Hiccup didn't sleep last night. It was like some sort of jet lag. He wasn't tired at all after his insanely long rest which he couldn't get himself to believe. He sat beside his girl and just watched her sleep. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. It was almost like Hiccup's own leisure time that happened like, well, never.
He had been working himself to the bone these days. Battles, training, patrols, plans that kept him up late into the night—these are his everyday routine. Though Astrid was always beside him he never really had enough alone time with her. They always had to squeeze their life so hard just to shrink it as much as possible and somehow managed to sneak a date into the rest of the schedule. It was exhausting but they didn't care. All the 'cute little moments' that sprinkled their life were always there to warm them. They would sneak a look at each other or secretly hold hands and somehow that could make themselves truly happy. The thought that he and she being there for each other and knowing each other so well would never get less sweet. They knew it and enjoyed it. But they wanted to know each other more. They wanted some space that could only contain the two of them so they could both let their guards down. And now, finally, some alone time! But it was not what Hiccup had in mind. He sighed and his gaze turned sad. They never regretted any of their decisions on fighting the evil. This time she got lucky, yet it made Hiccup feel that he was the one that got really lucky. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if Astrid didn't make it. He was pretty sure he was going to resent himself for the rest of his life if that was the case.
Right now, with everything piling up into a complicated mess in his head, he just couldn't help but blame himself. He felt like he owed her so much. He should protect her. It was just what he did. But he failed this time. Astrid was one in a million. She understood him so well. She could see through his soul and silently look at his fears and would hug him tight whenever he needed it. He loved her with his life. Hiccup knew she wasn't as fearless as everyone else thought she was. He always did, even from when they were little kids. He would look at her quietly and sense her loneliness. Even though she would act so cold and cruel on the outside he just knew there were a lot of times when she was absolutely scared. She was lonely and thought too much. When she was scared, she would spend so much time being alone and acting emotionless just to hide it. But she couldn't fool Hiccup, because she would ball her hands into fists and look colder than ever every time. No one else noticed that. Everybody would think that was just how she was. She just did that out of subconsciousness just to make herself feel better so she could succeed in forcing herself to face the hell. It made his heart ache, seeing her so invincible but fragile. She needed someone to fall back on though she never said it. She would carry everything on her own shoulders. Hiccup wanted to be her shield, to protect her, to help her with things. To stop every boulder and arrow coming her way. He knew the answer would be this was an accident if he asked anyone but he couldn't force himself to think that way. It just seemed like his fault to himself. She'd already born so much weight from everything. Astrid deserved all the love the world could offer. Hiccup knew she hated being specially cared for in front of people so he secretly did it, hid it from the others, just trying to make whatever that was making her life hard become less. It was his job to wrap his arms around her and shield her from harm. And he still failed, miserably.
Everyone should be asleep by now. It was getting really quiet into midnight. The wind whispered now and then. The warm, amber-like light fluctuated, as if with a soothing sound. There was almost this indescribable magical atmosphere. It formed a cocoon around Astrid. It was like she was glowing. She looked so much better after these days. Hiccup was a little cheered up now. It felt safer now to just sit here, take a breath, and not kill himself with guilt or worry.
Thank you, whoever is up there, for letting her stay with me.
A gentle and mysterious voice in Hiccup's head started to talk. You'll be fine. Both of you.
And there came another voice. Fear not, young Hiccup.
Okay, that sounds like Tuff.
And another voice—Yeah. Relax, dude. I was kidding, man. She would never ditch you.
Alright. Here goes Snotlout.
Hiccup couldn't hold back his smile--hey, did I just somehow amuse myself? He shook his head. His friends had done so much for him lately. If not for them, Hiccup wouldn't have known what to do or how to deal with all this. Well, except for Fishlegs, they usually could be pretty whacky and unreliable. But Hiccup felt so grateful that they had all been there for him.
Hiccup held Astrid's hand in his. It was a little cold out in the night air. He rubbed her hand in his gently and decided to tuck her arms inside the covers. All of a sudden he became timid when he tried to lift her right arm because he could still spot the faint red bloodstain coming out of layers of bandages. There was a foreseen panic attack. One blink and the avalanche crashed in. His heart which was just fine seconds ago began pounding fast. That burning sensation of being out of breath came back. He sat down, too afraid to move. He thought he'd never done anything quite as risky as the decision to put her arms inside the covers to keep her warm. Well, recently whatever he had done all seemed pretty risky. He kind of believed he would hurt her and ruin everything. He raced with the Grim Reaper to get her to stay and now he didn't have the guts to risk it. Even for the slightest. He sat there, feeling pretty disappointed and angry at himself. So finally, he just got up, took a clean shirt out of the wooden chest and carefully covered Astrid's right arm and shoulder with it. Content with what he did, he sat down again to wait for his panic to fade.
Astrid's face looked peaceful. Her breathing was calm and even. Hiccup felt safe just listening to it, knowing she wasn't going anywhere and that he was not alone. They were a team, a great one.
Hey, I still have you. That was what Astrid once said to him. He remembered it. That's the Hiccup I know. Everything she said started coming back to him.
Why didn't you?
That, was for kidnapping me.
I was talking to Toothless.
Guys, you heard the acting chief.
What took you so long?
I don't think so. I'm coming with you.
Come on, Hiccup.
……
Everything came back to him. Her smile, her voice, her eyes, her playful jokes, everything about her. And it made him miss her more. He wanted to hear her talk to him so bad.
Hiccup was a little surprised to notice the grayish shimmering light through the door. He wasn't paying attention to the time. He didn't realize that he had been sitting there for that long until now. The dawn was breaking. A new day. For some reason that pumped a little hope into Hiccup's heart. He looked at Astrid's face hopefully, like she was going to open her eyes and hug him the next second. And almost immediately he got slightly disappointed by the fact he clearly knew that she wasn't. He sighed and kissed her temple. Now he needed his pivot. I'm always going to be here for you.
There were footsteps outside. "Morning, Hiccup." Fishlegs knocked.
"Morning, Fishlegs." Hiccup replied." Can I help you?" The clear flowing sunlight was leaking into the hut with the cool morning breeze. A scent of hope.
The wooden door creaked. "No, uh, actually I'm wondering if you would want something to eat." Fishlegs was holding a plate. " Since you haven't eaten for days. We figured you need to."
Fishlegs was actually expecting him to kindly tell him to put it on the table and that he wasn't hungry, but he didn't. Hiccup turned his head and smiled." Thank you. That's exactly what I need."
It kinda threw Fishlegs off the spot and for a second or two he just stared at his friend. Okay that was easier than I thought.
"Anything wrong?" Hiccup laughed. He grabbed the headboard and stood up, supporting his weight with his good leg. His prosthetic stung his leg. Fishlegs' face flashed a worried look, then quickly shook his head. "No no no. Nothing's wrong. It's just, I'm glad you're okay."
"I can't thank you guys enough. You've been doing so much for Astrid and me." Hiccup looked at his friend sincerely. "And the edge. I'm sorry I needed you guys to take my shifts of patrol. I really couldn't stand the idea of leaving her here."
"And you really don't need to mention it. Really. We are happy to help. You always have our back when we're in trouble. You would even put your own life on the line for us. What we did is the least friends could do." Fishlegs added." And we know how much Astrid means to you." Fishlegs handed him the plate. " I'm just gonna go and if you need help, feel free to ask."
Hiccup smiled and nodded. It was toast and some yak butter for breakfast. A new day to start.
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By the way, shout out to @hiccstrid4ever. Thank you for your advice. It's such a big help.
