Chapter twenty-six

With his palms pressed against the floor so that his index fingers and thumbs formed a diamond Neal poured all his focus into completing a long set of the variant pushups. Blood trickled down his arm from his shoulder as the exercise opened up one of the larger glass cuts that were struggling to heal. Although staying strong was important Neal was using the exertion more for his mental health than his physical state. It had been at least twenty-four hours since his fight, possibly even forty-eight, he'd lost track, but every time he closed his eyes or even just let his mind wander he had a vivid flash back of Marco's face breaking under his foot or the feel of the hot blood on his hands as he'd clawed at his opponent's already limited vision.

Mixed in with the revulsion of the violent memories were flashes of panic from the frantic claustrophobia of being nearly unable to escape Marco's crushing grasp. It didn't take more than the thought of Marco's arms around him to make it difficult for him to breath again. Neal's blood went cold as he kept remembering just how close he'd come to a gruesome death, all because he given his position away with an apology that had no chance of being accepted in the first place. He did appreciate that Peter hadn't bothered chastening him for the nearly fatal error, Neal had very quickly learned his lesson on his own.

Turning his thoughts to Peter Neal ended his pushups and sat back on his heels as he glanced down the short hall to the closed bathroom door. It had been at least twenty-minutes and the shower was still running. Neal feared that the water was just sound cover for Peter's anxious retching. Before he had retreated into the bathroom Peter had become noticeably short of breath with the kind of quick shallow cadence that Neal associated with having a panic attack. Neal hadn't bothered him with any pointless questions about if he was alright when Peter had suddenly gotten up and left. Peter was far too private about weakness to have answered with anything other than a lie. Since neither the question nor the answer would have done anything to make either one of them feel better Neal just let Peter cope in his own way.

Thinking about it more carefully Neal realized that neither one of them had really spoken much since the fight, and the fact that he was to blame further tightened the knot in his stomach. Neal deeply regretted rhetorically asking Peter about the point of surviving, the impact on Peter's morale had been devastating. Although he meant what he had said Neal hadn't meant to sound like he was ready to give up just yet. Not having an answer to the impossible question Peter had fallen into an introspective silence. Neal had been too consumed with his own shock at first to notice the change in Peter. Even once he had recovered from the tremors he'd found his heart too heavy to pull himself out of his non talkative mood, and he hadn't even thought about how the silence was adding to the weight of Peter's shoulders until now.

"Don't do that to him again, Neal." Neal chastised himself out loud to get himself talking. "Keep it to yourself, live through this first, worry about the rest later. We can't help each other if we don't help ourselves."

Determined to show Peter a more positive outlook for both their sakes Neal got to his feet and paced about to try and perk himself up. Neal figured the last thing Peter needed when he finally joined him again was to find him kneeling on the floor staring at nothing. Neal was just thinking about going over to the bathroom door and at least asking Peter if he was okay when an all too familiar sound send a chill down his spine. He had missed Jake's footsteps in the hall but there was no missing the way the key grated in the lock as it fought to turn the tumblers. Neal instinctively looked for an escape even though he knew there wasn't one as Jake opened the door.

"Hey, Caffrey." Jake greeted casually.

"Jake, no, please, not now." Neal said quietly hoping to keep Peter from knowing Jake was here to torment them. "Please leave me alone, I'm begging you."

"But I'm bored." Jake complained.

"That's not really my problem."

"I'm making it your problem." Jake chuckled. "Come on, I'm not going to hurt you. Promise. In fact I want to help you out."

"I've already experienced your particular brand of 'help', please, just give me another twenty-four hours, I'd take twelve even."

"Time is meaningless down here." Jake shrugged. "What does putting off the inevitable for a day buy you?"

"It's not for me." Neal said seriously. "It's for Peter, I don't think he can handle knowing I'm with you right now."

Jake made a show of looking past Neal to the closed bathroom door and the white noise of running water. For a moment Jake's expression gave Neal hope that he might actually show them some mercy.

"I'll tell you what, I'm a reasonable man." Jake said. "I'll give you a few minutes, tell Peter you're feeling restless and you want to explore around again, then come find me. Deal?"

"Fine."

"Then it's a date."

Neal inwardly cringed at Jake's wording. Chuckling to himself Jake smiled brightly at Neal before winking suggestively and leaving. Neal still wasn't sure how to take Jake's odd behavior towards him. At times Jake seemed to genuinely want to make friends with him but at the same time he had no qualms about torturing him and in fact he appeared to enjoy it. His tone was often sexual but more mockingly than actually threatening, like the way teenage boys might tease one another. Giving up on trying to figure Jake and his motivations out right now Neal just waited for Peter to return so that he could lie to him about where he was going.

Jake had only been gone for a few minutes when the shower finally turned off. Peter stepped out with his hair wet and plastered to his skin. He looked exhausted and the red flushing across his cheeks and throat told Neal that he had been working hard to keep quiet while his stomach rebelled against him. Neal did his best not to give Peter a concerned look knowing it would only make Peter feel worse. Clearly having the same thought Peter was working on not looking at Neal with as much concern as he obviously felt. Neal sighed quietly, he wanted to break this uneasy silence that had shrouded them lately but he wasn't sure what to say.

"Peter, we…" Neal trailed off.

"I know." Peter managed a slight smile. "We need to stop being so quiet."

"Exactly." Neal agreed in relief. "I know I started it."

"It's fine, Neal, it was a perfectly valid question."

"Well, I haven't done anything I can't live with just yet." Neal smiled.

"We're going to keep it that way." Peter said seriously. "You have every right to defend yourself."

"I know." Neal nodded.

"Good. I guess I should show you some basics on getting out of holds, I have to admit it's not one of my strong point. It's not something I've had to do since the Academy."

"Actually, I'm feeling a little cooped up right now. I was thinking I'd do a quick circuit of the tunnels, there's an entire abandoned section I didn't go into last time. I won't be gone too long, you can get some rest and show me when I get back."

Despite his best efforts Neal got the distinct feeling that Peter hadn't bought a word of his excuse to step out of the room. Peter tilted his head to the side and stared past Neal at the door much in the same way Jake had just done in the other direction. Peter took a breath to protest but thought better of it. Nodding his acquiescence Peter just stood in the archway that lead into the short hall motionlessly. Neal hesitated to make his next move, hating to leave with what he felt was a transparent lie between them but also not really wanting to talk about the truth of what he was about to do. Resolving to just leave and get his 'date' with Jake over with Neal headed for the door only to find Peter following him.

"Peter, please I have…"

"I need to lock the door behind you." Peter interrupted.

"Oh, right."

Neal forced a smile as he opened the door. Neal's slip had cost Peter some of his willpower to just let Neal leave unquestioned as his suspicions were confirmed. Neal could see that Peter was suddenly working on overdrive trying to figure out a way to stop him. With a genuine warm smile Neal put his hand on Peter's shoulder to silently let him know that he didn't have to find a way to fix this, it was good enough that he didn't want him to go.

"I'll be back."

"...I'll be here."