Hi, dear readers! As always I thank you for your loyalty and for your reviews! :)

I will try to update every Sunday from now on. Hope I can stick to that schedule, haha ;)

Happy reading (although it's getting a bit heavy now)!


-Chapter 8-

There was something else that fundamentally changed Sheldon Cooper's life.

Five years ago, Sheldon and Missy had one hell of a car ride as the underage Georgie drove them to the hospital. Their father had suffered a minor heart attack. The Cooper kids had been shocked, but George Sr. was strong and he had recovered quickly. The fear Sheldon felt on that day, however, led him to visit the hospital's chapel to pray to a deity that he didn't believe in.

This time, it wasn't a minor attack.

After a tense Sunday dinner, George Cooper collapsed suddenly and was rushed into the hospital. He and Mary were fighting a lot these days, but they always seemed to be able to talk it through after the kids went to bed. Indeed, Mary had mentioned to George that she wanted to talk to him later… but later never came.

George fell unconscious almost immediately. The paramedics fought to keep him stable on the ride to the hospital and, for a moment, it seemed that they got his heart under control again. But as he arrived at the emergency room, George made a turn for the worse. The doctors tried absolutely everything, but suddenly, everything happened way too quickly.

It was over before anyone – least of all Sheldon – could grasp the significance of this uncontrollable event.

George Cooper Sr. died in April 1994. Sheldon and his sister were only fourteen years old.

In the wake of his father's untimely death everything that happened was a blur to Sheldon.

Missy cried every night in her sleep and when she sought comfort, she always fled to her older brother's room. It was as if she couldn't deal with Sheldon's peculiarities on top of her grief.

Mary was a ghost; a broken, inconsolable shell of her former self. She tried to keep up their routine day as best as she could, but Sheldon always noticed when she had been secretly crying in her room.

Until the day of the funeral, Sheldon didn't even cry once.

He also didn't speak a word since the tragic incident happened. Meemaw delicately tried to get Sheldon to open up whenever he escaped the overwhelming grief inside his own home and he ran across the street to stay with her. But to no avail. Sheldon didn't even call out her name or knock on her door. Meemaw always found him sitting on the steps of her porch, waiting and staring ahead with motionless, empty eyes.

Sheldon knew that Amy somehow found out – probably through Missy – and that she was desperately trying to reach him. But he refused to let her come near him. Stubbornly, Sheldon locked whichever door was closest and waited for her to leave.

It drizzled on the day of the funeral.

It was the first warm spray of spring rain; the kind of rain that made all the little buds on the trees burst into bloom. Flora and fauna seemed thankful for the pleasant, fresh day, but to Sheldon the world seemed grey and dark.

The Fowler's were present at the burial, as were practically half the town and also a large mass of distant relatives from his father's side of the family. Sheldon didn't take notice of them and kept aimlessly staring towards the ground where the mourners laid down various types of roses. He did notice, however, that Amy was looking at him during the entirety of the funeral. Sheldon couldn't bring himself to look back.

He endured the painful ordeal without getting overwhelmed by the preacher's words or his family's low sobbing only by keeping a steely mask of rigid, tensed concentration.

Then they let his daddy down in his grave.

Afterwards, everyone gathered at George Cooper's favorite restaurant. Caring words of condolence were delivered to Mary and the kids and everyone shared George's favorite meal: A proper Texan brisket; not as good as Meemaw's, but still better than at every other restaurant.

Sheldon wasn't hungry. As he looked around, seeing how everyone suddenly smiled and exchanged stories about his dad, he found himself getting angry and confused.

His father was dead. There was nothing to be happy about!

After a while he couldn't bear it any longer and he quietly stood up from the table and left the restaurant.

No one noticed him leaving… or so he thought.

He walked the whole way back to the graveyard through the lessening rain. By the time he arrived, the sun came out, causing everything to glisten and smell fresh and new.

Apparently, the graveyard caretakers were already finished with filling up the hole in the ground where his dad was still resting. A lump formed in Sheldon's throat, but he told himself that this came from anger not sadness. He couldn't see his father's coffin anymore. It was like he was already forgotten in the muddy soil… left there to rot.

It felt so wrong.

Sheldon dropped down to his knees. The fabric of his new black trousers got drenched by wetness and soggy dirt, but Sheldon didn't care. He didn't even notice. He stared at the wooden cross in front of him, his father's name engraved into the horizontal arms of the cross. He stared at it without blinking and without any sense of time passing by.

Suddenly, he became aware of footsteps nearing him. He stiffened, trying to figure out how to avoid talking to anyone right now. The footsteps stopped and his name was spoken hushed and shy:

"Sheldon?"

His eyes widened... Amy.

He reckoned on his mother or Meemaw to follow him and trying to get him to return with them, but not with her. He wasn't prepared to talk to her.

She appeared at the edge of his transfixed vision, in her black knee-length skirt, black tights and black cardigan. The color made her look more mature than she really was. Sheldon bit his lip and continued staring ahead.

How did she even get here? Her mother normally wouldn't leave her out of her sight.

Amy didn't say more than his name, but she crept closer to his side. They both looked down at the fresh grave in concerted silence for a while.

"I'm surprised you're not disturbed by the fact that you're kneeling on the soil." Amy said eventually.

"Didn't notice." Sheldon muttered almost inaudible. He could hear clothes rustling, then Amy was kneeling by his side. "Don't." he spoke up more clearly. "You're getting your knees wet and cold."

"You were sitting here longer than me." Amy responded.

"Your mother will scold you for dirtying your clothes."

"I'll wash them myself." she said finally to which Sheldon couldn't find a reply.

Silence again. Sheldon briefly wondered why she even came here when she apparently didn't want to say anything to him. But, of course, just as he decided that he appreciated her silence, she spoke up to ask the same question he heard at least a dozen times by now from different people with various degrees of pity.

"How are you feeling?"

Sheldon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. As if he would know. As if he could even begin to describe all the feelings that tormented him.

"I'm sorry." Amy said, obviously sensing his reluctance. "I suppose this question got asked very frequently and I understand that it's not easy to answer, but I… I was worried when I couldn't reach you since… s-since he died." Amy audibly swallowed. She clenched her hands in her lap. "And I… I was surprised by how incredibly sad I was, even though I didn't really know him so well. He is… he was… y-your father."

Sheldon swallowed, too, clenching his teeth so hard that it hurt.

"I just… needed to know if you were okay." Amy added.

"I'm okay." Sheldon said way too quickly. "There's nothing I can do about it anyway. Death is inevitably linked to life… I obviously knew that."

"Yes, but… that doesn't automatically mean that you're fine with it." Amy ventured carefully.

Sheldon sharply turned his head towards her. "If you don't believe me then why are you even asking?"

Amy blinked and swallowed before tilting her head downwards. "I'm sorry." she whispered.

Now, Sheldon felt even worse than before, if that was even possible. He kept looking at her, but she didn't meet his gaze anymore. He sighed deeply. "No… I'm the one who needs to apologize. I know you meant good."

"It's okay." Amy smiled comfortingly. "I understand that grief is connected to severe emotional stress and I… I only want you to know that… I'm here for you… you know, if you ever want to talk about it."

"Why would I want to talk about it?" Sheldon shot back, too harshly again. "It won't bring him back."

"I know." Amy said patiently. "But maybe… it'll help to deal with the grief."

"I don't need to deal with it. I just have to overcome it." Sheldon stated stubbornly.

Amy's smile gave way to a frown of worry. "I don't think that's a very healthy approach to—"

"How would you know? You never lost someone before!" Sheldon cut her off.

Amy swallowed and sank her head again. "You're right. I haven't." She was quiet for a bit… but then she must have noticed that Sheldon was no longer staring at his father's grave, but at the one next to it. "But I suppose you have." Amy said.

Sheldon's eyes were settled on a dark-grey marble gravestone to his left. The name William Tucker was written into the stone. Sheldon remembered the first time he ever set foot on a graveyard at the tender age of only five years. His twin sister was sleeping during the whole time and she wouldn't have understood a thing that was said anyway. But Sheldon always was an especially bright young boy.

The confusion and hurt that he experienced back then, was suddenly as fresh as it was all those years ago. His lips trembled. Before he could stop himself, Sheldon had started talking, needing to voice this confusion, now that he was actually old enough to find the words.

"I was five when my Pop-Pop died. He was my Meemaw's husband. He was a great man… always telling me that I should never be afraid of pursuing big achievements or learning about science even though everyone else thought I was peculiar because of it. He and Meemaw always believed in me… right from the beginning." Sheldon paused. "I loved him dearly… and then… he just… wasn't there anymore."

Amy scooted a little closer to Sheldon, but she didn't dare interrupting him.

"Meemaw never was the same again. She always told me that she had lost the love of her life." Sheldon explained. "I was… I was afraid of being sad and broken like her all the time, so I suppressed all those terrible feelings and eventually I conquered it and I was feeling better." Sheldon took a deep, shaky breath and looked back at his father's grave. "And now, it's… Daddy." he whispered. "I-I'm not even sure we had anything in common; I always took after my Pop-Pop. S-So, overcoming grief again with him, sh-should be easier." His voice started wavering violently and he wasn't able to breathe calmly.

Amy grabbed his hand. "But he was still your dad."

Sheldon almost crushed her hand, squeezing back. "Yes." he breathed out shakily. "Yes… h-he was."

And just like that the dam was broken. In his effort to maintain a neutral face, Sheldon involuntarily squeezed a tear out of his eye and as it rolled down his cheek, the next already followed. And then another and another. And before he knew, he wasn't even able to see anymore, blinded by a flood of tears he had been repressing for days.

Trying to get some control over himself only made it worse and he shook and sobbed noisily, unable to stop.

Amy didn't ask for permission when she wrapped her arm around his trembling body and held him without saying a word.

Sheldon wanted to apologize for his pitiful display of emotions, but he couldn't speak. His throat was closing up, he couldn't take a calm breath and his eyes were burning from tears. Sheldon felt like he was drowning.

He leaned against Amy's shoulder, pressing his teary face into the soft cotton of her black cardigan. Her familiar scent and her warmth functioned as his only lifeline, the steady anchor that kept him from sinking into a deep, pitch-black hole of cold, enveloping water.

"It's going to be okay." she whispered as she rocked him back and forth.

Sheldon's breath hitched pathetically, but his tears slowed. "He… he…" Clearing his throat, he started over. "D-Dad… once took me and Georgie f-for a road trip to Houston. T-To see the lift-off of a NASA rocket. But… there was a thunderstorm and they had to postpone the launch." Sheldon wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Dad was able to cheer me up a-and he got me to explain to him how thunder develops in the clouds." Another sniff. "I think he already knew, but he wanted me to feel better. A-And although I couldn't see the rocket launch… it was the best time I had with him." Sobs bubbled up once more. "I-I never thanked him for what he did."

Amy wrapped her other arm around Sheldon and hugged him tightly. "I'm sure he knew." she whispered in his ear.

Amy's comforting embrace was like a blanket of platonic love and affection, which made Sheldon feel stronger than he had ever been. Much to his amazement.

What kind of unique bond connects me to this mighty girl? I've never felt like this before.

Amy released him to wipe the tears from her own eyes. "Do you remember when I was so discouraged because my mother wouldn't let me go to high school? That moment we spent together around your kitchen table… you, me and your dad." Amy paused so Sheldon could picture that day in his mind. "He gave me so much hope." she continued. "I was really grateful for the things he said back then." Amy took Sheldon's hand and together they stood up from the soggy ground. "I will always keep him in mind as the great man that he was."

Sheldon's lips trembled. "T-Thank you… for saying that." He squeezed her hand once more, as if he feared that he would drown in his sorrow again, if he ever let go of her. "And thank you for… I-I don't know… for being… you. Not even Meemaw could make me talk about it. You wield some mighty power over me, Amy Farrah Fowler."

Amy smiled and it warmed Sheldon's whole being from the inside out. "You're welcome." she said. "And I will always be there for you, Sheldon. You're my best friend."

Sheldon smiled back. In astonishment, he realized that this was his first smile since his father died. And she was the one responsible for it. Suddenly, another thought penetrated his mind and Sheldon's smile quickly slipped away as his face paled in panic.

Amy noticed it instantly. "What's wrong?"

"I can't stand losing any more people that I…" he swallowed the word before it could accidentally escape his mouth. "That are important to me. I can't stand the change, the… the pain; it's too much."

"You won't. Not right now anyway." Amy replied warily, searching his eyes for the real cause of his panic. "What makes you think you would lose someone else?"

Sheldon forced himself to pull out of her grasp. His hands started shaking so he balled them to fists until his knuckles turned white. "What if…" he stopped, fidgeting nervously and looking towards the ground. "What about you?" Amy frowned in confusion as Sheldon raised his head again to glance at her face.

"What about me?"

"Y-You… seem to be the only one who's able to calm me in terrifying life situations like this. What if… I… lose you." he merely whispered towards the end.

"Sheldon…" she spoke tenderly, his name on her lips like balm on his soul. "You won't lose me." she simply stated.

"You can't say that for sure." Sheldon argued still alarmed. "Something could happen. There are so many obstacles that are out of our control. You could have an accident or you could become ill or there could be a natural catastrophe. The last time a tornado hit the town—"

"Shh…" Amy soothed, reaching for both of his hands and trying to open his fists. "You won't lose me. I promise." she repeated.

His muscles relaxed as she made contact with him. Sheldon closed his eyes as he felt new tears welling up. "How can you promise that? It's not in your control."

"Maybe not when it comes to an illness or a natural catastrophe, but concerning the accident, you know that I'm always careful when I move in traffic."

"I guess you could wear a helmet while walking, but I doubt this would do you any good when a drunk driver swerves onto the pavement and—"

"Sheldon." she stopped him again, looking intensely into his eyes. "Stop thinking about such things. As you said, those things are out of our control. What happened to your father… it's horrible and sad, but also unforeseeable. Do you have any idea what the chances are that something tragic like this will happen to me, too, in the immediate future?"

Sheldon lifted one eyebrow. "You know that I could evaluate that very easily in my head."

"Then do it while we are walking back to your family." Amy suggested, taking one last look at the grave. "They were very worried about you when they noticed that you left."

Sheldon, too, glanced at the cross, sighing sadly, but feeling much calmer now. "You have to promise me that you will do anything you can to avoid getting into danger."

"I promise." Amy said and tugged on his hand to start their walk back. "I won't leave you ever, Sheldon." she solemnly swore.

She was only met with pensive silence. Sheldon wove their fingers together as they slowly walked through the rows of gravestones in the cemetery.


I know it's sad, but I had to include it...

Please, let me know what you think!