A/N: Finally! Epilogue to shortly follow, because yeah, I couldn't just end it like this.
Your Smile In August
Letting Go
"Can you believe this?" She said, as they quietly watched the world go by from the safety of the rooftop. "After ten years, we were bound to meet again."
"Who would have thought." he chuckled, but his voice trailed off. There was a smile on her lips as she turned to him, but he couldn't discern her eyes. It was still covered by the shade of her ridiculous straw hat.
Yet she sounded happy, and the grin she wore was infectious.
"It's beautiful," he said.
He meant it.
Finding her diary, knowing her through her prose, and all that had transpired in the short four weeks. It was amazing how a tiny notebook could shatter the years of prejudice that rooted inside him.
The smile that had so annoyed him ten years ago, under the cherry blossom tree, would be the same smile that brought such peace to his heart,
One he never thought he would find.
"I know, right?" she stretched, violet eyes sweeping a glance, and he laughed softly.
She had meant the view, of course: *DENSE*
"The stars are beautiful as well," her satisfying stretch ended in her laying on her back, staring longingly at the night sky.
Kenshin followed suit, laying close beside her. "That, too."
For what seemed like an eternity, everything was still. As if the world had halted all movement and all else had condensed into this one evening, under the light of the moon and million stars.
"This always makes me feel so small..." he said, contemplating the vastness of the night sky. She hummed in agreement,
"In a good way?"
"In a good way."
"Instead of staring up at the sky, I'd always like to imagine that we are on the bottom part of the world," she started. "Staring down into the unknown abyss which is the universe... the only thing holding you from falling into the void of a million stars, is this unseen thing we call gravity..."
Kenshin sighed, and in his mind, he positioned himself as Kaoru had described.
"Imagine if gravity were not here to hold us back?" She reached up... rather... reached down to the stars, "Will we fall forever? Do we float around?"
Suddenly, the thought of him looking down to the unknown, instead of looking up, made him restless.
Kenshin sat up, "I don't think I can look at the stars in the same way ever again."
"It's cool, though, isn't it?" she laughed.
"Terrifying,"
"Yes, but the truth is... eitherway, we are here now, aren't we? Not anywhere else." She sighed.
"You don't know how happy you made me tonight."
Too stunned to formulate a coherent answer, yet Kaoru seemed oblivious to his shock.
"Are you still looking for a home?" she suddenly asked, "You mentioned once, that Kenshin the Llama had no home. I assumed you were talking about yourself."
Kenshin chuckled.
Perhaps... she was not so dense, after all...
"Make me your home," She said, her words leaving him breathless, "Until you find what you're looking for. When you're away I will think of you and wish you safety and the best of outcomes. You can call me when you need someone to talk to, I'll drop whatever I'm doing to be with you, as we help figure your problems out.
Even if you annoy me at times, I will love everything about you... even your flaws.
I'll be one of your truest friends," She smiled,
"In case you didn't know, Kenshin,
I wanted to be your friend for the longest time."
No wonder everyone in her circle had never left her. No question why they stuck around, through the years. Her loyalty was endearing, her strength was a reliable pillar. She deserved every bit and ounce of protection they offered...
He finally saw why everyone else loved her fiercely: because she loved them fiercely, too...
And she offered everything she could, without asking for anything in return.
"What do you say?" she offered her hand, sitting up. "Are we officially friends?"
Dumbfounded, he sat up as well and shook her hand.
Kaoru laughed, "The gods have finally smiled upon me!"
He could not help the upward tug to his lips.
He couldn't be that special, after she had gone through his neglect.
Suddenly, sitting beside her, all of the guilt and shame dissolved. A new feeling started to proliferate inside him:
It wasn't him that was special...
It was her.
Suddenly he felt very sheltered in her presence. As the side of her arm brushed against his, he wondered if this was what she felt for him, ten years ago, as she waited for him under the cherry blossom tree.
Suddenly he felt a sense of awe,
An intense curiosity.
What made her smile?
What would it take for her to trust him with her tears?
Suddenly he wanted to know more about her. Suddenly she was not just this girl whose heart got broken by a boy ten years ago. She was not just this... woman, whose whole personality could be condensed into a hundred-page journal.
She was this complex human being, the same one he failed to see, ten years ago, and he was only seeing now.
"I knew you would make an awesome friend," She patted his head, propping herself up on her knees. "Heck, I called dibs on that fact, ten years ago! And see, I am rarely wrong with my choice of people," She huffed, thoroughly pleased with herself. Stretching back, she groaned.
"Feel any better now?" she hummed playfully,
He realized the entire conversation aimed to make him smile.
"Have a good night's rest, Kenshin." She disappeared down the ladder before he could drag her back to his side.
Sanosuke squinted, covering the glare of the sun on his eyes.
The sky was bright blue and cloudless, and the slight breeze was a welcome distraction to the arid midday heat. The tourists had cleared the streets, taking shelter under the shade of the trees, the many stalls held chiming trinkets and assorted refreshments.
Bringing his gaze back, he smiled, seeing his tall form cast a shadow on his oblivious companion who was in an awkward body position, all for the sake of the perfect shot.
"So how do you feel?" Sano rested an arm on his shoulder, a blunt reminder of their glaringly obvious height difference.
Kenshin would have normally shrugged him off, but he was in the middle of taking a slow-shutter photograph. He had to remain steady... "You are aware of the vagueness of that question, right?"
The journalist huffed, "It's our last day for the project," and it melted to one of sadness, "And tomorrow is your flight back to New York."
A series of digital clicks followed.
"I don't know," Kenshin answered honestly, recovering. "Everything went by so fast." The redhead brought his camera down, and he turned to his friend. "You're not coming back with me, aren't you?"
Sanosuke smiled softly, and shook his head. "No."
"Congratulations," Kenshin reached out, and patted his tall friend on the back.
"You're invited to my wedding, though." He jokingly punched Kenshin at the side.
"I didn't forget," Kenshin retorted, laughing.
Sanosuke proceeded to move forward. From the other end of the grounds were the group, his new circle of friends. Misao was waving at them, holding up a refreshment bottle. Sanosuke waved back. "Don't forget to book your ticket early, It's supposed to be peak season... Megumi and I didn't realize our wedding date was the week after Toro Nagashi."
Kenshin smiled. A wave of nostalgia suddenly hit him: memories of a crying, blue-eyed girl in the middle of a crowd caught his eye, and he reached out to offer his hand,
It finally came clear,
as bright and vivid as the day.
"Toro Nagashi,
The lantern festival in August."
"Right." Sanosuke threw a sidelong glance to his short friend, "Keep in touch, alright? And don't you dare remove yourself from the group chat. You're considered a permanent name already... you'll never hear the end of it from Kaoru if you decided to ghost us."
The redhead laughed.
"Seta says he'll be in Boston for the next week for some business stuff," Sanosuke continued, "Megumi also has a three-day medical convention to attend in California, five weeks from now. She wants me to stay behind for the wedding preparations,"
"I'll make certain I meet up with them."
Sanosuke put his hands in his pockets and said, so casually, "You're coming, right?" He eyed at him skeptically, "You'll be my best man, after all."
Kenshin stopped, and he looked at his friend.
The journalist continued walking, not even sparing him a glance. "It's already decided. There's nothing you can do about it, smalls."
The redhead laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Of course," Kenshin stopped, and after a considerable pause, "I would have come back in a month, anyway, best man or not."
The whole day was spent sight-seeing and taking more pictures. The photojournalist had been very preoccupied, for it was their last day of the project, and it wasn't until the sun had set that he realized the group was missing one key person.
"Where is Kaoru?" He asked, as the stalls around them were closing up, and fireworks brilliantly lit up the sky.
From beside him, Misao fell somber. "Probably still at the hospital."
Kenshin froze.
"You didn't know?" Misao looked up to him, her little face solemn, "Suzu had a seizure again yesterday morning. She had been in the ICU since."
"When you're away I will think of you, and wish you safety and the best of outcomes.
You can call me when you need someone to talk to,"
He learned that one of Kaoru's adopted daughters had suffered that certain illness since birth. Every once in a while Suzu would experience seizures, but it wasn't until yesterday that she had to be hospitalized.
Normally, the child would have woken up and recovered.
This time, she had not.
"I'll drop whatever I'm doing just to be with you,
as we help figure your problems out."
He recalled his conversation with Kaoru at the rooftop, at how she had carried on her conversation, as if nothing else was happening.
So that was the reason why she never removed her ridiculous hat: she didn't want him to see her crying face.
"I'll be one of your truest friends."
It was late at night when she arrived in the villa, and immediately after her first step in, the atmosphere in the room had considerably lightened. They came forward to greet her with an embrace, and she smiled at them,
That warm, genuine smile...
As if she were never hurting,
As if everything will always be alright.
"I caught a few Z's during the ride home," Kaoru said, "Why the long faces?"
Megumi stepped forward, "I called the neurologist, and it seems that Suzu is in a stable condition."
"Yes," Kaoru said, "She woke up. They transferred her to the step-down unit after I left."
"That's good to hear," Misao rushed forward, wrapping her friend in a tight embrace. "Now that we know Suzu is safe, how about you? Are you alright?"
Kaoru fell silent before she squeezed her friend back, "Of course I'm alright, oh, but I need some rest, " she said brightly. Her gaze subtly teetered from a hidden emotion, but she was able to catch it before it could surface.
She gave her friends a bright smile...
Unaware that there was one person who had noticed the slip.
They all sat down for an uneventful dinner. They said their good nights. And when it was time for them to retire to their respective rooms, a certain redhead followed the unsuspecting host as she supposedly made her way to her bedroom.
It was then that Kenshin realized she had other plans in mind.
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her aside, and they stopped in the middle of the dim walkway that led to the gardens.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Kenshin peered, violet stare intense. She looked exhausted. There were dark circles under her eyes, yet she managed to retain that cheery smile,
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" she waved him off. "I napped here and there, and it's not that I didn't eat anything,"
"Kaoru," he pleaded,
And she stopped, and their eyes finally met.
Her gaze teetered again:
It was evident that she was suppressing her emotions.
A deep frustration rose inside the man.
"Kenshin," she reached out, and patted the hand on her wrist. "Please, don't worry about me. I'm alright."
She tried to subtly pull away.
"Kaoru, you can confide in me," he said with utmost care.
"I said I'm alright," she insisted. This time she was beginning to get restless, and she was pulling away from him harder,
"No, you're not alright—" Kenshin said,
"I told you I'm alright!" she suddenly yelled, and her sudden outburst left both her and Kenshin wide-eyed and frozen. "I..." Kaoru was finally able to pull away. She summoned the most pathetic smile he had ever seen, "I apologize. As I said, I'm alright. Please get some rest, Kenshin. You have a flight to catch tomorrow."
She fled to the gardens. Kaoru probably did not expect him to follow, but he was hellbent on getting to her.
She stopped by the pond and heaved a very heavy sigh, and she cast her gaze to the night sky.
He could see from where he stood, as she desperately tried to keep the corners of her mouth from twisting down. She bit her lip, and she shook her head, all in an attempt to keep her feelings suppressed.
Kenshin stepped forward.
I want to be the one you lean on to, when you need to rest.
The rustling sound had startled the girl again, and she turned around, already glaring. "I told you I'm alri—"
"Nakimushi," a deep voice called out, and Kenshin turned to the walkway.
Stepping out of the path, revealing himself under the light of the patio lamps, was Makoto.
"What are you doing here in the dark, lurking like an ugly ghost?"
For a while she stood there, stunned, until her eyes suddenly widened, and her gaze glazed over. "Ue-sama," she whimpered pitifully, as big streaks of tears finally spilled out of her eyes, "Ue-sama!" She dashed towards the man, tackling him in a tight hug,
"I was so scared," she sobbed, her words almost inaudible from her crying, "Suzu didn't wake up, and I.. and I—"
"Oi, isn't she awake right now? Why the hell are you crying?!"
"I don't know, I just... " she trailed off, and she continued to sob like a little child, "Why didn't you come sooner!" She hit his chest with her fists.
"Tsk, it seems the older you get, the whinier you become."
His words were harsh, but he was hugging her tight. His other hand stroked her hair gently. As she buried her face deeper into her Ue-sama's embrace, Kenshin quietly stepped back, holding his shattered pride.
"This isn't a goodbye," Misao said through the screen. There were tears in her eyes and she sniffled, "You'll call us when you arrive in New York,"
"I'll facetime," Kenshin reassured her, "Hey, cheer up. I'll be back by the end of the month,"
"Yeah," Sanosuke squeezed in, his face uncomfortably taking up the whole screen, "If he doesn't, I'll have my lackeys in the office personally deliver him here, dead or alive—"
"Don't be so morbid," Megumi hit him on his side, shoving him away. "Kenshin, have a safe trip."
"Of course. You guys stay out of trouble while I'm away."
The screen shifted to Aoshi, who nodded quietly at him, and to Seta, waving goodbye. Then it went back to a wailing Misao, "I'm so sad our vacation is over!" she could be heard sobbing, until the call finally dropped.
Kenshin settled his phone down, and looked up.
The welcome face of Kaoru met his gaze.
"You have to eat a lot," She said as she stepped forward, reaching out for an embrace. "Sleep early, and don't overwork yourself."
What meant to be a quick hug turned into something more as Kenshin reached back and slipped his arms around her waist, drawing her in tighter than she had intended it to be.
He rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes, taking in her warmth. He completely ignored the man that stood behind her.
"Although this is a very touching scene, I'm afraid we'll have to wrap this up." Makoto stepped forward, tapping Kaoru's shoulder. "You have a flight to catch yourself."
Kaoru pulled away and looked at the overhead screen. "See you guys soon," Kaoru said, seeing her flight details. She turned to Makoto and engulfed him with a bear hug, "I'll be boarding."
"Don't get into any trouble," he playfully pulled the end of her ponytail, and she smiled as she waved goodbye.
"Himura," Makoto turned to Kenshin, seeing Kaoru disappear into the crowd, "I didn't know you were so fond of that little brat."
Kenshin shook his head in disbelief. "I wonder what you're feeding her to make her cling to you."
"That's easy. I'd say... some of my time and attention,"
The photojournalist slightly winced. Memories of his neglect of the blue-eyed girl he avoided, and now loved, came into mind...
And a present image of her, pouring her heart out before the person she trusted the most.
"Oh, I believe this yours." Shishio stepped forward, handing him an envelope. The paper itself looked old, and Kenshin, confused, blindly accepted. "That letter is ten years overdue."
The redhead's eyes widened. In her last entry, Kaoru did mention that she had written a letter to him...
"How did you—"
"She was going to give this to you on your graduation day. I was with her when she tried to approach you," Shishio paused, "But she saw how happy you were then, so she stepped away."
Kenshin stared at the letter for a very long time.
"Take care of her, Makoto," he lifted his gaze towards the man, "If you make her cry, I'll come and personally see that you pay." With a heavy heart he turned to head to his gate.
"Heh," Shishio chuckled, "Giving up too soon?"
Kenshin froze.
"Come on, Himura. And to think that you were one of my strongest bets."
The redhead spun around, only to find a grinning Shishio. The man merely shrugged.
"Among Kaoru's potential matches for marriage, it only boiled down to two. You, and my other candidate. I thought, because of your history with her you would emerge stronger, but seeing you give up on her so easily—"
"I thought you two were in a relationship—" Kenshin trailed off, dumbfounded.
"I'm a married man," he scoffed, "And I would never hook up with my sister, even if she were the last person on earth." Shishio's face grimaced, just thinking of the possibility.
The redhead remained rooted in his spot for a very long time.
"So?" Makoto folded his arms before his chest, "What's holding you back this time?"
Kenshin's shocked expression passed from shocked, to confused, and finally, sad.
"It's been such a long time..." the redhead cast his gaze down, "She does not love me anymore."
The overhead pager was announcing his flight details, the bustle was getting frantic around them. Shishio, with his cocky grin and arrogant posture, scoffed at his dejected figure.
"Himura, let me tell you something. And you need to listen, alright?
Tch, I can't believe I'm dishing out dumb advice to a grown man:"
Makoto started talking. Kenshin raised his gaze, the financier's words hitting something inside him. Kenshin opened his mouth to answer, but he realized that simple sentence left him speechless.
With a smug grin, Makoto finished with one more sentence,
Before turning around and walking away.
~Himura-senpai,
Once upon a time, there was this little girl who thought that promises were meant to be kept,
and love was something that would last forever.
This little girl had been trapped inside a tower made of sadness and tears. Every day she would stare outside her window, waiting for that special someone to come and rescue her.
One day, a fearless Knight passed by, and instantly, she fell in love.
Putting up her smiling mask, the girl called out for him, and much to her happiness, he answered.
But his answer was faint, and she could barely hear. He was still so distant. And so the little girl, who was naïve to the outside world, decided to climb out of her tower to reach him. She set forth on a long and grueling journey to find her elusive Knight.
Throughout her journey, she experienced hardships and happiness. She made many mistakes, yet at the same time, she learned so many things. She encountered some enemies, but in the process, she found so many loyal friends.
She grew.
And she continued growing, until she realized that even though she didn't get to find her Knight... she was happy.
I'm sorry I'm rambling.
Maybe because this is the last letter I will ever give you, but I promise, I'll get to the point.
Himura-senpai, through this one-sided chase, I have finally realized that I am enough. Through the years of loneliness, and all that I have been through,
I have learned that my strongest ally is myself,
And everything I need is within myself.
From now on, I will not let myself down.
If ever there is a moment of weakness, I will learn to be kind to myself, too, because am my own best friend.
Himura-senpai, you might not remember this, but we met three years ago in a lantern festival in Kyoto. You smiled at me, and you promised to be my friend.
Although it was never fulfilled, I will forever treasure that promise. I will forever keep the image of your smile.
The journey for your friendship was the one thing that started it all, and it is one of the many wonderful things that brought me to where I am now.
You may burn this letter after reading, Throw it in the trash, rip it to pieces, I will not mind,
You may even forget me, and I will understand. Please don't feel guilty.
I let you go with a happy heart.
I wish you well in University. I wish you find a good job that allows you to fulfill your ambitions.
I wish you live happily ever after with Miss Yukishiro, that you have many babies and grandchildren and your life will be filled with laughter.
Himura-senpai, I wish you all the best.
Thank you for everything,
And goodbye.
~Kamiya Kaoru~
