Kenny and Wendy sat at a booth in Tweek Bros. Coffee Shop, the girl listening to every word as Kenny explained his situation, "I can't believe this." she stated in awe.
Kenny nodded and sipped his drink, "I know right? I asked for a black coffee… This is just boiled water." he complained before turning to the barista, "Yo Tweek!"
"AH!" the jittery young man shouted, "WHAT'S WRONG?! DID SOMETHING BREAK?! OH GOD, YOU'RE NOT CHOKING ARE YOU?!"
"No dude, everything's fine" Kenny assured, "I just wanted to let you know you might've forgotten a step or two when you made my coffee." he informed as he handed over his drink.
Tweek looked inside the cup, "AH! OH GOD, I'M SO SORRY!" he apologized, "I KNEW I COULDN'T HANDLE THE SHOP ON MY OWN, THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"
"Dude, it's cool, shit happens." Kenny assured with a laugh.
"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR COFFEE! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE A BAD YELP REVIEW BEFORE I GET BACK!" the energetic teenager begged before running back to fix his mistake.
"Take your time." Kenny said before turning back to Wendy, "So yeah, I think that covers the basics, everything from the Cthulhu cult to my casual friendship with Satan."
"So wait, your parents worship Cthulhu?" the girl asked.
Kenny shook his head, "No, they just went to the meetings because they had free beer." he corrected before rubbing his neck in embarrassment "You uh… You said you went to my funeral, right? I guess you must have met them there."
"Kind of… They spent most of the time arguing so I didn't exactly have a chance to talk to them." Wendy explained.
Kenny rolled his eyes, "Figures."
"I did get to talk to Karen though." the girl said with a smile.
The boy smiled in return "She's great, right?"
Wendy nodded, "She actually comforted me when I started crying."
"How'd she hold up? I always worry about her when I'm in Hell. Like, I know she'll just forget anyway but still."
"She stayed strong the whole time I was there." she assured.
Kenny grinned, "That's my girl." the boy chuckled as he became fully aware of the situation he was in, "Holy shit, I have never been able to talk about any of this shit with anyone. I love it!"
At that moment, Tweek had walked over with Kenny's replacement drink, "AH! HERE YOU GO!" he said as he placed the cup on the table.
"Hey Tweek, you remember yesterday when I blew my brains out in front of the whole school?" Kenny asked.
"WHAT?! DO I?! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN! OR DID IT?! AH! STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD!" the other boy exclaimed as he ran off into the back room.
"See?"
Wendy shook her head, "I mean, this is Tweek we're talking about."
In this moment, the bell on the door rang to signal the arrival of a new customer, and lucky for Kenny, it was just the man to prove his point, "Craig! Over here dude!"
The other boy approached the table, "Hey Kenny, hey Wendy." he greeted.
"Tell me something Craig, if you saw something crazy happen you'd remember it, right?" Kenny asked.
"Crazy how?" he asked.
"Like yesterday, when I blew my brains out in the middle of the hall, you remember that, right?"
Craig stared at Kenny with a blank look, "You might be able to pull shit like that on Butters but I'm a little less naive." he stated in his signature monotone, "Besides, I would've gotten something like that on video." Craig pulled out his phone to prove his point, "And look at that, there's nothing- Wait a minute."
Kenny gave his friend a curious look, "What's up?"
"There is a new file in my phone but it's corrupted. Weird."
Craig didn't care enough to stress about the subject, as his boyfriend had just come out of the back room, "CRAIG!" the barista shouted, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
"What do you think? I wanted to see you." he stated, pulling the other boy into a kiss.
Kenny silently gestured Wendy toward the door and left the cash for their drinks on the table before leaving as Craig and Tweek continued making out in the middle of the shop. "So, what do you think?" the boy asked once they were outside.
"I think the same thing everyone else thinks." Wendy answered, "Those two are adorable together."
"No- I mean, yeah that's definitely true." Kenny admitted, "But I'm talking about the whole immortality thing. Do you seriously believe me?" he asked.
The girl thought about it for a second before coming to a decision, "Yeah, I think I do." she answered.
"Why?"
Wendy was surprised by his reaction, "I mean, I watched you die twice." she reminded.
"Yeah, that's the part I don't get. Why do you remember? Nobody else ever does, my family doesn't, none of my friends do, so what gives?"
"I don't know." the girl admitted, "Maybe because I'm the one who killed you?" she suggested.
Kenny shook his head, "Plenty of people have killed me and none of them ever remembered. Not to mention, this wasn't even the first time you did it." he pointed out.
"What?!"
"Yeah, the day you broke up with Stan, I was under his car when you smacked the hood and knocked the engine loose. Landed right on my head." he explained
Wendy was shocked by this new revelation, "I don't remember you being there at all."
Kenny smirked "Do you at least remember someone telling you how nice your shoes were?" he asked, the girl shook her head, "Then I'll say it again, they're really nice. You should wear 'em tomorrow when we all go out to celebrate." he suggested.
"Celebrate?" the girl asked.
"Yeah. You know, after you and the girls beat those Middle Park bitches into the dirt at the big game tonight!" he reminded.
"Wait, that's tonight?!" she asked, "I've had so much on my mind I completely forgot!"
"Well you'd better get your head in the game, Ms. Team Captain. I know I'm not getting all dressed up to watch you guys lose."
"You're coming to watch?"
"I'm the Honorary Cheerleader, remember? If anything, I'm coming to show off." he said with a wink as he walked away.
While Wendy was absolutely horrified by what that statement could mean, she felt as though she could trust Kenny enough not to worry. After all, they'd been through so much together at this point, she knew his greatest secret, she killed him (Twice, apparently.) and they'd even shared a ki- the girl gasped as she remembered, with everything that happened in the past week she'd forgotten all about one enormous detail.
Wendy put her hand to her lips as the memory shot to the front of her mind. She had to think for a second whether she was misremembering it or not. 'No, it definitely happened.' she confirmed to herself.
In his dying breath, Kenny McCormick had kissed her.
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Kenny looked into his bathroom mirror with a tube of lipstick pressed to his mouth, carefully applying the makeup to his face. Once he was done, the boy stepped back to admire himself, with a black cut-off T-shirt and an orange short-skirt, he was really looking the part of the team's cheerleader, "Fuck I'm hot." he complimented before noticing he was no longer alone.
Kenny turned to see his father standing out in the hall, watching through the opened door with an expression that wasn't quite horrified and wasn't quite disappointed, but was definitely uncertain of how to deal with what he'd just walked in on, "Holy shit, the guys at the bar were right." the older man finally said before chugging the beer in his hand.
"About what? The fact that your underage son would be sexy as fuck if he were a girl?" Kenny asked with a smirk, "Gonna be honest dad, that's kinda fucked up."
The boy's father shook his head before speaking again, "This is for one of your weird stunts right? You're not actually- Not that I'd have a problem with it, you'll always be my son… Or daughter… Or-"
"I'm not trans, dad." Kenny affirmed with an amused grin.
"What about-"
"Not gay either."
The man paused before opening his mouth again, "Bisexual?"
Kenny thought about that one for a second, "I mean, I've never really tried it out or anything… Let's just say I'm definitely a guy who's definitely into girls. In fact, the girl's volleyball game is where I'm going tonight, I'm kinda like their cheerleader." the boy explained.
His father nodded in understanding, "Uh huh… Ya know, when I was in high school, I picked up cheerleaders by joining the football team." the man explained.
"Exactly, so you get it!"
"No, I mean-"
Kenny started tearing up "I don't care what you say dad, this is who I am, I'm gonna go out there and cheer my heart out, and we're gonna win that championship and save the community center! All those crack addicted orphan break dancers are counting on us and I'm not gonna let them down just because you can't accept me!" he shouted over dramatically.
"Are you high right now?!" the older man asked, backing away slightly.
Kenny started laughing, "Smoked half a joint before I got changed!" he admitted, "I'm gonna finish the rest when I get there." the boy stated before capping the tube of lipstick and sticking it into his shirt pocket next to the weed.
"Well, have fun… I guess." the older man said as he walked away.
Kenny went to his room, giggling to himself as he grabbed his boombox from beside his bed, he'd spent all day putting together the perfect mix-tape for the occasion. Granted, he probably could've compiled all the songs in five minutes on his phone, but where's the fun in that? "I knew it." he heard the voice of a younger girl say from behind him.
"Joke all you want Karen, you know you're jealous." Kenny stated.
"Why should I be? You're wearing my makeup." the girl pointed out.
"And I wear it flawlessly." he said, "I'm also borrowing it for the night, is that cool with you?"
"Anything for my big sister." Karen said with a smirk, "So what, do I call you Kendra now?"
Kenny shook his head, "No, when I'm in drag you'll refer to me as Kenni with an I."
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"You are unbelievable." Wendy stated.
"Seriously." Bebe agreed.
"Ladies please, I know how great I was, but come on, we know you're the real MVPs tonight." Kenny complimented as he walked the girls home.
"We lost, dumbass." Bebe reminded with an amused grin.
"By one fucking point because that ref was a total bitch! That last ball was out!" he exclaimed, "In a just world, the game would've gone into overtime and you would've won!"
"I know it was a bullshit call but did you really have to call her a 'stupid blind C-word'?" Wendy asked.
"Did I say that?" Kenny asked, the girls nodded, "Huh… I could've swore I said the actual word." the boy shook his head, "Doesn't really matter, as far as I'm concerned, you guys were the real winners." he said before placing his boombox down on the sidewalk and pressing the play button, "LET'S GO!" he shouted as he started dancing to the song Jerk It Out by Caesers Palace.
The girls couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably as they watched the drag queen mosh himself around like he was having some kind of horrible seizure, the three were having so much fun that they hadn't noticed that someone had come out of the house they were loitering in front of, "Kenny, what the fuck?"
The group had turned to find they were joined by another teenager, "Hey Stan." Kenny said with a grin, "What's up?"
"What's up?" the other boy repeated, "What are you doing here? And why are you wearing a skirt?" he asked before turning to the other two members of the group, backing off substantially when he saw his ex-girlfriend, "And hanging out with Bebe and Wendy? What the hell's going on?"
Kenny turned off his stereo and walked over to the two girls, wrapping his arms around both of them, "What's wrong dude? You act like you've never seen three beautiful women dancing on your front yard in the middle of the night before." he said, eliciting a laugh from his two companions.
"I… Uh…" Stan wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that, "I guess I'll see you later?"
"Maybe." the boy answered with a grin, "See ya around dude!". Stan shook his head in confusion as he walked back into his house. Once he was gone Kenny looked between the girls "O.M.G. he totally just said he wants to see me tomorrow, I think he likes me!" Kenny said in a fake valley girl accent, making the two laugh once again.
"You are such a fucking tool!" Bebe teased.
Kenny laughed in return as he picked up his boombox, "Yeah, kinda." he admitted, "Now come on, let's get you two home so I can get a head start on carrying this forty pound antique two neighborhoods over to my house."
The three continued their trek home, Bebe's house was first. The three said their goodbyes leaving Kenny and Wendy to continue their journey alone, "Kenny, we need to talk." the girl stated bluntly.
"Of course we do, how else would we communicate?" the smartass replied with his cheekiest grin.
"You kissed me." Wendy reminded, not really wanting to joke around with this subject.
Kenny's eyes widened in surprise as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, "Oh shit."
"Why?" she asked simply.
Kenny gulped at the question and let out an awkward laugh, "Well uh… See, the thing is I kinda figured you wouldn't remember." he admitted, "Ya know, because nobody ever remembers my… Like, I thought I could get away with it, but then… Well, you know… For some reason-"
"You thought I wouldn't remember, so you kissed me. Why? Did you just want some cheap thrill before you died?"
"No, that's not-"
"Would you have done the same thing if someone else came up to you, like Bebe or Red?"
"No, I-"
"So why me specifically? Do you like me or something?"
"That's… A really tough question for me to answer." the boy expressed.
"Just be honest with me, please?"
"You're…" Kenny began, trying to find the right words, "You're Stan's ex."
"What?" the girl questioned before understanding what the boy was saying, "Oh…"
The boy nodded, "Yeah. You're smart, you get the idea, you're kinda off limits for me."
"Kenny, you know Stan doesn't own me, right?" Wendy questioned.
"It's not about that, or you, or even Stan, I couldn't betray any of my friends like that. Like, even Cartman, and I hate that fat fuck. But let's pretend he was anything close to something resembling a likable human being, and in that crazy bizarro dimension he also managed to have a boyfriend-"
"Boyfriend?"
Kenny muttered a curse under his breath and looked around to be sure they were alone, "That little slip stays between us, okay?" Wendy nodded in understanding while also noting that she would certainly not be forgetting what she'd heard, "But you get what I'm saying, right?
"I think so, so you're saying you like me but you can't admit it because that would go against some stupid rule?" she questioned.
"Yeah, that's right." the boy answered, his eyes widening in realization after he did, "No wait, shit. I mean-"
"So how long has this been going on? What, did you suddenly find yourself falling in love while you were creeping on me and my friends at practice?" she questioned.
"You kn-"
"OF COURSE WE FREAKING KNEW! What, did you seriously think we wouldn't notice that the school's biggest pervert had suddenly gained a newfound interest in girls volleyball?!"
Kenny thought about it for a second, "In my defense, I actually did end up liking the game a lot more than I thought I would." he explained, "But no, that's not when I started liking you."
"So when was it exactly?" the girl asked.
'Ya know what, fuck it. She already knows the big two secrets, might as well tell her everything.' the boy mentally decided, "Preschool." he finally answered.
Wendy shook her head, that definitely wasn't the answer she was expecting, "You're… You're serious?" Kenny nodded in affirmation, "Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"I did! The first thing I ever said to you was a pickup line but you didn't hear it." the boy admitted.
"Because you had your hood up…" she realized.
"Yeah, the whole 'cover your face so you don't get nervous' thing doesn't really work when you've got an inch of cloth covering your mouth." he lamented, "By the time anyone could figure out what the fuck I was saying, I was already friends with Stan, and since he liked you I never tried again. Hell, I freaking avoided you for over ten years because I was so afraid of fucking everything up."
Wendy thought about it. Sure, they never really talked over the years, but was that seriously because he was avoiding her?
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Wendy thought back to when they were around eight or nine years old, she passed the boy on the sidewalk and said a polite "Hi Kenny."
In return, he let out a muffled scream from behind his hood and jumped a nearby fence to get away from her. Funny enough, she remembered the sound of growling, barking, and screaming from behind the fence when he was out of sight, 'He probably died that day too.'
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Another memory she had from around the same time was of herself walking past him in the hallway, same basic idea, she said a polite "Hi Kenny." and he jumped into a nearby trash can that was then taken away by the janitor.
She recalled the janitor tripping over something and knocking the can down three flights of stairs. 'Holy shit, how many times did I accidentally kill Kenny?' she wondered.
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Finally, she recalled one last memory of walking into class, she was early and the only ones in the room were her, Kenny, and Mr. Garrison. "Hi Mr. Garrison, Hi Kenny." she greeted, Kenny looked at her before throwing himself through a closed window, breaking the glass and falling out of the building, likely to another of his many deaths.
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"Holy shit, you really have been avoiding me." the girl stated in realization.
"Yeah, can ya blame me? First time I actually talked to you in years and I came right out and kissed you." he stated, 'This whole time I've been afraid of accidentally seducing her. Bullshit, I'm just a horn-dog with no self control.' the boy concluded to himself.
"So, you went through all that trouble because you were afraid of hurting your friend?" she asked, Kenny nodded, "That's really sweet of you Kenny." the girl admitted.
"Yeah, I'm a freaking saint. The kind that frenches his buddy's ex just one day after they break up." he said sarcastically, 'Yeah, it was stupid but come the fuck on! I never ask for anything, then the one time, the one time I do something selfish, I end up having a heart to heart on the side of the road, freezing my balls off in this dumbass skirt! TEN FUCKING YEARS I KEPT THIS SHIT UP, AND FOR WHAT?! It doesn't matter now, everything literally everything is out in the open now!' he mentally berated. The boy sighed, he could worry about himself later, right now he realized there was something more important he had to do, "I'm really sorry I took advantage of you like that by the way, it was stupid and impulsive and I shouldn't have done it. I just figured it was like my one chance, ya know?"
Wendy nodded in understanding, "You know I'd usually smack a guy for doing something like that, right?" she asked.
Kenny held his arms behind his back and leaned in, "Go ahead, I deserve it." he invited, closing his eyes and bracing for impact. But the impact never came. Well, not in the form of a smack anyway, but what did come next hit him harder than any truck that had run him over in the past.
"Go on a date with me." Wendy requested.
"Do a what now?" the boy asked in confusion.
"Nothing serious, I'm not gonna let you cop a feel or anything. You know, unless you're that serious about wanting to get smacked." she warned, "Just come hang out with me tomorrow."
Did Kenny die and go to heaven? Well yeah, but not recently. Clearly he was dreaming because there's no fucking way this was real! Of course, there was still one tiny detail keeping him grounded in reality, "Look, I want to, I really do. But I can't do that to Stan." he reaffirmed, 'Now please don't ask again because I definitely can't say no twice.' he mentally begged.
"Stan doesn't have sole ownership over me just because we dated, if he can't accept that then he just needs to grow up and move on. I'm my own person and I can do whatever I want, and what I want is to go out on a date with you." the girl stated.
There were a few voices screaming within Kenny's mind in that moment, he heard Kevin saying 'Come on dude, get your woman!', Satan saying 'This is your second chance, don't puss out.', and his own muffled voice saying 'Don't do it, this is gonna blow up in your face!' however, he didn't hear that last one too well as it was overshadowed by a far louder and clearer version of his voice saying 'DO IT YOU FUCKING MORON! SCREW YOUR DUMBASS MORAL CODE, IT ONLY EVER GETS YOU KILLED ANYWAY!' which wasn't necessarily wrong… "Fuck it, let's do it. I'll pick you up tomorrow at twelve. And you'd better be ready because I'm gonna romance the absolute shit out of you, I'm gonna make you feel as close to a princess as I can with my last twenty bucks, that work for you?"
Wendy nodded, "Sounds good to me." she said with a smile before walking up her driveway "See you around Kenny."
The boy watched as she disappeared through her front door. He was torn, on one hand he'd just abandoned his principles and went behind one of his best friend's back, on the other hand he just landed a date with his dream girl. "I guess I'm just gonna be the douche that goes out with his friend's ex." he said to himself, and miraculously, once he accepted that fact, he couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face as he picked up his boombox from the ground and turned it on, blasting out the song Round and Round by Ratt and belting out the lyrics as he walked down the street.
He didn't even care how many people leaned out their windows screaming at him to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
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After waking up at around eleven in the morning, Wendy stepped into the shower to begin preparation for her date. Of the fifteen minutes she spent in there, only five of them were used to actually clean herself. The remaining ten mainly consisted of her thinking about the night before and the day ahead of her.
'Why did I ask him out?' she wondered. Was it pity? Did his story about a lifelong attraction that he could never pursue move her in some tragic Shakespearean way? Or was it the idea of Stan inadvertently dictating what she could do and who she could date that led her to act out of some kind of impulsive rebellion?
'Maybe this was a bad idea.' she thought to herself as she got out of the shower, 'Kenny's like the nicest guy ever, I'd hate to lead him on.'
Once she was dressed, Wendy picked up her phone to check the time, she turned it on to find she'd gotten a text from the man himself, "I'll be there in a few minutes." it read.
The time was 10:56, "At least he's punctual." she said to herself before pocketing her phone. 'Screw it, it's too late to back out now. I might as well just try to have a good time.' she decided.
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Kenny dragged a cigarette as he drove his dad's truck to Wendy's house, "Weed or tobacco, which scent would she be more offended by?" was the question of the morning before the boy left his house. In the end, he decided on the lesser (Greater? Whatever.) of the two evils to calm his nerves.
At the last stop sign before his destination he put out the cigarette in his truck's ash tray and waved the remaining smoke out the window, an action that he would come to regret when he heard the siren behind him, "Oh what the fuck? Seriously?!" he cursed as he watched a pudgy cop make his way up to his window, "What seems to be the problem Officer Barbrady?" he asked with a fake smile.
The policeman twirled his baton around in a failed attempt to look intimidating, "Couldn't help but notice there was an awful lot of smoke coming out of your vehicle. And I'm not talking about exhaust." he clarified, "You wouldn't happen to be on that Mary-jane now, would you?" he asked.
"W- What?"
"Ya know, the green stuff? Weed, pot, buds, reefer, ring any bells? Or has the dope already rotted your mind?"
"Dude, you know weed's legal in this state, right?" Kenny asked.
"Ha! Nice try kid, but you're gonna have to come up with something better than that to fool ol' Officer Barbrady!"
"Seriously! Weed's been legal in Colorado since 2014." the boy explained, "There's even a pot shop right up the road where the KFC used to be!"
"Ratting out your dealer won't get you out of this one, doper."
Kenny sighed in frustration, "Look, even if it wasn't legal, which it totally is, I'm not even on it! I was smoking a regular cigarette." he explained.
"Oh is that so?" the cop asked, "Well then, I guess you wouldn't mind taking a breathalyzer test then!" he stated.
The boy thought about his current situation for a moment before deciding he'd probably get out of this quicker if he just played along, "Alright gimme the tube, I'll blow into it."
The test took five minutes, two of which consisted of Kenny showing Officer Barbrady how to actually use the machine, "Well I'm sorry for hassling you kid. Looks like you passed after all."
'Of course I did, a breathalyzer's for booze not weed. I could've smoked a bag of meth and still passed.' Kenny thought to himself, but he wasn't gonna tell the officer that, "Yeah thanks a lot, now I'm gonna be late for my date."
"Aww, that's so sweet!" the man obliviously replied, "Who's the lucky lady?"
"Your mom." Kenny answered before driving away.
Once alone, Officer Barbrady walked back to his car, completely distraught over what he now had to do. He picked up his radio's receiver, "This is Officer Barbrady requesting backup, I just received an anonymous tip of an elderly woman engaged in a relationship with a sixteen-year-old boy." he relayed before bursting into tears.
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Wendy couldn't help but feel worried when Kenny was running late. Of course the thought crossed her mind that he might have died on his way to her house, was it a little sadistic that she didn't consider that the worst case scenario? Probably, but considering her experience with Stan always being late or completely missing dates, she had reason to be worried.
Luckily, Kenny was only a few minutes off schedule and when he did show up she almost couldn't get him to stop apologizing, "Seriously, it's okay." the girl said with a laugh, "It's not your fault the cops in this town are idiots."
"Right? Like, I'm pretty sure they're getting stupider by the day!"
"Exactly, if it wasn't for Mysterion this town would be doomed." Wendy said with a sigh, "I can't imagine how Kyle deals with all that on his own."
Kenny looked at his passenger, "Kyle?" he questioned.
The girl looked back, "Yeah, Kyle. He's Mysterion, right?"
"I mean… Yeah, but don't just go saying that. You can't just go outing a guy's secret identity like that, it's not cool dude." the boy explained, returning his eyes to the road, 'Good to know I've still got one secret she doesn't know about.' he thought to himself.
"Whatever you say, Mosquito." she teased.
"What are you talking about, I wasn't Mosquito." Kenny admitted.
Wendy shot him a confused look, "Then which one were you?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the boy asked, Wendy shook her head, "Super-Craig." he answered with a grin.
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While many might not consider a mall food court to be the nicest location for a first date, and many might consider some of the food there to be inedible, the convenience of the venue was reason enough to hang out there while the pair waited for the next movie to start.
"You did what?!" Wendy asked, unsure if she heard Kenny's last statement correctly.
"I sang opera for a while back when I was a kid." he confirmed, "I got real good at it too, even spent some time singing in Eastern Europe."
"That's amazing!" the girl complimented, "But why didn't you keep it up?"
Kenny shrugged, "I died. I woke up back in America and moved on. It was pretty sweet while it lasted though."
"Did you have to learn a new language while you were over there."
The boy nodded, "I'm fluent in Romanian."
"Really? Say something for me." Wendy requested.
"As muri fericit de o mie de ori pentru privilegiul de a ejacula in tine." he said without missing a beat.
"That sounds so beautiful. What does it mean?" the girl asked.
Kenny paused for a moment before answering, "It means I'm gonna go grab a refill." he lied as he grabbed his empty cup and took it back to the Taco Bell he got it from, "Hey, can I get another Dr. Pepper?" he requested, still giving his undivided attention to his date in the distance as she ate her salad.
The boy couldn't take his eyes off her, it would've taken an absolute miracle to catch his attention… A miracle that he was sure he heard right behind him, "Hello there, children!" he heard from within the taco shop, it was a voice he hadn't heard in years, one that he was sure he would never hear again.
Kenny spun around to face the person who addressed him, and while it certainly wasn't some scrawny white guy, it also wasn't the large black man he was hoping to see, "Not cool Satan."
The Prince of Darkness chuckled, "Sorry, I couldn't resist. So, how do you like the new look?" he asked, gesturing to his chef hat and apron that said "Cookin' With Hellfire!"
"It suits you, I always knew the food here had to be the Devil's work." the boy joked, "By the way, speaking of… Him."
Satan shrugged "Sorry, no luck yet. I even checked with God and he can't find him in Heaven either." he affirmed, "Now, you're sure he's actually dead, right?"
"Nobody could've survived the fall he took, trust me, I've died from at least half that height." Kenny assured.
"I'll keep searching for you, but souls don't just disappear like that, especially not for this long." the Prince of Darkness explained.
"I know, that's what bugs me about it." the boy lamented.
"Getting off that subject, I see you took my advice." Satan said, gesturing to the girl in the distance, "You asked her out?"
"Sorta, kinda, the other way around. But I did say yes!"
"Kenny, that's great! I'm so happy for you!" the Prince of Darkness gushed, "Are you still worried about what Stan will think?" he asked.
"Terrified." the boy answered simply, "But screw it, whatever happens happens, I'll deal with it when I get to it. Until then I'm just gonna enjoy the ride."
Satan nodded, "That's what I like to hear." he said with a smile.
After the Prince of Darkness refilled his soda, Kenny returned to his table to continue his date, "Sorry I took so long." he apologized.
"Long line?"
"Nah, nothing like that. A really good friend of mine was working the register and we started talking a little."
"Oh? Anyone I know?" Wendy asked.
"You will. Everyone does eventually." Kenny assured.
"That's… A little ominous and creepy."
"Shit, sorry I thought it would sound cool." the boy apologized, "It's just Satan."
"Satan works at a Taco Bell?"
"I know, right? You'd think with all his experience he could at least land a gig at Pizza Hut." the boy concurred, "Anyway, the movie's about to start. I've only got enough for the tickets, but don't worry, I came prepared." he stated before opening his parka to reveal half a bag of off-brand pixie sticks and a can of re-fried beans.
"Beans?" Wendy questioned with a laugh.
"Didn't I tell you I'd treat you like a princess?" he replied with a wide grin.
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Kenny had to hand it to himself, it was Monday afternoon and he'd been able to effectively avoid Stan since Friday night. Even now, instead of having lunch with his friends, he was slumped against a wall out behind the school, smoking cigarettes and hanging out with the goth kids, "Hey, conformist." he heard the tall one with the curly hair say.
'What the fuck was his name again?' Kenny wondered to himself, "What's up?" he asked.
"You seem kind of bummed out today." the other teenager pointed out.
Kenny gave the other boy a blank look, "You guys seem kind of bummed out every day."
"Yeah, but that's our thing." the sole female member of the group pointed out, "You usually only come out here for five minutes a day to smoke a cigarette."
'Her name's Henrietta, I'm like 89% sure of it.' the boy thought to himself, "Yeah, well today was feeling more like a three or four cigarette day." he said, "What's it matter? We're all gonna die anyway."
"True." the goths all said in unison.
"So what's brought you over to the dark side?" the youngest one asked.
'That one's definitely named Firkle. No way I could forget a name like Firkle.' Kenny affirmed to himself, "Well before I get my eyeliner on and tear up my skinny jeans, just keep in mind that my life's the best it's ever been at the moment. I'm only bummed out because I know it's gonna go to shit really soon."
"Dude, pre-emptive nihilism is so freaking goth." the one with a red streak in his hair complimented.
"Thanks, I guess." he said before dragging his cigarette. Kenny supposed he should probably learn these guys' names. After all, he was probably gonna have to find some new friends once he told Stan he was dating Wendy. 'I wonder if I'd look good in black.'
A/N: Kenny would probably look good in black, in case you were wondering.
