This was very much a spur of the moment thing. I've had awful writer's block for a week, so I'll take it. Lightningheart character study, anyone?
(title from Invisible by Taylor Swift)
(also, warnings for abuse, neglect, and harmful thoughts)
- Mossy
Review Replies:
Hissing Mist- Yeah, Pinelight died really early in the roleplay! But thank you! I had fun experimenting with that piece.
succulentsofa- Thank you! I didn't want to rush events, but I didn't want them to drag on. Also, imagining the current characters parents doing normal things as very fun to write about. And don't worry, PineFern is always canon.
Phoenixlight of Fallenclan- Thanks! And I actually loved writing Ivyfrost here. Writing is actually what made me more interested in her. I like her as a sarcastic jerk, it makes her fun to write.
Mintflight0245- Ah, the descent of realizing your childhood crush is a tsundere killer. What fun! But thank you! If I have time, I would definitely like to write more for this era one day.
His birth is a cause of celebration, because of course it is. Mintstar is a great leader who meant to usher the clan into a great new era. His father is the bright, golden deputy with a charming smile.
The kits are named, Nettlekit for the hopes he'll be sharp as their mother, Webkit for his dappled stripes, Flamekit, for her fiery coat. (And the other mother, the one Mintstar cannot speak of.)
The last kit is forgotten. He is small, and black, blending into the shadows. Goldenfur bends over and presses his nose in the runt's scruff. "Lightningkit," he whispers.
The name feels too grand for the son who is barely breathing.
He cannot quite keep up with his littermates. Webkit is timid, but he doesn't get exhausted playing mossball. He watches Flamekit and Nettlekit get in an argument for the thousandth time. Nettlekit is convinced he is the future leader, but his sister is fiesty as her name suggests and she plans on challenging everything he says.
Lightningkit thinks she'd make a good deputy. Nettlekit disagrees.
"Nah," he shakes his head with too much seriousness for a three moon old kit, "It would probably be you or Webkit."
They both know it wouldn't be Lightningkit.
"Why not Flamekit?" he asks.
"We'd rip each other's throats out by the end of the moon."
The black tom finds he can't disagree with his brother.
He's in the medicine den again. Webkit, Flamekit, and Nettlekit are all excitedly talking about who they'll have as mentors.
"I want Speckleskip!"
"She's old!"
"Well, I think. Mintstar herself will train me."
Lightningkit wants to join them, but he can barely lift his head. Not for the first time, he wonders if he'll make it to apprenticeship.
"Mother, please-" he whimpers.
"You didn't catch a mouse," Mintstar growls, and he shrinks back, "Only cats who provide for my clan may eat."
He bites back the retort that he's not even quite four moons old yet, and tries to ignore the clawing pain in his stomach.
Nettlekit, stubborn to a fault, sneaks him half a mouse.
Even as Mintstar threatens him, and screams at him, he stands between his mother and Lightningkit, a glare fixed on his face.
Mintstar is getting fed up with him. She takes them out training, and Lightningkit is trying, but he's small and he feels like he has a hole in his gut from his punishments. He's a step too slow, and then he trips.
It's the last straw.
"Well then, you can get out," Mintstar hisses. His eyes are wide with shock.
"But, I-" he wants to shrink in on himself. Not for the first time, he wonders if she's right. That he should waste away.
"Only the strong survive, you are weak."
Lightningkit turns to his littermates. Flamekit can't quite meet his gaze and turns her head, her fire extinguished by fear. Webkit is shaking, and he opens his mouth before closing it.
Nettlekit shouts. "You can't do that!" his voice is thunder and Mintstar raises an eyebrow.
"Well," she whispers, sounding unsure, "You can join him then if you're so sure."
Lightningkit's heart sinks. Shadowclan is everything to Nettlekit. He's the most promising out of their litter, and he could easily be deputy someday. His ambition won't let him give that up.
Lightningkit is proven wrong when his brother growls and says, "I will."
"The river," he swallows. Nettleclaw is looking at him. His brother smirks, but Lightningkit can see the fear in his gaze.
"To Riverclan, right?" he asks, looking at his brother like he's a lifeline. He is.
"Yes-" Nettlekit nods. His voice wavers ever so slightly.
Lightningkit looks over the bank. Rain pours down. It's been one day in their exile, and he can barely move because of his stomach cramps. But he has too, he can't make Nettlekit do everything.
The rocks are slick, and he's ready to step into his new life.
He slips in instead.
Nettlekit is screaming his name and he wakes up choking. Water streams out of his mouth, and he thinks he's going to die.
He leans on his brother, and notices the white powder on the ground. He vaguely remembers Whistlepaw describing it. Snow.
It's soft, and cold. The snow numbs his pain. It wouldn't be such a bad place to die. Nettlekit drags him on.
He lives.
When they meet an apprentice, Lightningkit is relieved. Because the Beepaw can take them to Riverclan and-
He mentions a Fallenclan, and Lightningkit is confused.
But he also gets them out of the cold and in a warm nest and Lightningkit is curled up next to Nettlekit and far away from his mother.
So he supposes he can't complain too much.
The first time he gets a mouse to himself, he gazes at it with wide eyes. The royals whisper amongst themselves. He is but skin and bones, and it sets them on edge.
Whistleleaf, a kindly queen who has two sons of her own, whispers, "You know you can take a bite, little one."
His eyes go wider and he digs into the dead animal, while cats murmur worriedly.
After that it seems to become the goal of almost every cat to try and fatten him up. Beepaw stops by the nursery with a thrush, Troutpaw tries to trump him with a bigger fish. Rainflight coos and invites him to share prey with her daughters.
His stomach hurts now, but in a different way. He has to turn away an unfinished vole Moonstorm pushes on him when Acornkit won't finish it and she's too tired to force her daughter to eat.
Nettlekit says he's going to get chubby. Lightningkit thinks that's the point.
Nettlekit and Fernkit have the stupidest feud. They're sleeping with Beepaw and Troutpaw that night, because the nursery is crowded and Lightningkit kept waking up Sparrowkit when he cried out in his sleep. He couldn't help it, he just had nightmares.
(They were always his mother. Always the water. The silent pounding of rain as he realizes that he has no one and nowhere to go to-)
He does not expect the feud to suddenly involve him.
When he wakes up, covered in and bites, he screams.
He's just as surprised as Nettlekit when he suggests the yarrow in Fernkit's prey.
He does start to look better. His ribs stop poking out from under his pelt. He can run and jump with the other kits. (Though he just stays by Nettlekit's side.)
He's a far cry from the shivering, mangy kit that showed up and cried in his sleep every night.
He strays from his brother's side, even if only to share prey with one of the queens or Troutpaw.
He eats, he sleeps, and he doesn't worry about ridiculous tests that no kit should have to go through. He grows.
He has to blink as he's given his apprentice name. The newly named Snowstar is still unsteady on his paws as leader. He doesn't carry the same, deadly efficiency Mintstar had.
Hailwish is a bubbly young warrior eager for her first apprentice. She babbles about how excited she is to show him the territory, and Lightningpaw is struck by how normal this feels.
He doesn't have any pressure on his shoulders. He's just a regular apprentice going out with his mentor.
Tears of joy fall from his eyes as he smiles.
Nettlepaw is less thrilled with Jaynight. The older warrior is stiff and refused to show him fighting moves on the first day. Lightningpaw thinks he's being reasonable.
Nettlepaw still convinces Fernpaw to tell Bristlerose to accompany him to training.
He plans on trying to keep his head down and trying to earn his name. Nettlepaw can cause enough trouble for both of them.
If he and Fernpaw's rivalry gets any more out of paw, Lightningpaw thinks they'll both be dead by the end of the moon.
Then a small, silver she-cat named Mistpaw joins the clan and he so desperately wishes he could stand out.
They are fast friends. The concept is foreign to Lightningpaw. He's never really had a friend. Nettlepaw is his brother, so he doesn't think he counts.
His ears burn and something flutters against his chest, and he wonders if this is what friendship is always like.
(His sister was always a hopeless romantic. He wonders if Flamepaw is happy sometimes. If she and Webpaw got the mentors they wanted. If they miss him.
All he can do is wonder, because he'll never go back.)
He does not know if Nettlepaw has friends. He and Fernpaw are glued to each other's sides and have their teeth at the other's throat. Tarrantpaw trails after them on unsteady paws, trying not to get caught in the crossfire.
Lightningpaw rolls his eyes and pretends not to notice when Mistpaw's eyes also trail after Nettlepaw.
He should have seen this coming. Mistpaw presents Nettlepaw with a flower, and Lightningpaw's heart constricts. He knows it's a bad idea. Tarrantpaw is in the medicine den, and Nettlepaw's heart is in there too.
(He doesn't know if it's selfish to let her cry on his shoulder afterwards. To pretend that they're tears of joy because she returns his feelings, and not her heart breaking because his brother doesn't.)
Next it's Flarepaw. He has a charming smile and when he flashes it in Mistpaw's direction, Lightningpaw's hackles raise.
Everyone knows he's hung up on the newly named Cloverpaw, who could recognize affection if it hit her in the face.
He can have her. Lightningpaw just doesn't want Mistpaw getting hurt again.
She does. She twists her ankle, and it's Echocall who carries her back.
Echocall, who came from Shadowclan. Who was strong, and handsome, and a warrior. Who stood up to Lightningpaw's mother. Who was a hero.
Who was everything Lightningpaw thought he should be.
He's not surprised when Mistpaw watches him with stars in her eyes.
Lightningheart is an average warrior. He's not particularly graceful or strong. But he earns his name, and it's something he's proud of. Nettleclaw is downright smug, sauntering over to Fernfrost with promises of trouble.
He even manages to catch a bright smile from Mistpaw in his direction, and he ducks his head and flushes. Even when she's not his to hold, she sets his heart on fire.
Echocall is the perfect, handsome mate he knew she always wanted. Who she deserves.
It's a surprise when things fall apart, because life doesn't always work out the way it does in those stories Lightningheart holds so dear.
It was a clean, mutual affair. Echocall loves someone else, and Mistcloud is too kind to make him stay.
But she is still expecting his kits.
He expects to hate them. To look at Mistcloud's kits in envy.
When he looks at them, all he sees is her, glowing with new motherhood. Her eyes are bright, and she introduces them to him. He's more shocked than the father himself, it seems.
Because the four bundles at Mistcloud's stomach are perfect, and Lightningheart finds that he could never, never hate a kit.
He just hates himself for blaming them, even if only for a short while.
When Mistcloud says she loves him, she's shouting it. He's surprised, because she never shouts.
He supposes he is just as thick as Nettleclaw.
But he can't help but love her back, because he always has from the moment he looked at her and whispered, "Hey, I'm Lightningpaw."
He thinks of Aspenkit, Mousekit, Hawkkit, and Songkit as his own.
When he wakes up beside Mistcloud, her chin buried in his shoulder and a kit laying on top of him, he realizes this is what he always wanted.
He doesn't need leadership. He never wanted it.
Maybe his lack of ambition is why he could never be Mintstar's perfect son.
But he doesn't need his mother's validation anymore. He's not a kit (he's taller than Troutstream now, he checked.)
He just lays his head down on his mate's side and breathes a sigh of contentment.
He's damn well happy, and that's always going to be good enough for him.
