Lost
AJ was on her own at the motel. She'd ordered the cheapest take-out she could find near-by and was sitting on the bed watching TV. Simple things like a bad, like warm water and warm food, was everything to them.
After growing up in such poor conditions, she always thought she was the only one in the world who was going through hardship and pain, and then she met her friends… then she met him. And they created a world where they turned those hardships into fun, into family, into love. She didn't know where she would be without them.
She sat on the bed, chowing down the pizza she'd gotten, being considerate enough to leave some for the boys when they got home in the morning. Normally the jobs Rio had them do lasted the full night, where they would return in the morning with a bag of cash for themselves. It was hard not to get excited about the money when they had so little.
She was watching some ridiculous sit com, cherishing the TV time she had when she suddenly saw blue flashing lights pulling up.
"You've got to be kidding me." AJ slid off the bed and ran over to the window, wearing nothing but one of her boyfriend's t-shirts, "Shit." She whispered to herself, pulling open the curtain a little and peeking out where she saw a lot of cop cars pulling up outside.
She quickly ran over to her backpack, emptying it and grabbing all the things she had stolen, running into the bathroom and pulling the toilet out, stuffing everything into the top of the toilet before closing the lid back over.
She ran back out into the room and over to the window again, dreading to hear that loud knock on the door, watching out the window with her heart beating so rapidly.
She gave it another five minutes before leaving the room, opening up the door and stepping out onto the strip, looking down at people gathered at a door. She walked down the motel, making her way over to the crowded people as she asked a woman what was going on.
"What happened?" AJ asked.
"Suspected overdose." The woman nodded.
"Suicide." Someone else called as AJ listened to all the different assumptions people were already making.
She then watched as a body bag was pulled from the room in a gurney. She remembered speaking to the woman from the room the other day. It definitely scared her.
"Wake up." Punk whispered, leaning over AJ, kissing her on the cheek as AJ slowly opened her eyes the next morning, "Hey." He smiled.
"Hey." AJ smiled with relief, sitting up and wrapping her arms around him tightly, "Did you get it?" AJ asked him as he nodded.
"What the hell happened here last night? Couple doors down is taped off." Punk noticed whilst walking over and grabbing a large bag.
"The girl died. I heard all different stories." AJ shrugged, "I think she committed suicide." She nodded.
"Shit." Punk sighed as AJ nodded.
"How much did you get?" AJ asked him as he tossed the bag over onto the bed, unzipping it as AJ looked on, "Wow." AJ raised her eyebrows, "This seems like… more than usual." She said as Punk nodded.
"That's because it is." Punk smiled.
"How the hell did you end up with more?" AJ shook her head.
"Rio upped our price." Punk shrugged as AJ smiled with amazement.
"Holy shit." AJ smiled. She didn't want to question why the price was upped because she knew the answer would worry her, so she blocked that out.
"I started looking at apartment listings in the paper." Punk nodded as AJ smiled.
"Oh my God." AJ squealed, jumping off the bed and running around the room with excitement as Punk chuckled, "Can you imagine?" AJ collapsed on the floor with laughter, "Our own place?" She placed her hand on her chest as Punk looked over at her with a smile.
"I can imagine it." Punk nodded. It was all he imagined. A place of their own, where it was just the two of them in their own private world. To him it didn't matter where the money came from, as long as he had her, he didn't care. That was the trouble of his mind.
"No more moving around." AJ thought to herself, sitting up on the floor and looking over at him as he smiled cockily, "What are you smirking about over there?" She stood up, walking over to the bed and crawling back onto it.
"Just thinking about all the fun we're gonna have." Punk smirked.
"What kind of fun?" She whispered, pushing him down on the bed as he chuckled, watching her straddle his hips as he looked up at her.
"I haven't slept in twenty four hours." He said as she smiled.
"Then I'll help you drift off." AJ whispered, leaning forward and kissing him passionately. She was high on their love at all times, and so was he.
"Ok, this is ready to go." Punk passed the bottle of formula to AJ, watching her as she squirted some on her wrist for some reason.
"Oh my gosh, Phil. That's boiling hot." AJ scolded as Punk looked at her with confusion.
"Well yeah… it's warm milk, right? That's what she has?" Punk questioned, "Why'd you put it on your wrist?"
"It needs cooled." AJ shook her head, "You test the milk on your wrist. It should feel just a little warm. Like room temperature." AJ said, "This would burn her."
"I… I didn't know." Punk shook his head. Sometimes he thought he was doing good, and then something like this happens.
"No… no, it's ok." AJ calmed down, "You didn't know." AJ shook her head, "We can just let it cool." AJ nodded calmly, "I should have said." She realised, "I… I went to classes for all of this so… I don't expect you to know anything."
"Classes?" Punk questioned as AJ nodded.
He'd come over straight from work and was a little early, which meant Thea was still asleep having a nap, hence why he was attempting to get her bottle ready for her waking.
"Yeah. Parenting classes." AJ said, "I was the youngest there. And the dumbest." She nodded.
"I'm sure that's not true." Punk said, "Nobody knows what they're doing when it comes to parenting." He shrugged.
"Yeah, maybe." AJ nodded, standing in the kitchen as an awkward silence fell over the place. She didn't really know what to say to him. She didn't want to open up conversations with him in the fear that she would open up too much. She didn't want to open up.
"So…" Punk said awkwardly as she nodded along, more silence filling the kitchen as Punk looked around. He didn't want to start up much conversation with him, because he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
"You're living with Dean?" AJ asked.
"Yes." Punk said immediately, glad to break the silence, "And I'm working with him."
"Wow, that's a lot of Dean." AJ raised her eyebrows as Punk nodded.
"You'd be surprised actually. I don't see him that much." Punk admitted.
"I assume he visited you in prison?" AJ asked him.
"Yeah, every week." Punk nodded, "You know, I worried about him but… I think me going to prison done us both a favour. He's grew up a lot. Got a good head on his shoulders. And he actually… gives good advice now. Who would have thought?" He said as AJ smiled a little.
"And what sort of advice is he giving you?" She asked curiously.
"Just… how to pick my life up again after the mess I left it in." Punk nodded, "How to deal with practically ruining everything I had with you." He said as AJ looked at him.
"And what's his advice on that?" AJ wondered.
"Just give it time." Punk said as AJ looked at him.
"Time?" AJ asked, "You think that's gonna fix things? I've had time, Phil. A whole year of it. On my own." She said, "I don't need any more time."
"I'm here now." Punk said, "It's different."
"It's not really." AJ shrugged, even though she knew it was, "I don't think you have quite understood how much you hurt me." She shook her head, "You were all I had. All I trusted." She said, "And I tried to help you, I warned you that you were going to end up in prison. You chose to ignore me. I tell you I'm having your baby and you slept with someone else-"
"You know… you bring that up and you forget to mention every time that you broke up with me. You called it off. You told me it was over-"
"I thought it would snap you out of it. I thought if you realised you were gonna lose me and your baby then you'd get yourself together and instead you headed to Rio's, you got with some junkie in our bed and then two days later you got arrested and imprisoned." AJ said, "You didn't care."
"Do you really think that? Do you really think I didn't care? Even when we spent four years together, running, hiding, spending every day with each other." He said, "You're the only thing I ever cared about, and you know fine well that's the truth."
"Then you should have treated me like I was the only thing you cared about." AJ said as Punk nodded.
"You're right. I should have." Punk nodded.
"Have you spoken to Rio since you got out?" AJ asked him.
"No, of course I haven't. And I don't plan to." Punk said, "I'm holding down this job and I'm… I'm being there for my daughter." He said, "I get paid in two weeks so I was thinking… I could take her out for the day or something, you could come, get out of here for a bit, get some fresh air-"
"No." AJ shook her head as Punk looked at her.
"You gotta get out of this apartment, April. From time to time." Punk said, "We could take her to the park, she'd love the swings-"
"She's three months old." AJ scoffed.
"I'd sit her on my knee, obviously." Punk rolled his eyes, "Come on, if there's anywhere we know, it's outside." He said.
"No, she has a routine. I have a routine-"
"Of what? Staying in here all day? Every day?" Punk questioned, "You're gonna go stir crazy."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" AJ shook her head, "You think you can come on in and tell me how to live my life? You of all people?"
"It was just a suggestion." Punk put his hands up.
"No it was judgement." AJ spat.
"It's worry, actually." Punk said, "I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine, Phil. Trust me." AJ rolled her eyes, "You don't get to just come in and make plans with Thea like you've been here the whole time." She said as Punk looked at her. He felt like she was just being mad at him because it was easier than to show how much she still missed him.
"Ok ok." Punk nodded calmly.
"I think you should just go." AJ shook her head.
"What?" Punk looked at her, "I wanna see Thea."
"You can come by tomorrow." AJ said, "I want you to leave." She nodded as Punk sighed.
"Fine." Punk nodded, "You gotta open up to me at some point, April."
"I don't have to do shit." AJ shook her head, "Get out." She spat as Punk walked out of the kitchen and left the apartment.
She turned into the kitchen counter, leaning over it and sighing to herself. She felt so lost within herself. She used to have things so figured out and now she just felt lost.
