AN: Okay as always, Reviewer Replies! :D

Zeak106: Yep, I originally thought about going serious - fun - epic, but then I decided the more natural progression was fun - epic - serious. My apologies if it caught you flat footed, but it wouldn't be much of a WHAM episode if it didn't come as a surprise. Glad you enjoyed, here's this week's chapter!

Beruit: Yes indeed, Jerry is from a Nasuverse world and a distant descendant of not only Ozymandias, but also Cu Chulainn on his father's side. If he hadn't had the catalyst for Gilgamesh, he would've summoned Caster Cu. He did indeed use mage craft, although he was very young he was also very talented and had a special gift for fire element magic. He lost all his memory of the existence of magic at the end of the Holy Grail War when Gilgamesh erased his memories and suppressed his new powers as a demi-Servant (yes he's like Mash) to protect him from the Mage's Association, but now he has regained his memories and powers in full. How the Tower Arc ends? Wait no longer for the end is nigh!

Arclight001: TROLOLOLOLOL... You might possibly have come to that conclusion due to the red herring I threw out in the Reviewer Replies of Ch25: the battle of Mildian to trick people off the scent of who Jerry is pointing out that there was another very powerful mage with a scar over his eye running around who would produce similar results to what Jerry has if possessed of Jerry's personality and quirks. I do apologize for misleading you, but I believe the last chapter had much more impact thanks to it. I was honestly surprised, I thought Erza revealing his full name and thus giving it away at the end of Chapter 35 would be the wham episode. It quite surprised me that apparently nobody actually caught on until Jerry was in the middle of spelling it out to Jellal. Oh well, it strengthened the impact of that scene and that was fully intended to be the heaviest hitting scene until at least some chapter in the vicinity of... (goes to look at schedule) ...somewhere around seventy.

Wori Hu: (bows) To quote the God of Mischief: Tadaaa!

Raidentensho: Oh no, she's already known for a while. Mira made it very clear to her back in chapter 22 so she didn't eviscerate Jerry for 'shopping around'. Erza's just been keeping her distance because of the whole 'uncanny resemblance to Jellal' and accompanying mental/emotional baggage that went with finding out who Jerry was. Yes Jerry will now be Erza's go-to partner for missions (*coughDATEScough*) and as for armor, the kitsune thing is an interesting idea, yes some armor modification is on the way, but no, that's not the one I had in mind. 'Week they halt the trip'... I'm sorry are we talking about the same story here? Trip's over! They make it home this chapter. Would've made it home three chapters ago if Jellal hadn't interrupted. Also, no, this chapter actually takes place starting on the morning of September 30th. It's well past beach season.

Eluvian Camaris: (bows) To quote the God of Mischief: Tadaaa! And yes, thank you very much for the high praise. It took some doing to make such a gut wrenching backstory, so I'm glad it had the intended effects. Don't worry, that's far and away the most horrible thing I've got lined up to spring on everybody until sometime around Thanksgiving, maybe a little after. Honestly, even that's going to be more of an epic "OH SHIT!" moment than a Feels Buster. The next one of THOSE isn't scheduled until sometime next year, and if I do ANYTHING right with the characters involved between now and then, then it is going to be nothing short of completely and utterly heartbreaking.

...

Also, since only two people asked questions, but I got six comments, here's four fun pieces of trivia regarding the Tower Arc:

1) In canon, Crawford Seam wasn't present when the Council voted to fire the Etherion as he was taking a week of vacation. The difference here is that the Tower Arc took place a few weeks later than it did in canon due to Erza and the team being out of the country.

2) We actually got to see Lucy's surprise Caster Magic be used for the first time last chapter, and I'm not talking about the Snow Dragon lacrima. If you didn't catch it, go back and reread the fight scenes she's in, see if you can figure it out before she does! :D

3) In canon, only Ikaruga of Trinity Raven was ever confirmed dead. I will now confirm that Vidaldus was the last one standing, and he got squashed when the tower came down.

4) In canon Mystogan's staves were never given any name or classification. Here they are common Holder Magic weapons related to five elements, The Sea Fin Scythe (Water), Desert Skull Stave (Fire), Windcatcher (Wind), Grand Witching Forks (Earth) and Mind's Eye Scepter (Mind). They are not considered particularly powerful on their own, but Mystogan has mastered dozens of different ways to combine their abilities making him actually the most versatile and unpredictable of Fairy Tail's current S-Class despite being from Edolas and thus having no innate magic of his own.

...

I feel I've blabbered enough now, so on with the show! :D

...


...

Ch37: Home At Last


...

12:37 AM, Magic Council HQ

I punted Jellal through the portal to Magic Council Headquarters and the rest of us followed him through. I could've dragged him, I could've thrown him or shoved him. Those would've been slightly more polite, but I was still feeling decidedly uncivil towards my thoroughly battered doppelganger. I'd told Erza I wouldn't kill him, that didn't mean I was going to stop hammering home my intense hatred of him every chance I got.

The rib cracking punt that hurled him through the portal to land at the Magic Council's feet felt pretty damn good on my end!

I waved with a plastered on smile as I led the team through the portal, "Aloha! Jerry Granger and Fairy Tail's best with good news and a special delivery of one severely evil, freshly tenderized scumbag for processing!"

Erza elbowed me gently as she stepped forward and gestured to the limp form of my doppelganger, "Esteemed Councilmembers, this man is Jellal Fernandes. He is responsible for the enslavement of hundreds and attempted activation of the forbidden magic known as the R-System. We would like to turn him in."

"We've been informed," Chairman Seam declared flatly before pointing over our heads.

We turned and my eyes were far from the only pair that bugged out, "The hell happened here?"

"Jellal had friends in low places," Ultear declared from where she was holding a clump of ice over a nasty looking welt on her cheek, "Apparently he was one of Grimoire Heart's Seven Kin of Purgatory. They sent four more of the Seven Kin to take the Etherion by force."

I turned to look at her in horror, "Is everyone okay?!"

"Seventy three confirmed dead, another ninety eight in critical condition and nearly that many again with less severe injuries," Mr. Yajima declared somberly, "They had a Fire God Slayer who was very enthusiastic about torching everything and everybody he came across."

Everyone was quiet for a moment and then Belno spoke up, "It's good to see you looking well Gajeel. Have you been behaving yourself?"

"A model teammate," Erza answered smoothly before Gajeel could get a word out. Gajeel's jaw dropped and he actually blushed a little as Erza continued, "He's been immensely helpful and a tremendous asset. We were very glad to have him on this last mission."

Belno nodded, "I'm glad to hear it. So, would you like to explain what happened? Mystogan and Makarov have already explained what they knew of the situation, but I would like to hear it from you."

My grin got twitchy, "Erza, I'm gonna let you answer this one."

"Probably wise since I doubt you'd be able to keep your manners through an explanation," Erza replied dryly.

My twitchy grin grew a little twitchier as I declared through clenched teeth, "You have no idea." I'd be cursing a streak bluer than my hair in short order if I started trying to recount the evening's events.

Org looked at us in surprise, "He has manners?"

I shot him a twitchy look and Erza gently elbowed me again, "He does actually, but he's had a very trying evening. We all have."

Right about then Jellal came to with a groan and my gaze snapped to him, "NOPE!" BOOM! My fist slammed into his head at what Archive clocked as around a hundred and twenty miles per hour. I mentally noted that this new 'Meteor' business was some powerful stuff. If I hadn't pulled the punch when it made contact, it would've splattered his magicless head like an egg. As was, I think I still broke the back of his skull like a rock into a window.

I was acutely aware that everyone was staring at me, so I looked up, "Allow me to clarify, I'm not his brother or cousin or clone. I'm him from the other side of Edolas if you understand what that means. I'm the 'foul mouthed but actually a good guy' version. As you can imagine, I didn't like this slimy scum bag having my face." I lifted him by the top of his head and showed them what was left of said face, "So I fixed it."

Ultear actually looked like she might vomit and the rest of the Council were looking at me like I might go crazy and attack them at any moment. Erza promptly slugged me in the top of the head, "Are you trying to get in trouble?!"

I rubbed my head and shot a mild glare at her, "I don't see why any of them should be upset given what this rancid pile of mold and manure was trying to do! He deserved every bit of that beating! None of them have done anything to us, they've got nothing to be worried about!"

"Would we if we did?" Chairman Seam asked cautiously.

"No!" Erza answered quickly.

"Are you going to try to murder my friends and resurrect Zeref?" I asked bluntly.

Erza punched me in the head again, "SHUT! UP!"

I pouted at her for a moment as her hand rested on my shoulder and then, "Fine, but if he tries to get up, I'm picking back up where I left off!"

Erza sighed, and then without the slightest warning swept my feet out from under me, spun me around before I could hit the ground and sat on my head. "I am really sorry about him," she told the Council, "He's still extremely worked up from earlier no matter how much he tries to pretend he's calm."

I would normally have retaliated to having my face sat on in some small way. This particular time though? I was much too happy about Erza simply being alive to actually be upset with her, so instead I simply crossed my arms, huffed in light annoyance and folded one leg over the other. I couldn't see anything, but I could still hear perfectly as Mr. Yajima asked, "That's pretending to be calm?"

"Oh he's vastly calmer right now than he was half an hour ago," Erza reassured him, "He was so enraged that I was honestly surprised he could speak coherently. I think Jellal managed to push every single berserk button he has."

More like slammed them with a twenty pound sledgehammer, I thought to myself, but I stayed quiet and tried to calm myself back down. After a moment it occurred to me to focus on something happy, and something happy was quite literally right on top of me. She's okay… It was the most comforting idea I'd been wanting to be true for the better part of a decade, and it actually did serve to calm me down a lot as Erza and the others proceeded to explain the evening's events to the Council. With the magic reinforcing my body, I didn't even really feel any pressure from her full body weight pressing down on me. It was about like having a pillow on my forehead. I'm not sure when I dozed off, but between the massive guilt that had been hanging over me like a cloud since the day it happened finally having a hole punched through it, and the knowledge that all my friends were safe, doze off I did.

...


The Next Morning


...

Have you ever woken up and not known where the hell you were? It's actually scary as shit, especially if you don't recognize the place within about the first minute at the outside. The last time it happened to me, I was waking up in Hargeon. Needless to say, I went to jump out of bed immediately, only for a slim but ridiculously strong hand to snap out and snatch me right back face first into something very soft that smelled like strawberries and metal. A pair of legs wrapped around me and I felt a face bury itself in my hair as my surprise bedmate made a noise in the negative.

It took me a second before I realized who it was, Erza?! The events of the previous night crashed back into my conscious like a tidal wave and I went stiff as a board for a moment before smiling and letting myself slump into her most likely unconscious embrace. I could get used to this… my mind churned up instinctively as my body did what any man's would. My face furrowed a little, Better check on the others…

I reached out with my telepathy and quickly located them. I exhaled in relief as I found them all sleeping safe and sound. A stretch of my telekinesis was all it took to check on them, simply checking the matter that comprised them revealed that Lucy and Mari had managed to heal Mari, Natsu and Happy's wounds. It seemed like they'd have some rather impressive new scars, Natsu shockingly less than the others to such a degree that I had to seriously wonder just exactly how much magic was pumping through reinforcing his hide, but they were all alive and healthy, and that's what was important. Mari and Lucy were cuddled up next to each other and Natsu was crashed out on the couch in their room with Happy on his lap. I puzzled for a moment over Gajeel and Levy being cuddled up every bit as amiably as Erza was to me in the next room…except with considerably less clothes on. Then I grinned, Good for you Gajeel. You too Levy!

I also sensed multiple guards and minds bustling about throughout the rest of what I could sense to be a very sizable building. A few minutes of eavesdropping later I figured out that we were in Magic Council HQ as guests. Well, nothing to do except enjoy the warmth while it lasts, I thought to myself before sighing contentedly and smiling into Erza's bosom, I hope she's not angry when she-

"You're awake," Erza noted quietly. Shit. So much for happy happy snuggle time…

"I was going to let you sleep a bit longer," I replied, "This is a very nice place to be."

"Mmm…" Erza agreed, "We probably shouldn't be like this though. What would Mira think?"

"Mira'd be overjoyed and climbing into join us," I replied with a smile.

Erza was quiet for a moment and then, "If you keep flirting with me like that, I might have to start questioning whether or not you actually love her."

I scowled and shoved myself up to eye level with her, "Don't. You. Ever. Imply that I do not love Mira," I growled. Erza looked very startled and I let the fire in me cool quickly because I knew that she hadn't really meant it, "Mira happens to absolutely adore you and considers you and Cana her very dearest friends. I know for a fact she wants to have a romp with you two just as wild as anything she does with me. It's what her break up with Laxus was over."

Erza's eyes went wide, "What?! Mira never told us anything about it!"

I nodded, "Mira wanted to have a threesome. Laxus thought she meant with another guy and flipped out and stormed off before she could explain. That's why she wanted to wait six months before we picked up again, was so that she could have time to corner that stupid shock jockey and figure out if there's anything still there."

Erza laid her head back and closed her eyes to groan, "Oh god Mira…"

I nodded, "Mmhmm. Imagine how I felt about it. I almost had a child on the way."

Erza jumped like I had tasered her, "WHAT?!"

I raised an eyebrow, "Remember how I showed up to the train station?"

Erza thought for a moment and then frowned, "Not everyone uses Archive for a flawless memory."

"I had just come straight from a not-so-quicky with Mira," I reminded her, "and neither of us thought about the fact that it was not a safe day. She remembered that night and took her contraceptive jelly, so she's not pregnant," I added, "But she flat out told me that she would've said the hell with it and let the chips fall where they may if not for that big what if with Laxus." I took a breath, "She told me she doesn't feel like she's ready for that yet, and I agree. That would be very rush rush and as great as we are together, I can't deny that things go wrong and we may wind up falling apart before that happens." I sighed, "It doesn't change the fact that it's one of the two things I want most in the world."

"What's the other one?" Erza asked after a moment.

"The closest I'm ever going to get is currently wrapped around me like a snake," I told her quietly.

"…Me?" Erza asked quietly.

"You saw the memory on the boat," I remembered quietly, "You know how much of an impact she had. I guess now it makes perfect sense why you latched onto it and everything else about her so hard. Did you know then?"

Erza nodded slowly and reached up to gently rub the side of my face that my circuits had seemingly permanently manifested on, "I've known since the instant I saw your face. How could I not?"

I grimaced, "I guess that makes sense. I'm, sorry I didn't recognize you as quickly."

Erza smiled, "It's not your fault. My eye's a lot different from a glass one."

I looked at the eye that I now knew to be a magical prosthetic, "Even knowing it's fake, I can't tell any difference between it and the real one."

We were quiet for a moment and then Erza asked, "Do you think that anything would've happened between you and her if she had lived?"

I smiled sadly, "You might remember that King Gilgamesh showed me the other worlds where she survived, the worlds I couldn't bear to sacrifice to bring her back in my own. In most of them, yes Erza. She became either my adopted and very overprotected sister, or my first, and last, girlfriend, and the me's of those timelines love her every bit as much as I do Mira."

"…So, do you think, if Jellal…" she bit her lip and wouldn't meet my gaze.

"If he hadn't been tortured into insanity would he have been the fairy tale prince you deserve?" I finished quietly. Erza nodded and I thought for a second, "As much as I hate him, I hate him because he is still very much me. He thinks the same way I do, and if not for the obsession with reviving Zeref, going by what I saw of his mind when I ripped all his knowledge of magic out last night, he'd be exactly like me in every way, except even more hopelessly smitten with you."

Erza did meet my gaze then, "Hopelessly smitten?"

Now it was my turn to avert my gaze from hers, with an added blush, "I'm not going to lie Erza. Even before I knew who you were, you're like a magnet to me. You're powerful, beautiful, smart, strong willed, kind and actually very fun to be around. If I wasn't already so caught up with Mira, I think I'd honestly have fallen just as hard for you on this mission. You're amazing," I admitted quietly, "And honestly, I think I may wind up falling for you yet. If I'd met you first, nobody else would've stood a chance. This six months, four and a half now," I corrected myself, "may put paid to my relationship with Mira if I keep hanging around you like we have for the last month."

Then I had to smirk lightly, "Except for the fact that she'd probably jump in bed with both of us at a moment's notice. I'm not sure how she feels about three way relationships, but I know it can be done. Either of you would be a dream come true, both of you?" I snorted lightly, "I'd go ahead and thank my lucky stars that I did somehow get into Heaven."

Erza smiled lightly, "Do you really think you could handle both of us at once?"

I grinned, "I think you'd help me with each other and we'd balance out." Erza contemplated that for a second and in the quiet I added, "No matter what though, I'm always going to do whatever I can to protect you."

Erza's gaze snapped back into focus as I explained, "Even if Erica wasn't you, she was close enough that all the emotions I had regarding her are likely to stick themselves to you now. You're not her stand in. You're not her ghost. I know that, but I'm still going to protect you like I should have protected her, and like he should've protected you."

Erza started slightly as she realized what I was implying, "That's not your fault! His actions are his! You beat yourself up too much already! Don't go taking responsibility for the actions of someone else as well!"

I smiled, "Erza if I accepted the guilt for his actions, I'd have killed him no matter what you said and then blown my own head off immediately after. I'm going to protect you because I think you deserve protecting whether you need it or not. I'll protect everybody," I added quietly, "but you're just a little bit special to me now ya know?"

Erza cupped my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes for what seemed like a long time and then she smiled, "What am I going to do with you? Saying things like that and being all romantic even when you insist you're not…you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers, "I'd say let's experiment and find out, but I think we both know what's going to happen if we start in this position, and I'm pretty sure even a kiss from you right now would drive me to madness with you wrapped around me like this."

Even so close and out of focus, I could tell Erza was blushing the color of her hair.

Then an alarm clock suddenly went off on the night stand next to us and was promptly cut in half as Erza shot a reflexive glare down the length of her sword at it. You'd expect that to be a total mood killer right?

Then she glanced at me and started to blush in embarrassment and looked so damn cute that I couldn't help it, I swooped in for a kiss. It was a quick kiss, I didn't give it time to start a fire, but damn if that starstruck expression on her face didn't come close to igniting the inferno anyway!

I teleported onto the couch before I could cave to my instincts and stared at the ceiling, "Hoooly crap, cannot be that close to you…"

I looked at her and realized the top four buttons of her pajamas were undone. I got a brief glimpse of almost half a breast and blushed as red as the tousled hair framing that magnificently aroused blush. "I'ma-go-get-breakfast-see-you-soon-when-I-can-maybe-possibly-resist-the-urge-to-jump-your-bones-like-a-rabbit-in-heat-bye!"

I teleported to the roof and rolled around with my face in my hands, dying of embarrassment and wishing so much that I could delete the memory, OH MY GOD I AM SUCH A HOPELESS FUCKING HORNDOG DORK! GODDAMMIT HOW IS SHE SO PERFECT?!

...


Later


...

Erza and I hadn't been able to meet each other's gaze since that morning without immediately blushing and averting our eyes.

Gajeel of course had cottoned on to it immediately and asked me quite bluntly if we banged. Cue both of us blushing as red as Erza's hair and a very interesting half choked squawk from Dimaria that I didn't comment on as Erza and I chorused, "Of course not!" Then we glanced at each other and back away, our blushes intensifying.

I swear I think Gajeel's grin was about to split his head in two, "Ahhh…finished too quick?"

"NO!" Erza and I chorused again.

"So you had fun then?" he asked Erza.

"Nothing happened!" She protested.

"Ahhh so you fell out of bed and were too embarrassed to finish?"

"NO!"

Finally Levy came to the rescue, "Gajeel, just because all of the above and then some happened to us last night doesn't mean it happened to anyone else. Now stop teasing them and we'll have some more fun later."

Gajeel looked like a chalk statue with his face a caricature of shock and horror as Natsu and Lucy doubled up laughing. Dimaria and Happy looked utterly floored and I could hear Erza snickering along with me.

We were able to piece together from what the Council told us that Mystogan had taken over Jellal's alias Siegrain and was as such now considered a Wizard Saint. They thanked us for our actions and congratulated us on our victory. We thought about hopping on my Card Car, but as I took my cards out to form it, I paused, "Nah. You know what? Too slow." I slipped my cards back up my sleeve and snapped my fingers. A portal popped open on the street leading to the Guild Hall. I gestured with a smile, "Shall we?"

"Why didn't you just do this to get us here once we hit Hargeon?" Dimaria asked curiously as we stepped through into Magnolia, "I mean clearly you didn't from Minstrel because of the distance, but if you can jump us this far, why not use it as soon as we got back into the country?"

I looked at her in surprise and everyone else looked at me in surprise. It occurred to me that we could've dodged the whole Tower incident if we had just teleported. It also occurred to me that Jellal would've just ambushed us later at a date when we would probably be in a lot worse shape to deal with him if the previous night's events hadn't happened then. "I like flying! I'm just kind of impatient to be home right now. Speaking of," I added with a grin as I headed for the corner that would bring the Guild Hall into view, "I hope you're ready! Welcome to-WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE GUILD HALL?!"

I could've teleported, I could've flown. Instead I took off at a dead run as panic filled my mind too much for either of those non reflexive actions to occur, "SHITSHITSHIT!"

It wasn't until I all but flew over the top of the steps that I saw that whatever had happened hadn't happened recently. The building was already well on its way to being rebuilt. Cana laughed at me from where she was sitting on a pile of lumber with a bottle in her hand, "Welcome back Handsome!" Cue Gildarts looming over me and giving me a death glare that earned a look of confusion from me as Cana just laughed even harder.

"Quit glarin' at me unless this is somehow my fault!" I snapped, "And given that I didn't leave anything here which should've gone boom, I feel pretty sure it wasn't me this time! So what the hell happened to the Guild Hall?"

Gildarts actually stopped looming to look at me in surprise, "Nobody's told you yet?"

"Told me what?!" I demanded.

"Mira lost her temper for the first time in years," Cana declared dryly before taking another drink as I whipped around to look at her, "Turns out she's just as strong as she ever was. Did all that…" she tilted her head towards the halfway rebuilt Guild Hall, "In one shot. Dunno what Laxus said to piss her off that much, but she pretty much hasn't come out of her room in six weeks and we still haven't figured out where she blasted Laxus off to, or if he's even alive. Mira's okay, she lets me in to talk to her and I've been by to check on her every day," she added, "She's just really torn up about it. You should really be ashamed of yourself, making me run like this to keep up a conversation while I'm drinking. I'll let it go this time though because it's actually really sweet that you're so concerned about her."

I had made it up to 'hasn't come out of her room in six weeks' before I took off like a shot from a gun, Erza quickly falling in step behind me as Cana easily loped along beside me. We reached Mira and Elfman's house right as Elfman was coming out the front door. I teleported past him because I could hear Mira's mental signature upstairs, "Hi Elfman! 'Scuse me Elfman! Sorry Elfman!"

I bounded up the stairs three at a time, tripped on the twelfth step and scrabbled my way up the remaining three before scrambling back to my feet and shooting down the hallway to Mira's room. I took a second to catch my breath and just as I was raising my hand to knock, Mira opened the door.

She looked at me in surprise and I could tell that Cana had been right. Mira's hair was down and highly disheveled, not in the glorious way a romp would make it either. Her cheeks and eyes were red and puffy from crying, her scent was decidedly off in a 'haven't fooled with personal hygiene in a while' way, and her pajamas were beyond rumpled and dirty. "Jerry?!"

I immediately hugged her and got a surprised noise, "J-Jerry, why are you here?! I thought you were going to be gone for months!" That didn't change the fact that she was immediately hanging onto me like a lifeline though.

I held her a little tighter, "Finished the quest, we're all back. Heard you were upset as soon as I got to the Guild Hall and came over as fast as I could. Would've been here a hell of a lot sooner if I'd known."

On came the waterworks. I held onto her and stroked her hair as I tried to console her and it was approximately as horrible as the feeling I'd gotten when I realized who Erza was. A different brand of horrible, but just as bad nonetheless. There is something inherently wrong about Mira being sad, and this was not mere 'sad', this was heartbroken, gut wrenching, body wracking sobs.

There was also a very small little chunk of my mind formulating a plan to beat down Laxus just as hard as I had Jellal for making Mira cry, but that's beside the point.

I stood there with Mira for what seemed like forever and then when Mira's bawling had faded to sniffling, Erza and Cana stepped up. "Mira," Erza didn't seem to know what to say, but the hand on her shoulder and concern was enough to make Mira reach out and tug Erza and then Cana as well into the hug. A little bit of quiet coaxing later they convinced Mira to let them help her get a shower, and I went with Elfman to help fix something to eat.

"I hate to see her cry, but I think she's been holding that in since it happened," Elfman told me quietly as we started fixing the food. My gut (possibly my magic) was telling me that Mira needed breakfast, so breakfast it was. Elfman was fixing waffles and I was on bacon and omelets.

"Any idea what happened?" I asked, not taking my eyes off my work and trying hard to quell the murderous impulses screaming for me to go hunt Laxus down.

"Not a clue," Elfman replied, "The first thing anybody knew about it was Mira's magic activating full power right before the Guild Hall exploded. Nobody's seen or heard from Laxus since, and all we really know is what Cana's been able to coax out of her. Master says she told him what happened and he won't punish her for demolishing the Guild Hall, but he won't tell anyone what it was."

"Which is?"

"Entirely Laxus's fault," Elfman declared, "Apparently Mira cornered him in the basement to get some closure on their former relationship. She won't tell anyone what he said, but it was bad enough that she went full Satan Soul and cut loose an attack that would've vaporized most people if they got caught in it. Soul Extinction is one of her biggest attacks, and that's definitely what that was. I've seen her take out monsters strong enough to level entire towns in one shot with that spell. Laxus is pretty absurdly tough, but there's no way that didn't do a number on him. Judging by the fact that he hasn't made it back yet, I'd say he's either smart enough to not dare show his face around here, or she hit him with it point blank and he's probably still too injured to even think about crawling back."

"If Mira gives me even the slightest go ahead, he's going to wish that attack had killed him," I growled darkly.

Elfman looked at me in shock, "Wait, you're seriously thinking about taking on Laxus?"

"I don't care if he's stronger than Master Precht," I snarled as I smashed a particularly crinkly piece of bacon back flat with my telekinesis, "Making Mira cry even once is unacceptable. This makes two, which is two more reasons than I need to be out for blood. If it weren't for the fact that bringing it up would probably make Mira even more upset, and that I'd much rather be here trying to make her happy again, I'd already be hunting him down to rip him into as many teeny tiny pieces as I can, and SCREW fighting fair," I growled, "I never want to see Mira hurting like this ever again. If I ever fight that fucker I'm going straight for the kill."

"As glad as I am that Mira has such a devoted lover," Master drawled from behind me where he was perched on the table, "Don't."

My head snapped around, when did he get here?! "Kaaay…why?"

"Number one he's my grandson, so idiot who thoroughly deserves a pummeling though he may be, I still don't ever want to see him dead," Master declared, "And number two, he's also a member of this guild, which means killing him or even an earnest attempt would get you kicked out, and that would make Mira just as upset as she is now."

"Still a valid existence to people I care about, fine, I won't kill him," I grumbled as I turned back to my cooking, "Still angry."

"And rightly so," Master agreed, "But violence is not the answer. Even if it were, it'd be Mira's place to issue it, and she's already done so quite thoroughly. As Elfman pointed out, Laxus is most likely still feeling the results of his brash words quite clearly even now. Mira did indeed blast him point blank and he has numerous broken bones, his entire front was one massive bruise with blood leaking out of pretty much everywhere, and his back was thoroughly shredded by the blast driving him through the floor, three walls and part of the roof. His landing over ten miles away wasn't anything like soft either. Even though he'll make a full recovery, Mira's attack came extremely close to killing him. I'm not sure she realizes just how close," he added before explaining, "I sent his closest friends, the Thunder Legion, to make sure he wasn't dead which is how I know how he's doing, and they are under strict orders to keep him away from the Guild Hall until at least the Harvest Festival two weeks from now, at which point I hope everyone will be calmed down. Especially the people who weren't even here at the time," he added sharply.

I grimaced and made some noncommittal noises before growling, "Fine, I'll calm down." I smiled thinly, "Hearing that Mira gave him an ass kicking on the scale I would have actually helps a lot."

"Speaking of ass kickings," Master mused as he tried to change the subject, "How'd things go last night with that Jellal guy? Mystogan's already reported about the battle at Era, but he didn't know anything about what happened with all of you."

"I beat him as hard as I could until I couldn't beat him anymore, and the only reason I didn't splatter his skull like an egg is because Erza stopped me at the last second," I told him quietly as I flipped an omelet, "I ripped out all his knowledge of magic and probably gave him some rather extensive brain damage since I drained him so hard he went into Magic Deficiency Syndrome for the majority of his beating. Even if he wasn't likely to spend the rest of his life in prison, I doubt he'd ever be able to lead a normal life again. I'm honestly surprised he's still alive," I mused, "that was definitely not my intention when I started. If Erza hadn't been there, there wouldn't even have been a body left."

"I wasn't aware you could drain magic from a person while it was still in them," Master noted.

"I can't," I admitted, "He was trying so hard to get away that he burned through nearly all of his magic trying to break free of my draining abilities."

"What did he do?" Elfman asked curiously before clarifying, "I haven't heard anything about it yet."

"Jerry's counterpart from Earthland was a very dear childhood friend of mine prior to going insane and blackmailing me for years with the lives of my friends on the line to keep quiet about his evil plan," Erza declared, prompting me to whip around to see her wearing a white blouse, her blue skirt and a towel as she dried her hair, "Needless to say, Jerry took a rather exceptional degree of offense to him trying to use me as a sacrifice to revive Zeref and proceeded to beat him to within a hair's breadth of killing him."

"Counterpart? So what, you mean like Jerry's got an evil twin or something?" Elfman asked curiously.

"Triplets," I declared as I set the freshly finished omelet on a plate with the others, "Mystogan's the third one."

Elfman and Erza both looked at me in shock and Master nodded, "Do you know if he's going to stop putting sleep spells on everybody now that he's not going to be confused for his evil twin?"

"He's taken over Jellal's alias Siegrain and his title as a Wizard Saint, so I expect he'll be a little bit less reluctant to show his face," I replied, "Doesn't change the fact that he's actually pretty shy. Jellal was me but completely insane, Mystogan's me but almost cripplingly shy. Or, I suppose I'm Mystogan but foul tempered and not a Holder Mage."

"But, you have a great temper," Mira noted as she came into the kitchen with Cana.

"I have a great temper around you because I don't want you to see me as a raging asshole," I declared, "My temper's gotten the better of me and reduced me to a screaming raging nut, hell bent on beating the shit out of somebody at least twice in the last month and a half. Was almost three times this morning," I added.

"And those times were?" Cana asked as she and Erza sat down at the table.

"When the team got our asses handed to us and scattered across the desert, when Jellal hit me in the face with the Abyss Break and kidnapped the whole team except for me, really sorry about yelling at you last night by the way," I added to Master, "and this morning when I found out someone made you cry," I finished as I set a plate down in front of Mira and gave her a kiss on the cheek that got me a small soft smile that made me want to hold her close and kiss her and tell her exactly how much I love her. Unfortunately, I still had to put down the other plates and Mira needed to eat, so my desire for Mira cuddles would have to wait.

"Sooo basically you only get angry when people you care about are in danger or hurt, or when somebody messes with your girlfriend," Cana mused as I set down her plate, "Cause the only other time I've ever seen you mad is that one time Gray iced you from behind, and even then you were just joining in an ongoing brawl."

I paused, "Well when you put it like that…"

"Honestly I'd be more worried if that wasn't your reaction in those situations," Master mused as he picked up his knife and fork and started eating, "It's perfectly normal to be furious when your loved ones are threatened. And don't worry about last night, I understand entirely."

I set the last plate down in front of Elfman and then realized, "Did I forget one?" I looked around and realized, "Forgot to make one for myself. Making one for myself!" I declared as I whirled and resumed cooking.

Everyone ate quietly for a moment and then Master asked, "So, how'd the quest go, aside from the obvious success?"

Erza and I spent the next hour trying to recount as much as we could of the journey. After we were done Mira looked across the table at me, "So you did have a girlfriend before me? I thought you said I was your first everything!"

I gulped down what was left of the bite in my mouth, "My memory of Mordred was completely suppressed by His Majesty's memory block, as far as I knew up until I broke through the block, it never happened, and it was something I couldn't even conceive of happening let alone forgetting. Yes though, I did technically tell you an untruth, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. On the upside though," I added with a grin, "Along with those memories came my memory of everything I'd forgotten about how to be good in the sack, so I'm looking forward to brushing the dust off some old tricks with you at the very first opportunity."

Mira blushed and leaned against me, smiling a little shyly, "Well ah…since I'm definitely not getting back together with Laxus…you remember that thing I wanted to do that made him dump me?"

Threesome with Erza or Cana? I asked her telepathically.

And Erza says you and her have got some insane chemistry… Mira added as she grinned up at me mischievously before glancing over at Erza who suddenly blushed as red as her hair. It didn't take a genius to guess that she'd figured out what Mira was suggesting.

Master and Elfman were looking at us in confusion and curiosity, neither of them had noticed Erza's utterly crimson blush. Cana on the other hand noticed. She looked at Erza, looked at us, back at Erza and then she gave me and Mira a very flat look, "If you two are about to have a threesome with Erza then you had better not even think about leaving me out of it."

Mira and I both blushed just as red as Erza while Master and Elfman's jaws hit the table. "CANA!" Erza protested, "T-that's ridiculous! They weren't thinking that! T-tell them you two!"

Mira smiled slightly as her blush receded, "Um…actually… yeah I kinda was, if you're up for it. Of course you're very welcome to join too Cana."

Master, Elfman and especially Erza looked like their brains had broken. Cana for her part just started cracking up and waved her hands at Elfman and Master, "Alright you two! Shoo shoo! It's party time!" she added before leaning over to give Mira an extremely hot tongue kiss.

Erza stood up immediately, her blush back in full force, "Okay, time to go! Glad to see you're feeling better Mira, ah, we'll just be going now." Mira shot her a thumbs up without breaking off her lip lock with Cana, "Um…have fun!" She immediately grabbed Master and hauled Elfman along by the back of his shirt as she quickly headed for the door. Elfman looked like he might be going into shock, and Master just acted very blasé about the whole thing. Even as Erza grabbed him up and carried him off, he caught his plate, fork and glass of juice to take along with him, acting like he'd seen it all before to the point where it held no interest to him (except for the fact that the kooky old perv's eyes were the size of saucers and locked on Mira and Cana until he was all the way out the door, not that I can blame him).

When she heard the front door slam behind them, Cana came up for air and looked up at me with a grin, "I am very sober right now." A quick telepathic check revealed that yes indeed she was, and so I returned the ensuing kiss with much enthusiasm.

...


Thirty Minutes Later


...

"Wow you two are intense," Cana panted as she rolled off Mira to land on me instead since I had just laid down next to her. The feel of her bare bottom coming to rest on my equally bare lap elicited the natural reaction despite how hard we'd all just finished. Cana immediately sat up and rubbed experimentally, "What the hell even are you?! How are you ready to go again already?!"

I tugged Mira over to me with my right arm and she happily snuggled into my side as I grinned, "Quite probably the happiest man in the world right now."

Cana blinked at me and then smiled, "Geez you two are mushy, alright, lemme see if I can't make you a little happier then, Mr. Happiest man in the world." She turned around and in about three minutes of bouncing glorious heaven slammed her hips to mine a final time and let out a low heart pounding moan as she finished, sending me over the edge as well in the process.

She didn't quite fall forward, but that one had clearly rattled most of the strength out of her if the way she flopped on my chest panting was any indication. I took this particular moment to try to focus on the ceiling and not on the unbelievably gorgeous women I had just made love to. They're tired, they're exhausted, do not think about it. Do not think about it. DO. NOT. THINK. ABOUT. THE BOOBS. Oh god boobs…such great boobs…Cana's…Mira's…both of them! At the same ti…NONONO! Bad Jerry! BAD!

"Holy crap it's going up again…" Cana mused in a slightly drunk tone before giggling, "Miraaa…how are you not pregnant yet dating this…machine? God…" She put her hands on my chest and pushed herself upright, giving me the most excited and pleased smile and for just an instant in the low light looked just like Mordred and…

"Oh god…" BOOM.

When I came to a minute later, Mira and Cana were both looking at me in surprise. I couldn't catch my breath, my heart was hammering and honestly my dick hurt a little from that one. As soon as they were sure I was awake, Mira started circling her fingernail over my heart, "So…Mordred huh?"

I went a bit pale, Oh shit, did I say that out loud? "Um…yeah. That look Cana just gave me was the exact same one Mo-chan used to."

"Must've been one hell of a look," Cana mused, "That was definitely the hardest orgasm you've had today."

"It was hot," Mira clarified before looking at me, "Although I'm a little bit concerned over you going off like that groaning the name of a girl who's not even here."

I grimaced, "One thing ya gotta understand, Mordred's a ghost." That got a pair of raised eyebrows so I smiled and pushed myself a little more upright, "That's right, I still haven't told you what all was behind that memory block have I?" So I spent the next hour or so explaining the Holy Grail War and what all had happened in it.

Cana and Mira were much better listeners than the team had been. They only interrupted once to ask if I had pictures (I did) and when I was done, they asked if there was any way I could summon Mordred again.

I blinked at the question, "I…don't think so. I mean, there might be a way, but it would be extremely difficult. If I ever get back home and can observe the Grail's systems, then I might be able to replicate and modify it, allowing it to generate permanent, independent manifestations rather than temporary contracted servants. The sky high amounts of ethernano here would make powering it a breeze, but I'd have to go home for that and I might not be able to come back if I do. Besides, that would make it basically a perfected R-System, which I'm pretty sure would not go over well."

"Well that's completely out of the question then. Do you think she'd like us?" Mira asked curiously.

"Like you?" I laughed, "She'd be in this bed with us right now wearing all three of us out! I'm an insatiable horndog yeah, but I've got absolutely nothing on Mordred's stamina. She could probably finish off three of me one after the other and still be ready for another round! If we hadn't had other pressing issues like the War, I don't think she would've let me out of the bed for the entire three weeks we were together."

Cana sighed and ran a hand through her hair, incidentally giving us a great view, "Speaking of being together, since you two clearly are back together now, should…we talk about where I fit in? 'Cause, this has been…fun, and I'd kinda like to do it more often. Should we…I dunno, set up some kind of rules or something or…?"

"Nope," I replied immediately, "Rules are made to be broken and creating some sort of system is simply asking for it to break down." I smiled, "It's very simple." I kissed Mira, "I love you…" I pushed us both upright with my telekinesis so I could kiss Cana, "And I'm well on my way to loving you if that's what you want. And you two are best friends right?"

Mira smiled at me a little crookedly, "So basically you think we should just proceed with a relationship the same way we did with sex?"

I nodded and Cana grinned, "So I can jump either of your bones whenever huh?"

"And we'll return the favor sometimes," Mira added as she drew Cana into a kiss that made her shiver in my lap. Given that I hadn't pulled out yet…

Cana's eyes went wide and she looked at me in surprise, "Again?"

I grinned crookedly, "It has been an hour…"

Cana stared for a second and then huffed lightly with a grin, "Hey Mira, you don't mind if I get pregnant right? I have a feeling he's gonna knock us both up before too long."

Mira shrugged with a small smile, "Eh. Goes with the territory. I'm sure Mr. Billionaire here can handle it." It registered briefly with me that she knew about our insane haul from Mattachu and then she completely derailed that train of thought by pressing against me with a grin, "How many kids did that pharaoh have again? Over a hundred? I don't think I can stand having that many by myself."

Cana grinned and started to gyrate her hips eeever so tantalizingly slowly, "A hundred? We need to get Erza in on this sooner rather than later then. She's a billionaire too now, right?"

A sudden terror briefly overrode the building pleasure as it occurred to me that I might be in bed with two gold diggers looking for lockdown babies. I didn't want to even consider the possibility. Mira wasn't like that… Cana wasn't like that…They couldn't be like that… I knew the instant the possibility occurred to me that it would absolutely destroy me. Losing Erica had been awful, it had come within an inch of killing me no matter whether I'd ever admit those instances of considering those knives so enticing an alternative to dealing with the guilt or not. Losing Mira? And now Cana as well? Especially like that? I'd be nothing but a husk, a shambling corpse a thousand times worse than I was between Erica's death and meeting His Majesty! If losing Enkidu had almost killed Gilgamesh, and he openly admitted it had, then I knew that if I lost Mira and Cana to something like that? Forget killing me, there wouldn't be enough left of me to kill.

Suddenly acutely aware that it might as well be my very soul on the line (I knew Lancelot's story entirely too well), there was only one thing to do.

"Mira, Cana, I'm sorry, I gotta look." They both looked very surprised and then very offended as I jumped into their minds one after the other without a single further word of warning to determine their intentions.

To my overwhelming relief and delight, neither of them had the slightest intention of that sort. They were…actually doing this because they liked me. They legitimately thought that highly of me! They thought I was good husband material! Good dad potential! Mira thought I'd make adorable babies! They'd both thought that even before I was obscenely wealthy! The compliment inherent in all that was praise higher than anything I could've ever hoped for, and I immediately felt like an absolute heel for doubting them for even a second.

I'm not gonna lie, it brought tears to my eyes. I grabbed them both into a hug, "Oh my god I am so sorry! I should never have doubted you! So sorry so sorry so sorry…"

It took them a second and then Cana demanded, "Wait a minute, did you think we were doing this just for the money?"

I looked her right in the eye and downloaded a few statistics and a bit of mainstream 'culture' (I use that term in the loosest sense with the maximum degree of contempt) from home into her and Mira's heads that explained exactly why I had been worried.

They both looked at me in shock and horror, and Mira found her voice first, "A forty percent divorce rate?"

"Your world. Is messed. UP." Cana declared firmly. I nodded silently and hung my head, still very ashamed that I had doubted them. Then Cana lifted my chin, looked me in the eye and smiled at me more than a little seductively, "So it's a good thing you're not there anymore, right?"

Mira whispered in my ear, "You're here, and you're ours." DINGDINGDING AND WE'RE OFF!

Our earlier lovemaking thoroughly paled in comparison to the intensity of what followed that absolute affirmation of trust and affection. There was absolutely nothing that either of them could've said or done to wrap my heart more firmly around their fingers. I vaguely wonder if they knew that at the time, but at the same time, I really don't care because I know now that they'd never use our relationship to hurt me.

I am the luckiest man I knew right then to be an absolute FACT, and nobody is ever going to dissuade me of that fact. I was even sure that I had not somehow died and gone to Heaven because I now knew that Mordred would've been there waiting for me if I had. Which also brought to mind the definite need to find a way to get her back, somehow. Not just Mo-chan, I added to myself that night as I lay awake in bed with my two angels on either side of my chest, Everybody.

.

.

.


...

NEXT TIME on Mad Little Slice of Heaven...

...

Cana sputtered for a moment in surprise and then as Gildarts let go and was about to run away, she grabbed him and hugged him back, "Come back safe okay?"

Gildarts hugged her and it was a very sweet moment.

Said sweet moment was interrupted by a sound like a thunderclap swiftly followed by Gray's naked butt flying through the air and only missing the two of them because I threw up an Archive screen in between them and him. Gray slumped to the ground and I realized he had a bloody nose and looked like he'd stuck his finger in an electrical outlet. Then his balled up pants collided with his face.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOU PERVERT!" Dimaria roared across the construction site.