Names: Trilo Quist and Benjamin Woodman

Vehicle: Mom's Car (In Trilo's own words, "If Ben could stop being such a big looser for once and actually get us a decent paying job, maybe we could afford a man's car. Instead, we have to settle for his mom's crappy Geo!")

Vehicle Armor: 2/5 (When asked about the low armor stat, Ben told us that it's better than nothing, to which Trilo responded by saying how that's an insult to the good name of nothing considering that it's better than Ben.)

Vehicle Speed: 4/5 (This vehicle was in no way designed for high-speed action, and Ben has panic attacks at speeds greater than 40 mph, but Trilo demands fast-paced action and that's just what he's going to get, even if he has to Punch Ben's ugly nose all day.)

Vehicle Handling: 1/5 (It's not easy to control a vehicle when two people with polar opposite personalities are fighting over the wheel.)

Special Attack: 1/5 (Tenor of the Gods- Trilo tries to mesmerize the other drivers with his singing voice, only to start yelling insults at them when he notices that they're ignoring him, causing them to be blinded with rage and target his and Ben's vehicle. Not the best attack out there, but it's still better than Meekins'. Plus, the other drivers could crash into a wall or each other in their rage, so this attack has the very slim possibility of being useful.)

Bio: H-Hi… My… My name's Ben… I'm a ventri-

God! You are such a looser, Woodman! How do you expect to get people to root for us when you're so lame!

S-Sorry, Trilo…

Damn right you are! Now why don't you actually be useful for once and keep that stupid mouth of yours quiet while I handle the introductions…! Hey folks, I'm Trilo, the famed tenor of the Berry Big Circus, and this moron behind me is Ben, an ugly looser who has nothing better to do than to follow me around and stick his hand up my pants.

Hi…

What did I say about talking!? You speak when I say so, dummy! … Sorry about that, folks. Sometimes I have to man up and remind Ben here his place in our little duo. Sure, he's not the smartest guy out there, or the most attractive, or even in possession of basic social skills, but I keep him with me 'cause I'm a sweetheart. Without me, Ben would shrivel up and die alone in a gutter somewhere. But unfortunately, even my vast wellspring of kindness has its limits, for I am like a mighty eagle and Ben is a 50-ton weight tied to its ankle. Sure, I can try to take flight and reach higher places, but as long as I have Ben breathing down my neck, I'll always be weighed down and stuck living in squalor at the Berry Big Circus. But after I win this contest, that Gavin guy's gonna help me soar to stardom!


Kristoph is sitting on his usual bench, reading a newspaper, when he is suddenly thumped on the head. Throwing down his newspaper, Kristoph shoots a death glare at the winner of Debauched Steel, Benjamin Woodman, whose only response is pointing down at his puppet.

"Hey lady, know where I can find Kristoph Gavin? Guy owes me a wish." Trilo says with a smug grin.

"I'm Kristoph Gavin." The host of Debauched Steel curtly responds.

"Really? I was told Kristoph Gavin was a guy, whereas you look like Goldilocks on a business trip."

"Trilo… It's not nice to make fun of a person's appearance." Ben meekly scolds.

"Shut up, Woodman!" Trilo snaps as he starts punching Ben's face. "For crying out loud, he looks like a freakin' reject Barbie! He's asking for it!"

"Do you realize who you're insulting? I'm Kristoph Gavin, the man who single-handedly ruined Phoenix Wright's career and is currently capable of bending the fabric of the universe to his will. So if I were you, little man, I'd watch my mouth." Kristoph hisses as he leans towards the puppet and pushes his shoulder.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Trilo growls as he taps his hand against Kristoph's torso. "Hands off the merchandize, Pisstoph! Do you know who I am? I'm Trilo Quist, the world-renown tenor of the Berry Big Circus, and I demand to be treated with respect!"

"Well, don't you have a big ego for a little puppet who's dressed like a pack of Mentos." Kristoph sneers with crossed arms, prompting Trilo to clench his fists as he growls in anger.

"Puppet! Who are you calling a puppet, Bitchtoph!? I'm the star of the show! Me, Trilo Quist! I sing, I dance, and I do impressions- if anyone's the puppet, then it's the ugly looser behind me who doesn't know when to leave me alone. Heck, he's so ugly that even a chick like you would turn him down for a date."

"Are you trying to pick a fight? Because if you are, then I'd be more than happy to introduce you to my wood chipper!" Kristoph snaps.

"Whoa, whoa, girly. If you can bend reality, then why don't you give yourself a tampon, 'cause it's clearly your time of the month."

"Why you little…!" Kristoph snarls, his fingers tense as if ready to strangle the puppet.

Trilo points at the host of Debauched Steel and bursts into laughter. "Oh my god! You've got manicured nails!?"

"Yes, you little termite snack. I feel that perfectly-manicured nails are a sign of sophistication and class, two things you could never hope to comprehend."

"What are you, one of those metrosexuals who dresses like a fashion disaster from the 70's and watches Shirley Temple movies in their free time?"

"Shut your filthy mouth!" Kristoph roars, his left eye wildly twitching as he glares daggers at Trilo. "Shirley Temple was an American treasure and I will not allow you nor anyone else to insult her magnificent legacy or her fan base, you miserable excuse for a toothpick!"

"Oh, you think you're sooo witty with your insults. Well newsflash, I can throw insults around as well, you periwinkle pisshead!" Trilo yells with his fists raised.

"Glorified firewood!" Kristoph snaps.

"Drill head!" Trilo retorts.

"Pig-headed puppet!"

"Creepy Sausage!"

"Wright!"

"I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean, but right back at you!"

Kristoph and Trilo pause to growl at each other, their glowering faces only separated by a few mere inches.

Ben nervously raises his hand. "Um, excuse me… Can-

"Stay out of this!" Kristoph and Trilo shout in unison, prompting Ben to shorten his neck as if he's a turtle trying to withdraw into its shell.

"Look Crapstoph, as much as I'd love to continue this little argument, I'm a busy guy with lots of things to do and places to go, so can we get to my wish now?" Trilo smugly asks as a smirk spreads across his face.

"Fine, what is your wish? To become a real boy?" Kristoph wryly comments.

"Oh please, I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, twinkle toes. My wish is to get away from this wuss…!" Trilo punches Ben. "and you!"

"With pleasure." Kristoph says with a sinister grin and a snap of his fingers, causing Trilo to disappear in a burst of light.

"T-Trilo!" Ben shrieks as he frantically searches the area. "Wh-What have you done with him!?"

"I merely granted his wish and sent him away. But don't worry; I can assure you with absolute certainty that he's somewhere safe…" Kristoph sniggers.

Meanwhile, Trilo, who is now limp and lifeless without Ben, is locked in a safe onboard Kristoph's dirigible.

"You know, I'm having a sudden craving for chestnuts roasted over an open flame…" The host of Debauched Steel sneers before turning to the camera. "I'm Kristoph Gavin, and I thank you for watching Debauched Steel."


A/N: I would like to thank JordanPhoenix for coming up with the majority of the insults that Trilo used on Kristoph. This chapter couldn't have been possible without the colorful names that she comes up with for the Coolest Defense in the West whenever he arises in conversation.