Sorry for being a few weeks late with this update, I got a little busy with assessment since I'm always such a procrastinator who leaves everything to the last minute. But I am currently assessment free I figured that I better squeeze this chapter in now rather than keep you guys waiting any longer.
In the aftermath of Draco's confession to her, Hermione found herself thinking about that more than the torture that she had suffered at the hands of Bellatrix. It was impossible for her not to think about the fact that Draco Malfoy of all people basically admitted that he had feelings for her that were beyond prejudiced. Hermione could only wish that she was able to understand how he felt this way about her, since it was not even a year ago that he was still calling her a mudblood.
But a lot has certainly changed in a year. A lot had changed in the past few months alone. Hermione never would've expected that she would one day be having civil conversations with Draco, but now she wasn't exactly sure where things would go between them. For the first time since her communication with Draco began, Hermione was at a loss as to what she was supposed to do now. It didn't help that they were basically on other sides of the world, unable to be together.
Then there was the issue of them being in the middle of a war, with them both being on different sides. Of course Hermione knew that Draco didn't really want to fight for Voldemort, but he basically had no choice about what he could do. It was sad, really. Hermione just had to know what he could be thinking. It was impossible for her to take his words at face value since he hadn't even said it to her face to face. Hermione just wished that she could hear him say those words to her with his voice, not reading them through a piece of paper.
In the weeks after their arrival at Shell's Cottage, they had come up with another plan in order to acquire what they believed was a Horcrux in Bellatrix's vault at Gringotts. Hermione knew that everyone was worried about her, since she would always spend so much time away from the group and keep to herself. They probably assumed that she was struggling to cope with her torture, which was true, but Hermione was also contemplating her future with Draco. It wasn't until Harry approached her on the beach when she remembered that he knew about them, so she may as well talk to someone while she could.
"Are you alright, Hermione?" Harry asked as he sat by her.
"I'm okay," she smiled weakly.
"You've been a bit… isolated recently. We're worried about you," Harry said.
"I know," Hermione sighed. "Harry, did you ever doubt Ginny's feelings for you?"
Harry narrowed his eyes, "What does Ginny have to do with this?"
"Just answer the question," Hermione snapped.
"Well, of course I did," Harry shrugged. "There was always a part of me that kind of wondered if what she felt for me was real or if she only felt that way about me because of her idolisation or because it was expected of her to fancy me. But Ginny just… gets me. She gets me in a way that you and Ron don't. I had made her wait all those years while I was having yearly battles with You-Know-Who and it wasn't even like she just fell into my arms when I showed any signs of reciprocating her feelings."
"Do you think you'll be okay after the war?" Hermione wondered.
"To tell you the truth, I don't know. There's still the question if I'll even live to survive the war. There's a lot of uncertainty about everything, so you can't really prepare for any of that," Harry replied.
"I suppose you have a point," Hermione murmured.
"What's this about, anyways?" Harry asked.
"It's about… Malfoy," Hermione admitted.
Harry cringed, "Oh, right. I was doing a good job of not thinking about that until you reminded me of it."
"It's just, he told me he cares about me, like how you care about Ginny, after the events at the Manor," Hermione said.
"How can he say that when he didn't even try to do anything to help you?" Harry argued.
"Harry, you know just as well as I do that if he had done anything out of line that he would've been killed. He has no choice but to do what is expected of him. There was a point where I thought he was going to help me, but I just had to make sure he didn't. It would've ended worse if he had done anything to help," Hermione reasoned.
"I guess you have a point. I just don't understand how you can feel anything for him when he's been nothing but a git to us for the past six years," Harry said.
"It's just hard to explain, really. When we first started writing together, I knew that I felt something towards whoever I was writing to. But then I discovered it was him, and I really tried to separate the two, but it was impossible to do that when Draco was who I had been writing to," Hermione admitted.
"Yeah, that is a bit complicated," Harry agreed. "So, you feel things for him and he feels that for you. What's the problem?"
"You did not just ask that," Hermione deadpanned.
"Well, you both care for each other in a way that I can't even begin to understand. How is that a problem?" Harry elaborated.
Hermione sighed, "Well, it's like you and Ginny. I can't help but wonder if what he feels for me is real or if I'm just a distraction. It's not like we've even had a face to face conversation about this. The only time we talked about it was when I made my feelings clear while he was firmly stating that he felt nothing for me."
"Maybe being couped up in that house of his has made him go insane," Harry remarked.
"That's what I'm worrying about," Hermione muttered.
"Look, Hermione. I might not understand whatever it is you have with Malfoy, but I guess you just have to believe that he really does care for you, even though I don't want him to," Harry said.
"I guess that's all I really can do," Hermione agreed. "Since when did you become so insightful?"
"Maybe spending all of that time with Dumbledore rubbed some insight on me," Harry remarked.
Hermione laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. She had missed moments like these. Moments that weren't filled with tension and the looming doom over their heads. It was nice to know that they could still act like normal friends rather than teenagers who were fighting in a war.
"You'll figure it out, Hermione. You always do," Harry said.
With that in mind, Hermione headed back to the cottage with Harry where she sat by her message box and waited for it to give her a sign. That was how Hermione spent most of her time, waiting for something from Draco. She had only spoken to him two times since his confession, and both times had been brief interactions which concerned Hermione. But then the box activated, and Hermione eagerly opened it to read his latest message.
Granger, I should probably apologise for not being active in the past few weeks. The Dark Lord was furious that we had allowed Potter to escape and we're practically on house arrest. Bellatrix has turned her cruelty to me, since I was the one who failed to identify Potter. Mother is furious at her, and father is just doing whatever he can to get by. It's a mess, really. I can barely stand to be in my own home anymore. I haven't had much time to write, and I barely have time to write now.
I'm sorry that you feel that way about your home. We have also been hiding out, and I have been taking my time to recover from Bellatrix's torture. I knew she was cruel, but I didn't realise just a how cruel she truly was until she was carving her dagger into my arm despite the fact that I hadn't done anything wrong. I hope she isn't giving you the same treatment.
Bellatrix knows better than to lay a hand on me like that with mother around. But that doesn't stop her from hitting and belittling me when mother is not around. We're all basically prisoners now, and I'm sure Aunt Bella is having Azkaban flashbacks. I never thought I'd say this, but I'd rather be in Azkaban than at the Manor.
You mustn't feel that way. It is important to keep hope, and believe that all will be as it should be when the war is over.
That's if Potter even wins the bloody war.
He will. We're getting closer to defeating You-Know-Who. We've come up with another plan to make that achievable.
Would I even want to know what this plan is?
You would probably think that it's a suicidal mission, which it very well could be, but it is something that we must do. You'll probably here about it when it happens, so I see no point in telling you now.
You certainly are a glutton for trouble, aren't you, Granger? Your acts of idiocy give me more grey hairs than the Dark Lord does.
Because you care about me.
Yes, because I care about you.
How though?
What do you mean?
How can you suddenly care about me after insisting for the longest time that you felt nothing for me?
Things changed. I suppose I was subconsciously in denial and did not want to face the ramifications of feeling something towards someone like you.
Someone like me?
You know what I mean, Granger. Don't make me say it.
Of course she knew what he meant. Draco's prejudice towards her identity was probably his biggest obstacle to overcome. It couldn't have been easy for Draco to accept what he felt towards Hermione as a muggleborn. She only wished that she could understand what he had to be thinking.
I'm sorry Draco, but I just struggle to comprehend how you can go from wanting nothing to do with me to feeling that way.
I suppose I understand. You know, when I came back to Hogwarts, I was alone. I thought that after what happened, I would have more popularity than ever. But it just wasn't the same. My family is hardly respected in pureblood circles anymore, and they're not respected anywhere for that matter. Then I came home and I was even more alone. It just made me want you, because I knew that no matter how much of a prick I was, you'd just listen and be there for me in a way that nobody else could. What I can't even begin to understand is how you could offer your support to me after what I had done.
Then I guess we both have a lot to talk through once we see each other again.
If we see each other again. First you have to survive your stupid suicidal mission and then we both have to survive the war. I'd like to have a chance at something good for once.
And you will.
I'm sorry, but I must go now. It sounds like Bellatrix is approaching, and I can't risk her catching me like this. Do not send me anything else, I will instigate our next moment of communication.
With a sigh, Hermione rolled up the piece of paper and put it with the rest of their messages. Hermione had started filing their messages, even going as far back to the messages from the books that had been spat out from them. Sometimes she found herself re-reading their old messages as a form of comfort. They helped, and Hermione just had to hope for that time when they would finally be able to be together face to face rather than through messages.
~*•°•*~
As with everything that they had planned, it started off well before it all hit the fan. Riding the dragon had probably been the most exhilarating moment of Hermione's life, but she knew there was more to come. Especially now that they were back in Hogwarts. She was currently waiting in the Room of Requirement for the rest of the Order to arrive when she felt her box activate. Only when Hermione was sure that she didn't have anyone glancing over her shoulder did she open it.
Granger, when you said that you were doing something dangerous and stupid I didn't think that you meant breaking into Gringotts and showing up at Hogsmeade. And to think everyone said you were smart. I'm sure you know by now that Snape knows that you're in Hogwarts and you can assume that means the Dark Lord knows too. He's coming. He's already on the move and calling his followers to head to Hogwarts. Fuck, this is it, Granger. I know it. This is what the war comes down to.
I knew that you would find it stupid, but it is unfortunately what we had to do, just like returning to Hogwarts was a necessity. We're rounding up as many supporters as we can since we have plans to get Hogwarts back under our control. I had hoped that we would be able to avoid some sort of confrontation, but I suppose this was inevitable.
I don't think I'm ready for this, Granger. I can't fight. I'm too much of a fucking coward to fight. I'm being forced to go but all I want to do is stay at the Manor and act like my parents aren't just about to go to battle with a madman.
Just try your best to stay clear of anyone who might actually hurt you. You know when we came back Ginny told me how you had been helping them. She appreciated it. I think she may have passed on the message that you're not what they think you are.
I guess I should take any support that I can get since at this rate, I'm going to be herded off to Azkaban if things don't work out for the Dark Lord. I just want this all to be over.
And it will be. Harry will win, and we'll be okay. Then I'll try to do everything I can to help you like I have done so far.
Speaking of which, I really should be thanking you, Granger. Before you came along, I was resorting to Moaning bloody Myrtle for comfort and she's hardly any comfort. If anything, that annoying ghost just makes things worse with all her talk about death. So really, I should be thanking you for what you have done for me. I never would've expected it from you, of all people, but I am grateful for it, nonetheless.
Just like I am grateful that you actually chose to let me in. When this is all over, we'll be able to be together properly. We won't have to rely on sharing messages in secret to communicate. We'll be normal.
Don't go giving me false hope now, Granger. If you go and get yourself killed I'll be bloody pissed.
I won't. I promise. Now I need you to make the same promise as well.
I'll try, and that's as good as I can do.
I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I promise that I'll try to look out for you in the battle, but please do try and stay away from it. I probably won't be able to avoid getting caught in the crossfire, but that doesn't mean you can't try not to get caught.
Like I said, I'll do my best. That's all you can expect from me.
And it was. They were on the cusp of the final battle in the Wizarding War that would be dictating the rest of their lives. It was pretty frightening when Hermione thought about it that way. She may be a Gryffindor but damnit, Hermione had a right to be scared. She could see that everyone else was scared. But they had to put that fear away and face it head on because whether they were prepared or not, they had a war to win.
So here we are. Next chapter Draco and Hermione will get their long awaited reunion so you can expect a heavy lets talk about our feelings chapter. I'll try and get it out within the next few weeks instead of leaving you guys hanging like I did after the last chapter, but I won't make any promises.
