A/N: to lovelyhotaruu... im sorry im posting so late. this chapter is really long to make up for it, maybe. its the longest one ive ever written actually. i knew it as gonna be. daunting length, clashing weather, school being busier than usual, writing a xmas story in spring... it all conspired against me. normally id reread this story three times to make sure theres as few mistakes as possible, but ive been working on this on and off for months, so im just gonna post. if it sucks, oh well! i cant fix it rn i just dont have the energy. theres only 2 chapters left. im gonna work on them as much as i can before school picks up again and finally finish what has so far been a very fun story to write!

long story short: forgive me. take this long and tedious chapter as an apology.


CHAPTER FIVE: Are you watching Home Alone, too?


natsume's dare 7: an endless ride


December 23

MIKAN

"Who cares?" Sumire was saying over the phone. "I don't even remember that clown. Didn't he get expelled in middle school for vandalizing school property?"

"He's changed," Mikan said tentatively. "I think. I would like to forgive him. Maybe I can start to heal."

"Why does that require going on a date with him?" Sumire asked grumpily.

Mikan scoffed, affronted. "It's not a date! We're just going to a party together. As friends."

"What, so he's your friend now?" Was the sarcastic reply. "Anyway, you haven't said a single thing about Notebook Boy. I figured if you were going to go to a party with anybody, you'd choose him."

"Notebook Boy hasn't really responded since I sent him to do mochi. He's been kinda flaky recently."

"You got bored of him, huh?"

Mikan huffed. "Definitely not! I think he's the one who got bored of me!"

Sumire hummed triumphantly. "I see. I think I really get it now. You're mad at him for leaving you hanging so you're going out with that loser from middle school to get back at him. Are you gonna tell him about your little date? 'Dear Notebook Boy, sorry but I found someone else. If only you'd treated me better-'"

"I'm not gonna tell him!"

"Why not? I thought it wasn't a date, after all?"

Mikan was not happy with this conversation. She wanted someone to be on her side, to support her. Sumire was not doing a great job so far. She'd thought she would be more helpful than Hotaru though, but maybe that was a mistake. She needed nicer friends, ones who didn't try accusing her of being unfaithful or manipulative when she made innocent plans.

"I need to go," Mikan said.

"Ah, come on, Mikan. You need to talk to Notebook Boy. I'm sure he has a reason he's been skimping on the dares. I mean, Christmas is right around the corner, so maybe he's just busy with family stuff?"

"You're supposed to be on my side, not on some-guy-you-don't-even-know's side."

"I am on your side, Mikan. He's made you really happy, you know-"

"And now he made me sad," Mikan argued. "Good bye, Permy."

Mikan hung up, irritated. She was not in the wrong here, especially because it wasn't even a date. She glanced up to see Snarl, sitting on her dresser, looking grumpy and hurt.

"Don't look at me like that," she hissed. "It's your fault for not taking me out first. I'm here whenever you're ready! You jerk."

She hadn't mentioned Fiji to Sumire. She knew there would be chaos once she did, and she didn't even know how to bring it up. It was an impossible situation and Mikan did not want to think about it at all. It was easier to think about Mochu and Notebook Boy, though that topic wasn't anymore fun.

Mikan sighed. She probably shouldn't even go with Mochu. It's not like she liked him very much, even after his apology, and she was nervous about going to a party, especially when she wouldn't know anybody there. It probably wouldn't be any fun.

Normally, she'd go to Tsubasa for advice. He always knew exactly what to do, what was in her best interest, when to hold back or when to go for it. But he'd shown his true colors, had hurt her so flippantly and without remorse. Yeah, sure, he'd said sorry, but if he was so sorry then why'd he say any of that in the first place?

At some point, she wandered out of her bedroom and stood in front of Tsubasa's door, contemplating her choices and thinking about the pros and cons of lifting her knuckles up and knocking. She shook her head and pulled away. She wasn't ready to pretend like nothing happened. She'd need some time to get over all the mean things he'd said.

Then, her phone vibrated from her pants pocket. She checked the screen and her head felt like it was going to split open at the notification waiting for her.

A text, from Koko: he left the notebook for you! & a special treat ;)

Mikan jumped up with excitement. "Yes!" He hadn't forgotten her after all. She wondered what treat he could've left for her and immediately made for the front door. She couldn't wait another second.


"He's so full of himself," Koko said, leaning against the counter. "He was sure you'd be checking by here all the time for the notebook. I wanted to tell him that no you didn't. But then he'd ask me how I would know and… it's for the best that I let him think so highly of himself. Hope you didn't give up on him in the meantime."

Mikan felt her heart ache. She hadn't come by Yome's Pizza at all after that one guy had rudely told her over the phone to get a therapist. She'd been intent on punishing Notebook Boy for standing her up for so long. Maybe Permy had a point about Mochu. Had this all been some subconscious scheme to get back at Notebook Boy? Right now she secretly wished her arrangements were to go with Notebook Boy to the party instead.

It was troubling, how Mikan kept flitting between being angry or upset with Notebook Boy for forgetting about her and then lighting up and walking on air whenever he called around again. She was worried about how much control he had over her emotions. She felt weak and powerless about it, like she cared way more about their relationship - or bond - or whatever it was between them - than he did. He had other girls in his life, after all. Maybe there was a part of her that wanted to put a barrier of her own between them, to show him that she had other things going on for her too. Boys in her life, people to hang out with. But it was a lie. Notebook Boy could take his time responding and leaving behind the notebook and Mikan would run right over to Yome's at the drop of a hat. Notebook Boy knew it too. He was counting on the fact that she was obsessed with him, that she'd been pacing in front of Yome's, waiting for the red notebook to appear. It wasn't fair.

"Thanks," Mikan said to Koko, smiling, pretending like everything was peachy.

Koko grinned in response. "Well, here's your Christmas-Eve-Eve present from him." He handed over the red notebook. "He's really nervous about this entry."

Mikan looked at the red cover for a moment. This notebook kept passing hands, from Mikan to Otonashi to Notebook Boy to Hotaru to Koko to everyone in the city. Maybe it had been touched by someone else, by Chouko.

"Hey, you know how Kitsu was saying that I'm not the only girl in his life? What did he mean?"

"Well, I mean, you have a really old dad, right?"

"No?"

"Who was that old geezer you came here for dinner with that one time then?"

"That was my grandpa!" Mikan snapped.

Koko shrugged. "Whatever. So I guess my man's not the only guy in your life then, right?"

Mikan didn't get it.

"You should get going," Koko suggested. "He's got a schedule for you. But here's your treat. A slice of pizza to go for your travels."

Mikan frowned, unsatisfied, but she took the notebook and the triangular to-go box and turned away.

"You don't have to leave!" Koko cried. "I kinda wanna see your reaction and maybe I can tag along-"

Mikan stuck her tongue out at him and walked out the door, still frustrated that he hadn't given any satisfying explanation for Kitsu's comment.

She walked for a few blocks, nervous to open the notebook. She'd been very excited to run to Yome's but once she got there she wondered why she was always so eager to drop everything to hear from him. How come she was willing to forgive him so easily each time? Whatever was inside the notebook was probably some excuse, or a clue for the next trip. Whichever it was, Mikan knew she'd get swept away.

Eventually she made it to Alice Park, where she sat on a bench by the statue of Alice. He'd been here. Maybe he'd even sat on this very same bench, though he apparently preferred the seating in trees to these very fine iron benches. He'd been there by the Alice statue, had left the notebook there for her. She stared in that direction for a few minutes, imagining him bending over and reaching up and contemplating where best to leave the notebook. He had a blank face and she ran through the possibilities for what his hair looked like.

She inhaled, somewhat wistfully, before finally opening the notebook to see what surprise he'd left for her.

Hi Mikan,

I'm sure you have plenty of plans because this season is your favorite, but I was wondering if you'd be willing to spend the rest of today and tomorrow with me.

Mikan's eyes widened with excitement (he wanted to meet!) until she continued reading and the smile that had quickly overtaken her face dropped away.

Through the notebook, of course. It can be business as usual, but on Christmas I have something special planned. You can think of it as a lame Christmas present. It's not really lame, but maybe it is. If you're willing to "hang out" with me tomorrow, then you'll get a present under your tree from me Christmas morning.

Just let me know if you're up for it.

If you have time tonight, meanwhile, I wanted to send you someplace special to me, a place I think you'll really like. I have plans with someone for later tonight, but I wanted to fit something in for you. I think you might have fun. Otherwise I would never mention it.

Mikan sighed again. She didn't know how to feel. Of course she was excited. A Christmas present under her tree! How was he going to manage that? But he hadn't even mentioned the long wait she'd endured, how she had suffered without his reply after the mochi. He hadn't even mentioned the mochi!

She followed his directions and walked for what felt like forever.

I feel weird sending you here because it's really close to my house actually but I can't help it. This place is Christmas to me, more than anything else, if I have to be positive about it. My mom used to take us here after dark when it was snowing. It's the prettiest this time of year.

Mikan finally reached it and her shoulders sagged. It was so hard being mad at him when he was always so sweet.

He had led her to a carousel.

They're kind of lame, but this one lights up and the horses look cool I guess. Maybe this is a stupid dare. I just thought I could show you something I used to really like about Christmas.

"It's not lame," Mikan sniffled to herself. "It's beautiful."

The carousel was lit up with golden lights. It wasn't too late, a little after four, so there weren't a lot of people crowding around. She rushed forward so she could get on for the next round.

The guy at the start of the line was an enthusiastic and cheerful worker. Rides were pretty cheap.

Mikan held out the cash to pay, but he glanced at her red notebook and shook his head. "You're Mikan?" he asked. When she nodded, he grinned. "You have unlimited rides, all on our mutual friend's tab."

"Really?" Mikan asked.

"Really! As many times as you want!"

Mikan felt her eyes water. Why had she been mad at Notebook Boy again? She couldn't remember. She picked a horse, one that looked a little grumpy, like Snarl, like Notebook Boy. She put her arms around its neck and the carousel went around in speedy circles. The neighborhood around the carousel seemed to glimmer like a kaleidoscope, the Christmas lights on the houses blending together as the horses spun around.

She went several rounds on the horse, feeling light and happy. The only thing that would make this better was if Notebook Boy were there on the horse next to hers.

Have fun for as long as you want, was the last thing he'd written. She jotted down her reply in between rides, thanking him profusely. She felt dizzy, and only part of that was from spinning around on the carousel for so long. Her heart was so full it could burst. There was a foolish word floating around her brain, one she couldn't ignore but was afraid to actually say properly, so she hid it in an inconspicuous phrase he wouldn't look twice at.

After a few rides, she turned her head and saw a mother with her little son, excitedly giggling as the ride went around.

She imagined she was watching a flashback, a memory, that this was Notebook Boy and his mom, spinning around on the horses and smiling with awe at the sparkly lights.

The carousel slowed down and the worker announced that the ride was ending and for everyone to hop off carefully.

"Let's go again, Mommy!" the little boy cried.

"Honey, I'd love to, but we should get going. Two times is enough, right?"

"Why can't we go just one more time?" he pleaded.

"We're tight on money as it is-"

Mikan hopped off the horse. "Hey, you guys can stay on as long as you like," she told the mother. "I have unlimited rides, so I'll just give them to you."

"Oh no, we couldn't possibly accept-"

"No, you guys have fun. And happy holidays."

She smiled at them before carefully getting off the ride and approached the enthusiastic worker at the front of the line. "Hey, I'm giving my unlimited rides to that kid and his mom," she told him. "I had a great time. You can tell him that." She pressed the notebook into his hands and then walked away, happier than she thought she could be.

Yes, was the first word she wrote back. I would love to spend every second of the next two days "hanging out" with you.


NATSUME

"Did she have a good time?" Natsume asked the guy. He wasn't sure of his name, and wasn't interested in learning it. He didn't really go to the carousel anymore. It didn't feel the same after his mother had passed away.

"She told me to tell you she had a great time." The guy handed off the notebook. "That's one great girl you've got. She went for a few spins and then she gave the rest of her rides to a little kid and his mom. They're still on there." He pointed them out to Natsume. "They're having a blast. You should let her know that they're grateful. And thank you, for making them happy, as well as your girlfriend."

Natsume let himself smile. He didn't know this guy at all, so he didn't feel like defending himself. "Yeah…"

The man seemed to understand that he was hesitant. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is she not your girlfriend? I shouldn't have assumed. I just thought-"

"She is," Natsume blurted. "Isn't she the cutest?" Why was he lying? He'd denied that they were dating to everyone who had teased him, so why was he telling this stranger that they were?

The man beamed. "Always such a pleasure to be a witness to young love."

"Yeah, yeah," Natsume dismissed, getting embarrassed about what he'd just said. "I gotta get going. Have a nice night."

He walked off with the notebook. He'd started to worry after leaving the notebook that he hadn't planned a pick-up time. He wanted her to have an unlimited time on the carousel so he'd paid for about an hour's worth of rides, thinking she'd eventually have enough and get off. But he wasn't sure how long she'd be on there for, so he came to pick up the notebook at 5:30, thinking that was enough time for her to have fun.

He opened the notebook, so he could start heading to the next dare.

Yes, Notebook Boy, she had written. I would love to spend every second of the next two days "hanging out" with you.

He felt something in his chest twist at that. He ignored it and kept reading.

I love carousels. This is such a magical experience. Congratulations, Snarl, you've officially made me cry tears of joy. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm glad you still have something that you can enjoy during the Christmas season.

He decided he wasn't going to tell her he actually didn't go on the carousel anymore. She could just keep on imagining that he had kept it up as some sort of weird Christmas tradition. Riding alone on a carousel. After all, Aoi was never around to hang out anyway, so it's not like he could take her with him. He'd rather die than ask Ruka or Koko either. He was uninterested in getting teased by Koko or being looked at with those sympathetic eyes by Ruka.

He could already picture Ruka in that situation.

"Hey, Ruka, let's go to the carousel. My mom used to take me for Christmas. Wanna come with me?"

And then Ruka's eyebrows would fold back sadly and his eyes would start twinkling. "Yeah," he'd say softly. "Natsume, I'm so happy you confided in me-"

Gross. Natsume was already embarrassed just thinking about it. He shook his head, ridding himself of that scene.

He shut the notebook for now, content. His plan for Christmas was pretty big, he thought. Hopefully Mikan would like it. The more he considered it, the lamer it seemed, but he was gonna stick with it.

Ideally, he and Mikan would go on for hours into the night, sending each other on these dares until there was nowhere left in the city for them to go, but Natsume had somewhere to be.


a dare for natsume & mikan: the talent show


MIKAN

Though Mikan would've liked to spend the rest of forever trading dares with Notebook Boy, she had plans tonight. They could both start again tomorrow and spend the whole day like they had the first few days of this notebook arrangement-except that Mikan had a date tomorrow night too.

Not a date.

It was just a party. She was being escorted to a party. That's all.

Her turns on the carousel were now making her queasy. What was she going to do about that party?

Mikan made the executive decision to not think about it. She and Jii-chan were in the school auditorium, trying to find seats near the stage. She was going to have fun tonight. All the queasy stuff could wait.

"Is someone sitting there?" Jii-chan asked a lady, who shook her head in response. He turned back to his granddaughter excitedly. "We got them, Mikan. Perfect spot, too."

Mikan set her bag on the red velvet seat. It would've been three of them, usually, but she still wasn't on speaking terms with Tsubasa. Not that she'd seen him at all since the stuff about Fiji came out.

When she confronted her grandfather about the Fiji cover-up, he had folded immediately. "That was another benefit to Australia," he had confessed. "I wouldn't have to lie to you. It broke my heart to lie, Mikan."

He apologized and Mikan was quick to forgive him. He wasn't involved in the decision-making process anyway. Her lying parents and cruel Tsubasa were to blame. So Mikan told Jii-chan that Tsubasa was busy and wouldn't be attending the talent show tonight.

Jii-chan settled in his seat.

"I'm gonna go see Permy before the show starts," Mikan told him. "Take care of my bag while I'm gone." He nodded in understanding.

Backstage was a mess. There was a huge mess of people wearing colorful costumes and a cacophony of different routines were being practiced in one small space.

"Fujisaki, you'll be first-" called the stage manager.

Mikan squeezed past different people, trying to look for her friend.

"Mikan!"

She turned around to see Sumire, dressed in an elegant black dress and clutching her violin. She looked irritated, but Mikan knew her well enough to guess that she was doing her best to cover up her anxiety about performing.

"Oh my gosh, Permy, you look beautiful!" Mikan exclaimed as she rushed to her friend's side.

"Like I don't already know that," Sumire snapped, but her face turned pink anyway. "What are you doing back here? You're gonna get crushed by an amp or something."

"I wanted to wish you luck. Break a leg!"

"Yeah, I'm sure I will, with all these cords and cables all over the place. This is a high school talent show. Why are people pretending like it's the fucking Olympics?"

"Is that boy doing cartwheels?" Mikan asked, bewildered.

"That's exactly my point. People don't get this event at all."

"Good luck," Hotaru chimed in as she joined them. "This place is chaotic."

"It's the worst. I've had to rehearse with these clowns a hundred times today. There's some people who have decent routines, I'll admit, but most of it is a joke."

"I don't doubt it," agreed Hotaru, who was skimming the crowd with a judgmental eye. "I can already predict that I'll be bored with at least half these people's performances."

"But not mine, of course."

Hotaru shrugged. "I'll do my best."

"And you!" Sumire turned to scrutinize Mikan. "You're not off the hook just because I'm about to go on stage, you know."

Mikan gulped but Hotaru only raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"Mikan here is going on some freaky date with Mochu from middle school."

"Who?"

"He bullied me in middle school," Mikan explained at the same time that Sumire said, "He's the guy who got kicked out of school for vandalizing school property."

Hotaru pointed to Sumire in understanding. "Yes, I think I recall that happening." She then made a face. "You're dating that criminal?"

"No! We're just going to a party. As friends."

"Since when are you friends with him?"

"Exactly my point!" Sumire said emphatically. "He shows up out of nowhere one day and all of a sudden they're going to parties together."

"What happened to the notebook douche?"

"He pissed her off so now she wants to get back at him," Sumire informed her, voice plain and almost irritated.

"You're doing this to make him jealous?" Hotaru scoffed. "How is he even going to know that you went out with someone else?"

"I'm not going out with anyone else!" Mikan argued. "And I'm not pissed at him… anymore. He's getting me a Christmas present."

"What, another bag of salty popcorn?" Hotaru rolled her eyes. "What a catch."

"I'm sure it'll be romantic." Mikan shook her head adamantly then. "But why are we talking about me anyway? It's Permy's special night. The spotlight should be on her, not on whatever is going on with me."

"That's true," Sumire agreed, flipping her hair. "I do deserve a little extra attention since I'm about to blow everyone away with my performance."

"Exactly!"

"We'll see about that," Hotaru said snidely.

They only managed to talk for a few more minutes before the stage manager was ridding backstage of unwanted pests. Sumire never dropped her resolve for even a second, keen on pretending like she was unbothered even though it was apparent that she was incredibly nervous.

"Come on, move it, take your seats," the stage manager was shouting, shooing people away. "Only performers back here now."

Hotaru turned to leave and Permy was already waving them goodbye, but Mikan was still worried, so she wrapped her arms around her friend in a tight hug.

"You don't even have to try, you know. You'll do amazing. I just know it."

Permy sniffed, but then covered that up with a customary scoff. "I'm fine-weirdo. Just sit down and watch me kill it."

Mikan parted from her with a large grin. "I believe in you."

"I don't need your pity, or whatever." But Sumire's eyes were averted and she couldn't hide the smile from creeping on her mouth.

"I'd wish you good luck again, but I know you won't need it."

"Just go!"

Mikan turned around to follow after Hotaru, but she wasn't really paying very much attention so she ran right into somebody else, her body colliding into something hard and heavy.


NATSUME

"Ow!" the girl gasped, jumping backwards.

"Hey, be careful," Natsume said gently. He was in a pretty good mood after the whole carousel thing. His high spirits made it hard for him to be annoyed, even by clumsy girls who weren't paying attention to their surroundings.

"Ah… Sorry." She rubbed at her arm, which had bumped hard into the stereo he was carrying for Aoi and Chouko.

"Don't worry about it."

She blinked at him a few times before biting her lip and walking off.

He watched her leave for a few seconds before he faced the front again and went to find his sister. She and her annoying friend were easy to find. They were wearing bright neon colors and were taking up a lot of space going through a particularly tricky part of their routine.

"Natsume!" Aoi called. "Took you long enough! What took you so long?"

"There are three stereos in the back room. I took a chance and picked out the once that looked the best."

"That's so thoughtful," Chouko swooned. "You're so kind, Natsume-kun."

"Sure." Even Chouko was less annoying tonight, somehow.

Aoi narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What's with you?" she asked slowly. "You're smiling. It's weird."

Natsume shrugged. "No reason. Just excited for your dance."

"You've seen this dance more than anyone."

"This time it'll all come together. After all, it was missing the ugly colors before."

Aoi gasped indignantly. "Get lost! They're kicking out all the losers anyway!"

Natsume rolled his eyes. "Good luck, Aoi."

He left dutifully, hearing Aoi whisper angrily to Chouko, "He's so annoying. Our outfits are amazing."

He joined Ruka and Koko who were sitting in the audience already. "Did I miss anything?" he asked as he sat beside Ruka.

Koko scoffed. "Nope! Just that we got the worst seats in the house."

"Yeah, I was gonna ask about that…" They were seated in the left-most seats of the auditorium, although they were pretty close to the stage. Being in the center was obviously the best and yet, here they were.

"It's Ruka's fault," Koko complained. "He said he was tired and didn't want the lights in his eyes."

Ruka sulked. "My eyes have been watering all day, Koko. I didn't sleep all that well last night." He smiled sadly at Natsume and then explained, "My mom's horse died."

Natsume froze, confused about what he was supposed to say to that.

"His mom's horse," Koko repeated. "He doesn't even hear it, does he?"

Natsume gave his condolences but he also saw Koko's somewhat cruel point. Ruka's family was wealthy-surprisingly so-though he usually kept that information close to his chest, unwilling for other kids to treat him any differently over it. His mom owned a few horses on a ranch in the hills and the whole Nogi family often went to ride them. Ruka even took Natsume and Koko there a few times.

It was definitely a rich boy sort of problem, but Ruka was sensitive, especially when it came to animals. "Cut it out," he said to Koko. It was just seats after all. He wanted to be there to support Aoi, but he wasn't really all that interested in watching anybody else. If anything, this might even be for the better. "Or nobody will be there for you when your pet Kitsu dies."

"Hey!"

The lights went dim and a spotlight appeared on the stage. The audience slowly went quiet and flat music started to play. They all stared at the drawn red curtains for a while until, finally, a nerdy looking kid with glasses walked onto the stage with a big smile on his face.

"Good evening, family and friends!" he greeted enthusiastically. "I'm Class President Tobita Yuu and I wanted to welcome you all to the Alice High School Talent Show! We have plenty of incredible performances for you tonight. The students worked really hard, so let's just dive right in!"

Class president? Natsume had never even heard of the guy. Was he so out of the loop when it came to school events that he couldn't even recognize the person in charge of them? He tried to think of how many Mikans he went to school with. There must have been at least five… or six? Now that he thought of it, he couldn't think of a single one.

Tobita Yuu blabbered on for a couple minutes about something Natsume wasn't paying attention to until he started calling people onto the stage.

The first guy was a magician, the second was a singer.

A handful of mediocre performances flitted by until the nerdy kid introduced, "Without further ado, let me introduce the extraordinary music of the amazing violinist Shouda Sumire!"

Someone near the center front started shrieking in support as a girl with short black hair and little perms framing her face stepped onto the stage with none of the pizazz and show-biz that the other performers were banking on.

"GO PERMY! WE LOVE YOU!"

The girl ignored the shrieks and got herself ready, positioning the violin and her bow.

She was pretty good, Natsume had to admit. She did a violin rendition of a holiday music mashup. Though Natsume would usually find such Christmas remixes grating, he actually liked this one. Internally, he could easily attribute that to Mikan, but he didn't want to say that aloud, so he pretended to be unimpressed.

But her talent was not what stood out in her performance. In fact, nothing that she did stood out. The interesting part of her show was Koko's response.

Though for every other performer, Koko would lean over to make fun of whoever was on stage or lose interest quickly, for some reason he was at the edge of his seat for this violinist, eyes attentive and focused.

Natsume didn't know exactly what to say about that, but he found it a bit alarming. He would bring it up later, though Ruka would probably do it for him.

Natsume got bored very quickly again after the Shouda girl left the stage. Another two dozen or so performances passed their time before it was finally the moment he'd been waiting for.

"Everyone, put your hands together for the dancing talent of the Infernal Angels!"

Natsume cringed. Who picked that name? Probably Chouko.

The horrible song that Natsume couldn't stand anymore started playing. Aoi and Chouko started in the sitting position, then slowly picked themselves up. The bass dropped and they started moving at a more rapid pace across the stage. The third section that was supposed to be Mika's dance solo was now a more unified dance between the two of them.

Aoi was pretty good. At least, Natsume thought so. He didn't know anything specific about dancing, but she was energetic and didn't trip up at all. Chouko was more awkward in comparison, a little slower and off beat.

The end of the song started creeping up and they both completed the routine by sitting back down in the same positions they started in. The music finally ended and Natsume exhaled with relief. He never had to listen to that song again.

Eventually the show wrapped up and the three of them stood up so they could see Aoi backstage.

When they made eye contact with the girls, a bizarre thing happened.

Aoi rushed over and jumped into Natsume's arms. He was a little put off by how sweaty and warm she was, but she had just completed a physically taxing routine, so he decided not to tease her for it.

"Weren't we amazing?" she asked as Natsume spun her around indulgently.

"I thought so," he agreed with a grin.

He set her down gently so that Ruka and Koko could each congratulate her. Polite Ruka had brought her a beautiful bouquet of flowers, but Koko had brought her a single glow-stick, which he dutifully wrapped around her wrist as she gushed over the pretty flowers Ruka gave her.

Natsume only took one step away and then someone else was jumping into his arms.

Chouko was hugging him tightly around the neck, which was… annoying, to say the least. She was just as sweaty and gross as Aoi, only she wasn't his sister, so it was somehow grosser. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and then dropped down onto the floor. "Thank you for coming to see us, Natsume-kun!" she squealed. "You're the sweetest!"

Natsume made a little unappreciative sound under his breath, but he gave a weak smile instead of voicing his discomfort.

Chouko quickly switched her attention to Aoi's bouquet, gushing over the colors and rudely asking Ruka if he had brought anything for her.

Natsume caught Koko staring into the distance and when he looked for whatever was capturing his friend's attention, he saw it was the violinist girl, Shouda, who was surrounded with friends and supporters.

Though Koko being strangely focused on that girl was one thing, Natsume was quickly distracted when he saw that girl he had bumped into earlier standing by her side.

Their eyes met, over the large gaping chasm between them.

Her face turned pink the longer their eye contact went on for. Natsume figured he was being weird so he tried to smile a little. The girl's eyes widened and she darted her eyes away.

He tried to turn his attention back to his sister, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his head about that girl.

There was just something about her.


MIKAN

She was eating her hamburger with a weird amount of lethargy, though everyone else was too excited about Permy's performance to pay her enough attention to notice.

Jii-chan had led their whole little group to a restaurant in order to celebrate Sumire's amazing playing: Sumire, Hotaru, Anna, Nonoko, Yura, Iinchou, and Mikan.

It was a lot of fun at first, but Mikan quickly lost track of the conversation and got distracted by her thoughts.

That boy she'd seen backstage was now occupying her thoughts, as if Mochu hadn't been nauseating enough. She should only be thinking about Notebook Boy. Now this random guy was there too?

"What's up, Mikan?" Iinchou asked her in between bites of his sandwich. "You seem out of it. Something on your mind?"

Mikan shook her head. "No, I'm fine." She smiled as if to prove it.

It was Permy's night, not hers. She wouldn't distract from her friend's glory just because she was dealing with stupid problems.

The night couldn't end fast enough. Eventually, Jii-chan paid the bill and they were all heading home in their respective vehicles. As soon as they reached home, Mikan wished her grandpa a good night and then rushed to her room.

If only she had the notebook, so that she could put down what she was feeling-which was what exactly?

She knew she didn't have feelings for Mochu. She was going to this party for a reason even she couldn't nail down. And sure, the guy backstage had been cute and all, but she didn't even know him! She knew Notebook Boy, who was a sweetheart (most of the time) and had been communicating with her all this time.

She was starting to understand why Hotaru and Sumire were both so exasperated with her. She didn't even comprehend her own feelings half the time. She should call off the date with Mochu and stop thinking about Backstage Boy-and why did she name him all of a sudden?

But there was just something about him, like he was familiar, somehow.


mikan's dare 8: cheese on pie


December 24

NATSUME

Aoi insisted on tagging along. It was not something he really wanted to do with her, but she did not take no for an answer. After all, he was her date to the Christmas Eve party, and she wanted him to look presentable, which meant she was taking him shopping in between dares.

After breakfast on the lake, a visit to a pharmacy, and cloud-gazing all afternoon, they stopped by a little cafe Natsume had never heard of, yet another dare on a long list. This would be his last dare for the day before he finally let Aoi drag him to the mall to buy a new shirt. She promised to buy it for him, but that just made him wonder where she'd gotten the money from. After this cafe, he'd leave the notebook for Mikan to read a new entry and then he should have the book back in time for Christmas morning. It was all worked out.

But for now, he was waiting on a disturbing dessert.

I hope there's a chance I can introduce you to more fun Christmas traditions in Alice. Christmas is what you make it, and fun stuff makes it better and a lot easier to love. Hopefully, I can help you become less Grinchy. With time, you might even become a fellow Elf, like me!

That was doubtful, and he was a little embarrassed that she called him "Grinchy," but only after Aoi had read that entry.

"Hmm," Aoi said after reading it to herself. Natsume pretended he didn't care, poring over the menu as though he hadn't already ordered as per Mikan's instructions. "She says the word 'love' a lot."

"Yeah, she's… uh… an excitable person."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Nothing." Aoi bit her lip and picked up her own menu. "You'll have fun at the party, I swear."

Natsume rolled his eyes. He was getting kinda tired of hearing about the party. He usually hated events like that. He could see himself already: sitting on the couch in Chouko's house, sipping on a coke or a beer depending on how capable the host was in acquiring beverages. He was only relieved that Ruka and Koko would be there. At least he wouldn't end up stuck talking to some random stranger or-even worse-Chouko.

"And lots of pretty girls will be there too. We have to go shopping if you want a good date for the winter dance-"

"Aoi-"

"-because you want to look your best anyway but an added incentive couldn't hurt-"

"Aoi-"

"Natsume, listen to me. This girl seems nice. But of course she does. She's not real." Aoi played with the front cover of the notebook. "She gave you the idea of a person to latch onto, and look at you. You're clinging with all your might. What do you really know about her? You don't even know her age-"

"She's my age," Natsume reiterated for the tenth time. "I found the notebook in the school library."

"And even if it isn't some predator leading you all over town in a wild goose chase, then it could just as easily be some fragile, scared girl. I mean, think about it: who goes about getting to know somebody romantically through a notebook?"

"Well, me, for starters."

"Exactly." Aoi leaned back in her seat. "Two lonely people who don't know how to have a relationship, starting one with games. It's gonna blow up in your face, Natsume. What does she really know about you?"

Natsume only glared at his sister. He didn't know how else to respond. Luckily, the waitress came by to drop off their treats. For Aoi, a fruit tart. For Natsume, a piece of pie with a slice of cheese melting on top of it.

"And another thing," Aoi said, eyeing the pie with distaste. "She's torturing you."


natsume's dare 8: christmas present


MIKAN

"And I really don't know why you had to tag along in the first place," Mikan said bitterly. She knew the notebook was there. She could see it. She knew Permy could see it. She knew Hotaru could see it. But she wouldn't open it until they were both long gone. She'd had enough of her friends interfering with Notebook Boy. They had already done it once and it ruined everything.

"Imai got to be a stop on your little scavenger hunt across the city. Even Otonashi got to see him!"

"Hotaru never actually got to see him, actually, because he left Candy Cane Lane-"

"Like a coward," Hotaru commented smoothly before she took a sip of her coffee.

"It doesn't matter! She was supposed to be a participant. You led him to her house." They were sitting in a little cafe. It was an artsy gourmet cafe that specialized in "unique flavor profiles," like combining the unique taste of cheese with the sweetness of cinnamon and apple. There were plenty of other surprising combinations, but the cheese pie was Mikan's favorite. "You even let some random waitress see him-"

"The more random the better actually-"

"But not me! One of your best friends! Have I not been on your side this whole time?"

Mikan glowered at her across the table. "Well, no, you haven't. You called me a cheater and a manipulator-"

"Because I'm on your side! I only want what's best for you!"

Mikan pouted glumly in her seat. She ignored Hotaru's patient nod at Permy.

"Listen, Mikan. You really like Notebook Boy. You've never liked someone like this before. He's special. I just want you to be happy." After a moment of silence, Sumire seamlessly picked up the notebook and opened it to the most recent entry. "What's he up to today anyway?"

Mikan grabbed the notebook and hugged it to her chest, embarrassed that Sumire might see something she had written to Notebook Boy. "Just my dares! He says that he has a companion today, so I figured it would be okay to let you two come along, but if you're just gonna be grabbing this, then I was right to not want you to-"

"A companion?" Sumire asked suspiciously, one eyebrow raising elegantly. Even Hotaru had set down her coffee, paying sudden attention to the conversation.

"Yeah," Mikan replied easily. "Companion. Like a buddy, or a dog. Maybe he has a pet dog."

"More like, companion: another girl."

Mikan rolled her eyes. "You're paranoid. At worst, it's his little pizza shop friend."

"Or another girl," Hotaru argued.

"Pizza shop?" Sumire's face realigned. "You never mentioned a pizza shop."

"Yeah, the restaurant where Notebook Boy's friend works."

"You never said it was a pizza shop," she muttered.

"Why does it matter?" Mikan groaned. "Anyway, I…uh… I have something important to tell you."

"About Fiji?" Hotaru asked, picking up her coffee again. The mood at their table turned somber.

"Wait, you guys know already?"

Sumire averted her gaze but Hotaru met Mikan's eye steadily. "Tsubasa texted me last night about it. He said something cruel, I gather?"

"And then she called me," Sumire explained. "That's why we're here: to spend time with you."

Mikan buried her face in her hands. "Knowing my dad, he won't get the job. At least, that's what I'm hoping for."

"Even if he does get it, you probably won't move right away, right?" Sumire suggested.

"And you'll visit. Jii-chan will want to see you, after all. It's not the end, even if your dad does move your family to a paradise island." Hotaru narrowed her eyes. "Feels wrong for Mikan to be moving to Fiji, when it should be me."

"By all means, take my place," Mikan grumbled. "But it's not definite!" She turned her dismal expression into a grin. "So I'm going to stay positive."

"If anyone do it, it's you," Hotaru encouraged.

The waitress came around, placing the long-awaited cheese-pie in front of Mikan, a yogurt parfait in front of Sumire, and an apricot muffin in front of Hotaru.

"Enjoy," she said cheerfully and began to walk away.

"Hey," Sumire stopped her, waving her over. "So the guy who left this notebook: spill. What'd he look like?"

The waitress blushed. She was young, probably their age, if a couple years older. "He was… cute. Definitely cute. I would've asked for his number if it wasn't so obvious that he was on a date."

"A date?" Sumire asked, taken aback. "Uh, no. He's dating, this lovely flower over here." She pointed to Mikan graciously.

The waitress shrugged. "He was definitely with a girl. And she was beautiful too. I really didn't stand a chance." She glanced over at Mikan. "You're… cute. But she was gorgeous." She turned around and left to go to the next table.

"Alright," Hotaru said, stealing the notebook from Mikan's hands while she was still in shock. "First order of business is making this douchebag pay for stringing you along like that-"

"Stop it!" Mikan said, reaching for the notebook. "Guys can have friends that are girls! He said 'companion,' not 'girlfriend'!"

"Why would he say 'girlfriend,' Mikan? He'd be giving himself away."

Hotaru was more determined than Sumire. She effortlessly kept the notebook from Mikan's grabby hands while also opening it and reading the entry that waited there aloud. "Dear Mikan-"

"Oh, so she's dear now?" Sumire mocked. "Even though you're cheating on her?"

"Stop it!"

"Thank you for teaching me that I can accept help. I don't always want the help, but it is giving me the chance to get closer with people I thought were miles away-"

"The other girl," Sumire hissed.

Hotaru kept reading, pressing a palm against Mikan's forehead to keep her at bay. "You've given me a Christmas Break that doesn't totally suck. In the spirit of reciprocity, my Christmas gift to you will be my name. I'll give the notebook to that weird uncle of yours so it can be under your tree on Christmas morning."

Mikan stopped fighting Hotaru's pushes, which led Hotaru to falling forward a little, making her look inelegant for the first time in her life.

"A Christmas present?"

Sumire scoffed. "Uh, right! As if his name is enough to make up for cheating on you!"

"He's not cheating," Mikan argued back. "If he's hanging out with some girl, they're probably just friends. And we never said we were dating anyway-" She felt her heart grow warm, thinking about how excited she was for tomorrow morning.

"Look at how she's smiling," Sumire commented to Hotaru. "You're pathetic, Mikan! Look how quickly you crumbled!"

"I don't think he's cheating either," Hotaru stated firmly. "I think he's just as gone for her as she is for him."

"What?"

"Hotaru!" Mikan smiled, feeling her eyes grow watery. "You're on my side."

"Exactly, which is why I'll say this: you're too good for him. Dump him. Tell him you don't want his desperate and arrogant present."

Mikan stood up with a huff and grabbed the notebook back. "You guys are supposed to be my friends and all you've done from the beginning was try to control my love life! Well, I won't let you anymore. I'll be taking care of this on my own, from now on!"

She started to turn until Hotaru said calmly, "Your pie, Mikan."

Mikan took her seat again. "After I eat my pie!"


Curled up on a bench a little ways from her house, Mikan finished writing her reply to Notebook Boy.

Dear Notebook Boy (this might be the last time I call you Notebook Boy!),

I'm happy I could help you let yourself be helped. In feels like so many things in my life are up in the air right now. But not you. You make me feel better about facing the future. You encouraged me to stand up for myself-

"Mikan," said a familiar voice.

Mikan kept her gaze on the paper, shrinking into herself.

"C'mon, Mikan, are you gonna ignore me forever?"

"I don't talk to liars," Mikan quipped.

"I didn't exactly lie," Tsubasa said, sitting beside her on the bench. "I just… kept some things to myself. Some things you deserved to know. And I'm really sorry about that. And I'm sorry about the way I acted, too. Misaki broke my heart and I took it out on you. And that was so stupid of me, because you're my favorite person."

Mikan braved a hesitant glance in his direction. He was looked back at her, earnest,

"And I could really use your help to get my mind off the fact that love is a lie and we're all doomed to be alone." He grinned over at her. "I was thinking we could stop by Candy Cane Lane tonight, maybe get some hot chocolate while we're out?"

Mikan ducked her head down and pretended to write in the notebook. "Even if I wasn't super mad at you, I can't go out with you. Because… I have a date tonight."

"With Notebook Boy?" Tsubasa scooted closer. "Let me see-how'd he ask you? Was it with a dare? Maybe love isn't a lie after all!"

Mikan felt her face flush with shame. She shut the notebook decisively, as if Notebook Boy could hear her through the pages. "No, actually," she said, acting like she wasn't bothered at all. "It's with another boy."

"What other boy?" Tsubasa asked suspiciously. "You never mentioned another guy."

"I just kept that to myself," Mikan said, copying her brother's earlier words. He gave her a guilty look and Mikan crumbled, setting the book aside and finally looking up at him. "Actually, I could really use your advice on how to cancel."

"Cancel?" Tsubasa furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would you cancel? You shouldn't ever cancel a date."

"But how is it not like I'm betraying Notebook Boy by going out with someone else?"

"You're keeping your options open," Tsubasa corrected. "That's what you're supposed to do. Especially because you're a high-schooler and love is sometimes a lie. A lot of times, actually."

"What if I don't wanna keep my options open?" Mikan asked, hugging her knees. "I like Notebook Boy. I want him to be…"

She trailed off but her brother seemed to understand anyway. "I like him too. A lot. Especially because he's really gotten you out of your comfort zone. Look at you-going on a date. That never would've happened without his help, I'm sure of that. And this date is with a real guy-" He paused, then eyed Mikan suspiciously. "He is real, right? Not a notebook or a muppet?"

"Yes," Mikan answered with exasperation. "And what's wrong with muppets?"

He ignored her. "Besides, what right does he have to get upset about you dating somebody else when he still hasn't asked you out yet? What is he even doing today?"

"My dares," Mikan replied easily. "He's been doing my dares all day. And I've been doing his. He took me to a museum, to a playground, we got each other groceries-" Tsubasa made a face. "Don't look at me like that. It was cute. I even had him try the cheese pie."

"Ugh, gross."

"I went to some of them with Hotaru and Permy, and he took his companion too."

"Companion?" Tsubasa repeated. "The pizza dude?"

"No," she said innocently. "The waitress said it was… um… a girl… a girl who is his friend."

"So you're feeling guilty about going out with another guy, when Notebook Boy is doing the same thing? Keeping his options open?"

Mikan whined. "Ugh-you're right! He's totally going out with someone else and his friends at the pizza shop even told me I'm not the only girl in his life-"

"See?" Tsubasa grabbed her hand. "He has experience. You can't go meet him without having any yourself. You need to go get some before-"

He stopped himself before he said the word, so Mikan said it for him: "Fiji."

"Look, I know it's scary," he said, serious. "This is the first guy you've ever liked and you're scared to make it real. But if you ever want to meet Notebook Boy, tell him." He stood up and patted her on the head. "I'm gonna go home. Just think about it. You like him, and you deserve to be happy."


a dare for natsume and mikan: the christmas eve party


NATSUME

He and Aoi arrived together at the party. They had brought a pie-a completely normal one without any cheese, though Natsume had actually been kind of fond of Mikan's choice-because Aoi insisted it was the polite thing to do, as guests.

Chouko's apartment was the penthouse suite in a very tall, very upscale building, as she liked to brag. Natsume immediately felt out of place among the lavish decorations and expensive furniture. It was done up to the nines with wreaths and ornaments, a nutcracker on every table and a holiday candle on every shelf. He looked about himself, trying to familiarize himself with this strange and unsettling place.

"Natsume," Aoi hissed. "You're being rude." Natsume obeyed and she led him by the wrist to where Chouko was standing, in the middle of her living room. She, like Aoi, was dressed in a lovely dress. Aoi was wearing pink, her favorite color, while Chouko was wearing a gold dress. Meanwhile, Natsume was wearing a very soft turtleneck sweater that Aoi had bought for him only a few hours ago. Koko was standing there next to her, in addition to a crowd of other people Natsume couldn't recognize because for some reason he didn't know anybody at his own school.

"Wow," Koko said upon seeing him. "You actually look nice tonight, Natsume. You know it's not a wedding, right?"

Chouko bit her lip and nodded excitedly. "Yeah, 'nice' is the understatement of the year!"

"Well then, let's top it, shall we?" Koko said. "I mean, the year's about to end, right? Natsume, you're looking okay."

Aoi grinned, grabbing Natsume's arm. "He looks good because of me. We went shopping today so he could find a date for the winter dance. I want every girl at this party to be gobsmacked by my pretty brother."

Natsume ignored her, as well as the two friends of his who looked surprised by her words. "We got you a pie, Chouko."

"Oh, you shouldn't have!"

"You got her a pie?" Koko asked, following the box as it passed hands from Natsume to Chouko. "You went shopping and you got a pie?"

Natsume blinked in his direction before suddenly he was the one passing hands, as Koko grabbed an arm and forcibly dragged him into one of the dark, uninhabited rooms for privacy.

"Natsume!" Koko snapped as soon as he closed the door behind him.

"This better not be Chouko's room," Natsume said, glancing around himself and trying to make sense of the dark room. "I don't want her to get the wrong idea."

"Wrong idea? You'd think she'd get the wrong idea from Aoi, who's announcing to the whole world that you're free as a bird and apparently looking to change that?"

Natsume shrugged. "She's stupid. You don't get that 'cause you're an only child, but it's true."

"Are you even having fun right now?"

"This conversation isn't helping."

"Listen, Aoi means well-I can see that-but she doesn't know what she's talking about. She thinks this thing between you and Mikan is just a game. She wants you to be happy and we both know that when she sets her mind on something, she always gets her way."

"She's spoiled, sure, but this is my life, not hers."

"She's powerful, Natsume. Ten times-no, a thousand times more powerful than you. She has popularity. She knows people. And worse than that: she knows how to manipulate you. Somehow you got her convinced she needs to set you up with someone, and now it's gonna happen. And what about Mikan?"

"That's not gonna happen. I'm my own person. I don't do whatever she says."

"Is that so?" Koko said bitterly. "I must have been hallucinating that one time you spent all your allowance buying her a new doll to make up for the one that she destroyed with a pair of scissors? Or that other time when you took four buses to take her to a park out of town because Alice Park wasn't good enough that day? Or when you dropped everything, including the girl you like-who actually likes you back, by the way-to run home and spend an entire day watching the same dance routine over and over and over again just because she asked you to?"

Natsume grumbled.

"Natsume, you're a good brother. You care about Aoi. You do what's right for her. But she has power over you. I know how this is gonna go. She's gonna find someone for you, beg you to just try, and then you'll agree to get her off your back. And before you know it, you'll have destroyed this thing with Mikan before it even began."

Natsume didn't respond.

"Aoi cares about you, but she doesn't know anything about Mikan. She's sweet and funny and she makes you smile. She brings out the best in you-challenges you. Don't throw that away because you can't say no to your sister. You're so self-destructive, this thing with the notebook might be the one thing of yours you haven't ruined yet. Cherish it." Koko was oddly serious for once in his life. How was Natsume supposed to argue with him when he was being like this? "And here." He handed over the red notebook. "You should read this. Really think about what I said."

"Okay."

"Now I have to go." Natsume could see him turn around to leave, despite the darkness of the room.

"What? Already? We just got here."

"Actually," Koko said, a smile audible in his voice. "My girl wants to meet up, so we're gonna have dinner someplace and I'm gonna bankrupt myself. I hope she's okay with fast food because I only have fifteen bucks on me."

"C'mon. We both know she's not real so cut the crap. I could… really use a friend to help me out tonight."

Koko beamed so brightly it shone. "I'm so happy you feel you can ask me that. Look, man, Mikan has made you so open and emotional. You're asking for help. You never do that. This girl is good for you. Just give her a chance. Asking me for help! I'm so happy… but I can't stay because my girlfriend is real and I wanna see her. Besides, Kitsu's got food-poisoning tonight and a party without Kitsu is like a sky without the sun."

"That's not even remotely true," Natsume muttered.

"Be aware of Aoi and don't blow a good thing with Mikan. Think, Natsume: Mikan! Mikan!" With that, Koko closed the door behind himself, leaving Natsume all alone in the room.

He turned on the light switch, wondering why he hadn't already done so. To his relief, the room was far too mature to be a teenage girl's room, and the bed was too wide too, so it must have been Chouko's parents' room. It was pretty nice. It smelled pleasant. Natsume sat on the edge of the bed and opened the notebook.

Dear Notebook Boy,

Have you ever been caroling?

I don't know why I even asked because I know the answer is no, but hear me out. When you go caroling for the first time, it's really scary. You worry if you know the right words. You get scared about your singing ability. You're scared of scrooges and misers and jerks and you're especially worried about annoying people with your holiday spirit. It's scary because people hate carolers. Everytime I get out to go caroling, I consider all those things.

But you never go caroling alone. There's always someone there with you, to help carry your voice, to hold your hand when it's cold, to face all the jerks of the world together. And then it's not so bad. It's easier to be brave when someone is by your side, willing to stand out and be annoying with you, be bold with you-

"Yo!"

Natsume reluctantly turned his attention to the unwelcome intruder in the room: Mochu, who dumped two winter coats onto the bed.

"What's up d-bag?" he greeted with a shit-eating smile. "Are you seriously reading at a party? What a buzzkill! Classic Natsume." Mochu lingered in the doorway just long enough to say, "Love you, bro!" before walking back out and closing the door again.

Natsume rolled his eyes and turned his focus back to Mikan.

I wish you were here with me right now. Maybe I'd feel braver. We've only ever written to each other but you've encouraged me to be bolder and braver than I've ever been, so it's time for me to put it out there.

This notebook isn't enough anymore. It's time to take what we have off the page and into the real world. We should meet in person. What do you say? We could see a movie, or something!

-Mikan

Natsume sat up straight, glad that Mochu had long since left, and took out his pen to reply real quick.

Dear Mikan,

I wish you were here with me right now too.


MIKAN

Mochu had picked her up fifteen minutes ago.

He'd shouted in excitement when he saw her dress, which was the most festive she could find: it made her look like a Christmas tree and it even had LED lights so she could literally light up. She'd thought she'd look weird or strange, or that she was maybe overdoing it, but then Mochu had said, "I don't think anyone else could pull that dress off, but you look amazing!" Then she felt better about it.

The car ride had been bizarre. Mochu pretended to hit his head on the door climbing in after her for some reason and then he proceeded to get into a deep conversation with the driver about gas prices and Christmas presents. He turned to her often to ask, "What do you think?" but she didn't think anything. She didn't have a car. She walked everywhere.

And then they arrived at the building. In the elevator, Mikan could feel herself heating up with anxiety. A huge and bustling party with people she only barely knew from school was just a few moments away. She knew Sumire wouldn't be there, because she'd be out with her boyfriend and Hotaru would be with her brother already. The rest of her friends hadn't even been invited and Mikan was certain this was evidence that fate had it in for her. The only person she had by her side was Mochu, and she desperately wished he would transform into someone else, like Notebook Boy for example.

But still, Mochu noticed her nervousness and took her by the hand. "Hey," he said in a soft, soothing voice. "It's okay. You're with me."

And so she felt a lot better about the party.

Until they entered the penthouse apartment and Mochu immediately took off, calling out, "DUDE, YOU ACTUALLY MADE IT!" and leaving Mikan all alone.

She looked around, seeing gorgeous girls in pretty dresses. They all looked so grown up and normal. None of them were dressed as Christmas trees. Mikan turned off her LED lights in embarrassment.

Mochu eventually came back around, taking his coat off. "Hey, gimme your jacket so I can put them away. I'm just gonna make the rounds, say hi to some buds of mine, you know the deal."

"Okay," Mikan said, taking off her jacket and handing it to him.

He draped both of the coats over his arm and grinned. "Make yourself at home."


A very pretty girl clapped her hands together to call everyone's attention. "Listen up, everyone! This is a vital decision! Home Alone…" She paused, giving people the chance to clap and whoop in support. "Or Home Alone 2?" More cheers and support. She smiled at the attention.

Mikan stood by herself in a large yet crowded living room. She had no idea where Mochu was right now. Probably "making the rounds" or whatever. She didn't know any of the people in the apartment with her. A few of them she vaguely recognized from having class together, but she hadn't ever talked to any of them. She'd never considered herself shy before, but maybe she had shut herself away too much?

The pretty girl was wearing a cold dress and had a red ribbon in her hair. Christmas colors for sure, but nowhere near as obnoxious as Mikan's festive holiday dress.

She froze when she saw the pretty girl lean over to a boy sitting on the couch, resting his chin in his palm. She recognized him immediately: the boy she'd run into backstage at the talent show. Here he was again, in the flesh. He looked even prettier tonight somehow, wearing a very cozy-looking turtleneck and jeans.

"What do you think?" the pretty girl asked him, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

He looked uncomfortable under the scrutiny of everyone in the room but he shrugged as a response.

"Come on," she teased, leaning in closer.

He groaned and begrudgingly answered in an unaffected tone, "If you wanna make it a real party, we'll watch both and wonder how this family could lose the same kid twice. If he didn't know how to take care of himself he'd been dead a hundred times over already. Everyone jokes about how their parents don't love them, but Kevin can say it and mean it." Some people groaned or murmured judgmentally (someone even muttered, "It's not that deep, bro.") until he sighed and continued, "My pick is How the Grinch Stole Christmas because there is no sequel where the parents have to learn the same lesson twice."

Mikan couldn't help the giggles from falling out of her mouth. Everyone turned to look at her, even the cute Backstage Boy. Normally, that sort of thing would have Mikan shrinking into her dress, reddening with shame. But Backstage Boy gave her something that looked like a smile and she felt her heart beat faster. She smiled back.

The pretty girl forced a laugh. "I mean, why not?" she joked. "Why not both?"

As soon as she was able-as soon as the conversations turned more cliquish again-Mikan ran away to the buffet table in the dining room, where various snacks and treats were laid out for the guests' enjoyment. She blushed when she saw that Backstage Boy was already there, sipping at a glass of something that looked alcoholic.

They made eye contact, looked away, and then back again.

"Uh, hi," she tried with a smile.

He gave a little smile back. "Hi."

Mikan looked back at the variety of food and tried to make a choice as she picked up a plate.

"I, uh… I… That's a nice… sweater."

Mikan quickly rushed to look back at him, dread pooling in her stomach. "I'm aware that I look ridiculous, thank you."

"What?" He shook his head. "No-I was being-I mean it, you look… nice." He pointedly looked away before he continued. "If anything, I look ridiculous. I'm wearing ripped jeans with the most expensive sweater anyone has ever worn."

Mikan smiled again. "Check this out," she said, feeling bold and brave. She turned on the LED lights on her sweater dress and lifted her arms to form a triangle above her head.

"A Christmas tree," he said appreciatively, nodding.

"Yeah," she agreed, trying not to blush.

"That's impressive. Where did you even find that?"

"I, um, made it, actually. With my grandpa's help." A moment of silence passed and then she spoke up again, reluctant to let the conversation end. "You know, I… I hate when people call sweaters ugly."

He blinked in surprise. "Uh… then yours is… unconventionally attractive?" he suggested.

"Thanks!" she replied with a laugh. "And-uh-your jeans are beautiful on the inside!" She was only proud of that for two seconds before she realized what she'd just said. "Metaphorically. Not literally. I'm sure your jeans have a great personality. I don't know what's in your pants. What's on the inside. I wouldn't… and I'm not…" Mikan stopped talking. She turned back to the buffet.

"How do you know Chouko?" Backstage Boy asked casually, as if Mikan hadn't just humiliated herself.

She paled. "Ch-Chouko?" She turned to look back up at him. Chouko? The Chouko?

"You're eating her macaron," he explained, pointing to the cookie in Mikan's hand.

"Oh," Mikan looked down at the cookie and then back to him. So the girl in the living room, the pretty one who had reveled in attention: that was Chouko. "I don't really know anyone here."

"Oh," Backstage Boy nodded in understanding. "A crasher… So are you robbing the place?"

Mikan's eyes widened until she realized he was joking. "Mhmm!"

"Let's make a deal." He took a step closer to her and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you where all the expensive stuff is, as long as you take me with you as your hostage. I would do anything to get the hell out of here."

He may have been joking but his tone was serious.

"You'll tell me where they keep the jewels?"

"And all the secret exits," he said.

Both of them chuckled a little. Mikan felt like her cheeks were on fire-and it must have been obvious. Her only consolation was that she hadn't already scared him off with the jeans thing, so he must not mind if her face was red too. She'd been at this party for forty-five minutes already, and talking to him was the only part that had been any fun.

"Why is it that robbing someone's house seems so much better than being at a party?" she asked.

He scoffed. "'Cause the only people who are comfortable at parties are-" He sighed and then pointed into the living room. "People like him." He was pointing to Mochu, who was acting like he had hit his head on a hanging chandelier, just to laugh at everyone who was asking him if he was alright, just like he had in the cab.

Mikan quickly looked away from the living room. "You know him?"

Backstage Boy rolled his eyes. "Mochu? Unfortunately, yes. He just does whatever mindless, stupid thing pops into his head. He's incapable of feeling shame or self-restraint. People love him, but I don't get it at all."

Mikan glanced back into the party. "Or her," she offered shrugging in the direction of a gorgeous girl with silky black hair, wearing a pretty pink dress. She was talking and laughing effortlessly with the host-Chouko. "Center of the crowd. Practically glowing. Whenever I look at girls like her, I feel like they came from a different planet."

"Hell, more like it," he grumbled under his breath.

"I bet she's never felt alone at a party in her life!"

Backstage Boy took another step closer to her. "Well, at least we're lonely together." He inhaled, as if gathering the strength to do something, then extended his hand. "I'm Natsume."

Mikan felt her hand approach his. "I'm-"

"Natsume!" Mikan and Natsume both looked up to see the pretty pink-dressed girl come into the dining room. She clung to his arm without even thinking of it. Mikan wondered how a girl could learn to be like that. "I knew you'd be off in some corner, sulking! Anyway, everyone's gathering in the kitchen for a game and you should join."

Natsume looked awkward, glancing between Mikan and the center-of-attention, came-from-Hell girl. "Uhh."

"Yo, Natsume, you better not be hitting on my girl!" Mochu called, strutting over to them without a care in the world. Where did these people get all this confidence and boldness from? He wrapped an arm around Mikan's shoulder and she suddenly felt like she could melt onto the floor and seep into the carpet, leaving nothing but her Christmas tree sweater dress in her wake. She couldn't help but stare at Natsume, who was staring right back. "I was just about to say this party's too tame and here comes Aoi talking about a game! I'm game for sure!"

"Oh, Natsume here loves games," Aoi said, looking at Natsume with a devilish look on her face. "Isn't that right, Natsume?"

And that's how they all ended up in the kitchen, standing around a marble island, throwing dares and truths at each other.

Mikan was standing across the room from Natsume, regretting every decision she had made in recent history and wondering why life had decided to be so cruel and confusing lately.

"Okay! My turn!" Aoi cleared her throat and turned to him-Backstage Boy-Natsume-and smiled pleasantly. "Truth or dare?"

He shook his head. "Please don't fucking do this right now-"

"Come on! Play the game. And here I thought you loved dares?" She said it with emphasis, like it was a private joke.

He tensed and then sighed. "Alright, fine. Dare."

She cheered and then knocked into his side playfully. "I dare you… to leave this party with me and step into the real world."

Natsume only stared.

"Come on! I'm not tricking you! It'll just be the two of us, I swear."

For some reason, that seemed to relax him. "Okay," he surrendered. He let the girl take his hand and lead him out of the kitchen, out of the party, into the real world.

Mikan felt herself grow jealous. She wished she could escape too.

Chouko-the lead heroine and gracious host-laughed with her whole chest, and Mikan wondered if she faked laughter all the time. "Okay! That happened! Let's continue." She scanned the room, looking for a victim and then settled on Mikan. A look of pity flitted over her gaze, probably because she couldn't recognize her, and she pointed. "You!" she exclaimed. "Truth or Dare?"

"Umm…" Mikan didn't feel bold anymore. She didn't feel brave. She just felt warm inside, unpleasantly so. "Truth." She remembered Notebook Boy and the promise of the best Christmas present ever. That's where the boldness had come from so far-from him, not some obviously taken cute Backstage Boy who just so happened to have a nice smile. She wondered where Notebook Boy was right now, what he was doing. Was he thinking of her too?

"Alright: what's the craziest place you've ever hooked up?"

Mikan felt that small flash of boldness that she had forced upon herself shatter and wither away.

After a long moment of silence, Chouko chuckled nervously and then amended her question. "What's the craziest place you've made out?" Mikan felt the warmth from before turn into white hot shame. "Held hands?"

"Who even is she?" someone asked.

Mochu sipped at his can of coke, keeping his gaze on the floor and pretending like he wasn't witnessing anything.

Mikan fled the kitchen, feeling her cheeks burning and acid in her stomach threatening to come forth. So weird! Why was she wearing this dress? Why had she come to this party? Why couldn't she just be normal? If she could be normal, things like this wouldn't be so scary!

She found her coat and headed for the front door.

"Hey!" It was Mochu, from the kitchen, grabbing her arm. "Where are you going? The party just started getting fun!"

Fun? "I have to get home before my curfew," Mikan said lamely.

Mochu gave up easily. "Okay, well let me call you an Uber at least." He pulled out his phone and started tapping away.

"Okay." Mikan shrugged. "Thanks."

"Have you really never been kissed?" Mochu asked, voice softer than before. He was looking at her, face open.

"Why? Because I'm weird?"

"No," he said. "Because you're beautiful."

Mikan couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. Mochu leaned in, closing his eyes. Should she close her eyes too? How did people usually do this? If she was bad, could she excuse it by saying it was her first time or was talent in kissing a more natural thing?

But his phone vibrated and he quickly pulled back. He glanced at his phone and then sucked in air through his teeth. "Yeesh. Uber prices. And gas prices right now. And the holidays. It's just too expensive right now and my dad's one bad purchase away from cutting me off my allowance completely. Could you call your own Uber?"

Mikan's smile immediately dropped off her face. Had she really been about to kiss him? What was she thinking? Notebook Boy was somewhere out there, probably thinking of her and she was about to let one pretty word suck her in to making a huge mistake? The worst part was how earnest Mochu looked. Of course he hadn't realized he'd bullied her-Mochu was like that. He just did the stupidest thing that popped into his head.

Like taking her to this party.

She nodded. "No problem."

"Good night, Mikan," he said, waving in his usual friendly, effortless way, even as she closed the door behind her.

"Good night," she responded.

She walked down the hall, wishing she had a red notebook to write in, or a date to run away with.

"At least tomorrow I'll know your name," she told herself. "Tomorrow I'll know."


NATSUME

"Aoi," he complained. "What's this about?"

Aoi only smiled at him.

They were on the roof of the penthouse, looking down at the city as it glowed and twinkled despite the dark night. So much light pollution, Natsume thought to himself.

"If this is about Chouko, I have to say-"

"No," she said simply. "It's not her."

"Or any other girl you have lined up for me," he fought. Semantics didn't matter right now. "I like a girl, Aoi. You might not think she's real, but she is to me. Or at least, the way I feel about her is real. I like how nice she is. She's patient with me, she sees the best in me."

"I know," Aoi said, ducking her head down. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

She sniffled. "Ruka texted me about an hour ago." Ah, yes, his traitorous so-called "best friend," who was supposed to be at this party too. "He's late to the party. He had some car trouble or something."

"How convenient." Natsume inhaled heavily, feeling his relatively good mood tested. "And he texted you instead of replying to me because…?"

"Because he talked to Koko and he had something to say to me." Aoi smiled uneasily. "You know I love you, Natsume. When your friends talked about how you missed me the other day, I really felt bad. I never meant to isolate myself from you. It's just that when I was in middle school, and I was being bullied, you were all I had. Mom was gone and Dad was always working. You had Ruka and Koko and Kitsu, but I only had you. I felt dependent on you. So when I started making friends again, I left you behind because I wanted to prove to you-and to myself-that I could be happy and do things without your help.

"So when they said you missed me, I felt guilty. I've been pressing you about this girl lately because I want to be involved. I wanna be your sister again. You've always been the one I would come to with my problems. You always helped me, even if I never asked you to. But you never ask anybody for help. I guess I wanted to be the exception, even if you didn't want my help."

Natsume nodded. "So what are we doing out here then?"

"I was pushing too hard about her. And this party. And Chouko. I know you hate things like this. I wanted to help you escape. And there's no tricks or traps this time. Ruka texted me that if I press too hard that I might ruin what you have with your mystery girl. And I didn't want to be the one to destroy something that has made you smile for the first time in so long." She sniffled again and Natsume could see, by the light of the city glimmering beneath them, that she was crying.

"I know," Natsume said. "You wouldn't-you meant well. Please don't cry, not about something like this." Not about me.

"I mean, you said yourself, right?" Aoi smiled then despite her tears. "You're happy. You feel something real for her. And you've been honest with her about everything. She likes you for you, and all I did was fill your head with doubt about that. She's been the one you've gone to for help. I shouldn't be jealous, and I think that I was, in a way. I should be happy that you're making a better life for yourself." She wiped her face and grinned wider. She reached up on her tippy-toes and pecked him on the cheek. "You're free to stay up here as long as you want."

Just like that, she was gone, disappeared through the door back to the party. Natsume stayed up on the roof, stubbornly withstanding the frosty December wind, especially at such a high altitude.

His sister's words were thrumming through his head.

Why had she apologized?

No, the more he thought about it, he should've apologized to her.

She was concerned because he was fooling himself.

He was going about this too fast. When had they first started this game? A week ago? And he thought he knew her? That she knew him?

It was stupid.

He'd tricked himself. But even worse than that: he'd tricked Mikan.

Before, he was sure that any girl who had come up to him and confessed her feelings (of which there were many) was delusional, too distracted by his attractive face to even consider what his personality must be like. And now, with this girl who had no idea what he'd looked like, he had distracted her with lies. He hadn't been acting like himself at all lately, and he was realizing now that it was because he had been changing in order to lure Mikan in. He'd withheld all the worst parts of himself and led her to believe that he was sweet. She thought he was sweet!

He'd joked to that girl at the party that Aoi had come from Hell. But that was him. He was the demon here, pretending to be Ruka on paper-which is what he'd been doing, he realized now, even if he hadn't done it on purpose.

And that girl at the party! What excuse did he have for that? He was supposedly devoted to Mikan and yet here he was flirting with another girl at a party. And he couldn't pretend like he hadn't been. And he'd only stopped when he realized she'd come here with Mochu-no accounting for bad taste.

No, there was no way he could let a girl get sucked in like that.

He inhaled the cold night air and made his decision.

He was gonna drop this whole notebook business, here and now.


A/N: yes this ending requires a swift update. i very much understand. ill do my best ;) thank you for reading!