'Ruff and Tuff, I need you to go on a patrol. One rider is down. Snotlout's not here. The edge can't be left unguarded. I'll take care of things here. You two need to take care of everything out there.' Fishlegs said to the twins who were surprisingly looking serious.

'Sure. You can count on us.' Ruffnut climbed on Barf. Tuffnut nodded and the dragon took off. It still felt a bit weird to see them not joking and suddenly looking mature.

No one mentioned Hiccup. Everyone knew what he was going through.

--

The sun was already down. Hiccup sat beside Astrid's bed, holding her hands and constantly checking her pulse. Every time he checked it, there would be a moment when a fluid axe rushed through his veins, chipping his lungs so he couldn't breathe. And it was gone when he finally felt the life in her body. He was tired. It had been a long day and he really needed some rest. But he couldn't. He didn't dare to. He was afraid her weak pulse would stop when he wasn't paying attention. Afraid that she would disappear the second he closed his eyes. So he just sat there and looked at her, even though how she looked killed him. He had died so many times in a day.

'Hiccup, Gothi's here.' Fishlegs knocked and let himself in, Gothi following him. He was carrying a big wooden chest for her. Gothi gestured him to put it on the table.' I told her what happened. I think she would know what to do.'

Hiccup looked up sharply. He looked almost pathetic covered in Astrid's blood. Despair made his hair a mess. All of a sudden he looked so small and, easily broken. He stood up and made room for Gothi. She looked at him sadly before turned to look at Astrid's wound. Her face grew solemn. A frown appeared. Hiccup held on to the small table beside the bed like a drowning person held onto the rope offered to him, so hard that his knuckles turned white. He needed something to keep him standing. He really couldn't take any bad news anymore. It was just too much. He breathed heavily, strange patterns moving in his vision. They were shining a tragic light. His hope. Gothi looked around the room, only to find there was no sand to scribble on. She sighed and grabbed some charcoal and started scribbling on a piece of paper. Fishlegs approached and translated.

'She said it's not an easy case...and she isn't sure...if Astrid will make it. It's out of her hand...But she can leave us some herbs to for Astrid when she wakes up.' Fishlegs' the voice got quieter and quieter. Something whacked Hiccup's knees. The light disappeared. He collapsed back onto the chair. He couldn't feel himself. His heart was bleeding. The pain numbed him. Gothi looked really sad. She walked towards the chest, took out a few herbs and handed them to Fishlegs. She approached Hiccup and patted his shoulder, then gestured Fishlegs to leave with her.

When the door was closed, Hiccup buried his face in his hands. The world had gone dark. And it felt like forever. His world grew withered like a rose on a graveyard. This must be what hell felt like. He cried silently, his body shaking.

Thor, why don't you kill me? Why didn't you let me take the arrow and die?

Astrid, please.

After how long he didn't know, Hiccup couldn't feel any tears anymore. He didn't have any. It had run out. It must already be night. The room was dark. Without the stinging feeling on his cheeks, there was nothing to distract him from his heartache. It hurt him so bad. It was gradually disintegrating him from the inside. He had to curl up to make it less painful.

'Hiccup?' Fishlegs quietly pushed the door open and came in.' Do you need something to eat? Or anything else I can get you?'

'No, thank you Fishlegs.' Hiccup didn't turn his eyes away from Astrid.' I'm good.'

He didn't sound good at all. Fishlegs lit the candle and walked beside him.' Let me stay here. I'll take care of her. You really need to get some sleep.'

Hiccup didn't move. Finally, he said,'' But how am I going to sleep? This is all my fault.I'm supposed to be the one on this bed, not Astrid. I can't leave her like this.'

'I know. I know you can't. But this is not your fault. It's not anyone's fault.' Fishlegs put a hand on his shoulder.' Don't blame yourself.'

'I...I just can't help it. If I had noticed her coming or the arrow, none of this would've happened.' Hiccup nearly screamed the words out.'It's my fault.'

Fishlegs looked at him and sighed.' At least have some water?' He went to the table and poured some water for Hiccup.

Hiccup nodded and took the cup. His throat was tight. Some water might make it better.

'I'll stay here with you.' Fishlegs seemed really worried so he offered.

'Don't worry about me. But thanks for asking.' Hiccup looked up at him. The redness in his eyes was embedded there, mixed with the endless heartache. Fishlegs hesitated but agreed at last. He left Hiccup alone, hoping some space could make him feel better.

--

'Is she okay?' Ruffnut asked when Fishlegs walked gloomily into the clubhouse.

'I don't know. Even Gothi can't be sure of it.' Fishlegs sounded defeated.

'Is Hiccup okay?' Snotlout asked. He changed his worried tone to an irritated one the instant he realized it, trying to hide the fact that he actually worried about his friend.'...well, I mean... I'm still expecting him to save my butt someday. He's pretty useful if you ask me.'

'Of course not. He didn't eat, didn't sleep and didn't agree to come out. All he agreed to do was to have some water.' Fishlegs shook his head.' It's Astrid, Snotlout.'

'I know, I know.' Snotlout rolled his eyes,' he better not commit suicide that way. That one-legged fishbone.'

Then no one talked. The air pressure was too low for them to breathe. The edge had never been so silent.

--

It had already been two days. Hiccup never even stepped out of Astrid's hut. Toothless had been staying out on the wood deck, not wanting to leave his rider either. He sat beside her bed, not going anywhere. He hadn't shut his eyes for a second. The exhaustion was catching up on him. He looked no better than her. Hiccup was pale, absolutely pale. And with the dark circles under his eyes, he looked almost like a homeless raccoon. His redder eyes became even more terrifying. It probably would form an illusion in anyone's brain that there was blood filling up his eyes, but he continued sitting there, holding her hands, checking her pulse and looking at her face.

Astrid was still breathing. But her breathing was still shallow and unsteady. From time to time it would appear that she obviously had trouble breathing. And sometimes the difficult rise and fall of her chest would stop. Hiccup was terrified every time it stopped. He would jump up the chair, ignoring the dull pain in his stump due to long-time wearing of his peg leg and shouted for Fishlegs. After what Gothi said, Fishlegs had nothing in mind to do, either. He looked really scared but told Hiccup that there was nothing he or Gothi could do and still carefully avoided his eyes. The enormous agony in Hiccup's eyes stung his as well. And it made his brain blank. He couldn't think of anything to help. He could hear Hiccup fall down on his knees and shouting loudly for Astrid to hear, to breathe, to live. His voice was cracked and raspy. He was so desperate that he even began blowing in her mouth. That was something he saw at a young age when people tried to rescue someone that stopped breathing. He just never thought he would have to use the method someday. He should press her chest, too. But the wound was too serious to take it. He just repeated what he was doing and continued shouting her name. Fishlegs felt guilty. All he could do was silently walk over to the table, pour some water for his friend and tell him he's so sorry. Hiccup didn't dare to take his eyes off her. Hope and fear tore his heart open again and again. It kept bleeding and bleeding. Hiccup always wondered when the constant bleeding could send him to Valhalla too. The colorless blood was back. It streamed out of his eyes, down his face to where his heart was and hurt it badly. Then Fishlegs would leave. And the shouting and blowing air would always, somehow, make Astrid start breathing after some time. The toxic gas in his lungs would go away and he would sit back on his heels breathlessly feeling relieved. Hiccup didn't know why or how. He didn't care. All he knew was his Astrid was breathing again. And he was willing to take the roller coaster again and again even if it cost every last of his strength.

It was probably a miracle. He thought. But too many and too good to be true.

See, Astrid, Valhalla doesn't want you there. So don't you go...Please.

When it was the middle of the night, Hiccup lit a candle and decided to check her pulse again. There was sweat on her forehead and her face looked red, in an unnatural way. A bad feeling crept into the back of his mind. When he touched her skin, a burning sensation caught his hand. He got startled and felt her forehead. It was burning, too. She was warm and her lips were parched. She had a fever.

Hiccup wanted to call for Toothless to fetch Fishlegs, but only the sound of air came out every time he opened his mouth. His throat was too dry. He tried a few times before he finally heard his voice. It didn't even sound like his anymore.

'Toothless, get Fishlegs. Now!'Toothless jumped out of his sleep, understood what happened in a second. He grunted in shock and quickly took off. Hiccup turned to Astrid.

'Come on Astrid.' He caressed her face with his thumb and mumbled.'Don't scare me.'

Fishlegs ran in and panted, looking slightly disoriented being woken up at midnight .' What...what happened? Is she...okay?'

'She's having a high fever. I need your help, Fishlegs.' Hiccup talked too fast to be understood by humans.' I need some cold water and some towels.'

Fishlegs took a few deep breaths before he fully took in the words. He ran out and came back shortly afterward with a bucket of water and two clean towels. Hiccup dipped them into the cold water and wrung them out. He carefully put one on her forehead.

'I'm sorry to wake you up.I...I panicked.' Hiccup said to Fishlegs, his voice too raspy to be recognized.' i don't know what to do.'

For the first time in these three days Fishlegs finally was able to look into his eyes and talk. 'Don't be. I understand. Don't apologize. She is our friend. you too.'

'Thanks.' Hiccup lowered his gaze and asked.' What do I do now?'

'I have some herbs for fever in my hut, but I don't think she's able to take the medicine.' Fishlegs lowered his gaze as well.' So I guess we'll just wait, and hope for the best.'

He could even see the disappointment of Hiccup fill the place. It dimmed the hut, suffocating the struggling candle. He heard Hiccup's breaths tremble. But Hiccup didn't say anything. They fell into silence, letting the night wrap up their broken hopes. For the next few hours, he and Hiccup took turns changing the towel. Hiccup kept talking to Astrid, asking her to keep fighting. When the sun came up, Hiccup finally found Astrid was feeling less warm. She wasn't burning. She was still warm but getting better. When the birds on the island started to sing happily in a chorus, they were relieved that Astrid's temperature was back to normal. Fishlegs sighed in relief and yawned.' Thank Thor!'

'Thank you, for your help.' Hiccup turned to him.' I think she's fine now. You can still get some rest before the others are up.'

'No, I think I'm okay. You're the one who needs some rest.' Fishlegs said.' Seriously, you need to sleep. You've been up for like, three days. Why don't you go and leave her with me? She'll be fine with me.'

Hiccup shook his head firmly.' I trust you, Fishlegs. But I just can't leave her. Do you know that feeling? Like, you never know what is gonna happen. She is at a place between life and death and I just, don't know which way she was going. So many things could go wrong and she'll probably be gone when I'm not looking. And, and the worst thing is I didn't protect her well. You know how many times I swore to myself that I would do anything to keep her safe, to give whatever it takes to protect her? I'm willing to die if it means she's safe. I didn't do as I promised myself. How on earth am I going to fall asleep?' He buried his face in his hands.' I will never forgive myself.'

Fishlegs suddenly lost all the words he was going to say. He just sat there with Hiccup, not making a sound.

After a long time he said.'Are you hungry?'You haven't eaten for days. You need to eat.'

'I...I don't feel like it right now.I'm not hungry.' Hiccup looked up, but quickly added, not wanting to disappoint his friend.' Just some water. It would be nice.'

Fishlegs looked worried but gave in. He gave him the water and left. It was his shift of patrol this morning.

After the fever, Astrid was looking paler but her breathing was finally getting steady. It was not deep but at least it wasn't at risk of stopping occasionally. That made Hiccup feel a lot better. He could sit there and watch her, knowing she was alive. Now he was available, the pain on his left leg was madly seeking attention. He had been on the peg leg for so long and the pain was building up. When he put weight on it, he felt a blade cutting his skins, sending fire up his spines to his head. He ignored it. Astrid was his priority.

He picked up a towel and gently cleaned the bloodstain on Astrid's skin. It didn't look good on her. He wiped it off as carefully as possible like he was trying to keep the dust off the most valuable thing in his house. She was finally doing okay and he didn't want to hurt her or break her. How strange it was for her to look fragile. He bent to look at her face. She was sleeping peacefully. The freckles still looked lovely on her cheekbones. The color drained from her lips. They were usually in a beautiful shade of roseate that always had him feel dizzy and need to restrain himself from leaning down and kissing her as if it was the only right thing to do. She was now as light and surreal as a floating soul. He caressed her cheek. He leaned down and closed his eyes, kissing her long and deep. He opened his eyes to find them already moist. Then he drew a deep breath and put the towel back into the bucket.

He didn't remember he was covered in dried blood, too. It stuck on his clothes, his armor and his pants like a curse claiming it was going to haunt him forever. He didn't bother to take a look at himself. He rapidly grew thinner and thinner these days but he just didn't care. It was more like he couldn't feel it. He started to not be able to feel hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. He was just tired, in an apprehensive way

Every minute was like a thousand years. After an eternity, he was still at the same place watching Astrid sleep, trying hard to ignore the searing pain in his leg.

It probably has a lot of abrasions. Or the metal piece jutted out again into my leg. It's not like it never happened before. He didn't want to check.

Let it be. I don't care.

The sun was setting. He could see the warm orange glow peeking through the door, splashing on the floor. It reminded him of the day he took Astrid on her first ride on Toothless and the day he gave her the pendant when later at sunset she surprised him by telling him she had been having a big crush on him since they were eight. He smiled when he reminisced the way she blushed and her eyes shone when she told him how special he was and how different he had been to catch her eyes.

Seriously, do I look like one of those girls who would fall head over heels for some guy after just a one-hour ride? Come on, that was because I always like you. Who would notice someone's every move and weird behavior if they don't have feelings for that person? He remembered every word she said. You stood out to me. They just couldn't see how different and amazing you were at that time. But I know everything. You are one in a million.

He was so flattered that he grinned like an idiot, lost the ability to speak and just tried to fully digest the fact that they both had loved each other for so long, and most importantly she had been loving him so long and he didn't know. She hid it so well, under her coolest pride and hard shell, just like she hid everything else. Just like she hid herself from his sight to block the arrow for him. The pain fell hard on his heart again. He screwed up his face and bit his lips to not let his pained cry escape.

Someone knocked. 'Uh...Hiccup? You there? Can...can I come in?' It was Tuffnut.

'Sure, Tuffnut.' Hiccup breathed.

Tuffnut came in. Hiccup didn't know how Tuffnut heard him. Maybe he didn't.

'Well, hi, H.' Tuffnut looked really unsure of himself.' I don't know if you noticed, but it's evening...and do you..uh..want to...I brought you some stew. Ruffnut cooked tonight and it's not disgusting at all. You should try it.' He put the bowl down on the table.

'Thank you, Tuff.' Hiccup turned to Tuffnut who was nervously playing with his own fingers

Suddenly Tuffnut jumped up, his eyes wide.' Oh oh oh I haven't seen Astrid for days. Boy, do I miss her! Is she doing okay? I heard Fishlegs say she's doing okay so she must be doing okay. I'm so worried...no I mean I was worried heh...wait but now I'm still worried but she's definitely gonna be fine, correct?' He suddenly sounded a little uncertain and scared but quickly shook it off, trying to make them both feel better. He was getting nervous and apparently couldn't stop blabbering.' Of course she is! Come on she's Astrid. When is she not fine?... I can't wait to spend some quality time with my best girlfriend-no no no I mean girl-friend not girlfriend don't take this the wrong way...How about right now? I really want to stay here with you and your dinner. Come on, it's gonna be fun! Thor, I'm sorry it's not fun watching her like this but she's definitely gonna be fine I promise...' He was totally out of breath when he finished the long speech that he prepared for an afternoon but still inevitably ruined.' And I also promise you'll like your dinner.' He put stress on dinner twice to try to get him to eat.

Hiccup didn't have the appetite but still listened to him until he finished. Then he smiled bitterly.' I appreciate it, Tuff. I know you guys are worried but I'm fine. Astrid is the one you need to worry about.' He saw Tuffnut was deflated so he said.' You can stay, of course. You are a great friend and I'll try the stew when I'm hungry.' Tuffnut's eyes lit up.' Thank you.'

'Well, it's nothing, really...'Tuffnut laughed awkwardly.' It's not a big deal. Ruffnut did most of the work.

Tuffnut grabbed a chair and sat beside him. He took a look at Astrid and was startled. It was also beyond his imagination to see her as sere and fragile as this. So He turned his eyes to Hiccup.

'Have you considered taking a bath?' He asked tentatively.' You...don't really look good. It looks like you're wearing a sweater made of dried blood.'

'I'll do it later. Right now I'm worried about her.' Hiccup fixed his eyes on her thin figure in the bed.

Tuffnut became nervous again.' Okeydokey...it's just a suggestion. Don't mind me.'

Hiccup smiled.' Thank you. You guys have been doing a lot for me and Astrid. I really don't know what to say.'

Tuffnut seemed flattered.' I said it's nothing. You don't need to thank us for this. We got your back, H.'

The Stars were shining outside. The broken pieces of the starlight danced in the hut around the bed, making Astrid look like Freya. She was probably going to get up and fly to the place where Auroras live and never come back. A lightning bolt of fear crackled in Hiccup when the thought flashed through his mind. He reached out and held her hands in his, afraid that she really was going to leave. Tuffnut was dozing in a chair beside him. Hiccup wanted to stand up and sit on the edge of the bed so he could see Astrid's face more clearly. A sharp pain burnt his stump when he tried to stand. A yelp escaped before he realized. He fell forward but caught himself in time at the edge of the bed to avoid hurting Astrid. He held onto the edge and panted. The flames of the pain weren't fully distinguished. They caused the darkness in the room to spin. Hiccup blinked hard to get rid of the weird feeling of instability before he stood up, putting his weight more on his other leg.

'Are you okay? Is anything wrong?' the sounds had woken up Tuffnut. He was looking confused and worried.

'I'm alright. Don't worry.' Hiccup replied in a weak voice. His face was pale.

'But I heard you. You, uh, you okay?' Tuffnut didn't buy it. He studied him suspiciously.' Oh my Thor, there's blood on your peg leg! Oh my! Is your leg okay?"He panicked when he spotted the red shiny thing dripping from the prosthetic.' Oh no, I don't think you're fine. This is bad this is bad! You got injured and you didn't tell us? It's been four-five days and you haven't told us? I'm gonna get Fishlegs here. You wait,now--'

'Tuff I'm okay. Really. I wasn't injured. The metal piece of the prosthetic went askew again. It happens all the time. Relax. I'm fine.' Hiccup's voice was barely audible.' Don't wake him up. He was up all night last night. Let him sleep.'

'But there's blood! That doesn't happen all the time! Seriously, H,you--'Tiffnut stopped when he saw Hiccup began to take deep breaths with his eyes shut. Now he really was scared.' You okay? You...' He looked awful. He didn't even look like a living person. But at last, he opened his eyes.'Yes, Tuffnut. Yes'

'You can, you know, sit down. That'll make you feel better.' Tuffnut added.' You sure you don't need anything?'

'No, I'm good.' Hiccup sat down on the edge, tucking Astrid's bangs behind her ears. Thank God she's still here.

Tuffnut fell into silence, looking from Hiccup to Astrid. He sat back into his chair.

'Tuffnut you can go back to your hut and sleep. You don't have to stay here with me.' Hiccup said when he noticed Tuffnut was nodding off.

'Don't you need help here? I don't really want to sleep in the hut anyway. My sister snores.' Tuffnut obviously was lying. He always slept like a baby. He wouldn't mind that.

But Hiccup laughed. He knew what he was thinking.' No, Tuff, I'm fine.Go.' he saw Tuffnut's uncertain face and smiled.' Go on.'

Tuffnut thought for a moment, rubbed his eyes, yawned and left.' If you need anything, I'm-'he yawned again awake. She's a real snorer.' He sounded like he was already asleep. He closed the door.

Hiccup's smile was killed by the darkness. He limped towards the table and lit a candle. He limped back and sat on her bed. The starlight was engulfed in the candlelight. She looked better. She was breathing calmly. She was less pale than earlier. Hiccup wasn't sure if it was the candlelight or just her really getting better because an extremely light shade of pink came back to her cheeks and lips. Hiccup felt better, a lot better now, about Astrid. He thanked all the gods he could think of. He sat there, almost feeling secure for the first time in these days. But he still wasn't sure of it. He didn't want to relax. The insecurities in his heart refused to let him relax. He had no idea what was waiting ahead. It was a good feeling with 100% uncertainties. He couldn't let his guards down, not yet. But at least she was in stable condition now. He took the bowl of stew on the table. It was already cold. He thought he needed to eat now, not because he was hungry, but because he was half relieved about Astrid. She probably could wake up. Not today. But she probably would. It could happen. She was going to need him at that time. He needed to be there for her, and not the other way round. Tuffnut was right. It wasn't bad.

The sun was up again. Hiccup pressed his lips against her hand.

I hope you get well. I really do. Please. Just for me.

--

'We asked you to get him to sleep or eat and you made sure neither happened?' Snotlout glared at Tuffnut.' You had a good night's sleep, huh?'

'He said he would eat when he wanted to. He said that he didn't need me and I could go to bed. And I did what he said.' Obviously, Tuffnut wasn't convincing himself. He was trailing off sheepishly.

''Oh in that case...AND YOU BOUGHT IT??!' Snotlout was furious. He looked like an overinflated balloon that was going to explode.

'Alright, I'm sorry.' Tuffnut mumbled.' I was too sleepy. And since when does he do what you ask him to do?'

Snotlout sighed.' Good point. That crazy maniac.' He quickly returned to his furious state in a second.' Geez, you're a waste of time. I'm gonna go and get that dude to sleep and eat.'

He stomped towards Astrid's hut and shoved the door open, Tuffnut following him guiltily.' I'm serious, Hiccup. You need to stop this. I've had enough. Whether you like it or not, I'm...'

'Hey, you did eat the stew!'Tuffnut shouted excitedly. Snotlout saw the empty bowl.' How was it? Please don't say it's disgusting. I know Ruffnut messes up all the time but this is actually not horrible.'

Hiccup smiled.' It was great. Thank you, Tuffnut.'

Tuffnut grinned triumphantly.' See, he ate. I didn't do nothing. Mission half accomplished.' He said the words in a really dramatic tone.

''Okay, so he ate. So what?' Snotlout rolled his eyes.' Did the raccoon sleep?'

'I'm fine, Snotlout.' Hiccup said slowly and patiently like these people just couldn't understand this simple fact.' You don't need to worry.' He stood up and grimaced, staying still for a while. Those strange patterns were back again. They kept changing their forms and colors. A weird red light danced around in his vision. Then it turned purple, then white, then yellow and green. He blinked hard a few times but they didn't go away like they did last time. The room started to spin.

'Gods look at you! And you told me to not worry!' Snotlout ran up to him and held his shoulders.' Have you any idea how you look? You sound weird, too. And Thor is that blood on your peg leg! You need to clean yourself, and...do something with your leg and, and go to sleep. i'm starting to wonder if you're suffering a brain damage too!'

Hiccup tried to look at him but these patterns wouldn't let him focus.' I know. But not now...She 's just starting to get better.I...have to be here. I had...my meal, okay? Let me stay.' He wanted to walk it off but when he stepped forward, a tearing pain shot through his leg, leaving countless small hot daggers in his body. He cried out in pain and slumped forward. Snotlout caught him in time.

'This is enough, Hiccup! You have to rest. Tuffnut you go and find Fishlegs. He's probably on a patrol with your sister. Take Hookfang.' he snapped.' For you, buddy, come with me!'

'Come on, Snotlout.' Hiccup grabbed Snotlout's arm and tried to steady himself.' I'm not going to let myself die...she needs me. I just want to be...here for her. It's just my leg not...a big deal. I can't sleep when she's...still in this condition.' He panted, his face covered in cold sweat. He regained his balance and started walking to the table. He was starting to be thirsty. And he needed something to prove that he was fine. The world was spinning fast. The floor was slanting. The shiny monsters in his vision grew crazy. They were dancing non-stop. The pain in his leg was chewing him into dust. He gritted his teeth, taking a step. Then the world went dark. Everything went dark and quiet.

His friends watched in horror as he collapsed on the floor.