School: Hogwarts
Year: Exchange 2
Wordcount: 247
Technique: Conciseness and Commas
Summary: Where Narcissa wants the best for her friend, and tricks Severus into a blind, double date.
"This is a very clever infusion of potion into the soup, and it's delicious. Tastes like spring onion soup to me. What about you, Severus?" Narcissa asked the man sitting across from her.
Severus merely grunted, glaring down into his bowl. Narcissa pursed her lips, darting a look at Lucius, who seemed unbothered by the awkwardness at the table. He gave her a sympathetic pat on the knee, but clearly wanted no part in her plans.
After an uncomfortable silence, Emily chimed in. "Mine tastes like butternut squash! Potions in itself, is a tricky branch of study. Incorporating it with culinary arts is brilliant."
Narcissa smiled at her. She liked Emily, an old friend of hers, and almost felt bad for inviting her to dinner when Severus was acting so sullen. But the man had to settle down some day and she knew if left to him, he would die a recluse.
"I keep telling Severus that he could be a brilliant cook if he tried," Narcissa said once the waiter had cleared away the plates.
"I suppose living at Hogwarts must not give much opportunity for experimenting with food." Emily smiled and looked at Severus, only to find him staring blankly at the wall behind Lucius.
Narcissa took a deep breath to keep herself from reaching across the table and smacking the man. She had more than enough patience to tolerate Severus' insolence. She would drag him to another fifty dates if she would have to.
Comma around coordinating conjunction: This is a very clever infusion of potion into the soup, and it's delicious
Starting a sentence with a properly punctuated dependent clause: After an uncomfortable silence, Emily chimed in.
Punctuated appositive: She liked Emily, an old friend of hers, and almost felt bad for inviting her for dinner when Severus was acting so sullen.
