July, 2030
"You're not going to like it," Olivia warns.
Her voice trembles ever-so-slightly over the Bluetooth system in his new car he bought with his retirement pay-out, tell-tale sign that she's been crying.
Again.
Sometimes it seems to Elliot that all they do nowadays is rant, or rage, or cry, and whenever he thinks this nightmare in which they've been trapped for three months now can't possibly get any worse, somehow, it does.
It always does.
And so he grimaces. "Go on."
Olivia inhales sharply, pauses, and in the one, brief moment he allows himself to close his eyes and visualise at the red light, Elliot can practically see her, biting her lips to shreds, alternating between fidgeting and forcing herself to stand completely still in an attempt to shut the world out and convince everyone, herself included, that she's fine, that everything's fine.
She can't convince him, of course.
But that doesn't seem to prevent her from trying.
"I…" she falters, falls silent, takes a deep breath and starts again. "I spoke to Pia's social worker…"
"About what Kathy said yesterday?"
"Not just that, no…"
"Because she didn't mean that," Elliot insists desperately. "She didn't, Liv. She really didn't. She was just all out of patience last night, that's all, she doesn't really want…"
"Will you let me finish?"
"Not if you're going to say what I think you're going to, no. We're not there, Liv," he promises, heart racing- because he's fighting, now, fighting for his goddaughter's future and he can't afford to lose. "We're nowhere close. Kathy just… she was struggling last night, Liv, she didn't mean it. She's just as committed to making this work as I am. We're not going to give up on her, whatever she does. However hard she pushes us…"
"El…"
"Kathy's struggling with her right now, sure," he rambles hopelessly. "But she knows what the alternative is. She's not going to give up and let Lollie be taken into foster care, she wouldn't…"
"Will you please just let me…"
"Liv, listen…"
"Brian's going to come get Penelope tomorrow morning," Olivia blurts out, interrupts him, given him plenty of chance to shut up and he didn't take it so she ploughs ahead anyway, drops the bombshell without so much of a warning.
Elliot's world shatters.
"You're moving her on to stay with Cassidy?" he blurts out.
He can't help it.
He's confused, and he's hurt, and yet at the same time he's a horrible feeling he understands.
He's going to kill Kathy.
"El," Olivia sighs. "El, listen…"
"And how much use has he been, Liv?" he demands. "Huh? You really think Lollie's going to be better off with him, of all people? You know he only volunteers to be her personal cab service because he's still desperate for your approval but he can't bear to have her any closer than arms' length, right?"
"Elliot…"
But he's not done.
"This is the man who lived with her for what, the first four months of her life?" he reminds her, fighting for Lollie's life, because there's no way in hell he's letting her move in with Brian fucking Cassidy for however long this takes. "How many diapers he change? How many times he hold her? He wouldn't even hold her for you so you could use the bathroom in peace, if I remember right- he used to dump her on the…"
"Elliot! She's not…"
"You do realise this wouldn't be happening right now if he'd just let you put him on Lollie's birth certificate like you wanted to, right?" he rants, sixteen years of pent-up rage flowing out of him uncontrollably. "No one would have questioned it…"
"He had a point, El," Olivia sighs wearily. "You know he did. She couldn't have been his, we both knew it. The dates didn't add up. I wasn't that overdue, that would have been a medical miracle…"
"I know. I know that, sure. But that son-of-a-bitch didn't…"
"He could have pushed for a paternity test anyway…"
"Family court might not have sided with him if she'd had a father listed on her birth certificate…"
"Elliot," Olivia protests. "Elliot, she's not going to stay with Brian. Alright? Brian's just going to drive her to JFK. She's going to go spend the rest of summer break with Kim…"
"In San Diego?"
"Yeah…"
"Are you insane?"
"Don't be like this…"
"You think she's going off the rails in New York so you're going to pack her off to fucking San Diego for the summer? You really think that's a good idea?"
"Elliot…"
"With Kim, of all people? You hardly know the woman…"
"Just because she's not who you would have…"
"Lollie's perfectly fine where she is…"
"Well, she's not, is she…"
"She is, Liv…"
"She's trying seriously hard to get herself kicked out of school and she's climbing out the goddamned window to go hang out with god only knows who doing god only knows what every other night, Elliot, that's not exactly what I'd call…"
"And you're going to have bigger problems than some occasional ecstasy use on your hands if you ship her off to San Diego to stay with a woman who doesn't have a damned clue about being a parent, and her…"
"I don't think we can hold not having kids against her, El, that's not fair…"
"But Kim doesn't know how to handle teenagers, does she?" Elliot insists- and he's painfully aware that he might be about to push her too far, make it all a hundred times worse than it already is, but he just can't seem to help himself. "Not her own teenagers, anyway. And probably not the challenging ones working through something this… this…"
"Think very carefully about what you're…"
"Because that's what she's going to have to do, Olivia. She's going to have to treat Lollie like her own for however long this drags out…"
"Yes, thanks for that, Elliot, I think she's aware…"
"She hasn't got a clue what she's letting herself in for…"
"What, and you and Kathy did…"
"Kathy and I have dealt with our fair share of teenage… teenage… I don't know…"
"Exactly! You don't know, Elliot," Olivia snaps, fiery, out of patience. "You don't know how to handle Pia right now either, because this is just… because it's all just so…"
Her voice cracks.
"I'm not blaming you," she insists quietly. "Alright? That's not what this is…"
"Oh, really? Because from where I'm standing, it feels an awful lot like you're saying she was Little Miss Perfect before you had to hand her over to Kathy and me, and then…"
"You know that's not fair…"
"Do I?"
"I don't need this right now, El," she pleads with him, trembling down the phone line. "Alright? I'm about to pack my daughter off to the other side of the country and I don't even get to do it myself, I don't even get to say…"
"I know…"
"No, you don't know, El! That's the whole problem! Neither of us do! We don't know what we're doing with her right now! I thought we did. I thought we knew exactly what we were doing with these kinds of situations- god, I even thought we were good at it…"
"It's different, when it's personal," Elliot offers quietly- because she's losing control, he can tell, and he can't just stand by and let it happen. "Olivia? Olivia, listen to me. You are good at this. You are. There's a reason you've stuck it out at SVU longer than anyone else has ever…"
"No!" she shouts, voice piercing through his soul. "No, I'm not, El! I'm not! I'm no good at it when it matters, if… if I don't know how to help my own daughter…"
"You don't know that…"
"Yes, I do…"
"No, you don't. You don't, Liv," he fights to get through to her. "You don't know that because Social Services haven't let you try…"
"Do you know how many times I've fought off Social Services in situations like this?" Olivia whispers faintly. "How many cases I've worked- how many cases we've worked- when Social Services decided they wanted the parent who we knew didn't have a damned thing to do with it all to be investigated anyway and we managed to stop them removing the child while they did- or shut the investigation down completely, come to that…"
She's lost her usual articulacy.
Not completely, admittedly.
It probably wouldn't even be noticeable to anyone else.
But to him, it is.
She's spiralling.
She's spiralling, and he can't make it better.
But he knows what she needs.
That's the worst part.
He knows exactly what she needs, what would take away her pain, but he can't give it to her.
A part of him wonders if perhaps she's suddenly so keen to send her daughter off to fucking San Diego for the rest of the summer because she thinks it will be less painful, that way.
Because knowing that her daughter is a mere half-hour away, that she's with him, of all people, that she's so close and yet utterly out of reach to her, is eating her up inside.
Because she thinks that if she puts the entire width of the goddamned country between herself and her daughter, this might be a little easier to bear.
Except it won't be.
He knows that.
Deep down, he suspects Olivia knows that, too.
She's just nowhere near ready to accept it.
"Liv," Elliot pleads with her. "Liv, listen. You don't have to do this. Alright? You don't have to…"
"Yes, I do…"
"No, you don't," he insists. "You don't, Liv. Kathy and I can cope. We'll try harder. Alright? We can do that. We're not going to give up on her. You don't have to ship Lollie off to San Diego…"
"Elliot…"
"No, you don't, Liv. I can… I don't know," he admits honestly. "I don't know, I don't know what else I can try yet. But I'll work it out. Okay? I'll work it out somehow. I'll get through to her. I don't care how long it takes. But I can help her, Liv. I can. I'm not giving up until I do. So if you're moving her on because you think I can't handle this, or you think… I don't know. That I'm going to run out of patience with her, that she's going to end up…"
"I'm not doing this because I don't think you can handle my daughter, Elliot!" Olivia blurts out. "I'm doing it to save your marriage!"
Elliot's blood runs cold.
"What's Kathy been telling you?" he demands.
His heart is aching.
Because she wouldn't.
She knows how important Lollie is to him.
How important Olivia is to him.
How many times she's gone above and beyond for him and his kids over the years, everything she's risked, for him, for Kathy, for all of them…
"Kathy's not been telling me anything, Elliot," Olivia sighs heavily. "Not like that…"
"No." He shakes his head at the Bluetooth screen, laughs bitterly. "No. No, you can't just shut me out like that…"
"Forget it, El…"
"Olivia…"
"I shouldn't have said anything…"
"Yes, you should," Elliot insists. "You absolutely should, Liv. I didn't know you'd spoken to Kathy…"
"Don't be ridiculous, of course you know I've…"
"Okay. Okay, so what I mean is…"
"Elliot…"
"I didn't know you'd spoken to Kathy about…"
"Elliot…"
"What did she say to you?"
"Elliot, this is…"
"You know if you won't tell me, I'm just going to ask her, don't you? And that's going to make it…"
"I really shouldn't have said anything…"
"Tell me what she said, Olivia…"
She exhales heavily, defeated. "Nothing like that…"
"Tell me…"
"Just that she doesn't know how much more of Pia messing you guys around she can take…"
"She's not messing us around, Liv," Elliot snaps- doesn't mean to take it out on her, but she's the one there on the other end of the phone, and Kathy isn't, and it comes out before he can help himself. "She's not messing us around, she's reacting how any teenager would trying to deal with… you know…"
"You can't even say it…"
"Neither can you…"
"I'm not the one helping her work through it right now, Elliot, for god's sake…"
"She's not messing us around," Elliot repeats quietly, lost as to what else to say. "She's not messing us around, Liv. Kathy had no right to say that…"
"Yes, she does," Olivia sighs. "She does, and you know it…"
"I don't, actually…"
"Elliot, I don't know how long this is going to take," she whispers, defeated, apparently running out of energy to keep on fighting with him. "It could be months, yet. Or it could be… this could end up having to go to trial, it could turn into…"
"That's not going to happen…"
"You don't know that, Elliot…"
"No judge is going to…"
"Will you please not tempt fate? Kathy's got every right to want out, El. You know she has…"
"No, she hasn't…"
"Then this is going to end up costing you your marriage," Olivia tells him simply, pained. "And no, Kathy didn't tell me that. She didn't need to. Because I actually listened to what she had to say. Which is more than you've been doing, by the sounds of it…"
"Liv…"
"I know you didn't even ask Kathy before you agreed to do kinship fostering indefinitely," she snaps. "So save it. You could have avoided this, Elliot, if only you'd…"
"You want to know why I didn't ask her…"
"I really, really don't…"
"Because I was afraid she'd…"
"That's exactly why you should have asked her, Elliot…"
"So I fucked up, didn't I?" he surrenders. "Okay? I fucked up, and I'm sorry…"
"Yes," she tells him simply, that low, emotionless tone she only adopts when she's mentally checked out, had to because she's just too pissed with him to cope otherwise. "Yes, you did. Because I can't leave her with you, now, Elliot…"
"You can…"
"No, I can't! I can't do that," Olivia despairs, voice trembles, sounds horribly as though she's back on the verge of tears again. "I won't let my daughter be the reason your marriage disintegrates. I won't. That's not happening. Kim said she's happy to take her. So that's what we're doing. Social Services have approved it, they just want her escorted out there, given… you know. So she's going to go stay with Kim, give you and Kathy some space…"
"You don't have to do this…"
"Will you stop interfering? Please? I can't do this," she begs him. "It's taken me three hours just to find the strength to call Brian and sort out getting her to JFK tomorrow…"
"If that doesn't tell you you're making the wrong decision…"
"Don't you dare," she warns, voice fades to a hostile whisper. "Don't you dare go there, Elliot. I'm making the only decision I can in a situation I never wanted to find myself in. Alright? It's this, or leave her where she is and let her be the reason your marriage falls apart. Or it's… it's the care system. And I… I can't…"
"How many years were we partners?"
"What?"
"How many years were we partners," Elliot tries again, doesn't intend to sound quite as invasive as he does, doesn't realise it until it's far too late. "And you never told me you did a stint in…"
Olivia hangs up on him abruptly.
