Ahh… man. This seriously can't be happening!

This is all a dream, isn't it? Yes—a dream. There is no way that something like this could actually happen in real life! This isn't some sort of yaoi doujinshi! It must be Zura's gayness rubbing off on me or Takasugi's short height! There is just no way this could be real! Oh, why couldn't I dream of what I usually do! Like, Ketsuno Ana? Or Pachi-boy turning out to be a glasses robot? Or of Kagura eating her old baldy's hair?!

Seriously, what is this?!

My hand moves forward, slightly trembling, and grabs a hold of skin—the skin of Hijikata's cheeks. I pinch down on the soft surface as hard as I can and pull it back as far as I can. Then, let go.

"OUCH!" The black-haired man holds onto his cheek in pain.

My eyes are still wide from the shock and I can feel my body becoming cold. I slouch down to put my head in my hands, only to feel three hands touch my forehead. I let out a heavy sigh, "So it wasn't a dream…"

Suddenly, the third-hand punches my forehead, making me face up. "Oi! If you want to check use your own cheek!"

Ow… that hurts a lot… I rub my forehead with my free left hand, trying to massage away the pain of contact. "Now, now. Oogushi-kun!" I begin to blabber, even I don't know what I am saying. "If it weren't for you slacking off on duty then we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place! What am I even paying for you tax-robbers to do! Keep the streets safe—pfft!"

"Shut up!" to my right, my handcuff buddy was so irritated that a vein was popping from his head. His expression was hilarious—though I can't laugh in this situation, I would laugh it I was in another. "Besides it isn't my fault that I saw someone who looked like he was on a date with a high schooler—and as a proper adult and cop, I thought it was my duty to set them straight!"

I raise my hands in defense. "Oi! Oi! That was your own assumption! I was only having a father-daughter day with that brat! Plus there is no way I would go on a date with a flat-chested little girl like her! Even if I did, her baldie of a dad would come after my head!"

"Yeah, yeah." The mayora replies, not even paying attention to my rant—how rude! He sighs, as his eyebrow twitches. Then, he mumbles. "Man… I need a smoke…"

Huh? He smokes? Ahh—well that would definitely explain thatI focus on the mobile car ashtray stuffed full of cigarettes.—Besides I don't think that brat smokes…

"Please don't!" I wine, "Gin-san doesn't want to suffer from second-hand smoking!"

"I can't even if I tried!" He shouts back, "Anyways, be quiet. You are distracting me from driving."

Oh yes, how could I forget.

Yes—currently I am stuck in the passenger seat of a police car. I sigh. You know, sitting next to the irritated tax-robber wasn't my exact idea of how to spend my break. Gin-san just wanted to have some fun! Spend some family time with Kagura, take her somewhere nice, go bother Pachi-boy, tease him about his forever virginity, and dodge his gorilla sister's cooking—wait. Could you even call that cooking? I let the horrid image of those sad charred eggs—black matter fill my mind.

Nope! Not cooking—more like witchcraft.

Hijikata focuses on the street in front of him with his emotionless dark blue eyes. His profile was actually… quite handsome—if he wasn't scowling all the time. Honestly! His eyebrows will stay like that permanently if he doesn't stop furrowing. I laugh at the thought of his face stuck in an infinite scowl.

But that would definitely be a waste…

I freeze up.

Huh? What did Gin-san just think now? Hahahahahahahah! No way! It must be just my mind being polluted by the thought of Otae's tamagoyaki! Yes! Yes! There was no way I was just thinking about how I liked this stupid mayora's face! Ahahahahahahaha…ha…ha…

Now I'm sounding like that annoying idiot!

Yeah, Gin-san needs to really stop with all this internal monolog.

"Take this!" I roar as my hands smash the buttons fiercely. My fingers hit the machine at the speed of light! My opponent won't know what hit him—

"Huh?!" I let out a gasp. Suddenly—mid combo, my opponent starts a rare super skill-combo which knocks out my avatar. I cry out in reaction to the 'You Lose' on my screen, "Noooooo! Sadaharu #2803!" I quickly turn to glare at my opponent—the brunette teen with red-brown eyes.

He turns around to look down on me, an arrogant smile taking shape. I am so tempted to just punch him, square in the face!—but I'm a good-girl, and Gin-chan said that I shouldn't try to resolve things with violence!

"Heh~ So you were all bark no bite!" That damn brunette taunts.

I feel a vein pop out of my hand, my fist high in the air shaking in a need to just sock that smirky brat! Instead, I yell. "Who are you calling a dog, you government dog!" I cross my arms, "Besides, it was the junk's fault for being so old in the first place! My buttons were practically unpressable from how stuck they were!"

The cop examines my side of the machine and lets out an impressed voice, "Wow! China, you already managed to break the brand new machine!"

I quickly jump out of my chair, "S-shut up! Come on let's move on to the next game!" I make a start towards the other end of the arcade.

Geez… Next time I'll beat the crap out of him…

I am fuming and stomping when something catches my eye. Suddenly, I stop and turn. Cautiously, I raise my hand and touch the glass.

What is this game?

There was a box full of cute stuff animals and a metal claw-looking mechanism hung over them. One stuff animal, in particular, caught my eye—it was a plushie of a white dog. It was so cute and fluffy and looked just like a real dog. I've always wanted a dog, but Gin-chan says they are too much trouble to take care of. Plus…

Tears fell on the small, lifeless white body.

I promised to never have a pet ever again…

"China?" I snap out of my thought.

Oops! I was spacing out there! I start to turn when I find that the sadist was already right next to me. He peers into the machine, acting somewhat interested. "What were you looking at? The crane game?" He then tilts his head so he is looking at me. "Is there something you want?"

I blink in shock. This guy—is he actually thinking about getting something for me!—

"Not that I'd get it for you." The brunette finishes.

My eye twitches in irritation. This sadist… "No! Come on, you were so slow earlier that you made me fall asleep while staring at the game!" I shrug off his comment and continue to move forward. "I'll definitely beat the crap out of you this time!"

I can hear his footsteps behind me before they suddenly stop. "Ahh—wait China. I need to go to the toilet." I turn around to face him with a disbelief look while he, on the other hand, was digging through the mayora's wallet. He pulls out a bill and gives it to me—of course, I accept it—it's money after all! "Here, go play with yourself for a bit." Then he runs off.

Heh. What a kid! He can't even hold his bladder!

I look down at the bill in my hand and a big grin spreads across my mouth.

Oh well.

I hum a small tune as I look for a game to play.

Hello! Gin-san here once again! Sorry, you won't be hearing Hijikata-kun's narrations today! Honestly! Give me a break here, people! Why are you all so crazy about him? He is just a mayonnaise obsessive pretty boy! He already had two chapters of narration time!

Ahem! Anyways, somehow, we had ended up in this handcuff mess because of Souichirou-kun! ("It's Sougo.") I don't even have a handcuff fetish! I may be a sadist, but I don't enjoy being the one handcuffed—especially not to this nicotine-inhaling, mayonnaise-obsessing man! Ahh, wait. Maybe it's the other way around? Yeah—especially not to this nicotine-obsessing, mayonnaise-inhaling man! Yeah, that sounds better.

So somehow or other, Hijikata-kun drove us over to police headquarters, and now we are now speed walking towards the gorilla chief's office. Everyone was staring at us. I can tell. Though they try to be discreet about it or nicotine-man who is strapped to me at the moment will kill them.

Oh? Suddenly, the leading man stops in his tracks, making me stop as quickly as I could so I didn't bump into him. I shift my eyes to the door leading to what I can presume to be Kondo's office. Hijikata put his right hand on the handle, twists it, and opens the door. Then we froze at the sight.

Hundreds—no—millions of pictures of Pattsuan's brunette college student sister were scattered everywhere. I began to sweat, and with one look at Hijikata, I could tell he was too. He hastily slams the door close.

"Let's pretend we didn't see anything." He suggests in a panic.

"Y-yeah.." I reply. There was no way I would mention this—unless I have a death wish of 'death by gorilla'.

We avoid further talk about the gorilla stalker's office, and Hijikata bellows, "Yamazaki!"

A plain young man pops out from who knows where. Wait, is he holding a badminton racket? "Yes, Vice-commander?"

"Get me the handcuff keys." Hijikata sighs, scratching his black hair with his free hand. "And while you're at it…"

"…throw away that badminton racket."

"I'm bored!" I grumble as I slouch onto the game system. Where the heck is that guy?! How long does it take for a guy to go to the bathroom!? Well, considering how bad Gin-chan is, that guy must be the same. After all, they are both sadists. I glance around the room again for the tenth time looking for that damn sadistic brunette.

It wasn't like I missed him or anything! Nothing like that—in fact, I despise the damn bastard. I'm only staying because he has all the money from that damn mayora's wallet! And it is my job to spend it! After all, it's revenge for having his way with Gin-chan! Hmmph!

But seriously! I've already used up the 10,000 yen he gave me—and it's so boring to just sit here doing nothing! Wait! Don't tell me that sneaky bastard left me!

"Damn that shitty sadist bastard!" I groan out loud.

"Who are you calling a 'shitty sadist bastard' you monster girl."

My eyes widen as I jump from my seat. Right when I was about to speak, the bastard sticks something in my face, smothering me. I angrily grab what he was pushing against me, making him let go in return. I growl at the offending brunette before looking at the item.

Wait! I jump slightly in shock. It was the same. Yes, the same fluffy white fur, cute big black eyes, and furry plushie I saw earlier—in the crane game.

"You! This! What—" I am at a loss of words. How did he know I wanted this?!

The brunette gives me a shrug, "I just happen to find it on the floor. No one took it so you can have it."

Ehh? He found it on the floor? I found my eye twitching in irritation again.

"Besides," He starts again, "It fits doesn't it?" He tilts his head back to look at me with a cheeky smirk. "A dirty dog with a dirty girl."

That does it.

Sorry—no I mean not sorry—Gin-chan!

"You shitty bastard!"