It's been a LONG while. I was... unable to write for a bit. Anyway. If you're still interested, this is my sloppy attempt at getting back into the swing of things. Not a very dramatic swing, mind, but I know where it will go. :)

"It's not a big deal," He said as they put down some groceries on the counter. Carla hung her coat - rather, tossed it on the sofa, and ignored that burning in her chest for the millionth time in their marriage. It was burning in her chest or a syncing pit in her stomach.

"Just come off it," she let out.

"What?" He went on, he always did. "She was a young, cute version of you so if anything looking at her was a compliment!"

She wanted to laugh but she just settled for smacking her hand on the slamming the fridge as she put away the milk.

"You're unbelievable, it's …. No you must actually be trying to piss me off.. What were it called that I heard Rosie say the other day at the cafe, you're negging me - or something. Making me feel bad or trying but…"

"Okay, okay. Not a cute version, I mean you are cute. You're hot. Everyone knows my wife is hot. Obviously no one better than me. I just meant a younger version and it reminded me of when we met,"

"I'm currently in my 30s but you make me feel like we're 75 and sitting on rocking chairs. Sod off."

"Don't be so emotional, love," He said, trying to give her a kiss on the neck as he came up behind her.

At that most painful of cliche lines she froze and then pushed him away, giving in to a big witchy cackle. "Now I know you're trying to bother me because if you think I want you anywhere near me whilst you just drooled over a barely legal checkout girl while I was standing next to you…:You know what, whatever this thing you do is… it's not working anymore. I don't feel so bad, Paul, I feel sad for you because I see a sad middle aged man either way. Whether you're winding up your wife or just prefer teenage girls.'

He was about to cut her off, like he always did. She didn't have it in her for a knock down drag out fight today, so she slammed and locked the bedroom door.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she considered what she always did lately: texting Liam. But she stopped herself - a memory of only a few nights ago seared into her brain as she simply sat there with a song they loved playing and held hands. That's it. Nothing more and it was pain.

Much like the pain that was only just now slowly subsiding in her abdomen. Had she even thought about this a few short weeks ago? Had she not figured she should tell her good for nothing husband - a man she used to love and even like - that she was getting a real operation for her uterus. Was she ever going to risk seeing his patriarchal judgemental bullshit when she told him she may not be the perfect woman. Facing him would be awful. But not worse than this half life, surely.

She waited to hear Paul go into the bathroom and then grabbed her bag and the keys and left. Texting Liam was not the answer, but seeing him - wrong or right - might be.

Arriving at number 7 she knocked, hoping against hope that no one else was there. Sister in law or not, everyone always observed them. She'd pretended not to notice sometimes but there was always at least one or two people at any point in their lives and gave them the once over when they were together. Whether that meant they looked so good together or had illicit faces, she didn't know.

He opened the door, covered in flour and looking exasperated.

"Hey Leebugs ...I…" she stifled a laugh "What's all this?" Peaking around his shoulder she checked to see if someone else was there.

"It's just me, which is why this is the state of me… ah… come in." His crooked smile never wavered as she passed him by and plopped her coat on the staircase railing.

"So, again, what's all this?"

He was about to toss try and mock her back but he was seeing her smile so widely for the first time in a while and he couldn't. She stood there, staring at him and asked simply. "Well?"

"Okay but don't laugh."

"I can promise you, if I need to…. I will."

"Typical. You can never just say 'sure Liam.'"

"Now where's the fun in that?" She asked.

"Well, long story short, I'm making cookies…. For uh.." He trailed off. "

"For what?!"

"A church bake sale," he mumbled.

"You never!" She gave into her throaty cackle and shoved him playfully. "Let me get my mobile and video this ...this moment."

"Okay, laugh all you want. It's just my luck."

"Liam, you don't even go to church unless your mum is 'round."

"Emily… She was walking down the street chatting with Rita and I was texting and I… well i bumped right into her. Hard."

"You hurt Emily?!"

"She says no… but yer, I did. She just got jostled and worse yet she dropped her whole tray of cookies. Apparently her oven is on the fritz so she was at Rita's getting it done for tonight's summat rather at the church and…"

"Did you offer to pay her like a normal person?"

He pulled a face.

"Too fancy you. Money money money. What about the good honest work of yer hands eh?"

"She didn't want store bought then."

"No indeed. She did not," he sighed. "Rita, of course, was well mad - much more than Emily and that I could deal with - used to YOU after all. But Emily did that sad puppy that's been kicked face and- "

"Because you kicked her."

"I did not kick her!" He replied, tossing his dishrag at her. "I just, jostled her and made her lose two hours or baking. She was clearly a bit out of sorts - taking on too much as it was according to Rita who was all too eager to shout that at me. And so I said I'd buy then but Emily was horrified store bought cookies from her would be at church and…. Rita kept on glaring at me. I tried to wave over Sally Webster but she was shouting at Kevin and I panicked and said 'no harm done, gimme the recipe and I got this.'"

"And they… they believed you?!" She giggled.

"No… not as such. But then I called them…" He looked down shyly and smirked. "Sexist."

"I died. Just now. First off why? Second, you, Leebugs, looked Emily and Rita in the face and called them SEXIST."

"Well i said it was sexist to assume I could not do it. At least it made Rita laugh and Emily…. Confused."

"And here we are."

"I honestly wouldn't give a toss had it been Norris or Mary or Ken but it was Emily and…. Roy was watching."

She let out another loud, loud laugh and smacked his shoulder. "That would do it."

"Anyway."

"Need help?"

"From YOU?!" He laughed. "I need to have these done, not make her really want to kill me."

"Hey. I can HELP, even if not great in the kitchen, clearly neither are you. You have more flour on you than in the bowl."

"I am not opposed to help for this… "

"Ridiculous situation."

"Yeah.."

They began measuring the ingredients and Carla put on Liam's have Brit pop mix and it was almost like the old days for fifteen minutes. Almost."

"So be more careful idiot."

"With what?" He asked.

"Walking and texting. Be careful. Who were you texting anyway in the middle of the road."

"It were the pavement… and," he ran his usual nervous hands through his hair and then scoffed at the move, and the flour left behind. She laughed and swatted some of the white out.

"You."

"What?"

"You," he said, looking at her more intensely than he'd let himself since she arrived. "i .. I've missed you. And sod off if you mock me for saying that, but after the other night Carla…"

"I know. What you think I came her because of." She looked down at the crooked cookie and repounded the dough. "Well that and…"

"Paul."

"Yeah. I'm sorry Liam."

"For what?" For a second he hated himself for being this pathetic. So pathetic as to fear she was going to say she missed him but they were good like this and Paul was forgiven once again. At some point he really had always had his brothers back. But she became family to and even if she wasn't some cursed constant desire, even if she was boring and dowdy, she wouldn't have deserved to have her husband treat her like that. Brother or not. Fuck he wished she was boring or dowdy. Life would have been so much easier if she was not always the most vibrant spot in the room for him.

"I didn't think I could text you about how much I hate him, how much I am trying to think of a way to walk away. And i am… I am walking away. I have done, in me head anyway, already. I just, he keeps holding the power."

He put down the cookie he'd just cut and looked at her. "Has he hurt you?"

"He's thrown things and bloody well murdered my pride and any feelings I have left but no, not… not truly."

"Not truly ever?"

"Liam. I don't want to talk about any of this."

"Leave him Carr. It's okay. What bloody power."

"He says things Liam, makes that me that poor weak girl again over and over. I don't want to seem like some screaming banshee nagging sitcom wife who loses it cos he thinks the checkout girl is fit."

"What?"

"The usual. You're always great until he has you. Then you're his own damaged goods."

Liam's hands balled into fists but he said nothing.

"This isn't how this is supposed to go."

"No."

"I need a better moment. And I need proof of at least affairs to take him for all he's bloody worth."

"At the cost of going insane staying wit 'im."

"Yes." She said flatly. "Just, for now."

"Well you can stay here…. Wit me for…"

"Leave him and stay here. You think anyone would be okay with that?"

"I meant tonight."

"Oh…. now it's my turn to say please ignore what I said and sod off."

"I know what you meant….and…"

He turned her so she was up against the counter and put one arm on each side of her, trapping her against a mess of flour and between his arms. "I am having a really hard time forgetting about the other night."

"Oh?"

"Don't do that sexy coquettish thing, I'm already dying."

"Big word for you."

"Don't be daft." He said, leaning in. "I do not want this."

"Okay."

"But, what the fuck am I supposed to do when it's also all I want."

"Liam I…"

"He's already proven he's not good, so so many times, can't I for once not be the good little Liam to dear old big bro...can't I just…"

He leaned in, cupping one side of her face and let his breath tease her lips for a moment. His eyes closing but open enough to see how wide eyed she was for a moment, surprised, struggling, wanting.

"Kiss me Liam, before I scream."

His smile was the first thing she felt and then her lips opened for his. His tongue slowly began to explore her and she urged him on, bit his lower lip ever so slightly like she already knew he liked. A groan escaped him and she pushed himself square against her. She felt his hard length against her stomach and shifted to get closer.

"Fuck." She muttered as she squirmed to get closer.

"You really will be the death of me…." he breathed against her ear before licking the side of her neck.

"Take me with you then."

At this (unintended) phrase, he turned and hoisted her onto the counter, the one place Emily's special secret ingredient sugar cookies were not.

He was consumed but froze when she winced.

"Shit, I forgot. It hasn't been that long, are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No," she laughed. I just half sat on a cookie cutter. Ow."

He took it from her hand and tossed it onto the ground.

She stared at him smiling, but waiting to see if that momentary pause was enough for either of them to find their heads and come back to reality. Fuck, she hoped not.

He moved towards her, spread her legs apart and stood between her thighs, caressing her arm, her face. "How can you always be so beautiful?"

She feigned an arrogant expression and as he kept looking at her it changed. He'd never seen that before, the well earned pride in herself fade to… it could not be shyness.

"Hey," he said. "I shouldn't 'ave, I know i…"

"Liam. You talk too much."

She reached for him kissed his long and hard until the doorbell rang.

"Because of course." she mumbled.

"It's definitely Satan…. Or my mother, because."

She laughed and hopped off the counter, now wincing at the intenral pain after all.

"You daft cow, I could have helped you."

"What can I say Leebugs, I'm used to helping myself."

For one more second he considered ignoring the door and holding her, but then came the knocking.

"Coming!" He shouted.

"But not actually…."

He looked at her like she was both hilarious and evil and she bit her lip to stop from laughing.

"Hey, the cookies - all four dozen - are ready to be baked now. Shouldn't be long," she could hear him at the door.

"Oh that's fine. Thank you." Emily said. "Only as it happens, i rather don't know how I will get them there. My ride, a friend from church, is unable to pick me up and carrying all of those on the bus.

There was no point in hiding if it was Emily, Carla considered and walked to the door. "I can give you the money for a cab… I know fixed income and all that."

Liam shook his head.

"Oh hello Mrs. Connor."

"Carla, Emily, please."

"How nice of you to help Liam … and how nice of Liam to help me out," she quickly added.

"Well woman's touch n'all that." Carla said smiling.

"Help?" he mocked. "More a hindrance, our Carla, in the kitchen anyway."

"Oh I'm sure she helped a lot. Thank you. And it's not that I cannot take the bus, only that…."

"We can drop you and the cookies off Emily."

"Oh no no, well the cookies would be a help."

"After nearly running you down, he'd be glad you."Carla but in.

"He didn't, well...er… run be down…."

"We'd be glad to take you Emily, you said they bake for about twenty minutes, so in about an hour or so we should be close to ready."

"Oh that's fine, thank you ever so much Liam," Emily said.

"I will be back here in just over an hour and the both of you can come to church!"

She smiled and as she left Carla rather thought she liked Emily. Until.

"You're a very good sister." She said.

"In law…" Liam mumbled.

"I guess we're going confession," she said, deadpan, exhausted.

"Actually, she's church of England so…"

"Don't fuck with my jokes Liam, it's all we have right now."

He half smiled and walked back to the kitchen. "You coming along?"

"I have nowhere else to be."

"I meant the kitchen."

"No, we have no time to burn this batch … and… we will if… so… set your timer and I'll, i'll just go upstairs for a wee bit."

"Don't you go and abandon me." He warned as she went upstairs.

"Have I ever done that" she yelled rather jovially already halfway up his stairs.

"Only the once." he said, no to one.

tbc.