"Look, if you want to make out then we could just do that." Wendy expressed as she spun the bottle, watching as it stopped to point at her boyfriend before she leaned in to kiss him.

"Come on, what's wrong with a little danger?" Kenny asked before spinning the bottle himself.

"I'm pretty sure Spin the Bottle loses any bit of 'danger' it might have when there's only two people playing." the girl pointed out as the bottle landed on Kenny.

"Yeah, I guess we do both kind of win either way." he admitted before picking up a mirror and kissing it, "Damn I look good."

Wendy sighed as she laid back on Kenny's floor, "I think it's safe to say we're officially bored." she lamented. Turning her head slightly, the girl got a good look under her boyfriend's bed, "Why do you have a stack of romance novels under your bed?" she questioned.

"Where else am I gonna keep them, the closet?" the boy countered, "I can barely fit all my porn in there as it is."

Wendy pulled out the books and began reading off the titles, "Betrayal, Dating My Best Friend's Girl, The Temptress in Purple… I'm sensing a pattern here." she pointed out before looking at the next book "1001 Dirty Haikus by Kenny McCormick? You published a book?!"

"Two books of dirty poetry and that trashy novel I wrote with the guys that one time. So three, actually."

The girl opened the book to the first page and began to read.

"When you rub your dick

It can cause a discharge that

Ends up on the floor"

She recited, "And you wrote a thousand of these?"

"A thousand and one. The first on page 69's my personal favorite."

Wendy skipped ahead and started reciting once again.

"My dick is a broom

And you're a cute little witch…

Let me cum on you."

She blankly finished, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"At the moment or in general?" Kenny asked before the two were interrupted by a loud CRASH from outside.

"What was that?!" Wendy questioned.

"Probably some homeless dude going through trash cans." he stated. They sat in silence before they heard a soft pouting.

"Do they usually start crying?" the girl asked.

"At our can? Sometimes." he answered as he got up from the floor, "Not like that though. I'm gonna go see what's up."

"No you're not!" Wendy asserted, "What if it's someone dangerous?"

"Then I've got a gun and unlimited extra lives. I think I'm good." the boy reminded.

"Well you're not going alone." she stated as she stood to her feet as well.

"Hell fucking no! You are not gonna help me confront a potential serial murder crack rapist!"

"Then neither are you!" the girl reaffirmed, "Look, I have a full can of mace, a brand new taser, and four years of mixed martial arts training, I'm not helpless."

"I know… I just don't want anything to happen to you." Kenny expressed, "Okay, we'll go together, but you stay behind me, and if shit goes down you run like hell. Okay?"

Wendy rolled her eyes, "If it will make you feel better, fine." she agreed.

The pair made their way outside to where they heard the noise, Wendy getting awfully liberal with what constituted being behind her boyfriend, if anything they were standing side-by-side with Kenny slightly ahead. Once they arrived at the fallen trash can, Kenny kept his hand in his pocket, holding his revolver with a cautious grip, "Is that you Tiny Tyler?" he questioned whatever was rattling around in the steel can.

Suddenly, the trespasser began to back out of the trash and into the dim light, revealing itself to not be Tiny Tyler the local three-foot bum, but instead a tiny golden retriever with half a Hot Pocket in its mouth, "Aww, it's just a puppy!" Wendy gushed.

"And he's got a Hot Pocket! Who the fuck threw out a perfectly good Hot Pocket!?" Kenny asked, pretty fuckin' sure it was Kevin the last time he stayed over 'He gets a big fancy job slinging meth and all of a sudden he thinks food just grows on trees!'

Meanwhile, Wendy was down on her knees, patting the ground in front of her to get the dog's attention, "Come here little guy, I won't hurt you." she promised. The puppy scarfed down the Hot Pocket and hesitantly walked over to her, sniffing her hand before allowing her to pet him, "Aw, aren't you just the cutest thing."

"Hey, I thought I was the cutest thing." her boyfriend protested.

"You still are." she assured, "But he's tied for first."

The boy considered it, "Alright, I'll take tied for first." he accepted before joining his girlfriend on the ground, "Hey little dude." he greeted the dog, "What are you doing in my trash?"

"He doesn't have a collar." Wendy pointed out, "He's probably a stray looking for food."

"You hungry buddy?" Kenny asked. The dog responded with what he interpreted as an affirmative yip and the boy climbed back to his feet, "My parents would be pissed if I brought a dog home… But it is Saturday night, so the earliest they'll be back is 2AM… Karen's sleeping over at Tricia's tonight so we won't have to worry about her…" the boy looked at the shivering dog once more, his heart melting at the sight of it, "Screw it, he's coming inside." he relented.

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Wendy sat with the puppy on Kenny's bedroom floor, watching in amusement as it chewed on one of her boyfriend's sneakers. The boy himself was slightly less amused at the sight when he walked in, "Aw man, come on dude, I've only got one pair of shoes!" he lamented as he put down the bowl of food he was holding.

The girl watched as the dog rushed over and started eating, "So… Do you have a dog already?" she questioned.

Kenny shook his head and sat down next to his girlfriend, "Nah, my parents always said a dog was too expensive." he explained.

"Then… Why do you already have dog food on hand?" she questioned further.

"Remember that beef stew we had last week?"

Wendy's eyes widened in shock, "That was dog food?!"

The boy nodded, "Yep, you dodged one hell of a bullet when you told my mom you're a vegetarian. Those two slices of white bread aren't looking so bad now, are they?"

The girl wrapped herself around her boyfriend in sympathy, "I am so sorry you have to live like this." she expressed.

"Hey, I live just fine most of the time. I'm more worried about what we're gonna do with this dog." Kenny expressed as the animal licked his bowl clean and jumped in the boy's lap, "Could he stay at your place?" he asked.

Wendy shook her head, "My parents are really strict about animals, they'd freak out. Then I'd have to tell them that I found him digging through your trash, then they'd ask what I was doing at your house and I'd have to explain that we're dating which would be a whole other lecture-"

"Wait, hold up. Your parents don't know we're dating?" Kenny asked.

The girl tensed up as she realized what she'd just admitted "No… Not yet."

"Dude, we've been together a month, when were you planning to tell them?" her boyfriend questioned.

Wendy laughed awkwardly and rubbed her neck, "Oh… You know… Soon." she assured before mumbling something else.

"I'm sorry, what?"

The girl sighed before speaking up, "I said, probably after I tell them I broke up with Stan."

Kenny looked at her with a blank stare, "Let's worry about that little development later." he stated before turning his attention back to the dog, "Alright Whiskey, what are we gonna do with you?"

"Whiskey?"

"Yeah, I thought it fit with how much he looks like my dad." the boy explained.

Wendy examined the dog's face, trying to imagine him with a trucker cap and a cigarette in his mouth, "Oh my god, he does!"

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Kenny sat in his algebra class waiting for the teacher to show up, most of the other students talking among each other to pass the time, a luxury that he no longer had due to the fact that the only ones he used to talk to were Stan and Cartman, and while Stan hadn't shot him a dirty look in the past week, they were still far from being on speaking terms and would likely remain that way indefinitely.

The boy felt a shifting in his coat pocket and reached in to pet his concealed passenger. 'Come on Whiskey, just chill out for a while.' he mentally begged. Yes, Kenny had brought his new pet to school with him, he couldn't leave him at home after all, and he had nowhere else to keep him, so his coat pocket would have to work for now.

Finally, the algebra teacher Mr. Jones, had entered the room, "Alright, everybody shut up. I have your tests back and I've gotta say, you're all even more stupid than I gave you credit for." he announced as he began handing back papers.

"What?! ZERO?! Hey, I got this one right!" Cartman shouted.

"No, you used the completely wrong formula, crossed it out, said 'fuck this shit, math is for Jews' and then copied off of Stan's paper."

"Weak." the boy stated in protest.

"Don't worry Eric, I'm sure there's at least one fast food place that will trust you around a cash register." Mr. Jones teased before handing back the next paper, "Now Kenny I've gotta say, I'm pretty disappointed in your score."

Kenny looked at his paper, only to laugh when he saw his grade, "I'm not. Sixty-nine, bitches!"

The teacher sighed, "I was really hoping your new girlfriend would start to rub off on you."

"Hey, you and me both teach, but she said she wants to take it slow." the boy joked, making half the class burst out in laughter.

"DUDE! Nobody wants to hear that!" Stan protested. Suddenly, Whiskey let out a soft whining noise from Kenny's pocket, "Oh, so just because I don't want to hear your dumb sex jokes I'm being whiny?"

"What? No dude." Kenny defended as he silenced his dog.

"Come on Stan, give him a break." Cartman said, "I mean, clearly he just wants to talk about how your hippie ex-girlfriend is in bed. So how's she like it Ken? Slow and gentle or fast and hard."

"RUFF" Whiskey barked.

"OH SHIT! Kenny, you dog!" Cartman cheered as most of the class joined in.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Stan erupted.

"All three of you shut the fuck up!" Mr. Jones intervened, "Stan, stop whining about your failed relationship. Kenny, stop showing off. And Eric… Just stop talking in general! I swear, it's I'm like dealing with a group of pre-schoolers… What's that smell?"

Kenny cleared his throat, "It uh… Appears I have shit myself sir… May I please be excused." he requested.

The teacher sat down and planted his face right into his desk, "Each and every one of you disgusting mongrels are going to be mentioned by name in my suicide note." he informed, "Kenny, get the fuck out of my classroom."

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"Dogs are such a conformist pet." Pete stated as he watched Whiskey chase a squirrel around the school's back lot.

Kenny shivered as the cold December air touched his exposed skin, his coat in his hands as he cleaned the dog shit out of his pocket with some supplies he borrowed from the janitor's closet, "Yeah? What kind of non-conformist pet should I have then? A bat? A snake? A dude in a gimp suit?"

"Snakes are pretty goth." Michael stated.

The boy finished cleaning his parka and immediately pulled his hood up and pulled the strings to combat the cold. Suddenly, the door to the school opened as a pissed off and confused Wendy Testaburger walked out, "You wanna fill me in on why Eric just told me you said I'm into rough sex and eating shit?!" she questioned.

Kenny recapped the events of his algebra class to his girlfriend, only for it to be muffled by his hood.

"You know I can't understand you through that thing. Did you just say you're going to lick his ass later?!"

The boy rolled his eyes and pulled his hood down, "Kick. I'm gonna kick his ass later." he restated before Whiskey approached the two with a dead squirrel in his mouth.

"Whiskey no! Bad dog, spit that out!" Wendy scolded.

"No no, good dog, good!" Kenny praised as he pet the dog.

"What the hell Kenny?! He just murdered a squirrel!"

"Exactly! It's all a part of this amazing idea I had!" the boy stated, "See, my dad says we can't have a dog because we can't afford to feed it, right? So what if I trained Whiskey to not only feed himself but also help feed the whole family?!"

"Gross." the goth kids all said in unison.

Wendy rubbed her temples to fight off the impending headache that her boyfriend's idea was giving her, "So you're going to convince your parents to let you keep Whiskey because he can provide you with drool-soaked squirrel meat?" she questioned.

Kenny thought about it for a moment "Yeah, pretty much." he affirmed, "You got a better idea?"

The girl gave a frustrated sigh, "Look, I've been thinking about it all day and… I just don't think us having a dog is a good idea." she admitted.

"What? Why not?"

"Well, neither of our families are alright with pets, we can't even afford dog food so vet bills are completely out of the question. I think the best thing we can do is put up some Found Dog signs around town." she explained.

"What? You seriously wanna give away this adorable little bastard?" Kenny asked as he held up the puppy, quickly pulling the dead squirrel out of his mouth when he realized it was still there.

"Of course I don't, but what if he already has an owner? We may have abducted some poor kid's pet without even realizing it." Wendy pointed out.

"Fuck that poor kid, he's not poorer than me, that's for damn sure!" the boy stated.

"Come on Kenny, don't be that way… Look, we'll put up a few signs around town, if nobody claims him by the end of the week then we'll figure something else out, okay?"

Kenny thought about it for a moment before letting out a frustrated sigh, "You're right, we should at least find out if he's actually a stray before I teach him to kill more animals."

'One problem at a time.' Wendy thought to herself, "Good, we'll get started right after school."

"Yeah, great." her boyfriend grumbled before handing her the dog, "And you can have custody until then." he stated before kissing her on the cheek and walking back into the school.

"Wait, how am I supposed to hide him?!" the girl questioned.

"You're smart, figure it out!" Kenny answered.

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"N-now Kenny, I know I said I'd help ya and all, but I just don't think this is a good idea." Butters expressed.

"What's wrong with it?" Kenny asked as he climbed the telephone pole, "Wendy said I had to put up a few signs around town, she didn't say they had to be where people could see them!" he pointed out.

"W-well, I think they did this on an episode of The Simpsons-."

The other boy rolled his eyes, "Dude, why does everything have to come back to The Simpsons with you? 'The Simpsons did this, The Simpsons did that' The Simpsons have been on the air for most of human history at this point, they've done literally everything! No shit they've done this!"

"Th-That's not my point, I-I'm just sayin' it didn't work out on there either." Butters explained.

"Well this isn't The Simpsons, Butters. This is real life, where not everything exists as a setup for a joke." Kenny stated as he stapled the paper onto the pole.

Two people walked by and noticed the boy on the pole, "Hey, what's that kid doing?" one of them asked.

"Looks like he's stapling a flyer to the top of the phone pole." the other answered.

"Wow, what a fucking idiot." the first one stated as they both walked away.

Kenny looked down to address Butters, "See dude? No cartoony bullshit, just normal people with normal reactions." he stated with a grin. The boy's gloating was cut short however when he heard the sound of a truck horn.

A big rig flew down the street at about 88 miles an hour, crashing into the phone pole and knocking it to the ground with Kenny still on it. The teenager landed in a puddle, looking on in fear as the power line fell down into the water with him, running a fucking shitload of electricity through his body. And if all that weren't enough, he soon found out the hard way that the puddle he laid in was not made of water, but instead gasoline which was instantly ignited by the electricity.

The flames went out and Kenny laid in the street, charred to a crisp, "J-Jesus Christ!" Butters exclaimed, "K-Kenny, are you alright?" he asked.

The boy gasped as he sat up, feeling his body to find he had miraculously survived, "Holy shit… HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I LIVED!" he exclaimed, "I ACTUALLY FUCKING LIVED FOR ONCE! I KNEW MY LUCK WAS CHANGING! LOOKS LIKE LIFE'S FINALLY GONNA STOP SUCKING FOR KENNY MCCORMICK!"

His celebration was cut short though, as an intimidating redneck biker dude walked up to the fallen phone pole and pulled off the Found Dog sign. Examining it, he approached the boy in the street, "You found my dog?" he asked in a deep gravelly voice.

Kenny's smile soon fell from his face at the question, "I… Might have." he answered.

"Well, looks like my dog, says you found him 'round where I lost my dog, so I'm thinkin' it's a pretty logical assumption to say you found my dog." the man explained.

"That… Makes sense to me." the teenager admitted.

"So where's my dog?"

"My uh… My girlfriend has him right now, if you wanna give me your address we can come drop him off later."

The man nodded, "Alright." he agreed as he pulled out a notepad and wrote down his name, number, and address, "Bring it over to my place tomorrow. I'll have a little somethin' for your troubles waitin' when ya do."

Kenny took the piece of paper he was given and the man walked off. "Well, this sucks." he lamented as he laid back into the street, only to be run over by a van and killed a moment later.

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"Do I need to be with you 24/7 just to make sure you don't get yourself killed?" Wendy scolded as she and her boyfriend walked Whiskey to his owner's house.

"Is that an offer?" Kenny asked with a grin.

The girl rolled her eyes, "So what was it this time?" she asked.

"Broken heart, I found out I was losing one of the three things I loved and I just couldn't go on." he answered.

"You are so dramatic." she said as they approached the house, "What are the other two?"

"You and Karen." he answered, ringing the doorbell.

"Aww." she gushed, "Wait, did you just say you-" the door opened, putting an end to their conversation.

"Huh, you actually showed up." the man noted, "This is the girl you were talkin' 'bout? Not bad." he said with a dirty grin.

Kenny subtly pushed himself between his girlfriend and the greasy older man, "Yeah well, here's your dog. Glad we could help you find him." he said, handing over the leash.

"Now you don't wanna go runnin' off so soon now, do ya? I mean, we were just gettin' acquainted." the owner offered, giving Wendy a look that Kenny absolutely did not appreciate.

"Sorry, we've got a double date with our interracial gay friends tonight, so we really don't have time to hang around." the boy stated, fairly certain that at least one part of that lie would disgust the old redneck enough to let them leave without question.

"Oh, well I wouldn't wanna hold ya up then. But at least let me get your reward 'fore ya go." he said, pulling a bill out of his wallet and a cigarette out of his shirt pocket, "Thanks for your help."

Now, Kenny wasn't one to turn up his nose at five bucks and a free cigarette, but between the fact that the smoke was a menthol and the cash looked a lot like it came out of a printer that was running low on ink, he couldn't help the bad taste in his mouth as the door slammed in his face. "Well… At least we reunited Whiskey with his owner." Wendy optimistically said.

The two then heard a loud YELP from inside followed up with the phrase, "Fuckin' mutt! Now you're stayin' in the cage!"

"I'm gonna be honest Wendy, that doesn't make me feel much better." her boyfriend admitted.

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Kenny dug through his closet as Wendy paced his bedroom floor, "Maybe we could call animal control!" she suggested.

The boy shook his head "Animal control is for the removal of dangerous animals. And while that is the description I'd personally use for that asshole, I don't think they'll feel quite the same way." he explained.

"Then what about PETA, or the ASPCA?"

"What, so they can take Whiskey back to one of their slaughterhouses and put him down?! Fuck that!" Kenny protested before finding what he was looking for, "There it is!"

"What are you even looking for any- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" the girl commanded as she shielded her eyes.

"Chill the fuck out and enjoy the view, I wouldn't complain if you started changing in front of me." he pointed out.

"Yeah, that's because you're a massive pervert!"

The boy thought about her statement for a moment, "Yeah, that's true." he admitted as he slipped into his change of clothes, "Alright, my dick's covered."

"Kenny, I swear to god, if I look up and-"

"I'm dressed!" he assured.

Wendy hesitantly looked at her boyfriend to find that he was indeed clothed, but the skintight suit he wore didn't leave much to the imagination, "So Kyle wasn't Mysterion." she deduced.

"Nope." the boy answered in a deeper voice than usual as he walked over to the window, "I'm gonna be back with our dog in a little bit, don't wait up." he said.

"Now wait just a minute, you are not going out there alone!" the girl insisted.

"Mysterion works best alone." he stated.

"Well Mysterion's girlfriend isn't about to let him go pick a fight with some deranged asshole!"

"Technically speaking, you're Kenny's girlfriend, Mysterion's girlfriend is in the living room." he explained.

"In the- You're dating your sister?!" Wendy questioned in shock.

"Mysterion is… Still trying to find a way to let her down gently." the masked boy admitted.

Wendy looked at him with a blank stare, "Let's worry about that creepy little development later" she stated before joining her boyfriend at the window, "I'm coming with you."

"You don't even have a costume!" Kenny argued.

"Then we'll stop at my place so I can put one together!" the girl countered

"You can't just throw together a superhero costume in five minutes!"

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"No fucking way you just threw that together in five minutes." Kenny stated in disbelief as he admired his girlfriend.

"Shut up." Wendy instructed, her attention focused solely on her phone, "I'm in!" she exclaimed, "I now have full control of the Facebook page for Skeeter's Bar."

"Okay great, so you can tell middle-aged drunks what tonight's specials are. How does that help us?" the boy asked.

"Well, I looked him up the name he gave you on Facebook and found a lot of comments on Skeeter's page. Mostly stupid things like 'Party time!' or 'I'm there!'." she explained.

"Wow, that's… Really fucking sad." the boy pointed out.

"I know, right?" Wendy agreed as she typed something out on her phone, "Well tonight, dog owners are drinking free! So when he goes down there, we just have to cause a distraction and pull Whiskey right out from under his nose." she explained.

The pair looked at the guy's house to find that he was already on his way, dragging Whiskey right behind him, "Call Girl, you are a fucking genius." the boy complimented.

"Thank you Mysterion."

"One question though, wouldn't it have been easier to just wait for him to leave on his own without Whiskey and break into his house?" Kenny asked.

The girl thought about it for a moment before smacking her forehead, "Why didn't you say something earlier?!" she questioned.

"Because you're hot when you're in the zone." her boyfriend answered with a grin, "Come on, we can still beat him there. To the Mysterion Machine!" he exclaimed before dashing to his father's truck.

"That is by far, the absolute worst pun I have ever heard in my life!"

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"Look, I don't know what happened, the Facebook page got hacked. But it's not Dog Owners Drink Free Night, sorry." Skeeter explained.

The man groaned in anger, "So I brought this little fucker all the way out here for nothin'?!" he questioned.

"'Fraid so." the bartender answered, "Tell ya what, I'll give ya the first one on the house for all the trouble. Sound good?" he offered.

"Well, I ain't gonna turn down a free drink." the man agreed as he sat down at the bar.

Kenny and Wendy watched the interaction from outside the bar window, "Alright, now we just need a good distraction… Any ideas?" Wendy asked.

"We start a fire." the boy answered.

"Any ideas at all that don't involve arson." she specified.

"Small fire."

"Less arson is still arson. You're this town's greatest defender, are you seriously telling me you can't come up with a good plan?" the girl questioned.

"Most of my job consists of kicking the shit out of creeps in back alleys, you don't exactly need to be Batman to do that." Kenny explained as he examined the room, his eyes landing on his father who sat at the bar with Randy Marsh "But I think I just came up with something."

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"I'm tellin' ya Stuart, s'no way your kid's relationship's gonna last." Randy slurred before downing his latest beer, "She's gonna be crawlin' back to Stan in no time."

"You seem pretty fuckin' sure of yourself. You lookin' to go double or nothin'?" Kenny's dad wagered.

The other man laughed, "Like you can afford it!"

"You let me worry 'bout that. Not that I've got anything to worry about, my boy's a McCormick, and we always seal the deal. So, you wanna raise the stakes or not?"

Randy thought about the offer for a moment, "You're on!" he agreed, shaking the other man's hand.

Not a moment passed before Stuart's phone rang and he checked the caller ID, "Well, speak of the devil." he said with a smug grin before putting the call on speaker, "How's it goin' Ken?" he asked.

"Pretty great dad, I've gotta say." the teenager answered, "Hey, you know that bet you've got going with Stan's dad about me?" he asked.

"Funny you should mention it, we were just talkin' about that!" the man stated.

"Well, looks like you won because me and Wendy just had sex!" Kenny exclaimed.

"Wait, what?!" his girlfriend began to protest before he placed his hand over her mouth.

"OH HELL YEAH!" Stuart loudly celebrated, "I'LL TAKE MY WINNINGS IN CASH, MARSH! MY BOY JUST GOT LAID!" he announced, eliciting a cheer from some of the other patrons.

"OH WHAT?! THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Randy drunkenly exclaimed as he jumped to his feet, knocking over the drink of the man next to him.

"HEY! WATCH IT ASSHOLE!" the man stated.

"Fuck off, I'm not in the mood!"

"Well you just knocked over my free beer, and you're gonna buy me another one."

Randy narrowed his eyes at the greasy redneck, "I'm not buyin' you shit!"

"Oh, is that so?" the man asked before slowly getting up from his seat.

"Yeah, that's so." Randy answered as he began to unbutton his shirt.

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Kenny and Wendy watched as a fight broke out between Randy Marsh and Whiskey's owner, a fight that soon turned into an all out brawl as Kenny's dad joined in. Within moments, the entire bar was engaged in drunken combat. "Holy shit, how did you know that would work?" Wendy questioned.

"I've spent enough time with Stan to know that his dad's a sore loser and an angry drunk. Everything else just kind of fell into place." the boy explained, "But man, even I couldn't have planned for a distraction this good. Now come on, let's go get Whiskey."

The pair entered the building through the window, everybody too drunk and preoccupied with the bar fight to notice or even care about the two costumed teenagers sneaking in. Whiskey nearly knocked over the stool he was tied to when Wendy rushed over to get him, "HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN' TO MY DOG?!" his owner angrily questioned, having noticed them out of the corner of his eye.

Kenny walked up to the man, looked him dead in the eye, and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls, causing him to collapse to the floor, "My dog now, scumbag!" he stated before the pair made a hasty but smooth exit.

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"Come on dad, just let me keep him." Kenny begged.

"Absolutely not! We can barely afford you and your sister, now you wanna throw a dog into that mix?" the man argued.

"You let Kevin keep a raccoon a few years ago, why the hell is this any different?!" the boy asked.

"Trash Ketchum provided for both himself and this family, do you remember how many nuts and berries he brought home on a daily basis?" his father reminded, "But nooo, you had to be a little asshole and make us put him down!"

"HE GAVE ME RABIES!"

"Oh it's always about you isn't it? 'Oh boohoo, the big bad raccoon bit me, I'm foaming at the mouth, I literally died'. You're a real fuckin' drama queen, ya know that?!"

Wendy watched on as the two continued to bicker, "Please Mr. McCormick, Whiskey has nowhere else to go. We promise we'll take care of him, we'll find part time jobs to pay for his food and vet bills, you won't even know he's here." she assured.

The older man sighed, "Look Wendy, you're a responsible girl and I know you'll pull your weight, but Kenny's a stoner, a deadbeat, he ain't cut out for takin' care of a living thing."

"You raised three kids in a near constant state of being drunk off your ass." Kenny pointed out.

"Hey, you'd drink too if you spent all day workin' at the welfare office!" his father countered.

"Waiting in line is not the same as working there."

"Watch it smartass!"

"Alright Mr. McCormick, you're the man of the house, it's your call." Wendy relented.

"Huh?" Kenny and his father asked in unison, "I mean yeah, it is my call! Thank you Wendy." the man agreed.

"Dude, what the fuck are you-" Kenny began to protest before his girlfriend covered his mouth.

"But before we get rid of him, all you have to do is look Whiskey in the eyes and tell him you're throwing him out on the cold street." the girl expressed.

Stuart laughed, "That all? Sure, give him here." he requested, taking the puppy from Wendy's hand and lifting him up to eye level, "Alright ya little bastard, time to…" the man couldn't help but lose his concentration as he looked at the dog's face, "Aw, you've got a cute little mustache just like mine." he noted as Whiskey started to lick him. "I uh… You're gonna have to… I can't…"

"What's wrong Mr. Man Of The House? Aren't ya gonna kick him out?" Kenny sarcastically asked.

The older man cleared his throat, "A-Alright, here's what I'm gonna do, I won a pretty big bet last night so I've got about two-hundred dollars worth of walkin' around money. I'll loan you the cash so you can pay for his shots and dog food until you two can find jobs to support him yourselves and start paying me back."

Kenny's eyes widened in surprise, "So… We can keep him?" he asked.

"Yeah, you can keep him. But if I find one spec of shit on the floor then I'm puttin' both of you out on the street." Stuart asserted.

"We'll start house training him immediately and we'll pay you back every cent. Thank you so much Mr. McCormick!" Wendy promised before surprising the older man with a hug.

'Lord forgive me for the thought that just popped into my head.' he mentally prayed before clearing his throat, "Yeah, you uh… You make sure ya do!" he commanded as he left the room.

"Damn, that's the first time I've seen him look at anything like that that wasn't… Well, an actual bottle of whiskey." Kenny pointed out before addressing his girlfriend, "You're fucking amazing, you know that?"

Wendy smiled, "Yeah, I know." she agreed.

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After leaving his son's room Stuart heard the sound of his cell phone ringing, pulling it out of his pocket he checked the caller ID before answering, "Hey Randy." he greeted as he wandered into the kitchen.

"Hey, I just wanted to call and make sure there's no hard feelings about last night. You won fair and square and I was wrong to make a scene." the other man admitted.

"Nah, you know the one thing better than gettin' wasted is gettin' in a fight. Last night was the most fun I've had in years!"

Randy chuckled "Yeah, but I still shouldn't have gotten so worked up about something as stupid as a bet on our sons' romantic lives."

Stuart laughed in return, "Nah, I get it, ya bet on a losin' horse, it ain't your fault Wendy likes my boy better than yours."

"I mean, I wouldn't go that far. I still think there's a chance she'll come back to Stan."

"I've gotta disagree with ya on that Randy. Ya know these two got a dog together? Now if that ain't commitment then I don't know what is." the man stated.

"Well sure, but just because they have a dog doesn't automatically mean they're gonna get married." Randy pointed out.

Stuart paused for a moment, "Wanna bet?"

"How much?"

"Five-hundred bucks says Kenny's gonna marry that girl."

"Well I've got five-hundred that says she'll come back to Stan."

"You're on!" Stuart agreed before hanging up the phone, he exited the kitchen to see Kenny and Wendy getting ready to take Whiskey out for a walk, "Kenny, come here, I wanna tell ya somethin' in private!" he commanded, walking toward his bedroom.

The teenager followed his father inside, "What's up?" he asked.

The older man dug around in his wife's nightstand before pulling something out, "Son, I will drop every cent of that debt you owe me right this second if you promise me one thing."

Kenny couldn't help but be intrigued by his father's offer, "What kind of thing?"

"Hold out your hand." he requested.

The boy did as he was told and was shocked to see his father drop a diamond engagement ring into his palm, "My grandfather gave this ring to all three of his wives, your grandfather gave it to both of his, and I gave it to your mother. Now I've got five-hundred bucks ridin' on you givin' it to that girl in the other room."

Kenny couldn't believe what he was hearing, "You… You seriously bet five-hundred bucks that I'd marry Wendy? What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Well, you love her, don't you?" the man asked.

"I mean, fuck yeah, of course I do."

"And you wanna be with her forever, right?"

"Well, sure."

"Then what's wrong with me bettin' on a sure thing?!"

"I just think it's kind of fucked up that you and your drinking buddies keep betting on my relationship status." Kenny expressed.

The older man sighed, "Look, ya don't need to do it right away, ya just need to do it eventually. In the meantime, I need you to treat that girl like a queen and make damn sure she doesn't go crawlin' back to Stan, because that's when I officially lose."

"Well yeah, that was always kind of the plan anyway."

"Perfect! You've got the ring, just ask her when you're ready, and don't fuck things up until then. Alright?"

"Well… Alright, I guess." Kenny hesitantly agreed.

"Good, now go spend time with your woman!" Stuart commanded.

Kenny left the room with his mother's ring in hand and the name 'Wendy McCormick' echoing throughout his mind.

A/N: Alright, before we take this thing any further I just want to make something clear; Dead Man Walking isn't really a story so much as it is a continuity, one that can tell many stories without breaking off into a thousand sequels and spinoffs. Therefore, some chapters can be part of a larger arc while others will just be little one-shots like this one, but they all take place in the same overall continuity.

Now that that's out of the way, I also wanted to thank you all for your wonderful reviews, they truly are one of the big highlights of writing this and I really do appreciate every one of them!

Speaking of updates, I don't know when the next update for DMW will be, I've got ideas in my head but the hard part always comes with figuring out how to execute them. So if ya really need that Kenny/Wendy fix until then, you can do one of two things:

1. Do what I did and write your own fic to fill up the Kendy tag (Seriously, all the other ships are kicking our ass in terms of quantity).

Or

2. Go read Pink Lemonade if you haven't already, it's probably the best Kenny/Wendy fic you're gonna find. It's even complete now, and the author's already started on a promising looking sequel! Seriously, I can't recommend that fic enough, it's fuckin' great!

And as always, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know if this chapter sucked or ruled with a review.