Chapter Fifteen

With the floor feeling like it was pitching below him and bile stinging the back of his throat Neal knew Peter was talking to him but he couldn't focus on the words right now. A combination of alcohol and rage was clouding his senses as he tried to make sense of what was happening. Peter had been helping him sit up but as soon as Jake was gone he went to lay him down on the cold floor. Despite Peter's general soothing tone Neal panicked as his intoxication started to develop into true alcohol poisoning, bringing along with it confusion that was getting worse as his adrenaline started to fade.

Peter tried to assure him once more that he was just getting up to lock the door but by the time he'd said the words Neal forgot them. Feeling exposed on the floor in the center of the room Neal poured all of his concentration into rolling over onto his belly before shakily getting to his hands and knees to crawl over to the far corner where they had been sleeping. When Peter returned from locking the door and tried to help him up Neal instinctively lashed out at him. Not doing any really damage to his target he lost his balance and ended up on the floor. Rolling over onto his back Neal brought his hands up to defend himself only to find Peter looking down on him in concern. Realizing his mistake Neal slurred something that he hoped sounded like an apology before finally passing out.

The darkness that Neal fell into wasn't absolute, it was punctuated with flashes of violence both remembered and imagined in a chaotic jumble. Trying to wake up was like trying to claw his way up from the depths of a cold and viscous lake that kept dragging him back down every time he felt like he was about to break the surface. When he did finally manage to tear away from his nightmares he found himself shivering against a cold sweat that soaked his skin. His head didn't hurt nearly as much as he expected it to, if anything he felt almost numb. Confused he tried to take stock in his situation, but found he couldn't seem to open his eyes. At first he thought the gentle swaying motion was just an illusion of the alcohol but he quickly figured out that it was the rise and fall of Peter's chest that he was leaning his back against.

Trying to sit up Neal discovered his muscles weren't particularly interested in taking orders as he struggled briefly before relaxing again. Fighting the urge to just go back to sleep Neal managed to force his eyes open only to discover the was blinded. Reaching up he clumsily tried to remove the tie that was helping keep him in darkness. When he failed Peter helped him causing a sudden flood of harsh light. Still groggy he blinked against the light's disorienting effect, it had only been a few days but Neal was already sorely missing having a normal circadian rhythm.

"How long have I been out?" Neal groaned.

"A few hours."

The hollow tone Peter's weary voice opened a sickening pit in Neal's stomach. Concerned Neal worked a little harder this time to sit up and with a little help from Peter he was able to succeed. Sitting up on his own Neal turned to look at his friend. Looking like he had pushed himself well beyond the point of exhaustion Peter forced a tight lipped smile that didn't light up his eyes the way a natural smile would have. Neal took a breath to say something but he was stopped when he suddenly felt like his blood had some how suddenly become heavy. Swallowing hard Neal shook his head slightly which just made everything worse.

"Neal?"

"Ugh…I'm still drunk." Neal complained as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"At least you aren't seizing anymore." Peter said with a quiet anxious edge.

"Seizing?"

"It's been a rough few hours." Peter admitted.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault."

"No, it's Jake's." Neal growled darkly. "I hate him. I don't even fear him anymore, I just hate him…which is exactly what he wants. He's a lot smarter tha…"

Neal stopped as he tilted his head back slightly and instantly regretted it as a wave of nausea washed over him, leaning forward he battled to keep from passing out again. Breathing through the spell he managed to stay awake even if he still couldn't focus very well. Pulling his knees up to his chest he folded his arm on top of them and rested his chin on them. Staring sightlessly at the floor he zoned out for a moment, he was exhausted despite spending the past few hours unconscious. Waking up still intoxicated was worse than coming to with hangover not only because he knew that pain was still to come but also because it was jumbling his thoughts and stealing his ability to cope. Closing his eyes Neal fought hard against tears that stung his eyes as the residual alcohol swung his mood.

Tired and dizzy but also too agitated to try to lay back down Neal wasn't sure what to do with himself. It took him a few more minutes to notice that Peter was having a very similar issue. Sitting perfectly still with a visible tension pulling at his muscles Peter was silently watching Neal with a look of deep concern reflecting in his dark eyes. Neal's skin chilled as he realized the horrifying thought that must be going through Peter's mind.

"I'm fine, Peter. Nothing happened, at least nothing…extreme." Neal answered the unasked question. "Jake just liquored me up and pushed me around a little bit."

"Neal, you don't ha…"

"No, no, no, don't do that, Peter. Don't take that tone. Don't make Jake any more right than he's already been about us." Neal rambled angrily as his mood violently shifted out of his control once again. "He said you'd do this to me, he told me you wouldn't believe me, he said you'd write me off as a liar."

"I'm not writing you off, Neal." Peter said carefully.

"But you don't believe me."

"I believe you."

Neal didn't feel like Peter meant his words. He pulled his eyes away from Peter as he found himself hating the pity in Peter's expression, he despised how easily Jake had made him appear far more victimized than he had been and worse that Peter was basically trusting Jake's word over his own. Not that he could really blame Petr since he probably would have lied to him if something more had happened. Tired, in pain, and still fighting the alcohol Neal didn't want to argue. However it wasn't difficult for Peter to pick up on his silent resentful anger as Neal stared at the floor.

"Neal," Peter said softly "Neal, please, look at me."

Feeling petulant Neal didn't react to the request at first. Leaning forward with a quick low hiss of pain Peter reached out and put his hand on Neal's arm and managed to get the eye contact he had requested. He had lost the degrading sympathetic look in his eyes and replaced it with one that conveyed a mutual defiance of a common foe. Neal's temper cooled quickly, he appreciated the fact that even if Peter still had suspicions he was doing a good job of silently taking his side.

"I believe you." Peter repeated with genuine sincerity.

"Thank you." Neal managed a forgiving smile.

A true smile touched Peter's expression for a moment as well as he relaxed and then nearly passed out himself. With the tension from Neal's encounter with Jake over for the moment Peter was suddenly fading quickly as fatigue started to win out over fear. Having completely lost track of time Neal had no idea when the last time Peter had gotten some sleep was. It didn't even really matter exactly how many hours it had been, from the way he was starting to pant for breath it had clearly been too long while under too much strain.

Peter shook his head violently and forced his eyes open wide in an attempt to stave off the inevitable. Neal reached out and tugged on Peter's shoulder to encourage him to lay down. Neal was a little surprised when Peter didn't protest, demonstrating just how far past his usual endurance he had forced himself. Neal shifted so that he could offer his lap as a pillow. Pressing his back against the wall Peter laid on his side resting his head on Neal's leg. Taking a deep breath Peter sighed heavily, but didn't fall asleep immediately the way Neal had expected him to. Neal rested his hand on Peter's arm to help him settle down.

"Wake me when the subway slows down again. I need to be ready when Jake comes back."

"I don't want you giving into Jake and fighting harder just so that I don't have to."

"I have to keep you safe." Peter whispered almost incoherently as sleep started to steal him away.

"Peter, I'm not your responsibility."

"Yes you are.