Author's note: Off topic, LoU Part 2 IS OFFICIALLY COMING YAY! Omg omg I'm so excited. I hope I can finish this fic before it comes out lol. On the other hand, LoU movie is 'on hold' at the moment (yes! It'll be a movie! ...hopefully). They're having an issue about movie script I think. Oh well, I can wait, at least we have fanfiction.
Sorry that the update might be late because I'm busy with life… I write and delete this chapter many times because I want to get their voices right. Some dialogues are inspired from IDW TMNT universe (it's awesome!). Raph's words are from a song "Rocksteady" from Epik High. Thanks again for reading. Happy holidays!
"Damnit!"
Mikey winced as Leo threw the portal device on the floor frustratedly. They were quiet for an hour. The first word that came out of his mouth was the foul word. Leo rarely cursed, actually he had never heard his big brother cursed even when he argued with Raph.
They weren't in the mood to set the tent. Shell, they weren't in the mood for anything. Their thought was to get to the shelter, any building that didn't occupy with those nasty things. After wandering on the road, Leo managed to run into the old motel.
Mikey sat on the floor and leaned on the wall, trying to get himself smaller. There was only one rusty metal bed frame in the room. Who ever came here before took the mattress out. Weird. But he didn't care. The floor was comfortable enough. Most of the time he gazed through the window, looking out for clickers and other weird types of zombies. Meeting new kind of zombies made his imagination gone wild. He wondered if there were some creatures that came out of Resident Evil game. He regretted playing it, now he couldn't get the image of Licker which was a zombie with long reptile-like tongue out of his head.
But he snapped back to reality when Leo threw the device away like a garbage, the very same device he risked his life for. He wasn't angry at Leo though. Because they had tried to turn the device on many times but failed, maybe it was already broken, that was why the Kraang left it behind. They tried to fix it, but without Donnie, they couldn't do anything.
If they could go back home, Donnie could help him. He would be the first person who made a cure for zombie virus. Ha! Donnie is smart, of course he can help me.
But life wasn't a game. There was no shortcut, no cheat code, and if they tried to find one they would be punished like he was now. Mikey held his knees close to his plastron. As far as he knew (and learned through gaming), there was no cure, serum, medicine, or whatever to heal someone from zombie disease. And Donnie wasn't here to invent one. Leo tried everything he learned from sensei to help him. But healing mantra didn't work. He wished it worked, but zombie virus was different from snake venom. There was no cure in the movies, too.
Six hours. That was the extent of time before he turned.
So this is why Sam didn't tell Henry or him when he got infected. What would he say without alarming us? And what could we possibly do to help anyway? Maybe he just didn't want to tell them because he was afraid. I don't blame him, this is quite scary. Knowing you'll die within six hours. But maybe he didn't want to tell them because he hoped it'd get better, he thought he'd be alright.
But at least he should tell us. Because, you know, who wants to die alone anyway?
Mikey shuddered. Waiting to die, waiting for the end to come. This wasn't something he imagines. Then again, wasn't he the main character? In the movies, the supporting character was supposed to die first, but he wasn't one of them, right?
I guess I'll be a sideline, B-team forever.
Wondered why he fell into this kind of situation, he looked at the portal device on the floor that fell next to his backpack. Oh yeah, his backpack. If only he listened to Leo and threw more comic books out, it would be lighter. His reflex might be faster. He would have avoided that zombie. But it was too late to realize his mistake. He was going to die because the backpack was heavy. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"Let me see."
Mikey flinched when he felt Leo's hand caressing his cheek, wiping his tears with his thumb. He didn't remember when he started crying. Leo looked at the bandage on his right arm that wrapped the ugly bite mark underneath. Mikey rubbed his eyes and looked away. What's the point to see it? I'll die anyway.
When he didn't respond, Leo used two hands to cup his cheeks, looking at him straight in the eyes. "Please let me see it."
Mikey saw the ocean blue eyes dimmed, hollow. This unsettled him a little because it looked like Leo was losing all hopes. Perhaps he did lose hopes since they knew the device would never work without Donnie. Maybe Leo wanted to see it as a confirmation, that they weren't dreaming, that it really happened. Mikey sighed and let his brother undo the bandage. They fell into quiet moment again.
"It stops bleeding already…" Leo murmured. Again, Mikey didn't respond. For the first time in his life, he didn't know what to say. He tried to avert his eyes when Leo looked at him. Then he felt Leo's forehead pressed on his plastron.
"Mikey," Leo's voice rumbled from his chest. "Talk to me."
"Umm…" Mikey tried, really, but his mind was blank. He couldn't think about positive things. Not sure what to say, he contemplating the bite mark on his arm. The redness painted the area of the wound, but it didn't hurt anymore. He should say something about it, right? Mikey pursed his lips for a moment then said quietly. "I think this type of infection is different from snake venom."
Well, he tried.
Leo's hand moved to rest on his plastron. He took it as a sign to continue his monolog.
"So, umm, maybe that's a reason why healing mantra doesn't work. I mean, zombie virus isn't limited only in bloodstream. It's like you have no idea how it works but if you get bitten you will turn anyway. And, umm, this type of infection is different from zombie movie. Like, mushroom grows out of their head. So it isn't just about blood. Actually in Resident Evil game... You remember it right? A horror game that I need Raph to sit down and play with me. Right. In that game zombies are mutated from T-virus. I remember that 'cause Raph teased me that T-virus is a short name for turtle virus, then I thought zombies and turtles are the same things so I cried at the top of my his lungs. That's when you came in and scolded him and told him to tell me it's not true. But I didn't stop crying and in the end Master Splinter came out to explain that zombies are not real... I just didn't wanna be zombie, you know..."
"Mikey…" Leo whispered. He remembered this tone. Leo used it when he felt Mikey was talking too much.
"Hey, you asked me to say something…"
"What should I do now?" Leo said weakly.
Mikey opened his mouth and closed it. Do I look like I have an answer? Why do you ask me? You're my leader. You should tell me what to do! We should get home by now if that alien portal device works. But it doesn't!
...actually I want to tell you that it's okay. It's not hurt anymore. But it'll be a lie. I'm doomed, and you're stuck here with me.
He hugged his older brother, hoping to help him get better. Leo never felt so weak in his arms. Leo's presence in his memories always strong and vibrant, not gloomy like this. His chin touched the top of Leo's head. The skin was too cold, or maybe he was too warm?
"...I...err..." Mikey hesitated. "I feel a little bit warm."
Leo pulled off immediately and moved to touch his forehead. "You have a fever. Let's get you lie down." His brother was about to get up to arrange a spot for their sleeping when he blurted out.
"But I don't want to rest. What if I turn while I'm sleeping?"
The words slipped out of his mouth easily. Leo froze, looking at him with wide eyes. His expression was mixed between fear, distressing, and more importantly, guilt. Mikey gulped, snapping his mouth shut. The uncomfortable silence drenched them.
It was like a countdown. They were not waiting for him to get better like when they got sick. Sure, he was sick, and it would get worse every minute. Mikey would eventually lose his life after the countdown ended.
He decided to break the silence since he didn't want to be quiet until the last moment of his life.
"You know," Mikey said, rubbing his cold arm. "Sam didn't have a chance to say goodby-"
"Stop."
He stared at Leo with his mouth left hanging. He knew Sam and Henry were a forbidden topic. They tended to avoid even if he could never forget their friend. But hearing Leo stop him before he could talk about them irked him, especially when he was in the same position like Sam. Mikey frowned.
"Why?! I don't want to wait until it's too late."
"No," Leo's voice was so low he almost didn't catch it. "Please, I… I can't..."
His older brother was begging him. It was a rare sight. Leo never begged, never showed his weakness. Everything was so wrong in this world and he blamed the world for changing his brother. Mikey witnessed his own brother succumbed to self-condemnation before his eyes and realized he couldn't break his heart any further.
"...'kay."
Mikey thought Leo would stay quiet for another hour, but it seemed he was wrong.
"I thought a lot about our endings."
Mikey tore his gaze from the window to look at his brother, raising eye ridge. Leo sat next to him on the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest, staring into space.
"After we're back from space, Raph confronted me and asked me about what you called 'stupid act'," A tiny smile found its way on his face before he continued. "I told him everything since he promised not to tell you."
Oh. So this is one of older-brothers-only secret. But why he's telling me now? Oh, right, I told him he can tell me anything if he wants to. Now I have to be a good listener. At least Leo's monolog sounds better than mine.
The only problem he had was he was left out of the loop. "Wait, what? Only me?"
Leo pondered for a moment before he answered. "Actually I let him decide when he's going to tell you. I just asked him not to tell you right away."
While Leo was confessing, he didn't look at him at all. Mikey didn't mind as long as Leo was speaking. He wondered what he would see if he looked into Leo's eyes now. The tight note in his voice told him how heartfelt this confession was.
"I told him about our lives, our enemies we've encountered until now. I told him about my nightmares, the way we could have died in the past. They're not beautiful. if we keep going like this, one day we're going to die. It could be any of us. No matter how good we are, one mistake and then we're gone." Leo hung his head low. "I can't let it happen. Not if I can prevent it."
Mikey dared to ask. "And what did he say to you?"
"He told me I was wrong. I didn't have to walk on the road alone."
Mikey raised an eye ridge again. Leo sighed.
"Okay, his exact words are 'you know it's like incest to fuck yourself over and over'."
Ough. Kudos to that punchline. Mikey grinned. He could imagine Raph saying that but with more physical manners.
Leo sighed again, reeling his mind back to the topic at hand. "I know he meant well. But it's not easy. If I know there's something I can do, I'd do it without doubts. Then he told me I was selfish, that someday I'll be dead because of recklessness. Of course I thought about a chance of dying in the fight, trying to stay alive until the very end. I thought about jumping between you and the bullet to protect you even if it would cost my life. But never like this. I never thought we would die because some virus can turn us into a monster."
The word 'monster' stung. Because that was what he was going to be soon. A monster. Zombie monster, or mushroom, Mikey wasn't sure. Leo hugged his knees, eyes squeezed shut. It seemed like he tried to block Mikey away.
"I'm not prepared for this. I can't help you even if I'm here by your side. All I can do is watching you slipping away."
Mikey's heart sank. He couldn't do it. His own brother didn't want his goodbye when they still had time. Henry never got it from Sam. He always thought if Sam said goodbye properly, Henry wouldn't have killed himself.
Mikey stared at Leo for full minute but Leo still buried his face on his knees. When he was lost at words, hugging seemed to be a better answer. He put his arm on Leo's body and tugged him close.
He wondered what would happen if he said goodbye.
There were two options left for his big brother. First, Leo still had a chance to go back to their world where Master Splinter, Raph, and Donnie were waiting for him. Second, as much as he hated it, but if Leo didn't want to go back alone, he could stay until the very end and give up his life after he turned, just like Henry did. He didn't want that. One turtle short was bad enough. If both Leo and he were gone forever leaving two brothers back home, he was sure their family would fall apart. At least he wanted Leo to go back to tell them what happened here.
The next question is, I want to be killed before or after I turn.
The choices he had, however, were also two options. He could spend the last moment with his brother until mushroom grew out of his head, or he could… end his life before it happened. Mikey hadn't thought about this particular idea much, mainly because he was afraid, too coward to kill himself. But if he didn't, Leo would be forced to kill him anyway. He couldn't imagine how he felt when he had to kill one of their brothers. He didn't want to think about it.
He thought about Henry and Sam. At least his brother knew he was infected. They still had time to talk, unlike Sam. But it seemed that Leo didn't want to talk yet...
It was getting dark outside. The room fell into the cold darkness. Leo didn't make a fire, perhaps because they stayed indoor. But it was cold and he probably asked for warm clothes later. His red shirt from New York was destroyed from the fight in the factory. Mikey could hardly see anything inside the room. He relied on hearing skill, but Leo was a better ninja compared to him. He couldn't hear his breathing or his steps. Leo was building the wall to block him off to control his own emotions. It was like he faded into the darkness.
It felt like Mikey was all alone.
Mikey felt a bit dizzy from the fever so he leaned his head on the wall, rubbing his right arm. Leo used his own cloak and human clothes to let him lie down but he refused. He didn't like an idea of being motionless. Mikey also had to stay awake since he didn't want his brother to do something impulsive. At least he heard a soft footstep echoed through the room. He could tell Leo was still here, but couldn't pinpoint where he was. Well, he didn't want to stay quiet until the end of his life, so he spoke.
"You know, Raph turned into a plant one time. Maybe it's not bad. I'll have mushroom face like that pizza face."
There was a long gap until he heard Leo's voice. "You promised me you won't make a joke about mushroom again…"
"Oh right. I'm sorry. Couldn't resist. You remember Raph being a plant right? He's soooo cute with puppy eyes."
"Yeah," Suddenly Leo appeared next to him, draping his arm over his shoulder to pull him close. Even in close space he couldn't see any expression on his face, it was too dark. "I also remember that Donnie fixed him."
Here we go, Mikey thought. I am trying to make it better talk and one minute later he ruins it. It's like we're back at the start point.
He felt Leo digging his fingers on his shoulder, shaking. Leo sighed audibly, finally withdrawn.
"Donnie should be here with you, not me. He can make a cure for the zombie virus. Well, he probably knows how to make the portal and takes you home in a few days. And me? I make us stuck here for a month. What can I do now? All my skills are useless. I can't even protect you."
Mikey thought he should say something. He didn't know if it would make the situation better or worse, but he had to. Otherwise Leo would put himself deep in the sea of guilt. "Don't say that. You're right. My backpack's too heavy. If I can move faster-"
"Stop," Leo interrupted him, pulling him closer. "You know it's not about the backpack."
Then what is it? Mikey wanted to ask, but he knew that anything he said Leo would turn it into his own fault. Mikey sighed. He hated this. Who would have thought the Mikester is now on his deathbed?
He tried to think of happy moments they shared together but it made him depressed even more. He missed the lair, missed pranking his family and joking around with his friends. He missed his New York, missed pizza and everything. Shell, he even missed Kraang. He would trade all his action figures and comic books in exchange of meeting one of them here.
He would be the first mutant turtle who had mushroom growing on his head. Not pleasant sight. At all. And what can I do after I turned? Walking on the road aimlessly until I find a human to nom-nom? Oh right, Leo wouldn't let me do it… Speaking of which, he had to ask what Leo would do if he turned, even if he was afraid of the answer…
Mikey tilted his head slightly, looking at Leo. His older brother wasn't a big fan of getting intimate with their brothers physically, having to hold his reputation as the leader. But at this moment Leo didn't care anymore. As if he didn't trust himself enough to speak, Leo just pulled him close and remained quiet. Mikey gathered his strength and whispered to him.
"Leo, please don't kill yourself," like Henry did. It was left unsaid but they both knew it. Leo quickly released him and looked at him in the eyes but didn't say anything, so Mikey finished his sentence quickly. "Donnie and Raph need you, bro."
Mikey expected at least an accusing stare from him, but he got nothing. Leo's gaze was blank and his expression was unreadable. Something told him that it wasn't because he restrained his emotions, it was like he was totally calm, accepting his fate. That was where Mikey began to panic. He grabbed Leo's arms and shook them.
"Come on bro, don't-" Mikey swallowed before continue. "Please don't do it, okay? Promise me you'll get back home safely."
Even if it was dark, a slight movement of Leo's lips caught his eyes. But Leo was keeping silent which made him super nervous.
"Leo? Leo! Promise me!"
Mikey was ready to shake an answer out of his brother when Leo whispered back.
"What about you?"
What about me? I don't even have a future, shell, I don't even have tomorrow.
"What about me?" Mikey laughed nervously. "I don't know anymore. How am I supposed to feel right now?"
"We promised we'll share everything," Leo said tiredly. He kept his stoic look, freezing his face enough to nullify his emotions. Mikey gulped. He knew what he wanted to say but was too afraid to say it out loud. His mind was a mess.
What can you say when something gets inside your mind and destroy from within?
"I'm scared," Oh god, is that my voice? Why is it so broken? "Is it how people feel when they're going to die?"
If they were on different situation, he would have been impressed by Leo's calmness. "It's okay to be scared, Mikey."
His mind snapped off like a light switch, just like that. The wall crumbled down. He didn't want to do this to Leo. He didn't want to make him feel even more guilty, but he couldn't help it, he was weak, too weak to face the end alone. His grip on his brother's arms tightened, his tears flood his cheeks, his lips trembling.
"I don't wanna die."
There, he said it, and when he started he knew he couldn't stop.
"I don't wanna die. I don't want to become one of them. Don't let me turn, bro. Don't let me die. Please… I'll do anything you want. I'll be good. I won't prank anyone again. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. If I did we wouldn't be in this situation." The pleading cries for his brother echoed through the rooms. Leo held him still, looking at him with soft eyes. It was a simple gesture to let him know that big brother was here, listening, comforting him.
He knew he asked what Leo could not offer. He realized he was giving the worst torment to his older brother. Leo was seeing one of their brothers dying but couldn't do anything. If he could swap their place, he knew Leo would do it in instant. But he couldn't stop. Tears were streaming down his face. How many hours had passed? How long had he got left?
"I wanna see dad again before I die..."
With that, Leo broke down. His brother never cried in front of him before. Mikey startled by this. His wail lessened into small sobs and hiccups, while Leo was crying openly, brokenly. The thought of not be able to see their family again brought him to tears. The burden on his brother's shoulder was crumbling down, buried him alive. Mikey realized Leo needed him more than ever. He gave him a pat of sympathy on his shell before pulling him into his plastron.
Somehow seeing Leo choking on tears was worse than choking on blood.
This time his dream was weird. It wasn't about mushroom zombies. It began with squirrelanoid in cockroach costume. It was as big as the white mutated cockroach they met before. It terrified him. But Master Splinter came and punched it to dust. He was happy. He missed father. He missed everyone. Maybe after he died he could dream about them forever. He stirred in his sleep and then his dream ended.
Mikey found himself under the layer of clothes and blankets. He didn't remember sleeping. A fever probably kicked in, making him exhausted. He quickly rubbed his injured arm, it was still there. Man, his dream was better than reality. He got up slowly and called his brother.
"Leo?"
"I'm here."
There was a dim light in the room. He saw Leo sitting near the candlelight with the portal device in his left hand. Probably trying in vain to fix it. Leo seemed to collect himself back. No dried tears on his face. His brother put the device on the floor and walked towards him with concerns.
"You just sleep for fifteen minutes. How are you?"
So I still have time, that's good.
"I… err… feel better? But it's cold, dude."
Leo kneeled down beside him to arrange the messy pile on Mikey before lying down next to him. Mikey blinked as his older brother pulled him close.
"Better?"
Mikey nodded and hummed with content. They lied snug and warm amid the blankets. But he just woke up and didn't want to sleep right away, so he shifted a bit to bury his face in his brother's neck.
"Please tell Donnie that I hide his textbooks under my bed. Raph… So many pranks I want to do with him..." Mikey murmured. "And tell father I love him."
Leo fell into silence again. He seemed really good at it.
"Bro, say something."
"..."
"Come on, bro. Anything's fine. You know, it's high time to have heart-to-heart."
"...I."
"Yeah?"
"I won't give up on you."
Mikey swallowed a lump in his throat, fully understood the meaning behind that words. He doesn't want me to say goodbye because he doesn't want to give up.
But what can you do if you don't wanna give up?
Leo was quiet again. He still had time to be with his brother and he didn't want to waste it by sleeping. So he changed the topic. "Hey, now you can tell me anything. I'll take your secret to the grave, literally I guess. It's safe, dude."
He felt Leo kissing the top of his head but didn't say anything. Well, it's up to me again.
"Okay, mine is when we're ten. Remember when you found a limited version of Captain Ryan figure in the sewers? You're so happy to have the first collection of him, but then you lost it. We helped you to find it but no such luck. Then it mysteriously came back to your room and Donnie thought it was possessed by ghost or something. Actually, it was me who dropped it into the pool in the first place and took it back."
Leo's voice broke the silence in the room. "You did that?"
Of course, even now the best topic to bring Leo out of his shell is Captain Ryan. Typical.
"Yeah, and I'm sorry. Wingnut and Screwloose wanted to play with him so I couldn't resist. I, err, let them fight with Captain Ryan and dropped it into the pool. It was accident, dude! I was scared you'd mad at me so I didn't tell you and I kinda forgot it. I remembered it a week later, though." Mikey finished meekly. "That's all about me. Well, you have some terrible secret to share?"
His big brother just held him closer, whispering near his ear slit.
"I love you."
He felt his heart leaped for no reason. Maybe because he didn't expect this. Getting affection physically and verbally in the same day? Argh, not that I hate it, but it means Fearless Leader is losing his mind. Mikey chuckled uncomfortably. "That's not a secret, bro."
"I know."
They fell into silence again. Mikey shut his eyes and breathed out.
"I love you too." He felt the drowsiness slowly claimed him. Mikey let his thoughts stir and grow still. So many questions without answers, but he could wait for now. "Leo… I'm glad you're with me. Just… don't blame yourself."
Then he fell asleep once again.
He didn't know that Leo lied to him.
He didn't sleep for fifteen minutes. It was almost midnight. It meant Mikey had less than an hour to turn.
Leo let Mikey cuddle him. His little brother's soft breath was on his neck. A vulnerable part of the body. He knew, but he didn't care if Mikey woke up again and bit him. Leo exhaled against the green skin, silently submit to his fate.
So he waited.
