"On some level I think I always understood

That these hands of mine were clumsy not clever

And I tried to do the best that I could

But try as I might I could not bring myself to hold you

It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest

With this heart of mine that's guilty not remorseful

There is love that doesn't have a place to rest."-The Crane Wives, Never love an anchor.


Chapter 3: Never Love An Anchor

Forks, knives, and tiny, itty-bitty spoons.

All of them, staring back at me, with my frown almost curved in the reflection.

I glance back up at Jon across the table, posing his body with the instruction to straighten up and I comply, finally allowing myself to listen just a little bit more.

"-Always make sure you don't slouch, Anyway, you must always use the knife in your left hand when eating-" Jon continued to explain, picking away at the offending objects. Honestly, I wanted to throw them not only over the table but to the furthest set of draws that I could find in hell because I felt like I was in one, maybe with a matching key to lock them away in for centuries in which some sad, lonely adventurer will find my grievance in tableware and be just as disappointed when all they see is their curved and oddly shaped reflection.

What can I say, I was and am growing tired of looking at the same thing for the last few repetitive hours, I couldn't help but tap my fingers, fidget my feet, swing my legs, and twirl my hair between my hands as I hope that any second this would be over.

Yet here we are, still listening to Jon yap about the importance of etiquette in tableware since eight o'clock. It wouldn't feel so bad if it wasn't being almost one in the afternoon and the food since long gone cold. Is this what people feel like when they must redo a scene a hundred times? Repetitive hell, at least it ends with many annoyances and laughter. Welp, there is no laughter here, just a bored child and one hell of annoying tutor.

I look away, entice by the view that calls my name, like the winds that gently touch the vines of the tree leaves shake as if saying "Join us, Tyler, the weather is wonderful for a good book." And I couldn't agree more. It beckons me, like a moth to a flame and I almost felt I could drool at the idea of freedom.

A clatter takes me away from my daydreams, brought back to the view of Jon trying to pick up the cutlery he had just dropped. A sigh follows as he puts it back, he checks his pocket watch and shakes his head, as if he tires from this lesson as well. Or had there been a different motive?

"I guess that should be it for today." He gave, as if he had given up on something. I wouldn't be surprised for this was the fourth day in row of lessons on etiquette, this however has been the earliest he has let me off.

"You," I twiddle my eyes forth between him and outside. "Um, sure?"

He merely flickers his hand in a 'go.' Motion.

"Thanks Jon." I tell him, easing off the seat.

"Just," the chair squeaks, we both wince together. He finally sighs "Go already."

I could see the growing smirk growing across his cheek as I slipped out of the room, feet growing faster the further I was away from him.

The library was my first stop, picking up on of the many light novels in there. Something that had grown since my first moving here, one I'm sure Sousuke had a hand in. The only one who knew, that in orphanage one of my biggest secrets was and is my love for romantic light novels. Especially with isekai included or a world that had a dungeons and dragons setting.

Then to second destination; Freedom!

That where we found ourselves last time, right? Me sitting under an old overgrown tree, where the leaves swung towards my face and every so often, I had to bat the tassels away.

Though, with time I became distracted by my book, disappearing into another world of fantasy, following Myne as she tried to figure out how to bring books into the common population of said world so she can eventually pursue her dream of being a librarian.

I flicker the page, wanting to see what new plan awaited my beloved protagonist, when a shadow cast over the printed words. I only saw it for a second before the muted words of "oof!" and "ugh!" left our mouths, thus the impending shadow had impaled me with their body weight.

I almost, almost being key, wanted to cry, for I'm sure, I heard my page had torn slightly under the construct of commotion. Instead, I sat, stuck, motionlessly in shock.

The body groaned, before they peeled themselves from me. A body flopped beside me, where their ginger, pink hair splayed out on the grass and a smile a little too big for their chubby cheeks grew as they grab at their stomach laughing.

I felt like I want to join them too, almost as if I was infected by their own happiness. Or was it just pain reactors malfunctioning? Who cares? We began to laugh.

I cried a little inside once we stopped and noticed the book had been teared and the other child had got a paper cut across the cheek from the incident.

We didn't talk right away, as I had quickly shut the book and put it down, for fear it would further get damaged in this encounter.

It had been my first book series Sousuke had given me, a housewarming gift. I, well, kind of treasured it.

The two in that time stood back together, their pigtails of pink and blue sway as they began to whisper to each other.

"You should say sorry." the blue one said, as they dusted off the others' dress.

"Why should I?" Pink head grumbles, "it scratched my cheek as well."

Once the situation was calm, somewhat, I couldn't help but say "are you both wearing wigs?"

The book was forgotten, just the change of hair colour had caught me off guard and so did the question from me to them.

They look at each other and then back at me, as if half their conversation were spoken telepathically.

"Mum likes dressing us up." They both replied together, "so she can tell us apart."

"But didn't you just swap your wigs when we were laughing?"

"What makes you-" one began.

"You think that?" The other finished.

I rolled my eyes and decided that I had enough of the two colourful twins and pick up my book and start to walk off.

I needed to find a new, undisturbed spot.

However, that didn't stop them from tagging along. I sighed. "Why are you following me?"

They smiled. "Well, you are in our garden."

"Are you really?" I reply, looking back at the Honyaku mansion in the background. "I guess our homes look alike then."

Their gaze follows mine and with what seemed almost like a light bulb moment, they both fluster almost to the colour of one of their wigs.

All I could reply with was a smirk, as I continue to trail along the forest that was the Honyaku garden. When I first explored the garden, I had found it easy to get lost, especially since our neighbour's gardens easily melded together. The only reason I hadn't crossed over like the twins was usually because I had Jon or a member of staff watching me.

I had enough collars to the throat catches and "out of bounds" warnings that a few times I wondered if I had been reborn into some boring game world.

"Hey Hikaru," One whispers behind me, nudging the other. "Is it a boy or girl?"

I stop, a tickle of annoyance gag in my throat. I had to remind myself that these were kids behind me, that knew no better.

"It is not a word you use to call someone." I answered back, gently as I could without the upset tickling my words, before the brother could reply. "If you do not know a gender, you use words such as they, them."

They flicker their eyes back to me. "They, them?" they asked together.

"Yes, it is a gender-neutral way of talking about someone, whose gender you don't know, unless they go by those Pronouns."

"Pronouns?"

I forgot how curious children were. I turn to face them, "Pronouns are the gender someone goes by, that guy is he, him, that girl is she, her and that person is a they, them." I tried to explain.

"So what Pronouns are you?" Blue hair asked.

"That, I'm still discovering." I answer truthfully. "Most go by my birth gender, he, him but I feel more comfortable with they, them." And she, her. I add mentally.

"Oh, like us" they both answer, nodding as if they understand. Maybe they do.

"So, you go by he, him?"

One nods, the other stays in thought.

The pink one looks at the other, "I think I prefer they, them?" they reply.

I couldn't help but smile. "Be whoever you want to be, considering your mother dresses you up, means she loves you for whoever and whatever you be."

They tilt their heads at each other. "Don't your mum dress you up?"

I shook my head, because this life, I had no mum. My last mum did, she would dress up her little girl like she was her most prized treasure.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't have a mum."

"Oh" they mouth the words together.

I couldn't help but giggle at their expression.

Before we could discuss more, we get interrupted by the usually noisy staff of the Honyaku family alongside someone else.

"Kaoru, Hikaru! There you are." a soft voice calls, a lady walking beside Jon, long ginger hair and what looks to be almost too thick put-on make-up on her face.

It was obvious that she was related to the twins, especially when they replied "Mom!"

It wasn't long after that they left, having to quickly go back to the garden party they were hosting, not before being given thanks, the mom also offers me to come over. I decline, much as the twins were interesting, I did not feel ready to socialise with the rich just yet.

I listen to that voice of hers trailing away as she tells off the two, the two bickering back.

I couldn't help but be a little jealous. Just a tad. If I lie to myself long enough, I'll believe it.

That was the first time our paths had cross, and the days move onwards. The leaves started to settle onto the earth, the mud starting to glue itself onto my shoes whenever I step into the garden and the sun came about less often.

I found myself sitting inside my grandpa office, as he shows me the workings of paperwork. What had to be signed, what for and why. The letters and calls I will one day have to handle; it was almost like a 'take your kid to work day.' However, with the notion of this will be your legacy too. Something that isn't too common in the modern era, or was it because I was filtered to the poorer spectrum?

He sat at a dark wooden desk, I had been intrigued by the groves and patterns of flowers and branches that encase it corners When I first entered the room. It was a relic and well cared for and the way he lightly touches it show the seminal importance it had to him. The desk had draws filled with files of paperwork, dating so far back I couldn't help but be surprised. This type of data almost felt illegal if it wasn't for the time, I was in.

One draw had caught my eye, yet grandpa had smacked my hands at trying to touch the key that hung in it lock. "That not for you to look at." He gruff, and I understood then and there, that was a rule I couldn't get around.

Most days spent in the office was mainly left to watch Grandpa as he filled in the paperwork, explaining anything I ask questions about or felt I didn't fully understand. He smiles whenever I didn't ask a stupid question, which wasn't often surprisingly, yet it shouldn't be. Just because I had finished my education in my last life didn't mean I knew everything. I wasn't a business kid in my last and all this information was new.

Jon usually patted me on the head, complementing just how quick of a learner I was whenever we did test runs of myself filling in paperwork. It wasn't long till I was sitting beside Grandpa helping him filter through the work for him instead in between lessons and my own personal time. It wasn't until I dropped a book for thirteenth time, did Grandpa truly look at me and hired a gym tutor.

That where we met again, face muddied and huffing out dragon breath. Laughter met my ears as I pull myself up from the ground, I didn't have to see their faces to know who they were. I didn't ask as I wiped my face with my top, got myself up and once again got running for I knew if I stopped, teacher would have my head. I did not want to do another bunch of laps around the garden.

They follow beside me, sandwich between two red heads. "Hey! Not going to say hello?"

"I don't have time to," I splutter, "Teacher says I have to finish my training soon."

"The super short guy with big arms?"

I nodded "That my teacher."

"He not even that scary! He looks more like a little beetle." One comments and I had to hold my breath, the image wasn't far off.

"Y-you shouldn't say that-"

"But he has these small beady eyes! And his arms, when he tried to catch us, they move all bug like!"

"At least he not as scary as the dark one that always around you."

I found myself slipping, almost from the stuff they were saying to me. One grip my arm and yet instead of stopping the fall, push me into the other. "Hikaru! Mom told us it wrong to describe people like that." It was Kaoru who hand was around my arm. I squeak as I'm push into Hikaru arms that wrap around my waist. The two continue to bicker over my ears as I try to find words to make them stop.

They began to tug; the touch alone was tingling and strange. Those close to my physical age rarely got close to me, it felt strange, and I felt sick. The last time had been to pull my hair out.

As well, talking about the devil and they'll appear. Both teacher and Jon stood before us, not pleased by the interruption of the twins in my training. Jon was the first to move, taking me out of the two arms and into his own, gently cradling me in his arms. "Now, may I ask why you are both once again in this garden without permission?"

They stop, looking down. "We wanted to see Tyler again." The other hum in agreement.

I glance at them, not sure what to feel, I had never been great at making friends in either life. I mainly had been the type to keep to myself, even before. Less hurt that way. Before Jon could say something, I instead ask them. "Did you ask your mom?"

Their lips twitch and I knew they hadn't. I look at Jon, he understood and let me go. I turn to teacher. "That be the end of my session today due to these unique circumstances, I'll do double next week to catch up."

Teacher sigh however nodded. "You bet keep to that promise." Before leaving me with Jon.

"Jon, can you inform Rose to start a bath, get Hikori to call the twins mother and tell her where the twins are for the time being." I ordered with ease; it wasn't something I did too often, only when needed.

The twins began to freak at the mention of their mom. I turn to them, taking their hands as Jon made his phone calls. "We're going to have a wash and talk about future games, how about that?"

"W-we're not going home right away?" Kaoru said.

"Not covered in mud you're not." I answered.

And just like that, the twins became my everyday nuisances. We shared baths, libraries, and beds for the coming months. They teased and pranked me when bored of my obsessive reading, however Sousuke seem to relax when he found I had others to call friends. Grandpa learnt to the lock all doors that he didn't want the two to get their sticky fingers on.

Remember that draw I wasn't allowed to touch? Oh, they got in and brought the goods to me one late sleepover night. We open each letter each, reading the words of soft mellow words, forgotten promises and romance that once was. It had seemed funny at the time as we giggled over cheesy lines and pick-ups once written with sincerity and meaning. Twinkling lights and muffle giggles still etch in my mind, I couldn't help but feel warm. I felt happy that this time, I had reach out back.

This did earn me a ruler against the knuckles, but I couldn't help but think it was worth it.

Instead, I woke up sick.

Not the type that has you emptying yourself down the drain or the one leaving wavering in bed with a fever. No, I found myself locking the doors to my room, keeping curtains closed tight so that the sun couldn't even have the tiniest of peeks into my space. The snow had come and gone, the lights and tree long put away.

Christmas had gone by, and I didn't even feel like I lived through it. The only evidence I had was the radio that was rumbling away on a low volume. I found myself often in the mornings writing pages upon pages about people long since gone, I dreamt of them, thought of them often in passing and it hurt not having a soul to talk to about it. I compiled a book full of the person I once had been and the people I had once been surrounded by and loved, so that I would not forget them. I didn't want to forget if I could help it.

Seeing the twins and their parents spark so many memories of a family I once had over the course of our growing friendship. I couldn't keep ignoring it anymore now that the emotions and moments echo in my mind all the time when they interacted before me. I didn't dislike it, just the slithery snake of emotion would sling itself around my neck whispering You had this once, wasn't that you once upon a time?

So, I did what I do best, splatter it all into writing. Then locked it away deep into my wardrobe, where the pictures and letters were store away and covered by my fox friend.

Like I was physically locking away all that had been, but, oh, if only, if only it was that easy.

For my past me always found me when I stare grandpa down and the ruler came with a swift smack across the hand when I did my work wrong. I remember my other childhood when I would be smack for doing something unruly like jumping on my parents' bed. I didn't question it, for I thought in a way, this was no different.

Jon had said otherwise when he cleaned my wounds and cover my knuckles in SpongeBob plasters. I couldn't help thinking when my mother gentle hand once would kiss the wound and put a plaster on me, just as soft and loving as Jon had.

Hikori would sit beside me outside with his cigarette and talk about the current world politics to me as I read my book. The image of my father on the couch with his newspaper and he'll muttered "God damn Tories." as we would sit together and listened to the daily news, reflected in my mind.

The twins barter and discuss different ways to cause some sort of mayhem because everyone to them was a toy, myself included. Their snickering brought the memory of my brother who once sneaked a fake spider into my bed and awaited my scream, he was more surprised when I pick it up and said "cute." Before I rolled back over to go back to sleep. His laughter at the time died quickly into disappointment.

The twins often got similar reactions, they have been on the hunt to find something to get a reaction out me, that is of course, not book related. They learnt early not to mess with my books. They've yet to succeed.

Their only success has been making me remember that I was someone before Tyler. And that the mirror was something I was awfully afraid off.

I just want to go to bed and just forget everything.

Just for a little while and yet-

"Get up!"

"We got a new game we got to play!"

As you already got it, I have two best friends who won't let me stay still for long.


Myu: It been months I know, I been busy working full time and trying to get out of a slump. Plus, since I now live with my folks and my partner, itty bitty spaces make it harder for me to well, feel comfortable to write and to get motivation. But I'm not giving up, even if this chapter took months to get written, I done it and I'm not stopping, even if I'm at snail pace atm.

Thank you so much for all the support, follow and tabs you all have done on this, it means the world to me! There will always be more, just in slow quantities I'm afraid.