(12/11/2017) "I'm baaaaaaack!" - AU Human Kite
Okay, I'll be honest. I spent a lot of brain cells on South Park: The Fractured But Whole because it is just hilarious. Fortunately the holidays are coming up and I'll have spare mind power for video games and writing.
Anyone else seriously enjoying season 13 of Supernatural? I don't care about the general consensus; I like Asmodeus, KFC outfit and all.
Thank you TimeLord2162, demon19027, RHatch89, Sage of Wind Dragons, thedarkpokemaster, Maverick500, Sal the guest, mystery guest, and RomanticBlondiefor the reviews! Did you guys know that this is the SPN/Buffy crossover fic with the second most reviews on this site? You guys are the best! _
And all you favoriters and followers get Balthazar's v-neck shirts!
The pair of angels squared off, unwilling to concede to the other's demands. Castiel's eyes shifted slowly back and forth from the gleaming object on the ground to the friend he'd thought died. "How?"
"Is this really the time?" Balthazar groaned as he leaned against the crypt's stone wall. His vessel had a distinct English lilt. "I'm sorry, but I do appear to be bleeding to death."
"You should be dead," the other angel snarled, his voice drifting somewhere between overwhelming disbelief and righteous fury. "I saw you killed. I saw you fall into the Pit!"
Balthazar slid to the ground. "Again, old friend, truly not the best time for stories."
"Uh, what's going on?"
Both angels' attention was arrested by the relatively silent arrival of two, extraordinarily flushed looking Slayers. "Oh, wow," said Faith appreciatively. "Hot guy central up in the cemetery."
Buffy glanced down at Balthazar. "Yeah, well, one apparently poked a shiny hole in the other."
"Ouch, ouch," a delighted Balthazar moaned. "Cassie was so mean and hurtful. Look what he did to me!"
Outraged, Castiel began stepping towards the door. "I had no part in—"
Still riding high after an exhilarating battle with a horde of vampires, Buffy was unwilling to listen to the trench-coated angel's protestations. As soon as Castiel moved, she took steps to meet him. Once close enough, her fist snapped forward and connected with his jaw.
Castiel staggered slightly. Any physical rejoinder he'd planned on making was arrested by a second fist cracking into his cheek as Faith joined the fray.
Watching from his convalescence near the doorway, Balthazar was impressed that the two girls were holding out against his friend for so long. The Slayers were skilled, well trained, and mystically enhanced beyond normal human physicality, but their opponent was a veteran of the innumerable wars between Heaven and Hell and had eons to perfect his skills. He'd seen Castiel fight off a horde of demons practically alone, wielding dual blades after one of their brethren had fallen. The hellspawn had perished one after the other, the angel himself hosting a bevy of wounds, until at last they were defeated and the path to the Righteous Man was clear.
It suddenly dawned on Balthazar that Castiel was holding back. For whatever reason the other angel's blade was still sheathed and his punches held only a fraction of his strength. His lowered guard allowed Faith to grab his lapels and toss him over the sarcophagus (and poor Albert Gleaves' mangled, corpulent corpse). This gave Balthazar the opportunity to make some use out of the wound in his side.
Faith whooped out in triumph at what was assuredly another Slayer-centric victory and leapt up to survey her handiwork. With one foot braced on either side of the crypt's squelchy human remains the dark-haired girl crowed, "And that's what you get for messing with us, right B?"
Rather than add to her counterpart's bravado, Buffy busied herself checking out the wounded man on the floor. "Hey, you're gonna be okay," she assured him.
"Undoubtedly," Balthazar replied, "but I very much doubt your friend will be."
"What—" No further explanation was needed as Faith flew across the small space and slammed into the stone doors. She landed heavily next to Buffy, groaning, as a clearly infuriated Castiel rounded the sarcophagus.
Before he could reach them, however, a white light blinded the pair of Slayers. Castiel's wings shadowed the mausoleum and with a rush of air he disappeared.
Balthazar dropped his hand from the blood sigil he'd wrought on the wall beside him. "Ah, there. Good thing I know how to spell his name in Enochian. Now if you'll excuse me, ladies, I believe I'm going to pass out from blood loss." True to his word, the angel's eyes rolled up into his head and he slumped over onto his side.
Buffy gently pushed on Faith's shoulder. "You awake?"
"Five by five. Man, these bruises are gonna suck," Faith grumbled as she picked herself off the floor.
Buffy eyed the light emitting from the stranger's side with a good deal of trepidation. "I'm going to call Giles and Dean. Think you can help me drag this guy to the car?"
"Sure thing. Think he'll mind if I see how firm that foreign ass is?"
"Foreign ass-check away."
Before they left the Gleaves family crypt, Buffy spotted the gleam of gold on the ground. As Faith hoisted the unconscious celestial stranger off the ground, the other Slayer picked up what turned out to be an old ring.
It was ancient, that much was certain, the gold bearing the slightly warped and tarnished appearance of items normally seen behind museum glass. Runes of unknown origin were scribed on the inside, and when Buffy took a closer look she discovered that they were neither carved nor written. Instead they seemed, impossibly, to be part and parcel of the gold itself, imbedded much more like a tattoo than an intaglio.
Between stylized prongs sat an enormous ruby, its facets made sharp enough to cut. The size of the jewel and its golden casing denoted a man's ring (much to Buffy's covetous disappointment), but for whom or for what purpose the Slayer had no idea. "What is this?"
"Buried treasure?" offered Faith as she groped the bleeding angel tossed over her shoulder.
Seeing as how the current, ripe occupant of the crypt had his bare, abused rectum exposed to the elements, Buffy immediately ascertained where the item had been interred. "Oh, ew," she said, nauseous, as she hastily dropped the jewelry.
In the end, Buffy gingerly put the ring into an outside pocket. Her sleep-deprived brothers picked up the two Slayers and their burden and drove them to Giles' home. On the way, both girls gave a rambling, fast-paced recount of the night's discoveries (beginning with the ring, diving into their epic vampire battle, concluding with finding Castiel and the now unconscious angel in the Gleaves family crypt) and inserted several far-fetched theories as to who, what, why, and how any of it occurred. By the time they'd reached Giles' flat, Sam and Dean's heads were spinning, but neither Slayer seemed to have lost any of their unusual momentum.
After knocking, Sam cut off both Buffy and Faith before either could treat Giles to the same exposition and gave an abbreviated version of the girls' tale. Afterwards, with great trepidation, the injured angel was laid on Giles' couch. As the rest of them conferred, Sam used the kit they always stored in the Impala and began sewing it shut.
"Now what?" Dean asked irritably.
"Tie him up?" Faith suggested eagerly. "That's how a lot of fun starts."
Buffy eyed the girl askance. "So don't want to know the details of that." When her eldest brother opened his mouth, ostensibly to fill in for Faith, Buffy held an imperious finger up at him and added, "Especially from you."
"So how exactly did you come across this, um, new angel?" asked Giles.
"Because of me," Castiel answered from behind Dean.
"Shit!" the hunter cursed as he jumped away and nearly landed on Giles' ancient television. Several knickknacks and books went tumbling to the floor.
"His name is Balthazar," Castiel continued, seemingly unperturbed by Dean's flailing. "And he supposedly died on the mission to Hell."
"You mean to rescue Dean," inferred Sam.
"Yes." The trench-coated angel gave the prone figure a scowl that conveyed both relief and frustration. "He was a friend."
Giles frowned. "I was under the impression that you lot were nigh invulnerable."
Castiel's wrist twitched and a long silver stiletto fell down his sleeve into his hand. "He must have been stabbed by one of these."
Faith crooned in appreciation. "Shiny and looks great for poking. Gonna share?" she asked eagerly.
The angel lifted the blade for display. "No."
Buffy glanced from one angel to the other, noted the vindictive gleam in Castiel's eye, and slid herself into his line of sight. "Don't. Whatever he may have done, you just said it yourself: he was a friend."
After narrowing his eyes for a brief moment, Castiel flicked his wrist and the blade vanished. Jealously, Dean grumbled, "I want a hiding dagger thing."
"I'll bet you wanna be able to pop it in and out of someone whenever you want," Faith said with a smirk.
As Dean digested her innuendo, Sam sighed. "So what now?"
"I will set up wards," Castiel stated. "He may not wake for some time and I do not think it wise that our brothers and sisters know where he is."
"Why not?"
"I fear Balthazar may have stolen something." The angel pointed at Buffy's pocket. "That."
With a grimace, the Slayer pulled out her treasure with forefinger and thumb and held it up, disgusted. "You mean the butt ring?"
"Butt ring?" Sam echoed.
Interestedly, Dean began to ask, "Is that kinda like a co—"
"She means it got dug out of someone's butt," Faith supplied.
"Oh." The hunter's face then mimicked his sister's. "Gross."
"Give it to me," Castiel demanded.
"Why?" Buffy snapped back.
"What is it?" Giles added, far more amiably.
"The Ring of Nebuchadnezzar," the angel replied through gritted teeth. "A very powerful weapon of Heaven."
"The Babylonian king?" asked the Watcher, his eyebrows lifted.
"It is what killed George Levinson, Greg Bautista, and Lily Chen," Castiel continued. "Left out in the open it merely obliterates those generally deemed the most wicked and faithless. If someone were to put it on they could direct its power. Entire cities could be laid to waste."
"How could a ring destroy an entire city?" Sam queried, astonished.
"The wearer becomes the focus for its power," explained the trench-coated angel. "Whoever is deemed unworthy in their eyes is brought down."
While his brother and sister stared, puzzled, Sam surmised, "Then if someone thought everyone who ate celery was an abomination…"
"All those who consumed celery would be obliterated. Now," Castiel growled at Buffy, his palm outstretched, "hand it over."
"Why should she?" Faith interjected. She smacked his fingers away. "Finders keepers, feathers."
"You don't understand—"
"No, you don't understand." The dark haired Slayer jabbed the angel in the chest, a derisive smirk set on her lips. "We're not just some bitches you can push around. We're Slayers. If there's some weapon that's gonna smack down the bad guys then we're holding onto it. Get what I'm saying?"
Castiel looked down at Faith, indignant, then cast his eyes about at the others. When he met the same obstinance, he reluctantly capitulated. "Do not put it on."
Faith gave the angel a playful slap to the chest with the back of her hand. Judging by how the impact caused him to take a step back, she'd put a good amount of her preternatural strength into the blow. "We gotcha, fly-boy."
In the end, the ring was given to Giles' care (as they all assumed he was the least likely to either flaunt or wield it). It assuaged the justifiably wary angel's concerns and it gave the Slayers the opening to utilize the jewel in case it was needed. Once that was settled, Castiel used his own blade to slice his hand open and painted bloody sigils on the doors and walls. Hunters and Slayers both eyed the weapon with covetously. Their attentiveness made the angel nervous enough to shove the stiletto into his coat and fly off the moment he was done.
The next day was, unfortunately for Buffy, a school day. She said her goodbyes and sauntered off, Faith in tow, the two girls quarreling about which of them had taken on more vampires as they headed down the street. Sam and Dean volunteered to keep an eye on the unconscious Balthazar in shifts, trading idle moments of observation with standby periods in case they were called in to view another fatality. The latter turned out to be unnecessary. Whether it was being in the hands of a responsible party or being surrounded by angelic warding, the Ring of Nebuchadnezzar was dormant; no further charred remains were noted.
However, with Balthazar unconscious and Castiel distracted, the humans were left uninformed regarding the demonic presence in town.
Mayor Richard Wilkins III (or Sr., or Jr. depending on the era) was a big fan of cleanliness, punctuality, and regularity. Therefore when his assistant, Allan, showed up disheveled, late, and without his usual cowering, obsequious manner the Mayor was quite irritated. "Oh, shame on you!" he rebuked. "For one, couldn't you have at least showered and changed clothing?" As Allan looked down at himself, bemused, Wilkins added, "And not only that, but you went and got yourself possessed. That's just… careless."
Allan's eyes blinked and filmed over in black. "Castiel showed. We were unable to retrieve the ring."
A wry chuckle floated out from the corner of the room. "That's what you get for sending a demon to do a vamp's job," Mr. Trick commented.
The demon's eyes reverted as he glowered at the creature, but snapped back to attention when the Mayor said darkly, "That is incrediblydisappointing."
"We are continuing to search for its whereabouts," Allan's voice said hastily. "We're certain it's still in town."
Wilkins brightened immediately. "Now that's encouraging! It's what I like to see from you fellows: initiative and thoroughness."
"Bet you those Slayers have it," Trick offered. "Want me and mine to keep an eye on them?"
The Mayor shook his head. "Daylight hours, my friend! Night falls, however, and it should be your first priority."
"We'll handle it for now," the demon said smugly. Trick let out a quiet snarl.
"Now, now," Wilkins scolded, "we're all friends in here. Let's consider this room a 'safe place.' After all, we're all aiming for the same goal."
After a few more moments of scowling at one another, the vampire and the demon acquiesced. In a show of contrition, the latter asked, "Do you want me to find another meatsuit?"
"Nah!" The Mayor gave an amused chuckle. "Frankly you've impressed me more in the last few minutes than Allan has in months. Young demon, you have potential!" He waggled a finger. "Keep it up, and I'll put in a good word with you-know-who."
"Thank you, sir."
"However, please go tidy up Mr. Finch's body there. I cannot abide sloppiness. Oh, and do me a favor?" Wilkins asked as he pulled out a moist towelette and began cleaning his hands. "Try not to let Allan get killed?"
"I'll do my best."
"No, do better. Otherwise," the Mayor continued as he approached the demon, "we are going to have some very, very stern words."
Much to Trick's amusement, Allan's throat bobbed as the demon took the proffered, now soiled napkin. "Yes, sir."
Balthazar still hadn't woken up by the next afternoon, but his wound looked significantly better. Once Giles returned to his home, Sam and Dean decided they needed a break and headed for The Bronze. By the time they arrived evening had fallen and the crowd was in full swing. With a DJ headlining the music instead of a local band the dance floor was full, much to Dean's delight. "Whoa," he said, "check out the hot chicks."
The flashing lights and thick clump of people made seeing details difficult, but Sam's advantage in height allowed him to look over people's heads and recognize the pair of girls grinding on the dance floor. "Dude," he gasped, dismayed, "that's our sister."
The elder brother peered closer at the blonde and brunette. "Oh for—son of a bitch!"
To both brothers' gaping astonishment their little sister and her dark haired counterpart were enjoying the company of several young men as they gyrated against one another. Dean immediately stormed towards them (intending fully to pound in the face of the boy whose fingers were now wrapping around Buffy's waist), but came to a halt when he spotted Angel rounding a corner. The vampire's face mirrored the Winchester's vexation at the scene, and when Buffy peeled away from her handsy admirers his face barely changed.
As Faith enticed the entire group of young men to her side, Buffy leapt up into her boyfriend's arms, her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. "Hey!" she cried as he reflexively supported her from below. "You're not leaving, are you?"
"I saw you making friends," Angel replied, jealousy lending a slight harshness his words.
"Them? Boys," Buffy scoffed. Her smile held a mix of desire and joy. "I like you!"
The euphoria dipped when she spotted her glowering eldest brother, arms folded, right behind her vampire. She dropped down but made no attempt to look apologetic. "Hi!"
Angel stepped back to allow the hunter into their conversation. Dean, however, appeared to be at a loss for words. "What?" Buffy asked blithely.
"Were you—" her brother managed. He tried again. "Did I just see—Was that you—"
Dean's attempts to berate the girl were cut off by an undignified yelp from the dance floor. A cackling Faith was pointing at Sam from the arms of one of her nameless male hanger-ons as the taller hunter rubbed his right buttocks. While Sam resumed trying to get the dark-haired Slayer's attention, Dean turned back to Buffy and opened his mouth again. Before he could make another attempt, an unwelcome voice made itself heard. "Ah! There you are."
"Great," moaned Dean as Wesley and his accusatory finger encroached on their space.
The Watcher stared sternly down at Buffy. "I think we ought to establish that if you're going to go out slaying, you leave me the number of whomever you are with so that I can contact you."
"Righty-o!" Buffy said half-heartedly.
"And who is this?" Wesley wondered imperiously as he turned towards Angel.
"A friend," the vampire snapped. He turned his full attention to the Slayer. "There are rumors going around. Demons are in town looking for a weapon."
"I know," Buffy replied. "The Ring of… of… I don't remember exactly but it sounds like Buzz Lightyear."
"Nebuchadnezzar," Dean corrected her. When the others stared, incredulous that he'd remembered the complex name, he added, "What? It's the name of the ship in the Matrix."
"If I may," Wesley interjected. "Buffy, there is a reason why I came to find you."
"And that is…?" the Slayer asked impatiently.
"That angel fellow, Balthazar? He's finally conscious."
The Bronze had a distinct lack of parking spaces, which meant that if they drove the Impala ended up several blocks away. Normally this wasn't a problem; the Winchesters were becoming notorious around the area for both their hunting skills and their relationship with the Slayer and the local population of vampires tended to steer clear. The minor demons were, however, far more amenable to indulge their bloodthirsty tendencies when accompanied by their full-fledged demonic counterparts.
When the couple in the alley flashed black eyes, Sam and Dean immediately whipped out Ruby's knife and a handgun, respectively, and attacked. From the opposite direction came the inhuman snarls that signified vampiric enemies. Buffy stamped down on an abandoned pallet, creating several makeshift stakes, and, alongside Angel, leapt into the fray.
Wesley grabbed the smallest of the wooden fragments and flailed ineffectively between them.
The vampires were the lesser issue, despite their being half a dozen of them; between the five combatants there was only one effective blade for the demons. Three of the vamps were dust fairly quickly, but from the fire escapes directly above dropped two more black-eyed hellspawn. Their landing separated the group; Buffy, Faith, and Sam on one side, and Angel, Dean, and Wesley on the other.
The demons immediately set their eyes on the Slayers. When one waved a hand and slammed Buffy into a wall Sam tossed the blade to Faith (who was closest). She plunged it into one demon's back, its eyes and mouth flashing a fiery orange as it died, just as another pair of hellspawn arrived from the opposite end of the alley.
Angel dusted the last of the vampires, but that only left the demons with a clear path. Seeing no other recourse, Dean screamed, "Run!" as he dropped and replaced his gun clip.
The group scattered. Angel hauled a cowering Wesley to his feet as Buffy and Sam headed one direction and Faith the other. Dean covered their retreat the best he could with the remainder of his bullets. Much to his dismay, he noted the whine of police sirens in the distance, at the momentthe far away but getting closer by the second. The hunter took off after Angel and Wesley (the only two he could still see) hoping that the demon vessels they were abandoning were individuals that wouldn't be missed.
Buffy screeched around a corner, Sam on her heels, and was brought up short by the sight of a man who, under normal circumstances, would have been best described as slight and cowering. All of that was washed away with by the sight of black eyes and a cruel sneer. "Where's the ring?" the demon demanded.
"Didn't really go with the outfit," Buffy threw back. Her brother cursed to himself as he recalled handing off Ruby's knife to Faith.
The demon swept his hand, batting an unseen force towards the pair of humans. Buffy and Sam slammed into a wall, hard, leaving them both dazed. With another gesture the hellspawn had them suspended and choking. "I'm in no mood for games," he snarled.
Whether or not the demon could have tortured the information from either the Slayer or the hunter was a possibility left unanswered. From around the corner came both Dean and Angel's voices calling their names. The hellspawn grimaced, unwilling to chance an encounter with an additional hunter and the notoriously benevolent vampire, and left his vessel's body in a plume of black smoke. The man staggered as Sam and Buffy fell to the ground.
Which was when Faith appeared… and slammed the demon-killing knife into the man's ribs.
Fueled by supernaturally enhanced adrenaline, the blow cut through his sternum and into his heart. Confusion crossed the dark-haired Slayer's face when the stranger fell heavily to his knees, blood pouring from the wound, instead of giving the usual display of electric current that accompanied the death of a demon. When the man flopped onto his side, red beginning to flow from his mouth and nose, the horror of what she had done sank in. "I didn't… I didn't know!" Faith stammered as the blade clattered to the concrete.
"Hey!" Sam said hoarsely as he propped the man up against a dumpster. "Hey hey hey! Stay awake! C'mon, man, it'll be okay. Buffy, put your hands there. Faith, my phone's in my pocket. Faith!"
The Slayer couldn't move. Her eyes never strayed from the blood pumping from between her blonde-haired counterpart's fingers as Buffy vainly tried to staunch the wound.
In a few, brief moments the stranger was dead.
Sam gently released the man and drew Buffy away. She knelt nearby, her eyes wide with shock. Her brother then looked up at Faith, uncertain of what to say, of how to ease the agony that the girl must be feeling at having taken a human life. Panic overtook anguish as the sound of law enforcement vehicles came perilously near.
"The knife," Sam ordered. Faith reflexively bent down and picked it up. She handed it to the hunter, her gaze still locked to the dead man.
"Let's go," Sam demanded. When neither Slayer moved, he grabbed both their wrists and yanked. "*Now!*" he barked.
They went, running from both the authorities and their guilt, leaving the cooling body of Allan Finch, mayoral aide, to lay in the growing pool of his own blood.
Author's Note : Castiel banishes Zachariah with a specific sort of sigil in "Lucifer Rising" (SPN 4.23). Figured it would work on Cass as well.
I hope I don't need to spell out what Dean was trying to refer to regarding the ring's purpose. Because, you know, sex.
Nebuchadnezzar, the actual/biblical Babylonian king, is credited with one of the times that Jerusalem was destroyed. The whole exact when and how isn't clear, but it's said that he set fire to basically all the things. And it's totally the name of Morpheus' ship.
