Name: Miles Edgeworth
Vehicle: Red Porsche Boxster (Edgeworth's knows what you're thinking and would like to point out that the Boxster is not a chick car. The people who say so are merely jealous that they can't afford one themselves.)
Vehicle Armor: 3/5 (Edgeworth would like to think that he doesn't need so much defense, but it would be highly illogical to take the risk.)
Vehicle Speed: 4/5 (Edgeworth likes a speedy car as much as the next guy, but he's a gentleman, not some headstrong speed demon looking out only for himself. Does he look like Franziska?)
Vehicle Handling: Very Tight (This is Edgeworth we're talking about. If he's willing to spend money on a custom-made chess board to reflect his courtroom rivalry, then he's more than willing to buy the best handling for his car that money can buy.)
Special Weapon: 5/5 (Logic Chess- Edgeworth emits a strange energy throughout the arena that increases or decreases the vehicle stats of the other contestants in relation to how logical they are on a day-to-day basis; which, given the history of Edgeworth's world, sadly makes this a very effective power.)
Bio: Greetings, my name is Miles Edgeworth, the chief prosecutor of the Los Angeles Prosecutor's Office. My job is to protect the people of my city by assigning the right prosecutor to a case, in addition to routing out all corruption I come across in both the Prosecutor's Office and Precinct. In fact, did you know that I am the first chief prosecutor at my office in the last 30 years who wasn't corrupt and/or being manipulated in some way, shape, or form? Sad, I know… If you want any specific details on just how bad it was, it can all be explained in two words: Blaise Debeste. The man not only freely permitted the use of false evidence and sullied the sanctity of the plea bargain, but also stole evidence to sell on the black market, killed or incarcerated all who would oppose him, and even partook in the assignation of a nation's president. And if that wasn't enough, years after his arrest, he was given strange powers out of the blue that he has used to torture so many innocent people for a sick television show- me, in particular! But as much as I'd like to get back at that sick, vile man, with Blaise's powers at his disposal, Gavin is the much bigger threat. Normally, I wouldn't think of partaking in a competition like this for even a moment, but after I win, it'll be like this whole nightmare never happened.
Kristoph stands off to the side of the road, his arms casually crossed with a warm, yet calm, smile on his face, a direct contrast to the cold glare and furrowed brow of the magenta-cladded prosecutor standing before him. For a few tense seconds, the two lawyers just stare into each other's eyes with nary a blink, like two cowboys in the Old West awaiting for the right moment to pull out their guns and duel to the death- the Demon Prosecutor and the Coolest Defense in the West, two legal powerhouses of contrasting morals standing face-to-face; both so different, yet scarily so similar.
The scene is scarily silent, the only source of noise created by a faint breeze that causes Kristoph's braid to gently blow in the wind like windsock. Eventually, after what feels like an eternity and a half, the host of Debauched Steel decides to be the one to break the ice.
"Glad to see that you're not one to let gender stereotypes dictate your choice of car, Mr. Edgeworth." Kristoph lightheartedly muses as he looks over at Edgeworth's sports car.
Edgeworth glowers at Kristoph. "And just what is that supposed to mean, Gavin?"
Kristoph shakes his head. "I mean no offense, Edgeworth. It's just that you're driving a Boxster, and-"
"Hold it!" Edgeworth yells while assertively pointing at the grinning host. "I am sick and tired of people assuming that the Boxster is a chick car, a rainbow ride, or a 'muff wagon', as Prosecutor Blackquill so eloquently put it! Sure, it may not scream 'muscle car' with its less-powerful engine, sleeker lines, and smaller size; and it may or may not have come with a strawberry-scented air freshener and a Care Bear windshield plush; but it is by no means a car made exclusively for females. In fact, I'll have you know that my former mentor and adoptive father, the infamous prosecutor Manfred von Karma, himself suggested this car to me." Edgeworth brags, a smirk on his face and his arms haughtily spread outwards.
"And out of curiosity, did your mentor also suggest that you wear that pink suit as well?" Kristoph sneers.
"First off, see this suit?" Edgeworth huffs, gesturing to his attire. "It's clearly maroon, not pink! Yet why is it that every single person that I come across labels it as pink? Are they color blind? Are they daft?!"
"No, we just find it amusing to see you get into a tizzy over it- much like how young children love to ring doorbells before running off." Kristoph replies.
"And secondly, while it is true that von Karma chose this suit color for me, saying that it complimented my form and went with my eyes, that has no bearing on our current situation. I'm here for one thing and one thing only, Gavin, and that's my prize for winning your competition- one free wish of my choosing!"
"Very well then, Edgeworth. What is your wish?" Kristoph nonchalantly asks with a slightly sinister undertone.
Edgeworth smirks as he smugly spreads out his arms. "Not so fast, Gavin. I'm onto your little tricks."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Don't play dumb with me, Gavin. Practically everyone else in our world may not be able to see the forest through the trees, but not me! I know that the second I make my wish, you'll twist my words and make it backfire on me. That's right, I know your game and I'm going to win it."
"Ah, but in order win a game, you must first play it. So, what's your move?"
"I wish that everything was the way it used to be before all of this madness ever happened." Edgeworth proudly states.
"Oh no! Miles Edgeworth has discovered my Achilles heel! Whatever am I supposed to do?" Kristoph sarcastically comments in an over-the-top fashion which goes right over Edgeworth's head.
"Checkmate." Edgeworth sneers. "Now make it so!"
A grin spreads across Kristoph's face. "As you wish…" Kristoph raises his arms in the air, causing bolts of electricity to stream between his hands, emitting a blinding light.
When the light diminishes, Edgeworth finds himself in a large holding cell.
"Where am I…?" Edgeworth asks in a higher-pitched voice. "And why does my voice sound like it did when I was a child?"
"Why don't you tell us, Edgeworth?" A child-like voice asks from behind Edgeworth, which- upon turning around- he discovers belongs to Phoenix, who has been turned into a nine year-old version of himself and is standing next to a nine year-old Larry.
"Wright? Larry? Why are you kids? And why are we so short?" Edgeworth asks, just realizing that they are much smaller than normal.
"Why don't you look in the mirror, Edgeworth..." Phoenix groans, pointing to a mirror that is hanging on the wall off to the side.
Edgeworth walks over to the mirror and shrieks upon seeing that he, too, is a child and is dressed in the outfit that he wore before he was adopted into the von Karma family.
"I-I don't understand this! My wish was flawless! Gavin should have returned everything to the way things used to be like I asked!"
"Return things to…!" Phoenix slaps his forehead. "Oh, Kristoph gave you what you asked for, Edgeworth. He returned things to the way they were- by making US kids again! Not even Larry would make such an obvious blunder!"
"Hey! Don't drag me down to Edgey's level! I may have messed up in the past, but that's nothing compared to this!" Larry objects.
"Well chastising me about will change nothing. Look, I've made a mistake, but I've learned from it. Will you guys please forgive me so that we can put this behind us?" Edgeworth pleads with his friends who are glowering at him.
"Well sorry's not gonna restore my dating rep!" Larry angrily retorts.
"Larry, wanting your track record with women is like wanting a criminal record with a seat on death row. If anything, I did you a favor on that one." Edgeworth sneers.
"Oh yeah, because nine year-old boys are a real turn-on for women!" Larry states with clenched fists.
"As for me, thanks to your incredible foresight, I've lost what little respect Maya had for me and she refuses to take me seriously." Phoenix complains.
"You're being ridiculous, Wright. Maya would never do that to you."
Suddenly, as if on cue, Maya runs over to little Phoenix and pinches his cheek, causing him to wince in pain.
"Aw! Who has pinchable cheeky-weekies? You do! You do!" Maya states in a sweet, cutesy tone of voice.
"Stop it, Maya! Don't forget which one of us pays the bills." Phoenix states as he removes Maya's fingers from his cheek.
Maya giggles as she ruffles the little attorney's spikey hair. "Of course you do, little guy! Now who's gonna buy me lots of burgers? You are! You are!" The spirit medium chirps as she knells down and subjects Phoenix to the tightest hug to end all tight hugs. "DAWWW! You are soooo CUTE!
"Get off me, Maya." Phoenix wheezes as he struggles to breathe.
"I could just eat you up! Yes I could! Nomnomnomnom!" Maya chirps, wriggling her face in Phoenix's hair as if she's trying to eat him.
With an angry grunt, Phoenix somehow manages to push his suddenly-doting assistant off of him.
"Maya, despite my appearance, I am not a child! So can you please stop treating me as such? Or at the very least, do it to Edgeworth."
"Some friend you are." Edgeworth bitterly states.
"Well you're one who caused this mess, so you're the one who should be punished, not me!" Phoenix retorts.
"Aw! Looks like someone's a Mr. Grumpy-Pants! Are you a Mr. Grumpy-Pants? Do you need a nappy-wappy? Do you want me to cradle you in my bosom?" Maya chirps as she gets back up on her feet.
"Yes, please!" Larry jovially proclaims with a big, goofy grin on his face.
"'Nappy-wappy'? C'mon, Maya, I'm not that-" Phoenix is interrupted by Maya grabbing the back of his head and shoving it into her bosom.
"Shhh… Just ride the Sleepy-Time Express off to Slumber Land as I serenade you with the greatest song ever created…" Maya whispers, stroking Phoenix's hair as he struggles in vain to free himself.
The perky spirit medium then proceeds to softly hum the Steel Samurai theme song as Phoenix flails his arms and yells "Objection!" several times, which come out muffled due to where his head is currently located.
Larry blushes and starts slowly waving. "You know, Maya, I'm also feeling pretty tired. Mind singing me a lullaby after you're done with Nick?"
Though much to Larry's disappointment, Maya ignores him and continues serenading poor Phoenix.
Edgeworth rolls his eyes. "Just when I thought that you couldn't get more anymore pathetic, Larry…"
Larry flashes Edgeworth a thumbs-up. "Hey, when life gives you lemons, make milkshakes!"
"That makes no-" Edgeworth is cut off by Kay running up behind him and giving him a hug, squeeing as she nestles the crook of her chin on top of her boss' head. "Not you too, Kay…" The child prosecutor groans.
"I just can't help it, Mr. Edgeworth! You're just so cute- what with your little suit and bowtie. You're like a little penguin!" Kay chirps.
Edgeworth growls. "I am not a penguin, Kay. I am a prosecutor who strikes fear in even the most hardened of criminals, not some cuddle toy for you to coo over. I am the Demon Prosecutor, for goodness sake!"
"Yeah, the Demon Prosecutor of Cuteness!" Kay squeezes Edgeworth a bit tighter. "Now we have to find you a new career! Yes we do!" Kay says, rubbing her cheek against her boss' hair.
"What are you talking about, Kay? I'm still perfectly capable of prosecuting."
"A sweet, little guy like you prosecuting? Those mean attorneys would chew you up and spit you out like bubblegum! No, we need to find you a nice, safe career. I know! You can be my full-time assistant!"
"No." Edgeworth growls.
"C'mon, think about it! You'll be really helping my cause- you can crawl through spaces too small for me to fit through and drum up good PR for me with that adorable little face of yours. You could be, um…" Kay cocks her head as she tries to think of a cool thief name for little Edgeworth. "Oh, I got! I got it! You can be, drumroll please…" Larry, with his tongue sticking out, slaps his stomach like a drum. "the assistant who soars under the wing of the Great Thief Yatagarasu, the Great Thief Chick-Chick!"
"'Chick-Chick'? What kind of lazy, uninspired name is Chick-Chick?" Edgeworth complains.
"The kind of name that I came up with in ten seconds. Plus, it's a fitting name for a cute little guy like you that helps to serve as a good contrast to the gruff, hardened image of the Yatagarasu."
"Kay, you're a small, bubbly, young woman who dresses in pink and is always smiling. You are the exact opposite of 'gruff and hardened'. Now, can please let me go? My back is starting to feel sore." Edgeworth requests.
"I am when compared to your current cuteness. You're so sweet that ants would carry you off to their nest if I wasn't holding onto you. And that's before I have you fitted into a chick costume! Afterwards, you'll be the cutest thing to ever cute!" Kay coos. "And until you agree to be the Great Thief Chick-Chick, I am not letting go of you and that's final!"
"The day I become Chick-Chick is the day that I choose to take an elevator and give Gumshoe a living salary." Edgeworth growls.
"Then I'm not letting go!" Kay states as she squeezes Edgeworth even harder.
As this is happening, Larry is grinning with excitement. "All right! If Nick and Edgey are getting this much attention, then I should be mobbed by girls any minute now!" Larry spreads out his arms and closes his eyes. "All right, ladies, I'm ready. Shower me with your endless love!" The little wannabe Casanova proclaims. "Ladies, didn't you hear me? I said that I'm ready." Larry states after waiting a few seconds. "Ladies…?" The boy asks as he opens his eyes, only to find that no women are mobbing him. "What the hell!? Why aren't the hot ladies mobbing me? I'm a hundred times cuter than Nick and Edgey combined!" Larry pouts.
Larry looks over and sees Franziska standing against a wall off to the side, reading a book as she minds her business.
"Hello, Franzy…" Larry says to himself as a grin spreads across his face before walking over to Franziska and tugging on her skirt, prompting her to look down at him with a look of irritation.
"I'm not in the mood for your foolishness, Larry Butz. Please leave my sight."
"But Franzy, don't you think I'm cute as a kid?" Larry asks, widening his eyes in an attempt to make himself look as adorable as possible.
"Larry Butz, I don't care if you're a kid, a young adult, or even a shriveled-up old man on his deathbed. To me, you will always be the most foolishly foolish fool to ever be foolish in the land of foolishly foolish fools who act foolish. And if I didn't have moral qualms with whipping children, you would be on the receiving end of many a lashing. Now as I said before, please leave me alone."
A scowl spreads across Larry's face, his brow becoming furrowed and his nostrils flaring. "No!"
A look of shock forms on Franziska's face, not expecting this sniveling, foolish, pathetic man with the backbone of a chocolate éclair to ever talk back to her.
"What did you say to me?" Franziska sternly asks, making sure to keep her composure.
"You heard me! I said 'No'!" Larry snaps. "For too long, I have been Mr. Nice-Guy to every girl that I meet and have had my heart stomped into the ground; but I've always managed to dust myself off, thinking that maybe next time will be different. But when I see Nick and Edgey getting doted over like they're the hottest thing since sliced bread, that is where I draw the line! I'm cute! I'm a good dresser! I'm a nice person! But yet I'm alone while Nick and Edgey get hot girls! Where are my hot girls!? Huh? HUH!?"
Franziska closes her book and slowly takes a few steps off to the side, noticing how Larry- with his eyes wide-open and unblinking- is staring at her with a look intense enough to bore holes through stone.
"Larry Butz, why are you staring at me like that?" Franziska asks with an undertone of hesitation.
"Love me, Franzy… LOVE ME!" Larry yells as he rushes at Franziska, prompting her to run around the holding cell as the wannabe Casanova chases after her with his arms extended outwards.
"Stop this foolishness, Larry Butz! Get away from me!"
"I want love! I want a hot girl! I want love and a hot girl! It's my God-given right as a guy who is friends with Nick and Edgey!"
Larry lunges forward like a tiger pouncing at its prey and grabs onto Franziska's leg.
"Larry Butz, get off of my leg this instant!" Franziska snarls as she shakes her leg in a futile attempt to get Larry off of her.
"No! I'm fastened to you with the glue of love and desperation! You'll never be rid of me, for I have nothing left to lose but my loneliness!" Larry wails, his face bright red as tears stream down his cheeks.
Meanwhile, Kristoph is sitting in his purple armchair aboard his dirigible, watching the scene unfold from the cell's surveillance camera and chuckles. "You know, this wish suits Wright and his foolish friends splendidly- giving them bodies that perfectly match their childish naiveté. I'm Kristoph Gavin, and I thank you for watching Debauched Steel."
A/N: I would like to thank Aeliren85 and Aria and Clive for submitting the idea for this chapter.
Speaking of Aria and Clive, they asked me last chapter if characters from Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright can be used for episodes, and the answer to that is no. I want to keep this story focused on the main series, which consists of the Ace Attorney and Ace Attorney Investigation games.
