Chapter 78

Alex woke up the next morning not feeling like she's in charge of any emotions her body is going through. The only reason she slept til 10AM was because she took two sleeping tablets the previous night when she came back. If it wasn't for the medication she wouldn't have been able to sleep.

She took a shower and looked around in the fridge for something to eat when she remembered she never went to a shop to buy something and only took her daughter's stuff when she left home. Also trying to track how much diapers and formula Phoebe still has and that she needs to stock up on some. With that goal in mind for the day she headed the grocery store to buy the items. It was Sunday morning and the store was relatively empty which Alex was grateful for, no one bumping into her or long lines at the check-out.

She entered the shop and got a cart pushing it through the aisles absentmindedly putting stuff in that comes to mind or that she thinks is comfort food, when she heard a familiar voice in front of her, talking to another woman. The familiar voice and the blonde hair that must be the receptionist at work. She slacked down in the aisle, her loose hair falling over her shoulders and turned her back so they won't notice her and pretended to be looking at things on the shelf far away from them but close enough to be hearing their conversation.

"I swear nothing happened he basically wanted to throw me out of his office. Kept saying he is married and he's not interested. But then Alex entered and it looked awesome. Like it looked like we did something since my blouse was open and I held his hand. She stormed out." The blonde laughed as she retold the story to her friend.

"And in that whole sentence nothing sounds wrong to you? The fact that he told you he's married?" The other woman asked.

"Ryan Booth is really good looking. I mean if he and his wife are done after this, where nothing even happened then I sure as hell will make my move." Roxanne stated.

"You're terrible." Her friends said as they walked further down the aisle and disappeared around the corner.

Alex stood there like a statue not knowing what to say or what to think of this woman. She turned around as they were turning the corner and left the cart and in the aisle and walked out of the store, getting into her car. She got out her cellphone and dialed Ryan's number but he didn't pick up, it went straight to voice mail.

"Now you've messed everything up." She whispered to herself as her vision started to blur and she rests her head against the steering wheel, tears running down her face. "I'm so sorry." She said softly to no one in particular, since the person who she had to tell those words to weren't answering her calls. All this time she blamed him, not even allowing Ryan to defend himself, she only believed what she saw and it wasn't even true.

With blurred vision she left the parking lot and drove the familiar route to her house, hoping her husband would be home. The closer she got to home the more her heart started to race, not knowing what to expect or how to start this conversation. She pulled up in front of the house and unlocked the front door, walking into the lounge she saw the empty whiskey and beer bottle and pizza box with two slices of old pizza left, scattered on the floor and on the coffee table. Ryan no where in sight.

She took a few more steps to inspect it more closely when he appeared on the stairs, grey slacks and a black t shirt smelling like his shower gel. Looking like someone who barely slept again last night and he hasn't shaved in a few days since his beard started to grow out. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her standing there.

"Alex. Sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting you to be home." He apologized when he noticed her. She looked fragile, not like he's used to seeing his wife. Her eyes red and puffy like someone who were crying recently.

"Is this what you've been doing whole weekend?" She asked pointing to the cluttered coffee table filled with empty alcohol bottles. "Yeah, pretty much." He nodded rubbing the back of his head. She didn't say anything she felt awkward and uncomfortable in her own home. "Where's Phoebe?" he asked when noticed she wasn't with her mother and if this was the case then she's not here to stay then she's leaving him again. Good thing he didn't finish that whiskey last night seems like he might need it again tonight, he thought.

"She slept over at Shelby's last night." She answered quickly and he nodded not knowing what that statement meant or how it will ease the questions running through his mind. "Ryan, I'm sorry." She started not wanting to delay this conversation any longer. "I've been to the shop and Roxanne were there and I overheard her talk to someone and…." She took a deep breath when she felt her voice get shaky.

"And she said that nothing happened but the way I've reacted was what she'd wanted. And that you told her she's being inappropriate and that she should leave your office." She continued seeing Ryan come down the stairs slowly walking over to the kitchen, not saying anything.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Alex. If you'd just given me a chance to say it." He said facing her. "I know what it might have looked like, but nothing happened."

"And why would you think that I'd go around and cheat on you? If I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't have asked you to marry me." Ryan answered his voice louder than he expected it to be and he saw Alex's face cringe as she bit her bottom lip and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

"So basically you're saying that you don't trust me? That you had to hear her say it before you believed that I was telling the truth?" He asked softer hurt and disbelief evident in his voice.

"I do trust you! And I love you!" Alex sobbed her voice husky with emotion as she's looking at him, they're in the same room and yet she's never felt her heart break as it did now. They've had their share of arguments but this is by far the worst. It felt as if there was a barrier between them that they can't get through.

"I've had my share of failed relationships, and people who've hurt me in the past. I get that I'm hard headed sometimes, but that's because I'm trying to avoid getting hurt." She told him and leaned against the kitchen counter.

"Damnit Alex, I am not gonna hurt you!" Ryan yelled hands flailing.

"Stop yelling at me, why are you yelling!?" She cried feeling like they're drifting further apart, she walked over to sit on the couch amongst the rubble of glass head in her hands. Still crying.

"Ryan, you're the only relationship I've been in where you didn't bail on me when things got difficult. I've shared things with you that I haven't shared with anyone and I know sometimes I'm not the easiest person to be around with. But I'm not ready to give up on us." She said softly looking towards him.

"Have I ever given you any reason to doubt me? I know what it feels like to have people walk out on you, I'm not doing that with you. The day we got married I promised you that I'd be there no matter what, and I'm keeping that promise. Alex, I'm not going anywhere." He told her.

"And no marriage is always smooth sailing. This thing is not going to break us. I'm pretty sure it'll only make us stronger." He walked over towards her, taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"But in marriage people trust each other and what I've portrayed this past couple of days was the opposite. I'm sorry if I've came across as the jealous wife, that was not my intention. I didn't mean to keep Phoebe away from you to try and punish you, I don't even have a reason for why I did it. Please forgive me." She asked looking at the floor feeling too guilty to look him in the eyes.

"Hey, look at me." He said rubbing her knee and she turned her head to look at him. "You don't have to ask forgiveness for any of this." Ryan answered honestly but she shook her head to indicate that she doesn't agree with him.

"C'mere. It's all right" He whispered when she let her head fall back into her hands and started sobbing. He pulled her closer to him and she buried her face in his chest, taking fistfuls of the black fabric as he held her close while she cried. "We're gonna be okay sweetheart. I promise." He kissed the top of her head not letting go of his tight hold on her. "I love you." He whispered in her ear reassuring her that even this rough patch that they're going through now, doesn't shake the love he has for his wife, and she needed to hear that.

After some time she pulled away and wiped her tear stained face with her hands, taking a deep breathe. They're still not where she wants them to be but this is the most progress that they've made since Friday and for that she's grateful.

"You okay?" Ryan asked running a hand through her hair massaging her scalp as she laid back against his shoulder. "Yeah. Thank you." She nodded smiling up at him slightly.

"Babe?" Alex said softly after the two of them sat in comfortable silence.

"Hhhmmm?"

"You're gonna have to clean this up at some point." She looked at the living room. Sad to see what her husband had turned to for comfort since she shut him out. "Have you eaten at all? Besides day old leftover pizza?" She asked and he shook his head.

"Not really. It's kind of embarrassing seeing all these empty bottles now. Tried to numb the pain but it didn't really work. Caused more pain waking up with a hangover the next day." He realized that it didn't really work. Alex squeezed his hand and then got up.

"Wh…where're you going?" Ryan panicked when she got up, all kinds of negativity running through his head again. "I'm going to collect our stuff at the apartment and get Phoebe." She explained seeing the look of worry in his eyes.

"Are you guys coming home tonight?" He couldn't control the smile forming on his face. "Yeah. We're coming home." Alex smiled back and walked out the door to get her daughter. Leaving her bag and cellphone there to show him she means it.

Surprised to see it was 12:15PM she thought it was much later in the day. Feeling like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, now is the first time she's realizing how tired she really is. Hoping Shelby and Caleb tired Phoebe out enough that she'll be willing to take a nap when they get home.

"What are you doing here? Did you forget something?" Caleb asked when he opened the door with Phoebe on his arm. The baby smiling when she saw her mother. "Yeah, my daughter last time I checked." Alex laughed extending her arms but Phoebe not showing any sign of wanting to come to her mother.

"Phoebe Grace, come let's go home." Alex tried again but the baby was in no hurry to get out of Caleb's arms. "Fine then." Alex said and walked over to the kitchen to see her friend. "Hey weirdo." Shelby greeted smiling as she stood behind the stove cooking lunch. "Whatever." Alex greeted giving her a hug.

"Oooohhh chocolate! I haven't eaten all day so this is good." She said opening the bar of chocolate that was on the counter. "I thought by now you'd be cooking up a storm for lunch." Shelby said looking over at her friend. "Clearly I'm not. " Alex laughed amused. "Thank you for looking after my baby, we have to get going now." Alex said getting up after she finished her chocolate. "Just eats and then she leaves." Shelby commented. "If that was supposed to be hurtful it didn't work." Alex called over her shoulder hearing her friend laugh as she got Phoebe's bag. "Thank you guys." Alex greeted as she and Phoebe went their way.

Ryan cleaned up when Alex left and ordered Chinese takeout since he knew neither of them would feel like cooking right now. And that way they can spend their Sunday afternoon together as a family something he missed this weekend. When he heard her car pull up he had no idea how to contain himself knowing he's about to see his daughter and wife walk through the front door any second. He set the garbage out the back and when he came into the living room Alex set down Phoebe's bag on the couch and she smiled up at her father's face.

"Hey Pheebs, I missed you." He greeted walking over to her as her little body squirmed to get out of her mother's hold and into her father's. "How are you doing?" He asked showering her with kisses. Alex allowed the two of them to spent some time together as she unpacked their stuff and sorted some of them into the laundry basket. When she came downstairs Ryan and Phoebe was still deep into their conversation and she was grateful for the take out boxes in the kitchen since she wasn't in the mood to cook Sunday lunch.

They ate together on the couch watching an old rerun of The Weakest Link testing their own general knowledge as the show went on. After eating all three of them felt the same kind of tiredness that this weekend had on them as Phoebe drifted to sleep after her bottle. Ryan went upstairs with her as Alex discarded the empty packaging. Walking upstairs to take a nap with her husband and daughter.

Phoebe laid on her tummy on Ryan's chest and he was rubbing a hand over her curly hair the other hand resting on her back to keep her from rolling off. Alex watched them from the door for a while smiling to herself before she walked into the room getting onto her side of the bed.

"I can put her in the crib if you want." She offered as she laid down on her side staring at Phoebe too.

"No, I need her to stay here. Both of you. I missed you guys." Ryan said looking up into his wife's eyes.

"We're not going anywhere. I promise. " Alex smiled stroking his bearded cheek lightly with her finger tip.

I really enjoyed writing this, I have no idea how it ended up being six pages. This is the emotional side of Alex I wanted to portray and feel much better about this chapter than the previous one. Hope you enjoy and give me your thoughts and suggestions on this one. Lovies-S