(10/15/2016) I'm totally procrastinating. Someone come here and write my paper and I can keep writing fanfiction instead.
Itty bitty bit was added to the last chapter. I honestly just forgot to do it before I posted.
New season is off to an awesome start! In fact, all the tv shows are doing awesome things. Westworld anyone?
Thank you missmeow1968, RHatch89, and thedarkpokemaster for the reviews! And hello all you quiet favoriters and followers!
(Excerpt from Rupert Giles' Watcher diaries)
…Why is it that no other creature that has been designated a "monster" is affected by the sacred? Neither witches nor revenants fall prey to crosses, holy water, or sunlight. Yet the vampire is vulnerable to all three.
It must be taken into account that demons alone are the only other creatures who are thus affected, at least when it comes to the first two objects. It has been postulated that there must be some sort of connection between the vampire and Hell. Watcher lore also speaks of the Old One, Maloker, who supposedly sired the first of their kind long ago, putting to question the origins of the Old Ones as well.
Are vampires bastard offshoots of true demons? Are they merely humans whose souls have been distorted by the taint of Hell? Who was Maloker and what, if any, was his role? According to the diaries of Russian Watcher Dmitri Yugoslav…
(Text conversation between Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers)
WILLOW: Abracadabra!
BUFFY: Abrjdjkwlanfjfiens
WILLOW: Nice. Boy your bros barely waited until the last bell to get you guys going on your trip.
BUFFY: Yeah, I know. Eager beavers. Anyways, what's the what?
WILLOW: Nada. We've been doing little patrols. Giles is helping.
BUFFY: Yeah? How's the HM?
WILLOW: Kinda quiet. Maybe cuz the Master got staked?
BUFFY: Could hope
WILLOW: How's the road?
BUFFY: Funner than I thought! Dean's showing me how to do guns
WILLOW: You becoming Annie Oakley?
BUFFY: Hit all the targets first try. Sam busted a gut laughing at Dean's face
WILLOW: How's Sam?
BUFFY: Good. Why?
WILLOW: Oh just wondering
BUFFY: Is there something you need to tell me?
WILLOW: No nothing at all. Hey Xander says hi
BUFFY: Tell him I said hi back
WILLOW: Heard from Angel?
BUFFY: No
WILLOW: He's a poop head anyways
BUFFY: You see him you tell him to call me, ok?
WILLOW: What about Dean?
BUFFY: Dean's a poop head. He can deal
WILLOW: Ok if I see him I'll give him the message
BUFFY: Thanks! Miss you guys!
WILLOW: Miss you too! Text you tomorrow
The Great Winchester-Summers Prank War
Began with a spoon in Sam's mouth while he was napping followed by cranking the Impala's radio quickly up to maximum.
Clear nail polish all over Dean's favorite bar of soap. Only thing left in the bathroom was a tiny bottle of strawberry scented wash.
Fake roaches mixed into Buffy's duffel bag.
Real roaches mixed into Sam's.
Timer set on the motel TV so it would turn on at 3am. Slight backfire since Dean put several bullet holes in the flatscreen.
Snuck small chili peppers into Sam's salad.
Unscrewed the lid of the salt while Dean was in the bathroom. The French fries were nearly inedible, but he persevered.
Replacing the background picture on Buffy's phone with one of their butts. Whose it was, neither brother would say.
Shaving cream in Sam's palm in the morning followed by tickling his nose to wake him up.
Radio cranked on the Impala before it was started.
Sent pics to Buffy's friends of her drooling on her pillow.
Itching powder in Sam's underpants.
Superglued Dean's hand to a beer bottle.
War ended on a truce when Sam called Ed Zeddmore pretending to be a movie producer, Buffy called Harry Spangler pretending to be a swooning female fan, and Dean stuck a dead fish under the pair's back seat.
(Audio from a video uploaded to the Hell Hound's Lair website)
"Hello. I am Harry Spengler."
"And I am Ed Zeddmore."
"And if you're watching this video, it's because you've seen… a ghost."
"A spirit."
"A poltergeist!"
"A pol… a gho… a thing… not of this world!"
"And you're here to see the experts at work."
"Meaning us."
"Not those Winchesters. Douchebag pretty boys."
"So pretty. Like girls."
"Except one was a girl."
"And she was hot."
"So hot."
"Anytime you want to ditch those bros of yours, babe, you call us."
"Because we know how to treat the ladies right."
"Oh yeah."
"Because we've had… so much experience."
"Dozens of women."
"Hundreds."
"Yeah."
"Oh yeah."
"But about ghosts…"
(Text message sent from John Winchester to Dean Winchester)
Coordinates: 42 57.650' N 89 28.191' W
(Phone call from Buffy Summers to Joyce Summers)
BUFFY: Hi mom!
JOYCE: Buffy! (yawning) Sorry, I'm in New York and it's been a very long day. Where are you and your brothers right now?
BUFFY: We're in Wisconsin, home of the cheese headed people apparently.
JOYCE: See anything interesting?
BUFFY: Well, we saw the world's largest ball of twine! It was… twiny. I think Dean made us go there because I made him go to that place with a gazillion cabbage patch kids back in Iowa.
JOYCE: What, does he have a fear of dolls?
BUFFY: He does now.
DEAN: (slightly slurred shout in the background) I do not!
SAM: (in the background) Dean, give me the lighter.
DEAN: (clicks indicating an attempt to start a lighter) No! We're gonna go back and I'm gonna burn the dolls! 'S the only way to get rid of the ghosts!
SAM: Give it! (thumps of two men wrestling with occasional profanities)
BUFFY: Oh. My God. I'm going outside. (squeak of door opening then clacks of locks settling)
JOYCE: Is your brother drunk?
BUFFY: We kind of had a rough day. I guess Dean didn't… um… I guess dad brought them here a long time ago and it brought back bad memories.
JOYCE: Oh?
BUFFY: (deep sigh) Long story short: Dean skipped out on doing babysitter duty and Sam almost got killed. He still feels really bad about it.
JOYCE: I suppose John wasn't really happy with him either.
BUFFY: Nope.
JOYCE: Speaking of which, have you seen your father lately?
BUFFY: Uh, not really. Not in person. I think he's, um, busy doing some work somewhere else. He texts us every once in a while though, lets us know he's okay.
JOYCE: (angry sigh) Good grief. He could at least spend some time with you three on the road.
BUFFY: Yeah, I— (loud thump followed by raucous, drunken laughter)
DEAN: (muffled) You don't move, Sammy, I'm gonna hold you down an' shave your head.
SAM: (muffled) Oh, c'mon, put that away. Buffy! Help!
BUFFY: I better go, mom. If I don't I might be one brother less by morning.
JOYCE: Okay, sweetie. I love you, and tell the boys that I love them too. Make sure Dean gets a lot of water in him before he passes out.
BUFFY: I will, mom. Love you, too. Bye!
JOYCE: Bye!
(Letter by Daniel Elkins, date unknown. Left in a P.O. box for John Winchester. Picked up by his children.)
J,
If you're reading this, I'm already dead. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before: I had the Colt this whole time locked away in a safe. You might think it's because of what happened between you and Sara, but really it was for your own good. She's doing okay, by the way. Far as I know she headed on out of here after you did your usual thing with women and went back to her parents' place in Iowa. Left the ring at least.
I'm hoping by the time you get this you've given up on this obsession. Those boys need a father, not a mission, and what were you planning on telling that girl of yours? But maybe you haven't and you need that Colt. It's in the safe in my living room. Combo is 25–53–12. You're welcome to anything else you find in there.
Here's hoping you got this after I've died some kind of peaceful death in my sleep. I hope maybe you're back in California with that Joyce being a family man again.
D
Author's Note : The final letter is picked up by Sam and Dean in the episode, "Dead Man's Blood" (1.20).
