sat down on the last of the three chairs around the table.
"Thank you, Orange Pekoe. Now then," Darjeeling said with a small gesture, evidently meant to give them some privacy as the girl with the fan behind Maho as well as everyone else within earshot left the table and the surrounding area without neither word nor delay, "What brings you to my table today, Commander Nishizumi?"
At first Maho didn't answer, and instead simply grabbed the glass before her to drink. The liquid was sweet, almost cloyingly so, but it was cold and refreshing nonetheless, so Maho chose to keep her reservations for its taste to herself.
"Nicely done, Darjeeling" she said coldly as she put the glass down once more, the words almost catching in her throat. "I thought I could beat you by taking out the flag tank when it was isolated; A quick and decisive blow. And instead, you read me like a book…"
"Thank you, Nishizumi. I must admit, I am quite proud of our performance here," Darjeeling nodded graciously. "Still, I would hope my knowing you so well didn't come as a great surprise? I believed I had been quite overt in my admiration of you and your talents." She smirked and paused, taking a sip of her own iced tea. "If anything, I'm sorry to say that you've left me rather wanting during our time together, my dear. You're not trying to make me jealous, are you?"
"What are you talking about?" Maho muttered, rolling her eyes as she emptied her glass and looked to Orange Pekoe, who swiftly had it refilled, even as she looked nervously back-and-forth between Maho and Darjeeling, as if she felt neither comfortable nor welcome at the table.
"As I told you back on the Ark Royal, I've barely been able to stop thinking of you these past weeks, Nishizumi. Our little skirmish in Ooarai haunts me to this day, and your incredible performance against Saunders and Anzio have only added to my obsession. I'm not ashamed to admit it; by this morning I considered myself consumed by you."
"If this is your way of asking me out, I'll spare you the pain," Maho scoffed. "I'm not interested."
"That is a great shame, but you needn't worry. I'm already quite occupied on that front," Darjeeling laughed. "Still, it wounds me greatly that you would show your true self to both Kay and Anchovy, all the while leaving me parched and starved of the satisfaction you know I crave."
"I assume it wouldn't shut you up if I claimed that neither Kay or Anchovy put such definitive a point to my plan as you?" Maho asked dryly, taking another sip of the tea. Insidiously enough, the cloying sweetness was beginning to grow on her. "They at least gave me chances to recover and regroup, while your little cold read struck me to the ground right away and made it so I couldn't get back on my feet again."
"I didn't know flattery was in your arsenal," Darjeeling smiled. "However, that does remind me," she added, and reached into her pocket. "This belongs to you, I believe?" Maho's eye's widened as Darjeeling set down a small, worn-down, bear on the table, covered in stitches and bandages. A Boko. Reaching into her own pocket in a slight panic, Maho found it to be empty and swiftly snatched the bear off the table and into her own hands. "Assam found it lying in the sand next to you where you collapsed, and gave it to me for safe keeping," Darjeeling continued. "Although she wasn't exactly sure what it is. Obviously it's a stuffed animal or mascot of some sort, but as to what precisely it is or where it came from, we all came up blank. I would greatly appreciate you enlightening me, Nishizumi."
Maho was only vaguely aware of Darjeeling's monologue as she looked at the Boko. Some small patches of it were still covered in loose grains of sand, but these were quickly yet carefully brushed away by a gentle thumb, even as Maho's thoughts raced where they had previously been still.
She had come here to concede. To surrender. There was no way for her to win. Darjeeling's position was too advantageous, and her own far too weak. St. Gloriana held every single advantage possible, and the only reasonable thing to do was to accept the reality of the situation. There was no point in continued resistance. It could only delay the inevitable: Oorai's defeat and closure. She knew perfectly well that this was the case. And yet, looking down at the bear and holding it in her hand she felt her conviction begin to waver.
She recalled Azusa's impassioned rallying of the team. She recalled her crewmates begging her to believe. She recalled Koume's harsh yet fair assessment, her father's praise, Chiyomi's encouragement, Ami's advice, and more. She felt a strange sense of doubt begin to boil within her, not in herself so much as in her assessment, of what she had believed possible and not. Cold rationality began giving ground to fiery passion, at first as an orderly fighting retreat, but soon it devolved into an all-out rout.
Maho glanced up at Darjeeling, and in an instant recalled their battle in Ooarai, their fierce, conversing duels, their game of Go aboard the Ark Royal, and their battle in the foundry-like heat of the desert. She shook her head for a moment, feeling incredibly stupid. She had been an idiot, just as Emi would have told her were she here. The battle was not hopeless, far from it. Sure, Darjeeling held the advantage in numbers, armor, firepower, experience, crews, and position, but only now did Maho realize that it wouldn't matter. And as the realization dawned upon her, lit by the blazing fire within her, she couldn't help but contain the smirk that spread across her face.
"I'm sorry, Darjeeling," Maho chuckled to herself as she returned the Boko to her own pocket, standing up from the table as she felt her strength come flooding back in a great rush. "I'm afraid you'll have to do better than this to psych me out." It made sense, Maho supposed, that a few months of dealing with Anzu would bestow upon her a certain immunity to the trickery and machinations of others, Darjeeling in particular. In Maho's mind, the Pipsqueak had proved herself equal to all the world combined, as much as she hated to admit it. "If it's not too much to ask, however, I would like for our ceasefire to be extended by another 20 minutes, so my team and I can prepare ourselves."
"By all means, take half-an-hour," Darjeeling offered, and made another gesture with her hand. Shortly thereafter, a girl with brown hair tied up in a long braid came walking over.
"Yes, Lady Darjeeling?"
"Rukuriri, would you be so kind as to escort Commander Nishizumi back towards Ooarai's positions?" Darjeeling asked, glancing over to Maho with a coy smile. "It would be a shame for her to collapse twice in this heat."
"Of course, Lady Darjeeling," Rukuriri nodded with a salute, and turned towards Maho. "Commander Nishizumi, this way if you please."
Maho turned to follow, but paused for a second and looked back at the table. "Orange Pekoe…" she said slowly under her breath, glancing at the smaller girl.
"Yes?" Orange Pekoe answered, seemingly taken by surprise at even being addressed.
"I'm assuming you're the one who's been commanding the Churchill?"
"Yes, Commander Nishizumi," Orange Pekoe replied with a small bow.
"Interesting," Maho said. "You made for a most convincing Darjeeling. The only way I'd have known something was up was if I had seen you standing in the cupola. Most impressive." She paused and nodded to Darjeeling and Orange Pekoe in turn. "I'll watch your career with great interest," she added, and turned to walk away with Rukruriri towards the waiting Matilda II.
"So," Assam asked as she walked over to the table and sat down, once Rukuriri and Maho had left, "How did it go? Did she surrender?"
"No, she did not," Darjeeling said with fierce excitement gleaming in her eye. "In fact, i think I've never seemed someone look so determined in their life."
"I see…" Assam said matter-of-factly. "Orange Pekoe? What's your interpretation?"
"Well…" Orange Pekoe said slowly, rubbing her chin for a moment as she gathered her thoughts. "Miss Nishizumi did seem very confident and eager to fight as she left…"
"Indeed," Darjeeling beamed, excitedly rubbing her hands together. "With Nishizumi back on the board, I believe we shall have front row seats to a proper demonstration of what those secretive Nishizumi's are truly capable of."
"I don't know what you did, but are you sure this is very clever?" Assam asked, far from sharing in Darjeeling's excitement. "I know you want to see Nishizumi fight at her full capacity in preparation for the final, but there is such a thing as being overzealous."
"There is also such a thing as being too cautious and worried," Darjeeling conutered. "Do you know this saying? 'The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise'."
"And do you know this saying?" Assam muttered with a roll of her eyes as she accepted the glass of iced tea Orange Pekoe gave her. "Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it."
"Maporin!"
As Maho neared the entrance of the village, Saori called out and came running towards her, followed shortly behind by Yukari and Hana, with Mako walking at a leisurely pace at the back as they rushed to meet her.
"What… uhhh…" Saori asked cautiously as she stopped a few paces away from Maho, seemingly stopping herself from lunging at her at the last second. "What… what happened?"
Maho didn't answer, and instead just clenched her fists as she stared down at the sand below her. Ever since she left St. Gloriana's camp behind, she had felt the strength of her newfound conviction dwindling, as she was overcome by an annoyed, fearful guilt. She might have been able to convince herself to fight on, to get back on her feet once more regardless of what punishment she might be dealt, but she had no idea how she was going to convince the others. And especially not for how she would make amends for her previous hopelessness.
"Are… are we still…" Yukari began, but her voice died down before she could finish the question.
"Are you alright, Maho?" Hana asked.
"Punch me…" Maho mumbled under her breath, almost inaudibly."
"What?" Saori asked, taking a step closer.
"Punch me…" Maho repeated, still not being able to raise her gaze.
"Why…" Yukari said with a confused look. "Why would we…"
"I said, 'Punch me'!" Maho said once more, her voice bristling with anger even as she continued to stare bitterly at the ground. "Just one of you punch me already! I deserve it!"
"Maho…" Saori said with concern and worry in her voice.
"Why?" Mako asked matter-of-factly. "You didn't do anything."
"No, I…" Maho could feel her voice waver, even if she wasn't sure why. All she knew was that she was getting more and more angry with every second that passed. "I… just… I messed up, okay, so just punch me, will you?!" She raised her gaze and looked up at the others, her eyes flitting wildly from Saori, to Hana, to Yukari, then Mako, and back again, furiously anticipating someone to deliver her a well-deserved punch to the face. The four girls looked back and forth between one another and Maho, until finally Saori stepped up, and Maho closed her eyes as she steeled herself for the coming blow.
"Maho…" Saori said with a strange calmness. "Did… did you concede the match?"
"No… I…" Maho said, the words catching in her throat as she looked away, not able to look Saori in the eye. "I… I was going to… I wanted to… but… I just… I just couldn't-..."
Maho's rambled explanation was interrupted as Saori wrapped her arms around her torso and held her firmly in place. "It's okay, Maporin…" she said softly as she hugged Maho even tighter. "It's okay."
"But…" Maho tried as she slowly opened her eyes once more, but her voice died down once more as Yukari, then Hana, and then Mako all joined in the hug. "I screwed everything up…"
"Nothing's screwed up," Yukari said as they slowly let go of Maho and took a respectful step back. "We're still in the fight, right?"
"Well, yeah…" Maho mumbled.
"Then that means we can still win," Hana noted.
"Yeah!" Saori said cheerfully. "It's just like with love! Nothing's over or impossible until you stop trying!"
"And how's that attitude worked out for you so far?" Mako said with a disinterested shrug, looking at Saori.
"Hey! I'm trying to keep a positive attitude here!" Saori snapped, turning her attention to Mako. "Stop being mean to me, or I'll tell your grandma about you skipping school!"
"It's not my fault you keep making such easy-to-burst bubbles," Mako said with a smug grin, as Saori knocked her over the head.
"But how…" Maho asked, brushing a few loose tears from her cheek as she looked at her four crewmates, "how can you all just be OK with this? No matter what I've done or how horrible I've been to you, you keep being nice to me… Why?"
"Don't be silly, Maho," Saori said with a smile, abandoning her playful beating of Mako. "We told you already."
"You are not just our Commander, Maho," Hana continued. "You are our friend."
"Yeah!" Yukari said excitedly. "And friends stick up for one another!"
"Are you sure?" Maho asked. "I mean… do you really think so? I don't deserve even half of all the kindness you've shown me…"
"We're not stupid, Maho," Saori replied. "We're your friends for a reason, and that means you deserve it."
"Right…" Maho mumbled, before shaking her head for a moment to clear her head. "I… I still don't think I deserve it, but from this moment on i promise you I will do everything in my power to earn everything you've done for me, and well," she said, her voice growing firm and steady once more, "if you will have me, I would be honored to consider you all my friends."
Saori, Hana, Mako, and Yukari looked between one another for a few moments, before Hana took a step forward and bowed gently. "The pleasure is all ours."
"Thank you," Maho said. "Thank you." With that, she without hesitation stepped forwards and lunged towards the others, catching Saori and Hana in a tight embrace that the two girls quickly answered. Yukari and Mako joined in soon thereafter.
"We still have a problem though…" Mako muttered as the group hug came to a close. "We still need to come up with a plan to win this…"
"Right…" Saori said in a low voice, bowing her head. "With all that happened, I kinda forgot…"
"Yeah…" Yukari sighed. "We're still in a pretty bad spot…"
"Don't worry…" Maho said with a pure, confident smile. She could see the battlefield and their situation clearly now, and she could feel the change coming in her bones. "I have an idea…"
"So…" Maho said as calmly as she could and looked up from the rough map she had sketched in the sand, "That's the plan. Any questions?"
"Is it going to work?" Momo said with a derisive sneer, crossing her arms. "You've screwed up plenty before, Nishizumi, and we've come too far for you to sink our chances at saving our school now," she continued, clarifying to a painful degree how little she thought of Maho's abilities. In an obvious attempt to add insult to injury, she also made sure to put particular emphasis on 'our', making it clear that she still considered Maho to be little more than an interloper. An outsider messing about where they were neither wanted nor welcome. "Think what you want of my strategies," she added scornfully, "at least I know not to send our flag tank right into the jaws of the enemy to fend for itself."
"You're right…" Maho replied and stood herself up, brushing away some loose sand that had stuck to her knee as she explained her idea. "Under normal circumstances, putting the flag tank in danger with no reinforcements is a good way to lose. But unless you hadn't noticed, these aren't exactly normal circumstances." She couldn't help but smirk as she looked at the bitter anger begin to show through on the Cyclops' face, but continued before she had time to speak up. "Darjeeling has us trapped, and there's only one thing she wants more than to win; me."
"If it was up to me, she could damn well have you," Momo muttered under her breath. "And good riddance, too."
"And so," Maho continued without paying the snide comment any mind, "I'm going to offer her something she won't be able to refuse: an all-out fight with me."
"What if they overwhelm you and take you out before we get a chance to strike back?" Yuzu asked anxiously.
"It's a possibility," Maho sighed. "But this is still the best I can come up with, given the circumstances. I'm not going to deny that putting the Phoenix in danger like this is going to be incredibly risky. All it takes is a single mistake, and we'll be out of the tournament, and Ooarai is going to go down with us. But it's still a risk I'm willing to take." She paused for a moment, feeling anxiety and anticipation mix in her gut to form an uncomfortable sludge of emotion she wasn't sure she had ever experienced before as she glanced around at what was left of Ooarai's Sensha-Do team. "There's still a risk someone could get hurt, however," she said coldly and slowly. "I can't guarantee anything that's going to happen once we launch the attack, and I'm not going to force anyone to take that risk. I know this is an… unusual… situation, but I've had friends get hurt before trying to win a match, and so I know first-hand that there is nothing worth taking a risk like this for. Not prestige. Not fame. Not money. And certainly not a school." She let her voice lower just slightly, speaking slowly as she finished off her speech to make sure there was no doubt about the seriousness of the situation. "So if any of you have even the smallest reservation about the plan whatsoever, or you don't like the idea, or don't feel willing to put yourself or others at risk like this, now is the time to speak up. We can still call up the judges and say you've gotten heatstroke, or that you're feeling unwell. They'll put the match on halt and send a Samaritan out here to get you back to safety. It's an easy out, and no one's going to think less of you if you decide to take it."
A solemn, doubtful silence fell over the small gathering, as glances and low murmurs were traded back and forth between friends and crewmates as they all privately debated Maho's words.
"Well," Erwin said after a while, boasting a confident smile. "You said it yourself; We're not going to come up with anything better, and besides, I'd rather be the hammer than the anvil anyways."
Caesar, Oryou, and Saemonza nodded in agreement.
"Yeah! It's a bit goofy footed, but we've been in this dig long enough!" Noriko concurred. "A six-up is just the thing to get a breakpoint. All we need is to show full determination and never back down!"
"Yeah! Determination!" Taeko, Akebi, and Shinobu cheered in unison.
"Alright, let's put it all on red!" Anzu said enthusiastically.
"Anzu, maybe try and be a bit more thoughtful?" Yuzu noted with a hint of worry in her voice.
"Hey, where's the fun if you know the outcome?" Anzu smirked. "Life's a gamble anyways. We're sold!"
"It's not exactly against the rules, I guess…" Sodoko muttered with a bitter pout, averting her eyes from her teammates. "Fine. We'll do it too," she added after a few moments, her shoulder sinking in defeat as Pazomi and Gomoyo hugged her.
"We're…" Azusa said cautiously, pausing and turning around to look at her friends for confirmation before continuing. "We're in too…"
"We'll be right beside you, Maporin," Saori said calmly, and put a hand on Maho's shoulder.
"Yes. You can count on us," Hana agreed, nodding gently.
"Yeah! We can do this!" Yukari cheered, throwing a fist in the air. "I know we can!"
"Sounds fine, I guess," Mako mumbled unenthusiastically. "We're going to be on the clock though. I'm not making any guarantees how long I'll be able to keep the Phoenix running in all this sand."
"Alright then…" Maho said and gave a definitive nod to the other tank commanders. "Everyone, make sure to get your tanks ready and prepare to launch Operation: Thamos, König von Ägypten."
"Copy that," Anzu said enthusiastically. "Let's win this! For Ooarai!"
"For Ooarai!" the rest of the team cheered in unison, fists raised to the skies, before dispersing into a flurry of activity.
"So, what's our status?" Maho asked as her and the rest of the Phoenix' crew walked over to the Panzer IV.
"The tracks should hold just fine," Mako muttered. "Can't say the same for the engine though. It wasn't exactly built to handle something like this."
"I know," Maho sighed. But it's just going to have to hold out. "What about the turret?"
"Hana and I fixed the traverse," Yukari reported. "Or… well… we think we did, at least…"
"It's going to work," Hana said confidently, putting a hand on Yukari's shoulder. "Yukari's got it all fixed up."
"Alright. Make sure we've got an AP shell loaded, and keep that last HE-round close at hand. Mako, get the engine warmed up and make sure everything's ready. Saori, do a radio check with the other tanks."
"Right!" Saori nodded, but before she could sprint off she turned back to Maho. "Hey… Maho?"
"What is it?"
"How… I mean… are you sure this is going to work? What if they don't take the bait?"
"Huh…" Maho tapped her fingers against the side of her leg for a moment as she considered her answer. "I don't know… We probably lose, and very quickly."
"Right…" Saori said in a low voice, scratching at her shoulder as she looked down to hide the doubt creeping onto her face.
"But I don't think that will happen," Maho continued, putting a hand on Saori's shoulder.
"What makes you so sure?"
"Just a feeling," Maho answered with a smirk.
"Right!" Saori smiled back. "Okay. We'll have the Phoenix ready for you when you get back!"
Maho gave a final nod in reply, and Saori climbed up and into the Phoenix as Maho began to slowly walk away from the tank, taking a leisurely stroll around the small village square that was now bustling with activity. The Phoenix was not alone among Ooarai's remaining tanks in having every piece and function of it checked and rechecked, as the team prepared for what was to come.
Six tanks… Maho thought solemnly as she walked, her glance passing over the other tanks and making a cursory inspection of each. We've only got six tanks… Darjeeling has eleven… not to mention the Victory… She stopped and sighed, shaking her head in an attempt to banish the worried and anxious thoughts that were clouding her mind. Come on, Maho… Stop listening to them, you pitiful idiot. These people are counting on you, and you don't have a choice anyways. You just need to-
"Commander? Commander Nishizumi?"
"Huh?" Maho looked up at the sound of her name being called, and saw Yuuki having walked over to her.
"Did you want something?"
Having been lost in thought, Maho hadn't even realized she had stopped walking right in front of the M3 Lee.
"No… I…" Maho said slowly, trying to carefully choose her words, but to little avail.
"If you're looking for Azusa, she's not here," Yuuki said without waiting for a proper response. "She said she needed some time to think before things get all hectic."
"Oh…" Maho replied, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "Do you know where she went?"
"Hey, Yuuki!" Ayumi called out from the Lee. "I need a hand here!"
"Coming!" Yuuki called back, and began to sprint back to the American tank, but paused for a moment to nod her head in the direction of a small alley on the other end of the village, where about an hour earlier Maho herself had been hiding herself away.
As she got close to the alleyway, Maho could hear the faint sound of sniffles and crying from behind the corner, and she slowed her pace as she approached the turn. "Hey, Azusa? You there?" she asked, making sure that Azusa had noticed her approaching before she rounded the corner.
"Y-... y-yeah…" Azusa replied, her voice shaking slightly. "I'm… I'm here…"
Taking a moment to steel herself and dispel her own issues, at least for the moment, Maho turned the corner to find Azusa sat down against the wall, hastily shoving what looked like a handkerchief back into her pocket as she looked up at Maho.
"Hey," Maho said calmly and sat herself down next Azusa, glancing over towards the younger girl and remaining silent in an attempt to not force the conversation.
"Hi…" Azusa replied in a quiet sigh.
"You holding up alright?" Maho asked in as absentminded a way as she could.
"Y-yeah…" Azusa said in a low voice. "I'm… I'm just fine…"
She was clearly lying. Even if Maho hadn't heard her crying a minute earlier, it would still have been clear as day.
"That's good…" Maho continued. "And the Lee? You guys have it all ready?"
"Yeah… I… I think so…" Azusa said, her voice flat and distant. "We couldn't get the 75mm unstuck, so unless we come at them from behind a slope it's pretty much useless, but everything else is working fine…"
"Good," Maho nodded. "I'm… I'm glad to hear that…"
A devouring silence fell over the alley, as neither Maho nor Azusa made any steps to fill the void with any further conversation, and so instead they only sat there in silence. After a while, feeling like she had to at least try and do something, Maho sighed and looked over to Azusa once more.
"Let me guess…" she said with a small smile. "You're scared, right?"
At first Azusa didn't say anything. But after a few seconds, she lifted her head and looked up to meet Maho's eyes, a gesture Maho did her best to respond to with a comforting nod.
"I…" Azusa said in a low, almost whimpering voice as she held out a hand in front of her eyes, staring blankly at it as it trembled. "I guess so…"
"That's good…" Maho replied. "At least, I think it is…"
"Why… why is that good?" Azusa asked, grasping her wrist and holding it tight to her chest as she looked up at Maho once more.
Maho shrugged and held up her own hand so that Azusa could see it, and how it was trembling just as much as hers, if not more.
"I guess it means we're not stupid…" she posited. "It means we know what we're about to do…"
"I… I guess so…" Azusa sighed, her head once more returning to rest against her knees. "I… I just don't get why you're trusting me with this… I've done nothing but screw up ever since we first joined the team…"
"You really haven't, Azusa…" Maho replied. "And I can speak with some authority on what it's like to screw up…"
"That's not the same, though!" Azusa protested. "Who cares if you lost the finals last year, you saved people's lives! When we fought St. Gloriana last time, I panicked and just ran away, while you turned the match around and almost beat them single-handedly. When we fought Saunders, we got taken out without firing so much as a shot, and you still kept going and were on the brink of winning. I screwed up against Anzio too, and if it wasn't for you taking out their flag tank, none of us would be here. You've done all these incredible things, and I just keep being a failure. If I can't even manage something as simple as being myself, how can you trust me with something this important?"
Maho remained quiet as she contemplated the question, letting her head lean back against the wall behind them and looking up at the sky above.
"You know…" she said after a while. "When I was younger, and Miho was still just a kid, she used to be obsessed with this kids show, where it didn't matter how many times he got beaten up or he fell flat on his face… He just kept getting back up again." Reaching into the pocket of her skirt, she retrieved the small boko and held it in her hands as she looked at it, gently stroking the fabric with one thumb. "I used to think it was stupid. But Miho really liked him, so as the big sister I just kinda had to accept it and play along. One time I messed up during target practice and was… feeling down… she gave me this. I've just been carrying it around with me as some sort of reminder of what she used to be like, I guess… " She sighed and shook her head for a moment, before continuing. "Growing up as a Nishizumi, I was taught that defeat was unacceptable. That anything less than complete perfection was reprehensible. Until Koume and Emi fell in the river last year, I couldn't even comprehend the idea of not achieving victory no matter the cost. So yeah… I guess it's taken me way too long to realize it, but screwing things up, getting beaten and falling on your face, that's not the end. When you fall down, there's nothing else you can do but get back up." With that, she rose to her feet once more, brushing away the sand that clung to her skirt, before turning to look down at Azusa. "That's why I know I can trust you with this, Azusa. Because no matter what's happened, you've never given up on Sensha-Do, and no matter what happens next, I know you'll always get back on your feet."
Azusa looked up at Maho, smiling as she brushed a sleeve across her eyes. "You… you really mean that?"
"Of course," Maho nodded. "Besides, weren't you the one to say that we were going to win this together?"
"R-right," Azusa said sheepishly, looking away for a moment as she blushed.
"So," Maho said and reached a hand out towards Azusa, "You ready to go win this? Together?"
Azusa nodded, and took Maho's hand as she got back up, letting Maho help drag her to her feet. "Together."
"Hey, Azusa…" Maho said as they walked back out into the sunlit square, her feet coming to a halt.
"Yes, Maho?" Azusa replied and turned around to meet Maho's eye.
"We're probably not going to be able to communicate once we kick this off, so here." She held out an open hand towards Azusa, the small boko lying in her palm. "In… in case you need some extra support… I guess…"
"Are… are you sure?" Azusa asked, her eyes darting back and forth between Maho and the bear. "I thought… I mean… what about…"
"The Miho I knew is gone…" Maho sighed. "I can't keep holding on to the past like this. And besides… I think you need this more than me right now."
Azusa looked once more at Maho, before her eyes finally settled on the small bear. "O-... okay…" She gently took the bear into her hands, looking it over as she felt the aged fabric beneath her fingers, before looking back up at Maho. "Thank you. I'll… I'll keep it safe."
"I know," Maho smiled, and put a reassuring hand on Azusa's shoulder. "I'll see you on the other side."
"Yeah," Azusa nodded, smiling as Maho met her gaze one last time before walking away across the square. Looking back down at the bear in her hands, Azusa took a deep breath and steadied herself as she pressed the bear tightly to her chest. "When you fall down, there's nothing else you can do but get back up," she said softly under her breath. "When you fall down, there's nothing else you can do but get back up. When you fall down, there's nothing else you can do but get back up. When you fall down, there's nothing else you can do but get back up."
She carefully put the bear into the pocket of her skirt and steeled herself, before turning and walking off towards the M3 Lee. In the corner of her eye, she saw Maho turning on the spot and walking back towards the STuG III.
"Hey, Erwin!" she called out, breaking into a small sprint as she crossed the square once more. "I need a favor!"
"Oh!" Carpaccio exclaimed. "It looks like there's movement again!"
"Nice," Kay cheered. "Finally we get back to the action!"
"I don't know about 'action'," Anchovy said doubtfully as she looked back at the large screens. "Ooarai are still under siege with just one way in and out. If there's any battle at all, it's just going to turn into a massive slogging match. Especially with Darjeeling having brought that monstrosity back from the dead," she added, referring to the Victory.
"Not necessarily…" Naomi said thoughtfully, leaning back in her seat. "Under normal circumstances, Darjeeling would almost certainly be more cautious with how she deploys a super-heavy like the Black Prince so that she won't be barred from using it against Kuromorimine, but since Ooarai doesn't have a gun on their team capable of penetrating it, she doesn't really need to worry. She can make use of it however she wants. On the other hand, if Nishizumi is as clever as she seems, she knows that too. If Ooarai can manage to get a tank or two away from the siege, Darjeeling would be forced to split her forces to protect her flag tank from any unforeseen moves. Depending on how Ooarai plays this, this could become a very interesting match…"
"Naomi…" Anchovy said with a curious tone. "Remind me again why she's the one in charge of Saunders and not you?" she asked, pointing a thumb at Kay over her shoulder.
"Meetings are boring," Naomi shrugged. "As long as she handles all the tedious admin and gives me something to shoot at every now and then, I'm perfectly happy letting Kay command the team."
"Yup," Kay said with a cheerful and dopey grin. "As long as she's having fun, I'm more than happy to oblige."
Anchovy rolled her eyes at this and was about to cut in with another remark, but Carpaccio's voice cut in first.
"Wait, what's happening down there?" she exclaimed, and pointed at the screens showing the match.
Looking over to the huge screens, Anchovy joined in with the audience's collective gasp at the sight. A sudden but huge squall had descended out of nowhere on the two teams' position kicking sand and dirt and dust into the air, and within seconds the tanks, the village, and everything around them disappeared, completely hidden from view under an impenetrable, cloud-like veil of sand and dust.
Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The Semi-Finals reach their climax, as Ooarai fight like devils through the dust and sand to protect their school. Will they manage to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, or will Darjeeling's devious designs doom Ooarai for good?
Author's Notes:
Hello everyone!
March has come and gone, and April is upon us, but finally I'm able to bring you a new chapter. I apologize for the long wait, but let's get into it, shall we?
We have a little cameo from Centipede team of Ribbon Warrior-fame, which actually wasn't the original plan. My original idea was for the opening scene to feature a different set of characters, but as I kept working on it I had a hard time getting it all to work out the way I wanted to, and then it struck me that giving the cameo to the Centipedes would be a great way of resolving the issue. Now, those of you who have read RW might be pointing out that Shizuka and Rin didn't take up Tankathlon until the fall semester, after Ooarai defeated the University-team, but as I've done with so many other things for this story, I decided to mix the chronology and details of their entry to the sport up a bit. Hopefully that doesn't annoy too many of you.
This then brings us to the first real bulk of the chapter, which is Maho's meeting with Darjeeling. I'll be honest, I'm not entirely certain how happy I am with how I've written all of this, and I ended up rewriting these scenes several times over, but in the end I just had to face the fact that I wasn't going to make it any better without taking a couple of months of extra time to work on it, so here we are. Still, I hope my vision of the events comes across decently enough on the page, even if it might be a bit ham-fisted.
And then, finally, after 43 chapters, we have the moment we've all been waiting for: Maho accepting her crewmates' offer of friendship, and finally seeing them as true comrades and not just subordinates and classmates!
Beyond that, things move forwards at a pretty decent pace, I'd say, with Ooarai weighing the virtues and risks of their new plan; Operation Thamos, König von Ägypten, and Maho and Azusa bonding a bit more, leading in to the passing of the Boko. It might be a bit corny, but I really like how this scene turned out, with Maho and Azusa being able to see eye to eye and speak as equals, but still keeping some of that semi-sisterly energy, which is just great, IMO.
Finally, we have some banter between Saunders and Anzio back in the stands, and a sandstorm striking from nowhere upon our tankers. We'll have to wait and see how and even if they will be able to navigate this new hazard.
As for the chapter as a whole, i had originally planned to let the semi-finals play out to their end in this chapter, but I feel like the chapter lengths have been kinda slipping away from me a bit lately, and by my calculations the original version of this chapter would have ended up surpassing 20.000 words, which is a bit spicy even for my tastes. And so, I made the decision to split it in half, both to make it a bit more readable, but also to make sure some new content got out to all of you without too much of a delay. The good news is that I've already have a good third of the next chapter written and done already, since it was meant to go in here, so with a bit of luck and elbow grease, the next update shouldn't be too far away. My hope is to get chapter 45 published sometime shortly after Easter, but we shall have to see how it goes.
As always I want to thank all of you so much for reading and for getting in touch with your thoughts. If you want to let me know what you thought, please leave a review to properly make my day!
Until next time, I hope you all stay as safe as you can, and for you all to be excellent to one another.
Happy Easter, Chag Pesach Semach, and Ramadan Mubarak!
I'll see you all soon!
/Rihno
