Thank you for the reviews.
And I am back... well for the Wednesday Works for this month. Is anyone else concerned about how it is already April?
Back to this. And I did say last time that this was a bit of a two-parter. And it has been mentioned how Jane and Sally became estranged from their families. But this might still hurt...
The Bad
Jane
It had been a family event.
It was the last family event that Jane was going to attend.
Admittingly, it was in a pub but, usually, once the Sutton's took over the local, everyone else kept to one side or decided that maybe they would have a pint at home that night.
And Jane was watching the clock. Counting down the hours until she wasn't going to be in London anymore. Counting down to the moment her and Amanda were going to leave everything in the past. They were going to take this opportunity with both hands and make the most of it.
She only left the pub because Uncle Keith had run out of cigarettes and she had wanted to make a good impression as she wanted to leave early. Going to get her uncle cigarettes was always a tick in the right box.
And she also got herself a box, mainly to help her calm her nerves. She didn't smoke often. In fact, it was a habit that she was trying to get out of. Her parents hated it and she thought that it was going to be the only time that she was going to fall out with her parents when they gave her a long rant about smoking.
The shop was a long enough walk away that Jane knew that she could have a cigarette in the time that it took her to walk back to the pub.
She just didn't expect to see a familiar face before she got back.
"Jane!" Claire shouted from the other side of the road.
Jane hadn't wanted to stop. The pub wasn't far away and she knew that a couple of key people hadn't turned up yet. If she was seen talking to Claire Glover of all people, then Jane was scared of what everyone would think. Meaning that she definitely ducked away when Claire went for a kiss.
"Not here." Jane hissed. "Family event. Everyone is coming to the pub."
"Jane, you've got to tell them at some point."
Jane knew that she didn't. Jane knew that she was running away so that it never got to that stage. She wasn't telling them. Her parents would be the only ones that she would feel comfortable telling now that Amanda knew. But they weren't going to know. Because Jane was leaving. And she hadn't told Claire that. And wasn't going to. A letter posted later would tell Claire that they were no longer together and that Jane had left her for good.
"I would like to choose in my own time," Jane said.
"Jane, it's fine," Claire said, raising her hand to cup her cheek, something that Jane ducked away from again. "Look, whether it happens now or in a couple of weeks time, their reaction is just going to be the same." She said, sounding very annoyed. "Get it over and done with and then I can be with you properly. Who cares if they don't accept you?"
"I do," Jane said, shocked by Claire's bluntness. "They are my family. They aren't as open as yours."
Claire, then, managed to catch her off guard, grabbing her by the neck and kissing her. It would hit Jane later that Claire had probably noticed James and Michelle coming and had decided to jump Jane to get her out in the open. And it did take Jane a moment to realise what had happened and it took her a moment more to realise that she shouldn't have really been kissing Claire back. But it was too late when Jane did push Claire off of her. Because a hand landed on her shoulder and turned her before she could say anything.
"What the fuck are you doing?" James said.
"I… I ummm…" Jane stuttered, unable to look at her cousin.
"You can piss off, you fucking dyke." He said when he turned to Claire before he turned back to Jane. "Are you a fucking dyke as well?"
She had always been on the other side of James' anger. The right side she supposed. There wasn't a lot that scared Jane but her cousin having a tight grip on her shoulder and glaring down at her did.
"J-J-James, I can explain," Jane said.
"Is there anything wrong with that then, James?" Claire asked.
"Fuck off!" Jane shouted at the same time James did.
Just by the look on Claire's face, Jane knew that it hadn't gone quite how she planned it to. And Jane was glad that she did actually leave. She was not glad when James started to march her down the street to the pub.
"James, please," Jane begged the whole way there.
She should have been smart enough to come up with an excuse in the time it got to the pub. But there was no real excuse to what James and Michelle had seen. There was no way that Jane could make it something that it wasn't.
"Jane?" Her mum said as she was marched past the table that they were at.
"Please?" Jane tried one last time before they stopped in front of their grandparents and Uncle Keith.
"She's a dyke." James said.
The mood in the pub shifted and the whole place went silent in an instant. There was not a friendly face in sight as Jane looked around for one. Their rather traditional family was never going to take it well.
"What proof do you have, James?" Her dad said, being one of the only people that Jane thought would help her out.
"We've just seen her with Claire Glover. And they were kissing. Weren't they Michelle?" James said.
"Yeah, they were," Michelle said, even though Jane was throwing her a look to ask her not to confirm it.
"Well, Jane?" Her grandfather said. "I'm sure you have an explanation for this."
"I-I-I do."
"Well?" He paused long enough to give her a chance to speak. "Jim Glover's granddaughter is a rather… loud and proud dyke. Why would she kiss you if you aren't one as well?"
"I'm not, Granddad. It's just been… a misunderstanding."
"Of what type?"
"Dad, leave her alone." Her mum said, coming up to pull her out of James' grip. "If she says she isn't one, then she isn't. Jane doesn't lie."
"It seems like she is. Because she is a dyke, Grace."
"Would that be the end of the world? I think she has shown this family enough loyalty over the years for it to make a difference."
"I forgot how soft you had become, Gracey." Uncle Keith said.
"I don't know what you mean, Keith."
"Two words. Alexander Grey."
Her mum let out a small laugh. "This isn't getting soft. This is moving with the times, recognising that we weren't right in acting that way. It's not illegal and it isn't wrong."
"Enough." Her grandfather said, slamming his hand down on the table, making Jane jump. "I want her to tell us the truth."
Once the tears had started for Jane, it wasn't easy to stop them. And even with her mum's arm around her shoulders, she couldn't find the strength to continue the battle. She was leaving anyway.
"It is true," Jane muttered. "I'm gay. And I've been dating Claire for the last ten months."
Jane didn't understand why she was being grabbed again, least of all by her father in the way that she was grabbed. And his face of thunder was definitely one that she had never seen on him before. Maybe they wouldn't take it as well as Jane thought that they would.
"Miles?" Her mum said, after the front door was closed and Jane found herself being pushed into the dining room.
Jane found herself looking at her parents, still unable to comprehend how they had taken it so badly. As her mum had said, Jane thought that they had moved with the times. Maybe her mum had but her dad hadn't.
"Leave out of this, Grace." Her dad said before he walked into the dining room, slamming the door shut.
Jane had never seen her father looking so angry. It was uncharacteristic for him to be angry. He was always more disappointed in her than angry. If anything, that scared her more than her uncle or cousins.
"Dad?" She said, unsure about what he was going to say.
"Tell me you are lying." He said.
"About?"
"About being gay and Claire bloody Glover."
As much as she would have loved to have done that, part of her didn't want to go backwards. Now that she was out to her family, she didn't want to go back to hiding herself. Maybe she had just realised how much she was lying to herself. This was the truth that she wanted to live. Even if it hurt like hell.
"I can't, Dad. I wish I could but I can't."
"This must be some sort of joke, Jane."
"It isn't."
"This isn't the way to rebel." He shouted. "If you want out from the family, then it's too late. Your mother and I have tried our hardest to keep you out but you decided that you wanted to be in. What do they want you to do?"
"Nothing, Dad. It isn't like that."
"Well, you aren't going to get fucking out this way."
Jane was stunned for a moment, having never heard her father swear before. The reason she swore like a sailor was because of how much time she had spent around the other members of her family. It felt strange to hear him say it.
"Dad, I-I don't… I don't understand." Jane said.
She expected his gaze to soften but it didn't. She didn't recognise him. The loving man that raised her was no longer there. She just couldn't understand it. Why the only man she knew that she could ever love had changed as he had done.
"You don't understand?" He said, walking towards her. "I don't know what you have to not understand."
"Well…"
"Well, what?"
"Well, I thought you would take it better than this. I love her, Dad. Well… things are probably quite complicated now between me and Claire but up until today, I did… or I thought I loved her. I love her like you love Mum. You keep talking about when I get a husband and I sit there and cringe because it isn't what I want. I want a wife."
Jane expected that, at some point, her father would calm down. But he hadn't yet and Jane was very worried that he never would.
So his hand coming up under her chin, pinning her by her neck to the wall behind her, was more than a surprise. She had never been so afraid in her life. And she had spent a lot of time around her Granddad and Uncle Keith.
"You fucking dyke." He shouted. "After everything that we've done, you go and do this. This is how you repay us. Maybe we should have raised you like your cousins. Maybe then you wouldn't have been a poof. My daughter. A fucking bender!"
Jane couldn't see her dad through the tears. This was certainly not how she thought that he would be. And if he didn't say the next thing, then she was going to go anyway.
"Get out of my house." He said as he let go of her neck.
She didn't even nod. She just pushed herself away from the wall and ran up the stairs to grab the packed bag. And she would have had to wait around for Amanda to finish work but when she saw Danny's car around where Amanda worked, then she knew that she didn't want to find out if the news had spread. Especially when she knew that Danny wanted to show his worth. There were no tellings to what he could do to her if he did know.
Jane had to do the last thing that she wanted to do.
She had to leave without Amanda.
Grace didn't recognise her husband. If it had been her dad or Keith in the room, then she could understand why what was being said was being said. But Miles wasn't like her dad or brother. That was why she loved and married him. Because she didn't want to be a part of the family anymore and he seemed keen to give her a way out. Until that day, she couldn't find a reason not to love Miles.
But hearing what he was saying and then hearing Jane slam the front door was the only time that she wondered if she had made a mistake.
It filled her with a rage that she hadn't been filled with since she had met Miles. A rage that she knew filled Jane at times.
"What the fuck was that?" Grace said.
"Grace," Miles said, keeping his back to her.
"She is our daughter. Our only child. You… You are more tolerant than that."
"Grace."
"I expected that from Dad or Keith. Not you."
"Grace!" He shouted as he turned to her. "I had to."
Her heart broke at the look on his face and how red his eyes were. He was holding onto one of the dining table chairs so hard that it was causing his arm to shake. For someone who had just thrown their only child out, he did look equally guilty and sad.
"I don't understand, Miles," Grace said, softly.
"I love her, Grace."
"Didn't sound like it."
"I love her so much that I can't allow your father and brother to get their claws into her. You know what they would have done if she stuck around. They would have tried to make her someone that she isn't. They would have bullied her into being like us." He screwed his eyes closed as the tears started to make their way down his face. "I would rather her hate me for the rest of her life than for her to hate herself."
"That isn't fair on her or you."
Miles opened his eyes. "The other way is less fair. I've always tried to keep her safe, Gracey. This is the only way that I can do it this time. I would have loved her. And any girl that she decided to bring home. I just… It isn't fair, Grace. But I would consider the alternative to be far worse."
Grace found herself walking over to her husband, bringing him into her arms. She knew that it would take her a couple of days to work out that what he was saying was right but, in that moment, she didn't really understand why she was comforting him. It would be something that they wouldn't get over for a while.
All Grace knew was that she had lost her little girl in the worst way possible.
Sally
"I'm going to do it."
Jane was looking at Sally in complete disbelief. "Going to do what?" She asked.
"I'm going to come out to my family."
"Why?"
Sally smiled as she dropped down next to Jane on the sofa, taking her hand in hers. "They are going to ask questions as to why I want to move out. It seems better to tell them the truth."
"What? That you are moving in with your girlfriend and her cousin?"
"I don't want to hide anymore, Jane. Amy took it well."
"But you've told me that both your dad and brother are homophobic bastards. I can't see it going well, Sally. Look at me. I thought my dad was going to take it a hell of a lot better than he did." Jane cupped her cheek. "There is no rush. None whatsoever."
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"This isn't that type of situation, Sally."
Sally pulled back from Jane. "I thought you would be more supportive."
She watched as Jane sighed before she pulled her hands down her face. And Sally was being truthful. She did think that Jane would be more supportive.
"I just don't want you to get hurt," Jane said. "You know that there is a high chance that they are going to take it badly. I just… don't understand why you would want to tell them."
"Because I don't want the choice to be taken out of my hands. Jane, everyone found out at work because of the raid on that club and I couldn't stand there and watch someone being beaten up by someone who was meant to protect him. How much longer do you really think I can keep this a secret for? How much longer until… Mum and Dad see us out together? Or worse, Max and his friends?"
Jane bit her lip. "Okay, fair point. But…"
"Why is there a but?" Sally said, interrupting her.
"But I don't want you getting hurt. Sally… just because it is you, it doesn't mean that they are going to take it any better. No matter how much they love you, it doesn't mean that they are automatically going to change their views on it. I think they are better off not knowing. Or just tell your mum if you think that she is going to take it well enough. I hate the thought of you getting hurt by the people who love you most."
"Don't you fall into that category?"
Jane smiled. "I am trying my hardest not to hurt you."
"Jane… this is all going to be on my own terms and I have got a backup plan if it doesn't go the way I hope. Haven't I?"
"Why would I ask you to come to live with me to then throw you out?"
Sally could tell that Jane was still very apprehensive over her plans and she could see why. Jane had always thought that her parents would take the news well and her dad didn't. But it was the other part of Jane's coming out story that Sally was worried about, especially as it had already happened at work. She wanted the control over when her family found out. She just hoped that it would go better than she thought it would.
Sally wasn't stupid.
She waited until the end of the meal, when they were still all around the table, to say something. And with her saying that there was something that she wanted to tell everyone, they stayed at the table. Well her dad and brother did while her, her mum and Amy cleared the table. And it was as Sally was in the kitchen with Amy that she said something.
"I'm going to tell them," Sally whispered.
"Are you mad?" Amy said.
Sally shook her head. "I don't want the choice to be taken from me."
She didn't allow Amy to argue it further, with her leaving the kitchen as her mum was about to enter it again. And as sure as she was that she didn't want the choice to be taken away from her, Sally was very unsure about doing it. Mainly because all of her outside support hadn't been as supportive as she thought that they would be.
James had taken a similar stance as Jane. In that, he was surprised that she was going to do it and quite apprehensive about her doing it. It was making her have second thoughts about it. But she knew that she hated how her work had found out. She didn't want a repeat of that.
So maybe it didn't help when she returned to the table, everyone was looking at her.
And she became rather apprehensive about what was going to happen.
"You had something to tell us." Her dad said.
"Yeah," Sally said. "I ummm… going to move out."
"Move out?" Her mum said. "I thought that you didn't like the police accommodation."
"I'm not moving into police accommodation. I'll be doing what I am doing here. Staying there when I need to be there and being at home… or my new home when I don't."
"How are you affording it?" Her dad asked. "You don't earn that well and you don't have lots of savings."
"I'm sharing it. With two other people."
"Not James I hope."
"What's so wrong with James?"
"What's right about James?" Max muttered.
"No, what is wrong with him? He is my best friend."
"I thought he was your boyfriend." Max started to laugh. "Okay, who has he been covering for then?"
"Can't he be my best friend and my boyfriend?" Sally said, realising that she would have to go ahead with her plans now.
"Who's your boyfriend? Who are you moving in with?"
She was building herself up for it. This was it. This was the moment that she had chosen rather than them finding out by a different means. She just didn't quite get there.
"Jack," Amy said. "You said that his name was Jack."
Sally turned to her sister and was sure that she was doing it because she was worried about how they were going to take it. And Amy looked like she was silently begging her not to do it. Not because Amy didn't support her. It was because Amy didn't want her to get hurt.
Maybe it was a shame that Sally had made up her mind.
"No, it's not," Sally said. "Her name is Jane. And she is my girlfriend."
The silence that followed was unbearable and Sally almost ran up the stairs to grab her stuff together before the shock wore off.
Her mum seemed to recover first, giving her a small smile. Even though she wasn't dreading her mum's reaction, it still felt like a sigh of relief when it seemed like she had taken the news well.
It was just her dad and Max's reactions and they were the two that she was dreading the most. And it felt like for good reason as Max's expression darkened with each moment that passed until he pushed himself out of his chair in such a rage that the chair toppled over and hit the floor as he left the room, running up the stairs.
That broke her dad out of his shock.
"Jane?!" He shouted.
"Yes, Dad. Jane. And she is a girl." Sally said.
"You're a dyke!"
"Roger." Her mum said.
"If you want to call me that, then yeah, I am," Sally said.
"Who is this Jane?" Her dad said, standing up from his chair in a similar fashion to Max. "She's fucking turned you. I want to give her a piece of my mind."
Sally could sense her dad's mood, hence why she didn't remain sitting for very long. And she found herself walking backwards as her dad started to walk towards her. The last thing that she expected was for Amy to stand between.
"Dad, calm down," Amy said.
"Did you know? Or did she lie to you about Jack?" He said.
"Jane is Jack. Sally has just been calling her Jack so that she could say that she was dating someone without coming out. Dad, please, she is still Sally. She is still your daughter."
"No daughter of mine is going to go around kissing girls. This Jane has brainwashed her and I want to put her in her place."
"Good luck," Sally said. "Because if you ever come across Jane, she is going to hit you just as hard as you hit her."
There was this staring contest between them that was only broken when a loud thud sounded at the bottom of the stairs. Sally turned to see what was happening, seeing a bag at the bottom of the stairs that was quickly followed by two more before Max made a reappearance.
"I assume she is out," Max said. "Other than that, I have a mate that can put her right."
"What if I'm not wrong, Max?" Sally said.
"We could hit it out of them, Dad. Couldn't we?" He said, looking right over Sally's head.
"I'm not wrong!" Sally shouted. "Nor is Jane. We are both gay and I am falling in love with her."
Sally didn't have much time to react as her dad grabbed her arm roughly, dragging her out of the dining room and pushing her out of the front door. The bags that Max had packed for her quickly followed and she stood on the doorstep of her family home, knowing exactly what was happening.
"You are a disgrace." Her dad hissed. "My eldest? You should have never been born."
The door slamming in her face hurt more than his words. And Sally blinked back the tears as she collected up the bags and started to make her way back to Jane's. Or, now, home.
By the time she got back to Jane's, Sally was numb. She was sure that her reply of 'I'm okay' wasn't convincing when Jane asked how she was.
Maybe she should have allowed the tears to fall as she walked away from her childhood home.
Whatever was happening between Jane and Rachel blended into the background. She was sure that it was something to do with alcohol and how Rachel was doing so well in not drinking not to ruin it all now. It had been a constant argument between them. And one that Sally didn't really care for at the moment.
She assumed that Jane had worked out what had happened when she brought Saly into a tight hug and placed a kiss in her hair.
"Sally, I'm sorry," Jane said.
"What have you got to be sorry about?" Sally said, her voice cracking on every word. "You tried to warn me. I knew that they weren't going to take it well."
"But you hoped that they would. And that is what makes it worse. That thought that they could take it well to find out that they won't."
"My dad said that I should never have been born."
"Yeah, well, I am glad that you were."
Sally pulled herself a little closer to Jane. "Does it get easier?"
"No." Jane paused for a moment. "You just care less about the words and you realise that they are just one or two of loads of people that are never going to accept you as who you are. But it will always hurt the most. Because they were the ones you loved the most."
Well, now I've got you. Sally thought as she finally let all her emotions out. And I hope that I never have to let you go.
