Flashback:
I ripped open the envelope from the dance school I applied to and became excited when I read that I was accepted. My parents couldn't control themselves and were hooting and hollering until they calmed down long enough to ask me what I wanted to do to celebrate. I told them I wanted to tell Tyson the good news and hang out with him. I couldn't do it last weekend because my parents went out of town to visit family and of course I had to tag along. I had planned something with Tyson but that went out of the door.
They relented after I told them why I wanted to hang with Tyson and they let me drive to his house. I didn't have to get out of the car because when I honked my horn, Tyson peered out of his window, turned off his light, and was in my car within ten seconds it seemed. We gave each other the sloppiest kiss because dammit we missed each other.
"Where to?" I said when I could breathe.
"Drive-in movie. My treat. And I can drive you."
"Okay. Oh: I got into the dance school I wanted to get into so much!"
"Congrats, babe. I'm so proud of you."
Tyson gave me a big hug and another kiss.
"Thank you," I said. "Now drive sucka."
I laid against Tyson as I ate Skittles while drinking Sprite. That was my go to snack whenever I watched movies and t.v. Tyson kept one hand on my thigh while the other was preoccupied with putting popcorn in his mouth. My mind was on the movie but it began to think about the future: would me and Tyson still be together?
Will we go our separate ways?
I was unsure of the future so I made the decision to ask him when we drove back to his place. I needed to be sure what was going to happen with us.
"Tyson, before you go we need to talk."
"Okay. What's on your mind?"
"How are we going to make things work out between us? You'll be wrestling and I'll be in dance school. What if we don't have time for each other anymore?" My heart was heavy as I asked him these questions.
"We'll find a way, Tia. Even if we get very busy over the years and eventually drift apart, I'll still come back to you."
"What do you mean "eventually drift apart"? You said that so damn casually!"
"Tia, listen: in life people drift apart. That doesn't mean they won't find each other again."
"I don't want to drift apart from you!"
"Tia, you have to live your life."
"I know but I want YOU in it! I don't want to drift apart from you. I've loved you since the first day we laid eyes on each other. All those times you introduced yourself over and over again because you forgot you already introduced yourself to me. Almost a decade growing up with you and you want me to forget about it!?"
"I never said that. I said if we drift apart, I'll come back to you." Tyson remained calm as he spoke to me while I was still fuming.
"Tyson…I don't want to leave you. I just don't." My dance school was local but they offered students a chance to travel the world as well. I didn't want to lose touch with him.
"Tia, when I start wrestling I'm going to have to travel. When you start school, you too will travel. You worked very damn hard to get into the dance school you wanted to. I know you love me and I love you too. But I want you to forget about me for a second and think: what makes Tia happy? What accomplishments will Tia obtain? If we go our separate ways over the years, I'll find you. If we don't speak again, I will find you. I'll invite you to some wrestling events and you'll invite me to your performances. Maybe you'll find someone better than me along the road."
"I won't." I began to cry. "Don't say that, please."
Tyson pulled me in for a hug.
"Alright. Just please live your life to the fullest, okay? Do that for me? I know you want me to live my life so please live yours, too. Alright?"
"Alright. I love you, Tyson."
"Love you more, Tia."
Tyson gave me a big hug and a good night kiss before heading into his house. I made sure he was inside of his home before I waved at him and drove back to my home.
I actually began to feel a lot better about our future with each other. If we drifted apart, we'd eventually come back to each other.
Present:
Almost a year had passed by. Throughout the year, I did a lot of thinking and reflecting about my marriage to Tyson. I also spoke to our therapist about what was going on and sometimes had sessions whenever Tyson was in town. One thing that our therapist had said in the beginning was this: if we felt like we couldn't be together and did better off separated or divorced, we should consider those options.
Why be married if it wasn't going to work between us? We didn't need marriage to prove our love to one another. As a teen, I thought I couldn't live a week without seeing Tyson but as I grew older and established my career, I realized that life went on and I was enjoying myself. I kept in touch with Tyson as much as I could but we were so busy we would go months without speaking to each other.
Maybe marriage isn't for us?
That thought kept running through my head each and every day that passed by. My babies were used to Tyson being away and they were happy when they were with me. Co-parenting was easier than I had thought so that was a plus.
And I admit: even though I missed laying next to him in bed, I enjoyed having the bed to myself. The amount of thoughts I was beginning to have was almost going to drive me insane, I admit.
I had to talk to my therapist about my conflicting thoughts and she wrote down the key points of everything that came out of my mouth about whether or not I should get back with my husband. After I was done, she finished writing down her thoughts and looked at me with a serious look.
"I want you to read what I circled." She handed me the clipboard and waited as I read it.
She had circled all of the times I said I enjoyed being to myself and circled all of the instances where I said I was happy doing some things alone. I mentioned that I loved Tyson but the time we were spending apart had made me feel a lot better…as if I could breathe better and letting Tyson live on his own was the best thing to do.
"But I love Tyson…he's the only man I've ever been with in my entire life…"
"When you two went your separate ways in your careers, were you still happy?"
"Yes. I checked in on him whenever I got the chance despite being busy and working."
"Alright. You two got back together, had two children, got married, and began to live together and everything was fine until he changed and now you two are separated. You say that you and him are happy where you are and that you don't mind living alone at home. You guys co-parent your children and they understand that their mommy and daddy have to live apart for a bit and they enjoy visiting Tyson as they have more…a little more freedom. Their dad will let them hang off the roof along with their cat all day if he could. It seems to me that if you lived apart from him before, then you can do it again. You sound unsure of getting back with him so why not remain by yourself?"
"Remain by myself…"
"Yes. Remain by yourself and when you're ready, you get back with Tyson. ONLY when you're confident enough to do so."
When I got home, I immediately called Tyson.
Author's Note: I've been M.I.A. but here is a new chapter. I also have a new username. :)
