Chapter 133

Alex sat down on the couch next to Ryan whose eyes were fixed on the TV, half a beer in his hand watching car racing. She stared at him, until he became uncomfortable and looked over at her briefly.

"What?" He asked and she shook her head, when she didn't answer, his attention shifted back to the game on TV. She sighed deeply and loudly for a second time.

"Alright Alex, I'm listening." He turned towards her lowering the volume of the TV to show that she had his undivided attention.

"I need to tell you something." She started, her head probed up on her balled fist as her elbow rested on the back of the couch. "I stopped taking birth control a little over a month ago. I want us to try for another baby." She confessed trying to read her husband's facial expression, as a smile appeared on his face. "Well we can start trying tonight." He winked leaning forward kissing her neck as she laughed at the tickling sensation. "Relax your hormones Ryan Booth. Phoebe wasn't even planned and it was quite a surprise to find out I was pregnant with her." Alex answered since being told by the doctor that she expected her first child was the last thing on her mind, a year ago.

"I don't know how all of this planning things work, and I'd really like a boy this time around." She answered and Ryan nodded the smile never left his face since Alex announced the news.

"You shouldn't worry about anything, I got everything covered." He put her at ease.

"Oh do you now?" Alex challenged and he nodded. "Just some faith in me is all I ask. You wouldn't have to do a thing." Alex blushed at that statement feeling her cheeks turning a shade of pink. Somehow this man still managed to make her shy even through they've been together for so long, hiding her face in her hands. "Ryan stop it!" She laughed hitting his shoulder playfully and he puts a hand around her shoulders, smiling at how cute she is being right now.

Phoebe woke up from her sleep where she laid on the couch on the other side of the room, and looked up at her parents sleepily. "Hey sleepy head, you're hungry now aren't you?" Alex asked since she slept through dinner her whole sleeping pattern disrupted after spending some time with her grandparents where there were no such things as rules or routines. She made her way down the couch, and walked over to them, getting onto her father's lap.

"Pheebs" he started and she looked up at him pulling her hand through her curls lazily. "Would you like it if there's another baby in the house?" Ryan asked and she looked at him, blinking rapidly before she shook her head vigorously, making her parents laugh. "You won't like a baby brother?" Ryan asked thinking she'll change her mind if he rephrased the question but her answer remained the same as she shook her head again for a second time.

Alex came back to the two of them with Phoebe's food hoping it would be smooth sailing since it's vegetables and she knew her daughter wasn't a fan of it. Ryan positioned her on his lap so she can face her mother who scooped out a reasonable sized amount of mashed up butternut, Phoebe opened her mouth but the moment she tasted it she started gagging, Ryan holding a hand in front of Phoebe's mouth as she spits out the food refusing to swallow any of it.

"No Phoebe, we'll sit here all night if we have to, I'm not getting you other food." Alex said despite her daughter's dislike in vegetables, seeing an uneasy look from her husband. Alex went at it again, and Phoebe swallowed the food, not opening her mouth the third time around. "Phoebe Grace, come on now you're going to become big and strong it's really not that bad." Her mother pleaded but she kept her mouth closed. Alex's phone rang and she got up walking over to the kitchen area where she left it last time around. Ryan taking the time to see if his daughter will eat, and without any fuss she ate the same food her mother gave her a few seconds ago without any problem.

From the silence in the kitchen where his wife was talking on the phone he became suspicious as she only said a few words every now and then. The call ended and she came back into sight, her face not the same as when she left to answer the call.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, she stood against the wall her arms crossed over her chest shaking her head. "The hospital just called, Simon listed me as his next of kin in case of an emergency." She said leaning her head back against the wall eyes closed. "He…he committed suicide and I have to go down to the morgue to identify his body." She whispered. "He texted me, and my phone's been on vibrate all day, if I'd read the text earlier maybe he wouldn't have done it, if I refused to leave when he told me to he'd still be here."

"Don't do that. You're looking for answers now that none of us have or will ever get. What was the text he sent you?" Ryan asked walking towards her and she showed him the phone. Depression killed me. He read those three words over and over again. He didn't like the guy much but this was really drastic.

"I need to get to the hospital." Alex said looking for her keys but Ryan stopped her.

"There's no way I'm letting you go there on your own, I'm coming with you."

"Ryan who's going to look after Phoebe? I can't call Shelby every time something happens, she has her own family to tend to." Alex was irritated now because it felt as if he didn't understand her.

"Then we take her with. But I'm not letting you drive in this state Alex." He said sternly and Alex knew there was no arguing with him now. Deciding to make a call to Natalie to ask if she's up for a baby-sitting task for a few hours. Happy to find out that Natalie was more than willing to look after their daughter since Renata complained about being bored whole day, Phoebe will keep her some company. Instructing her friend to pack an over night bag for her daughter, then they'll drop her off at day care in the morning, but Alex felt bad enough about asking for help that she didn't want it to look as if she's taking advantage of her friend's generosity.

They walked up to the nurses counter, and she told them to take a seat and that a pathologist would be with them in a few minutes to take them to the morgue. Alex's hands were shaking uncontrollably despite the weather changing to fall and it's not that cold yet. Ryan took one of her hands in his squeezing it gently as a doctor neared the two of them.

"Alexandra Booth?" he asked and she got up extending a handshake with the doctor as Ryan did the same.

"I'm sorry that we have to meet under these circumstances. Please follow me." They walked into an isolated area apart from the rest of the hospital, the cold hitting them as soon as they entered. "I have to prepare you that it might not be a pretty sight." The doctor said opening a door pulling out a steel cold table that revealed her friend. Her hand flew to her mouth as she tried to cover the sobs that escaped from somewhere deep inside. A discolored blue and slightly purple mark around his neck, and his wrists were slit. She wanted to touch him, hoping it would all be a nightmare that she will wake up from. "They found him hanging in his apartment, with this note on the coffee table, and these empty bottle of sleeping tablets." The doctor explained showing them the evidence they found in his house. "I'm sorry to ask, but is this Mr Asher?" The doctor asked and Alex nodded as tears ran down her face, blurring her vision. Ryan stood there not knowing what words to say that will comfort his wife except holding her tight, as they walked out of the morgue back to the back entrance of the hospital.

They sat down in the cafeteria of the hospital, not a lot of people around in the early evening. Ryan ordered some sweet tea for his wife hoping it'll help her for the shock. "Suicide is so s selfish." Alex said fidgeting with the teabag that hanged out from the cup. "Dammit why didn't he just talk to me when I was there, maybe I could've helped him. Or someone could've helped him."

"We're gonna have questions for some time, and some of those questions we might never get an answer to." Ryan said taking her hand across the table holding it in his. "This is not your fault sweetheart, you cannot blame yourself for what happened today."

Guys I apologize for this gory chapter, and if I've offended anyone by writing this I am really sorry it was not my intention to do any of those things. Like I've said in the past suicide is not always an option or the way out, there are people who care and who you can reach out to. I'm not feeling well and not sure about tomorrow's update I'm not making any promises. I have a stomach flu which is horrible I just want to feel normal again and have my energy back. Thank you for reading.

Lovies-S

PS: CoachM38 told me Quantico is getting picked up for season 3 yay! Season 2 ended about a month ago in ZA, which is a bummer because I hate these breaks they take it feels like forever before they start filming again.