Chapter 10

Ashima paused for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts into some kind of coherent story. 'I-I was born in the highlands of Wales about twelve years ago. My mother died giving birth to me, the other mares of the herd I was born into raised me. My father didn't have much to do with me, my mother had been the lead mare of the herd and I was blamed for her death-' She sighed heavily, unable to look at either of them, too ashamed to see the look on their face. 'One of the older mares, Kirra, took me under her wing. Her and I were both outcasts, none of the herd had much to do with either of us unless it was absolutely necessary. Anyway, skip forward six years and the herd was captured by some scientist that wanted to do experiments on us-'

She shivered, closing her eyes for a moment to stop the memories from overpowering her. 'I was the only one who survived the experiments, I watched the rest of my herd, my family, dying in agony right in front of my eyes.'

Barnacles and Dashi exchanged a look best described as horor. No wonder the filly was a mess. The filly paused again for a moment, the Captain rubbing her neck gently, letting her tell her story in her own time.

'I don't want to go into detail of my time I spent as a prisoner in his lab, it was horrific, horrible, traumatic and we'll leave it at that.' The filly reared, screaming as she was forced back into the crush for yet another injection- She shook her head, her breathing faster as she tried to force the memories back. 'I was finally able to escape, I'd been held there for four years. I wandered for sometime and was finally found by a couple who sent me to an orphanage.'

She looked up at the ocean outside, her voice dripping with sadness. 'I was the eldest orphan they had there, when we had open days so we orphans could be adopted, I was never chosen. I was too old, too sick. I had been sick for a long time from the torture I had been put through and I wasn't cute or pretty like some of the other orphans. The younger ones, they were always chosen. Time after time I was lined up with the others, always hoping that I would finally find a home, find a place in the world and time after time someone else was chosen.'

Remi. She had to pause for a moment, a tear running down her cheek. 'I met a young kitten while I was there, that kitten was Remi. No one wanted her either, she had always been quite a sickly child. Remi and I bonded, we became the closest thing to family either of us had ever had. I looked out for her, made sure she was alright. After some time the orphanage became too over crowded and not many of us were being adopted out. The decision was made by the Matron, Momma Bear, that some of us should be taken to another orphanage in another country where she felt we were going to have a better chance of being adopted. Remi and I were two of the orphans chosen to leave.'

'Well, well, well. What do we have here?' She had to pause again, shivering in fright as flashes of the pirate attack danced through her mind, forcing her to relieve it over and over again like she had for the past months. 'S-she chose to hire an older ship to take us on board, there wasn't much money to spend so she went with the cheapest she could find. Everything was fine for the first couple weeks of the voyage, then the pirate ship was spotted by the crew-'

'It's alright Ashima, you're doing great.' Barnacles comforted gently as the filly started to cry again, holding her as Dashi stroked her mane to calm her. 'Just take it slow

She nodded, getting her emotions under control after a slight struggle. 'We tried to outrun them but couldn't. The pirates caught up to us and Momma sent us below deck where we orphans would be 'safe'. We weren't. They found us.' Her voice broke slightly, more tears flowing down from grief filled eyes. 'I tried to fight them off, I tried to protect the other orphans but it wasn't enough. There were too many, they had already murdered the entire crew and I was on my own. T-they overpowered me and k-killed the rest of the orphans before my eyes-'

'Oh Ashima-' Dashi pressed her head against the filly, hugging her as the filly started to cry again. Looking up at the Captain she could see in his own eyes sadness and grief. It was no surprise she was so broken. 'Sssh, sssh.'

The filly pulled away, shaking her head. 'I tried my best, my best wasn't enough. I should have protected them, I should have been able to save them but I couldn't. The pirates had tied me up and then began to sunk the ship. I should have just drowned, I don't deserve to live when I couldn't save the rest of them.'

'Ashima-' The Captain spoke gently. 'You can't blame yourself. Sometimes terrible things happen and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. You can't blame yourself-'

'How would you know?' She asked, tears running down her face. 'I watched the other orphans killed, their throats slit, heard their screams as they watched the others die, knowing they were next. I can't get rid of the memories- I can't get them out of my head. Why am I still here while they aren't? Why am I still here and Remi isn't? I've got no place in this world, no one wants someone as broken and tortured as me. There is no place for me, I just want to end this-' She went to get up but the Captain stopped her. 'Let me go.'

'Ashima.' He spoke kindly but firmly. 'Ashima, listen to me. I've been where you are. I've been through somethings just like you. Not all, but some. I know how you feel but ending everything isn't the answer.'

She looked up at him, a brokenness in her gaze. 'Then what is?'

'Allowing yourself to let go, accepting that there are things that you don't have control over.' He replied softly. 'Ashima, there is a place for you here, with us. We want you, Ashima and I speak for the crew when I say that. Ending your life is not the answer-' He touched her cheek gently. 'What would Remi want for you?'

'For me to live.' She replied after a moment then looked at him and Dashi. 'Why would you want such a broken, worthless, useless thing like me?'

'Your not worthless Ashima.' Dashi interjected kindly. 'Your not useless and broken can be fixed. Please, just give us a chance. We know your in pain, we know that your hurting, we know you must be scared and terrified but all we ask is that you give us a chance. Please, at least give us that.'

Ashima thought for a moment then nodded, looking at them both. 'If your sure about this-'

'We are.' They replied together, then chuckled slightly and the polar bear turned back to Ashima. 'Please, talk to us if you need to, don't try and keep everything bottled up. We'll be here for you because we care about you.'

'Thank you.' She made a small smile, a genuine one this time. 'That means a lot to me.'

'We mean it Ashima. We don't want you feeling alone, without anyone to talk to because we are here for you.'

'Okay.' She nodded again. 'I will.'

'Good girl.' He smiled. 'Are you feeling better now?'

'A little.'

'Why don't we go back to bed now?' Dashi added. 'Try and get some sleep.'

'Alright.' She stood up, Dashi and Barnacles getting up too. The filly followed the dog for a couple steps then looked back at the polar bear. 'Thank you Captain.'

'Your welcome Ashima. Try and get some rest.'

'I'll try.'

He nodded, watching as Dashi and the filly headed out the door then he turned to the glass and looked into the ocean. It would take time for her to heal, it had taken years for him to get where he was now and it hadn't been easy. For her sake, he hoped the path to her healing would be easy. Lingering a moment longer he thought about things for a bit then headed back towards his room. Things were certainly going to be interesting with the filly around.


Ashima was staring out the glass into the ocean beyond later that morning, thinking about what the Captain and Dashi had said. What did she have to lose by agreeing? Things couldn't be any worse for her then they were already. Maybe she would actually find a place to belong.

Her mind was made up, tossing her mane as she turned away from the window and started towards the HQ to find the Captain. Yes. She would give them a chance. She had nothing to lose and who knew, maybe she'd find a place in this world after all.

She trotted down the carpeted hallway, half excited but nervous right down to her hooves. What if she wasn't good enough? What if she wasn't cut out to be an Octonaut? What if she stuffed up? Would they kick her out- She found herself in front of the lift to the HQ, stopping in front of it. It was now or never.

Taking a deep breath she stepped into the lift, tossing her head as it carried her up to the HQ. There was no turning back now.

Barnacles was with Dashi, going over the days plans with her as she stepped out of the lift. Walking over to them she nudged him gently with her nose to get his attention. 'Can I talk to you Captain?'

'In a moment Ashima-' He glanced at her then back at the screen. 'Everything looks in order, good job Dashi.'

'Thank you Captain.'

'Now-' He turned to the filly. 'What's on your mind?'

'Could we perhaps speak in private?' The polar bear nodded, motioning to the other side of the room and she followed him over. She looked up at the ocean outside the glass, staring into the distance.

'Ashima?' He cautiously placed a paw on her shoulder.

'I've made a decision.' She replied after a moment. 'You have been very kind offering me a place with you all, I'd like to take you up on the offer-'

'But?' He prompted gently after she'd paused for sometime.

'Are you really sure you'd want me?' Ashima turned towards him, a couple stray tears dripping down her golden fur. 'I'm worried I'd just be a burden Captain, I don't want to cause any trouble-'

'Ashima.' Barnacles interrupted softly. 'We know what we're getting ourselves in for, you've been through a lot, we can't expect you to get over it overnight. It takes time and sometimes even time can't heal some wounds but life does get better. I'm asking you to trust me Ashima, I want to help you.'

She nodded after a moment. 'I trust you.'

He smiled kindly, gently wiping the tears off her cheeks and flicking the fillies forelock out of her eyes. 'It's not always going to be easy, healing won't happen overnight but we'll always be here for you no matter what. We Octonauts aren't just a crew who help sea creatures in need, we're more then that. We're a family.'

'Thank you Captain.' The tiniest hint of a smile was on her face. 'I promise I won't let you down.'

'Why don't we call everyone in and we'll let them know?'

'Alright.'

'Would you like to sound the Octo-Alert?'

'Can I?'

'Go right ahead.' He chuckled as the filly pranced over, pushing the button with her nose. 'Octonauts, to the HQ.' It wasn't long before they were all there, gathered around and he cleared his throat. 'Octonauts, I have an announcement. Ashima here-' He placed his paw on her shoulder. 'Will be staying on here with us.'

'Alright!'

'Awesome!'

'Welcome to the Octonauts me heartie.'

'Super super.'

'We'll be glad to have you on board.'

'So glad you'll be staying.' Dash smiled, giving the filly a hug. 'I so hoped you'd decide to stay on.'

'Thanks.' Ashima smiled, looking around at them. She locked eyes with the cat for a moment then looked away, shivering. Even after all this time she was still terrified of him. She quickly brushed it aside though, glancing around. The bunny was missing.

'Well, since your going to be an Octonaut now-' Tweak exclaimed as she returned, carrying a box. 'Its time you look like one.' She placed it down on the bench, the rest of the Octonauts gathering around to see what was inside. Firstly, she pulled out a pair of boots. 'These here will help you hold onto things, I especially designed them for you.' She explained, the filly looking at her with intense attention. 'Dashi here told me how much you wanted paws and while I can't give you paws, these should help at least.'

'Thanks Tweak.' She lifted her hooves one by one to let the rabbit place to boots on then did a little dance as she felt them. They felt different, they did give her a bit better grip of the ground. 'They're brilliant.'

'Here-' She held out a book she'd picked up off the desk. 'Take hold.'

The filly placed her hoof on the book, surprised that it stayed attached to her boot. 'Wow! These are cool!'

'Yep, they work with suction on small things. Place it back on the desk then press down gently and it'll release.'

Ashima did as instructed, a huge smile coming across her face. The boots really did work. 'Thanks so much Tweak.'

'Not a problem-' She took a bite from her carrot then grabbed another item from the box. 'Always like a fresh challenge. That's not all either. This here is a special helmet like the rest of us wear, I adjusted it so it fits your handshape.' She placed the collar at the top of her neck behind her ears. 'To activate it you just nudge it with your leg.' The filly nodded and she grabbed out the next piece of equipment. 'This here is your radio, I've placed it on this necklace so you can use it with your nose.'

Ashima nodded again as Tweak placed it on her then touched it with her muzzle to test it. 'Brilliant.'

'I've got a few other things I'm working on for you, they'll be ready when you need them later on.'

'And no Octonaut isn't in full uniform if they don't have this-' Barnacles pulled a hat out from behind his back, placing it on the fillies head between her ears. 'Welcome to the crew, Ashima.'