Chapter 22
Stuck in Limbo
First, of I would like to apologize for posting after months of absents. I moved to a new house in a new city and changed jobs. My life has been very hectic these last couple of months and I had very little time to write. know that I would never abandon both of my stories. Updates might take slower but I will finish them. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and PMed me asking about this story. Your interest in this story has worked as a great motivator to finish this asap. Thank you all so much for reading, following favoriting and reviewing! Special thanks to my beta Svart Jasmin you rock
Christian
When I was seven or eight years old, my parents took us on vacation to Vienna. I remember the countless beautiful baroque buildings and small alleyways in the historic city center, but what really made a lasting impression on me was a biblical painting by the famed medieval Dutch painter Jheronimus Bosch displayed at the Vienna Museum of Art History. I stared for God knows how long at the dark apocalyptic painting, absorbing every detail of it in my mind. Christ in Limbo was the name of the painting and it resonated with me instantly. I had no idea what limbo meant, but the image spoke for itself, a testament to the artistic greatness of its creator.
After some time, my father came to stand next to me studying that beautiful piece of art with me. Neither one of us spoke; we just stared at the painting in silence for the longest time. After a while, my father spoke up. "I guess this painting captures everybody's imagination because we all can relate to it. We all feel like we are stuck in limbo at times. That dark place between heaven and hell where there is no love or hope only death and despair. Don't you agree Christian?" I remember shrugging my shoulders. "I guess." I whispered back unable to articulate how well my father just described how I felt for as long as I could remember.
"We don't have to feel like that Christian. Christ sacrificed himself so we all could be free of pain and sin. So, we would never get stuck in limbo like he did when he died on the cross for us all. So, we could join him in heaven when our time on earth is fulfilled. Nobody is beyond redemption Christian." To this day, I can still hear my father's words echo inside my head. I never believed him then, and I certainly don't believe him now. The only way a wretched creature like me can taste heaven is to drag one of God's Angels to the pit of my personal hell. I did that to Anastasia; I took her and forced her to be with me, drowning us both is my misery. No wonder she does not trust me. It was foolish of me to think that she might tell me what happened between her, her mother and Stephen Morton. The air around us still feels pregnant with unspoken pain and accusation. It is slowly killing me because I need to know. I need to know what happened and I need to hear it from her lips, because, for some bizarre reason, earning her trust makes me think that I have a shot at redemption.
"Anastasia. Tell me." I demand again a little more forcibly this time.
She looks down her knotted fingers unable to meet my gaze, and for a moment, I am convinced that she will never tell me. The feeling is so depressing that it almost threatens to overwhelm me.
"Alright... I'll answer your question." She finally says knocking the wind right out of me. This is it! She is finally opening to me. A strange feeling swells in my chest. I am desperate to hear what she has to tell me.
"When I was fifteen my parents split up. It was all right at first, they remained great friends. Mom and I even moved into the house next to Ray so we could see him every day. It was almost like they weren't divorced at all. On my sixteenth birthday, mom took me to Olympia for a girls' day out."
She swallows and her voice quivers for a moment before she continues again.
"We were having lunch when this man, Stephen Morton spilled his drink on her." She smiles wryly. "I know it is such a cliché. He apologized furiously to us and insisted on buying her new blouse and our lunch. He was all charms and smiles and before I knew it, he completely wooed her in. They started dating soon after that. I did not like him and neither did Ray. There was just something about him that was off. We did not tell mom how we felt about him though, she seemed so happy and in love. Still, we were both shocked and surprised when they announced they were getting married after a couple of weeks of dating. I pleaded with mom to think about not rushing into things, but she was adamant that she loved Stephen, telling me that she just knew he was the one. So, I kept my mouth shut again not wanting her to be unhappy because of me. They married mid-October and we soon moved to Texas because of his work…
That is when everything turned into a nightmare. It turned out Stephan had no job. Instead, he was a conman with a gambling addiction on the run from creditors. He owed hundreds of thousands of dollars to people across the country. Mom was too in love and blind to see at first. He kept making excuses saying that it was all a misunderstanding; that the people owed him money instead of the other way around. His creditors kept appearing at our door, some of them were so shady even naive 16-year-old me could see that. It was around then when money started to disappear from my mom's purse. He tried to blame me for it but mom did not buy it. They argued and that is when he first slapped her right in front of me before storming out of the house. I felt so guilty I was the reason they fought and mom got hurt.
Mom did not want to talk about it. She just ignored what happened and sent me to my room. I was so hurt and angry. The next day she had covered her bruised and acted like nothing had happened. I knew I could no longer live there. I could not bear to see my mom beaten up again while she ignored the problem. So, I asked her to live with Ray again. She was so sad when I asked her that it made me feel so bad like I was abandoning her. So, I told her to forget about it all.
A couple of weeks after that incident, things started to escalate. Stephan started drinking heavily and he became even more abusive. Not only towards mom but also towards me when mom was not around. I kept my mouth shut about it. I did not want to burden mom further. He could stay out for days drinking and gambling and what not. One evening he came home again drunk out of his mind. Mom was out grocery shopping with our next-door neighbor old Mrs. Lewis. Neither of us thought he would be coming back home that evening. He started to make lewd comments and touch me inappropriately. I yelled at him telling him to not touch me. When he didn't stop I kicked him as hard as I could and ran upstairs locking myself into my room. He was furious and kept pounding on my door. I was so scared..."
She is silent for a moment. Her voice is barely a whisper when she continues talking.
"Sometimes when I close my eyes I can still smell the stale stench of alcohol emanating from every rotten pore of his body." She whispers.
It feels like someone punched me in the gut knocking all air out of my lungs I can barely breathe. Flashes of the pimp and the smell of his filthy cigarettes assault my senses and I feel sick to my stomach. I ball my hands to fists but barely feel my nails digging into my skin. Anger, red-hot anger, scorches through my body. Morton is exactly like the pimp! And you are exactly like Morton and the pimp. A small taunting voice rings in the back of my head. But I quickly suppress it. I am nothing like those to monsters, right?
Ana stares out of the window for a moment before continuing her harrowing story.
"Thankfully Mom and Mrs. Lewis arrived and he took off cursing and screaming. I finally broke down and told mom everything. She booked me a flight to Seattle that very same day. She said she could no longer keep me safe and I was better off with Ray. I begged her to come with me. I remember her smiling sadly at me saying: "I made my bed now I have to lay in it." I did not understand what she meant, why she just could not come with me? It turned out that Stephan had stolen almost every penny she owned. He forged her signature to clear out her bank account and take out loans in her name. The money she used on my ticket was all the money she had left. I still remember crying my eyes out at the airport. It felt like I was abandoning her to that monster. She made me promise not to tell Ray that he was abusing her, I guess she felt ashamed of what happened.
Ray never pushed me to tell him what had happened in Texas all he said was; "Are you alright kiddo?" when he picked me up from SeaTac. When I told him, I was fine he just nodded and hugged me tightly. But I guess he always knew something was wrong. Mom called me at every day at 20:00 sharp, and one evening a couple of days after I went back to Ray, he wanted to talk to her alone after I was done. I only overheard a little bit of what they were saying. Ray was both angry and sad, I will never forget how he pleaded with her on the phone to come back to Montesano but she didn't listen."
Her voice is soft but hoarse and her eyes are moist. She quickly blinks and looks intently at the floor for a minute like it is the most fascinating thing she has ever seen.
"One evening she did not call. She was always very punctual calling at 20:00 exactly every night… We tried to call her multiple times her but she did not answer her phone. Dad told me not to worry, that she might be out or something... But I knew deep down that he did not believe that at all. I felt anxious, sick even. I just knew something was wrong. When the phone finally rang hours later, I almost tripped over my own feet to answer it hoping to finally hear my mother's voice. But it never came, it was a doctor from Dallas General Hospital informing me that my mother had been assaulted and was lying in the hospital. She was in bad shape and they weren't sure if she was going to make it. Her neighbor Mrs. Lewis had found her on the lawn of her house badly beaten. She saw Morton speeding away from where she was. It was like my entire world was collapsing around me and there was nothing I could do about it. I have never felt so scared, guilty, and helpless before. I kept thinking that if I had not abandoned her and left for Ray this whole thing would never have happened. Ray immediately booked us on the first flight to Dallas to go see mom. He never spoke he just brooded and stared out the window the entire flight. I felt so isolated and alone on that flight. But I guess Ray was dealing with it in his own way. When we finally got to the hospital and I saw mom lying on that bed surrounded by machines and covered in tubes I broke down completely. She looked so small, fragile and lifeless nothing like the sweet, vibrant woman she always had been. The thought if losing my mom literally paralyzed me with fear. I just stood there nailed to the floor in the door opening of her hospital room."
I try to swallow down the lump that has formed in my throat. Images of a scared little boy desperately holding on to the lifeless body of his dead mother assault my mind. My stomach contracts painfully and I feel nauseous. Even though I try to suppress and deny it, I know exactly how she felt because I have felt the same.
She remains silent for the longest time and so am I, too afraid of my own reaction. The importunate ticking of the large grandfather clock in the corner echoes through the living room. It is the only sound filling the room for the longest time and it is grating on my already fried nerves.
"If it wasn't for Ray I think I would have collapsed on the ground. The strangest thing was though after a minute of seeing her like that I felt anger like I never felt before. I was angry because she abandoned me in a lot of ways. No matter how often I begged her to come back to Ray and me, she refused pridefully and remained with that asshole. And now she dared to abandon me again. I remember yelling and screaming at her, so badly that Ray and a nurse had to drag me out of her room. Ray was calm and collected like always, holding me close to him while I cried my eyeballs out. I guess I just really needed to let everything out and Ray understood me like no one else did. After that, I was finally able to go back to mom and sit with her. Slowly but surely, she got better. After two weeks she was strong enough to tell the police what happened that fateful day. Morton came home drunk again and found out she was leaving him. After months of careful saving, she had an enough money to finally do so. He became furious and assaulted her before running off like the coward he is. The police found him in some drug hole and arrested him. He never had his day I court though. His father is a well-known lawyer in Texas. He claimed that Stephan was reduced mentally insane at the time he beat up mom. Drugs and alcohol destroyed his judgment. He made a deal with the DA. He never went to jail but was sent to an expensive private rehab facility and mental institution."
She scoffs as tears stream down her face and I realize I want nothing more than comfort her and take the pain away. I never felt anything like this before. What others felt never really affected me. I am a sadist, Elena said so and she knows me better than anyone does. These feelings I have for her, they scare the hell out of me. What have you done to me, Anastasia?
"I guess when you have money you can get away with everything. It was just all so unfair. My father, he was always calm and gentle but when he lost it when he heard how easy Morton got off for what he did to mom. I don't know what happened exactly but I remember mom begging him to let it go. She just wanted to move on and forget about it ever happened."
Guilt, an overwhelming sense of guilt, washes over me, fuelling the anger that I am feeling right now. That is right asshole, you are exactly like Morton. That small taunting voice rings in my head again. I am nothing like Morton or the pimp! I want to scream at the voice in my head. Everything I did to Ana was because she needed to realize she loved me and we are meant to be together. I need to lash out at someone or something.
"Where is this Morton fucker now?" I all but growl and quickly regret it when I see Anastasia visibly shrink a little at my outburst before a surprised look appears on her face.
I sigh and run my hands through my hair in frustration.
"I need to know. As your Dom, I am responsible for your health and safety. I need to know where this Morton guy is to determine if he is still a threat." I say in a much calmer tone of voice as a way of explanation.
She shrugs.
"I don't know. Mom moved to Georgia after it happened. He tried to contact her a couple of times after he got out. Mom told Ray and Ray made him stop I guess cause after that he never bothered her again."
The rage that I feel inside me is boiling over. I want to punch something. I know men like Morton. They are junkies, always looking for another score; they lack any control or discipline. They prey and latch on the weak and use and abuse them. Once they have their victim in their grasp they never let them go. Not even when their victims are nothing more than empty shells. The pimp was the same. Men like Morton never quit. No, I need to teach him a lesson he will never forget. I need to talk to Welch right now.
"Well not knowing is not good enough Anastasia. I need to make damn sure he never bothers you or your mother again."
There is a bewildered look on her face for a moment and she slowly blinks at me like I am some wild animal ready to pounce her any second from now. A soft noise escapes her throat but she is unable to articulate a coherent sentence. It is both tragic and comic.
"Just leave it alone, please? Morton is in the past and I would like to keep him there. He has not bothered me or my mother. Ray took care of it. I don't need you to be my misguided knight in shining armor."
Her words are like daggers straight into my soul. She does not need you, Grey. The thought is so incredibly painful that I simply cannot deal with it. I want, no I need her to need me. I want her world to begin and end with me; like mine begins and ends with her. Anger surges inside of me boiling my blood.
"Don't be ridiculous Anastasia. I am not going after him because of some savior complex. I am doing it to protect my asset. And you my dear are nothing but an asset albeit a priced one." I snap. Her face falls but she quickly recovers staring at me defiantly.
"This is exactly the reason why I did not want to tell you this. You are a temporary fixture in my life you already messed up my life enough as it is. I don't need you to conjure up old demons which mess up my life further. I did not sign up for that." Her voice is high pitched but firm unwavering and it is like she is pushing the daggers firmer in my soul. She is mine forever and I will never ever let her go. The sooner she will understand and accept this fact the better. I glare at her fury taking me over completely.
"You are mine until I am done with you. During that time, you will let me do whatever the hell pleases me." I hiss. I need to get out of her before I lose any semblance of control. I quickly turn around and storm out of the bathroom slamming the door behind me with a satisfying bang. I feel like a total asshole this not how I wanted this conversation to go. I wanted to be there for her support her like a friend but I royally fucked up.
"FUCK!" I scream and punch against my bedroom wall. Pain flashing through my fist. I don't care what Anastasia says. Morton is a goner. Predatory assholes like him never change he is just like the crack whores pimp. I quickly take my phone from my nightstand dripping water all over the display but I don't give a fuck. I dial Welch number and he picks up on the second ring.
"Welch it's Grey. I need you to run a complete background check on Stephen Morton, Carla Adams' third ex-husband. I want to know everything about him. When he pisses, eats or shits I want to know I want eyes on him 24/7. Am I clear?"
"Yes, sir crystal. I will get on it immediately." That's why I do business with Welch. He is loyal as fuck and never questions me.
"I want this information ASAP. Make it happen." I snap and end the conversation and throw my phone back on the nightstand. I grab a towel and dry and get dressed. I need to channel my anger and something or someone. I really want to punch the shit out of something.
Taylor is already waiting for me in the foyer he must have seen me approaching on the cameras in the security room.
"Sir?"
"I am off to the gym." I growl.
"I am coming with you, sir."
I nod at him and walk up the stairs to my private gym in the sky. I briefly consider calling Claude for a moment but then decided against it. It will take too long for him to get here and if I don't punch something soon I will explode.
I am sweaty and slightly calmer but horny as hell after a few rounds with the punching bag. Not being able to give in to my needs is beginning to get frustrating. I know I promised Anastasia that I would not touch her until I had earned her trust but I am beginning to regret it now.
I punch the back one more time and let out a roar of frustration.
"Fuck!" I yell. Taylor looks at me slightly concerned but he knows better than to ask me anything.
I decide to run a few miles on the treadmill to tire myself out and stop my mind from spinning. After an hour, I am exhausted and make my way back in too the apartment to take a quick shower. When I am done, I decide to do some work in my office.
My inbox has literally been flooding with emails and I have a ton of missed calls from Ros, Barney, my mother, and Elena. I sigh loudly. Elena has been hounding me relentlessly ever since her spat with Anastasia at the Coping Together event. Her pushiness is beginning to annoy the hell out of me. Why can't she just let me deal with Anastasia on my own merits? I decide to deal with her and my mother later.
After having been three hours on the phone with Ros and subsequently Barney over a possible acquisition of a nanobot company I am tired, have a headache, and still horny as fuck. I want to fuck Anastasia desperately I feel a little unhinged. I stare at my phone for a moment, Elena and my mother's name light up the display. I run my hand through my hair in frustration knowing that I must deal with both today. I decide to deal with Elena first. Maybe she can shine some light on the whole situation with Anastasia.
"Christian." She purrs through the phone and I feel my head begin to throb; she can be so tiring at times.
"Hi, Elena. Why did you call?"
"Always so tense lately Christian. Do I need a reason to call you?"
"You never call without a reason Elena." I reply pointedly.
She laughs a joyful laugh.
"You know me so well Christian. How are you and the girl?" she finally asks getting to the heart of the reason for her persistent phone calling.
I sigh.
"Could have been better. We had a fight this morning. She told me about her adolescent years and her mother abusive second husband."
Elena is quiet for a minute.
"Oh, I am very happy she is opening up to you Christian. It is a sign that she is finally starting to give into you.. maybe even trust you. It must have struck a chord with you when she told you that." Elena says compassionately.
"It did. It made me think about things you know. I kept wondering if I was just like her mother's abusive husband... Just like him the pimp. I am not like them right Elena?"
"No of course not Christian! You are an extraordinary man! Passionate, kind, intelligent, brilliant and a little unconventional. Why would you even think such a horrible thing?"
"Because I forced her Elena..."
"Christian stop the nonsense right now." She snaps. "She signed the contract, didn't she? She stole from you and you gave her a choice. She chose to sign your contract and she should honor that. She should be grateful that she is not rotting in jail right now. You helped her in every way possible you took care of her father and her financial woes she is just an ungrateful little child who is stomping all over you. That is why I told you to take back control. You are losing it Christian. You need to show her that you are the master of both of your universes and she should submit to you."
I hate to admit it but I know she is right. I have rendered too much control over to Anastasia. I kept my end of the deal without question or additional demands. What if she never trusts me just so she can avoid being intimate with me? The thought is both infuriating and unsettling. But at the same time, I don't really want to force myself on her. I want her to want me for me. That is the crux of this relational dilemma.
"Look Elena I am working on it alright what else do you expect me to do? I can't force myself on her."
"I am expecting you to take control like I taught you Christian. Quit letting her guilt trip you. You are not forcing yourself on her! She agreed to be your sub with all that entails. She signed your damn contract! You should punish her for messing with your mind! You have needs, Christian. Give into them or they will tear you apart. Please for your health and sanity Christian. It pains me to see you so lost."
Elena is such a good friend. Always looking out for my wellbeing. She was there for me when no one else knew exactly what I need. I feel like an asshole for snapping at her for her persistent meddling. She has a point. Anastasia needs to understand that my patience has its limits and that I won't allow her to deny me indefinitely.
"I appreciate you looking out for me but I will be alright. Anastasia knows the rules and if she doesn't, I will happily remind her again. You are right I should be firmer with her but I am still in control." I say sounding weak even to my own ears and Elena pounces immediately.
"Well if that is true Christian, why haven't you made her apologize to me? The way she treated me at your mother's event was appalling."
I suppress the urge to scoff. Typical Elena to bring that up again.
"That is your word against hers. Her version of events that evening was slightly different from yours. I am not going to force her to apologize to you. Besides, you should not even have been on the event in the first place."
"But Christian that all shouldn't matter! A sub should never talk to a Dom like that. She should have been modest and respectful." She is right in principle but I am still a little irked of that she confronted Anastasia after explicitly told her to leave her alone.
"Well, she isn't your sub-Elena. You should have heeded my warning and left her alone. That is all I am going to say about this. Good day Elena." I say curtly and hang up the phone. I am no mood to beat this dead horse of a conversation again and she knows this.
I dial my mother's number but get her voice mail. I call her assistant at the hospital who informs me that she is in the OR assisting with a surgery. I hang up and check grandfather clock near the door. It is three in the afternoon still early. I will call my mother later.
I finish working for today and go and look for Anastasia. I smile a little when I find her in the library engrossed in a book. She is wearing a sexy a-line light blue dress that brings out her magnificent powder blue eyes. Her dress is a little hiked up, exposing most of her legs and a part of her thighs. God, it's erotic. I feel my cock hardening in my pants and I want nothing more than to bury my head between those sweet thighs of her. I need some release soon before I turn insane.
"Good evening Anastasia." I say startling her.
"Mr. Grey, I mean Christian hi..." She says a little awkwardly and I know she I still reeling from our fight this morning.
There are so many things left unsaid making the issue still unsolved.
"I am sorry I seemed harsh this morning. I am just trying to look out for you. I am contractually obliged." I say and give her a wry smile.
"Stephen Morton is not a threat anymore. He is a ghost of the past, a place I'd like to keep him."
"Let's not rehash this argument again Anastasia. It is pointless. Morton will stay in your past don't you worry about that." It is a half-truth I will still go after him she only will never know about it.
"Good. Thank you for leaving it alone sir... I mean Christian." She hastily corrects herself.
"That dress suits you Anastasia you look beautiful."
"Thank you."
"I want you to take it off."
"I am sorry, what?" she asks bemused her face is a mixture of dread and shock.
"I want you to take off that dress and your underwear." I say enunciating each word slowly and deliberately.
"But you promised me... You wouldn't do anything… I mean you said you wouldn't..." She says her voice laced with anxiety I hold up her hand and stop
"And I won't. I do however want to look at you I want to see you naked. I have needs Anastasia and since I cannot fulfil these needs the way I want to yet, because of the promise I made you. I need to look for an alternative way to satisfy them. So, I am asking you one more time take of your clothes."
For a moment, I think she is going to refuse but to my relief, she hesitantly starts to undress.
"What... What are you planning to do?" She whispers while slipping the dress from her slim shoulders. I don't even realize that I am holding my breath. God, she is breath-taking.
"You will see."
After a moment, she is just in her bra and panties. And I just stare at her Goddess like figure. I want to run my hands all over her creamy skin and breathe in her sweet scent. I unbuckle my belt and unbutton my jeans and boxers freeing my hard rock cock.
Anastasia gasps loudly.
"Christian. Sir, I don't."
"Hush. Take off your bra and panties."
"But..."
"Anastasia, I won't ask again. I have given you my word that I won't touch you nor will I expect you to touch me. Now take of your bra and panties lay down on the futon."
She slowly does what she is told exposing herself to me. My mouth is dry and I feel the blood rushing through my veins.
"Spread your legs for me. I want to look at your pussy." My voice is hoarse unrecognizable even to my own ears.
She dutifully obliges giving me a full-frontal view of her pussy. I feel my pulse racing and my mouth is dry like sandpaper. Her pussy is perfect. Lush and pink with perfectly even inner and outer lips. I move my hand down and firmly fist my cock. A shiver runs down my spine as I imagine plunging inside of her.
"Give me your panties." I command, and she bends over to pick them off the floor pushing her gorgeous breasts together. I lick my lips and groan; what I wouldn't give to come inside of her again.
"Here." She whispers.
I take them from her and inhale her intoxicating scent.
"Fuck! Baby, you smell so good." I growl fisting my cock tighter and start to move my hand up and down my shaft. That familiar feeling of butterflies flying around my stomach takes hold of me and a tingling sensation creeps up my spine.
I begin a milking stroke, squeezing the head of my dick easing the pressure and I slowly increase the phase of my hand. I'm salivating over every bit of pleasure I can get. I push her panties against my nose again breathing her sweet essence in. I feel overwhelmed, bewitched even.
Some precum drips from the head of my cock and I wipe it off with her panties. The silk feels soft and luxurious on my skin. The idea of her scent on my dick is exhilarating and I pick up speed moving my pantied hand faster up and down my shaft. I close my eyes and tip my head back for a moment imagining her lush lips around my dick. I open them again and move a little closer towards her. I want her to see what she is doing to me. That she is turning me into a savage wild animal craving her like drugs.
I stare at the mound of her cunt. Her skin looks smooth hairless and soft. My eyes move down to her slit and her exposed entrance. I feel a jolt in my stomach when I see a little glistening wetness coating her sweet pussy. Fuck yes! She is aroused by this! I moan at the spectacular sight and I must fight off the overwhelming urge to push my cock inside of her. Her eyes are wide and her pupils are dilated. Her facial expression is a mixture of fear and something I cannot place. It is almost if she can read my mind. It is as unnerving as exhilarating.
I squeeze my cock tighter messaging the head of my dick faster with each passing stroke desperately chasing my impending orgasm. My entire body tingles with the sensation and my cock pulsates and jerks. I let out a roar and shoot my load all over her panties. The release is euphoric and for a moment, I feel punch drunk but it quickly subsides.
I try to regulate my ragged breathing before wiping the rest of my dick of with Anastasia's panties. There is an awkward silence between us. Anastasia looks away from me. Her cheeks flushed and she fidgets uneasily with her fingers.
"Here." I say and throw the panties at her.
She looks at me a little shocked and dazed.
I scrape my throat feeling strange and a little uneasy. Was she ok with this? A little voice says naggingly I quickly suppress it. We made a deal I did not dishonor it.
"Get dressed Anastasia we will have dinner soon." I pull up my boxers and pants and leave the library not sure what to do with myself. I decide to pour myself a drink in the living room.
I stare out the window drinking in the beautiful sight of the Puget Sound. The water is the bluest of blue and the sky has burst out into a spectacular array of red, orange and purple hues the last rays of today's sunlight.
I always wanted to live near the water. I used to sail up and down this strip of coast alone, admiring the houses on the coastline. Sometimes I fantasized what it was like to own a house like this being married to the love of my life and raise a family of my own. But such dreams were not for men like me. Elena always said Love is for the meek and the foolish only people like her and me were too smart to be snared by Cupid's arrows. Now, I secretly wonder if that is true. These feelings that I have for Anastasia are unlike I have ever felt before and what is even crazier is that I want her to reciprocate my feelings more than anything in the world. Is this what love feels like? I scoff aloud. If so, love is truly a cruel, heartless mistress and the irony of that thought is painfully stunning.
My blackberry buzzes and my mother's name appears on the screen.
"Mother."
"Christian dear, how are you?"
"Fine mother. How did the surgery go?"
"Thankfully it went very well. The little girl will make a full recovery." She says, relief clear in her voice.
"I am glad to hear it."
"The reason why I called is because I want to invite you and Anastasia for Christmas. Your father and I really want to celebrate this Christmas at the lake house in Montana with all of you. And it would be amazing if Anastasia could come with you. It would make your father and I are so happy that you finally found someone."
I feel conflicted. On the one hand, I really want to celebrate Christmas with Anastasia and my parents. On the other hand, I am afraid because the relationship I have with Anastasia is not conventional. What if they notice something? Deep down I know I want to live my fantasy if only for a moment.
"Mother I don't know ..."
"Please just ask her Christian and let me know if she can make it as soon as possible." Hearing my mom beg like this stirs something inside of me. I have always been a shitty son even after all she has done for me. If this makes her happy, maybe I can try to curb my doubts about this, right?
"I will. Good evening mother."
"I love you Christian have a great evening." She says before hanging up the phone.
I put my phone back in my pocket and turn around Mrs. Jones is standing at the entrance of the room.
"Mr. Grey dinner is ready." She informs me,
"Have you informed Ms. Steele yet?"
She smiles at me and nods.
"Yes, she is already in the dining room.
"Good. Thank you, Gail."
I follow her out the living room to the dining room where Anastasia is already seated. She looks away from me and moves nervously on her chair. Is she upset about what happened earlier?
"Are you alright?" I ask her.
"Yes…" she answers hesitantly and I know she is not truthful. I hate it when she lies to me.
"Did it bother you… what I did. Earlier?"
"It was a shock. I wasn't prepared for it I guess..."
"You did not answer my question. I asked if it bothered you." I snap annoyed by her evasiveness.
She shrugs noncommittally.
"I have never seen a man do that. Especially not in front of me. I wasn't feeling really comfortable..." She replies softly.
"Because it aroused you?"
She gasps loudly and flushes again.
"I wasn't..." She begins to protest and it annoys the hell out of me. Why can't she just admit that she is attracted to me? It would make this whole thing some much easier. I slam my fist down at the table in utter frustration.
"You were! I hate it when you lie to me." I hiss. She looks fearful for a minute and I kind of regret my outburst.
"Oh, for God sake Anastasia stop acting like a prude. Feeling aroused by this is a perfectly normal human reaction. It is nothing to be ashamed about."
"It just felt awkward. I signed your contract and I am grateful to you kept your promise and did not touch me. This whole thing was just a shock to see I guess."
"So, you are ok with it?"
She shrugs again.
"I guess... I just did not like it when you threw my panties at me. It made me feel cheap and used." She whispers.
I wanted her to know that she belongs to me. It was my way of marking her.
"Noted. I will give them to you next time." I mutter still feeling irritated. She should be grateful that I did not fuck her outright.
She opens her mouth to say something again but Gail comes in with our first course. Creamy seafood chowder with garlic croutons. It looks and smells delicious. I take to opportunity to change the subject. It is of no use beating a dead horse.
"My parents invited you over for Christmas at their lake house in Montana. We will stay there two weeks."
"Oh ..." I put down my spoon and stare at her.
"What is it, Anastasia?"
"I was hoping to spend Christmas with my parents. I mean Ray will be released from the hospital next week and you know we just want to spend time together." She says hesitantly.
I feel anger well up in my gut. She signed the fucking contract she knows her ass is mine for six months. How the hell does she presume that she get to spend Christmas with her folks?
"That is very presumptuous of you Anastasia. My mother loves you and wants you to be there. I understand why you want to spend your Christmas with your parents. I know your family is important to you. But I would like that you stay with me this Christmas. Maybe we can go visit your parents the day after?" I offer to soften the blow.
Tears form in her eyes and it tugs on my heartstrings it is an unfamiliar feeling. I hate to watch her cry over this. She sniffles and has long stopped eating.
"You don't understand. This may be the last Christmas I can spend with him. The operation was successful but the cancer is still not gone yet. What if he never gets better? I know I signed the contract I know I am yours for six months but please let me spend Christmas with my family." She begs and it's like a punch it the gut.
This could be an opportunity to earn her trust and make her love you. A little voice rings in my head and it's like an epiphany I have been chasing her so hard and kept her on a short lease for months and it has not brought me what I want most from her. Maybe if I give her this little bit of freedom she will start to trust me? It's an intriguing idea. My mother would surely understand that Anastasia would rather spend Christmas with her parents if I told her about Ray's situation right? Besides, if this idea is successful Anastasia will be spending the rest of her Christmases with me and my family.
"Alright." I say before I can stop myself and she looks at me shocked. "I will let you go spend Christmas with your parents. I am not a monster Anastasia even though you keep thinking I am. I do this in good faith Anastasia just to show that I trust that you honor our arrangement. I guess what I am saying is that it is a way for me to earn your trust."
"You really mean this? You will let me spend Christmas with my parents?" she says bewildered.
"Yes, it is a show faith, Anastasia. I told you I want to earn your trust."
She smiles at me a breath-taking smile that makes my heart skip a beat.
"Thank you, Christian, thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me." She says tearfully.
"I can guess." I say and give her a wry smile.
"My jet will fly you to Boston on the 23rd and pick you up again on the 26th. Sawyer will stay with you at all times I need to know that you are safe." Her face falls. Did she really think I would let her go unsupervised? How incredibly naïeve.
"But you said you wanted to earn my trust." She says dismayed.
I need to nip this in the butt and fast.
"I do. But since your face has been on various media outlets I cannot take any chances with your safety. Sawyer coming with you in non-negotiable." I say with an air of finality. It is a half-truth the other half is that I want to know where she is and what she is doing always. I don't trust that she would not screw me over.
Surprisingly she agrees without a fight.
"Ok, I guess. Thank you again for letting me go." She says earnestly.
"You're welcome, Anastasia. You are very welcome."
