-=Episode 6/p1=-
--=-=-=-
I hoped and prayed to whatever gods existed above or below that I would never have to be so patronizing again. Really, no matter how I justified myself to Anemone, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I was asked to talk and so I did. There was no direction, no guiding question there - I was simply asked to talk, and so I found what I could be most passionate about in that moment.
Really, though, it was less of a power grab as I described to Anemone and more the accidental creation of a power vacuum. That it would be possible for me to fill the same role was only coincidental. As I had claimed before, I didn't care to rule- but neither did I care to be restricted. I would have liked a healthy balance between the two. Enough power to keep myself out of everything else's way without being consistently cockslapped by the circumstances of nature or artifice. Never was much fun to run into a gaggle of tinnies while trying to fish. Or getting slapped by a fish you'd just caught either, really.
It's just- the words never come out right. I'm too slow to find the right words for casual conversation. I'd think of something in my head, something I'm sure is genius- and then I do the mental equivalent of proofreading and editing to add context and put it in the right frame, give it the right words so it's understandable to people without the same understanding of the world as my own. I remembered way back when, I'd never get a word in edgewise in any conversation. I had plenty to say- if I had my way the words would spill out a mile a minute. But they don't flow. I filter them too much for them to flow right. And when they do flow, I haven't filtered them enough and I leave people scratching their heads.
An even mildly interesting topic could come up once in a conversation and I could spend minutes thinking and confirming my opinion on that subject, I'd have to rehearse in my mind what I wanted to say before I say it lest I stutter or stumble, and by that time the conversation would've passed another three or four topics and I'd be lost having forgotten most of what I'd thought about. Even afterwards, minutes wouldn't have been enough to get the proper words out - always always always, something would be misunderstood anyway, or glossed over entirely, or I might have put too much emphasis on one very minor and inconsequential detail and sparked too much focus on that. The same principle seems to apply not just to conversation, but any manner of communication for me. Slow to start, and if I rehearse then I do it wrong and if I don't then I ramble.
A curse most terrible, and I never had the chance to learn whether or not I was alone in this.
Statistically speaking of course, probably not; out of eight billion people, even if only point-zero-zero-one percent of the population was like me–that's still eighty thousand people.
But all of that was over now. Lying my head back on the concrete slab, I had to wonder-
Just what was going on outside?
--=-E6-=-
--=-P1-=-
"He… He had to be lying, right?" The younger android, Kadpul, paced around her post.
"I don't know, Pul." Her 'other half' spoke. Not a romantic partner, just a twin. Exact same model of different sex, nearly identical face and a serial number one off from each other. Laui rarely ever separated from his twin.
"I mean- that's ridiculous. How would someone keep up a lie like that for that long?"
"Pul, I don't know. Actually, why aren't you asking Kad? He's sixty two, isn't he? He'd know."
"Kad- Kad's in maintenance for that bum leg of his again. I'll ask him when he's out."
"No, he was in the crowd during the speech. Where'd you get that idea?" Laui knew where she got the idea - 'Kadpul the elder' was stuck up over 'getting replaced' because of his leg, and the existence of a 'Kadpul the younger' didn't help. Neither did his reluctance to get it replaced.
The girl scratched her head. "Well, that's what he told me anyway…"
"I think he was over that way last I saw him, if you want to ask-
-but I think he already has a bit of a crowd."
"Huh?"
Laui had pointed to the end of the resistance camp where the grandest majority of Androids had amassed.
I hoped Anemone wasn't being violently overthrown for omitting the fact that we were extinct. I'd feel pretty bad if that speech incited the younger androids to go that far.
"And you knew?!"
The older android cringed away. "It was kind of an open secret-"
"Open secret, he says!"
How did it come to this? He was just running his general shop in the camp when some dickhead decided to uproot this entire younger generation's worldview, declare himself human and the moon colony not, before fucking off underground. He wasn't entirely sure about that middle one, but the first and last things were entirely Kadpul's problem now.
"How many of you have already been told that the humans aren't around anymore? I tell you, it happens very often already. Resentful, bitter old droids in other units taking out the stresses of the war on their juniors by proving to them that there isn't anyone on the moon- it's not a rare thing. I didn't expect it to happen here- the only two older than fifteen are me and Anemone -and you lot…" Kadpul didn't know how to explain. In the neural paths of his own circuitry. he compared it with religion, in a lot of ways- how one might lean on a god or the idea of a god to give them the mental strength to help them get through their more extreme problems that they would otherwise be too weak to on their own. To take away that crutch would've been rude.
The crowd did not seem pleased by this answer. Kadpul, for not the first time in his service life, wondered if replacing that leg would've somehow solved all of this- and came to the same conclusion he usually did.
Probably not.
--=-E6-=-
--=-P1-=-
Well, it wasn't out of my hands entirely but I figured I had done enough one way or another.
"Hey, Popola. Or Devola, either of you really."
The twins raised their heads from their previous task, sorting medical supplies. I think I might've heard
"You ever get bored?" I wanted to ask something else, but I thought I'd test the mood first.
The two thought for a moment, and popola looked to her sister to start off an answer.
"Well, plenty of times. You can only be around for so long without dealing with boredom." I knew that much well enough, I nodded. "We must've had tens of thousands of rounds of eye-spy, thousands of twenty questions, we must've played every karaoke song we knew a hundred times for each song. I think we even tried beer chess a few times, when we got our hands on enough alcohol."
Beer chess? "Beer chess?"
Popola perked up even more. "It's regular chess, but all of the pieces are replaced with shots of alcohol!"
…Huh. Never judge a book by its cover, I guess. I would've understood if it was Devola who explained that much, but I thought Popola was a lot more straight-laced. How would the alcohol be integrated? Wait, if Player 1 takes out Player 2's queen, would Player 1 drink the queen or Player 2? I think it'd only be fair for Player 1 to - they earned that drink through superior wit, and it slows their brain down so they're closer to being on par with Player 2. Oh, was it just beer? Or was it increasing in potency the more valuable a unit is? Pawns would obviously be weak, taste like piss with a similar alcohol content. Rooks would be hard cider, knights would be some kind of brandy or gin, bishops could be a good whiskey. But the king and queen? Nothing less than everclear and vodka, respectively. The Loser… what's a good punishment for losing? No, no that's perfect- they'd have to clean the board by drinking all of the remaining pieces on both sides. Or the winner would 'get' to. The two players would have to agree beforehand who clears the board.
"Hold on, I already have it figured out. I don't know the original rules, but I know what version I'll be playing.
…as soon as my arm's fine again." I added, at a look of disapproval. But I was still thinking about how the different pieces would be differentiated between. Maybe different shaped glasses? Food coloring for teams? If I was smart about this, I could draw this out to an easy three days of staving off boredom- books weren't working for me anymore. I'd gone through Moby Dick four times over in three days. Pi and his Tiger have got nothing on Ahab and his Sperm Whale.
"As soon as your arm is fine again." Devola affirmed while her sister nodded to her words.
The corner of my lip twitched into a smirk. "Are you volunteering?"
Poor Devola hesitated a moment before making her offer. "Two games. One against me, one against my sister."
"I accept this challenge." I relaxed against the bedding. Some blankets were laid down to make the slab more comfortable, and my eyes near enough to closed themselves. Eventually, after a few moments, I heard the twins return to their tasks.
I let a few moments pass, the air seemed fine - both the actual air itself and the air between me and the twins, so I figured I would ask what I originally wanted to.
"You two really don't have anything to say about that speech?"
I heard them slowly stop with their tasks again. They didn't perk up this time, rather it was a slow grind to a stop.
"No, I don't think so… you want us to say something about it?" The shaggier of the twins asked.
"Oh, no, It's just…. Anemone seemed to disagree and I'm sure the rest of the camp is having its own uproar besides. God only knows what those droids up in YoRHa are thinking right now–know Paddy broadcasted that. Neither of you had any sort of comment though, so… I got a little curious if you were just keeping some kind of complaint to yourself." A partial lie. Curiosity is the wrong term. Worried.
I heard footsteps approaching me, and I sat up if only to be courteous. My eyes took in the sight of both twins, standing over either side of the bed.
It was almost creepy how in-sync these two were sometimes. My ears didn't even register two pairs of steps.
Popola started, "Rorke, whatever happens…"
"You're our priority." and Devola finished.
Why, though? What had I done to deserve this? I must've opened a puppy-rescuing shelter in a past life, or.. well I'd say I must've killed hitler in a past life but then I remembered just who actually off'd him.
"This is penance as much as duty to us." The first continued. "Our job was always to ensure the survival of your species. It's what we were built for. We failed at that once already. I don't think we can afford to again."
Her shaggier sister picked up from there. "It doesn't matter what you tell them- not to us anyway. They've spent millenia making us miserable for our failure, and I still question whether or not we deserve it. But at the same time, I have to admit… It's not an unpleasant feeling, seeing them so upset."
That made more sense, I thought. A quiet vengeance rather than anything else I might've been thinking. I nodded, and then properly processed what the rougher of the twins had actually said.
"Millenia?" I looked Devola in the eyes.
"You didn't know?"
I didn't say anything. Couldn't. What did they mean, making them miserable? Why?
What actually happened, that they claim to have failed in their duty?
The words wouldn't form to ask anything about that; so I said the only thing I could.
"Thank you, then." For all of the help, and for assuaging that fear.
Both twins nodded, smiled and departed again for their task. Perhaps, I thought, it was just a bit rude to interrupt them twice.
The rest of the day was spent in a comfortable silence, while I picked up a copy of the Principia Discordia.
What a fun book it was.
--=-E6-=-
--=-P1-=-
I learned later in the next day, after their work had been finished anyway, that my stay in this camp was always going to be a temporary one. Apparently, High Command had gotten wind of me and wanted to move me to somewhere much more secure. Somewhere far behind AoH lines.
But that was all for the future. For now, maybe I should put an end to this medical hiatus. It was dragging on too long, I think, and androids were starting to lose interest in the show itself. The twins had been asked for by Anemone, and I was left in my bunker with Paddy. There was only one logical conclusion, and it was to hope Paddy had enough reception down here to start broadcasting again.
Grey walls were a boring and dull backdrop, but they'd have to do. I sat behind the grey slab I used as a bed- repurposed as a desk for now -and saw the red light flash 'on'.
We were live, once again.
"Gooooooooo~ood morning, Vietnam! It's been too long! No idea what the weather is like today, tomorrow or yesterday, I haven't been outside in ages is what it feels like! In here though, it looks kind of like…" I raised my hand above my eyes to shield them from the lights above me. "looks like it'll be sunny with a chance of stale."
Looking back to Paddy, I decided to get on with it–and with cheer in my voice. "Now, you may be noticing that I have bandages all over me! This is not a gimmick for today's episode, I am physically broken in several places! However, this is relevant nonetheless because after the usual Q&A, we'll be discussing old medical procedures!
So! Question one. What's our first question, Paddy?"
"Question One: What model android are you?"
"I feel like I've heard this one before… Bit rude though, isn't it? Lets move on."
"Question Two: What kind of android are you?"
"...Next."
"Question Three: What model android are you? I have theories bu-"
"Next!"
"Question Four: What model android ar-"
"Holy fuck! How many times was this asked?"
"Seven hundred thirty two variation on this question remain, put into the queue between now and the Debut."
Oh my fucking god. "Right. What a sense of timing you've got, Paddy. Alright, I've just answered this yesterday on another broadcast. I am a very peculiar model called 'human', and for the purposes of this Q&A that's entirely irrelevant." Or, at least I wished it was.
"And why should it be? I'm only here right now to take and answer your questions. That's what we've been doing, that's what we'll continue to do. That's been half the point of these streams, no? So let's stay the course with that. Next question."
"Question Five: What model android are you?"
"Skip them! Skip them, Oh my god just skip all of them! Next question!"
What a life I live.
--=-=-=-
-=Episode 6/p1=-
:: this chapter is dedicated to MrKeyFox, who can suck as many penises as naruto has episodes. learn from this man's greatest flaw, and never claim to be brutally honest - you would hide brutality behind virtue and use honesty as a hostage. you want to be a dick to people and only end up being a coward
but at least he put enough spite into me to put in the effort to prove him wrong about calling this a dead fic.
