Guard Up
"She's letting me see Thea." Punk nodded, pacing up and down in the living room whilst Dean sat on the couch, "Tomorrow at three." Punk said.
"How the hell did you convince her?" Dean shook his head.
"I don't think I've convinced her of anything." Punk said, "I just… I told her I'm not walking away from my kid. If she can't cooperate with me then… then I gotta focus everything onto my daughter." He said.
He never thought he'd be twenty one with a kid. He always thought that stuff would come later on in life. When he was ready to handle that sort of responsibility, but that didn't change his approach to it. He was going to be there for his kid.
"Well did you see her?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, only for like a minute. Man, she's so beautiful. She's like April. Really like April." Punk said as Dean tried to keep up with him, "She's got a lot of hair, it's all fuzzy… and she had this little baby grow on and it had little clouds and sheep on it." He nodded as Dean smiled.
"You nervous?" Dean asked him.
"Of course I'm nervous. What do I know about babies?" Punk sighed to himself, "I mean she's only giving me an hour with her but… I'll take it. I'll take any time I get." He nodded.
"Did you guys talk about… you two?" Dean asked.
"I tried but… she's just so hurt." Punk shook his head, sitting down on the couch, "And that's my fault. I hurt her."
"Maybe when she sees how serious you are about starting over, she might feel differently." Dean said.
"It's never gonna change what I did." Punk said, "I gotta gain her trust again." He nodded, "And you're right, she's gotta get out of that apartment." He nodded to himself.
"Yeah, place is falling apart." Dean nodded, "And she never leaves it." He shook his head, "She's gonna end up ill. Like her mom." He said, "Obviously I wouldn't say that to her face." He gulped, "She'd slap my head off."
"Yeah, she would." Punk said, "I just can't imagine… not having her in my life. I want her back. Like how we used to be."
"Yeah, you guys were pretty inseparable." Dean nodded. He knew what kind of relationship his brother had with AJ. It was special, personal and very deep. But all of those feelings just made it worse now that things had come crumbling down.
"I just… I wish I could take it all back." Punk shook his head.
"Dude, you can't keep saying that. The fact is, you can't take it back." Dean said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up, "You can't take it back, so you gotta work on things now, in this moment." He said as Punk nodded, "She's still your April, deep down. She's just got that guard back up. At least you're breaking through a little."
"I'm not breaking through at all. The woman looks like she wants to murder me." Punk shook his head.
"She's protecting herself. Look how she's living. She's looking out for herself because you… you proved to her that she can only really depend on herself. It's harsh but it's true. She depended on you and look what happened."
"Yeah, I know." Punk sighed.
"You gotta make her love you again." Dean nodded, "And you're pretty hard to love." He shrugged.
"Yeah, thanks Dean." Punk rolled his eyes, "She actually said she still loves me." Punk said, "So… there's that."
"Yeah, but you gotta make her want to love you. There's a difference." Dean nodded, "Look at us… we all don't got much. Shabby apartments, no family, not a lot of money…" He said, "But we had our friends. We had each other." He nodded, "Gotta get that back." He nodded, "I won't have my niece growing up not knowing how amazing her uncle is." He scoffed as Punk rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, because that's at the top of my worries right now." Punk nodded.
"It should be." Dean said.
"I just want her to know I'm here for her." Punk said, "And I'm not giving up on us."
"She probably knows that." Dean nodded, "Take it one step at a time. It's a positive that she's letting you come see Thea. Even if it is just for an hour." He said as Punk nodded, "Use your time well. Show her that you're still the guy she fell in love with."
"Yeah." Punk nodded, feeling more positive, "Shit, I'm gonna… I'm gonna meet my daughter." He gulped nervously, leaning back on the couch and placing his hand on his forehead.
The next day, Punk arrived at AJ's apartment right on time. AJ opened up the door, looking across at him standing. He hadn't changed one bit. He was still that scruffy, dirty Punk kid she fell so madly in love with. His long blonde hair was tied back under his cap, and he still wore the same clothes she remember him wearing when they dated. Clothes she remembered wearing herself in bed with him.
"Come in." AJ shook her head after being in a small daze as he nodded, walking into the apartment as she closed the door behind him, "Through to the living room." AJ directed as Punk nodded.
He let her walk in first, following behind as he could see Thea was lying on a little mat on the floor with little toy animals hanging over her, attracting her little eyes. He was genuinely in awe that this little person was his.
"I… I bought her something." Punk turned to AJ, handing her the gift bag as AJ raised her eyebrows.
"You didn't have to." AJ shook her head.
"I want to." Punk said as AJ took the bag from him, looking inside and pulling out the onesies with skulls on them. She didn't let him see the smile on her face, sitting the bag over and folding her arms.
"Thank you." She nodded calmly.
"Not for you." Punk said childishly as she nodded "So she's like… she's just chilling out over there?" He nodded nervously as AJ looked at him. She could sense he was nervous. She knew it was because he cared.
"Yeah." AJ nodded, walking over to the mat.
Punk watched her pick Thea up into her arms softly, walking over to him.
"Uh… w-what are you doing?" He asked nervously.
"She's not gonna attack you." AJ said, "Hold your arms out." She said as Punk held his arms out straight as she scoffed, "Like this." She said, "Like you would hold a baby."
"I've never held a baby." Punk said as AJ nodded.
"Well now you're gonna." She said as Punk held his arms out, looking at the way her arms were and copying them, watching as AJ passed Thea over to him.
He couldn't really put into words how it felt holding his daughter. He didn't normally get speechless but he was definitely speechless. He never thought anything this small could mean so much.
AJ stepped back a little, watching as Punk stayed still with her in his arms. It was a sight she'd secretly longed to see since the minute she gave birth. After spending so much time with this man. Going from teens to adults, making mistakes, making memories, falling in love, all of it… nothing changed the fact he was the father of her baby, and nothing ever would.
"She's quiet." Punk smiled to himself, looking down at Thea as the baby girl looked up in. She was so peaceful in his arms, like she was enjoying being there.
"She's a good baby." AJ nodded, folding her arms and watching as Punk sat down on the couch with her in his arms.
"I'm just… I'm gonna get a drink." AJ said, but he wasn't listening, he was so distracted.
She backed up out of the living room, pausing and turning around as she watched him holding Thea. She'd made all these promises to not let him back into her life when he returned from prison, but she underestimated that sort of control she would need for that. She never wanted to deprive her daughter of all the good qualities he had, qualities that she knew would make him an amazing father.
"You look just like your mommy." Punk whispered, looking down at Thea, looking into her brown eyes. She was an adorable little bundle. Squishy little cheeks, the cutest little button nose and the fuzziest messy hair. She was perfect in every sense of the word, and he was taken back by the overwhelming feelings he had right now.
AJ returned back to the living room, seeing him sitting in the same position whilst Thea was smiling at him. She did have to admit, their daughter did enjoy charming people.
"She's… she's amazing." Punk shook his head in awe as AJ looked over at him, sitting down on the couch, "Is…. Is Thea short for something or is that just her name?" He asked her.
"That's just her name." AJ nodded, "Thea Mendez." She said as Punk nodded, "I thought it was a sweet name."
"It is." Punk said, "I love it." He nodded to her, "How big was she when she was born? And… And when is her birthday?" Punk asked, desperate to know.
"She was seven pounds exactly." AJ nodded, "And her birthday is October 16th." She smiled.
"Hey… that's ten days before mine." He pointed out excitedly as AJ nodded, "So we have the same birthday month, little one." He looked down at Thea, "Did you tell your parents?" He asked her as she shook her head.
"No. They left for Puerto Rico when I was just a few months pregnant." AJ said.
"They didn't tell you they were leaving?" Punk asked her.
"My brother came by to tell me." AJ nodded, "But he made it very clear that my mom and dad didn't want me coming with them." She said, "Which is only fair. I did spend the past four years running around with you." She shrugged, "They probably got into some trouble themselves and split."
"Sounds like your family." Punk nodded.
"Listen, I… I don't want you think because I'm letting you see Thea that… that my feelings about you are gonna change." She said, "You can be the best father in the world to her, but that doesn't change what you did to me."
"I get that." Punk assured her, "I just wanna be here for my daughter, and I appreciate you gaving me that chance." He nodded sincerely.
He wasn't trying to suck up to her. Or use his daughter to impress her. He knew she wasn't going to be won over so easily.
"And I'm only going to say this once." She made clear, looking across at him as he saw the chilling look on her face, "If you get involved with Rio again and you bring that sort of lifestyle into her life… I promise you, you will never see her again." AJ said as Punk looked across at her.
He could tell just by that statement, that she really did not trust him at all. That hurt the most.
"I would never put her in danger." Punk said.
"You said the same thing to me." AJ said, "You don't have to promise me, because I… I don't believe your promises. I'm just warning you. If you start any of that shit again, we're gone." She said as Punk nodded.
She had every right to be harsh after everything that happened.
"I won't ever put her in danger. Or you." Punk said, "You can believe me or not. But… I won't." He said as AJ nodded.
"I'm gonna make her bottle up." AJ stood up, "You can feed her." She said as Punk nodded, watching as she walked away out of the living room.
He began playing with Thea's hand, watching her look up at him. It was the warmest feeling he'd ever felt. He couldn't ignore the fact that his ex had put up an incredibly huge wall. One he wasn't sure he could even knock down.
