Chapter 184
After putting Phoebe in bed with him to occupy the empty space where Alex usually sleeps he went to bed himself, but had trouble falling asleep. He wanted to go downstairs and wake her up and told her she could have the bed; besides he knew how uncomfortable the couch was when it comes to sleeping. Maybe he was wrong and harsh for telling her all those things and going off like that but he still needed answers. After tossing and turning he walked out of the bedroom and stood at the top of the stairs looking down at his wife's curled up sleeping form, her hand resting on her pregnant belly protectively. Walking into the bathroom he looked around in the medicine cabinet for some sleeping tablets to get him through the night.
Downstairs Alex couldn't sleep much either. Her back was aching and she sat up checking the time on her phone, it was just after 2AM. She went through her contact list and wanted to call her mom so badly because she needs her right now, even if it's just to hear her say that everything will be alright. She walked upstairs towards their bedroom and pushed the door open slowly, the light in the hallway highlighting the silhouette of her husband and daughter sleeping, their chests rising up and down peacefully and the soft snores of Ryan. She took a moment to take all of this in and then closed the door quietly, taking her handbag together with her cell phone and car keys as shee walked out the front door.
It was weird being out at 02:15 in the morning. The city was quiet except for a few cars that occasionally passed her on the road. She stopped in front of the graveyard, and walked the familiar route to Simon's grave. The autumn air blowing a coldish wind in her direction. Tracing her hands along his tombstone and the letters engraved on it. "I miss you Asher. And you were right when you said all men are stupid except you." She smiled as a tear escaped and she wiped it away quickly. Standing there until she felt a few raindrops come down on her, that soon turned into a shower, she tried to get back into the car before she was soaking wet but by the time she reached her car heaven's floodgates opened up and she was soaked. Not even having packed a bag with dry clothes or even knowing where she was going she turned up the heat in the car and decided to take the exit and head to Oakland.
The hopes of sleeping with the help of medicine didn't work for Ryan and he got up once again and went to check on his wife when he found the couch empty, but he assumed she was in the bathroom downstairs. He walked towards the kitchen and down the hallway towards the bathroom but the door was open and there was no sign of her, and he started to worry when he walked over to the coffee table to get his phone he noticed her bag and a set of keys were missing.
Her phone buzzed and she looked down at the caller ID seeing Ryan's name appear and refused to answer. Instead she turned the phone off and continued driving in the pouring rain towards her childhood home.
Panic rising when she didn't answer and it was too early in the morning to call everyone else who she might be with he decided to wait a while and try again in half an hour but it just kept going to voicemail. "Uuhhmm Alex I…Please just call me when you get this or at least tell me that you're safe." He left his message and sat with his phone in his hand on the couch waiting for her to call back as all traces of sleep had vanished. Not that he'd blame her if she doesn't call him back. He looked through the pictures on his phone of the three of them, and it's a few days since he hasn't seen her smile.
Cold and shivering Alex was relieved when she made it to her house as she pulled up into the driveway. Hugging herself to try and protect her from the elements of the cold she walked up to the front door and knocked a few times as it seemed that a fresh rain shower was about to hit. When it felt like no they took to long to answer the door she kept knocking, and only stopped when the porch light went on and she heard footsteps down the hallway. The door opened revealing her mother and Joey standing in the doorway looking at her with frowns on their faces.
"Alex?" Sita asked opening the door so her daughter could come in. "What's going on? Is everything alright?"
She shook her head and used the sleeve of her cardigan to wipe the water from her face, as she was soaking wet. "Ryan." She said softly before she started sobbing and Sita hugged her rubbing a hand up and down her back. She and Joey made eye contact while he locked the front door again and made his way into the kitchen to put on the kettle.
"Ma. Ry….an. He is…I don't kn..ow. I just nee…eed you so much ri..ght now, Ma." She cried and Sita wasn't sure what to think but she assumed the worst as her daughter was pretty upset.
"Okay, okay." Sita said as she ushered her into the lounge and sat her down on the couch. "Come on you need to get out of these wet clothes. I'll run you a hot bath, and then you can tell me what's going on." She said once Alex calmed down and made her way into the bathroom.
Alex walked into the bathroom and got into the bath, listening to rainfall outside. She laughed dryly at the fact that she didn't even have clothes but her mother had a solution to everything as there was a fluffy grey gown that was folded on the chair for her to wear, together with underwear that still had a tag on – grateful for small miracles like that she sighed.
Sita walked into the kitchen where her husband was making tea and he looked at her concerned. "Is everything alright?" Joey asked and she shrugged.
"I don't know, I couldn't make out what she was saying. I just hope nothing serious had happened to Ryan. Jo haven't seen her this upset since…since the whole ordeal with her father." Sita sighed running a hand though her hair and Joey pulled her into a hug kissing the side of her head.
"Let's not jump the gun, let's wait for her to tell us what's going on." He rationalised as the two of them sat around the counter in the kitchen drinking tea at 04:35AM. They sat in silence when Alex entered the kitchen and stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her five month swollen belly. "Uhm I'm sorry – for barging in like this and not calling first." She apologized looking at her mom and step father.
"You don't ever have to call, you're always welcome." Joey smiled and put a steaming mug of hit chocolate down on the counter in front of an empty chair indicating that she should take a seat. He took his cup of tea and gave her a hug on his way out of the kitchen to give her and her mother some time to talk.
"What's going on child? Where's Phoebe?" Sita asked looking at her daughter as Alex took a deep breath while she placed both her hands around the warm mug.
"I had a doctors appointment yesterday to find out the sex of the baby and Ryan didn't show up. I asked him why he wasn't there and he told me that he's not even sure if I'm carrying his child or if Phoebe is his daughter." She whispered looking at her mother whose face turned a shade of red with anger. "I've never seen him so mad, Ma. He…he was yelling at me if Phoebe didn't start crying for a moment I thought he'd hit me." She concluded in a shaky voice.
Sita got up from where she was sitting and hugged her daughter who had fresh tears running from her eyes. She was on the verge of killing her son-in-law if she should see him right now for leaving her daughter in this state. "Is Phoebe at home with him?" Sita asked and she nodded wiping her face with the sleeve of the fluffy gown. "Does he know you're here?" She continued and Alex shook her head. "And I don't want him to know where I am, so please don't tell him." Alex added quickly and Sita nodded. She excused herself and took the hot chocolate up to her bedroom crawling under the covers.
When the first rays of sunshine crept through the window down in the lounge Ryan called Shelby to find out if she knows where Alex is but they haven't spoken since yesterday, and she wasn't with Nimah or Natalie either. Out of options he didn't know who else to call and tried her cell phone again but it still went to voicemail.
"Dada?" A small voice said and he looked up at the top of the stairs seeing his daughter with bed her.
"Morning." He smiled as she sat down at the first step and made her way sliding down each step on her bum until she got to the bottom one and walked over to him. "Did you sleep well?" He asked picking her up and she nodded.
"Mama?" She asked looking at him as she didn't see her mother around the house just yet.
"Mama isn't here right now, but I'm sure she'll be back tonight. Come on let's get ready." He said looking at her but she refused to follow him into the kitchen. Instead she walked around downstairs and looked into every room calling out for her mom. "Pheebs don't do this please. Sweetie she's not here." Ryan explained to his daughter again when she stood in front of the closed nursery door and refused to leave until he opened the door so he can see that her mother wasn't in there. Now out of options she walked back into the kitchen and started wailing. A terrible start to their morning with his wife missing and a one and a half year old guilt tripping him without her even knowing it. He made her cereal and tried scooping it into her mouth while she was crying but she gagged making it impossible to feed her. "Phoebe come on please, we can call your mom in a little while just stop crying." He pleaded but none of it worked. After her morning bath her voice was almost gone but she continued whining as they made their way down to daycare.
"Why are we so sad this morning? Phoebe?" Marci asked when Ryan brought her inside and handed her over to her care giver.
"Alex had to leave for work early, and she's upset because she hasn't seen her. I couldn't get her to stop crying. Oh and she refused to eat but I packed her cereal." He explained and Marci nodded assuring that she'll take care of it. His heart ached seeing his daughter act this way and he knew deep down that this was his fault.
Back home Ryan picks up the phone and call Sita to find out if Alex is there. She picked up on the fourth ring. "Hi Sita, uhm this may be a random question right now but is Alex with you?" He asked running a hand over his face.
"Yes she's here. Ryan Booth do you have any idea in what state she showed up here in the early hours of the morning? She took a two hour drive in the pouring rain while crying just to be away from you." Sita started and Ryan was both relieved that she was safe and he had a feeling that Sita wasn't done with her lecture so he prepared himself for more.
"I'm sorry, I was angr…"
"It's gonna take more than sorry to fix this Ryan. You know this pregnancy hasn't been easy and she's been hospitalized at least once a month. Have you thought about the fact that stress like this can cause her to have an actual miscarriage this time around?"
"Sita I can expl.."
"I'm not done talking." She said sternly and then continued. "She showed up here banging on the door and kept saying your name that I thought something had happened to you. I haven't seen her this upset since her father died. Ryan for a moment she thought that you might lay a hand on her." She said softly.
"I would never do that. Regardless of how angry I was I will never raise a hand towards her. I swear." He said honestly, trying to think back to how he acted that his wife thought he might get physical with her.
"You know she always said she'll never get married unless it's with someone who she trusts with her whole being and that person turned out to be you. She's hurt and upset right now so you're gonna have to give her some time."
He nodded his head although Sita couldn't see feeling worse by the moment. "Uuhmm may I talk to her?" He asked carefully.
"She's sleeping right now, but I'll tell her you called. Ryan please I'm gonna have to ask you not to come here or try and contact her not until she's ready to reach out to you first."
Ryan thanked Sita and ended the call. He sat down on the couch holding his head in his hands trying to think of a way to make all of this right. Walking over to the fridge he got himself a beer at 07:45 in the morning when he heard a knock on the front door. Rushing over to get the surprise of his mother standing on the other side of the door.
"Mom? What are you doing here?" He asked surprised.
"I have to come sort out some of your sister's college things." She said as he allowed her to walk into the house. "Where's Alex and Phoebe? I want to spend the day with her so I hope you guys won't mind." She said putting her bag down and looked around the house not used to the silence as her granddaughter is a ball of energy, her eyes resting on the open beer on the kitchen counter and then drifting back to her eldest for an explanation.
"Phoebe's at day care already. Alex isn't home." He stated simply and refused to put on a show for his mother.
"What do you mean she's not home, is she at work? And why are you dressed in sweats if your wife's working? And why are you drinking at this hour?" Theresa asked confusion growing more with each unanswered question.
"No, she's not at work. She's in Oakland. And alcohol feels like my only escape at the moment." He said and closed the door behind him walking over to his mother. He was irritated with all her questions and the fact that she showed up unannounced. He just wasn't in the mood for people. Period. Not even his mother.
"Ryan what is going on? And don't lie to me." Theresa started since she can clearly see that something is wrong here.
"Alex and I had a fight yesterday. She left early this morning and I think this is the end of our marriage." He said simply taking the beer from the counter as he took a sip, his mother looking at him for further explanation. "Long story short, I missed a doctor's appointment yesterday where we had to find out the sex of the baby. When she came home I told her I deliberately missed it because I wasn't even sure if the baby is mine or if Phoebe is even my daughter." He concluded seeing his mother's face change.
"First off all what makes you question the fact that Alex has been unfaithful to you?" Theresa asked.
"Because she's been acting shady mom! I saw her hug a guy in the parking lot. She's been getting phone calls that she takes in private. She bought men's stuff and it sure as hell weren't for me so who did she buy it for?!" Ryan asked raising his voice.
Theresa took a deep breath and put her hand up. "Now you listen to me Ryan Booth. You will not be talking to me like that, yes this may be your house but I am still your mother. Have you asked Alex to explain herself to you because you're just making assumptions."
"Why are you taking her side mom!"
"I am not taking sides here Ryan. But you were unreasonable."
"Well maybe it's because I didn't have a male role model in my life growing up to teach me how to be a man." He said under his breath but he was sure his mother had heard every word.
Theresa let out a long breath and ran a hand through her hair. "Well I'm sorry if you think I did a lousy job in raising you. And yes your father wasn't there when you needed him throughout your teenage and adolescent years but that is no excuse. I tried to teach you everything I could and most importantly how to respect people, especially women."
"Ryan I've worked two jobs to try and give you and your sisters the best of everything I could possibly afford. And if you've feel like I've failed you in my duties as a mother then be a better parent than your father and I was to you." She said taking her bag and car keys from the counter. "I'm gonna go. And I'll call Alex and apologize on your behalf because I don't know who this man is standing in front of me right now, but it doesn't seem like my son." She said walking towards the door letting herself out.
Ryan had no idea how he managed to mess everything up in 24 hours. Not just with his wife but his mother as well. Not to mention his mother in law. He took another swig of beer and threw the bottle against the surface. The glass breaking as it hit the dining room table and the contents spilling out onto the white tiled floor. He stood there looking at the bottle, similarly representing the pieces his life was in right now and he had no idea how to start rebuilding the puzzle.
Alex stood in the lounge around lunch time looking around the house when her mother entered. "Thank you, Ma. I have to get going to try and salvage what I can." She said as heer mother looked at her with eyes full of sympathy.
"You don't have to go, you can stay and leave tomorrow." Sita said but Alex disagreed.
"The longer I delay all of this the harder it'll become." She said, greeting her mom and Joey and then got into her car and drove back home. As she came closer to her house her heart started beating frantically and she had no idea what to say when she'll se her husband. So she went to see how Luca was doing first and stayed at the centre for a few minutes before she went home.
She walked inside not knowing if he'll be there because she noticed his car was parked in the driveway. She looked through their family portraits that hung on the wall and wondered if they'll ever get back to being as genuinely happy as they were in these pictures. She was brought back into the moment when Ryan walked through the front door, sweating like someone who had just ran a marathon. "Alex, I didn't expect you to be home. I tried calling you to find out if you're okay. Are you okay?" He asked and she laughed dryly shaking her head at the question.
"Am I okay?" She repeated the question and shook her head. She walked over to where her bag was and handed him a yellow envelope, seeing his face change as he swallowed hard, turning the envelope around in his hands, his worst fears coming true.
"Maybe you'll find the answer to that question in the envelope. I'm going to fetch my child." She said leaving him standing in the middle of the room, with an unanswered question and a fear of what he may get when he opens the envelope and look at its contents.
Hey guys! I had fun writing this chapter, it took an unexpected turn halfway through writing and the ending wasn't planned but I think I like it this way. Also it seems like we have a thunder storm coming up so I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again; so I'm not sure how long it'll take for us to reveal what the secret is that Ryan is about to find out when he opens the envelope. And I'm horrible for leave it here I know and I'm sorry. Also thank you to the new followers and favourites welcome to the family. Like always thank you for reading and your thoughts and input are valued – as always.
Lovies-S
