Chapter 3: Cassie

It had been one of the worst days of my life. But Carlisle Cullen had been my angel. I almost thought he was I had been so disorientated. I had thought heaven had accepted me and this blond angel would free me from pain. He had kept me sane when I was at my most broken. His voice was quiet, calming and soothing. My cuts had all been stitched up and I supposed I was lucky in a way because I was not damaged internally. Thank god I was already taking birth control. I had given a statement to the kind Chief Swan; he was patient and his eyes crinkled when he smiled. He reminded me of my late father and gave me hope that the monster who did this to me would be caught. Much to my surprise, not even two days later, I was informed that they found the man unconscious outside the police station and that he had confessed to multiple accounts of rape and grievous bodily harm. I was sure some higher power was in play because the evil man went straight to a lifetime in jail without a court case. Someone was watching out for me. My thoughts flickered back again to doctor Cullen.

I had been scared of him initially, once my mind had caught up that I was still alive and not in heaven. Now it just seems silly. He was nothing but gentle with me and kind. I could remember his strange golden eyes that seemed to turn to onyx. It scared me, but I don't think I was scared of him. I remember the relief when his coat covered my pitiful body, the weight of it bringing me comfort. His smell clung to the coat, and it brought me ease and calm, his scent was intoxicating and made me feel safe. Carlisle had talked to me, and I was eternally grateful that he continued his chatter about books. It took my mind away, I could focus on just his voice- the soothing, perfect tones lulling me. Since that day I had his coat dry cleaned, I hoped to return it and didn't want it dirty, still covered with my blood. I hated knowing that a stranger had seen me so vulnerable, but I was glad it was Carlisle. I had heard of the Cullens before, about their beauty, about how they were outsiders and kept to themselves. I'd heard snarky remarks from teenagers and dreamy murmurs of infatuated thirty-year-old women. But I respected Carlisle greatly for what he had done for me.

It had been three days since the incident- as I now called it. My nightmares had been plagued by it. My mind slowly becoming more and more anxious and depressed. It had ruined me. I always looked behind me when I walked alone, and the dark made my heart race. But I returned to work. I had to keep moving. I had to do something to keep me away from my mind and the constant thoughts about it all. I knew I should have taken a break, but I couldn't bear to be alone at home with my thoughts. I found comfort in the books that surrounded me. The shop was very calming, with its soft lighting and wood panels, and big comfy sofas and chairs scattered around. People could curl up with a book, like a library, or buy the books we sold. I loved the shop. It was soothing, not stressful and I met some great people.

I often made up gift boxes or mystery boxes when we were quiet. It kept my hands busy and helped to sell some books that had been sitting on the shelves for a while. People loved the boxes; they liked the surprise of finding a good book that they normally wouldn't have chosen. They loved the little touches I added in the gift boxes such as chocolates or petals, soaps and candles to accompany the books. I took great joy in this simple but fulfilling work.

It was getting to closing time when the little brass bell on the door rang brightly, signaling a customer entering. The sun had set half an hour ago, and I was dreading the walk back home. The thought spread anxiety through my veins, and I swallowed against the nausea. I heard footsteps on the wooden floor, light and assured. I looked over and was startled to see Carlisle Cullen walking towards me. He was smiling at me.

"Carlisle," I breathed his name, surprised to see him. He looked even more handsome with the gentle yellow lights of the shop illuminating his form. His honey gold hair was brushed back perfectly and looked so soft. His eyes had changed back from the dark onyx to the light topaz, and I found myself appreciating the beauty of his unusual eyes. The Cullens never came into town much and had never come into the bookstore, so I had never expected for Carlisle Cullen to come in.

"Hello Cassie." He stopped behind the counter where I was standing to talk to me. He was dressed in a light blue shirt and black trousers, he looked like he was coming from the hospital.

"Um, I never really got the chance to say thank you…" I started, feeling awkward and uncomfortable with the memory but wanting to show him how much I appreciated what he did for me. But he stopped me from continuing.

"Please don't thank me." His face was serious, worried for me, but he smiled. "I'm just glad I could have been of some assistance."

"Oh, are you here for your coat?" I suddenly remembered. He looked surprised, as though he hadn't thought about his coat. "I got it cleaned, but it's back at my house. I didn't expect to see you here."

"Oh, you didn't have to get it cleaned." He said softly, "But thank you, I can always come back tomorrow or whenever is best for you to pick it up?"

"Tomorrow is fine." I smiled. "What brings you here anyway? Not that I'm not pleased to see you again." He smiled at this and appeared to swallow, the colour of his eyes seemed to flicker dark for the briefest of moments before returning to the gold.

"I just finished my shift at the hospital and wanted to see how you were doing." He seemed a little embarrassed at the thought of checking in on me. "I didn't actually expect to see you back at work so quickly." He admitted.

"Oh, well." I pushed a stray strand of hair away from my face and averted my gaze, not wanting to look at him. "I couldn't bear to stay at home on my own. I thought that keeping myself busy would help."

"I understand." His voice was soft, reassuring. But he frowned, looking outside at the darkness that was barely lifted by the few streetlights. "Are you going to be okay getting home?" He was concerned. I couldn't answer him. In truth, I hadn't really thought this through. I supposed I'd have to get over my fear of the darkness sooner rather than later, but the pitch black and the danger it could hold didn't particularly appeal to me. Carlisle studied my face as I struggled to form an answer.

"I'm sure I will be okay." I eventually said. "I can't hide all my life. My flat is only about a twenty-minute walk away." I wanted to sound brave, but the nerves that wracked my voice made me cringe. Carlisle looked at me with his gentle eyes and a small smile. I could tell he didn't believe my attempted boldness.

"Have you eaten much today?" He asked instead, sounding like a true doctor. I laughed at the sudden change in subject.

"Ever the doctor." I smirked at him; he had a strange way of being able to put me at ease quickly. He chuckled, the sound was lovely, and I decided it was something I wanted to hear more of. "I tried to have some lunch earlier, but my stomach hasn't been… the best the past couple of days." I admitted.

"Of course," he seemed so understanding. "Well, how about I take you to dinner and then I can walk you home?" I was shocked, I had never expected him to suggest that. I was wondering what the meaning was behind it. Was he just being kind? Was it him being a doctor? Did he like me? I did want the last one to be true, but I doubted it very much. He was like a god and I was far too ordinary.

"I think I should be the one buying you dinner." I frowned at him. This threw him a little, and I could see he was thinking quickly.

"I ate earlier." He said. "I'm not hungry." He smiled instead, his voice gentle and firm. "So, I'll buy dinner for you." Something told me this was a lie. There was something more than a little strange about the Cullens. I'd heard it from the gossip around town. Normally I ignore the gossip, but after interacting with Carlisle, I was starting to think that something was up.

"If you insist." I sighed dramatically with a smile. Acting normal on the outside helped me to think less about the dark thoughts that now constantly swam through my head. He laughed at me. "Just let me close up the shop for the night and I'll be ready."

Carlisle waited patiently as I cashed up, turned off the lights and locked up the book shop. My heart was racing. I knew that many people had flirted with the doctor to no avail and here he was, insisting he gets me dinner and walks me home.

"There's an Italian restaurant a few minutes' walk away if that's okay?" He suggested as we exited the shop.

"Sounds lovely." I nodded. "I haven't had the chance to try many restaurants around here."

"Well I would take you somewhere a little fancier, but I left my car at the hospital to come here."

"I'm sure it will be nice." I reassured him.

The restaurant was small and cozy. It was decorated with deep reds and we were sat in a booth near the back. Several other customers were also dining here, and the food looked good. A single candle was placed on our table, its soft light bathing the booth. People looked at us as we followed the waiter to the booth, clearly surprised at seeing doctor Cullen out in a restaurant with someone. The waiter gave us both menus and took our drinks order- tap water for both of us- before leaving us alone.

"Thanks Carlisle, you didn't have to do this you know." I said. "Not that I don't appreciate it."

"It's my pleasure." He smiled, not even looking at the menu as he folded his hands on the table.

"The food looks really good." I murmured, browsing the menu. The waiter returned with our waters. "I'll have the carbonara please."

"Anything for you sir?" The waiter asked Carlisle.

"No, thank you." The waiter nodded and left.

"Is it not strange going to a restaurant and not eating?" I asked him with humour. His eyes sparkled, but he ignored my question.

"I hear a British accent in your voice." He stated instead. "When did you move here?"

"Ah the accent never leaves." I said. "I've lived here now for… I think two years."

"Not that long then." He was surprised.

"I moved here when I was twenty-one after finishing university. I wanted a fresh start."

"A fresh start?" He repeated back, questioning.

"Err," I struggled to find the words. "I needed to move away, far away from where my parents had been." I saw the questions in his eyes and decided to elaborate. "My mother died from a sudden heart attack, and my dad couldn't cope after that, so he ended his own life."

"I'm so sorry Cassie, I didn't mean to pry." He reached across the table and took my hands in his. His hands were icy cold- far worse than normal doctors' hands. He looked suddenly worried and unsure at his actions, but before he could retract them, I held his hands in my own. They may be cold, and smooth as marble- I could feel no callouses- but they were also soft at the same time and comforting. Damn, how long had it been since someone touched me so casually?

"It's fine." I reassured him. "I miss London a lot, but I'm settling in here I suppose." Although I hadn't made any friends other than my customers, I thought to myself.

"I was born in London as well." Carlisle said carefully, as though he was having to think through and filter his every word. "I've mostly lost my accent though."

"Hmm, no I can still hear bits of the accent in certain words you say." I disagreed. "It's quite nice to hear the accent again actually."

"I do miss London too." He said. "It has been a while since I last visited."

"Well, if you make a habit of either saving me or turning up at my shop we could go together one day." I laughed.

"I'll be sure to make it a habit then." He joked back. "So, I told you of all the books I like, why don't you tell me what ones you like?"

"Hmm." I thought for a moment and took a sip of my water. "It may sound silly, but I have a great love for the Harry Potter books. While aimed for younger audiences, I find that I love it more with each read through. It is enrapturing, inventive, fun and also dark at times. My mum read it to me when I was younger, and I suppose it stuck with me. It has a nice message."

"Now I'm going to admit I've never actually read those books." Carlisle said.

"How dare you!" I laughed.

"I haven't read much other than medical journals recently." He seemed sheepish at this admission. "I'm sure one of my children must have read them though."

"Well, tell you what, because you're missing out on a magnificent story- and a huge part of our British culture- next time you come to the bookstore I'm giving you the first few books to read."

"Deal." He agreed, grinning. His smile lit up his face. Youth laced his features, and I didn't believe for one moment he was as old as he claimed to be. He didn't look much older than me, but it was impossible that he was a well-respected and sought-after doctor at my age.

"Your food madam." The waiter came along and presented my pasta.

"Thank you." I smiled. "This looks amazing." I took hold of my cutlery and looked at Carlisle. "Judging by the looks we're getting tonight; I assume you don't give in to the nurses at work often. There are rumours you always turn down their offers of dinner." I smirked at him. He rolled his eyes at me and did his best to ignore the other people who kept glancing over at us.

"I had a feeling there were rumours, but I'm concerned at the sheer amount of gossip my colleagues seem to do about me." The look he gave me was long suffering and I tried not to giggle at his expense, so I took the first bite of my food. I couldn't help the moan that slipped through. My face flushed with embarrassment.

"Sorry." I mumbled, "This is just really good." He chuckled.

"You assume correctly though." Carlisle said. "I try to let the nurses and doctors down gently, but after I get made ten cups of tea in an hour by several different nurses I get a little frustrated." I laughed.

"Hopefully they'll give up their efforts soon." I said, trying to console him.

"I hope so too." He grinned. "As much as I respect them and like them as colleagues, it would make it far easier for everyone involved if we could remain just colleagues."

"Tell me more about yourself then." I encouraged while I ate. He seemed surprised at this, and I wondered how many people actually tried to get to know him rather than get in his pants.

"Oh," he took a moment to think. "I love my job, and I am very good at what I do; it brings me happiness to help people." I smiled at this; his compassion seemed unrivalled. "I love my children, although they're pretty much adults anyway. We are very close as a family and often hike together and play games."

"You seem far too young to be a dad." I said, twirling spaghetti onto my fork.

"I'm in my thirties." He said with his eyebrows raised. I looked at him and raised my own eyebrows. I definitely didn't believe him.

"I know that's a lie." I said, smiling. He opened his mouth to protest. "No, don't argue. You're far too youthful to be over thirty." He looked troubled, so I quickly continued. "But don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"Is it?" He queried, clearly trying to joke but still seeming worried. Despite my teasing, I began to wonder if he did actually lie about his age. It could be good genetics, luck of the draw… or something else. His reaction, though it could be innocent, set off warning signals in my head. My mum always said I was scarily observant, and my uncanny observations about others helped me with my psychology degree. I could read people. And I was sure Carlisle had a secret.

"Of course." I nodded solemnly. "I've had some counselling training, so I'm used to confidentiality. Everything we say is entirely confidential." I took a bite of my pasta and smiled at him, trying to lighten the mood. He smiled as well and relaxed just a little bit. "Besides I think I owe you a lot."

"You owe me nothing." His voice was jokingly stern.

"How are your kids liking Forks anyway? I don't see them around and I know you haven't been here that long." I changed the subject.

"They love it here." He seemed happy with this. "Like I said, we hike a lot, so the mountains and forests are ideal for us."

"Must be nice to have such a big family that's really close knit."

"It is." He agreed. "I was alone for a little while, so it's nice to have both the company and the sense of family." He suddenly looked guilty. "Do you have any extended family?" His voice was soft, being careful not to pry.

"Not really," I shook my head and smiled, letting him know it was okay to ask me such questions. "I think I have distant relatives, but no-one I ever met or was close to." I shrugged. "I've never been a part of a really big family."

"Must be lonely."

"It is." I sighed. "Especially now I'm on my own here. I left a few friends behind, but I think we've grown out of touch as you do." Carlisle's eyes were swimming with emotion, the beautiful gold tinted with sadness.

"Any partners? Boyfriend, girlfriend?" He pressed- clearly not liking the thought of me being so alone. But this was the question I really didn't want.

"I had a couple of very short relationships at uni, but nothing serious." I mumbled. The horrible thoughts of the previous night came rushing back.

"I'm sorry Cassie, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's fine." I rubbed my eyes. "If you'd have asked me a week ago, I wouldn't be so upset about it." He frowned, not following me. When I looked up at him, with what I assumed were red rimmed eyes, it finally dawned on him. An array of emotions crossed his face: shock, horror, despair, sadness, devastation. I felt instant regret at revealing this to someone I barely knew.

"I'm sorry Carlisle, I shouldn't have…"

"Don't ever apologise for that." His voice was a little shaky, not much more than a whisper.

"It wasn't how I imagined my first time." I tried to joke, but the dark thoughts had returned, fogging my mind. Carlisle tried to smile, but it was weak.

"How are you holding up? If you want to talk about it that is."

"Not great, but who would be?" I took another bite of the delicious meal, trying to push the blackness from my mind. "Being at work helped I think. But I'm scared of the dark." My voice dropped to a whisper. "I keep looking behind me, down alleyways. I feel on edge all the time. It's like there's this cloud of anxiety constantly on the edge of my mind threatening to roll in. I keep remembering it all, and it makes me feel sick. And now I just feel even more sad." I sighed. "Sorry, I don't mean to be so heavy and depressed."

"You can't help how you feel." He dismissed my apology. "I can always suggest talking to people. Talking normally helps, be it to a friend or a professional. And…" He paused. "If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always here."

"That means a lot to me Carlisle, you keep doing so much for me and I don't know how to pay you back."

"You don't need to pay me back."

We spent the rest of the evening moving onto lighter topics. I told him about my life at university, about the course I took and my experiences. I told him about my hobbies, my interests, my likes and dislikes. He told me about his hobbies, his life as a doctor and his family. It was wonderful. I hadn't had the chance to talk to someone like this, to connect with someone in so long. He paid the bill at the end of the meal, refusing to even let me offer to pay. It was late outside. The moon bathed the streets in its milky glow, while a few lone stars twinkled softly as they watched us. We walked together side by side; he was insistent on taking me home, so I didn't have to be alone at night. I'd never encountered such chivalry before- I'd thought this was more of an old-fashioned aspect. But I loved it. Carlisle seemed pretty old fashioned anyway, so I was more than grateful that he was happy to escort me home.

The shadows morphed into sinister beings at nights. Pitch black in the inky darkness, stalking me. As we walked to my flat, I felt my heartbeat race as we neared alleyways and saw other men out roaming the street. I felt my breathing hitch as we got closer to where the incident happened. Carlisle slowed down.

"Deep breaths in and out." He murmured, as though he could hear the hammering of my heart. I tried to follow his advice. Carlisle held out his arm and after a moment's hesitation, I laced my own arm through it. I relished in the comfort it brought me. He may have been cold, but it made me feel warm and safe. As we passed the alleyway, he pulled me slightly closer, putting his hand over mine.

"You know," he said, trying to distract me, "Most people flinch away from my hands."

"Aren't all doctors hands cold?" I mumbled through the anxiety. He chuckled. "But yours are the coldest I've felt." I felt sad for him that people flinched from his touch. "Must suck that people flinch from you because of your body temperature."

"I'm used to it." His voice was nonchalant, but I could tell he was pleased I didn't flinch.

"I live here," I gestured to the maisonette. I lived on the bottom floor. "Would you like to come inside? I won't offer you a refreshment because you didn't even drink your water at the restaurant."

"You're very observant." He looked concerned.

"I am." I unlocked the door and gestured inside. "It's not much, but I'm proud to have my own place."

"So you should be, this is lovely." He complimented as I turned on the lights.

"Would you actually like anything to drink? I feel bad now, I don't want to seem rude."

"No thank you." He smirked at my awkwardness. I was more than a little suspicious about his lack of thirst or appetite.

"Oh, I can give you your coat back! The living room is just through there." I bolted to my bedroom where it lay on my bed and brought it back to Carlisle. He had made himself at home on the plush brown sofa in my living room. "Here." I placed it on the arm of the sofa.

"Thank you," he smiled at me. He looked a little concerned still but tried to mask it. If I wasn't so good at reading people, I would have missed the many emotions he seemed to constantly feel.

"You know, you don't have to be worried." My voice was gentle as I sat on the other end of the sofa, kicking off my shoes. He looked at me, his golden eyes calculating, trying to figure me out. I paused, watching him. He was very still, breathing only slightly, and he was beautiful. I was enraptured by him, by the mystery surrounding him. "Carlisle, whatever it is you're hiding, you don't have to be afraid. You don't have to tell me, but you don't have to pretend around me either, I'm not a threat to you."

"I know Cassie." His voice was soft, and he shifted. "I'm sorry for how on guard I am, I don't usually do this." He seemed a little uncomfortable.

"You don't have to if you don't want to Carlisle." I frowned. "You don't have to check up on me. You have no obligation to me. I'm eternally grateful for all you've done, but pleased don't think you need to check on me." I paused, taking a breath. "I know you and your family don't really socialize. You don't hang around town much, you stick together. I understand Carlisle."

"I know I have no obligation." He seemed surprised at this. "I wanted to see if you were okay and… I ended up really enjoying our evening."

"And I really enjoyed it too, but you don't have to see me again if you don't want to." I said. "We get on well, but its okay if you need to stick within your family. If there's a reason you don't usually do this, then I won't be offended if I'm not an exception." I smiled, trying to be humorous.

"No," he shook his head, seeming to be in an internal debate with himself. "I think I'd like to meet up again. After all, you did promise me a trip to London." I laughed at this. "I should, however, be getting back home."

"Oh of course." I walked him to my door. "Carlisle, thanks again for… well everything. Saving me, dinner, walking me home…"

"My pleasure." Carlisle murmured. I stepped forward to hug him. He froze before wrapping his arms around me gently. I wondered how often he was hugged. We parted and he smiled at me one last time before departing into the night.