Promise to Love Me, Even When You Hate Me.
Chapter 9.
Mike turned from the console hearing Dutchy come up the stairs.
"Do I blame you for the X's current state?"
Dutchy's face morphed into an innocent looking child's in an attempt to defect the blame.
"Me? Boss, c'mon... clearly it was Charge's doing!"
Mike shook his head trying to contain his smile.
"Is she okay?"
"I think she just needs some sleep, I've sent her to bed."
"Okay, well, we're steaming towards Samaru, it'll be a few hours before we get there. If we run into any FFV's you can lead the boardings..."
The morning was uneventful much to Kate's relief, a few hours later she had managed to get some sleep and felt semi refreshed. She knocked on Mike's cabin door and sheepishly poked her head in.
"Sir?"
"Yes, X?"
She walked into the cabin and shut the door, standing above his desk she cleared her throat.
"Ah, I'd just like to apologise for this morning, Sir."
"It's okay, X…"
He gestured for her to take a seat, she sat awkwardly on his rack.
"We weren't scheduled to sail, and while I'm not going to give you the lecture about being prepared, I will just warn you that drinking more than 5 Guava Mojo's will put the best of us in a comatose state."
"Well, thanks, but I could have done with that warning last night, but I think I've learned my lesson."
"I'm just glad you're making an effort with the crew."
"Yeah, they're not so bad!"
"So, umm, Samaru, have you heard of it?"
"Yeah, I've heard it mentioned once or twice."
"Well, hopefully it's not too bad this time. In the past there have been some locals not to happy with our presence, but we're there to keep the peace. We'll be there in about an hour..."
She gave him a nod and exited his cabin, she headed for the bridge. As she ascended the stairs she was greeted by a round of applause, Charge patted her on the back while letting out a chuckle.
"She lives!"
Kate scoffed and playfully shoved him back.
"Yeah, no thanks to you!"
"Hey, you said they were tasty! I wasn't going to stop you enjoying yourself!"
The Hammersley docked at Samaru and the crew were divided into teams to patrol the area around the village.
2Dads and Dutchy walked along the southern boarder, 2Dads kicked a stone along the dirt track trying to think of a way to bring up the hundreds of questions he had about the X's new found friendliness.
"So, the X, she umm, she seems to have thawed..."
2Dads kicked the rock into Dutchy's path, he shrugged and kicked the rock back in 2Dads direction.
"Yeah, kinda."
"What do you mean kinda, you saw her last night...I'm pretty sure we have you to thank."
2Dads kicked the rock back over to Dutchy's side, it skidded along and ended up a few steps in front of him.
"I dunno, she's still a bit funny, but yeah, it's an improvement."
"Well, I think you're her favourite, you know she was asking about you today."
Dutchy went to kick the rock but missed it hearing 2Dads comment.
"About me?"
2Dads darted in front of him and kicked the rock off to the side.
"Yeah, just, general chit chat, but it was a bit weird."
"How can it be general chit chat and weird."
"I dunno, but I get the feeling that someone, maybe the boss, may have given her the non-fraternisation talk."
Dutchy's eyes were focused on 2Dads as they continued to walk, he didn't see the large rock in his path and stubbed his foot, he stumbled still focused on 2Dads.
"Ah, shit!… And, what? Why would he do that?"
Dutchy shook his foot trying to alleviate the pain, 2Dads laughed as he hobbled along.
"Well, I made a comment about you two being closer, and the way she responded, it was like someone had already given her grief about it. Oh, and then she asked me if I thought guys and girls could just be friends."
"What did you say?"
"Well, yes but also no, but don't worry, I totally told her she wasn't your type."
Dutchy frowned a little offended by his assumption.
"Hey, she could be!"
2Dads stopped and tilted his head curious about his answer.
"Oh, so what, you're suddenly into women if authority?"
Dutchy let out a scoff and continued to walk.
"Well no, but maybe I'm looking for more than just a pretty face."
2Dads whacked him on the shoulder surprised at his answer.
"Wait a minute, so you're saying you are into her?"
"No, 2Dads, I'm just saying I'm open to someone different, anyway, this isn't about me."
"Yeah it is, cos then she was asking how much I trusted you or something... it actually sounds like she's a bit into you..."
"Don't be ridiculous, 2Dads, she wouldn't break the rules."
Dutchy wasn't in the mood to be interrogated, he picked up his speed but 2Dads did the same.
"Ah, huh! So you are interested?"
Dutchy dragged his hands over his face and shook his head.
"Just shut up before someone overhears and you get us both into trouble!"
2Dads laughed and nudged him.
"We will be continuing this conversation later!"
There was silence for a few minutes as they approached outskirts of the area.
"Oh, then she asked me if you had any bad qualities..."
Dutchy whacked him on the arm and walked in the opposite direction shaking his head.
"Shut up, 2Dads..."
2Dads chuckled to himself and jogged after him.
"Okay, so, hypothetically, what if you did like someone on the ship, would you leave?"
Dutchy exhaled sharply and tried to ignore 2Dads pestering questions, 2Dads caught up with him and shoved him playfully.
"That question has nothing to do with the X…"
"C'mon 2Dads, even if that was true, I'd have to be totally in love and, actually it doesn't matter."
Dutchy grabbed 2Dads by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes.
"Listen to me carefully when I say, I don't like the X..."
They spun around hearing a shoe scuff along the ground, Kate stood a few steps behind them, her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. She immediately spun the other way and walked off, Dutchy hit 2Dads on the arm.
"See, now look what you've done!"
2Dads cringed and Dutchy ran after her.
"X! Wait!"
Kate didn't stop, she was embarrassed, hurt, even. Even though she knew all of this was just part of the job it still burned, she had opened up and it didn't seem to matter. Dutchy caught up to her and grabbed her shoulder spinning her around.
"X!"
She refused to meet his eyes and focused on the ground.
"Kate, you came in at the wrong end of the conversation."
"What, so, I didn't hear the words, I don't like the X, come out of your mouth?"
"Well, yes, but I had to get him off my back."
"Yeah, so what is this? High school? Where you just tell him you don't like me, but you actually do..."
He placed a hand no her arm trying to reassure her.
"Kate."
Kate looked up to him for a split second, they heard the sound of twigs snapping and he immediately dropped her hand, their eyes scanned the jungle and they drew their weapons.
"Australian Navy, show yourselves..."
A puppy trotted out of the bushes, they exhaled with relief and replaced their weapons in their holsters. Kate knelt down and picked it up.
"Aww, you're so cute!"
Dutchy scratched the puppy's ears and tried to make eye contact with her.
"Can you just let me explain?"
"What's there to talk about? I now understand how you operate, you're two different people. A nice, thoughtful guy when you're with me, then the tough jock when you're with the boys, I get it."
Dutchy wrinkled his face the use of the term 'operate'.
"How I operate? What are you talking about? Kate, I like you..."
She let out a huff and stormed off holding the puppy, Dutchy exhaled sharply.
"More than I probably should admit..."
He dropped his head and walked back to 2Dads.
Kate stopped at the edge of town, she sat on an old tree stump and held the puppy up to her face.
"What am I doing?"
She could feel her heart race, she was agitated and scared at the same time. She closed her eyes feeling stupid, her outburst had been real, that was the most upsetting part.
"Why are you picking fights? You're not even together yet."
She knew having any type of emotion wasn't good, it meant that she had some type of feelings, and in her line of work she wasn't allowed too.
She looked back down at the puppy who was gnawing on her finger.
"What am I going to do with you?"
The puppy licked her nose, she rolled her eyes and rose to her feet.
"Great, I'm talking to a puppy."
She walked back into the village gathering her thoughts, Dutchy spotted her and cautiously approached.
"X..."
She shook her head and walked in the other direction.
"No..."
She needed time to compose herself, but he followed her.
"C'mon, X, this was a silly misunderstanding... you know me..."
"No, I don't... and that's fine."
Her phone rang interrupting them, she glanced down at the caller ID and handed him the puppy and walked off. Looking around she made sure she was out of ear shot and answered the phone.
"Sam, that was fast! A private trust? What does that mean?… okay, is it traceable? Yeah, a warrant won't be a problem, will he know someone's checking?…Well, that's a risk we have to take I guess, yeah, thanks. I'm out on patrol at the moment but should be able to get the paperwork to you tonight, thanks!"
She sighed as she hung up the phone
"You can do this, only 6 more weeks…"
She made her way back to the village knowing that she needed to clear the air, she was making her own job hard. She walked along trying to think of the movies she despised, how could she turn this around and into her own rom-com? She mentally ticked off the stages, they had gone from enemies to friends, he had broken through her harsh exterior and now they were up to the all important emotional break through. She spotted Dutchy sitting with some local children playing with the puppy. She cautiously approached and stood above him, he looked up at her and could tell she wanted to talk. He smiled at the kids and rose from the ground.
"Everything okay?"
She walked away from the kids, Dutchy followed.
"Kate?"
She folded her arms over her chest and turned to face him.
"I may have overreacted before..."
Dutchy let out a scoff and raised an eyebrow.
"That's your apology?"
She exhaled sharply ignoring his dig.
"No, I'm trying to tell you how I feel, you know, break the boundaries..."
A small smile crossed her face as she glanced in his direction .
"You said you never watched Grey's Anatomy..."
It was his turn to ignore her comment.
"Well, you were right about some of it..."
Kate looked over to him surprised by his admission.
"I mean, I don't have a split personality or anything, but most people don't know me, the real me..."
He walked in to a quiet area of the village, Kate chased after him and stood in front of him making him stop and look at her.
"Why?"
"Probably for the same reason as you, it's easier to put on a front, isn't it? act tough?"
He raised an eyebrow waiting for her response, she didn't dare confirm his assumption, but she knew all to well, it was easier. Her nostrils flared as she attempted to think of a neutral response.
"Why do you need to put on a front?"
"Well, why do you?"
She crossed her arms over her chest.
"You first!"
"First of all, I just want you to know I'm not after sympathy."
She placed a hand on her hip and pursed her lips together.
"I'm not handing any out..."
He sat on a rock and dragged his hands through his hair.
"Well, how often do you hear guys talk about their feelings?"
She rolled her eyes and scoffed, why did all guys think that feelings were bad, or a sign of weakness?
"What's that got to do with it?"
He let out an aggravated growl and stood up to confront her.
"Just, can you stop for a moment, I'm trying to be real with you..."
Kate was a startled by his tone, they both sat in silence for a moment. Dutchy looked over to her then back at the ground, he picked up a rock and tossed it from hand to hand.
"You really piss me off, you know?"
Kate's face dropped, was he really trying to connect with her by telling her she pisses him off?
"Excuse me?"
"I really feel like I can talk to you, but then you go and, I dunno, shut me back out. Does it even occur to you that I'm after a friend as much as you are?"
Kate hesitated for a moment, it never occurred to her, she thought he had plenty of friends.
"But I thought the crew were you're mates?"
"I mean they're a great bunch of blokes, but we don't traditionally sit around and talk about personal issues, but I feel we've been able to, well connect..."
Kate closed her eyes for a minute trying not to let the feeling of success read all over her face. She had done it, the emotional break through was eminent, her hard work was paying off. She opened her eyes and saw the desperate expression on his face, her heart sank, it didn't feel like she thought it would. She normally felt a flutter of excitement, the thrill of being able to nail the bag guy, but in this moment, all she felt was guilt. He glanced up at her to check she was still listening.
"Kate?"
She blinked a few times bringing her out of her head.
"Oh, sorry…"
He gripped the rock in his left hand, his knuckles turning white.
"You know, I can't tell if you genuinely want to be my friend sometimes, but the we have these moments where I feel that we truly connect. You make me want to open up, and I don't know if it because we're both hiding things, concealing feelings..."
Kate's ears pricked up at his last sentence.
"Hiding things? What do you mean?"
"It's not that I have to hide, it's just, I guess it's like you said, it's a front. I just have a lot of ah, umm, regrets? No, not regrets, guilt? I dunno, but sometimes I just feel empty and..."
Kate brow wrinkled, she really didn't expect him to have so many heartfelt things to say.
"What do you have to feel guilty about?"
Taking a deep breath in her fiddled with the fraying ends of his sleeves.
"Well, my parents owned a farm, and the drought hit them bad."
He hurled the rock he was playing with into the jungle and focused back onto the ground.
"My mum and I moved back to the city, the farm was going under and Dad was going to try and sell up and come later. He was a proud man, the farm had been in the family for generations, and deep down I knew he wasn't ever going to let it go."
Kate tilted her head a little not understanding where the story was going.
"A week or so later a neighbour noticed the tractor on the hill for several days, they went to inspect it and they found him sitting in it, he had a massive heart attack."
Kate's face dropped, she didn't expect his story to be so heartbreaking.
"Dutchy, I'm so sorry..."
"I was so angry at mum for making us leave, if we had stayed then maybe he wouldn't have been working so hard, or I would have been out there with him and I could have saved him."
"Dutchy, you can't blame yourself."
"Then 6 months later mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was quick, and with in 18 months I had lost both my parents. I was so hard on her, and, I felt like a terrible son for giving her so much grief. When I was sent to the gulf I felt relieved, in fact, I went in there thinking that it didn't matter if I didn't come back, I had no one to come back too. Then the whole boarding incident happened, I was determined not to let anyone else die on my watch, but my XO, he didn't see it coming, I didn't see it coming, but I should have, it was my job to keep him safe..."
Kate looked over to him, tears fell from both their eyes, she didn't know how to console him, but she knew had to continue her job, she moved closer and held his hand.
"Dutchy, I..."
"See, this is what I didn't want, I didn't want you to look at me like that."
Dutchy looked down at their intertwined hands and moved away, Kate took a deep breath in and reached for his hand again.
"You make me feel safe..."
Kate felt her heart skip a beat as he looked up to her, she couldn't believe what she was about to do. She leaned in close, their faces centimetres apart, Dutchy pulled back and focused on the ground.
"Kate, you don't want me, it's the sympathy you feel for me, not actual feelings."
She placed her other hand on his arm not allowing him to pull away.
"Dutchy, in the past couple of weeks you have been a better friend to me than anyone in my entire life, that's sad, I know. You bring out this side in me that I've never seen, that I've never felt, I feel, normal..."
He stood from the rock and closed his eyes.
"You know this can't happen right? Lets just go back to annoying each other, it's a lot easier..."
"Dylan..."
"Now all you see when you look at me is this pathetic person who can't handle their feelings..."
Kate stood there gobsmacked, she never would have guessed that he would be the one to reject her. She watched him as he walked off, she did feel sorry for him but if anything his story made her feel at ease, that on some level they were the same lost person.
Kate gave Dutchy his space for a few hours, she knew that he wasn't going to be responsive in his current state.
She wandered around the village attempting to figure out her next move. She stopped as she felt a scratch at her ankle, it was the puppy they had found earlier. She picked her up and gave her a scratch on the head.
"Have you got any ideas?"
She licked her nose, she rolled her eyes at herself.
"No, okay?"
She spotted Dutchy walking by himself, she ran over to him carrying the puppy.
"Dutchy..."
"X..."
"Ah, you okay?"
"Yeah, Fine..."
"You realise your doing exactly what you were calling me out on..."
Dutchy glanced over to her but didn't respond, she let out a grunt and held the puppy out in front of him.
"If you don't want talk to me talk to her, she doesn't have answers but her cute face helps."
He took the puppy from her and gave her a cuddle, Kate smiled and gave her a pat on the head.
"I wish she could come home with us, cheaper than therapy, huh?"
Dutchy stayed silent, Kate didn't want to push him further in fear that he would shut her out completely, she left him with his thoughts.
A few hours later she sat in her cabin going over her paperwork, Mike knocked on her door and poked his head in.
"Have you seen Dutchy?"
"Ah, no, not for a few hours…"
"He's not answering his phone, which isn't like him."
Kate felt responsible, she had pushed him, she shut her laptop and rose from her desk.
"I'll try giving him a call, umm, I can go for a wander and have a look for him…"
"Yeah, ah, take 2Dads, he's not on watch…"
She nodded and pulled her phone from her pocket and dialled his number, it went to message bank.
2Dads and Kate walked around the village, he cleared his throat to break the silence.
"Ah, did you two sort things out?"
"What do you mean?'
"Well, you know that he didn't mean that he didn't like you…"
"Yeah, I know…"
She didn't really want to discuss it and walked in the opposite direction.
"I'll just look over here…"
Kate walked in between some abandoned sheds and took out her phone and dialled his number again.
She heard a phone ring and peered into one of the sheds, she frowned a she saw Dutchy handed a man a crate and some money. He took his phone from his pocket and ignored her call, she tried to get a better look and leaned on the door, it creaked and she immediately ran in the other direction.
They returned to port 2 days later, they had barley spoken to each other in the past 48 hours. Kate knew it wasn't a good sign, she needed to up her game. She stood on deck watching the crew depart, waiting for Dutchy. Mike walked up behind her startling her.
"Hear the good news?"
"Yeah, we've earned some time off?"
"Yeah, go enjoy yourself!"
She sighed as Dutchy scurried off the ship.
"I will, you too, Sir..."
Kate tried to follow, she called out after him but he didn't stop. She hadn't confronted him about what she had seen, she didn't know how to, which was something she wasn't used to.
Her phone rang as she entered her house, chucking her bag on the table she pulled out her phone from her pocket.
"Sam, how'd you go?…Inheritance? That's what the trust was? What from? Oh, right yeah the family farm, was that all? Okay, only one you couldn't trace, thanks."
Kate grabbed her laptop and opened it, she didn't understand, Warren had told her the money was from an unknown source, that it was bribe money. It had only taken her 2 days to discover it wasn't, why couldn't he find the truth? She picked up her phone and messaged him.
He knocked on her door an hour later.
"See, I knew you needed me..."
He went to walk into the house but she stood in his path.
"Yeah, I need you to explain why you lied to me..."
"Huh?"
She folded her arms over her chest.
"The money he received was the money from selling his farm."
"No, it wasn't..."
"Yes, it was, I had Sam trace the deposit..."
Warren's body stiffened and stood he there speechless, Kate could see the cogs turn in his mind.
"Warren, all I want is the truth."
Kate stood close, she eyeballed in an attempt to intimidate him, he let out a scoff.
"Well, you have it, you have photos, you have reports about his behaviour."
"Yeah, but I was sent here to catch him in the act, and so far I haven't seen anything but a guy who cares about his crew and his job. You even made it too easy and he resisted."
He moved closer not swayed by her tone.
"Well, maybe you're not tying hard enough,! You're not succeeding in being his girlfriend, maybe you're just not girlfriend material..."
Kate clenched her jaw, it took ever ounce of strength not to punch him in the face. He knew the truth, the real reason it was hard for her to get close to anyone, and he was using it against her.
She shoved him out the door and slammed it in his face. Leaning against the door she rubbed her hands over her face and took a deep breath in trying to calm herself. What had she done? She had never lied to her team about information, she had protected Dutchy, and she didn't know why.
End Chapter 9.
