Promise to Love Me, Even When You Hate Me.
Chapter 16.
The next morning Dutchy knocked on Kate's door, he didn't know how she was going to react, he just hoped that she wouldn't shut him out again. He held his breath as she opened the door and walked away, he entered the house and closed the door. Kate stood in the middle of her lounge room, her arms wrapped around herself.
"I'm sorry for leaving you to deal with stuff last night…"
He stood close and rubbed his hand up and down her arm for comfort.
"It's okay, I understand…"
She glanced up to him and quickly looked away.
"I just, Dutchy, we can't do this…"
She stepped away, his arms falling by his side.
"What?"
He couldn't believe it, after everything, she was giving up.
"I know, but after last night I've realised that it's not fair to either of us, we both love our jobs, we…"
Dutchy wasn't going to let her win this argument this time, he forcefully grabbed her by the shoulders trying to get her to see sense.
"Kate, what are you scared of? I would have thought by now you would know you can tell me anything..."
She wished she could, but if she did she could lose everything, including him. He slid his hands down her arms and held her hands, Kate closed her eyes wishing she didn't feel the way she did about him.
"Kate, I meant what I said last night…"
She clenched her eyes closed somehow hoping it would make him stop.
"Don't, don't say it..."
He leaned in and kissed her, she pulled away and looked into his eyes, they glistened from the tears forming. She didn't know what to do, this was the happiest she had ever been in her life, and yet she couldn't enjoy it.
She exhaled and gave in, she couldn't hold it in any more, closing her eye she pressed her lips against his, the kiss became deeper. Her body took over, she ran her hands over his chest, down his waist and untucked his shirt. He stopped and held her hands tight looking into her eyes.
"Kate, are you sure?"
She swallowed hard and nodded ever so slightly. He tucked the stray hairs behind her ear and swept his arms under her legs and carried her into the bedroom.
They lay intertwined in each other's embrace, Kate lay on her side in the little spoon position. Dutchy ran his hand along her arm and kissed it, he leaned over to see if she was awake, her eyes were closed.
"Kate?"
She didn't respond, he kissed the top of her head and whispered.
"I love you..."
He wrapped his arm around her waist and snuggled into his pillow, Kate's eyes were still closed but a single tear escaped her eye.
The next morning she was the first to wake, she felt Dutchy's bare body next to hers, his arm firmly wrapped around her. She gently lifted his arm and slid herself out of the bed and tiptoed into the bathroom.
Leaning on the basin with both hands for support, she glared at herself in the mirror.
"What have you done?"
She splashed some water over her face somehow hoping it would take away her sins. She didn't hear Dutchy get up and jumped as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.
"Morning..."
"Ah, hi…"
"Can we just spend the whole day in bed?"
He spun her round to face him, the sad look on her face confused him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, just, yeah, I'm fine…"
They lay in bed facing each other, Dutchy couldn't wipe the smile off his face. Kate couldn't help but shake the dark cloud that hung over her head. She had just made things a lot worse, something that she didn't think it could get. Dutchy propped his head up with his hand wondering why Kate looked so concerned.
"What's on your mind?"
She shook her head not wanting to answer, Dutchy sat up further and exhaled sharply.
"Okay, I'll tell you what's on my mind. This job you have, I know it means a lot to you and I want you to know that I'm not going to ask you to change your whole life, if you have to go away for work for a bit, well, we'll find a way to deal with it right?"
She hated that he was being so rational, that he had an answer for everything.
"Ah, well, I think we've got bigger issue, being caught."
"Kate, we'll deal with it…"
"But…"
He placed his finger over her lips.
"We will figure it out, love always wins right? Plus, all I want to do today is veg out with you and think about nothing…"
They leaned on the headboard, Kate felt more anxious than before, being caught was technically a way out, she could 'transfer' and he would be none the wiser but he didn't seem concerned. Dutchy turned on Netflix, he frowned seeing the number of the next episode.
"Have you been watching this without me?"
Kate covered her head with the covers, he snatched them off and tickled her, she squirmed and screamed.
"It's okay, I've been watching it too!"
She snuggled back into each other's embrace and he pressed play, Kate watched hoping that there weren't any other monologues that mocked her life. Dutchy squeezed her and smiled.
"Didn't the last one kill you? The vows Alex wrote for Izzy?"
Kate cleared her throat trying to think of something to say, why was it all about love and relationships.
"Ah, yeah, they were sweet..."
Meredith Voice over: We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it.
Kate sat there mortified, why was her favourite show betraying her? She hoped the next episode wouldn't do the same. Dutchy gave her a squeeze as the next episode started to play.
"Finally, they're getting married…"
Kate shifted uncomfortably in the bed, more marriage talk isn't what she needed.
"Yeah…"
He gave her a friendly shove.
"Oh, c'mon, I thought you would have been screaming for joy that they were finally getting married…"
"Shh, I'm missing it…"
Derek stood in front of Meredith in the locker rooms.
"I wanna be with you forever, and you wanna be with me forever. In order to do that we need to make vows. A commitment, A contract, give me a piece of paper…"
Meredith patted her pockets, they were empty.
"I don't. I… I have post its…"
Derek took the post its from Meredith and took out a pen.
"Okay, what do we wanna promise each other?"
"That you'll love me, even when you hate me…"
Dutchy tickled Kate again, she let out a squawk.
"We should promise to love each other, even when we hate each other, after how many times you wanna fight me!"
Kate froze, there was the L word again, he kissed her on the top of the head.
"Don't you think that's a good one?"
She refused to answer and pretended to be too involved about what was happening on the show.
Derek sat on the bench and wrote on the post it.
"To love each other... even when we hate each other. No running. Ever. Nobody walks out. No matter what happens."
Meredith sat beside him and smiled.
"No running."
"What else?"
"That we'll take care of each other even when we're old and smelly and senile. And... if I get Alzheimer's and I forget you…"
"I will you remind you who I am, every day. To take care when old, senile, smelly. This is forever.
Derek finished writing on the post-it, and hands it and the pen to Meredith.
"Sign."
Meredith looked up to him and smiled.
"This is our wedding? A post-it?"
Derek nodded and held the post it out for her to sign.
"Mhmm. Well, if you sign it."
Meredith signs it happily and then hands it back to Derek.
"Now what?"
"Now, I kiss the bride."
He kisses her tenderly, Meredith smiles as they kiss.
"Married."
Derek nodded and rose from the bench.
"Married."
Derek put the post-it note with their vows and signatures on the back of her cubby, then turns to her.
Kate coudn't stand it, it was too much.
"Ah, I gotta pee…"
Dutchy paused the episode, Kate jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, she sat on the edge of the bath clutching her chest. She was afraid that she was going to hyperventilate, how did she let it get to this?
A few minutes later she exited the bathroom to find Dutchy getting dressed.
"Sorry, I totally forgot I had a meeting..."
She frowned tilting her head.
"A meeting?"
He grabbed his phone and wallet off the nightstand.
"Yeah, shouldn't be too long! I'll be back before lunch!"
He kissed her on the cheek and ran out the room.
An hour or so later Dutchy returned to her house, he let himself in and placed photo frames around the house. Kate walked in from the deck wondering what he was doing.
"Ah, what are you doing?"
He turned and smiled at her and continued to place the frames on her bookcase.
"Making sure you never want to leave…"
She quickly walked over and stood next to him, smiling she picked up one of the photo frames with a picture of 2Dads, Charge and herself. Dutchy leaned his head on her shoulder and admired the photo.
"Those guys, I don't know what I'd do without them…"
She couldn't let it go any further, she needed to put a stop to it. Being caught was the way out, it was the only option.
"So, umm, Dylan, we really need to talk about what we're going to do, everyone saw us, the Boss saw us, he's going to report…"
"He's given me till the end of my leave…"
"What?"
He straightened the frame unphased by her concern.
"To come up with a solution…"
"Okay, but I don't really see any other option, I mean, look, I'll transfer, I know I said I thought about staying but it's only fair. I mean, it may have happened anyway, you never know where my job is going to take me…"
"But you've just joined us, everyone loves you…"
She winced, she really wished he'd stop throwing the L word around. He took her by the hand and pulled her to the couch and sat.
"So, I had an idea, it's why I had a meeting today… so, as you know I've been doing some photography gigs, and I've actually sold some of my photos, so…"
Kate felt like she was going to pass out, she didn't know what was coming next but she knew it wasn't going to make her feel any better.
"I'm gonna leave the Navy…"
It took a second for her to register what he said, she desperately clutched his hands in a panic.
"No, Dutchy, you can't do that for me…"
He knew that would be her response, he let out a laugh.
"Kate, I wouldn't be doing it just for me, I'd be going it for us. Plus, I love photography and we could nearly have a normal life…"
She couldn't let him do this, if she let him leave and she left, it would leave him with no job and a broken heart, all because of her. She sat up and grabbed his arm forcefully, trying to make him see reason.
"You're being stupid!"
"I'm not, Kate! I've been thinking about this for a few days now..."
Kate rose from the couch, she needed to end it, it was going too far.
"So, you're just planning our life without consulting me?"
Dutchy wrinkled his face, he didn't understand why she was mad.
She ran out of the house and got into her car, she drove down to the beach and pulled out her phone. Tears streamed down her face as she dialled a number.
"You need to get me out, now! I don't care how, I just need to leave! Meet me at my house tomorrow!"
She hung up the phone and threw it on to the passenger's side, it rang startling her, it was Dutchy. She couldn't answer it, he would only try to convince her that everything was okay. She sat at the beach for what felt like hours, she couldn't go home in case he was waiting for her. After a few hours of driving around so he couldn't find her, she headed home. Pulling into her street she slowed looking around for his car before pulling into her driveway.
As she flopped onto the couch, there was a knock on the door, she ignored it. The banging got louder and louder a voice called out.
"Kate, open the door!"
She sat there, tears welling in her eyes, he called out again.
"I'm not leaving until you speak to me."
She let out a huff as she rose from the couch, swinging open the door she attempted to keep it together.
"What?"
Dutchy barged past her and into the house.
"What is going on?"
"Nothing, it's just, you can't leave the Hammersley for me..."
He stood in front of her making her look at him.
"Kate, I don't understand, I love you and I'm pretty sure you love me, I mean, we just slept together, and I don't think you would have done that unless..."
Kate stood there trying to catch her breath, there it was, the four letter word again, Dutchy let out a scoff annoyed by her silence.
"Kate?"
She knew what she needed to do, taking a deep breath in she stared him down.
"Dylan, I don't love you..."
She watched as his face froze and he held his breath. This hurt her so much more that it hurt him, she clenched her hands trying to stay strong.
"I, I don't love you, okay?"
He knew there was something wrong, he refused to believe that she didn't feel the same way.
"Kate, is this about your job? You're scared that you have to leave? I'll come with you!"
She threw her hands in the air and raised her voice.
"No, Dutchy stop! I just don't love you! Why can't you understand that?"
He raised his voice to match hers.
"Because, I don't believe you…"
He took a deep breath in trying to calm himself.
"Kate, if you're scared, I get it, you have never been able..."
She knew he was stubborn, she had to keep going.
"Don't patronise me, Dutchy, don't try to find some reason why. I'm telling you I don't feel the same, and I think it's best if we end things now..."
Dutchy couldn't understand, he hoped if he gave her some time that she would come to her senses. He left without saying another word, Kate walked up to the door and closed it, she placed her head on the door.
"Goodbye Dutchy..."
Kate sat on the couch crying, her front door opened causing her to jump, it was Warren. She quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks, he was the last person she wanted to see her cry.
"What are you doing here?"
"You called Shaun and said you wanted out!"
She rose from the couch and tried to avoid his focus, hoping he wouldn't notice she'd been crying.
"Yeah, I called Shaun, not you..."
"Well, he's busy, so you got me...why do you need to get out now? I thought that you got along with this guy?"
"Well, I've come to the conclusion that he's innocent, so case closed, and it's just, it's time..."
He walked into the lounge room wondering why she was acting strangely, he caught a glimpsed of her blood-shot eyes and tear stained cheeks.
"Oh, my god..."
She glanced over to him for a split second.
"What?"
"You've fallen for him..."
She shook her head furiously and paced to room avoiding the question.
"Have you slept with him?"
She let out a scoff pretending it was an inconceivable accusation.
"Warren, please…"
She sat on the couch, her mind replaying the fight with Dutchy in her head. Warren and rubbed her back, she flinched a little next expecting his touch.
"Are you okay?"
She looked up to him wondering where the snarky comments had gone, he noticed her questioning expression and sighed.
"Kate, we dated, it didn't work, but I still care about you…"
She rose from the couch not wanting to reminisce.
"How we gonna do this?"
They sat there in silence for a moment, Warren rose from the couch and headed to the door.
"He's innocent?"
Kate nodded, he hesitated for a moment and sighed.
"I'll be back..."
Warren left leave Kate guessing his plan, she glanced at her phone vibrating on the table, there were multiple messages from Dutchy.
"Promise to Love me, even when you hate me..."
She shook her head and pushed the phone away from her. Sitting there with her thoughts she couldn't bear the silence, she turned on her stereo and stomped up the stairs and started to pack her belongings.
A little while later Warren knocked on Kate's door holding a large bag. She swung it open and let him inside. He looked at the multiple suitcases next to her and shook his head.
"You can't take those?"
She placed her hands on her hips.
"Why?"
There was a knock on the door, she ushered Warren into the spare room. The smile dropped from her face as she saw it was Dutchy on her doorstep.
"Dutchy, I've said all I want to say..."
He barged past her and paced around her living room.
"You can't treat me like this Kate, I know you love me and you're scared."
He shoved her feelings deep down, she brought out the old Kate, the cold, unforgiving person she had turned into before meeting him.
"Don't tell me what I feel."
"So, you're telling me that the past few months have meant nothing, that we didn't make a connection with each other."
She shrugged acting like it didn't kill her to act the way she was.
"Maybe you were just desperate to connect with anyone, Dylan."
He was livid, he couldn't believe she was doing this to him, after all they had been through, after the experiences they had shared.
"I can't believe you! You know, if this is true, and I'm starting to believe it, maybe you've been working undercover too long to realise when people truly care! You're not the person I thought you were…"
Kate held her breath as he stormed out of her house, tears streamed down her cheeks. A creak of a floorboard startled her, she had forgotten that Warren was in her house.
"Wow, harsh…"
"So, what's your plan?"
Kate paced around her living room waiting to hate his plan. Warren pulled a gun out of his bag and 2 bullets out of his pocket, she turned and froze hearing him load the gun.
"Ah, what are you doing?"
He spun the barrel round, it clicked into position.
"Well, you said you needed to be gone!"
She stepped back from him, but her grabbed her hand forcefully pulling her towards him. She tried to struggle out of his grip but he was too strong.
"Warren, you're hurting me..."
He placed the gun in his pocket and puled a syringe, Kate's eyes widened scared about what was about to happen.
"What is that?"
He jerked her toward him and removed the cap with his mouth, as he stabbed the needle into her arm she let out an ear-piercing scream. He released her from his grip and she stumbled backwards rubbing the entry point, her eyes full of panic.
"Warren, what are you doing?"
She could feel her heartbeat in her head, she thought it should be racing, but it beat slower and slower. He retrieved the gun from his pocket and placed it on the table.
"It's the only option, Kate, I'm sorry…"
Outside the house, the sun had begun to set, a pinky orange haze filled the sky. It was a still night, the chirping of crickets echoed in the breeze. Suddenly, the sound of 2 gunshots rang out, birds scattered from the trees. Kate's front door swung open, and she stumbled out of the house, bloody dripping from her abdomen. She staggered down the path to the beach, tears streaming from her eyes. Collapsing on the dunes she managed to pull her phone from her pocket and send a message.
"Help.."
Everything was blurry and in slow motion, sounds were muffled. She didn't know how long she had been laying there as she heard thumping footsteps approach, then a presence beside her.
"Kate..."
Dutchy fumbled his phone out of his pocket and dialled triple zero.
"Yes, I need, an ambulance and police, my girlfriend has been shot. I'm just at the beach, near Hadley reserve."
He chucked his phone beside him and placed his hand over her blood-soaked clothes, he winced and more blood poured from her stomach.
"It's gonna be okay, I promise."
He swallowed hard knowing he needed to keep calm, closing his eyes he took a deep breath in and reopened them as he exhaled. She lay on the ground, her body twitching. You can do this, just breathe. His hands ran over her stomach searching for the entry point, he couldn't find one, there was too much blood.
"You can't promise that."
Lifting her head she cringed seeing the amount of blood that covered them both. She lowered her head back on the ground and clutched her hands on top of his. He grit his teeth knowing she was right, but he wasn't going to let her know that.
"Yes, I can."
He tore off his shirt and placed it over her stomach, pushing down he attempted to stop the bleeding. His eyes darted up to her face, it was draining of colour, like the life was being sucked out of her. Their eyes met, he hoped his didn't give away the terror that he was feeling. Raising a hand he wiped the tears that were forming hoping she wouldn't notice. He replaced his hand firmer than before, determined not to let her down.
"Don't do this to me, please, I beg you."
She let out a scoff and her eyes met his.
"Beg? I've never heard you beg before."
He watched as more blood poured from the wound as her stomach pulsated from her attempt to laugh.
"Don't talk, you're making it worse."
She coughed trying to catch her breath.
"Oh, just because I'm dying doesn't mean you can boss me around."
He clenched his jaw, how dare she joke, he gripped her hand tighter and leaned down, his face centimetres from hers.
"You're NOT dying!"
His tone was rough, he was angry at her for even suggesting it. Tears ran down the edges of her eyes, she hated that he was with her in this moment.
"Just hang in there, help is on the way..."
He looked into her eyes hoping that his stern expression would make her believe him. She shook her head as she tried to blink away the tears, her bloodstained hand reached up and caressed his cheek.
"It's too late, I'm sorry..."
He let out a sob and lowered his face to hers, their lips met, the kiss lingered, he didn't want it to end. He felt her exhale and pull away, he didn't want to open his eyes, he knew what he would find. Taking a deep breath in, he opened one eye followed by the other, she lay on the ground still, her eyes closed. He shook her slightly, not wanting to believe it, she didn't respond.
"No! Don't do this to me!?"
None of it felt real, he was in a daze and didn't hear the roar of the ambulance pull behind him. The paramedics ran to his side and snatched her body out of his reach.
"How long has she been down?"
He sat there frozen, he watched as their mouths moved but he couldn't hear a thing.
"Sir?"
The paramedic shook his head then nodded at his teammate.
"Right, start CPR..."
He sat there helpless, sound began to return, he could hear them count out the compressions. He couldn't look, he hung his head and his eyes focused on his hands. As the blood ran down his palms, he raised them to his face feeling like they weren't a part of his body. He quickly wiped it off as he heard fast approaching footsteps behind him. They pulled him in various directions, multiple voices demanded answers to their questions but he couldn't respond. He looked back at the paramedics trying their hardest to revive her, he heard one of his crewmates whisper to the other.
"Is she?"
A gruff voice replied before he could finish the sentence.
"Don't even say it."
He watched as the paramedic checked for any vitals, his heart sank as a look of hopelessness covered their faces and they stood from her body. They approached the group, they didn't need to say it, they all knew the outcome. He broke away from the group and ran and scooped up her body.
"No! She can't be, No!"
He held her close and collapsed onto his knees sobbing uncontrollably.
"Please, no..."
He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and looked up to see an unfamiliar face.
"You need to let her go, this is a crime scene now."
He couldn't do it, it meant that she was gone. The Police Officer looked at his crew mates for help. A familiar voice whispered in his ear.
"C'mon mate, let them do their job."
He gently lay her body back on to the ground and gave her a kiss on the cheek. A pair of hands helped him rise from the ground and he stumbled away from the scene. He sat on the wall that divided the footpath from the beach with his head in his hands. He heard more footsteps approach and looked up, another familiar face appeared, his boss's.
"Guys, what's going on?"
He stood from the wall and his boss stopped abruptly in front of him, his eyes widen seeing the amount of blood that covered him, it must have looked like a scene from a horror movie.
"What happened?"
He couldn't answer, it was his fault. He knew she was stubborn, they had argued, but he was the one who left her alone.
A pair of hands forcefully grabbed both of his shoulders making him stumble backwards, his boss's voice boomed in his ears.
"What happened? Who was injured?"
He shook his head staring into nothingness.
"She's not injured, she's dead..."
Meredith Voice over: Did you say it? "I love you... I don't ever want to live without you... You changed my life." Did you say it? Make a plan... Set a goal… Work toward it, but every now and then, look around. Drink it in... because… this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.
End of Chapter 16.
P.S. If you really want to feel the emotion in this last voice over, google the scene: Grey's Anatomy Did You Say It, the first you tube video, 1.46 mins long, never fails to make me cry. You know, just in case you need me to ruin your day more. LOL! xx
