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Chapter Eighteen

"Have a good day, Hon."

Locked in a dream that was more of a warped memory than pure fantasy Peter leaned down and kissed his wife's cheek undisturbed by the salty taste. Sitting at the kitchen table Elizabeth cried quietly to herself in an exhausted heartbreaking whimper. In the logical that only exists in dreams Peter was unconcerned by her continual tears and acted as if there was nothing about that morning that marked it as any different than any other. In reality the morning that he and Neal had ended up kidnapped and been wholly unremarkable. Looking back Peter felt there should have been some sort of feeling that he was seeing the love of his life for what might be the last time and that he should have said or done something more, but the thought had never occurred to him that morning. His dream verged from reality further as he glanced at his shoulder harness and weapon that was draped over the near by chair. Peter furrowed his brow before he unceremoniously left the crucial piece of his defense behind.

With Elizabeth still weeping in the background Peter headed for the front door. Opening the door Peter found Neal waiting for him on the front step. His immaculately tailored suit clashed starkly with the heavy amount of blood that marred the side of his face along with the deep bruising under his eye that ran up and across the bridge of his nose. His knuckles were cut and bruised as though he'd been punching a brick wall and the cuffs of his shirt were dyed a bright red as well. Acting natural Neal slipped his bloodied hands into his pockets and smile brightly causing blood to slip from his lips down his chin.

"Ready to go?" Neal asked cheerfully.

"Not really." Peter admitted.

"Too bad." Neal chuckled. "Come on, it's going to be a hell of fight."

"What if I can't win?"

"I'm not worried." Neal pushed himself up on his tip toes to kiss Peter's forehead, tipping back on his heels he trailed a string of bloody saliva as he smiled confidently. "You've never let me down before."

"I've never let Elizabeth down before either…" Finally realizing something was wrong Peter looked over his shoulder to where Elizabeth was still sitting at the table in misery. "…now look at her."

"She'll be fine." Neal shrugged.

"Really?"

"No." Neal snarled with his blue eyes suddenly burning with an icy hatred that Peter had never seen from him before. "She's never going to forgive you for disappearing on her and as time passes she will grow to resent you for it and then she will hate herself for hating you."

"No, please..."

Peter snapped out of his nightmare only to recall that his reality wasn't all that dissimilar. He didn't believe that Elizabeth would ever hate him for not coming home, but it would certainly leave her with the kind of pain that time didn't easily heal. Determined to not give up on getting home Peter worked on trying to sit up. If a fight was what it was going to take to live another day he was going to give it to them. Having woken to a confusing haze of pain Peter blindly battled to sit up fearing that Jake would be arriving at any moment and not wanting to look weak when he did. Peter jerked violently when Neal put his hand on his chest to keep him down and the room suddenly felt like it was spinning underneath him.

"Easy, Peter," Neal said gently "stay still."

"No." Peter hissed stubbornly.

Rolling onto his side Peter panted heavily against a wave of nausea. Without any real plan Peter just started pushing against the floor in a vain attempt to get upright. Neal let him struggle for a moment before trying to guide him to lay back down. With a flash of anger Peter clumsily tried to bat Neal's hand away.

"Peter, please you're going to hurt yourself."

"I have to get up…I have to win this fight for you, Jake's going to be here any minute. I can't let him make you fight if I have a chance to stop it…"

"Peter, that fight already happened."

"What?" Peter asked confused.

"You don't remember?" Neal asked concerned.

Finally forcing himself up Peter sat with his back leaned against the wall and took a few heavy breaths. The edges of his vision turned red for a moment as his splitting headache threatened to steal his consciousness again. Once he was sure he wasn't going to pass out Peter took a moment to try and piece through his broken memory but attempting to concentrate just caused his head to pound harder. He had a vague sense of noise, violence, and pain, but nothing solid. Neal watched him with a worried expression.

"Peter?"

"No. I don't remember."

"He hit you pretty hard." Neal said sympathetically.

"Jake?"

"No. Tanner, the guy you were fighting."

"I didn't win." Peter sighed heavily. "Neal I'm so sorry. How did you…"

"Jake didn't make me fight." Neal assured. "He said you put on a good show and that's all that mattered to him. He kept his word."

"He didn't keep his word, he just changed the rules to suit him." Peter said darkly. "Jake didn't want you to fight last night from the start. He liquored you up to give an excuse to keep you out of the ring in the first place. He tried to save you from your first fight as well. I think...I think he likes you."

"Likes me?" Neal repeated doubtfully. "He goes out of his way to torture me."

"I teased the first girl I ever had a crush on mercilessly because I didn't know how else to deal with my emotions."

"You were probably six years old at the time, Jake is a grown man."

"Physically he is, but he shows all the temper of a child. The second he doesn't get his way he turns violent. I think Jake has been torturing people without regret for a very long time. Now for whatever reason some part of him suddenly feels a trace of sympathy or possibly even empathy for you. Maybe you remind him of someone or even himself. He wants to help you, he just doesn't know what to do with that desire."

"He could just contact the FBI." Neal said bitterly.

"Maybe he will if you can convince him that yo…"

"I'm not making friends with Jake." Neal interrupted sharply.

"I'm not asking you to, I'm suggesting you con him into believing you are."

"He's too insane to con." Neal snarled getting angrier. "Or too smart, something...I don't know. I can't figure him out. Every time I go up against him I end up doing exactly what he wants."

"Neal..."

"It would have to be a 'long con'," Neal sighed as he suddenly gave into the idea "there is no way he won't smell a trap from a mile away if I suddenly start acting chummy with him."

"I don't think we're going anywhere any time soon."

Peter regretted his last words the moment he said them, not just because of their effect on Neal's morale but his own as well. It was impossible not to think that if the FBI was going to find them they would have by now. Time was difficult to keep track of but it had to be at least a week since their capture. At the mention that rescue wasn't in sight Neal had instantly lost the anger in his eyes that he'd had while they'd been talking about Jake, replaced by an unfocused look as he seemed to retreat inward into darker thoughts than just simple hatred. Peter looked around the room trying to figure just how long he'd been out and starting to fear that it had been long enough for another visit from Jake.

"Neal? What's wrong?"

"Besides the obvious?" Neal asked with a forced smile.

"Besides the obvious." Peter confirmed.

"Do you think…" Neal hesitated. "Do you think I could kill someone?"

"Not without it fundamentally changing who you are." Peter admitted. "But don't worry about that right now, if the time comes that you have to defend yourself with lethal force we'll work through the aftermath together. Okay?"

Neal nodded but remained heavily pensive. Peter didn't want to say it out loud and cast further fear in Neal's mind but he did have his doubts about not just Neal's physical ability to kill but his emotional capability as well. Neal had a natural aversion to violence that Peter had long admired as one of his best traits. Peter would have never even considered the CI agreement if Neal hadn't proven time and time again that he may be criminal but he wasn't dangerous. However the line between life and death in their current situation was razor thin and a second's worth of hesitation to let go of a life long moral stand could make all the difference in survival.

Peter wanted to suggest that he start teaching Neal some of the skills he was going to need to even be able to attempt to truly defend himself, but at the moment his post concussive state was making even the thought of sparing with Neal painful. Just focusing enough to talk with him was becoming increasingly difficult as his headache took up more and more of his attention. Neal's own reflective thoughts started to translate into a nervous energy as he started to shift his weight and rub at his injured wrists.

"Neal?"

"I can't just sit here." Neal said restlessly as he got to his feet. "Federal Prison couldn't hold me I can't imagine this place is really that much better thought out. There has to be a weak point somewhere and I'm going to find it."

"Please don't get lost."

"Really?" Neal managed a smile. "I was expecting to have to fight you over this plan."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. You can easily out run Sawyer if you cross paths with him and you'll have a better chance at stealth if you're on your own. Not to mention that if anyone can find a way out it's you."

"Those were going to be my argument points exactly."

"Then there is no sense in arguing."

"We argue senselessly all the time, why should now be any different?" Neal teased.

"Desperate times, remember?" Peter smiled. "Be careful out there."

"I will." Neal nodded. "I won't be gone long, I promise. I'll just start with a quick reconnaissance."

"Don't risk coming back here if you find a way out, just go, get help."

"I can't leave you down here. We'll get out together if I find a way."

"No. There are cameras everywhere, if you find a chink in their armour you can't give them the chance to fix it. There is no room for error down here. Your first chance could be the only one we get."

"Peter…"

"Neal, promise me that if you find a way out you'll take it."

"…I promise."