Hard To Admit
"What the fuck happened here?" Punk asked, walking into the living room and noticing the window was boarded up, turning around to AJ who was holding Thea.
"Oh, n-nothing. Just… stupid kids." AJ nodded as Punk shook his head.
"Someone did this?" Punk asked her, "Someone smashed your window in?"
"It was just kids. Someone will come fix it." AJ shrugged, trying to act calm around him.
"Yeah and what are they gonna want in exchange? The same as the water guy?" Punk questioned as AJ looked at him.
"It's really none of your business." AJ nodded.
"No, I tell you what… I'll get some of the guys down to fix it, from the construction site." Punk nodded to her.
"Phil-"
"No, that way you know it's gonna be fixed properly and it'll be free, you don't gotta worry about money." He nodded to her as AJ looked at him. She couldn't not take him up on that offer. She was desperate and it was taking a huge weight off her shoulders.
"Thank you." She said quietly as Punk nodded.
"I'll get them to come round tomorrow." He told her as AJ nodded, "Will you be in?"
"Yeah." AJ nodded, "Here, you take her." She said, passing Thea over to Punk.
"Hi." Punk smiled, "Hi, you." He stroked her cheek, walking over to the couch and taking a seat as AJ watched him. He was so good with Thea. So naturally good. She could tell by the way he held her, the way he looked at her, he had the hang of this and yet… she still felt like she was struggling as a new mom.
"You can stay for her bath if you like." AJ nodded as Punk looked up.
"Yeah?" Punk questioned as AJ nodded.
"She loves the bath." AJ smiled as Punk nodded, looking down at Thea.
"You love the bath, huh?" He asked, playing with her feet, pretending he was eating them, playing with her and getting her to smile as AJ watched him, "So when did his happen?" Punk asked, looking up at the boarded window.
"Just last night." AJ said, "I was in bed." She nodded, "I called the guy across the landing and he came in and boarded it up for me." She said as Punk nodded, looking down at Thea.
"Yeah, this place isn't how I really remembered it." Punk said.
"I had to sell a lot of our stuff to get things for Thea." AJ said, "All our stuff was bought with drug money anyway so…" She shrugged coldly as Punk looked over at her.
"Not all of it." Punk reminded her, "I did have a job-"
"That you got fired from." AJ nodded, "Yeah, I remember."
"So what did you sell?" Punk asked.
"Most things in here." AJ said, "The TV, the unit that used to sit over there, the coffee table… sold a lot of things in the kitchen too." She nodded, "Because I didn't know this… but babies? Quite expensive." She nodded, "Especially when you're alone."
"I hope you know that… had I not gone to prison, I would have been here, working it out with you, I would have got my shit together and I would have been here-"
Would have, should have." AJ nodded, "But I think you needed to go to prison to snap out of this. You weren't even listening to me anymore." She shrugged, "I told you from the beginning you would get caught and you did." She said.
"Now isn't the time to say I told you so. Trust me. I know what I did." Punk said as AJ nodded, looking over Thea who was playing with Punk's hand, "How did your pregnancy go? Were you ok?" He asked.
"Yeah, it was fine." AJ nodded. She could be civil to him. At first she thought she couldn't even be in the same room as him, but watching her with Thea was a therapy she didn't know she needed, "Walking up all those stairs when you're nine months pregnant is not fun, though." She said, "Neither was giving birth on my own." She shrugged, "But what are you gonna do?" She shrugged.
"I'm sorry." He nodded as she looked across at him.
"I'm gonna go get her bath ready." AJ said, leaving the living room whilst Punk sat back with Thea.
"Mmm… I'm gonna cum." AJ moaned, laying on her back in the motel bed, wrapping her arms around Punk's neck as he thrust into her whilst kissing her neck between whispering things in her ear which made her moan even louder.
"Tell me you want it." Punk whispered, thrusting into her whilst kissing her neck and throat as she rolled her head back.
"I want it." AJ moaned, clutching his shoulders and digging her nails into his skin as he smiled, "I want it." She begged, taking his hand and wrapping it around her throat.
"You're such a good girl." He smirked, kissing her on the mouth whilst keeping his hand around her neck as she kissed back.
"Take it." AJ moaned softly, "It's yours. It's all yours." She said, reaching her hand down and stroking herself as Punk watched.
He took her legs and put them over his shoulders as she smirked. He folded her up, leaning forward and thrusting into her as her mouth opened, moans trying to escape but her breath not allowing it.
"Fuck." AJ moaned loudly, "Fuck, that's deep." Her eyes widened every time he thrust inside her, "Fuck, you're gonna make me cum." She gripped his arms as he smirked and looked down at her.
She eventually found her release, her entire body pulsing with pleasure, "S-Slow… slow down." She moaned, twitching a little as he slowed down as she asked, thrusting slowly back and forth as he leaned down, capturing her lips with his as she kissed back.
Once she found herself again after getting lost in the pleasure, he stood up, pulling her by the hand off the bed as she smiled, immediately crouching to her knees and taking him into her mouth. She let him use her mouth, thrusting in and out as he gripped her hair. She liked the feeling of giving herself to him. It turned her on and she gained her own pleasure from it.
"Fuck, I'm gonna cum." Punk moaned, pulling out of her mouth as she used her hand on him, stroking him up and down as he eventually came over her face, groaning quietly with every drop as she smiled up at him, cupping her breasts whilst she looked up at him, "Fuck." Punk laughed, "You got a little something on your face." He pointed as she smirked, lying down on the floor as he lay back down on the bed.
She eventually stood up and wandered through to the bathroom to clean herself up, emerging back into the room naked and making her way over to the bed. She grabbed a cigarette from the box Dean had gotten and lit one up.
"I thought you were gonna stop that." He whispered as she lay down against him.
"I will." AJ promised, "One every now and then doesn't hurt." She said as he nodded, "It's a wonder how you don't cave into drugs or alcohol."
"I don't need it." Punk said.
"Neither do I." AJ shrugged. Neither of them had intoxicated themselves or been on drugs before. It was rare, especially with how they lived. But they were able to resist. Their drug was each other for sure. They needed that, "This is just a pick me up." AJ assured him, puffing on the cigarette as Punk smiled.
"You're your own person. You do what you like." Punk whispered as she smiled.
"I know." AJ nodded as he turned to her. She took his hand, putting it between her legs as he smiled.
He parted her folds, stroking her clit as AJ rolled her eyes, taking a drag of the cigarette and closing her eyes as she exhaled.
He kissed down her body, positioning his face between her legs as he began using his tongue on her, eating her like she was his last meal as she moaned out, looking down at him with his mouth buried into her.
"Fuck, baby." AJ moaned, taking another drag and rolling her head back, tapping the cigarette over the ash tray on the side table where she saw their very little money running out.
"Damn, she really likes the bath, huh?" Punk laughed, standing in the bedroom with AJ, having just gotten Thea out from the bath. She was crying as soon as he lifted her from the tub, but AJ assured him she did it every time the bath was over.
"It's her favourite thing." AJ nodded, watching as Punk tried to put her diaper on, noticing he was struggling. The only reason he seemed to be struggling, was because he was handling her like she was glass, like he was afraid she would break.
"Is this on the right way?" Punk wondered.
"Yeah, just seal it over." AJ pointed as Punk nodded.
He appreciated her not judging him for not having a clue what he was doing. She was extremely helpful when he was bathing her, telling him how to hold Thea and what soaps to use for her skin. She wasn't patronising him, she was just helping him out and he appreciated that.
"And now what? Just the onesie?" He asked.
"Yeah." AJ nodded. She hated feeling like she was supervising him, but she just wanted to make sure he wasn't stuck, "She is a wriggler so these can be tough." She nodded.
"Ok, just stay still for me." Punk nodded to Thea as AJ smiled a little.
She watched as her got her legs into the onesie, and then struggled a little with her arms. But she knew he was a determined person. He didn't give up and he definitely didn't ask her for help. He eventually got her arms into the onesie and smiled with triumph as he began doing the buttons.
"There." Punk smiled, "That wasn't so hard." He said, taking her hands, "That wasn't so hard, huh?" He said in a funny voice, leaning down and kissing her noise as AJ watched, "That's on right… isn't it?" Punk looked at the onesie.
"Yeah, that's it." AJ nodded to him, "You can… you can stay and put her to bed. She has another bottle and then she goes down." She said as Punk turned to her.
He'd already been over at the apartment for quite some time, he was surprised he was getting an invite to stay longer.
"You sure?" Punk asked her as AJ nodded.
"Well… if you want to." AJ said.
"Yeah, of course I do." Punk nodded.
"I normally feed her in here and then put her down." AJ said, "So I'll go make the bottle and bring it in." She told him as Punk nodded.
"Ok, sure." He said, watching her walk away as he took a seat on the bed, lifting Thea up into his arms, "Thanks for taking it easy on me, kid." He whispered, looking down at her. She was the most beautiful little thing in the whole world. And she was so content and happy, "I'm sorry I wasn't here from the get go." He nodded, "I should have been." He said, taking her hand in his, "Daddy's really sorry. He made a lot of mistakes. A lot." He said, "But he's gonna do better, he's gonna do better for you and for mommy." He nodded, stroking her cheek lovingly, "Man, I love you." Punk shook his head with amazement.
He never thought he could love something so small and delicate, but he did. She had his heart already. He knew he'd do absolutely anything for her. Anything.
AJ eventually returned to the bedroom with a bottle, passing it over to Punk, "She likes to have her hand under your armpit." AJ said, "It's how she falls asleep." AJ told him.
"Oh… ok." Punk nodded, lifting his arm a little as Thea snuck her little hand under, causing Punk to smile, "She's a sweetheart." He shook his head as AJ nodded with a smile.
"She'll have half and then pass out." AJ nodded, "As soon as you see her eyes going, just gently take the bottle away, slowly." AJ advised, "Or she'll start screaming."
"So she's like her mom when her food gets taken away from her." Punk smiled up at AJ who half smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, maybe she is." AJ nodded, "Look, I hope you don't think I'm trying to supervise you or tell you what to do here-"
"Hey, tell me everything." Punk nodded sincerely, "I need to know. I need to know my daughter." He said, "And you know a hell of a lot more than me." He said as AJ nodded.
It didn't take long until Thea fell asleep. Punk slowly took the bottle from her and gave it to AJ. He then stood up and walked over to the crib at the bottom of AJ's bed, slowly and gently putting her down in it as he smiled.
"And she'll just sleep until morning now?" Punk asked AJ who nodded.
"Yeah, usually." AJ nodded, watching as Punk looked down at Thea, smiling to himself, "So… when should I expect your work people coming to fix the window?" AJ asked him, heading out of the room as Punk followed her.
"Tomorrow, probably after five." Punk nodded, "I'm working all day so… I probably won't get over to see Thea tomorrow." He said as AJ nodded.
"That's ok." AJ said, "Are you… are you liking the job?" She asked, attempting to have one normal conversation, attempting to pretend like nothing had happened.
"It's ok, yeah." Punk nodded, "It's good people, not bad pay, out in the fresh air all day." He nodded as AJ smiled.
"Lucky you." She nodded as he looked down at her, "You should probably get going then." She said as Punk nodded.
"Right." Punk nodded, "Well thanks again-"
"Please stop thanking me." AJ nodded.
"Well I just appreciate this. A lot." Punk said as she nodded.
"I'll see you soon." AJ said as Punk nodded.
"Yeah, ok." He said, walking to the door and leaving the apartment as AJ watched the door close over.
It was so difficult to stay mad at him, but she knew it would be even more difficult to trust him again after everything that happened. She couldn't live in that danger again. She couldn't have her daughter live in that danger. She promised herself she wouldn't trust anyone but herself after everything. It just hurt to remember the love they had.
