The weeks seemed to drift slowly by…
The snow disappeared and a warm spring breeze encouraged the spring blossoms to appear, pink and pretty.
But despite it being Wade Wilson's last spring to enjoy, he wasn't really in the mood to do so.
He walked down the street, dark-ringed eyes blinking heavily shut, his hands stuffed into his jacket pockets.
He was tired….exhausted even, and all he knew was that he desperately needed a drink.
Shoving open the familiar red door to Weasel's bar, he headed inside, into the enveloping gloom.
The place was quiet, which was pretty usual for late afternoon on a Tuesday, with just a few regular's dotted here and there.
"Well if isn't Wade fucking Wilson," came Weasel's gravelly voice. "No offence dude, but you look like shit."
Wade forced a fake smile. "I feel like it too," he replied, strolling over and coming to lean up against the grimy bar.
Weasel gave Wade a lopsided grin, full of sympathy- which Wade of course, hated. He didn't want people feeling sorry for him.
Weasel automatically pulled down a grease streaked glass and opened a dusty bottle of whisky, pouring large glug of the brown liquor inside.
"On the house," said the barman with a sigh, his eyes on Wade's pale, gaunt face as the merc pulled his wallet from his pocket. "So no Emily or Missy today?"
Wade lowered his eyes as Weasel slid the drink towards him.
"Nah," uttered the merc, running a hand down his long face before glugging down the whiskey in one. "I'm not letting them get involved in this fucking shit-show. They're both too perfect for that."
Weasel gave a frown.
"You mean you haven't fucking told them?" he spluttered in shock. "Fuck me, man….that's just…..messed up."
A line appeared between Wade's brows.
It had been weeks since he had seen Missy or Emily. He had kept his distance, not wanting them to see him like this. And after the last time they had spoken, he doubted either of them would ever want to see him again anyway.
They were too good for him and he knew it.
The merc, opened his wallet and pulled out a battered old photograph of the three of them he had taken on Emily's birthday at the zoo.
In the photo Missy was holding Emily, and Wade had his arms looped around Missy's neck, their smiling faces all pressed together.
It was Wade's favourite thing to look at on those long days and night's while he was all alone…even though those two people he loved so much were just across the hallway….
But now, Wade pushed the photo away from him, unable to bear the heartache of looking at it any longer. He missed them so much it hurt…constantly.
Weasel leaned across the bar, plucking up the battered picture.
"Awwww, fucking hell, you guys are perfect," he murmured. "Mind if I keep this…put it up behind the bar?"
Wade gave a heavy nod…..he knew he wouldn't be able to make it in here many more times….what did it matter to him if Weasel put it up or not…
"Sure…" he said with another tired sigh.
Weasel turned, popping the photo up onto the corner of the back wall, before glancing back over towards the merc.
"You know," he said giving a nod. "that creepy guy over there was asking about you earlier."
Wade glanced back over his shoulder at the man he could only see the back of, sat facing a wall in a dimly-lit corner of the bar.
"What? The guy over there that looks like a fucking creepy doll from a horror movie?" said Wade cocking an eye up toward his barman friend.
But Weasel shrugged. "You're call man….but you never know, it might further the plot," he uttered, before turning away to wipe down some glasses with a greasy looking rag.
Wade paused for a moment, glancing over his shoulder one more time at the guy.
Why would he want to see Wade?
But as Wade turned back around toward the bar he stared up at the photograph of him, Missy and Emily, pinned to the wall and gave a deep sigh…
He had given up the two things he cared about the most in this entire universe…
The only thing that had been keeping him going…
What more did he have to lose?
Two hours later and Wade slipped silently out of Missy and Emily's apartment for the last time.
The lights had been off so he'd known it was the most apt time for him to do what he needed to do.
He had lingered in his and Missy's room for a long time in the darkness, before moving into Emily's tiny bedroom, picking up her toy bunny and holding it to his face. Wade had closed his eyes, just for a moment, before replacing the toy where he had found it and leaving the apartment.
Wade gave a painful gulp as he pulled the front door shut behind him.
He already had his bag packed, the guy's card sitting in his back pocket, and had already made up his mind…
'Agent Smith' had told him this world needed extraordinary soldiers…..
Maybe this was his chance…
His one shot to make himself better….better than better…
A superhero…
Well, Wade wasn't fucking stupid enough to believe in that utter bullshit, but if they could find a way to cure him, he might someday might be able to find his way back to Missy and Emily.
That was all he wanted.
The merc, who had come down the stairs two at a time, headed outside, taking a deep gulp as he stepped out into the cold evening air.
But he had barely gotten down the concrete step, heading a little way down the street, when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
Wade, making sure he was stood behind a parked car, lingering in the shadows, stopped for a second before turning around.
"I liyk dat moofy Mommy," came the tiny little voice of Emily, walking hand-in-hand with Missy in her little red coat and booties. "I liyk tha pwincess tha besht!"
Wade craned his neck, his eyes fixed on Missy, who was tonight dressed in a long navy raincoat coat, her long caramel hair lightly curled, looking as perfect as ever.
"Did you enjoy your popcorn, baby?" he heard her utter to her daughter, as they began to climb the steps leading up to their apartment building.
Emily gave a nod, and Wade watched as the tiny toddler peered up towards her Mom. "Ca Waydee come watsh it wiv us nexsht time?" the little girl said in a slightly slurred voice.
But Wade didn't hear Missy give an answer, but lost sight of them for the last time, as they disappeared through the large glass doors, heading inside, out of the cold.
The merc's heart broke and he turned away, running a hand down his exhausted face and giving a pained gulp…
He took a few steps away, steadying his shaking-self on the hood of a car, breathing hard and closing his eyes.
He sucked in a breath.
He didn't know what was killing him more. The cancer…or knowing that would be the last time he would see them…
And so, plucking the business card and his cell phone from his back pocket, he dialled the number, lifting the phone to his ear and beginning to walk….
Missy shoved open the door to her apartment as Emily ran past her inside, heading straight over towards her basket of toys in the corner of the living room.
She was set to start her new job tomorrow with SHIELD, but right now she felt anything but confident about being able to keep it.
With Wade now gone, Missy had had to save up all her money to get a babysitter. She was a college grad and so didn't charge as much as others tended to, but money was still scarily tight at the moment.
She closed the front door with a snap behind her, his eyes following her tiny daughter.
Missy felt truly and utterly lost…
….just vacant...
Wade just upping and leaving like that had hit her hard… and when they had gone over and seen him…..well, that had broken her heart into a million pieces.
He had acted so dismissive towards them…so uncaring….
Just like Scott had done to them all those years ago…
It was as though history was repeating itself again. Yet another man to turn on them, to walk out on them, to abandon them…
Missy could barely cope with that. All this was too much for her.
She had loved Wade so so much. He had been her everything.. And she had thought they had been happy together. The three of them. A little family…
Missy felt woozy, probably due to lack of sleep and worry….the worry that neither she nor Emily were good enough for anyone…
Her tiny daughter had asked about Wade each and every day that passed, obviously not being able to understand why he didn't want to talk to her….or cuddle her…or spend his days with her anymore.
But each time that Emily mentioned Wade's name or asked for her 'Daddy' Missy had filched internally.
She had put all her trust in him, confided in him….loved him….
And yet she had pushed him away…made him to do this.
This was all on her and she knew it.
Missy gave a heavy sigh, her lip trembling. She didn't know how she was going to cope.
Emily's hearing was getting worse by the day. She would cry and jump at even the slightest of noises. And Missy could tell she was not having a good time of it.
That was why tonight they had taken a trip the movies to watch an Audio Descriptive Disney movie together…Missy's last treat for the tiny girl before her money would run out completely.
She wanted to give her something at least. One last gesture of love before she would spend all of her time working to pay for a sitter and come home too exhausted to be able to play with Emily when she did get the time…
It was all going to change.
All because of Missy, and how stupid she had been….yet again.
Missy unravelled her scarf and hung it up on a coat hook on the back of the door.
"Sweetie, Mommy's just going into the bedroom for a sec, ok?" Missy said in a loud, clear voice causing Emily to look up, little mouth open. The tiny toddler gave a nod, before going back to playing with her coloured bricks.
And so Missy, giving a small gulp, went silently into her darkened bedroom, not bothering to switch on the light, and closed the door with a gentle snap behind her.
It was only then, when she was sure that Emily couldn't hear her ,did Missy burst into tears.
She shook with painful emotion, not even making it to the bed, but instead collapsing the floor where she was, breaking into heaving sobs.
She couldn't do this.
Not again.
She clasped her hands over her face, trying to block out the sounds of her crying, in case Emily overheard her.
Missy just wasn't coping well.
History was repeating itself and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Not only that she didn't have the money, but she didn't have the strength either.
This was all too much to bare.
She wasn't what anyone wanted. She never would be. Scott had left and now Wade. Missy was obviously just destined to be alone. This was all her own fault. She obviously just wasn't good enough.
Missy let out a loud sob, pulling away her hands and looking skyward, her eyes full of tears.
But it was then and only then did something catch her eye, there in the darkness….
Missy gave a sniff, wiping her hands over her tear stained cheeks and clambered over towards the bed. Her entire body trembling as she did so.
For there, lying on the bed, was Wade's old duffel bag…the one he would use to carry ammo to jobs on occasion.
And it certainly had not been there when she had gone out earlier…
Missy pulled herself to her feet, blinking twice and swiping at her tear-strewn cheeks once more.
She cautiously moved over the duffel bag, her hand hovering an inch or two above the closed zip….
Was this a trick? Something someone had planted to get Wade into trouble. Or could it be something much worse? A bomb?
But gathering up all her courage Missy grasped the metal zip between her fingers and gave it a slow tug, wincing…
But it wasn't a bomb that made her gasp and take a step back, her breath catching in her throat…
But instead, lying inside the bag in large green piles….was what looked like thousands of dollars in cash.
Missy gasped, her hand moving up towards her mouth, her fingers shaking.
She at once perched on the edge of the bed.
What the-?
But Missy's eyes suddenly landed on a white sheet of folded paper lying just to the side of the cash.
And so, with trembling fingers Missy picked up the note and opened it…
She gave a sudden audible sob as she saw whose writing it was…
Missy (my perfect Momma-bear)
Before you say it, I know that I'm an asshole. I walked out on you and I know that you're probably feeling like shit right now and that's all on me. But never ever think that I didn't, and don't love you. Because I do. I love you more than chimichangas, or Wham! (even after George and Andrew earned that exclamation point) or even more than that thing you did for me on my birthday. You know the one. And I was a complete asshole for trying to convince you that I didn't love you. Even for a second.
There's a reason I left and it wasn't you, or Em, or anything you could have ever done. To me, you're both perfection, and never ever for a fucking minute believe that I left you because you'd done something wrong.
The truth is I have cancer and I'm going to die.
I know, fucking shocking isn't it that after a lifetime of drinking heavily and putting my body through shit, that this would happen to me.
The docs have given me another month or so to live, but I didn't want to spend that last month with you or Em-Bear looking like a complete and utter piece of shit and having to have you see me like that. Because that's not the part of me I want either of you to remember. I want you to remember the early morning pancakes, the shower sex, the trips to the park and to the arcade, and that time you freaked because you found Em with a grenade trigger and slapped me so hard I thought I'd gotten whiplash.
I want that to be how you remember me. And if by some fucking miracle I make it through to the other side, wherever or whatever that might be, then I am going to try a lot harder to not be an asshole to you in that life. No, I swear to God I will fucking find you and I will boombox Careless Whisper outside your window until you run into my arms again. Both of you.
I wanted to be Emily's dad more than anything, and give you the life that both of deserve, and just because I'm not there to do that, doesn't mean I can't help you out a bit.
I've been saving all this from the million jobs I've been doing this last six months. There should be ten thousand there, which hopefully should tide you over for a while until you at least find a new job. Which I know you will, baby. Because any place is fucking lucky to have you working there.
Baby, Moon of my life, sugar-Momma… know this is a fucking shitty goodbye. And all of this- it's only because I'm too cowardly to tell you this in person, you know that.
But I love you both. With all my fucking cancer-ridden heart, I love you. And nothing is ever going to change that.
Please never forget that Momma-Bear.
All my love
Wade X
Missy's entire body trembled as she read and re-read the piece of paper again and again, tears sploshing down her face.
But she couldn't keep it all in. Not this time, and despite her closing her eyes and clutching hand to her mouth, she cried out loud, giving a pained sob.
It wasn't a second before the door handle turned and a tiny figure appeared through the door, coming over to Missy and attempting to clamber up onto her lap.
"Itsh okway, Mommy," said the little girl, for the first time sounding so grown-up, peering up into Missy's eyes. "Don be sad, I 'ere naw."
And with that, Emily had reached out with her teeny paw, pulling Missy's hand from her face, before wrapping her tiny arms around her Mom.
Missy gave another sniff and a sob and she pulled her three-year old daughter closer to her, as close as she could get, before enveloping her in a warm hug in the darkness.
For now it was just the two of them…alone again….
But for the first time in a long time, Missy felt a weight lift off her shoulders, for she knew Wade….wherever he was, was dreaming about them….and Missy would be dreaming of him…
…..forever….
Wade's eyes flickered this way and that as the gurney he was lying on was wheeled down a grimy looking corridor.
Suddenly a familiar face appeared above him.
It was 'Agent Smith', looking as creepy as ever.
The dark-haired man leaned over him, his eyes glinting, even in the dim light.
"Mr Wilson, nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's," he said grinning. "Looks like you've finally hit 'fuck it'."
Wade gave an uneasy gulp, feeling more nervous than he ever had done in his entire life.
But right at that moment, two faces of swam through his mind…
The faces of the two people he loved more than anything.
And he would never ever forget them, as long as he still had breath in his body.
"Just promise you'll do right be me," said Wade feeling his voice waver slightly. He took a steadying second. "So I can do right by someone else…"
But Agent Smith merely smiled.
"Of course, Mr Wilson. Of course…"
Thanks so much to Queenbeee222, srosal1, Legolas Girl 31, jonstar1034, dancindonna, HarleyQuinnHearts, petite yoyo, Guest, Raging Raven, Guest, Smaug the golden, AngiMK, Jobes94, Guest, THE JUDGE OF FICS, Mia and Carlypso for reviewing the last chapter.
Phew, that was a long one! What did you think? *looks nervous* One more chapter to go...
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