August- Harry, age 16
Harry sat up in bed, rubbing at his eyes before he stretched his arms out above his head. He groaned softly as he reached and grabbed his glasses, placing them on with a shake of his head.
Over the night he had been so sure he heard her voice, and he felt that Bellatrix was haunting him at any point. Nearly every night he heard her laugh within his dreams, but this had been different. She had been talking.
Pushing himself up, Harry glanced towards his window before standing and stretching properly once more. It wasn't super early for the summer, nor was he late getting up.
He moved to the door, rubbing under his glasses as he stepped out into the hall and towards the stairs.
Snape sat at the kitchen table, his mind a million miles away. He had been left without a choice. When Narcissa had asked to speak to him, he could not deny her. Doing so would send the wrong message to everyone. When her sister walked into his house beside her, he had to keep a straight face. He had to somehow hide his true feelings about how close she was to his son.
He could not deny her request either. He had been left with no choice but to agree. Any other route would have been disastrous both for him as well as Harry. Not that taking the Unbreakable Vow would not lead to a disastrous outcome as well. The man had been put in a horrible position.
He could not stop the thoughts that he had ruined everything. That he should have been smarter. He should have somehow thought of another option.
The man sighed loudly, resting his forehead in his hands his eyes closed.
Harry stepped down into the parlor, glancing as the fading fire before looking into the kitchen at the loud sigh. He frowned as he stepped into the room and saw Snape with his head bowed.
Surly nothing had to be wrong this early on in the day.
Harry moved to his chair next to his guardian, pulling it out and sitting down with a hum. "Snape?"
"Hmm?" Snape did not move, his eyes fixed on the wooden table, barely even registering that Harry was sitting beside him now.
Harry leaned forward slightly, tilting his head as well. He reached and tapped the table in front of the man as if attempting to break Snape from his trance. "You okay?" Did he do something wrong?
"Hmmm?" Snape hummed once more before lifting his head to look at his child. "I am fine," he nodded. He shook his head slightly as if suddenly realizing where he was and with who. "You need breakfast, don't you?"
Harry sat back up, resting his head on his palm as he stared at the man. "I mean…I'm not that hungry right now, honestly." He murmured, shaking his head slowly.
Snape gave a soft nod before his eyes moved back to the table. "You should get dressed for the day. Perhaps you could visit the Burrow later?"
That wasn't right at all. Snape always made him eat his meals unless he was actually feeling ill.
He ignored the question altogether.
"What's wrong?" Harry pressed once more, watching Snape as concern started to creep onto his expression.
Snape was silent for a long moment before his eyes quickly moved to Harry. "Absolutely. I am fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
Harry nearly pointed out that hadn't even been the question he asked before he closed his mouth. Maybe a different approach to see just how far his guardian's mind was.
"I forgot about something for an essay." He easily lied, leaning back in his chair slightly. "What type of sprigs are needed for a forgetfulness potion again?"
Snape's eyes stayed on the child as he shook his head. "Look that up. You will need to know it for an assignment I am sure."
"Dad." Harry scooted his chair closer, eyeing Snape carefully. "Something's wrong." He declared, tapping the table once more. Snape was acting far too strange. Distant.
Snape heard the words and the concern in his child's tone. The man swallowed heavily, forcing himself to pull it together as best as he could. "I am fine, Harry. Why don't you go and get dressed for the day?"
"Liar," his tone was soft, no anger, no accusation. Instead the worry remained. Harry remained in place, resting his cheek on his hand once more.
"Yes," Snape nodded, having not even truly heard what the boy had said. His fingertips began softly drumming on the table as his mind wandered back to the position he was in. He couldn't tell Harry. He just couldn't. Still, he couldn't help but think that what he had promised could eventually destroy the relationship he had with the child.
Harry blinked, reaching a hand out to rest on Snape's shoulder. Something was terribly wrong. Something so wrong that it was distracting the man completely from what was around him.
At least he wasn't making a potion that morning.
Standing, Harry moved the step closer to his guardian and wrapped his arms tightly around Snape's shoulders.
Snape's raised his hand to rest on Harry's for a long moment before he gently tapped it. "Okay. Enough of this nonsense. You wanted breakfast correct?"
"I mean I said I wasn't that hungry." He pulled away, sitting back within his chair. "I didn't sleep well." Harry muttered, shrugging a shoulder.
"Why?" Snape found himself glad that the attention could be taken off of him.
"Lestrange." Harry spoke the name with distain as he shook his head, tracing a pattern across the table. "It's like she's haunting me. I always hear her."
Snape felt his blood run cold at the words. He was thankful that the child thought it had been a dream yet at the same time he felt horrible that he knew it had not been. "You had a nightmare about her?"
"Often…but this was different. I don't remember seeing her in any dream, but I know I heard her." Harry shook his head, sighing heavily.
Snape let out a shaky breath. "Do you know what she was saying?"
Harry offered a shrug, resting his chin on his hand as he continued to stare at the table in his own thought. "Something about promising, but I don't remember." He shook his head slowly.
Snape swallowed a sigh of relief as he instead nodded forcing himself of to appear unfazed by the words. "This nightmare kept you up all night?"
The nodded, stretching his arms out across the table. "Fell asleep at like four I think." Harry frowned. "Or maybe all that was part of the dream- I just kept hearing her. Hate her," he muttered with a scoff.
"I am not very fond of her myself." Snape's eyes drifted back down to the table as he started to become lost in his own thoughts once more.
Harry fell silent himself, drumming his fingers before he looked over to Snape again. He couldn't help but feel something was still off with the man, even if he denied it.
Snape remained silent as he stared down at the table, his mind wandering back to the vow he had made hours earlier. He would have to be the one to do it, he knew that. He could not allow a child to do such a thing. To live with such a thing.
A soft sigh escaped the man's lips.
"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Harry finally spoke, swallowing. It made him nervous with how Snape was acting.
A second soft sigh escaped the man's lips as the teenager's words registered in his mind. "It is none of your concern, Harry."
"It is." He continued to frown as he rested his arms down and tilted his head.
"It is not," Snape insisted. "Everything is just fine." The man forced his head up, his eyes locking with his child's. "You need to eat breakfast and get dressed for the day."
"I'll get dressed first." Harry pushed himself up, scowling down towards Snape as he stood. "Wish you trusted me, you're a horrible liar sometimes." He muttered while pushing his chair in.
"It is not about trust Harry. I trust you immensely." The man shook his head sadly. "However, I cannot tell you everything. I would not be a good parent to you if I did."
The teen opened his mouth to respond before closing it once more with a hurt scowl. He stared at Snape for a long moment, refusing to move from his current position. "But something is wrong."
Snape was silent for a long moment before nodding. "Yes, something is wrong, but it does not concern you at all." The man paused once more swallowing hard. "It has nothing to do with you."
"But it has to do with you! Doesn't it? It has to. I've…I've never seen you like this!" Harry emphasized as he raised a hand to Snape.
"Just calm down." Snape waved a hand calling the child over to him. "I am fine, Harry. I am just tired."
Harry rested his hand down, releasing a slow breath as he moved the few feet over to Snape. "Sorry." He muttered, raising a hand to rub at his head.
Snape reached a hand out and easily took hold of the child, pulling him to his side before he moved his chair back and turned his body slightly. "I will be absolutely fine, Harry. I need you to trust that."
He moved the final step closer as Snape turned, keeping his eyes on the man. "That doesn't make me feel like things are okay, Dad." Harry pointed out as he studied Snape. He had been fine last night? Hadn't he?
"As I said I am tired. I barely slept at all last night." The man hummed softly as he wrapped an arm around the child. "It appears we have that in common today."
"What kept you up?" Harry wrapped an arm around Snape's shoulder in return. He closed his eyes, resting his chin down on the top of Snape's head from his position of standing.
Snake swallowed heavily. "I simply could not sleep. Perhaps we should both eat some breakfast and then try and take a bit of a nap?"
The teen hummed as he lifted his head back up, releasing his hold from around Snape's shoulder. "Okay." He agreed softly, forcing a smile.
Snape's hand tapped the boys back lightly before he released his grip on the boy. He turned in his seat once more, tapping the table and causing their breakfast to appear. "Sit and eat please."
Harry moved back to his seat, sitting down and pulling his plate closer to himself. He looked down to the meal, still hardly feeling hungry. Yet he picked up his fork, taking a bit of his eggs.
"I think a nice nap will do wonders for both of us." Snape picked up his fork, forcing himself to take a bite of his food.
"Sometimes feels like I haven't slept in days." Harry admitted as he shifted his next bite around before eating it as well.
"A small dose of Dreamless Sleep may do you wonders." Snape ate another bite of his meal as he tried to force himself to stay in the moment rather than let his thoughts control him.
"I won't need it." He shook his head as he finally relaxed, picking up his toast and taking a few bites from it. Snape at least seemed better right then.
Snape hummed in reply. "If that changes, I expect you to tell me. You need to get some sleep."
"I will." Harry agreed before he finally pushed his plate away. "I'm not that hungry still."
Snape nearly opened his mouth to tell the child to eat some more yet instead he released a soft sigh, tapping the table and causing both of their plates to vanish. "Neither am I."
Again, a surprise.
The teen blinked as both plates disappeared and he rested his elbow on the table, looking back to Snape. He was sure the man had eaten even less than he did- and that wasn't saying much.
"Did you want to sleep in the parlor on the couch?" Snape's fingertips tapped the table lightly.
"Yeah." Harry finally pushed himself up again, stepping behind his chair and pushing it in. "You're going to bed then?"
Snape stood as well, moving towards the parlor. "I think I will try and nap in my armchair." He stepped into the parlor, waving a hand and causing Harry's blanket and pillow to appear on the couch.
Following Snape into the parlor, Harry sighed as he moved over to the couch. He was silently thankful Snape would be staying down, perhaps he would actually have a peaceful rest then.
He laid down onto his stomach before rolling on his side and pulling his blanket up.
Snape sat down in his armchair, leaning back in it as his eyes closed. The man was willing sleep to come. He was sure that would not be the case, however. He had far too much on his mind.
Harry blinked several times, attempting to watch Snape before he gave up and closed his eyes completely. Maybe they were both simply tired. Things would be normal again that day, it had to be.
He gave a hum, turning to lay back on his stomach as he curled a hand under his pillow. Sleep tugged at his mind yet a part told him to stay awake, the nagging voice that something was off entirely. Harry shook his head, willing the thoughts away as he relaxed under his covers.
Though Snape's eyes remained closed, the man did not sleep. He did not even relax. The events of the morning continued to play over in his thoughts. He searched for any answer aside from the obvious one.
Hours passed before Harry jolted awake with a sharp breath, sitting up on an elbow as he glanced around the room.
He lowered his head back down, taking in several deep breathes. There would be no escaping those laughs, those taunting words.
Harry cursed softly under his breath as he sat up on both elbows and bowed his head down.
"Watch your language," Snape chided softly, his eyes remaining closed. The man had not slept at all. He had remained in his armchair, his eyes opening every hour or so to mark the time.
Harry's head snapped up and over to Snape, lowering himself back down and resting his chin on his pillow.
He hadn't thought Snape would still be sitting there.
"Sorry." He breathed, taking in a calming breath before releasing it slowly.
Snape hummed softly, his eyes remaining closed. "You slept for quite a while. You must feel a bit better."
Harry shrugged before realizing Snape hadn't been looking at him still. "A little. You?" He pushed himself up, rubbing at his eyes as he turned himself to sit properly.
"I am just fine Harry." The man's eyes finally opened to look over at his child. "My concern is you."
"You're the one that said you were tired to." He moved his pillow, holding it to his front as he laid across the couch and perched himself up against the arm. "I'm okay. She just…haunts me."
"I did say that I was tired as well, you are correct." Snape's eyes remained on his child. "I know that she does. I also know that you can likely do little to control that however, I do not like that it is affecting your sleep."
"I'm fine." Harry repeated once more and he turned his head to rest his forehead against the back cushion. He shrugged a shoulder.
"Hardly sleeping all night is far from fine." Snape's tone remained normal as he sat up a bit straighter.
He only hummed, curling up his legs as a yawn forced its way through. "Nothing can be done about it. I can't take a potion every single night."
"I agree, you cannot." Snape sighed softly, his eyes closing once more. "You should eat something."
"I'm just not feeling hungry." Harry looked over to Snape, closing his own eyes after a moment.
Snape's eyes remained closed as he hummed softly. "Okay."
"Are you really Severus Snape?" Harry spoke as he opened his eyes as stared up to the ceiling. "Because I'm starting to doubt it."
"You are not six years old Harry. If you are not hungry, do not eat." Snape's swallowed a yawn as he leaned back in his chair once more.
Only offering a hum, Harry stretched his arms out before looking over to Snape. This time he simple watched the man.
He was nearly reminded of when Snape was at a loss just a couple years ago. But there was also something different that Harry just couldn't place.
"Did you even sleep at all last night?"
"A bit." The lie came out easily as Snape's eyes closed once more. The man knew he should take a dose of Dreamless Sleep but he was always too fearful that Harry would need him and he wouldn't wake in time.
Harry hummed, adjusting his legs as he held his pillow to his front still. "You can go to bed. It'd probably be more comfortable."
"I am fine, Harry. I am simply resting my eyes." The man gave a soft hum. "Are you feeling more rested?"
"Than before? Yeah." The teen stood, placing his pillow down on the couch before he moved over to Snape. "You sure you're not sick?" Skepticism raised within his voice as he stood next to Snape's chair, resting against the arm.
"I am sure. I have a lot on my mind, that is all." Snape's eyes opened as he heard the child's voice get closer. His hand moved to gently tap Harry's hip. "Do not worry about me."
Harry gave the man a doubtful look as he looked down to him with a frown. "I'm allowed to, though."
A sigh escaped the man as his fingertips patted the boy's hip once more. "Yes, you are allowed to. However, there is no reason to do so."
He leaned back, resting his arm across the back of the chair as he looked towards the fireplace. "We need another vacation."
Snape hummed softly. "Perhaps in the future. I am not sure that now is the right time."
"What? But it's break now still. We can at least take a weekend trip." He offered, his frown returning.
"Maybe. We shall see." Snape sighed softly.
"Dad. What's wrong?" Harry pressed once more, shifting his leg perched up on the arm of the chair. "What, did you have a meeting with Him or something?" Even if that was the case, Snape never allowed it to visibly affect him.
"Stop," Snape tone was a bit stern as he gave the boy a pointed look. "I have already told you that it is not your concern. Do not start questioning me."
"I can help it though." Harry fought to keep his own tone neutral, to not be frustrated. It was clear that something was wrong, and Snape's words only confirmed it.
"You cannot help but worry, I understand that." Snape's hand moved to tap the boys chin a bit firmly. "However, you can certainly help questioning me about this."
"Snape," Harry moved his head away before standing with a breath. "Fine."
"Thank you." Snape gave a nod before his eyes closed once more, his head resting back.
The teen watched the man for a moment before he moved away slowly, blinking in frustration as he sat back on the couch. He hated when things were hidden from him- things that affected himself or his guardian. "I'm not a child…you don't have to hide things."
"I do not recall stating that I did not want to tell you because of your age." Snape's eyes remained closed. The man was sure that he had never been so exhausted both physically and mentally in his life.
"Then why? I've never seen you like this. Not even when you've been sick!" Harry emphasized as he leaned forward slightly.
Snape's eyes opened as he looked over at his child. "Because it is my decision to do so. I am allowed privacy Harry, even when you do not agree or like it."
The teen met Snape's gaze for a long moment, almost challenging the man before he finally looked away.
Snape held the child's gaze and when he looked away the man cleared his throat. "Regardless of what you think about it, it is my decision whether I tell you something or keep it to myself and I have decided that this will not be shared with you. Now I would appreciate it if you would let it go."
"I'm still going to think something is wrong." Harry muttered, continuing to stare off to the side with a scowl. And he would find out.
"You may think whatever you like." Snape stretched slightly before sitting up more properly. "You need to eat lunch."
"I'm not hungry." Harry repeated from before, shaking his head. "I'll just eat later."
"You hardly ate any breakfast at all." Snape's eyes remained on the teenager.
"I know." He continued to stare to the side, frowning before shrugging a shoulder. "I'm just not hungry."
An exasperated sigh escaped Snape's lips as he stood, his back cracking quietly. "Suit yourself." The man walked towards the kitchen. "I will be in my laboratory should you need me."
"Okay." Harry moved his gaze towards the fireplace, resting his head between the back cushions as he did so. His head didn't move as his eyes watched Snape for just a moment before returning to the dying flames.
Snape nearly commented on the boys moping around but refrained. Instead the man walked through the kitchen and into his laboratory. He stopped at his supply closet, pulling several ingredients out before he moved over to his workbench, turning the heat under the cauldron on. The man was more than ready for something else to distract his mind.
Hours passed, well into dusk before Harry finally decided to simply call it a night. If Snape wanted to avoid him altogether? Fine.
He stood from where he had laid on the couch, placing the quidditch magazine down as he moved towards the door that led to the lab. There was no use in bothering knocking. If Snape was so busy into a potion, there was the chance he wouldn't hear it anyway.
Stepping into the laboratory, Harry slowly closed the door behind him.
Snape's eyes moved from the potion he had been working on to his child. "Did you need something?" His eyes drifted back to his work as he picked up a squill bulb and the small knife that he kept close to the cauldron.
Harry moved over to the other side of the work bench, sitting down as he watched the man work. "I'm about to go to bed. Wanted to say good night."
Snape hummed softly. "Have you eaten anything since you ate a few bites of breakfast?" The man set the ingredient and the knife down and picked up the wooden spoon, stirring the potion.
"I had some soup a bit ago." Harry reached, picking up the bulb and looking it over. "Let me guess…Felix Felicis?" He placed the ingredient back down, sitting up slightly better to look into the cauldron.
"Very good." Snape hummed softly as he set down the wooden spoon. "Take a shower before bed and then I will come up and say goodnight." Snape picked up the knife, preparing to cut the bulb.
Harry blinked, his mind quickly focusing on what Snape was doing instead. Was he really about to cut the bulb? No.
Yet the suspicion was confirmed when the first cut was made and Harry spoke. "What are you doing?"
"Working on Felix Felicis." Snape's looked up at the child with confusion on his face. "Now who is acting strange, Harry?"
"You!" Harry motioned to the ingredient. "You're cutting it." He shook his head, studying Snape. "You don't cut it, unless you're wanting to ruin it then go ahead and we can see how that results."
Snape paused for a moment. The child was right. He set the knife down before shaking his head. "I am tired."
"So, you've said all day." Harry took the knife from the man. "Work on it tomorrow, on any potion tomorrow. I don't want to be thinking you're about to blow up the place." Harry muttered.
Snape raised an eyebrow at the child. While Harry was not wrong, he certainly didn't like being told what to do. "Go take a shower."
Harry looked up to Snape, concern clear on his face. "Please don't work on anything else tonight?" He slowly stood but still didn't make any move to leave.
An annoyed sigh passed Snape's lips before he nodded. "I need to clean up in here and then I will be up to say goodnight."
"And then you'll go to bed?" Harry started to move from around the work bench, pausing closer to the door. "I mean…you said you've been tired all day."
"Then I will be going to bed as well." Snape nodded as he turned the heat off on the cauldron. He could dispose of the potion he had been working on in the morning. "Go on, into the shower please."
Harry hovered for a moment, clearly still concerned with what he had just prevented. Best case scenario? A botched potion. Worst case…?
He released a breath, turning and exiting the room to go up and take a shower.
Snape let out an exasperated sigh after the teenager left. Several curses left his mouth at how foolish he had nearly been as he cleaned up the ingredients he had been using. He had to put the events of the previous evening behind him. Worrying about it would not change anything. The man needed to get his head back on straight before his child started losing sleep over him.
Nearly a quarter of an hour later, Snape walked out of his laboratory shutting the door tightly behind him as he headed towards the staircase.
Harry rested up in bed, not exactly tired but what else was he going to do? He stared down at one of his books for the following year yet he couldn't concentrate. How could he?
Snape almost made a deadly mistake.
Snape climbed the staircase, walking into the teenager's room a moment later. He moved over to Harry's bed, sitting down on the edge. "Preparing for next year already? Impressive."
He hummed softly, closing the book and placing it on the side table. The teen looked up to Snape, looking at him but not replying.
He had actually felt scared, and he hated it. Hated that something done so often could have ended terribly. What if he hadn't come in then?
"Lie down." Snape tapped the boy's foot gently. "I think that perhaps an early night will do us both some good."
"You've never almost messed up a potion like that." Harry laid as instructed, rolling onto his stomach and looking down towards the man.
"I am very tired." Snape took hold of the blankets, pulling them up over the boy's shoulders. "I simply was not thinking clearly."
"At all," he pointed out as he closed his eyes. "I love you."
"At all," Snape agreed as his hand moved to gently rub the boy's back. "I love you very much and I want you to get some sleep."
"You too." Harry emphasized as he tucked his arms under his pillow. "Can I help you with the potion tomorrow?"
"You may." Snape's fingertips gently tapped against the boys back. "If you have any nightmares tonight, I expect to be woken up. Are we clear?"
He didn't give a response, nestling his head further into his pillow as he focused on the tapping against his back instead. He doubted he would wake Snape up if he was truly this tired. He could handle the nightmares.
"I am going to take that as a yes." Snape's fingertips continued to tap before moving to rub the boys back once more. "Goodnight Harry."
"Goodnight." Harry breathed, swallowing as he tightened his hold around his pillow.
