"And then we kissed…"
"How did you feel at that moment", Cameron was taking some notes, while Jack just continued laying back in the beanbags. "I dunno…, guess it was kinda nice. But…, I didn't really feel normal?", With that, Cameron looked up from her writing pad, "What do you mean with that?" Jack started laying his paws on his face, "Well, I was so … not me? I mean, somehow I had so much confidence at that moment, just like all the last days. Building up to that certain climax, Hehe." With that, he left Cameron confused, she was scratching her head while looking him directly into the eyes, "But that's what you wanted isn't it?" Immediately after this information reached his ears and was processed in his brain, the Jackal looked down releasing a simple "Aehm", with his right paw, formed to a fist, on his forehead. "Jack…", the counselor knew exactly that something wasn't right, he was definitely hiding something from her, "I can tell that something's wrong." Caring like a mother she looked over to her student who had now both of his paws directly in his face. "How?", he started whining, "Everything should be perfect now, how … how am I still sad." Tears started to go down his cheeks knowing exactly which way to go, it's like their way to work or school. First, they went down the valley, just to get up a tiny hill, while being protected by a big windy mountain being called the snout. From there they simply had to jump on the ground, that's their whole existence. The only way tears know. They wouldn't dare to take right or left on the crossroad, because they only go their familiar way. That what makes them so miserable.
"What else happened?", A concerned look was visible on her face. "We said our goodbyes and I took the bus home.", the Jackal monotonously answered while still sobbing. Her eyes didn't believe him, "Is that all?" His paw went on the beanbag helping him up again into a healthier position, "With Rusty? Yeah, but …", his head went to his knees, "Nevermind, it's nothing." With a stressed expression, Cameron interrupted the adolescent, "Jack spill the beans, what else happened." "Aehm, ok.", Visibly nervous, the Jackal looked her in the eyes again, "Well, … Zill wrote me, that he'll come back home and … Kayla broke … up with him." Not just the words hit Cameron there, but also realization. Now, she just wanted to try something out, "Could you tell me about Zill, what do you like about him?" Pushed out of his comfort zone, the Jackal was sweating, not knowing what Cameron was planning there, "I, aehm … well, he's really kind. When I found him we immediately became best friends. We spent every day together. When I was little I couldn't wait for the lesson to be over so I could spend time with him again. I am weak, but he always helped me when I was picked on. Every time I needed help he was there for me. I could always count on him. I dunno how to really answer this question." With a friendly grin Cameron was watching his body language carefully while talking, something the Jackal didn't even focus on. "Jack, did you call him back after he wrote you?", after having received a nod by her counterpart she continued, "So would you please tell me about it?" As a result, the teenage boy looked up again, "He was … miserable. I … I never saw him like that. We talked like 3 hours before I went to bed. He felt so different. I just want him to be happy." Having delivered quite a structure for Jack to go up his mental steps Cameron knew to finally carry out the idea she got earlier.
"Please tell me now about Jill."
While the earlier question just pushed him out of his comfort zone, this question may have unplugged his brain for a second. His eyes went up. His hands started shaking. His head was empty. However, there was no space for him to think of an answer. No space for any thought. The jackal simply sat there while representing an empty shell. His reason went in winter torpor. Like a computer being frozen for several years and now finally, someone tried to restart him. Being focused now on Cameron, his eyes gave her now the signal, she would be able to continue her session. "She doesn't exist, now does she?"
"I don't even know anymore.", Jack looked down again.
A certain yellowish fellow was walking down a hallway until he arrived in a tiny room just to sit into a quite uncomfortable looking chair. Rubbing his eyes, the teenager just tried to relax. Nevertheless, he had a lot on his mind. Is it too impulsive? His hip slid on the chair and the adolescent laid back on it. Closing his eyes. Trying to free his mind from that fog that obstructs his sight. Trying to see clearly now. The thoughts about all that happened the last night made him chuckle, just like this was some kind of inevitable destiny of his. How did it even get that far? How could he hold this so long a secret and how wasn't he able to realize that? Questions completely out of his horizon, so the deer knew that he had to explore them.
It was late that evening. Notwithstanding the drinks I had, my mind was fairly clear. Having received the diploma, finally having achieved my inner-most wish of some kind of mental conclusion. Ever since I got the message some months ago, I felt displeasure. Being afraid of the unknown, but my decisions weren't uncertain. At least I thought so. Since the graduation party, this morning, something has changed about my feelings. Not comparable as a change within me, more some kind of new process as new information has entered my own horizon of reception. Information, if I would have had it a few months ago, may could have altered my decisions. To the better? Perhaps! Well, I guess I could continue philosophizing about the past, but that won't lead to anywhere. At least anywhere useful. Instead, my only cliff in this bay may be this new information and how and perhaps a possible solution of how I should handle it. Don't know even more if this should be enough to change my current course, but I guess the wind is now coming from a different direction and I should follow it. That would be my only chance of some real conclusion. Ughhh, when I got up yesterday I wouldn't have expected such a turnout. How is this even possible? And why did it have to happen at exactly that moment! For sure, he was real with what he said. Couldn't say that I didn't know something wasn't wrong when he started walking in my direction. How many drinks did he have that night? Doesn't matter his liver is used to it. Perhaps it was a mistake to not stop him when he started talking, he definitely will have a problem since this is out now. Having looked into my eyes the whole time, he was dead serious. Quite possible that he planned that for a while and just tried drinking up some confidence to say it to my face. Awww Ruben, I always knew you were just as soft on the inside as fluffy you are outside. Unfortunately, I don't even know anymore what exactly you said, though the meaning is clear to me. If you only told me sooner. Ughhh. At least I got you out of the hall fast enough so no one saw you throwing up afterward. The moment I went through your hair and we talked about everything that you kept a secret for so long, I really felt the need to tell you the stuff I've been hiding. It would have been irresponsible, but perhaps I'll still be able to tell it in the future. That depends though on where the wind may brings me. Seeing you so happy laying in my lap made me realize so much. I want that. I can't give it up. Damn it, you gave me just a small sip of the Holy Grail, a small view of Eden and now I simply cannot return to my previous plans. In spite of everything that happened between us the past few years, the many bad times we had, in which we always tried to find a reason to annoy us, to push us each day a bit more to a total loss of civility by our constant fights, I really would love such a future with you. My feelings tell me when trying to find a reason to scream at us, we both just were in need of the other's company. Unfortunately, I'm not able to tell you that, I can't break your heart. Hopefully, I'll be able to have that with you in the future, but not now.
With that a tear was forming in his eyes, he knew what to do. In the same moment, his name was called and Autumn got up, just to enter the hallway again and wiped the tear out his eyes. After walking three steps he entered an office, in which a goat with a white cloak was standing, holding file. By holding his glasses at a certain angle the old man tried to get his eyes to focus on the text being written in it. Autumn knew him pretty well already and just sat down since it was from the experience he had with him clear that he still needed a minute. As soon as the doctor was finished with going through his reading matter, he cleared his throat and turned around, to greet the deer in front of him.
"Good morning Mr. O'Brien.", the deer replied, "I changed my decision, I want the treatment." With that, he left the doctor confused, especially since he remembered him a month ago being absolutely certain. Following that information, he took off his glasses, cleared his throat once again, and continued looking at the adolescent in front of him. "Aaaaas, I aaaalready meeeentioned.", the goat was talking in his typical dialect, "We aaaaren't speeeecialized with thaaaat kind of meeeedicine. In the caaase thaaat you aaare certain, I wiiill inform the clinic in the Black Forest!"
