From Jackson Wells

To Cameron Walden

Dear Miss Walden,

I'm afraid, even after my graduation I'm still in need of your counseling abilities, especially since during the night of yesterday, I've been a witness of something unknown having infested my own soul. Hear me out, Miss Walden, I'm not saying that this infection may be bad or even harmful, but more likely a defense mechanism of my own spirit, trying to eliminate my individual insecurity, which has nested beyond every form of reason in my soul. Please let me make it clear that I'm not in possession of nearly enough information about this phenomenon, to explain it by myself. However, my personal appraisal would blame the incidents of the former night for this change of mind, but unfortunately, those were in its number too many, that I could blame any specific occurrence. Perhaps, it even was the totality of this certain night which triggered this blessing. Moreover, it hasn't happened a single incident, during this night, which could be regarded as unlucky or even cursed, however, as soon as I left this place and arrived at home this specific curse was somehow released again and I went back into my known misery. That's why I obviously want this change to be maintained and why I need to investigate the cause of what has happened yesterday, but unfortunately, I'm way too far away of having any solid information about this. Nevertheless, I still want you to have a short summary of what actually happened. In brief, I have met an acquaintance in the middle of the night, when I have had my usual attacks of depression, you may know him as Ruben but he wants to be called Rusty. To my bad luck, these attacks had been worse than the typical ones, it even had me stuck on the airport for 4 hours, please don't ask why I had been there, it would be too much pain to tell it. Despite my obvious terrible condition, I got involved into a quite interesting discussion with this certain fellow, in which quite much happened what I don't want to write in this e-mail, but I wish we could talk about these topics from face to face. I urgently hope that you'll fulfill my request and that I could come again for another session.

Yours faithfully,

Jackson Wells.


From Cameron Walden

To Jackson Wells

Dear Jackson Wells,

you're always welcome in my counseling room. But after having read your mail, I fear that I may don't have enough psychological knowledge to identify this phenomenon. We once discussed a possible Oedipus-complex anchored in your psyche, do you think what happened may have challenged this? But you're right, we shouldn't discuss this in an e-mail. How does tomorrow at 2 pm sound?

Sincerely,

Cameron Walden.


From Jackson Wells

To Cameron Walden

Dear Miss Walden,

thank you so much for your reply. This time sounds great, I'll be there at 2 pm tomorrow.

Yours faithfully,

Jackson Wells.


From Rusty

To Cameron Walden

Dear Miss Walden,

I know our last meeting was quite a long time ago and I more or less was forced to sit into your bean bags, due to a violent argument with another student in which I was the aggressor and I understand now that my behavior was quite improper, but I would like to ask for another session, especially since I have discovered something quite interesting about myself, with which I think I may need help from a professional. You see when I graduated I wanted to find out more about life and so I started to get into the theory. The problem, however, was that I only learned the theory, which still couldn't help me to find out about what I was searching for, until yesterday when I finally touched some practical experience, which I, as stupid as I was, rejected. To be honest, and I know that you as a person of authority are going to have to condemn this, but I actually tried Marihuana for the first time yesterday, with the hope of actually getting this certain practical experience. It turned out, that I didn't get it until I received some company, with whom I smoked two Joints, which were added to the other one I smoked before his arrival. Don't think that all of this was planned, it was a surprise for me as well when I saw him, I even dropped the Joint itself. Unfortunately, at the moment he tried to kiss me, I stopped him. As I already told you the last time we met, I have had quite a crush on Autumn, who also was it, who gave me all his books, when he had to move back to the Black Forest in Germany. To make it short, when I was drunk, I said him everything and that I'd love him. He, however, reacted quite warm to my confession and also helped me with finding out really a lot about myself. Obviously, he couldn't return my love, but that's absolutely fine because he showed me that such things don't matter in life. Thus, he helped me find the task I had to accomplish and as I already mentioned earlier, it is living. As a result, he gave me reading matter I had to read through, which I also did, you would be surprised what someone can learn in only 3 months. All of this happened, until he wrote me again, that I should now, that I have read through all the necessary literature, also get into the practical part, which was on me to find out what this one would be. I don't want you to think that he taught me to do drugs, because he's a really decent and respectable person. This was completely my idea to try and it was simply a desperate attempt to fulfill my personal next step. Nevertheless, I may haven't reached it with this method yet, but I was able to see it. All in all, I have quite a lot on my head now and I would really be thankful if you could sacrifice your time for me.

I'm really looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Rusty


From Cameron Walden

To Rusty

Dear Rusty,

that really is an interesting story you just told me. Moreover, I know someone who has exactly the same problem and I would like to have a session with both of you because I believe your personal experiences could help you. Would 2 pm tomorrow be ok?

Sincerely,

Cameron Walden.


From Rusty

To Cameron Walden

Dear Miss Walden,

This time sounds great, thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Rusty.


From Rusty

To Autumn

Hey Autumn, it's me. I was thinking about talking to you again. I was thinking about a lot lately, to be honest. So how have you been? Ehm, I'm sorry, I just don't know how to write a letter and stuff. Well, I have received your last letter and I wanted to let you know that I actually tried it out, the practical part I mean. And, yeah, it was actually pretty cool, but I was too stupid and stopped it before I finally reached the step you were talking about. Man, this night was really cool, wish you would have been there to see me. You know this Jack boy? Turns out he's actually a fag as well. I mean it in a good way, he kissed me and I kind of liked it, you know we were talking about the books you all gave me and suddenly he just gave me kiss on my mouth. It wasn't even short, it was really long, I mean at least 12 seconds and our tongues touched. I didn't want to say it to him, because he probably would have felt even more embarrassed and I'm sure he didn't notice, but his little friend was poking me when we, you know, kissed. Like, I really still blame myself for interrupting all of this, of leaving the room soon after and starting to get back into the theory, even though crime and punishment doesn't really show how to live, but still, I shouldn't have grabbed this book, I should have continued. However, I'm talking to Miss Walden tomorrow, like you said, a professional may help me to identify what I need to do. Furthermore, I'd like to apologize again, for giving you such a hard time in the last years and I also wanted to say that I miss you. I know, you already told me, that it's impossible for you to return what I feel and I really accept that, but I'm still dreaming of your arms, your smile and your voice telling me everything will be okay on that evening when I was drunk. You told me so much about souls finding their space and stuff, I actually told it Jack as well, when he was crying. It has been 3 months, I know, but your soothing voice still turns up in every dream I have, when I'm able to sleep, which isn't that much as I have already written you in my last letter. Oh, Autumn, I don't know what to do now, I actually tried drugs as Harry did in Steppenwolf, because I haven't seen any other solution. Even though you said it would be easy finding out the practical part and therefore it would be on me now, I still have no clue what to do, like at all. Please answer me soon, I need your advice, I need to know what to do because I need you. It hasn't been that hard to figure things out for a while now, because there really were moments, when I thought I would have understood it, like you know, when I read a really good sentence and I always sent that certain quote to you but you always said, it would be easy but not that easy and then I always used to continue reading and I always found another quote, which I sent to you as well. Now, I know, that I can't explain life with quotes and therefore it would probably be quite hard to explain it to me for you as well, but I'm really clueless what I should do now. I guess, I may just head to bed now, it's already pretty late. Hopefully, I'll get some sleep this time, I hope that I meet you again and that I rest my head on your lap again, while you are wandering with your hands through my fur. I hope I hear soon from you, until then, I guess I have no other choice than to try continuing to live.

Yours forever,

Ruben.