Kenny unloaded a can of spray paint into a paper bag, before holding it over his mouth and nose, inhaling its contents. The boy looked over to find his companion shooting him a dirty look, "What's your problem, fatass?"
Cartman shook his head, "You're a fucking wreck dude. I thought you said we were gonna be tagging some walls!"
"No, I said I was gonna have some fun in a back alley with a few cans of paint and you immediately invited yourself along." the other teenager corrected before taking another huff, "Also, can you remind me why the hell you brought Butters?"
"Because he's a good lookout." the fat boy answered.
"Uh, fellers? I really don't think I should be here. I-if my parents find out I'm hangin' out in back alleys, they'll ground me!" Butters explained as he jerked his head around looking for any signs of trouble.
"Dude, you're sixteen, quit being such a fucking pussy!" Cartman ordered before picking up a few of the spray-cans and examining the colors, "Why the fuck did you bring so much purple and yellow?" he questioned before coming to a realization, "Oh dude, are you fucking serious?!"
"What?"
"You were gonna paint a mural for your hippie bitch girlfriend, weren't you?" the other boy deduced.
Kenny's face turned slightly red at the accusation, luckily it was mostly concealed by the silver paint around his mouth, "What the hell makes you think that? Purple and yellow are like, my two favorite colors!" he pointed out.
Cartman rolled his eyes, "Dude, how long have we been vandalizing this alley together?"
"Six years."
"And in those six years, what have you painted on these walls?"
"My name and a whole bunch of titties." the boy answered.
"Exactly. The only colors I've seen you use in six years are beige, pink, and orange."
"Big deal, so I'm mixing things up a little for once… Also-" Kenny sprayed his huffing paint into Cartman's eyes.
"AH, SHIT! FUCKING ASS-CUNT! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" the heavyset teenager screamed.
"For calling my girlfriend a bitch… Ya bitch."
"What the fuck is it with you two and spraying shit in my eyes?!"
Kenny shrugged, "I dunno, maybe we're just soulmates like that."
"Fuckin' gay." Cartman stated, "Oh god, I'm gonna go blind, you've gotta get me to the hospital!"
"Shake it off dude, you'll be fine."
"I-I dunno Ken, I'm pretty sure you're n-not supposed to get that stuff in your eyes." Butters noted.
The other boy waved it off, "My dad sprayed paint in my face every once in a while when I was a kid, usually when the Broncos lost. If there were any bad side-effects then I think I would know."
"Oh yeah? Are there any bad side-effects now?" Cartman asked before spraying Kenny in the face with a can of purple.
"AH FUCK! YOU SON OF A WHORE!" the boy cursed before spraying back.
"AH! COCKSUCKING HIPPIE FUCKING BITCH!" Cartman took the battle one step further by throwing his can of paint at Kenny's head and within moments they were on the ground brawling.
"Fellers, FELLERS! Come on, break it up! Please?" Butters requested.
The boy's pleas would go unheard, not that it mattered though, considering Kenny had easily overtaken the larger boy and held him in an arm lock, "Who's your daddy bitch? Who's your daddy?!"
"My dad's dead, asshole!" Cartman reminded.
"Yeah, I kind of don't have any sympathy for ya there. Ya know, considering you're the one who killed him." Kenny reminded before kneeing the other boy in the side.
"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" the boys heard an unfamiliar voice demand.
'Please don't be a cop, please don't be a cop.' Kenny mentally begged whatever deity was willing to listen. And it would seem all the deities ignored the absolute fuck out of him because there in the alley, examining the scene of paint cans and the fighting kids was a fucking cop. 'Shit.'
"Skinny kid, stand up and put your hands where I can see them."
Kenny had spent enough time in the poor neighborhood to know that when a cop tells you to do something with few witnesses around, ya fuckin' do it, even if you're immortal because let's face it, getting shot fucking hurts, "Yes sir." he agreed before doing as he was told.
"Fat kid, do you need any help getting up?" the officer asked.
Cartman shot a dirty look, "HEY! I'm not fat, I'm big boned!" he corrected as he got to his feet.
"Big bones don't jiggle like that." the officer pointed out to Cartman's irritation, "Now, would you like to tell me what's going on here?"
Kenny quickly got into character and gave a fake laugh, "Aw, it's nothin' officer, just a couple buds screwin' around between shifts at the soup kitchen. Isn't that right Eric?" he asked.
Cartman saw his friend's attempt to bullshit his way out of this, it would probably work if himself and Butters played their roles right. But of course, the fat bastard had his own idea, "Oh thank God you got here when you did officer! Me and my friend were walking down the street when we saw this… This thug spray painting the walls! I tried to do my civic duty and stop him but then he attacked me!"
"What?! That's a fucking lie!" the other boy defended.
"HE SAID HE WAS GONNA FORCE HIMSELF ON ME AND TAKE MY ASS VIRGINITY!"
"I'M GONNA DO WHAT ALL THAT KFC SHOULD'VE DONE YEARS AGO AND FUCKING KILL YOU!" Kenny threatened before grabbing Cartman by the shirt.
The boy found himself tackled to the ground before being handcuffed and dragged to a police car, "Bye Kenny, have fun getting raped in prison!" Cartman teased.
"You're gonna fucking pay for this fatass!"
"Oh really? What are ya gonna do, send me a bunch of threatening letters written in your own blood?" the boy asked.
"Simpsons did it." Butters noted under his breath as he watched his friend get dragged away.
Kenny shook his head, "Nope, I'm gonna use my one phone call to tell Wendy about this!", Cartman's eyes widened in fear, "Don't worry dude, I'm sure she'll be real understanding about you getting her boyfriend arrested." he sarcastically added.
"Alright, shut up and get in the car!" the cop ordered.
The two remaining teenagers watched as Kenny was driven away, "Oh shitballs." the fat teenager cursed.
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"YOU GOT KENNY THROWN IN JUVIE?!" Wendy screamed as she violently pressed Cartman against a locker.
"Hey, it's not my fault you're dating a violent menace to society!" Cartman defended, 'Crazy Hippie Bitch and Psycho Poor Kid has got to be the worst ship in the history of forever.' he incorrectly thought to himself.
Wendy slammed the bastard's head against the metal, "You and I both know Kenny wouldn't hurt a fly without a damn good reason! So what did you do?!"
"All I did was call you a bitch and he went all White Knight on my ass!" the boy explained, "So come to think of it, this is all your fault!"
The girl slammed him against the lockers once more, "The second Kenny gets out of jail, we're both going to kick the absolute shit out of you!" she promised before throwing Cartman to the ground and walking away.
Wendy made her way to the school's back door, swinging it open before stepping outside, "Firkle, give me some cigarettes." she ordered.
The short goth began to argue "I'm not your fucking-"
"NOW!" she reiterated. Firkle did as he was told and emptied half his pack, handing the smokes over to Wendy, "Thank you." she said in appreciation before pocketing them.
"So, you're finally ready to ruin those pretty pink lungs of yours?" Henrietta asked.
The girl shook her head, "Kenny asked me to bring them when I visit him." she explained with a sigh, "I'm so worried about him. All alone in there with all those criminals."
"Kenny's tough, he'll be fine." Michael assured, "I mean, what's the worst that could happen? It's just juvie."
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"Alright kid, welcome to your new home." the guard stated as he escorted Kenny to his cell.
"Honestly, not that much worse than my old one." the teenager noted as he looked around, "Is that… Heat?! Holy shit! Oh yeah, huge improvement!"
The guard rolled his eyes, "Glad ya like it. Time to meet your new roommate." he said as he shoved Kenny into his cell and shut the door.
"Friendly prick, ain't he?" the boy said under his breath, he looked around the small room to see another teenager sitting on one of the beds. Muscular, blonde, around his age… Familiar?
"So, you're my new roommate huh?" the other boy said in a southern accent.
'Sounds familiar too. Do I know this guy?' Kenny wondered to himself, "For the next couple weeks at least, I'm…" the boy realized something, you only get one first impression, and if he's gonna be imprisoned with this guy then he wants to sound tough, Kenny's not a name for a tough guy, Kenny's a name for a country music singer or something, "They call me The Slayer." he introduced, 'Fucking badass.'
The other teenager held back a laugh, "Nice to meet ya, Slayer. Name's Trent Boyett." he said as he held out his hand.
Kenny felt his heart drop into his stomach and all the color drain from his face at the introduction, 'Oh shit.' he thought to himself before shaking Trent's hand, "The pleasure's all mine."
Trent grinned at the boy's reaction, "Guess my reputation's held up over the years." he noted.
"I guess you could say that." Kenny agreed, 'Holy shit, I'm locked up in the same room with Trent Wants-To-Fucking-Murder-Me Boyett.' he thought to himself in fear, 'Why hasn't he done it yet though? He's been waiting eleven years to get me alone, why isn't he-'
"Good. I've got a couple guys on the outside who I want to stay good and scared." Trent stated.
The boy didn't know what to think, it's almost as if Trent had never seen his face before in his- it was when Kenny tried playing with the strings of his parka that he realized he wasn't wearing it, and with that revelation came another, 'He's never seen me without my hood. He doesn't know what I look or sound like.'
"So, what are ya in for Slayer?" he questioned.
"Assault. You?" Kenny asked like he didn't already know. 'Well, it has been about six years since his revenge rampage, maybe he's over it!' the optimist considered.
The grin ran away from Trent's face at the question "Framed for two counts of arson and one count of murder by a group of traitorous assholes." he answered, "Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick. Those fuckers are dead men walkin'."
'Oh cool, he kinda said the name of the fic and is also 100% abso-fucking-lutely not over it in the slightest! Yay.' he thought to himself, "They sound like a bunch of pricks."
"You've got no idea. I used to think they were alright at first, but these guys'll turn on ya in a second, don't matter who ya are. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they've turned on each other at this point. Know what I mean?"
The boy thought about that description for a moment, "Yes Trent, I know exactly what you mean."
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"Wendy, I've missed you so much!" Kenny expressed for the fifth time as he kissed his girlfriend wherever he could. "I can't think straight without you, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even tell how long it's been since we were last together."
"Quit being so dramatic, you've been in here for two days." the girl reminded.
"Two days without you might as well be a life sentence." he poetically stated before kissing her once again, "Please tell me you got me those things I asked for." he begged.
Wendy smiled before handing them over, "Half a pack of smokes and a picture of me in that one tank top you really like."
The boy shed a tear of joy, "I love that tank top and everything it holds." he said before kissing her once more.
"So, aside from the fact that you apparently can't function without me anymore, how's everything else on the inside?" she questioned, "You're not anyone's bitch, are you?"
Kenny chuckled, "No Wendy, this ass is all for you once you choose to accept it." he assured, "You'll never guess who they've got me roomed with though. Remember Trent Boyett?"
"From preschool?!"
"Yep."
"I remember that psycho, didn't you and the guys used to be friends with him?"
"Kinda, he wants to kill us all now."
"Do I want to know?"
"It's a long story."
"In other words you guys did something absolutely horrible that you're not telling me about."
"Bingo."
"Should I be worried?"
"Nah, I'll be fine."
"I mean about Trent, something tells me you might be a bad influence on him."
"I don't need to take that from someone who's dating a convict." Kenny stated before ending the conversation with a kiss, a moment passed before they were making out on the table.
"McCormick, time's up!" the guard said, Kenny ignored him and continued sucking on his girlfriend's face, "Now McCormick!" the guard reiterated only to be once again ignored.
The guard walked over to drag the boy away from Wendy, "I'll be out in a couple weeks! Wait for me! I'm gonna be thinking about you nonstop! I love you so fucking much, you have no fucking clue!" he shouted as he was dragged away.
Wendy giggled at her boyfriend's over-the-top display. She got up from the table with a sigh, looking back to the door Kenny had been dragged through as the smile ran away from her face.
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Bebe and Wendy walked home from their latest shift at Benny's Diner, "You know you didn't have to kick that guy in the face, right?" Wendy asked.
"He was trying to look up your skirt!" Bebe defended.
"I dropped my pen, he was picking it up for me!" she countered.
"That's exactly what he wanted you to think." the other girl warned, "I'm not about to sit by and watch my best friend get molested!"
"I can beat the shit out of my own perverts, thanks!" Wendy pointed out, "I swear, you're as bad as Kenny sometimes."
Bebe laughed, "So how is the jailbird anyway? You went to see him yesterday, right?"
Wendy sighed, "He's surviving, I guess."
"You miss him?" the other girl questioned.
"I mean, he's only been gone for a few days." she pointed out.
"That's not an answer. Come on, you've been hanging out with him nonstop since you started dating, you're really gonna tell me it's not weird without him around?" Bebe asked.
Wendy rolled her eyes, "We're not conjoined twins, us not being together isn't some big historic event." she explained as the two approached Bebe's house, "Look, of course I miss him, I love hanging out with Kenny! But a couple weeks apart isn't going to drive me completely out of my mind. Okay?"
The other girl shook her head, "You are so in denial." she noted, "See ya tomorrow Wendy, try not to go crazy without your soulmate!"
"WILL YOU STOP CALLING US THAT!" Wendy demanded as she watched her best friend walk into her house, the girl walked down the sidewalk to her own house, 'Kenny is going to be out in two weeks. I am not getting separation anxiety over two weeks without him, especially since I'll be visiting him again in that time!' she assured herself.
The girl kept walking the oddly lengthy distance between Bebe's house and her own. Strange, they only live a few yards away from each other, why would it take her so long to-
Wendy looked down at the train track that she had just walked over 'Wait, there's no…' she looked up to see she had made her way into the poor neighborhood… Kenny's neighborhood… she wondered why she would have come here when it hit her 'Right, I still have to feed Whiskey! He's just as much my dog as he is Kenny's. Sure, Karen would probably do it for us, but why take any chances!' she reasoned to herself as she made her way to the boy's house.
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Kenny sat in the yard with a cigarette in his mouth, staring at his picture of Wendy, 'Just ten more days, beautiful.' he thought to himself. He was so transfixed in the girl's image that he didn't even notice Trent approach him.
"Slayer, you've been lookin' at that picture for the past two days. I'm startin' to think you've gone brain-dead." the seasoned convict noted.
"Yeah." the boy agreed, not really paying attention.
Curious, Trent walked behind his cellmate to see just what had him so enamored, "That your girl?" he asked with a look of approval.
"Fuck yeah, dude." Kenny affirmed.
"She's cute."
"Yeah, smart too, and talented, and principled, and amazing, and she's got a great ass."
Trent nodded "You're a lucky man, I never had a girl, bein' locked up in here all these years." he lamented.
"Hey, don't sweat it dude, plenty of guys on the outside never had girlfriends either. They just sit around on the internet all day getting into arguments with strangers." Kenny assured.
Trent shook his head, "The way some of these fuckers waste their freedom." he noted before taking a better look at the picture, "Ya know, I knew a girl in preschool who wore a beret like that."
Kenny tensed up at the mention of preschool, "Yeah? I only met her a couple years ago in middle school." he lied.
"One of the guys that got me locked up in here had the biggest crush on her." the other boy recalled, "Always starin' at her from the other side of the room, drawin' pictures of her with big tits."
'Stan did that? Huh, I thought I was the only man of culture in our group.' Kenny mused to himself, "Let me guess, he was too nervous to actually talk to her and he just threw up every time he tried?"
Trent shook his head "Nah, nothin' like that. He just ran away from her and hid behind that hood he always wore."
'Oh shit, that's my trademark… So the preschool bully apparently knew me better than any of my best friends? Neat.'
"I was gettin' sick of seein' it, I was gonna tell him to quit bein' such a fuckin' pussy and make a move, maybe twist his arm 'til he told her… Ya know, before he got me locked up."
'Damn, that probably would've been helpful… So the preschool bully had my best interests at heart this whole time? Neat.'
"Let me tell ya, he was the best one in that group too. We were the poorest kids in school, lived in the same neighborhood, if anyone would've had my back I figured it would've been him… He was probably the best friend I ever had, come to think of it." Trent explained, "Fuckin' bastard."
'So not only did I help send a semi-innocent man to jail for the majority of his life, I also screwed myself out of a potentially strong friendship?… That's not neat… That actually sucks a fat one.' Kenny mused to himself, "Dude… I am so fucking sorry."
The other teenager waved it off, "Don't worry 'bout it. He's gonna be sorry as shit once I get out of here, all four of 'em are."
Kenny resisted the urge to shit himself in fear, luckily his bowels were distracted by another prisoner tripping over his outstretched legs and falling to the ground, the boy watched as his fellow inmate jerked his head to look at him in anger, "You're gonna pay for that!" he stated.
The convict shuffled to his feet and dragged the boy up to eye level by his shirt. Kenny braced for impact, but the punch that came didn't connect with his own face, "YOU TOUCH HIM AGAIN AND I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKIN' TEETH OUT WITH A CROWBAR!" Trent warned.
Within moments, the now downed prisoner's affiliated group had approached the two teenagers, "Big mistake, asshole." one of them remarked before they all closed in.
"Oh shit." Kenny stated as two guys grabbed him, 'Okay, okay, just chill out. Remember your training.' he thought to himself.
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Kenny thought back to when he was nine, him and Kevin standing in their back yard in fighting stances, "Alright Ken, if you're seriously gonna run around fightin' crime in that gay-ass Mr. Eon costume-"
"It's Mysterion!" the boy corrected, his voice muffled through his hood.
"I seriously don't give a shit." Kevin assured, "Point is, you're gonna need to know how to fight." he explained.
"So you're gonna teach me karate?" Kenny questioned.
His brother shook his head, "Fuck that Bruce Lee shit, you're gonna be goin' up against dirty street rats that ain't gonna pull any punches. They're gonna be fightin' dirty and they're gonna be fightin' to kill, so you're gonna need to fight even dirtier than them. Ya feel me?" he explained.
"I guess."
Kevin nodded, "Sweet. Now grab them water bottles over there and we can get started." he instructed.
Kenny turned around to grab the water, not a second went by before he felt his legs get kicked out from under him followed by a second kick to his liver once he was on the ground, "OW, SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!" he screamed loud enough that it almost came out clearly through the fabric of his coat.
"NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR OPPONENT!" the older boy scolded, "You let your guard down around these fuckers and a kick in the side's gonna be the least of your worries! Now get up." he instructed, holding out his hand.
The boy grabbed his brother's hand, only to feel it tighten around his own, within a moment he was thrown across the yard and into the fence, the wood splinted on impact and jabbed him through his clothes.
"NEVER TRUST YOUR OPPONENT! THERE AIN'T NO SPORTSMANSHIP ON THE STREETS!" Kevin asserted.
Kenny groaned in pain, "Ow, dude, that was just…"
The older boy watched as tears collected in his little brother's eyes, "Aw come on, don't be such a fuckin' pussy!" he scolded, feeling increasingly bad as the kid writhed in pain, "Shit, come on Ken, I'm sorry I threw ya so hard." he comforted as he approached the boy, "How's 'bout we take a little break, I'll get ya some ice and we can go watch some Terrance and Phil-"
He was silenced by a hard kick to the balls, falling to the ground in pain before Kenny climbed on top of him and rubbed a handful of dirt in his eyes, "How was that?" the boy asked.
Kevin pushed the younger boy off and tried to clean out his eyes, "THAT HAD TO BE THE DIRTIEST, CHEAPEST, MOST LOW DOWN THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!" he shouted before looking at his brother with a smile, "You're gonna do great out there!"
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Back in the present, Kenny was being held back by one convict while the other prepared to beat the absolute living shit out of him, he had to think quick, "Hey look! Terry the Trap's got his ass out!" he shouted.
The one who was about to deliver the beating turned his head to look at the sweet girly man-pussy that he'd be disappointed to find was not there. Distracted, Kenny kicked his assailant as hard as he could in the balls before getting his arm loose and elbowing the other guy in the nose, breaking it on impact.
With those two down for the count, he turned to see Trent defending himself against the other three, "TRENT, MOVE!" the boy shouted, once his cellmate get out of the way Kenny grabbed a handful of sand and tossed it into their faces. Once they were blinded, the boy tackled one of them to the ground and began pummeling him into the dirt.
Trent didn't take much time to admire the other boy's competence before turning his attention to the other two convicts. Quickly, he walked over to them and kicked one in the knee as hard as he could before grabbing him by the ankles and throwing him at the other, effectively beating a motherfucker with another motherfucker.
Once the whole group was immobilized, Kenny and Trent sat on the ground next to their fallen adversaries, sweaty, out of breath, their hearts beating fast, "You okay Trent?" Kenny asked.
The other boy nodded, "Yeah." he answered, trying to control his breathing, "And here I figured Slayer was just a dumb nickname ya gave yourself to sound tough."
"Yeah, me too." he agreed.
Finally, the guards who had been watching the fight alongside the other convicts stepped in, "Alright, break it up." one of them ordered.
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Karen McCormick entered her home at around 7PM, noting that neither of her parents were passed out in the living room 'They must've gone out.' she reasoned to herself as she made her way further into the house. She was taken by surprise when she noticed the sound of progressive rock and the smell of a lit joint fill the air. "Kenny?!" she questioned in excitement as she ran to her brother's room.
Once she got there, the excited look on her face changed to one of confusion when she saw that it wasn't her brother laid out on his bed smoking weed, "Oh shit!" Wendy cursed as she tried to wave the smoke out of the air, "H-hey Karen! What's up?" she asked.
"Not much…" the younger girl answered, "What uh… What's going on with you?"
"Oh, nothing." she answered, "I just came over to feed Whiskey, and I just kinda… Like, uhh… You know what I mean?"
"Not really." Karen said as she sat on Kenny's bed and held out her hand, "Pass it." she said.
"I uhh… Should I… Aren't you-"
The girl rolled her eyes, "You're not the only one who knows where Kenny keeps his stash." she explained. Wendy accepted the response and handed over the joint with a shrug, watching as Karen took a hit and began coughing, "So, the rumors are true then?" she asked once her cough died down.
"Rumors?" Wendy questioned.
"That my brother's been a bad influence on you, leading you to a life of sex, drugs, and rock and roll." the girl specified.
"What?! No, I don't do drugs." she defended.
"Oh really Wendy? So I guess this thing you were sucking on is a candy cane then?" Karen sarcastically questioned.
Wendy rolled her eyes, "Do all you McCormicks speak exclusively in fluent sarcasm?" she asked as the younger girl handed her back the joint.
"Kinda. But me and Kenny do it the best." she boasted.
"I can tell." the girl noted before taking a hit.
"So, I take it you miss him as much as I do?" Karen asked.
Wendy coughed the smoke out of her lungs, "I mean yeah, I miss him."
Karen shook her head, "I mean like, really miss him. Like 'Holy shit, I can't stand not having him around.' miss him. Ya feel me?"
The older girl laughed, "Oh yeah, I have no fucking idea how I haven't gone completely insane without Kenny by my side 24/7" she sarcastically answered.
"Hey, that's how I feel when I spend too much time away from my boyfriend." the other girl countered, "I haven't seen Mysterion in a while too." she added with a sigh.
'As soon as he gets out of juvie, Kenny and I are having a serious talk about him breaking up with his sister.' Wendy mentally noted.
"Face it Wendy, you're hanging out in his room, smoking his weed, and listening to his cassettes." Karen noted, taking a moment to notice the song playing, "For fuck's sake, the album your playing is Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd!"
"I just really like this album!" the girl defended.
"Why's that?" the younger girl questioned.
Wendy hesitated in her answer, "The fact that it's the first album Kenny showed me when we started dating is completely irrelevant, if that's what you're getting at!" she defended.
Karen rolled her eyes, "Sure it is."
"Look, Kenny being gone has been hard on both of us."
The younger girl laughed, "Ha, you said 'hard on'." she pointed out.
Wendy groaned, "Ugh, it's like you two are the exact same person!"
"That your way of saying you wanna screw around?" Karen asked with a grin, satisfied with the blush she was able to bring to the other girl's face.
"You… Stop that! Don't get weird!" she requested.
"Come on, the two of us can practice a little until Kenny gets out of jail then we can see just how weird shit can get." Karen said with a smirk, holding back a laugh at the dismayed look on Wendy's face.
"Out." Wendy ordered.
"Come on, I'm just fucking around!" the younger girl assured, "Unless-"
"OUT!"
Karen laughed as she walked toward the door, "Kenny's right, you're way too easy to mess with." she noted before closing the door.
Wendy shook her head, 'I can deal with my boyfriend perving out on me every five minutes, but his sister too?' she mused before taking another hit from the joint.
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"Both of us are breaking up with Karen the second you get out of here." Wendy expressed to her boyfriend.
"So that's a no on the three-way then?" Kenny asked.
"What the fuck is wrong with you two?" the girl questioned.
"Like it's our fault you're so irresistible?" her boyfriend countered.
Wendy buried her face in her hands, "I'm surrounded by degenerates."
"Yeah." Kenny agreed, "Yet you continue to stick around. What's that say about you?"
"Probably something about my better judgment." the girl expressed, "Speaking of bad judgment and degeneracy, how are you doing?"
Her boyfriend shrugged, "I'm starting to feel bad for getting Trent locked up. He's actually pretty cool."
Wendy rolled her eyes, "You're not supposed to feel bad about sending an innocent man to jail just because he's 'pretty cool'. You're supposed to feel bad because it's a generally horrible thing to do."
"Hey, me feeling bad isn't gonna get him his lost years back." the boy pointed out.
"You're a dick."
"I'm your dick."
The girl sighed, "Yeah, I guess you are."
Kenny leaned in and kissed his girlfriend, "You miss me, admit it."
"My life is absolutely falling apart without you." she sarcastically assured with a roll of her eyes.
"Miss. Testaburger, if you continue speaking sarcasm to me then I promise I will not be able to keep my hands off you." Kenny warned.
"McCormick, five minutes!" one of the guards shouted.
The boy rolled his eyes, "What's that? How much time you can last with your wife?" he insulted.
"TWO MINUTES!"
"Yeah, that sounds more like it." Kenny shot back.
"ALRIGHT SMARTASS, NOW!" the guard shouted before grabbing the teenager by the collar of his shirt and dragging him away.
"Just one more week Wends! Promise you'll wait for me!" he requested.
Wendy rolled her eyes "Of course I promise." she assured with a smile.
"FUCK YEAH!" Kenny celebrated with a pump of his fist before addressing the guard, "Hey Quincy, bet you wish your wife was as loyal as my girl!" he teased.
"Let's see how hard you're laughing when I get you in the blind-spot of a security cam!" Quincy threatened.
"Beat me all you want, but you'll never beat your masculine insecurity!" Kenny shouted with a laugh as the two disappeared through the door.
Wendy shook her head as she got up to leave, 'He's going to get himself killed in there.' she thought to herself, the idea made her smile 'At least he'll be out sooner if he does.' she considered in a morbidly optimistic way.
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"It sucks this is your last week." Trent said to his cellmate.
Kenny looked at the other boy in confusion, "Well fuck you too dude."
"That's not what I meant." the other teenager said with a laugh, "I'm sayin' you're like the first guy I've met in here that wasn't a total jackass. Everybody else is either afraid of me or tryin' too hard to act like a tough guy."
"Hey, I'm tough." Kenny defended.
"Yeah, and ya don't go around showin' off about it either… Ya know, 'side from callin' yourself 'The Slayer'."
"The Slayer will be sure to remember you making fun of his name." the other boy jokingly threatened.
"ALRIGHT, LIGHTS OUT, EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO BED!" the two heard a guard shout before the lights turned off.
Kenny laid back on his bed as soon as the lights went out, "Well, I know I don't wanna be awake when the chorus of masturbation and anal sex starts up. 'Night Trent." he said before throwing his pillow over his head to better drown out the sounds of late night prison love making.
"Yeah, 'night." Trent said in return, "And hey, 'least we've still got the rest of the week to hang out before you're free."
"Yeah, that's pretty cool." Kenny agreed, his voice muffled by his pillow.
The other teenager's eyes widened at the sound, "What you just say?" he asked.
Kenny removed the pillow from his face, "I said 'that's pretty cool'." he stated more clearly.
Trent sat up in his bed, "Cover your face again." he ordered.
The boy was confused by the odd request, "Why?" he asked.
"I said cover your fuckin' face!"
"Dude, what's up your ass?"
Trent grabbed his own pillow and ran across the cell, pinning Kenny down and smothering him with the cushion, "NOW TALK!"
"DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" he muffled through the padding.
The seasoned was seeing red as he pulled away the pillow, "It is you! Kenny fuckin' McCormick!"
'Oh shit, I'm gonna die.' he thought to himself before trying to force a laugh, "What? Dude, what are you-"
Trent pushed him back onto the bed and smothered him once again, "Say somethin' sexual, NOW!"
Kenny panicked and screamed the first dirty thought that popped into his head "I LIKE GIRLS WITH BIG FAT TITTIES, I LIKE GIRLS WITH DEEP VAGINAS!" he muffled, the words barely intelligible.
Trent pulled the pillow away once again, "I can't fuckin' believe it. All this time I've been waitin' to get out, and now you're in here with me." he stated, "So where's the other three? Ain't you four always together?"
The boy coughed before catching his breath, "We're… Kinda not on speaking terms right now." he explained.
The other teenager scoffed, "Figures. Let me guess, you were always a horny little bastard, you screwed one of their girlfriends, didn't ya?!"
"No!" Kenny defended, "I just kinda started dating Stan's ex." he admitted before Trent threw him to the concrete ground.
"Once a traitor always a traitor. You make me fuckin' sick!"
"Dude, I can totally explain how that happened in a five-part story that not only fleshes out my character and backstory but will also 100% sell you on team Kendy."
"I AIN'T INTERESTED IN A FUCKIN' SOB STORY THAT ENDS WITH YOU GETTIN' THE GIRL AND RIDIN' OFF INTO THE SUNSET!" Trent expressed, "All I'm interested in is the justice I never got. Tomorrow in the yard we're gonna settle this once and for all. I'm gonna finally give you the beatdown you've had comin' for the past eleven years." he promised, spitting in Kenny's face before walking back to his own bed.
The teenager laid on the cold hard floor for the rest of the night, too scared to even take notice of the ambient sound of a prison full of adolescent boys jacking off and plooking each other.
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Wendy awoke at around 7:30AM with a yawn, stretching as she got out of bed, threw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, her beret, and Kenny's parka before making her way into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Once she started the coffee maker, an older woman entered the room, "Morning Mrs. McCormick."
The woman yawned "Mornin' Wendy." she greeted in return, "And I told ya you can just call me Carol."
"Right, sorry. Coffee should be ready in a couple minutes." the girl noted.
Carol nodded as she lit up a cigarette, "So, are you just livin' with us now or…"
Wendy shook her head, "Just taking care of Whiskey until Kenny gets back." she explained. She couldn't leave the poor dog all alone after all, just because the twin-sized mattress smelled exactly like Kenny doesn't mean Whiskey wouldn't notice his absence.
"Gotcha." the woman said with a nod, "And your parents-"
"Think I've been staying at Bebe's." the girl preemptively answered as she watched the coffee pot fill to the top and emptied half its contents into two cups, handing one to her future mother-in-law boyfriend's mother…
No she didn't just think of Carol as her future mother-in-law, don't be ridiculous!
Moments later, the two were joined in the kitchen by the house's remaining residents, Stuart, Karen, and the little golden retriever puppy that Wendy held co-ownership over. "Mornin' mom, mornin' New-Kenny." Karen greeted as she grabbed herself a cup of coffee.
Wendy rolled her eyes, "That joke gets funnier every time you tell it." she sarcastically remarked.
"It's also less of a joke every time I say it." the younger girl noted.
"Fuck off."
"Hey, don't tell your sister to fuck off, ya little bastard!" Stuart ordered before realizing who he was talking to, "Oh shit… Sorry, it's the coat."
Wendy shook her head and looked at the time, "Come on Karen, we're gonna be late for school." she said before grabbing to paper bags out of the refrigerator and handing one to the younger girl.
Karen smiled as she took the bag, "I'm sorry for calling you New-Kenny." she said
The older girl returned the smile, "That's okay." she accepted, "Now come on, let's get to school."
"Sure thing, Better-Kenny." Karen agreed as they made their way out the door. The two had walked a little past the train tracks before Karen opened her mouth again, "You seriously don't see it?"
"See what?" Wendy asked, her voice muffled by the hood of her boyfriend's parka that she had put up once they got outside.
The younger girl shook her head, "You smell like his weed, you sleep in his bed, you're dressed in his clothes, and you still think you're doing fine without him? I can't even tell the difference between you two anymore!"
Wendy reached under the hood and pulled out her beret, putting it on top where it was visible, "Better?"
"Now you just look like someone's weird fan art of your kid!" (Someone go draw that), "Face it Wendy, you're just as much a wreck without him as he is without you."
"You're reading way to much into this" Wendy stated as the two of them joined Bebe at the bus stop.
"Hey Kenny, hey Karen, have you seen Wendy?" Bebe asked.
"Are you fucking serious?" the girl muffled through the coat.
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It was high noon when all the boys in the yard gathered to watch the brawl, prisoners and guards alike all crowded to see Kenny and Trent go at it, "Come on dude, just think about it! Sure, a fight's all well and good, but a game of chess? Now that's how you settle shit!" Kenny offered.
Trent shook his head, "Ya ain't smartassin' your way outta this, this ends now!" he asserted.
The teenager sighed before stretching out a little, "Alright, but I've gotta warn you, they don't call me The Great Keanu for nothing."
"The fuck's that even mean?!" the other boy questioned.
"I do not know." he admitted, "But don't think I'm gonna go easy on you just because we're friends."
"We're not friends!"
"Reverse psychology's not gonna save you now." the boy stated, 'Okay, just keep him talking and you might get out of this unscath- Nope, he's coming toward me. Shit, shit, SHIT!'
Kenny found himself wrapped in a headlock within moments. Thinking fast, he located his opponent's liver and slammed his fist into it as hard as he could, knocking the wind out of him and loosening his grip.
The boy managed to flip Trent over his shoulder, eliciting a loud roar from the surrounding crowd as Kenny pinned the other teenager to the ground, "Ya know, I'm willing to let this go if you are." he offered.
"I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!"
"Oh wow, never heard that one before.", Trent answered Kenny's sarcasm with a well placed headbutt to the face, knocking him to the ground where he proceeded to punch the absolute fuck out of him. After about thirty seconds of the onslaught, Kenny pulled one of his arms loose and clawed into his opponent's eyes, blinding him long enough to kick him off. Shuffling to his feet Kenny looked around for anything that could give him an advantage, "Why's there never a random brick laying around when I need it?" he questioned.
Their brief armistice didn't last long however when Kenny was once again tackled to the ground by the furious convict, "Any last words?" he asked as he gripped the boy's throat.
'Holy shit, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna… Oh yeah, death doesn't mean shit to me." the boy realized, "Actually, if he does kill me then I get to go home early, I'll get to see Wendy sooner! He gets his revenge, everyone's happy! Okay, last words, gotta be something tough, like in an action movie… Then again, if he kills me they'll probably extend his sentence, this could be the last time I ever see him.' Kenny thought for a moment before deciding on his last words, "Dude, I am so fucking sorry." he choked out.
Trent stared down at his opponent, watching as the life slowly drained from his eyes before loosening his grip, "Seriously?"
Kenny nodded, "Seriously."
The seasoned convict took a moment to catch his breath, "Alright." he said with a nod, getting up to brush himself off.
'What the- No, NO!' Kenny began to mentally panic, "Aren't you gonna kill me?" he questioned.
Trent shook his head, "Nah, we're good."
'Come on dude, don't do this shit to me. KILL ME! KILL ME!' Kenny thought to himself, "But I ruined your life, don't you wanna end mine in return?" he practically begged.
The other boy thought about it for a moment, "Nope. I kicked your ass and got a genuine apology, that's all I ever really wanted." he explained before walking away.
Kenny made his way to his feet, not believing what just happened, 'Un-fucking-believable.' he thought to himself. 'Screw it, there's more than one way to die in jail.' he considered before addressing the crowd "I'VE GOT HALF A PACK OF CIGARETTES FOR ANYONE WITH THE BALLS TO KILL ME!" he shouted.
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Wendy woke up the next morning accompanied by a feeling that had become alien to her since she'd started sleeping in Kenny's bed. Warmth, in what had to have been utter defiance toward some law of nature, Kenny's usually freezing room had felt exceptionally warm.
"Wends?"
"Yeah Kenny?"
"What the fuck are ya doing in my room?" he asked.
"Just keeping your bed warm until you get back." she answered. Suddenly, she came to her senses and jerked her body around to face the bed's other occupant, "What are you doing here?! You're not supposed to be out until the end of the week!"
The boy shrugged, "Well they say death is the ultimate freedom."
"Who says that?"
"Immortals and suicidal people." the boy answered, "But enough about me, let's talk about the fact that you're apparently sleeping in my bed wearing nothing but a pair of panties and my coat…" he said with a suggestive grin as he pulled her in close, "And how we can make it a regular occurance."
Wendy giggled "Save it loverboy. We've got plans today."
"Plans for what?" the boy questioned.
"Isn't it obvious?" she asked, "We're going to go pay Cartman a little visit."
A/N: Miss me? I know I would. Anyway, welcome back to the Kendy fic that's probably not anyone's favorite but it updates often enough that ya stick around. And my oh my, this ol' chappy boy took a while to come out, wouldn't you say? Well, that's just because I spent a while getting your Christmas present ready! Which I certainly hope you'll all love when it comes out on December 25th and not a day before! Gotta be patient here people.
Anyway, let me know if this chapter sucked or ruled with a review, and I'll see you next time! (Whenever that is)
