Chloe had forgotten how humid Georgia could be, that suffocating feeling of dead heat that just seemed to smother those who weren't natives and accustomed to the higher temperatures' day in day out. But it wasn't so much the heat that was making the palms of her hands sweat, but more the proximity to Beca.
The familiar sight of the military hospital loomed over her as she stepped out of the cab, engulfing her in a shadow that momentarily relieved her of the heat from the city. Hiking the strap of her handbag up onto her shoulder, she jogged up the steps and made her way through the grand entrance and to the elevator. The once familiar trek still embedded in her mind.
Once she reached her designated floor she stepped out into the corridor and headed for the nurses' station, not wanting to assume that Beca was still in the same room she had been in the last time Chloe had been there. Stepping up to desk, her demeanour clearly emphasising that she was unsure of herself and caught the eye of the nurse at the station, a nurse she hasn't seen before.
"Hi, I'm looking for Beca Mitchell?" she asked timidly.
The nurse, an African American woman who looked to be about middle aged grinned at her, her eyes shimmering with a knowing look through the lenses of her thick framed glasses.
"Oh I know who you are sweetheart, you look just as she descried. She's expecting you. She's finishing up with the physio right now but she told me to set you up in the family room," the woman 'Gloria' said, Chloe managing to catch her name displayed on the tag pinned to her scrubs. Gloria stepped out from around the desk with a clipboard in hand and gestured for Chloe to follow her.
The redhead fell into step next to her down the corridor, she knew where the family room was, but considering the nurse was taking time out of her day to be helpful, Chloe couldn't bring herself to dismiss her. Plus, she kind of liked the distraction of having someone else to focus on for a minute.
"She talks about me?" Chloe asked.
"Mhmm, said you were this pretty little redhead with these big ol' beautiful, soulful eyes and a cute smile and the biggest heart she's ever known. Hell by the time she was done talking about you I wanted to date you myself," Gloria laughed.
Stepping into the family room, which was conveniently vacant of any other people, Gloria stepped up to the built-in kitchenette in the corner of the room and pulled down a clean mug from the overhead cabinet.
"Grab yourself a coffee while you wait, she shouldn't be much longer."
Chloe thanked her and watched as Gloria left to carry on with her work. Not really needing the caffeine, but too nervous to relax, she went through the motions of making a cup purely to keep herself distracted.
Once her coffee was made, she took a seat in one of the cushy armchairs by the large floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the city, placing her handbag on the ground beside her, and took in the landscape views before her. It only occurred to her in that moment that for all the time she had spent in Georgia when Beca came home, she never actually explored the place.
Dipped in and out of coffee shops and take out places, visited a local park to clear her head sure, but for the most part she had spent all her time between the apartment she had been renting and the hospital. She was almost sorrowful that she hadn't taken the time to get to know the place better and explore with her camera.
Lost in her internal musings, Chloe was interrupted by the sound of metal tapping against the ground, but it wasn't incessant, it was slow and steady, like the sound of multiple crutches tapping against the ground as they made impact.
Glancing up, Chloe was stunned into silence by the sight of Beca, her full prosthetic limbs on display under her work out shorts, taking careful steps towards Chloe, her hands keeping a firm grip on the walking frame that was helping to support her.
Each move was careful and practiced. Beca would move the frame on a little and then quite literally move one foot, then the other, her gait almost robotic in how she managed the prosthetic limbs. But it was too be expected and over time as she mastered how to walk with her new limbs, her stride would become more natural and self-assured.
Seeing Beca standing, walking, Chloe couldn't help the sob that escaped her at the sight before her very eyes. She never anticipated the former soldier making this much progress in such a short period of time, but that had always been Beca. Exceling at everything she turned her hand to and managing to exceed even her own expectations at times when she put her mind to something.
"Bec's" Chloe gasped as she stood up, tears welling in her eyes, a couple of traitorous ones escaping and rolling down her cheek as she waited with all the patience in the world for the woman to make it to the other side of the room.
A nurse came in behind pushing Beca's wheelchair, placing it to the side of the area where Chloe was seated and excused herself from the room, Beca thanking her as she left. When Beca finally made it to the armchair opposite Chloe, she positioned her walking frame slightly ahead of herself with a bit of distance between herself and the chair. Enough for her to reach out behind her with her arm.
Chloe watched as Beca leaned forward towards the walking frame, one hand on the frame, the other on the arm of the chair, angling her body so that her prosthetics began to straighten as she lowered herself into the chair. As Beca's legs came into contacted with the seated part of the chair, the knees of the prosthetics began to bend until her feet were flat to the floor.
Once seated, she moved the walking frame to the side and placed a cushion behind her back so that she was more comfortable. Chloe eventually pulled herself out of her reverie and took up her position seated across from her.
"You're walking," she managed to get out with a smile, voice cracking with emotion. Beca smiled shyly hands fidgeting in her lap.
"I mean I wouldn't exactly call it walking, more like awkwardly shuffling whilst trying not to fall over," she chuckled in a manner that clearly displayed her self-deprecating tone. Chloe shook her head.
"Don't, don't do that, don't sell yourself short," Chloe said, brow furrowed in seriousness, "you're walking Bec's, that's amazing," she gushed, the pride she felt for the woman she loved so clearly evident on her face. Beca nodded her head.
"Thanks Chlo," was her whispered response, then her gaze flicked down to her legs and she gestured to them, bringing the redheads gaze down to her new prosthetics.
"So what do you think? Do they make me look badass?" Beca asked jokingly and Chloe giggled.
"You were always badass, this just proves it."
Both women smiled at one another for a long moment, as if committing to memory something they were fearful they would forget, but both just as at a loss as to how to proceed. Eventually Chloe decided to take the lead. Beca had been the one to offer the olive branch by asking her to come down to Georgia. The least she could do is be brave enough to start the conversation.
"How have you been?" she asked, sitting back in her chair to give them both a chance to relax. She didn't want the entire exchange to feel tense. She wanted them both to feel like they could be open and engage. That there would be no more secrets.
Beca swallowed around the nervous lump in her throat, gazing out over the city skyline for a moment, taking in the sunshine and mulling over the multiple thoughts in her head before nodding and turning her attention back to Chloe.
"Good…. I mean not good…," she said, stumbling over her own words trying to work out what she meant, "I mean, I'm better now. Before was, a lot to process," Beca managed and Chloe nodded in understanding, listening intently.
"I've uh, I've been talking to the counsellor, about you, about us," Beca quickly clarified, not wanting Chloe to feel like she had just spent her time venting about her to someone who was essentially a stranger to the redhead.
"It helped me work through some stuff that was getting in the way."
Chloe inhaled a deep breath through her nose, nodding her head at what Beca said while silently trying to force down the wave of anxiety that was simmering beneath the surface.
"This thing with you and Chicago….." Beca started but Chloe couldn't contain herself at the mention of his name, she had to say her piece.
"Bec's the whole thing with Chicago was a stupid mistake that I've regretted every day of my life. I didn't love him I never could I….," Chloe blurted out but Beca just raised her hands in a manner that asked her to calm down.
"I understand," Beca said before shaking her head, "at least I'm trying to."
At this Chloe seemed to release a sigh of relief and Beca noticed it.
"When you told me about you and Chicago I was so angry," Beca said voice cracking with emotion.
"To think that after everything thing he had done, everything he had put me, our squadron through, that he got to be the one to hold you and love you, plan a future with you, it killed me," Beca cried.
Chloe herself sobbed at this, raising a hand to her mouth in a bid to try and stop herself from breaking, but Beca just continued on.
"I felt betrayed. Betrayed by him, betrayed you. Of all the people in the world you could've moved on with it had to be him and I couldn't let go of that. I couldn't let go of the fact that the guy who is responsible for all of this, also got to be the keeper of the one thing I loved most."
Lowering her head, Beca allowed her tears to consume her for a moment, allowed the pain and hurt to flow freely instead of pushing them down and as she did, Chloe consumed all of that pain and anguish herself. Wanting nothing more than to heal the woman before her. To heal whatever was broken between them.
"I realise now that we were both betrayed. By him. That we were both hurt for his gain," Beca said, and her words had Chloe sitting up straighter, wiping away her tears and breathing more deeply than she had been able to for a while.
For the first time, Beca was acknowledging that Chicago was to blame. That Chloe was merely another pawn in his chess game and she couldn't describe the sense of relief that brough her.
Beca wiped at her eyes, trying now to control her emotions before she became overwhelmed by them.
"I've been thinking about our situation, putting myself in your shoes, trying to see things from your perspective, which, you know, isn't easy when you've spent two years being tortured," Beca chuckled bitterly.
Chloe dipped her head at this, somewhat shamefully. It was easy at times to sort of gloss over what Beca had been through because no one but Beca lived it, experienced it, survived it. Sure, they could see the physical reminders of it every time they looked at her, but the actual time Beca spent in captivity, what she experienced daily, the beatings, the trauma, it was all a far-off thought none of them could ever even comprehend.
They could try, sure, but thinking it and living it were two completely different things, making it easier for everyone else to get on with things and focus on other stuff.
But for Beca, a huge part of her was still in that place and always would be, a place where time stood still while the rest of the world moved on. Chloe could understand from that perspective how dealing with something like this would be difficult for her because for Beca, she was having to catch up on two years of life she didn't get to live. But this just made Chloe even more grateful that Beca was willing to try.
"I get it, I get you had to move and keep living your life and that's exactly what I would've wanted for you. It's just…..it's him," Beca grunted out.
It was like every time she had to acknowledge his existence that hatred that raged inside bubbled to the surface.
"Seven billion people in this world and it had to be him. The thought of him kissing you, touching you it makes my skin crawl," Beca said, her body physically shuddering at the thought as she swallowed thickly, brow furrowed in annoyance and Chloe interjected.
"Do you think I enjoyed it? Do you think if I had the choice that I would've chosen him?" she shot back edging closer to the edge of her seat so she was staring Beca in the eye.
"Every single time he so much as held my hand I prayed to God it was you. Every time he kissed me, every single time he thought we were making love, I wanted it to be you," Chloe cried, "nothing felt right, everything was forced. Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep after sex? How many times I showered and rubbed my skin raw because I felt dirty and cheap. Because I felt like I was betraying you?".
Beca shook her head as she wiped at her eyes.
"Then why did you do it?" she asked and Chloe snapped.
"BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OKAY!" she shouted, "I was scared of what I would do if I didn't keep moving forward, I was scared of being in this world without you," Chloe sobbed.
At this Beca's resolve seemed to break and she hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it over Chloe's, the redhead instinctively flipping it over so that she could grip hold of it for comfort.
"I thought that at least if it was him, it would be easier somehow because he was the only connection I had left to you. The only one who I thought could understand what you had been through."
As a silence swept over them, they couldn't help but feel like a shift was happening and that a weight was being lifted.
"I get it," Beca said, breaking the tension between them," Being scared, I get it. More than you'll ever know. But I don't want us to be scared anymore, I don't want you to be scared anymore."
Chloe watched on questioningly as Beca removed the chain from around her neck, a St. Christopher pendent dangling from it for protection and right next to it, Chloe's engagement ring. She watched as Beca opened the clasp and removed the ring before placing the chain back around her neck.
Beca gazed down at the ring between her thumb and pointer finger and regarded it deeply as she carefully thought through her next words.
"I'm not saying we can go back to the way things were, too much has happened and we're not the same people we were, but maybe, we could try starting over and creating something new," Beca suggested, finally looking into Chloe's eyes, the redhead openly sobbing as she nodded furiously.
Beca lifted Chloe's right hand and slipped the ring on her finger, the redhead watching her questioningly.
"I know this is an engagement ring, but right now it's a promise, that we're both going to work on ourselves and on this and, if we're ready, maybe then we can look at putting it back where it belongs. One step at a time kind of deal," Beca explained.
Chloe nodded at this, understanding where Beca was coming from. They both had a lot of healing ahead of them, Beca especially. It would be unfair of Chloe to just assume that everything would go back to the way it was. But maybe this was better. Maybe a fresh start was what they both needed. A do over of sorts.
Regarding Beca for a moment, Chloe reached out and cupped her cheek in the palm of her hand, and then, throwing caution to the wind, she leaned in and kissed her. It wasn't a full-on kiss nor was it anything suggestive of wanting more. Just a light, gentle reminder that Chloe was all in. When Chloe's thirst was sufficiently satisfied, she pulled back from the kiss and rested her forehead against Beca's
"While we're being upfront and honest, I want you to know that I want us, always. And whatever we have to do to rebuild and get to that place I'll do it, all of it. I'm not letting us go Bec's," Chloe said, fingers stroking Beca's cheek, and the brunette smiled softly at her as she replied.
"Good. Cause I don't wanna let us go either."
