When heart and cradle break~
A/N_Apologies for the late updates. I am a news reporter and sometimes my job keeps me from doing other things I love to do. I come here to break the writer's block.
Dean's hands itched with the cutting metal that had gone into his palms. Cas stood back a few feet, hand extended to heal him if only he would let him. Mary stood jaw gaping with fear at the reaction Dean had. She knew he would take the news hard but…
Dean had beaten the absolute hell out of an old rusted truck here in the junkyard behind the British Men of Letters hideout. Glass had shattered from the windshield and cut his lips, leaving a beard of blood trailing down his neck.
Dean panted there in the glass and metal. Heavy like a wounded bear. For a moment, Mary shrank back toward the hideout as if she would run as if he would chase her. Then, to Cas and Mary's amaze, Dean burst into tears. In front of them. The man who only cried in front of Sam was sobbing his eyes out, sinking to his knees, laying his head on the mangled hood.
Mary acted as though she would retreat. It was Castiel who had lost his temper with her. Castiel who grabbed her by her arm, showing the silver-blue of his grace-lit eyes warning her to stay and face this.
"How-How could you do that…To your OWN SON?!" Dean gasped scrubbing violently at his tears, wheeling on her. His face was white with fear and green with blood loss, and his neck was red with rage. Tears undermined all of this, the expression of a vague and broken boy inside him.
"Because his curse... I...I did that to him...It's my fault that he's cursed…"Mary shook herself loose of Cas. Cas was so mortified by the expression on Dean's face that he had let his mother go.
Dean sputtered...Then, he grabbed his chest letting out a choking sound. Right in front of her eyes, Mary realized, her elder son was having a heart attack.
"Oh, God, Dean! No, no, it's okay...It's going to be okay. We'll find Sam…"Cas rushed to Dean and immediately commenced healing him.
Dean let in an asthmatic wheeze. He tore himself free from Cas and stomped over to his mother, jabbing a finger in her face.
"You-You...You weren't around for any of it, you know that?! Couldn't you have at least freaking talked to me first?! Talked to S_" Dean could not say his brother's name. He lost his breath and grabbed his chin in a fierce palm still filled with blood. His whole body was shaking with rage and terror.
"Dean…"
"Don't start that crap! I was out of my mind looking for him. And you knew! You knew where he was the entire time! Don't start that placating crap with me, Mary! You-you weren't even freaking around. You never were...You...You died...Died because of that stupid damn deal! And who do you think raised that kid?! Not Dad! No, your deal killed my Dad too, left a hollow body walking around_freaking Tin-Man John! Who do you think carried the cross of that curse with him?! Who do you think screwed it up even though I_I Hell, I died and burned in Hell trying to save him!... And I_I couldn't do it. And then HE died and then HE BURNED IN HELL...Tortured by the freaking DEVIL HIMSELF….Because of your stupid damn deal!" Dean spun on his mother again. He was clutching his heart again. His heart was determined to attack him. He turned its rage on her. Cas was too mortified to intervene remembering the Dean stolen by the Mark of Cain.
"I drove myself completely insane the last damn time I grieved for that kid. Because of your damn deals. And then after, after was worst. Escaping Hell bounced him dying in a nuthouse! A nuthouse, Mary! Do you have any idea what it's like to watch your brother, y-your person, your kid, the guy you care about the most of all the others of billions of people in this God-forsaken Universe_ die of exhaustion cooped up in the funny farm?!" Dean tore at his hair, stammering panicking now.
"I thought that was bad enough, then I watched the freaking trials kill him...I've watched so many things kill my little brother...I keep not being able to save him from heaven and hell and all the BS that that freaking deal…"Dean shook his head, crying all over again. Crying into his fist. This was decades of sorrow and terror bubbling to the surface, a 4-year-old child vulnerable in front of his mother who had now betrayed the man.
"You have no idea what kind of Hell his life has been...What kind of Hell I have and would go through to save him. Those people...Those British Men of Letters or whatever the hell they are...They tortured him. Tapped into stuff in his head you can't possibly even nightmare dredge up…" Dean choked, turned and hit his knees, vomiting in the grass. He held his sides, sobbing, rocking back and forth, having another heart attack. Cas knelt beside him, shushing him, trying to keep him alive…
"We will find Sam, Dean...Please calm down." Cas hugged Dean as he healed the heart attack. But Dean dipped his head, vomiting again. He tore at the grass around him and let out a groaning, keening wail that sent the hair prickling up on Mary's arms.
"What the Hell damn difference is it gonna make, Cas?! He won't be him anymore...He won't be him…" Dean got up on stumbling legs heading for his car. He turned and pointed at Cas.
"I can't...I can't talk to her anymore...You get the general direction of where they took him from her...I can't let him...be alone in the end. A-And when he's...When he's...when my brother's history...When they make him into something else testing that damn demon blood curse...Somebody who loves him needs to put him down with the least amount of pain that's possible…" Dean collapsed inside his car and peeled off without waiting for Cas, trusting he would call him sooner than later.
Cas turned to Mary. Mary who was in tears despite herself.
"Sam...Loved you all his life. All his life...How, how could you do that Mary?" Cas shook his head.
Mary drew a shaky breath to explain. Cas shook his head, shushing her. He then put his hands to her head to read her mind and find Sam.
