Thanks for the reviews, my lovely readers! :)
Please read the note at the end of this chapter, too...
-Chapter 10-
Summer came and went. But Sheldon didn't talk to Amy again. He barely even saw her.
She still met up with Missy, but Amy insisted that they either meet in a public place or stay at the Fowler's house. And being already banned from that place, Sheldon now didn't even dare to come closer than a hundred yards.
From what Missy told him, Karen Fowler was absolutely furious with Sheldon for breaking her poor, innocent girl's heart. Sheldon was unclear how he was to blame. Amy's primary emotion seemed to be anger; what had her heart even to do with this? But for once, Amy apparently chose to agree with her mother and stayed away from him.
Sheldon was surprised how much he missed her. Despite his unwavering determination to move away, it was still frightening to know that soon he would be alone in a foreign, faraway country.
He talked to Meemaw about his doubts and fears and she always managed to reassure and encourage him, but he missed hearing Amy's thoughts on the matter. She was the only person who truly understood him on every possible level. Sheldon wished he could share this experience with her.
Once, he tried to call Amy, but unfortunately he only got her mother on the line.
"How dare you still calling here?" Mrs. Fowler said in enragement. "Haven't you done enough?"
"I-I'm sorry, I just… I wanted to apologize to Amy." Sheldon stuttered.
"There's no need to cause her even more pain. I always knew it would come to this. You men are all the same. But Amy learnt her lesson."
"E-Excuse me? I-I don't think I understand—" he wanted to say more but got interrupted.
"Oh, just use that thick brain of yours and figure it out." Karen scolded. "Don't try to call again and leave my Amy alone. She's better off without you."
"But, Mrs. Fowler—"
"And I don't want to see you lurking anywhere near my house, understood?"
She didn't wait for him to reply, but abruptly hung up on him. Shocked, Sheldon stood in the kitchen with the telephone still held up to his ear, listening to the static noise. His mom eventually hung up for him and took him into her arms. Sheldon let her, still too stunned to understand what just happened.
So, at last, there was nothing else left for him to do but to sort out some final arrangements… without Amy as his helpful, advising confidant. Sheldon made sure that he will occupy a dorm room all to himself, purchased books to prepare for the classes, printed itineraries and learnt random facts about German traditions and social conventions as well as freshening up on the language.
Amy would have loved teaching me that… she loves all languages, Sheldon mused.
His preparations were done with preciseness and care, but also without any kind of passion or excitement. It was like he was running on autopilot, doing things that were necessary but weren't reaching him emotionally.
Mary was sure that he didn't even want to go anymore. But to her disappointment, Sheldon remained stubborn.
The day of his departure drew closer.
Sheldon tried to convince himself that not having Amy around had his good sides, too. Now, he said to himself, I can solely focus on my work again. There is so much to do, so much to research. I had been perfectly content before I knew her; I can be like that again. It would be a fresh start.
It was the evening before his flight to Germany.
Mary threw Sheldon a little farewell party. Although, Sheldon insisted not to call it a party since he hated those and other than Mom, Meemaw and Missy, there was no one partying anyway. His mother sobbed and cried during the evening, lamenting that her baby was getting independent way too fast. She was still hoping that Sheldon would quickly come to his senses once he landed overseas and would return home to her in less than a week.
Sheldon disagreed to that. However, he allowed his mother to pray for him that the Lord would protect him from all harm. He didn't admit it to her, but Sheldon felt comforted by the prospect that someone would watch over him… whether he really believed in it or not.
In the end, it was Missy again who meddled with his perfectly constructed, non-sentimental plan for the next morning.
"You might wanna set your alarm an hour early, Sheldon." Missy said suddenly once they had returned to their room. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, brushing her increasingly darkening hair.
"Why?" Sheldon inquired, standing next to his bed to fluff his pillow. "My flight won't leave until two in the afternoon. Don't you think getting up an hour earlier than six o'clock is a bit over-precautious?"
Exaggeratingly, Missy rolled her eyes, which was an indicator for Sheldon that there was some sort of irony lost on him again. "There's just… something you need to do that you didn't plan for." Missy said.
Sheldon made a face. "Pff, like what? I thought of everything." he said arrogantly.
"Oh yeah…" his sister challenged and then proceeded to bluntly drop the bomb on him. "You're going to meet Amy tomorrow morning. Bet you didn't plan for that."
A variety of emotions flitted over Sheldon's face, the most distinctive being confusion and sadness. "W-What? Why? What makes you think that she wants to talk to me… or that I even want to talk to her." he added sullenly.
"Don't be an ass. I know you tried everything to get into contact with her over the last weeks."
"Yes, I did. But Amy made it very clear that she doesn't wish to correspond with me." Sheldon argued. "And please, watch your language, Missy."
"Stop reprimanding me; you're not Mom." Missy said unimpressed. "The truth is…" she continued with a sigh. "That Amy felt as bad as you during this whole time. She wasn't sure if it's a good idea to approach you since her mother is dead set against it."
"That didn't stop her before." Sheldon remarked.
"It's different now. She actually sees why her mom was always against your friendship and she's afraid of getting hurt even more."
With a frustrated sigh, Sheldon sat down on his bed. "But I didn't mean to hurt her. I thought… I hoped she would understand… eventually. I didn't want to cause her tears."
"I know." Missy pledged. "It's just that… your relationship has changed over the years."
Sheldon furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"
Missy opened her mouth, but then paused shortly before she could jump into explanations. "You know what… I think it's best if you talk to Amy about that."
"What? No, you can't just drop this important subject on me and then leave me hanging." Sheldon argued in irritation. "You need to finish what you started."
His twin vehemently shook her head. "Meet with Amy. She's going to expect you at our garden shed at five in the morning."
"How is she even going to do that?" Sheldon huffed. "Amy will get into serious trouble for sneaking out like that."
"She said she can deal with the consequences, but talking to you before you leave is more important to her." Missy said.
"Why? About what? You have to tell me, Missy!" he demanded. "You know it will drive me insane."
"Tomorrow. Talk to Amy." his sister only replied, turning around in her bed.
"Missy!" Sheldon hissed. "I won't be able to sleep until you tell me."
She switched off her bedside lamp. "Goodnight, Sheldon."
Darkness fell over the twins. Sheldon seethed. Missy knew how much he hated incompleteness; he was sure she'd done it on purpose. But no matter how long he kept pleading and shooting metaphorical daggers in her direction, she stubbornly remained silent.
Grumbling, Sheldon fumbled with his own blanket before he settled down with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the ceiling and waiting for an uneasy fit of sleep to come.
A few hours later, Sheldon didn't feel rested at all. Damn you, Missy. But he still got up and dressed himself. He sneaked out of the house and into the shed, armed with a thermos can filled with tea and two mugs. Sheldon expected this talk to be upsetting and emotionally charged, so he decided to ease the agitation by serving a hot beverage.
Just as he had arranged two folding chairs and draped a blanket over one of them, because Amy surprisingly managed to get chilly even during humid Texan summer nights, there was a timid knock on the door and a whisper of his name.
"Sheldon? Are you in there?"
His stomach fluttered in excitement as he heard her voice. Sheldon hurried over to open the door.
There she was, in a long navy-blue coat, her arms wrapped around herself as if she was already freezing. Her long, dark-brown hair was held back with a black headband and, as always, she wore her black-rimmed glasses.
Amy didn't look any different since he last saw her, but to Sheldon it seemed like she was glowing. He swallowed the lump in his throat and whispered, "Hello, Amy."
She smiled shyly. "Hello."
Quickly, he ushered her in before the faint light of the shed could alarm his mother inside of the house. He motioned for the folding chairs, pointed out the blanket to her and she took both with thanks.
"W-Would you like s-some tea?" Sheldon asked, voice thin and wavering; as if he was afraid of unintentionally offending her with thoughtless words.
"Yes, please." she said, equally quiet.
"I've made peppermint tea." Sheldon said. "It's not as calming as most teas, but I had a rather short night and I expect the day ahead of me to be stressful."
Amy looked down and fiddled with her blanket. "I'm sorry if I caused you trouble with your schedule for today. I know you don't like making spontaneous changes."
"No, I didn't mean it like that." Sheldon assured her quickly. "It was Missy's fault. She said we had some… important things to discuss, but she didn't tell me what about. You know I can't stand that."
Amy chuckled lightly. "You worry too much."
Sheldon smiled, feeling like they had overcome the initial awkwardness of seeing each other again after weeks of silence. He nipped from his tea. "So… what do you want to tell me?"
Amy visibly tensed. She looked around in the room but never into his face and clenched her tea mug like a lifeline. "I… I-I just want to… apologize for the way we parted when we last saw each other. I was… I was shocked… and I didn't know how to handle the fact that you were leaving. I guess, I… panicked."
"I can understand that." Sheldon nodded pensively. "As you are aware, I'm not good with changes, either."
"Maybe that's what surprised me so much." Amy said. "I didn't think you could go through with such a massive change, but then I realized that this is different. It's not really change; it's recalibration. You've lost your equilibrium by losing your father and now you need to find a new balance, a way of coping." Amy cradled her mug before daring to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't see that from the start."
Sheldon put his tea to the side, scooting to the edge of his chair. "You don't have to apologize for that. What you had said back then is right; I demanded from you that you wouldn't leave me, that you would be there for me. In return I should have granted you the same. But I didn't. You must feel betrayed. I know I would feel this way when the tables were turned. And for that I'm very sorry."
Amy's eyes began to sparkle with yet unshed tears. "It's okay. It's just that… y-you are very… very important to me, Sheldon, and without you being here, I can't imagine being as happy as I used to be." She wiped a hand over her cheek to stop the tears. "I'm truly angry with myself for wasting the whole summer being miserable and alone when I could have been with you before you leave. But now I missed the chance. I was being stupid." she hissed.
Sheldon frowned innocently. "No, you're not." he said matter-of-factly. "I find you very wise, Amy Farrah Fowler. What you said just now about recalibration… that's true again. I just couldn't find a way to describe it. You always seem to know exactly what's going on in my head." Sheldon marveled. "You're going to be a great neuroscientist one day… if that's still what you want to pursue."
Amy's smile spread so wide it must have hurt her face. And despite her never-ending tears she seemed happier than Sheldon presumed she had been for a very long time.
"And you're going to be an amazing physicist." she beamed. "No matter what or where you study."
Sheldon returned her smile, fighting back the urge to touch her face and wipe away her tears. What a strange sensation, he wondered. "Thank you." he said. "I wish I could stay and watch you strive for your goals or that you could come with me to experience every step of the way with me."
"B-But we could stay in contact, right?" Amy asked hopefully. "We could still be there for each other even without seeing each other face-to-face."
Sheldon lifted his brows in genuine surprise. "You would want that? I-I wasn't sure recently because you were so angry with me."
"There's nothing I want more." Amy instantly replied, touching his arm. "If that's what you want…"
"Yes." Sheldon exclaimed with a sigh of relief. "Yes, that would be great."
Amy grinned happily, removing her hand. "Good. I know you arranged a call schedule, but since I don't want to meddle too much with your already established plan, would you mind if we write letters?" Upon his obvious surprise, she explained further, "I know it's a bit old-fashioned and it's taking longer to get a reply, but you know I love the written word. Plus, it seems somehow more intimate than calling."
"I-Intimate?" Sheldon stuttered and blushed.
"Yes, because no one can listen in on our conversation. It's just between you and me. We could write about anything we want and we could inform each other of everything that is happening in our lives." Amy's eyes now gleamed with excitement. "I find that exhilarating. I always wanted to have a pen pal."
Sheldon couldn't help but get affected by her glee. "Well, if it's so important to you then writing letters it is." he smiled.
Amy set her mug down and clapped her hands together with an uncommonly girlish squeal. Then she promptly stood up and wrapped her arms around Sheldon's shoulders. A little startled, he returned the hug, but it was already over before he realized what was going on. Awkwardly, he stood up, too, shuffled his feet about and finally looked up to her.
"So…" he began. "That means were friends again, right?"
"Yes." she smiled. "We are."
"Good." Sheldon said. "I… I don't think I would've enjoyed this experience without the knowledge that you're still there for me, supporting me from afar."
"I will be there." Amy affirmed. "And… you will come back eventually, won't you? When you're done, wowing the European science society. This is not a goodbye forever… right?"
"Of course. I will see you again." Sheldon reassured her. "And I'm already looking forward to it."
A few heartbeats of comfortable silence passed. They stood there, just an arms-length away from each other, looking into each other's eyes. Sheldon's arms relaxed at his sides while Amy folded her hands behind her back. They smiled.
"I-I guess… this is it then. We have to say goodbye." Sheldon spoke up quietly.
Sadness mixed into her features once more. "I'm going to miss you, Sheldon." Amy said bluntly.
Sheldon swallowed nervously. "I'm going to miss you, too." he admitted. "I will write to you as soon as I've arrived and located a post office. So, the first letter should get to you within the next two weeks approximately. Please, let me know if there is any kind of trouble."
"I will." Amy promised.
Sheldon nodded and they continued to stare in silence; as if both of them were trying to brand the other's features into their respective minds forever. Sheldon was sure he couldn't forget one detail of Amy even if he'd try. She was too important to him to ever get her out of his mind. She was a constant, comforting and secure, in his currently unbalanced state of life. He would keep her mental image close until they meet again.
"I should go inside now… before Mom wakes up." Sheldon whispered.
Amy nodded bravely; a single, glistening tear ran over her left cheek. But Sheldon didn't move. They kept standing there until Amy nodded again, apparently coming to terms with an inner conflict she had.
Because suddenly, she stepped closer to him, laying a hand upon his shoulder. She stood on her tiptoes, closed her eyes and pressed a tender, sweet kiss against Sheldon's cheek.
"Goodbye, Sheldon." she whispered in his ear.
He was immoveable. Eyes still closed, breath still held, he intensely focused on the tingling of his cheek. Where her lips have touched me.
His common sense, the aversion to human contact, told him to wipe her touch away; to wash his skin and rub it clean. But, oddly enough, that was the last thing Sheldon wanted to do. His cheek warmed up and it still tingled and it was… nice.
Fluttering, he opened his eyes. But Amy was already gone. She left just a crack of the door to the garden shed open and Sheldon kept staring at it for a long while.
Then he gathered up their mugs. Amy's was still warm from where she was clutching it so tightly. He held her mug against his chest, knowing that it was the last time he would touch something on which her presence still lingered. He looked towards the door again.
"Goodbye, Amy." Sheldon whispered.
The end...
NOOO, of course not! Haha, got you! ;D Okay, I'm sorry...
But this marks the end of part one of this story, the end of Sheldon's POV. From now on Amy's going to tell the tale...
I hope you like how I concluded this part. They reconciled and Sheldon's got a little kiss ;) That's okay, right? Please let me know what you think! Please review!
