Chapter 10 : Dreams

Captains Quarters: 22:50 hours

Slowly Tali's sobs lessened. For now Shepard just held her, letting her have her release. If she had been any other woman he could have kissed her or stroked her cheek to help him soothe her, help ease the emotions running through her. But he could not, for now he just comforted her with soft words of caring and hugs and gentle stroking on her back.

Words like "It's all right", "I'm right here", "I'll never leave you" and other such things that were meant to comfort were all he could think to say. He had felt Tali's hug tighten when he had mentioned never leaving but she said nothing, just quietly cried into his shoulder. He never once thought of removing her mask though, would not risk her just to make it easier for him.

As her crying slowed he felt her arms loosen their grip, easing the burning pain in his side and a soft hiss escapes his lips. Tali immediately removes her arms saying "John, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. Did I hurt you more?"

Chuckling at first he says in a serious tone "No, you could never hurt me."

Tali was surprised just how much emotion he could put into so few words. It also reminded her of the one thing she needed to explain to him. Looking him in the eyes she softly says "John, a...there's something I need to tell you." Seeing the concerned look that flashed into his eyes she continues quickly "no, nothing bad, at..at least I don't see it as bad." Her hands began their intimate dance with each other as she finishes "But it does concern me, u..us and I really need to tell you."

Concern had jolted him, fear had struck for a second but her words eased his mind. Stilling her writhing hands with his he looks into her eyes and smiles. "Tali, you never need to be nervous talking to me." Knowing the bed is not the place for a conversation right now he gently guides her to the sofa and sits beside her, her hands still in his. "What ever you need to say you can, I'm not going to run away from you."

Starting she explains "John, please forgive me for not removing my mask but I'm still fighting an infection from when we...we, well you know" she finishes shyly. Seeing his worried look she says "Oh, don't worry. It's actually light. Just a little coughing, mild fever and I think something moved into my sinuses but it will clear up soon."

"Tali, I'm sorry. I should not have..." he started to say.

Tali's hand quickly shot up to his mouth, a single finger pressed lightly against his lips hushing him. "John, I would not trade how I feel right now for anything in the galaxy. What we did was so totally worth it." her voice taking on a slightly playful tone then going dead serious said "It was worth any price to me."

Shepard reaches up and takes her hand once more in his, lowering it to his lap. A smile had replaced the frown on his lips as he just looked at her. "Was this what you needed to talk about? How sick being with me had made you?" He was a bit confused, she seemed so worried just before but it didn't sound like the illness was anywhere near as bad as it could have been. He just watches her for a minute realizing she is not done.

Keelah this is hard, how do I even start she thinks to herself. Glancing at John she see's him patiently waiting for her to speak. "You" she starts "you know so little of the quarian race, of my people. Of our ways, our beliefs, my beliefs. We've talked so much in the time we have known each other but never about specifics, just generalizations of our culture and way of life."

"Tali" he asks "did I, we break some kind of taboo? Are you worried the fleet will punish you?" He asks gently.

"No, nothing like that. I'm sorry John, I'm having trouble saying what I want, what I need to tell you." She looks down at her hands in his. Turning them over she gently squeezed his hand before looking up.

Speaking softly he says "No matter what you say I will be here, I'm not leaving Tali." He realizes that just those words 'not leaving' have a strange calming effect on her.

Knowing she can't continue skirting the issue she draws a deep breath and looks directly at him "My people, we." she falters but does not stop "You know already that we choose someone to, um for humans it's like marriage but that's only a close approximation of what quarians do. Before the ceremonies and the symbolic linking of suits we have already joined but on a deeper level." Okay, he needs to know just what he is to you she thinks to herself. "John, before any ceremony which makes it official, the two quarians have already become lifemates."

His eyes widen slightly as she mentions marriage and lifemates but keeps any surprise out of his voice when he asks "Are you saying that we are now married?"

Shocked Tali responds "Oh no, no that's not what I meant." Calming from her initial reaction she continues "Well, not..not you...um Ancestors please help me" she exclaims shakely. "Damn this mask" she says as she quickly reaches up and releases the clamps. Dropping it onto the table she looks at him with a worried look on her face. "Sorry, I just can't say this through that damned visor."

"When it's two quarians, by the time they actually express their feelings they already know through other signs, body language, expressions. They know they are meant to be together, that they must be together. The 'linking of suits' just adds the physical aspect to the bonding. The real bond is already there, unbreakable even through death. Its a deeply spiritual bond that we have and it's a very real, tangible connection."

"But you can't know, we never discussed how we 'marry' someone. John, when I came here before the relay I already knew you were my lifemate. The person I was meant to have by my side all my life. I..I never meant...I didn't think it could happen with a human, with you but it did." There, she said it. She laid her soul open to him.

Lifemate? Shepard thought to himself. I never realized quarians bonded like that, so deeply. He was also shocked. Tali had just told him that she loved him, said that she would never leave, almost that she could never leave him. He also realized that although he didn't feel the connection the way she said she does it was there none the less.

Tali watched his face, the play of emotions that ran across it especially in his eyes. They always showed her his feelings. He wasn't yelling, pacing, running away or telling her to leave so she could bear the silence as he thought about what she said. She was afraid, of that there was no doubt but if she didn't find out now how he truly felt she wouldn't be able to keep going.

"Tali" he starts softly "I honestly don't know what this means to you, what this connection feels like. I do know what you mean to me." Looking at her beautiful eyes he says as lovingly as he can "You mean everything to me. I would be lost without you by my side." Sliding over on the couch so he could wrap his arm around her he takes her left hand, raising it gently to his lips and kisses it before looking back into her eyes.

Her heart felt like it would explode it was beating so fast. She heard his words, knew them to be true. Her body trembled as he moved closer, embraced her and sweetly kissed her hand. He may not experience the connection but in his own, human, way he knew how it felt. More tears of happiness started to fall, slowly, softly down her cheeks.

Seeing the tears he reaches up and softly wipes them away, stroking her cheeks ever so lightly. "I knew I loved you before the relay, knew it before I even told you I cared. Each time you tried to deflect my feelings for you it only made me love you more." Still gently stroking her cheek even though the tears had stopped he said "When you were sliding down the platform I knew I would rather follow you than live another moment without you."

A shiver ran through her as she remembered the platform, all she could do was look into his eyes as she slid. There she stopped, she didn't need to think about that, he had caught her and she was now in his arms. That was all that mattered.

Looking down at Tali he asks quietly "So Tali, just how do quarians ask for anothers hand in marriage?"

The question caught her off guard, her eyes locked onto his as the biggist smile she ever had grew on her face. "You, you just did!" she says, her excitement pouring out of her. Pulling him to her, their mouths locked in a passionate kiss.

Slowly breaking the kiss he chuckles at her and says "I guess that's a yes?"

"Oh yes John, yes" she says dreamy eyed. Blushing alittle she continues "Um, I do have my bag right here, I can get the anti-biotics so we can.." she lets the statement hang in the air.

"Tali, your already going to be sick due to your mask already. Take the medication because you need it but tonight I think I just want to hold you in my arms and know you will be there in the morning. Your still sick from before and I will not take a chance like that for something that can wait."

She knows he is right, the medication has already worn off from before. Taking her mask off tonight has only made things worse and she needs to let it clear before anything more intimate occurs. Her blush deepening as she thinks this. She kisses him once more, just as long and passionate as before then takes the mask from his hands and reseats it.

"Its been along hard day Tali and I can hear the exhaustion in your voice no matter what you may want to do. I know it's going to be hard to sleep tonight, well difficult for me at least after all this but we need some rest Tali." Standing up he reaches for her hand and draws her to him. Touching his forehead to her helmet, eyes only inches away he says "Come lifemate, let us retire for the day."

Tali moves to her bag for an injection as Shepard addresses EDI. "EDI, better make that wakeup call for 08:30 hours and that means even for Tali. No disturbances unless it's an emergency. Oh and please tell Miranda about the time as well."

EDI replies "Understood Commander."

Laying down Shepard looks at Tali and says "And tonight, NO sneaking out to work on the engines. Captains orders."

Tali says not a word but slides up next to him as his arm drapes over her. She has never felt as peaceful as she does now. Closing her eyes she quickly falls asleep and dreams of her future. Shepard is not far behind her.